Good Burger (1997)

[bunniefuu]

[car engine revving]

[car door slams]

[tires screeching]

[whoosh]

[man singing] ♪ Nick, Nick, Nick,
Nick, Nick-Nick, Nick ♪

[chorus singing] ♪ Nickelodeon ♪

[percussive music playing, chorus humming]

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Mm-mm ♪

[rapid popping]

♪ Oh... ♪

[sing-songy] Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order? Huh.

Just a Good Burger, please,
and I'd like that to go.

[over intercom] One Good Burger!

Ah!

[rustling]

[yelps]

[harp glissando]

[sing-songy voice echoing] Ed...

I see you.

I see you.

[popping]

[Southern accent]
Don't sell me, Ed, please.

[gruff male voice]
I wanna stay here with you!

[sweet voice] We love you, Ed.

Come with us, Ed.

Fly, Ed, fly!

[gleeful squeals]

Ah... ah... I'm flying with fast food!

Wow! Wow.

Whoo! Whee! Whoa, flying with hamburgers!

[yelling]

[yelling continues]

-[alarm buzzing]
-Ah!

Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take...?

[panting]

[alarm continues buzzing]

Oh! A clock!

[chorus] ♪ Oh... oh... ♪

-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
-Ah! Ah!

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude ♪

♪ 'Cause we're all dudes ♪

♪ Hey, I'm a dude, he's a dude
She's a dude ♪

♪ 'Cause we're all dudes... ♪

[chorus vocalizing]

Hey, hey, Alfalfa!

Would you please take my order?

Ooh, sorry, no can do.

I'm the drive-thru guy.
You need the counter guy.

Hey, where's Ed?

Whoa, wait--

[mid-tempo R&B intro playing]

[yells]

[singer] ♪ Oh-oh ♪

♪ Oh-oh ♪

[Ed] Yeah!

♪ Uh-huh ♪

Morning, girls. Huh.

[R&B music continues playing]

-[Ed] Whoa!
-[girl grunts]

-Sorry!
-[yelling, grunting]

[gasps] I'm sorry! Hang on.

I'm going to get you loose.

[girl groaning]

Um, sorry!

My bad, uh...

[R&B music continues playing]

Miss? Miss?

Could I please order some food?

Oh, no problem!

Okay, uh, let me get some...

Ed!

Ed!

Oh, watch out, lady!

-No! Watch out!
-[gasps]

Watch out!

[yelling]

-[baby giggling]
-Ah... ah... ah!

Hey. [chuckles]

-Hey, baby.
-My baby!

[Ed screaming]

[baby giggling]

Oh! Watch out! Baby coming through!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

[screaming]

[all grunting]

[screaming continues]

[screeches]

-Put it up, man, put it up!
-[giggling]

-Huh?
-[cooing]

That's it! That's it! Five more seconds,
I'm calling the manager!

You think I'm kidding? Five...

four...

three...

two...

-[yelling]
-[woman] Oh!

Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order?

Well, it's about time.

Can I get two Good Burgers?

Oh, sorry, dude, I have to go get 'em.

Customers aren't allowed in back.

Just give me two Good Burgers!

Dude, I just can't give you
two Good Burgers.

You have to pay for 'em.

Forget it! Forget it!

I've had it up to here with Good Burger!

I can't wait for Mondo Burger to open.

Mondo Burger?

What's Mondo Burger?

Ed, you see that giant building there
across the street?

The one that they've been building
for ten months?

Oh, I see it. Huh.

That's Mondo Burger, Ed.

Yeah, they open in, like, three days.

Cool! Huh.

It's not cool, Ed.

They're competition.

Big competition.

Yep. They could put us out of business.

That's right. What are we gonna do then?

All right, now, come on!

Good Burger has been here
for over 40 years.

[grunts]

People love us.

-Most of us.
-Huh.

And nobody is putting Good Burger
out of business!

-Yeah! Yeah!
-Nobody.

-Yeah!
-Yeah! Huh.

[disco b*at playing]

All right, people, two more minutes
before the end of the test.

I know what you're thinking,
my brother! "Why?"

"Why would this man give us a test
on the last day of school

before summer starts?"

-I'm going to tell you why. Because...
-[bangs desk]

...the mind never sleeps.

Can I get a witness?

[yawning] Hallelujah.

-[bell ringing]
-[chattering]

[boy] Out of here.

[Dexter singing]
♪ Summer vacation, bow-chicka-bow ♪

♪ Summer vacation... ♪

What's your hurry, my brother?

My hurry is that it's now
officially summer vacation

and yet, I'm still looking at you.

You're an amazing student.

I mean, you sit there,
you get your test done first

and you were concentrating so hard,
I thought you were asleep.

-Next time make it more challenging.
-That's what I want to talk about.

Challenges, potential, using your mind,
'cause I'm worried about you.

I'm worried about you, too.

Have you seen yourself lately?

The 'fro, the boots, and this jacket...

You have a nice summer, Shaft.

[disco music plays]

[yelling and cheering]

[Jake] Yo, Dex, wait up.

So, uh, how you think you did
on your exam?

Sorry, summer vacation
started 48 seconds ago.

That means that school,
work or anything of that nature

is now officially off limits
for the next three months.

Whoo!

Nice car. This yours?

No, it's my mom's,

but she's away on business in New York.

And she lets you drive this
while she's out of town?

-Nope.
-[engine starting]

[tires squealing]

Ed!

Ed-- Spatch, will you move?

[Mr. Baily] Ed? Ed!

Ed, we have a delivery.

-But I don't do deliveries.
-You do for the time being.

-I fired O'Malley.
-How come?

Because the boy showed up to work
without his pants.

Oh.

Now, please, make this delivery.
The address is on the back.

Oh.

It shall be delivered.

So what's your plan for the summer?

Ha! Let me tell you, boy,

I plan to wake up every day
at around noon,

then I'm going to lay out by the pool,

order some Chinese food,

maybe invite some fine females
over to share an egg roll or two.

Then I'm going to wake up the next day,
do it all over again.

Ha, ha! Know what I'm saying?

Say, man, you're lucky.

My folks is making me get a summer job.

See, that's it right there.

You got to explain things to parents.

Like summer vacation.

The key word there is "va-ca-tion."

See what I'm saying?

[tires squealing]

[accelerating]

[singing]
♪ She's a dude, 'cause we're all dudes ♪

♪ Hey, I'm a dude, he's a dude... ♪

♪ She's a dude, whoa
'Cause we're all dudes ♪

♪ Hey, I'm a dude... ♪

-[Jake] Look out!
-Whoa!

[tires squealing]

Just get off the...

[muffled yelling]

[grunts]

My Afro.

My Afro!

Why?

Oh, brother Reed,
you have messed up my Afro.

All right, don't worry, bro.

Just be cool and let me handle this.

All right, Jake?

Jake?

-[Dexter] Jake!
-[Mr. Wheat muttering]

Oh, no.

Oh, baby. Oh!

Oh, no.

Oh! Oh, my grill.

Oh, Black Beauty, oh... Oh!

Oh! See, when I left school today

I didn't think I was gonna run into you
this summer.

Or I didn't think you
was gonna run into me.

I mean, just run into me like this.

You're in trouble with me, young man.
You're in trouble with me!

No, listen, Mr. Wheat, listen.
It wasn't my fault.

See, this nut on some roller blades,

he skated into my vision sight.
I couldn't see nothing, so I swerved...

-Roller blades?
-We was spinning around like that...

-I don't want to hear it!
-...and then I couldn't control it...

I don't want to hear it.

-Know how much that car cost me?
-No.

-Do you know?
-No.

That's a $22,000 car.

$22,000! And that's just the base price!

Check out the chrome, see?
I waited four weeks for the chrome!

You can't get chrome wheels at base price!

See that leather?

That's Detroit leather.
That's Detroit leather.

You gotta order Detroit leather
from Detroit!

Huh? What's that tell you?

They always get you with them extras.
[chuckles]

-Give me your driver's license.
-Um...

Give me your driver's license.

Um, regarding my driver's license,

I'd give it to you,
but you're going to have to wait.

For what?

-Oh, about a year.
-Oh, no.

That's when I get one.

-No...
-When they put it in my hand.

-You don't have a driver's license?
-No.

I know you don't have
no insurance, do you?

I hate to do this, young man,
I hate to put a black man in jail,

-but I'm gonna have to call the police.
-Black man in jail?

You ain't got the... I'm just a kid.

No, no, no, not the police.
Don't call the police.

No, please, don't call them.

