02x13 - Halley's Comet

[bunniefuu]

ADULT MARK: We lived on

the outskirts of town.

But as time marched on,

the city drew ever closer,

and soon, the edges

became the middle.

MARY: What a goin's on! [HUFFS]

Hey, Mr. Mayor, you're

standing in my blueberry bushes!

MARK: This is amazing!

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Mike Critch, live in VOCM Valley

where an enormous crowd has gathered

to watch the ground-breaking ceremony

of St. John's' second

drive-thru restaurant.

Wow, what an enormous crowd!

MARK: Is he talking about us?

POP: Hm, should be your

father holding the shovel.

What a load a' crap.

Ooh Oh, hey, a coupon! Yes!

MIKE SR: And now, some comments

from VOCM's owner, Mr. Murphy,

on whose land the

development will stand.

Today Newfoundland boldly

steps into the future!

Busy highway drivers

will no longer have to

get out of their cars

to get something to eat.

POP: What, can't get

out of your car to eat?

What next, drive-thru toilets?

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

MARK: It's next door!

I'll practically be able

to order from my bed!

The road goes right through our house!

It barely nudges it.

- What?

- Nudges?

MIKE JR: Oh, this is

the best day of my life.

Oh, Mike! They are paving

my berry-picking spot!

POP: You're lucky he's not

gonna knock the house down.

It's his land!

Don't worry, Mr. Murphy assures me

that there'll be no

disruption whatsoever.

- [ENGINE STARTS]

- MAN: All right!

- [LOUD CLANKING]

- Oh!

[VEHICLE BEEPING]

[LOUD ENGINE]

♪

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

ADULT MARK: That year,

everything was looking up.

Literally! To the sky.

This week will see the

return of Halley's Comet.

It only passes the earth

once every 75 years.

ADULT MARK: I was always

fascinated with the stars,

both celestial and Hollywood.

Does anyone know what a perihelion is?

Well, it's the closest the

comet will come to the sun.

It won't be this close again until 2061!

I'll be 87!

And you'll be dead, miss.

Thank you, Fox.

You're all going to write an essay

about Halley's Comet.

[STUDENTS GROAN]

Who cares about space snots?

You know, some astronomers think

that the star of Bethlehem was a comet!

SISTER ROSE: It most certainly was not!

I will not stand by while you

indoctrinate these children

- into your religious heresy!

- Sister, a scientific explanation

A comet, children, did not

predict the birth of Christ,

but it will predict

the end of the world.

"The third angel sounded his trumpet,

and a great star, blazing like a torch,

fell from the sky

And many people d*ed."

Revelations 8:10.

ADULT MARK: This was

not what they meant by

"when you wish upon a star."

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

REPORTER: [TV] For the past two weeks

ADULT MARK: Our family

library was limited.

REPORTER: [TV] Outside

the confederation building.

MARK: Comets.

Halley's Comet

Listing under "H."

H, H

Aw!

ADULT MARK: My folks got a

new volume of the encyclopedia

free with their groceries,

but you had to start paying after "C."

Dad, can I buy a book at

the book fair tomorrow?

MIKE SR: What's wrong

with the books we have?

Three encyclopedias and the Bible.

You can't have read all those.

Halley's Comet will be passing

over Newfoundland this week

for the first time in 75 years.

I-I need to hear this!

WEATHERMAN: The most

famous comet in history!

And it is characterized by

Good God! Is that safe?

Sparks might hit the roof.

MARK: Shh!

WEATHERMAN: So head outside

about three hours before sunrise

and you'll see Halley's Comet.

So keep looking up!

ADULT MARK: This was once in a lifetime.

I saw it the last time.

Big fuzzy snowball.

Garbage!

ADULT MARK: Twice for some.

A comet k*lled the dinosaurs, Pop!

MIKE SR: Hm.

Well, you must be terrified, then.

REPORTER: [TV] Tempers flared today

at the nuclear disarmament summit.

Russian president Mikhail

Gorbachev is demanding

a total ban on nuclear weapons in space,

but us President Ronald Reagan says

he will not back down on

his "Star Wars" project.

POP: A comet hitting the house,

that's the least of your worries.

That Yankee cowboy is

gonna get us all blown up!

REPORTER: [TV] In an

address to the nation,

Reagan had this to say.

So, here we sit, with

thousands of nuclear warheads

targeted on each other,

and capable of wiping

out both our countries.

ADULT MARK: Only one thing

could take a grade-eight boy's

mind off the end of the world

The scholastic book fair!

Once a year, a travelling

book fair would show up

to trick us into paying to read!

There's a skateboard

book! What are you getting?

Halley's Comet, with the free poster!

How about you, Fox?

Sweet Valley High? Baby-Sitters Club?

- Bruno and Boots?

- I don't care.

Door's open!

ADULT MARK: It was every

kid for themselves!

The boys fought over

the hockey books

While the girls raced to

get Sweet Valley High,

leaving my path clear.

♪

MARK: Just this. Thank you.

Got it!

Can you believe nobody else wanted this?

Yes.

That's mine!

Mine now!

Give it back!

You do realize you both live

in the same house, right?

Pfft, yeah, not for long.

Frig off!

What

- Got it!

- Congrats!

Do I got something on belonged to you?

Where'd you get your ears pierced?

What's it to ya?

The guys I skateboard

with have theirs pierced

But my parents won't let me.

Even if you recover from

the probable infection,

you'll never survive the inevitable

fallout in the