Please, don't call the police!

They can't find out I was driving
without a license, sir, please.

No, please, let me fix it.

Just let me fix it, please.

-You shouldn't have been driving.
-No, let me fix it!

-All right.
-All right?

Yeah, all right. Yeah.

Yeah, I'll let you fix the car.

So, uh, how much you think
it's going to cost to fix?

$1,900?

I don't have $1,900.

That's all right.
Maybe your parents will help you out.

-I'll just give them a call...
-Ooh, um, wait. I'll get the money.

You can't get the money.

I know you got a summer,
you just want to be free.

-We'll just call...
-No, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I will... I'll...

-I'll...
-I'll...

-I'll... I will...
-I'll...

I'll...

I'll get a summer job.

[rock music playing]

[Griffin] Bun, patty, topping,
sauce, assemble.

Bun, patty, topping, sauce, assemble.

Bun, patty, topping, sauce, assemble...

Come here, little bun.

Oh, beef patty.

[grunting]

Okay, yeah. Ooh, that's nasty. All right.

Yo, my man, can I borrow some lettuce?

-Can I borrow some...
-[whistle blowing]

-You.
-Who?

You! Look at this mess.

I-- I can explain.

See, I was trying to put
the big old beef patty...

on the bottom half of the bun, you know,

before the tomato gets all slippery

with the... Ooh, that's slippery.

Oh, I'm sorry. And then, you know,

the pickle bits was making me
do the wrong...

Because they're... they're flexible,

they're not crunchy.

And...

Yo, man, back me up on this.

-[blows whistle]
-Oh, again with the whistle.

Shut up. Just be quiet.

It'd be a lot more quiet
if you stopped blowing the whistle.

Watch your mouth,
you pestiferous little maggot.

Now, I'm familiar with the term "maggot"
but... pestiferous?

Burn this into the front row
of your brain, Chuckles.

If there's one thing Kurt cannot stand

it is an incompetent, bumbling, sloppy,
fast food employee.

[lid squeaking open]

Yum! Yeah.

Ed!

What are you doing inside
the milkshake machine?

Oh, trying to fix it.

Did you turn on the switch?

No.

[whirring]

Ah.

Whoo!

Whoa... Yeah...

Strawberry Jacuzzi.

Oh! Oy-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi...

Oh-ho, oy-yoi!

People, I'm fully stoked

about being in charge
of every single one of you.

Within two years,
Mondo Burger's going to be

the biggest burger chain on this planet.

Oh, yeah.

First we got to b*at out
our big competition across the street,

-Good Burger.
-[both laughing]

From now on,

your life is Mondo Burger.

You can forget about your friends,

you can forget about your family,

because Kurt... is now both
your mother and your father.

Kurt must look awfully strange naked.

[snickering]

Who said that?
Who talked while Kurt was talking?

It was him.

He uttered something.

Why, I should've known.

Uh, I'm sorry I uttered.

You think you're funny, don't you, bro?

You know what? At Mondo Burger,
there are no comedians.

You mess with Kurt
and you go into the grinder.

Okay, now this grinder of yours,

is it a real grinder
or is it some kind of a metaphor?

That's it, you're gone!

Adios, TKO, historical.

Wait, wait, wait.
I won't be funny no more. See?

Security!

You ain't gotta bring the man down here.
Wait a second.

Kurt, come on, please, I need this job.

Take out the trash.

"Trash"? Oh, now, look'ee here...

Get this loser out of my face!

"Loser"? Now you about to push me
a little too far.

-You want a piece of me?
-Yeah, extra crispy, please.

Oh, see, you lucky you brought
your friends down here.

Hey, man, is this really necessary?

Kurt, please! I need this job!

[whimpering]
Please, I need this job. Please.

Excuse me.

Look, I ordered one Good Burger
with nothing on it.

That's what I gave you.

No, you gave me a bun.

Just a bun.

Look, there's no meat in here.

But you said you wanted nothing on it.

Yes, well, I expected a meat patty!

Dude, a meat patty is something.

You said nothing.

Fizz, is a meat patty something
or nothing?

Uh... something?

-I win!
-All right, that rips it.

I am reporting your name to the manager!

The manager already knows my name.

Oh, I'll see you in hell!

Okay. See you there.

[slurping]

Such a nice guy. I don't know why
he had to throw the bread everywhere.

I mean, jeez.

-One more Good Shake.
-Good, good, keep them coming.

Um, dude, don't you think
you've had enough?

Hey...

Hey, you look familiar.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

-Ever been to Australia?
-No.

Me neither.

I could've sworn I seen you
someplace before.

Hey, I know.
Maybe I'm someone famous.

You know, like a baseball player,
or a pretty nurse. Huh.

What? Man, what in the world
are you talking about?

Okay, okay, I give up. Who am I?

I don't know who you are,
or where I know you from,

or why you think
you're an attractive nurse.

But I am sure I don't want to know you
any longer.

Now, please, go away.
I've had a very bad day.

What's wrong?

Were you bitten by a sheep?

What?

-Did you lose your trousers?
-No!

Look, you're an unusually bad guesser,

so I'm going to go ahead
and tell you why I'm upset.

I got to come up with $1,900
to fix some jerk's car,

another $800 to fix my mother's car,

and I just got fired.

[sighs] Man.

I can't believe Kurt fired me
from Mondo Burger.

I mean, he yelled at me,
then he insulted me.

He made fun of me.

Boy, you must really suck.

See, right about now,
I'd slap you in your head,

but I'm not quite sure that your brain
would understand the concept of pain.

Hey! Want to see my belly button?

[sighs]

Well, it was very unusual
to meet you... Ed.

I'm going to go now and try to beg someone
for a summer job, man.

Bye.

Wait. You could work here at Good Burger.

-Here?
-Yeah.

Hey, Mr. Baily, this guy needs a job.

-Could he have one?
-No!

-See ya.
-Wait, wait, wait.

Come on, Mr. Baily, he really needs one.

-He can do fries.
-Otis does fries.

Yeah, but look at him.

How much longer could he possibly live?

[inhaling]

Yeah.

Well...

Have you ever worked in
fast food before, uh...

Uh, Dexter. Dexter Reed.

And yes, I have worked in fast food.

Yeah? How long?

-Nearly two days.
-[chuckles] Oh, well...

Do you know how to drive a motor vehicle?

Yes. I'm an excellent driver.

Any accidents on your record?

Not to your knowledge.

[sighs] All right, Dexter.
I'm going to give you a sh*t.

You're on deliveries, and you may have
to pitch in and do some counter work.

Okay.

Cool! I'll teach him everything I know!

Oh, God help me.

I won't let you down.

Hey, Fizz.

This is Dexter.

Fizz works drive-thru.

Well, hi-de-ho, Dex.

Uh, hi-de-ho, Fi.

"Fi"? Wow, nobody's ever
abbreviated my name before.

I love that.

Huh!

Hey, and that's Otis. Huh.

He's 77 years old
and still works in fast food.

I should've d*ed years ago.

-Tough break.
-[Ed] And there's Deedee.

She's a veterinarian.

-Vegetarian.
-Oh.

That means she doesn't eat fur.

I won't wear fur. I don't eat meat.

[Spatch grunting]

-[buzzing]
-[grunting]

Hey, uh, Ed, what is that?

Oh, that's just Spatch.

Let me show you. Come here. Huh.

Hey, Spatch.

-[gasps]
-[gasps]

[buzzing]

Uh, Spatch isn't much of
a "people person." Huh.

[frustrated moaning]

Aah!

-[splats]
-[growls]

-Mmm.
-[crunching]

Mmm.

Mmm.

You want to rinse that off?

[groans]

Uh...

Well, hello.

My name is Dexter.
I'm your new coworker.

Monique.

Well, that's a nice outfit
you got on there.

Those stripes really bring out
the color of your eyes.

Yes. You can imagine how embarrassed
I was when I came to work

and saw everyone wearing the same thing.

[laughs] Oh, okay.

Oh, I-I guess I'll see you later then.

Guess you will.

Yo, man, who was that?

She is all that.

All what?

Never mind.

So, tell me, what am I going
to be making my deliveries in?

A van, a truck?

♪ Feel my desire... ♪

There she is, the Burger Mobile. Huh.

Think you can handle her?

I don't know.
I never driven a sandwich before.

[Ed] Ha. Huh.

Come on, I'll take you for a spin.

-[Dexter] A'ight.
-[Ed] Huh.

Now, uh, you can drive, right?

I mean, you can read
all the signs and stuff?

[tires screeching]

Yeah!

Now this is what I call fast food! Huh!

-Whoa, whoa! Hey, look out for--
-[horn honking]

That was a stop sign!

Uh... no.

[whimpering] Oh, man.

[tires screeching]

-[horn honking]
-[tires screeching]

Watch out for the...!

Whoa!

Hey! Hey!

Get back here!

Closing time at last.

[Dexter] All right, let me see.

Five dollars an hour, six hours a day,
five days a week.

I should be able
to pay off the car in, uh...

Oh, another lifetime!

[rock music playing]

Man! This place is the most nauseating,
pathetic hole I have ever seen.

I mean, what kind of diseased maggot
would even consider eating here?

Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order? Huh.

Check it, boys.

Right back there.

It's the reject.

[Kurt chuckling]

Hey, check it, Ed.

It's the Mondo idiot!

Oh, well, nice to meet you, Mondo Idiot.

I'm Ed. Huh.

Well, Ed, you better watch your butt, man.

Okay.

-Look, you got a purpose for being here?
-Yeah, I do.

I just thought you Good Burger losers
should be aware

that tonight is the grand opening
of Mondo Burger.

[growls]

The second we open our doors,
Good Burger goes in the grinder.

Again with this grinder.

Look, man, you either order something,
or you can get out of here.

Yeah. Sure. You can take my order.

I'll have the very last Good Burger to go.

[slurping]

[drops cup on floor]

Oh, I give up.

There is no way a guy
can watch his own butt. Oh!

[big band playing "Celebrate"]

[music plays in distance]

-[song ends]
-[applause and cheering]

[Kurt] Yeah!

Is everybody liking my party?

[applause]

And now...

I'm psyched to present to you people,

Mondo Burger!

[cheering]

[zapping and crackling]

[cheering]

And now, people, welcome to Mondo Burger.

[cheering]

[rock music playing]

[Dexter] Um, Mr. Baily?

Since we don't have any customers,
or electricity...

Yeah, yeah.

I suppose we should all just,
uh, go on home.

[sighs]

[Griffin] Looks like Good Burger
closed early tonight.

Yep. And it think pretty soon,
they'll be closed for good.

["Man" playing]

♪ Man! ♪

♪ Crush a k*ller with a thigh bone ♪

♪ Man! ♪

♪ You call the cable, make a cozy home ♪

♪ Man! ♪

♪ You need a rock-and-roll singer ♪

♪ Man! ♪

♪ You got a thumb and a finger ♪

♪ You got opposable thumb ♪

♪ Opposable thumb, opposable thumb ♪

♪ I got one! ♪

♪ Opposable thumb, opposable thumb ♪

♪ Opposable thumb ♪

♪ Check it out, I got one! ♪

♪ I've got one opposable... ♪

Everybody, I got one.

-Got one, what?
-What? What?

A Mondo Burger.

[all talking at once]

All right, all right, everybody.
Now, don't get all excitable.

[grunts]

-Holy Mackerel.
-[gasping]

It's huge.

[moaning]

Look at that.

[gasping]

[groaning]

[frustrated grunting]

And I don't know how they do it,

but they charge the same amount
as we do for a Good Burger.

How do they do it?

They just use more meat.

Oh, poor cows.

-Hey, Spatch.
-[grunts]

-Hand me a Good Burger.
-[grunts]

Huh.

They sound similar.

Come on, what was our take today?

$43.09.

That's it?

Oh...

I suppose I can always feed
my mother cat food.

Now probably wouldn't be the best time
to ask for a raise?

No!

I'm going home.

-Good night, people.
-Good night, Mr. Baily.

So, Monique, what are you gonna do tonight
after you lock up?

I thought I'd go home.

Home? Why?

Well, that's where my stuff is.

Stuff. Ha, ha, ha.

Hey, Dex.

-Want to hang out tonight?
-I don't know, but--

Hey, Ed, you better be careful.

[tires screeching]

[grunting]

[bones cracking]

-You!
-Me?

Now I know where I saw you before.

You're the roller-blading nut
that caused my accident.

Uh... no?

You're the reason why I owe 1,900 bucks.

You're the reason my mom found out
I was driving without a license.

Man, you cost me a fortune.

You wrecked my summer, man.
You ruined my life.

So, you don't want to hang out tonight?

No. I don't want
to hang out with you... ever.

-[groans]
-[bones cracking]

Do you think you can get me to a hospital?

I think I broke my ass.

Come on, Otis.

Get out of the way.

[R&B music playing]

-[slurping]
-[tapping]

[Dexter] Oh, man.

Ah, Mr. Reed.

Hard at work as usual.

I'm having my lunch.

Well, I just got my car back
from the body shop,

and I got to admit, good as new.

Here's the receipt.

$2,500?

No!

The estimate was only for $1,900.

Well, that my young brother,
is why they call it an estimate.

Close to, kind of, could be.
[chuckles]

And I estimate it'll take you about
two and half months to get me my money.

You have a good day at work.
I'm going to have lunch at Mondo Burger.

Home of the Big Booty Burger.

Home of the Big Booty Burger.

Oh, man.

Mind if I sit here?

Yes, I do mind.

Uh, thanks.

-What are you doing?
-Eating my lunch.

I told you not to sit here.

I don't like you.

Can't you get that through your head?

I can try.

Hmm.

[creaking]

Nope.

All right, I'm gonna have
to spell this out for you.

I don't want to sit by you,
I don't want to see you,

I don't want to smell you,

I don't want to hang out with you.

I don't even want to use words
with the letter "u."

Look, I'm Grape Nose Boy.

♪ Bluebity, Bluebity
Bluebity, Bluebity... ♪

-Stop that.
-♪ Bluebity, Bluebity, Bluebity... ♪

Would you stop?

-♪ Bluebity... ♪
-[stifling laugh]

Uh, that ain't funny.

♪ Bluebity, Bluebity, Bluebity, Blue... ♪

-All right.
-♪ Bluebity... ♪

Ha! Made you laugh.

So... Oh, I give up.

[popping]

-Grape?
-Uh, no, I'll pass.

[smacking lips]

Now, I should have figured
that lunch with you would be... different.

Ah. Huh.

Hey, what's that goo?

Oh, that's my sauce.

I make it myself.

-Huh.
-You carry your own sauce?

Doesn't everybody?

Hey, hey, would you watch it?

Sorry.

Hey, that is kind of good.

You sure you made this by yourself?

Yeah. It's my very own recipe.

Nobody knows about this, right?

Nope.

-[cash register bell dinging]
-Hey, Fizz, come here.

Hi, you guys. What can I...?

Hey, what did you...?

Mmm.

This is really good.
What did you guys put on this?

Deedee, Otis, Monique, come here.

[laughing]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey!

[excited chattering]

Mom, I gotta call you back.

[Deedee] This is so good.

[Mr. Baily] Hey, hey...

Hey! What in the name of ground beef
is going on?

Mr. Baily, try this.

Dexter, I don't have time...

-[Deedee] It's good.
-Terrific.

-[Dexter] Mm-hmm.
-This is marvelous. What is it?

A French fry.

I know that, Ed.
I'm talking about the sauce.

-What's in the sauce?
-Ed's ingredients. He made it himself.

-Ed?
-Excellent.

-[Deedee] It's awesome.
-It makes me glad I'm not dead.

Ed! If we put that sauce
on all the Good Burgers,

then everyone will want to eat here.

We'll knock Mondo Burger
right off the map.

-Whee! That's great.
-[Deedee] Yeah!

Ed, get in that kitchen
and start making sauce.

Yippee skippy!

[all cheering]

-It shall be done.
-[laughter]

Don't let us down.

Get me another French fry.

Good Burger's back in business.

[all] Yeah!

["We're All Dudes" playing]

♪ It's time to put hard times behind ♪

♪ Get all the bad things off your mind ♪

♪ He's feeling good, she's feeling good ♪

♪ We're feeling good, yeah ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just having fun ♪

♪ We're number one ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just having fun ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey... ♪

Ed!

I've never seen so many customers.

-Good Burger's back in business.
-Oh, back in business.

-Move over, Mondo Burger.
-Move over. [laughs]

-And Ed?
-What?

For every Good Burger we sell,

I'm going to give you ten cents
for every one!

[laughs] Oh, man.

-A little help here?
-Oh, okay, be right there.

No, no, no. I'll help Deedee.

You get in that kitchen
and keep making sauce.

-[laughs]
-[screams]

[humming]

Well, Ed, how's that sauce-making
coming along?

[splashing]

Oh, pretty good. Mr. Baily says
it's gonna save Good Burger.

That's great.

Now, you do remember that it was my idea

to put the sauce on Good Burgers
in the first place, right?

Yeah, you should get some
of the money I receive.

I'm glad to hear you say that.

In fact, since we're going to be
in business together,

I thought that maybe
we should sign a little contract.

Just to make our partnership official.

Yeah, okay.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm... hmm.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm.

I know some of these words.

Ah. So, what does it all mean, Dexter?

Well, it's quite simple, really.

Of all the money that Good Burger
makes off your sauce,

you get to keep 20%.

Cool? Okay.

And then I'll keep the other 80%,
so it works out cool for both of us.

Okay.

There you go.

-Cool. All right.
-[Deedee] Ed?

There must be 50 customers out there.

It's unbelievable.

What do you put in that sauce?

Well, you start off
with a little lemon juice

and some ketchup--

[groaning and coughing]

Look, Dexter, I like you
as a friend and all, but it might...

-No. Listen to me carefully.
-Okay.

Do not tell anyone
the recipe to your sauce.

Oh. Well, first you start off
with a little lemon juice--

Stop it! Stop talking.

Never tell anyone
the ingredients of your sauce.

Why?

You want to save Good Burger, don't you?

Oh, yeah. Good Burger's my life.

Well, then, you got to keep
your sauce recipe a secret.

-All right?
-Okay.

-All right.
-Um, Dexter?

-Hmm?
-You're squishing my pancreas.

-Sorry.
-Thanks.

[mellow music playing]

Unbelievable.

Two days ago, we had Good Burger crushed.

[Kurt] Now look at 'em.

I think it's the sauce, boss.

Oh.

-[grunts]
-Duh. I know that.

You think Kurt's stupid?

Mmm... Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.

[sighs]

I want Good Burger out of business.

Go find out what's in that sauce.

I'll go get some and have it checked out.
[grunts]

[laughing]

Ed, here's your take for the day.

$67.00.

-Yay!
-Yay!

-[both laughing]
-Thanks for the sauce, kid.

-[gasping]
-Mmm!

[Mr. Baily] Love ya!

[laughing]

Well, here you go, Ed.

You get to keep $13.

Whoa! That's almost $14.

Yeah, well, see you tomorrow.

Uh, hey, Dex, uh, what you doing?

You want to hang out or something?

Gee, I don't know,
I gotta go clean my room.

-[stutters] I got to...
-Please?

-Sure. Let's hang out.
-Cool!

Want to see my secret place?

That's not what I had in mind.

-Come on!
-All right...

[Ed] This is my place.

This is where I come to think.

Well, I think.

That's funny,

'cause I never took you
for much of a thinker.

Oh, yeah, sure.
I think about all kind of things:

Good Burger...

squirrels...

cardboard boxes...

things that are sticky...

I'll bet you don't have one real problem.

Um, I got six toes on my left foot.

What kind of problems do you have?

Other than the ones you cause? Lots.

Most of them started
when I was a little kid.

That's when my dad left me and my mom.

I must have lived in 15 places since then.

I remember the last time I saw my Dad.

I was seven years old,

and for no reason at all,
he bought me this yo-yo.

It was so cool.

I mean, it wasn't just an ordinary yo-yo.

It had lights that lit up
when you yo-yoed it.

Red lights on one side,
and blue lights on the other.

And it made this funky,
whistling noise, too.

Wow. That sounds like quite a yo-yo.

You still got it?

No.

After awhile, it stopped lighting up.

Then it quit making
that funky whistling noise.

Then I guess my mom just threw it away.

You know...

I don't even remember
what my dad looks like.

I don't remember
what my dad looks like, either.

But at least I get to see him every day.

I give up.

I'm going home.

Oh, hey, Dex.

Uh, thanks for hanging out with me.

It's no problem.

See you tomorrow, buddy.

You mean it?

Mean what?

Well, I'm your buddy.

You called me your buddy.

Yeah, sure.

I guess so.

See you tomorrow.

Dexter, you got a delivery.

You are going to freak.

Ooh!

Hey, Monique, um, check it.
I got a delivery to make.

You want to ride with me?

Oh, I want to go, I want to go.

Oh, yeah.

You can go, Ed.

Yay!

Oh, man.

[tires screeching]

[Dexter] Ed.

Ed, man, you got to park the burger.
Slow down.

[tires screeching]

[honking]

-Watch it, Steve!
-Hey, hey!

Oh, hey, man.

[tires screeching]

Whoa!

Come on, man, the locker room's this way.

[reporter] So, after scoring that amazing,
last-minute, game-winning sh*t,

and bringing your team all the way
to the NBA Championship,

how do you feel?

I feel hungry.

[reporters chuckling]

Delivery.

Shaq...!

["Chariots of Fire" theme music playing]

[both] Oh, oh, oh!

[laughing]

Oh, oh, huh.

Here's your Good Burger. Huh.

Little man, I ordered tomatoes
on this Good Burger.

I don't see no tomatoes.

[Ed] Well, hang on. Uh...

Huh!

Consider yourself tomatoed.
[laughs]

You're not like other people, are you?

Um, go ahead, Shaq.

Take a bite of the Good Burger
and tell us how you like the good sauce.

Tastes good, tastes good.

You heard it here, folks.

Shaquille O'Neal,
a man who enjoys good food.

Huh! Huh!

Look, Dex, we're on live TV!

[Ed] Oh, welcome to Good Burger,

home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order?

Huh. Whoa.

I've never been on TV before.

Whoa. Hey.

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude ♪

-♪ And we're all dudes, hey! ♪
-I'm sick of these pukes. Shut up!

[tube shattering, electrical sizzling]

Not so fast with the trash talk now,
are you, huh?

You got him that time, bro.

Yeah, but if you hadn't noticed,
Good Burger is still in business.

[Griffin] Well, what are we
supposed to do about it?

Our burgers are already twice
the size of theirs.

Kitchen.

[man] Y-yes, sir.

Make our burgers bigger.

-Bigger? But they're already...
-Bigger! Bigger!

[grunts]

Now, let's see Good Burger go against
burgers three times the size of their own.

Great.

But what about the Ed Sauce?

[Ed singing] ♪ Hey, I'm a dude ♪

♪ He's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude
'Cause we're all dudes... ♪

[yelling]

Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order?

You all right, bro?

Hey, hey, hey!

I know you.

You're the dude from Mondo Burger.

Correct-a-mundo.
Kurt Bozwell.

No, no, no. I'm Ed.

Can I give you a lift, Ed?

Oh, I don't know, dude.
I weigh about 150.

Just get in the car, huh?

-Oh, car?
-Yeah.

[muttering]

Uh-oh. Uh...!

Ed, I'm going to cut right to the chase.

You have been working at Good Burger now
for like, what, three years?

And your manager still only pays you
five bucks an hour, man.

Really? Cool! Huh.

Well, five bucks an hour's cool...

How does... ten bucks sound?

Ten bucks.

[Ed] I don't know.

[rustling]

It sounds sort of like...

[imitates rustling]

[tires screech]

I want you to bail on Good Burger,

and I want you to come and work for me
at Mondo Burger.

You make your sauce for Kurt.

-Who's Kurt?
-I'm Kurt.

-I'm Ed.
-I'm aware!

You said you were Kurt.

[tires screech]

Well, thanks for the ride.

Whenever you're ready to come
and work for me, you say the word.

Okay.

[engine revving]

What were you doing in Kurt's car?

Oh, you know, just pushing buttons
and hanging out. Huh.

[Dexter] What'd he say to you?

Something about working at Mondo Burger.

I think he likes me.

Ed! That diphthong doesn't like you!

He just wants to use you.

Oh, well, that's not... "natural."

No. He wants your sauce.

Look, don't tell him the sauce recipe,
all right?

Because if you do,
Good Burger's going to be in big trouble.

-Okay.
-All right.

-Cool.
-Now, let's get to work.

All right.

Um, Dex...

Um, I got you something.

Here.

What-- What is this?

It's a yo-yo.

I bought it with the $13 you gave me.

It lights up and flickers and everything,
just like the one your dad gave you.

Why'd you get this for me?

'Cause we're buds. Huh.

Huh. Yeah.

[Ed chuckles]

[mellow music playing]

What's with this dude?

He doesn't want to work at Mondo Burger.

If you ask me, the guy's a few tacos short
of a combination plate.

I don't care.

Now, Kurt's going to get his sauce.

I didn't come this far to let some...

tired crap shack like Good Burger
get in my way.

Bring in Roxanne.

If anyone can get the sauce out of Ed,
she can.

["Roxanne" playing] ♪ Roxanne ♪

♪ Roxanne ♪

♪ You don't have to put on the red light ♪

♪ No, no, no ♪

♪ Those days are over ♪

♪ You don't care
If it's wrong or if it's right ♪

♪ If it's right ♪

♪ Roxanne ♪

♪ You don't have to put on a red light ♪

♪ Put on a red light ♪

-♪ Roxanne ♪
-Excuse me.

-♪ You don't have to... ♪
-Hello?

Um, welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order? Huh.

No, thanks.

I just came here to see you, Ed.

I'm Roxanne.

Oh!

Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order? Huh.

You are so hot.

Oh, well, I often sweat at work. Huh.

So, you hungry?

Yes, I am hungry...

but not for food.

I'm hungry for you.

Oh, well... well, I'm not edible.

Huh... [chuckles]

How would you like
to go on date tomorrow night?

With who?

Me, silly.

Huh. Me silly, too.

-[laughs]
-No.

I meant that you and I should
go out together tomorrow night.

Want to?

Oh, okay. Cool.

Awesome.

Here's my address.

I'll see you at eight.

[bell dings]

[blows raspberry]

I don't believe what I just saw.

Who? Elvis?

No, a beautiful girl just strode in here
and asked you on a date.

Oh, I know. Hey, want to come?

-Oh, no. Three's a crowd, man.
-Oh, well, just bring a date.

Hey, why don't you ask Monique.

I... I don't think so.

Now, you know you like her-- huh.

How can I not like her?

I mean, she's smart, funny, beautiful...

-and cuddly.
-[laughs]

Oh, then just ask her out.

-No.
-What, you chicken?

-I'm not a chicken.
-[laughing] Are too.

Dexter's a chicken!

Chicken! Moo!

Moo!

I'm not a chicken.

It's just that I don't think she wants to
waste her time going out with me.

Moo! [laughing]

Chickens...!

Chickens don't moo, man.

They cluck.

[clucks]

Hey, Monique,
we're all going out tomorrow night.

You wanna be Dexter's date?

-Look, man, I told you--
-I'd love to.

I knew she'd say yes.

Moo!

["All I Want" playing]
♪ All I want ♪

♪ Is someone I can talk to ♪

♪ Someone who will listen
To what I have to say ♪

♪ All I need ♪

♪ Is some special attention ♪

♪ Someone who will mention... ♪

Yeah, corn dogs!

Your chair, Madame.

Why, thank you, Dexter.

[Ed] Your chair. Huh!

Um, is your butt okay?

It's fine. Thank you.

It's okay, people!

Her butt is fine!

Huh.

-Mmm! That's a great corn dog.
-Mm-hmm.

I wonder how they get the weenie
into the corny exterior? Yeah.

A question that's plagued mankind
for centuries.

[chuckles]

You know what'd go great
on these corn dogs?

Um... a turtleneck?

[giggles] No, silly. Some of your sauce.

[chokes]

I just love your sauce.

How do you make it?

I'm dying to know.

Well, first you start off with some
ketchup and some lemon juice...

Ow!

Oops.

Oh, what's the matter? Is it your butt?

-No.
-Uh, oh.

[voice cracks] Um...

What do you say we start putting?

Ooh. I get to go first.

[Dexter] All right. Word.

Come on, Roxanne.

Ed... can't we just go somewhere
and be alone?

What for?

Well, maybe we could talk.

Or maybe get to know each other
a little better.

Now doesn't that sound like more fun
than miniature golf?

No!

Come on.

[gasps]

["That's the Way" playing]

♪ That's the way, that's the way ♪

♪ That's the way... ♪

Oh...

So close yet so far.

My turn. Excuse me. Thank you very much.

[grunting] All righty.

-Oh...
-Huh.

[whispers] Okay, yeah.

All right. You're all right.

-[ball clinks]
-Oh, oh...

-[water splashes]
-Mm-mm.

So, uh, is this your first time?

-Uh-huh, keep talking.
-Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

Huh. Okay, my turn.

[Ed chuckles]

[grunts]

Huh...

-[grunts]
-Fore!

[gasps]

[grunts]

[thud]

Your turn.

Then when I was six,
I said my first words.

My mom thinks it was "trousers,"
but I think it was "tweezers."

-Then I went to camp and fell down a...
-Ed... Ed!

She's still unconscious, bro.

Oh...

♪ But, please, baby
Please, baby, be my girl ♪

♪ I know I'm not the greatest rapper
In this land ♪

♪ But I'll do anything
If you'll hold my hand... ♪

[tires screech]

-[thud]
-[gasps]

What happened?

Your head hit my golf ball.

Then you went sleepy-bye.

Um... Monique, you want to take a walk?

-Sure.
-Wait, wait, wait.

What am I supposed to do?

Hello!

Hello.

What am I supposed to do?

Ed, I think Roxanne can, uh,
help you figure something out.

[rock b*at playing]

So, Ed...

what do you want to do?

Well, I always wanted to shave a Martian.

Got a Martian. Huh!

Here you go.

Thank you.

So, uh, you like me?

Of course.

[mockingly] So, uh... you like me?

Are you kidding?

I liked you from the first time I saw you,

right off the bat.

But I guess it was
the same for you, too, huh?

No, actually, I thought you were
self-centered and obnoxious.

Well, so much for my self-esteem.

I changed my mind, didn't I?

Yes, you did. How come?

Ed.

Excuse me.

Ed thinks you're a really great guy.

He's always talking about
what a good friend you are to him...

and what a nice and caring person you are.

Really? Ed said all that?

Mm-hmm.

Ed is the sweetest, most genuine person
I've ever met.

And, uh, anybody he likes that much...

can't be all bad.

["I'll Be There For You" playing]

♪ After all that we've been through ♪

♪ I'll be there for you... ♪

[gasps]

Look at me, Ed.

I'm looking.

What do you see?

That big red lump on your forehead
where the golf ball hit you.

Huh!

Look into my eyes, Ed.

♪ Feel my desire... ♪

Ed?

Tell me how you make your sauce...

and I'll give you anything you want.

Uh, whatcha got?

For starters...

how about this?

-♪ Feel my desire... ♪
-Oh, no!

-[groans]
-Ooh...

Sorry.

You surprised me.

Can you breathe?

[groaning]

I quit!

[panting]

[grunting]

[thud]

I'm guessing she didn't get
the sauce recipe.

I'm aware.

Hello. My name is Connie Mondune.

I'm hosting a family reunion
and my oven has run amok!

-Huh.
-I think it's the heat actuator.

Anywho, I'd like to order, uh
three Good Meals, four Junior Good Meals,

and 17 orders of your Good Chunks.

On two of the Junior Good Meals,

I need to substitute the Good Cookies
for Good Pies.

Now don't fret if that's extra.

I'll pony up the overage.

And on the Regular Good Meals,
I need two of the Good Burgers

to have ketchup, mayo, mustard,
lettuce, tomato, but no onion.

I've got an interview this afternoon.

That takes care of everyone
but Uncle Leslie, who doesn't eat meat,

but does eat dairy, so I don't get it.

Let's get him a Good Chick
with Good Fries and a Good Root Beer.

All to go. But I'd like to have
my beverage while I wait.

Now, total me up!

[electrical crackling]

Guess who.

Hi, Dexter.

Hey. What you doing?

Getting ready for work.

Oh, cool, cool.

Um, listen, since we had
such a nice time last night,

uh, I thought that maybe
we could do it again tonight.

I don't think so.

Okay. Tomorrow night, then?

No.

Well, maybe this weekend?

Maybe not.

Okay. Who are you and what have done
with the real Monique?

Oh, she's right here.

It's just that now,
she knows the real Dexter.

Come again?

-You forgot your jacket last night.
-Oh. Thank you.

And this fell out of the pocket.

Oh, um... this?

This is just, all it is...

All it is...

Right, it's just the contract
you had Ed sign.

You know, the one where
you take most of his money.

The money he's supposed
to get for his sauce.

No... yeah.

But, look, I was just trying...

You know, I can't believe
that you would do something like that

to someone who trusts you.

How can you take advantage
of a sweet person like Ed?

And after he got you a job?

It ain't even like that.

-I only wanted--
-Oh, I know what you wanted.

You're not Ed's friend.

You're just using him
to scam a little cash on the side.

It must feel really good.

-Babe...
-Oh, but don't worry.

I'm not going to tell Ed
that you're cheating him.

Why not?

Because it would hurt him too much.

Punk.

Mmm!

There you are, Ed.

Um, can I sit here?

On my lap?

No, man.

I'll just sit down right next to you.

All right, look, Ed,
I don't know how to say this...

Oh, you just go:

"This."

No, um, I'm talking about this contract.

-[barking]
-What is it, boy?

-Oh, wha...? What?
-[barks]

Four clowns?

Their car's broken down?

They're in trouble?

Man, that dog is not talking to you.

Wait, hang on.

He's trying to tell us that there's
four clowns stuck somewhere

and their car broke down.

Where, boy, where?

Ed, there are no clowns.

Man, that dog is just hungry.

Oh, well, maybe we should feed him.

Here, have a Mondo Burger.

[whimpering]

Huh. He's not eating it.

Well, what's wrong?

I don't know.

He definitely looks hungry, though.

Yeah.

Well, here.

Try a Good Burger.

Would you look at that?

See, I told you there was something wrong
with Mondo Burger.

[Ed] He knows it, don't you, boy?

He definitely senses something
that he doesn't like.

What do you think it could be?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

[coughing and spluttering]

Where is that dang dog?

Excuse me, ladies, may I help you?

Could you kindly point us in the direction
of the little girls' room?

Yes, ma'am. The ladies room is just
on the other side of the restaurant.

-I'll show you.
-Oh, get your hands...

-Ma'am!
-...off of me!

I'm mighty mad!

Ma'am, I'm just trying to help.

I don't need your... Oh!

Oh! Oh! [coughs]

Water! Water!

I need water!

Whoo! Water! Oh!

Water! Ooh!

Water! Oh! Water! Oh!

Okay, I'll be right back.

Water! Water, water, water!

Whoo! Oh, oh.

-All right, let's go.
-Hey, what about your water?

Would you just come on?

[indistinct chatter]

[sizzling and gurgling]

[suspenseful music playing]

Hey, what's that stuff
they're dropping in the burgers?

I don't know, but I bet that's what's
making those burgers grow so big.

We should get some of that stuff
for Good Burger.

No, man, stuff like that's
gotta be illegal.

It is illegal.

Whoo! Oh...!

Triampathol is way illegal.

But I tell you what.

It sure makes burgers nice and "enormo."

Oh, yeah, that's all well and good,

but what happens to all those
nice, innocent people

when they eat your "enormo" burgers?

Uh-oh.

Don't care, ladies.

-[tearing]
-[muttering]

Ooh! Uh...

[laughing]

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Uh-huh.

But when those people find out

that you're putting illegal stuff
in their meat,

you're gonna find yourself in jail.

That is why nobody outside this kitchen
is going to find out.

What do you expect us to do,
keep our mouths shut?

No. I'll keep your mouths shut.

Ed, run!

[groans]

Okay, Hot Pants,

now, I'm tired of playing games.

I want to know what's in your sauce.

Well, you can forget it.

You're not going to get Ed's sauce.

I want to know what's in your sauce.

Dude, you need a Tic Tac.

Ha-ha!

That coils it. You guys are grass.

What are we going to do with them?

Get our pal Wade on the phone.

Demented Hills?

Hmm.

[rock guitar music playing]

[tires screeching]

Hey, all right,
yeah, hey, easy, man, easy.

Yeah, all right, uh-huh,
see, you'd like to...

You'll never be half the man
your mama was.

[Ed grunting]

[Dexter] Hey, man, you better let me go!

[grunting]

Hey, man, open the door!

I'm not going to tell you again!

All right, maybe I'll tell you
one more time.

Open this door, please? Oh...

Look, Dex, the walls are padded!

Look what I can do!

[singing]

[singing continues]

[singing and grunting]

I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Where could they be?

I'm really worried, you guys.

♪ Hey! I'm a dude ♪

♪ He's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude ♪

♪ We're all dudes ♪

-♪ Hey! I'm a dude... ♪
-Hi.

Uh, huh... hi.

I'm a psychopath.

I'm Ed.

Have small space aliens
ever landed in your brain

and told you to break into the zoo
and free the kangaroos?

Not that I recall.

Do you think I'm cute?

Sure. Huh.

What's cute about me?

Um... your head.

You have a cute head, too.

[laughing]

Well, I try to keep it nice.

So, what you in for?

I got in trouble for breaking into the zoo

and freeing all the kangaroos.

Oh. [nervous chuckle]

My name is Heather.

Really? My mom's name is Heather.

Really?

-No.
-[chuckles]

I like you, Ed.

Oh.

Uh... go fish.

Would you stop eating the cards?

And quit poking me.

Are you crazy?

Man...!

I got to play cards with these folk?

Would you quit it?

You're nasty!

-Ah, hey, dude.
-[grunting]

[chuckling]

Hey, they gave me a jacket just like that.

-[chuckles]
-[grunting]

Need some help?

-[grunting]
-Huh! Okay.

[growling]

[clattering and yelling]

[woman] He's loose! Look out!

[pandemonium continues]

[woman] Oh! Goodness gracious,
he's k*lling Sidney!

[suspenseful music playing]

[Kurt] Open it.

[Kurt] There's the fridge.
Go get the sauce, dudes.

Got it.

[suspenseful music playing]

[laughing]

What's going on in here?

Stop waving that dang light in my face.

-Who are you?
-Your mama. Who are you?

Relax, it's the old guy that works here.

What are you doing here this late?

Sleeping, till you woke my butt up.

What's that junk
you're pouring into our sauce?

Shut up, old man.

Don't be rude to the elderly.

The old man asked us a question.

Now, it's called shark poison,

and it's going to make all your little
Good Burger customers very, very sick.

So sick that I doubt anybody
will ever want to eat here again.

I'm calling the cops.

You're not calling anyone.

-[door opens]
-[man] In you go.

Join your buddies.

[muffled grunting]

[Dexter] Otis?

Otis, you came to visit, huh?

[frustrated growling]

Oh, I'm fine, and you?

Help me get him out of this!

Do I look like I came to visit?

Where am I?

What's going on?

They kidnapped us.

Why'd they bring you here?

'Cause I caught those little Mondo brats
dumping shark poison in our sauce.

Shark poison?

Wow, why do they want to harm
those innocent sharks?

Will you forget about the sharks?

That stuff's gonna harm innocent people.

Can you get to a phone?

There's no chance.

We gotta get out of this place.

What time is it?

I'll tell you.

It's six a.m.
Good Burger opens at ten.

That means we only got four hours
to warn them.

But how are we going to get out of here?

You just let me handle that part.

Good morning, patients.

It's medication time.

I'll be back in ten minutes
with your various prescriptions.

[Latin ballroom music playing]

Ooh, that music sucks.

Yeah, it does.

Well, hang on. Huh.

Hey, dude, I'll be right back.

Where you going?

Ed? Ed?

[changing channels]

Um, Ed?

Hey, I don't think you should be touching
the knob on the...

[funk music playing]

...on the radio dial.

Heh, heh.

Um...

Huh, huh, huh, huh-huh...

Come on, dance with me.

Come on, huh. Feel it?

[Ed] Come on, everybody.

Yeah, let's have some fun! Yeah!

Get on up! Yeah!

Yeah, cool!

Hey, check out the kooks.

Aren't they something?

♪ Whoa-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, ho-ow ♪

♪ Something about her ♪

♪ She always make me dance ♪

♪ Something about her ♪

♪ She always make me dance ♪

♪ She turns me on and on and all about ♪

♪ She was a freak ♪

♪ Never missing a b*at, yeah ♪

♪ She was a freak ♪

♪ Boy, was it neat ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Not just knee deep
She was totally deep ♪

♪ When she did the freak with me ♪

♪ She did the freak ♪

♪ Never missing a b*at, yeah ♪

♪ She did the freak ♪

♪ Boy, was it neat, yeah ♪

♪ She did the freak ♪

♪ The girl's a freak ♪

♪ The girl never misses a b*at
Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Not just knee deep
She was totally deep ♪

♪ When she did the freak with me ♪

-♪ She did the jerk... ♪
-How y'all doing?

♪ It didn't work, no ♪

♪ She did the monkey ♪

♪ It wasn't funky no more ♪

[♪♪♪]

I bet y'all got some moves, huh?

No, I really couldn't do that.

Yeah, I'm not very good at that.

Oh, come on, now.

You know you...

It's against regulations.

♪ And when she dance
It set the world on fire... ♪

See? Bobbin' your head.

♪ The little girl
Is the freak of the week ♪

♪ When she dance, she give me happy feet ♪

♪ Ooh, she's the freak of my desire ♪

[guards chanting] Hey, ho, hey, ho...

Come on, y'all, let's party.

-♪ Yeah, she's the freak of the week ♪
-♪ She did the freak... ♪

[grunting]

♪ Never missing a b*at, yeah ♪

♪ She was a freak... ♪

♪ Boy, was it neat, yeah ♪

♪ Not just knee deep
She was totally deep ♪

♪ When she did the freak with me ♪

♪ She did the jerk ♪

♪ It didn't work, no ♪

♪ I did the moose ♪

♪ Oh, no, not the moose ♪

♪ Monkey wasn't funkin' ♪

♪ Chicken wasn't pickin'... ♪

Go, go, go, out!

[frantic rock music playing]

[Dexter] Oh...

Easy.

[Dexter] In here.

Phew!

[growling]

I think I picked a bad room.

Just don't make any sudden moves.

What's up, dude? Huh! Give me five!

On the black-hand side--
Huh, yeah! Hey, cool!

[laughing]

Leave it to you to make friends
with a vicious psychopath.

[man over P.A.]
Attention! Seal all exit doors.

There is an escape attempt in progress.

Seal all exit doors.

[alarms buzzing]

Can we open any of these windows?

You can't. They're hermetically sealed,
made of triple-thick, bulletproof glass.

[alarms buzzing]

Mister Huge Scary Man, can you help me
open one of these windows?

[growling]

-Cool. Go ahead, man, do your thing.
-[growling]

Hey, man, what you think you doing?
Oh, mercy, now...

Try to open the window! Oh, man!

[screaming]

[thud]

-[Dexter] Thank you!
-[man] Hey! Try this one!

They're coming. You two better hurry.

You don't got to tell me twice.

-[screams]
-[thuds]

Whoa.

Ed... hurry!

All right,

but before I go, I just want to tell you,

you're the nicest, prettiest psychopath
I've ever met.

Oh, you're so sweet.

[sniffling]

[romantic music playing]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[grunting and groaning]

-Get off of me!
-[grunting]

[all grunting]

[Dexter] Would you... get up?

-All right.
-That way.

Come on.

[man] I'll check my phone!

-This way! This way!
-Harry, you go that way!

[man #2] Okay! Follow me, Steve.

[grunting]

[Dexter] All right, come on this way.

[grunting]

[tires squealing]

Oh, oh...

[ice cream man] Here's one for you,
and a vanilla pop for you,

and an ice cream sandwich,

and a chocolate pop...

Hey, what are you doing?

-Stealing your truck.
-Yeah, we'll bring it back.

[frantic rock music playing]

[horn honking]

Come on!

Huh.

-[child-like melody plays]
-Oh, ice cream tune!

♪ Na-na-na-na ♪

Will you turn that off?

Ice Cream Man!

Oh, sorry. No ice cream for you today.

[Dexter] Gotta go.
Gotta get back to Good Burger.

Oh, oh...

[yelling]

[tires squealing]

[tires squealing]

[horn blaring]

[horns blaring]

[tires screeching]

[tires squealing]

[horn blaring]

Good Burger's about to open, man.

We gotta get there and make sure
nobody eats that poison sauce.

[Dexter] Man, they're gaining on us!

[Ed] Whoa, ice cream cones!
Look!

I got funky pops, monster-cicles,

and lemon juice pops! Huh!

Ed, this is no time for frozen treats,
all right?

Yeah, but...

Wait. Wait. Give me one.

-Oh, here you go.
-Thanks.

What was that?

I think it's a fudgesicle.

Give me some more.

[Ed] Get out of here!

[laughs]

[Ed] Yeah!

Have some vanilla!

Take that! Huh!
And a little bit of that! Huh!

Have some raspberry sorbet!

[yelling]

[Ed] How do you like me now?

I'm a dude throwing ice cream!

French vanilla! Yeah!

Take some chocolate!

Yeah! Fudge!

[Ed] Oh! Yeah, there you go, baby!

Oh... [kisses]

Yeah, they're going to have you
on This Old Homey.

-[man] Nice box, Wheat.
-Yeah?

[tires squealing]

[driver] I can't see.

I can't see!

[Wheat screams] No! No!

Watch it, fellas! Stop!

Whew!

[man] Look out! Look out!

Oh, no! Come on!

Whoo! Lost 'em.

Hi. Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order?

I'll have a Good Burger...
with extra sauce.

Oh! That sounds delightful.

I'll have the same thing.

[grunts]

Better step on it.

Whoa!

Here's your order:
two Good Burgers, extra sauce.

Thank you.

[tires squeal]

[horn honks]

Oh, poo. I wanted mustard.

[tires squealing]

Ed, hurry!
Don't let anyone eat a Good Burger.

-[screams]
-Come on, Otis.

No!

[screaming]

[yelling]

[groaning]

Get him off me!

What's going on? What the...?

Ed! Ed! Ed! What are you doing?

Ed, get off!

Ed, off the elderly.

Ed!

Ed, Ed, are you okay?

-What happened?
-I just tackled some old lady.

-All right, Ed! Way to go.
-Cool.

Excuse me, would one of you two
mind telling me why this is a good thing?

This is why.
Mondo Burger poisoned our sauce.

How could Mondo Burger poison our sauce?

We'll explain it to you later.

Right now, just keep everyone
from eating that sauce, and call the cops.

-Come on, Ed.
-Where are we going?

To get a can of Triampathol.

-What for?
-Proof.

[Ed] Okay.

I need a hot Jacuzzi.

[suspenseful music playing]

-Shall I ring?
-No!

Man, you can't just walk up there
and ring the bell

and say "Howdy do, neighbor."

We got to find a way
to sneak into the kitchen somehow.

I got an idea. Huh.

Follow me.

Where are you going?

[Dexter] Oh, dear, careful.

Maybe you should...
I don't know if...

Whoo! Shouldn't you have a harness
or some rope?

Come on, it's easy!

Yeah, easy for you!

Dang!

Climb on a truck?

I don't even know the person
that owns this truck.

-And I got to do my thing...
-Yeah.

Phew.

[Ed] All right,
now jump on that pipe thingy.

I... I'm... I'm...

[engine starts]

Whoo!

[grunting and gasping] See?

[Dexter mumbling]

Oh!

All right, you got it.

Got what? I'm swinging from a dang pipe.

Mama?

[grunting]

[grunting]

[panting]

Whew!

Ed...

Ed.

-Ed!
-Over here!

Over here. Come on!

What are you doing in the straw?

It's right over the kitchen.
I can see it! Come on!

How do expect me to get up there?

Oh, it's easy.

You just jump on the burger,
jump on the fry,

and then you hop on the cup,
and then shimmy up the straw.

What is this, American Gladiators?

Come on!

All right.

[grunting]

Can't believe this man got me...

climbing on a straw!

Ooh! Wow, Good Burger looks so small
from up here.

[coughs] Ed?

Ed, Ed, are you in there?

Here, take my hand.

[both yelling and groaning]

Ed? Ed?

Whee!

-Again! Again! That was cool!
-Shh! Listen, listen.

I'm gonna go into that kitchen.

I want you to count to ten,
come in there, get a can of that chemical

and hightail it back
to Good Burger, all right?

-All right, okay.
-All right.

One...

two... three...

Hey, everybody!

-What's happening?
-How'd you get here?

Ooh! Look at this fancy kitchen.

You know, Mama never had one of these
with the electronic numbers.

-We had to turn the knobs...
-Let's get him!

...wait for the little ding...

If I were you...

I wouldn't come any closer.

Get him.

[yelling]

Get him!

Come on, guys.

Let's go! Let's go!

[chorus singing] ♪ Oh... ♪

Ooh!

[gasps]

♪ Oh, oh... ♪

[Ed] Mm-mm.

[mischievous chuckle]

Go! Around the other way!

[gasps]

All right, punk. The game is over.

Yeah. Your game is over,

because right now, my man Ed
is on his way down to the police station

with a can of your illegal Triampathol.

Ha!

Hey, Dex, got it! Huh.

-Get it!
-Give me that.

[Ed] Oh!

Nice try, dudes, but you mess with Kurt
and you go in the grinder.

-[Holmes] Here you go, boss.
-Thanks, Holmes.

This can's empty.

-[all snickering]
-What an idiot.

Stole an empty can.

Ed, you stole a empty can?

It wasn't empty when I found it. Huh.

[phone rings]

[both grunt]

[woman screams]

[low rumbling]

-Oh...
-[man] Hey!

-What's going on?
-I don't know.

[people clamoring]

[explosions]

[woman screaming]

[all grunting]

-The kitchen! Go!
-Come on!

[man] Come on.

Come on, Ed, let's go!

[Ed whimpering]

[electrical crackling]

Grill! We got to stop the grill!

-[man] Oh...
-[grunting]

Let's get out of here!

[clamoring and yelling]

[glass breaking]

[woman screaming]

[metallic creaking]

-[crashing]
-[sparks crackling]

[screaming]

[grunting]

[singing softly]

[people screaming]

Must be a shift change.

[alarm chirping]

-[deep rumbling]
-Huh?

[screaming, wailing] No!

[alarm tones going haywire]

[alarm chirps]

Why?

[sobbing] Why?

What have I done?

[siren blaring]

[Kurt] What, are you going
to put cuffs on me, huh?

-Wha...?
-Relax, sir, it's going to be okay.

You tell me if these
are too tight, all right?

[Kurt] You don't understand!
None of this is my fault, okay?

-I mean...
-I don't know.

-Hey, let's go help him out. Huh.
-Let's.

[Kurt] Listen, I can explain everything.

-This is all just a big misunderstanding.
-[siren wails]

I don't understand.
I don't know what happened.

Oh, sure you do.

Why don't you go on ahead
and tell your little police friend

that you made your big Beefy Burgers
all big and beefy

by using illegal food additives.

-Is that true?
-No! He's lying! You're lying!

You're full of crap!

Yeah? Well, why don't we
just check these out,

and we'll see who's lying.

-I think you better come with us.
-You're out of your minds.

You're crazy, man!

-You know who I am? Huh?
-Yeah, I know, I know.

-Bye-bye.
-Hey, hey, remember:

when you mess with Good Burger...

[both] you go in the grinder!

-[Ed laughing]
-[Dexter] Oh, dog,

you enjoy prison now.

♪ Kurt's going to jail
Kurt's going to jail ♪

♪ Kurt's going to jail, jail, jail ♪

-♪ Kurt's going to jail... ♪
-[siren blares]

♪ Jail, jail, jail ♪

♪ Kurt's going to jail
Kurt's going to jail, jail, jail.. ♪

[sobbing]

[grunting]

-Excuse me for a second.
-Huh.

[pained grunting]

-Mr. Wheat, I can't, I can't...
-I can fix it. I can fix it.

-...have a couple words for...
-I can fix it.

Uh, Mr. Wheat?

I don't have a lot of time,
but I just got a couple words for you.

-[grunting]
-Look here.

Here's about half of the money
that I owe you for your car.

I guess I'll have the other half
by the end of the summer.

You enjoy your car! Bye-bye, now.

I'll give you some money.
Help me out!

Man, just help me get the burger off.

-Ooh-hoo, come on, Ed.
-Huh.

So, you poured that stuff in that meat,
didn't you?

Huh, I had to.

You had to?

Sure. See, I knew if I took the can,

there was a good chance
I'd get caught. Huh.

Then I thought, even if I did take
the Triampathol to the proper authorities,

huh, Kurt would hire
some high-powered attorneys

who would dispute any charges
brought against him or Mondo Burger,

by manipulating the legal system.

And the way that America's court system
is congested these days,

it would have taken months
to convict him of anything.

So then I thought,
I'll take matters into my own hands

and just pour the Triampathol
into the meat supply

and let Mondo Burger
be a victim of its own foul play.

-Ha! Huh!
-Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

-You thought of all that?
-Yeah, sure.

I'm not stupid. Huh.

Huh.

Well, look, Ed, about this contract, man,

what do you say we just... forget it?

Wait, you don't want to be partners?

Well, no.

-See...
-Is it because I'm black?

No, it's not because you're...

'cause I'm...
All right, look, forget it.

All right, we can be partners,
but the money is yours, all right?

All of it.

So, we're still buddies?

-Oh, you know it.
-[laughs]

Cool. Huh.

-Um, Dexter?
-Huh?

I just want to say that, well,

I'm really going to miss you...

a lot.

And, um... I will always remember you,
Dexter Reed,

in my thoughts and in my heart.

[sobbing] Good-bye, my friend!

[Dexter grunting]

Uh, Ed?

Um, Ed?

I'm not going anywhere, man.

Oh.

[chorus vocalizing] ♪ Oh... oh... oh... ♪

That's right, baby, yeah!

Here come the heroes!

[cheering and applause]

Let's hear it for the man
who saved Good Burger, huh? Yeah!

-[cheering]
-Go, Ed!

-[all chanting] Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed...
-What? What? What? What? What?

Come on, what? Come on.

-[Ed] Come on.
-[chanting continues]

Aw... aw!

-Speech, speech...
-[man] Yeah, speech!

Yeah, come on, Ed, say something.

Well, I guess there's only way thing
left to say:

Huh.

[sing-songy] Welcome to Good Burger,
home of the Good Burger.

Can I take your order?

[bells tinkling lightly]

[intro to "We're All Dudes" playing]

♪ It's time to put hard times behind
Get all the bad things off your mind ♪

♪ He's feeling good, she's feeling good ♪

♪ We're feeling good, yeah ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ We're number one ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ There's nothing better
Than your friends ♪

♪ There's no problem you can't win ♪

♪ Someone that's always got your back ♪

♪ Not caring about this or that ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ We're number one ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey... ♪

[instrumental break]

♪ It's all about meeting new faces ♪

♪ A smile upon your face
And you can't erase it ♪

♪ Party it on, it's going on, huh ♪

♪ Party it on till the break of dawn, ho ♪

♪ It's time to put hard times behind
Get all the bad things off your mind ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ We're number one ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ Just hanging out, just havin' fun ♪

♪ We're number one, whoa ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

[Ed] Whoa, huh, whoa.

What are we doing now?

Oh, huh, we're breaking it down.

Huh. Yeah!

Huh, yeah, huh. Go on!

Rock on, dude, ha-ha.

Whoa! Whoa!

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey ♪

♪ I'm a dude, he's a dude ♪

♪ She's a dude, we're all dudes, hey-ey ♪

[Ed] Kel and Less Than Jake, huh.

Uh, uh, uh, no?

♪ G and Snoop, homeys from the jump
And the get go, get go ♪

♪ Devoted and quoted back in '84
Growin' up in the LBC ♪

♪ Platinum city, where the big gamers be ♪

♪ Involved in everythang
From Pop Warner, Pop Warner ♪

♪ To what's poppin' on every corner ♪

♪ Find a skirt if you wanna ♪

♪ Tryin' to come up in this world ♪

♪ Where everything is drama ♪

♪ Beverly was like my mama ♪

♪ W-A-double R-E-N ♪

♪ Tryin' to get in where I can fit in ♪

♪ Catchin' a bus
With a homey I can trust ♪

♪ Three homeys from the hood
Straight kickin' up dust ♪

♪ Enjoyin' my days
And everythang is fine ♪

♪ Fifteen years old Snoop d-whoop
On the grind ♪

♪ Tryin' to find ways
To make it, dice, shake it ♪

♪ Young, havin' fun, like... ♪

[chorus] ♪ We be havin' fun ♪

♪ No one could do the things that we do ♪

♪ I remember all the scams
We been through, together ♪

♪ Nobody does it better
On which you do the weather ♪

♪ The days we used to call first
Year playin' get like me ♪

♪ Gettin in fo of zines
I loved 'em, I loved 'em ♪

♪ Long Beach was the hometown ♪

♪ And every spot that we rocked
You know we got down ♪

♪ Outside at the club just spittin' raps ♪

♪ And every busta that ran up
Was gettin' cracked ♪

♪ Underground tapes used to be
The claim to fame ♪

♪ Long Beach Was A Mutha
Was a classic mane ♪

♪ Tellin' tales about how
We was strugglin', strugglin' ♪

♪ And surrounded wit tha homeys
That was all clubbin' ♪

♪ Tryin' to make it in this music ♪

♪ Quick fast, quick cash
And hittin' on the quick dash ♪

♪ We in this game to make hits ♪

♪ And make everybody... ♪

[chorus] ♪ We be havin' fun ♪

♪ No one could do the thing that we do ♪

♪ We be havin' fun ♪

♪ No one could do the thing that we do ♪

♪ We be havin' fun... ♪

[song fades]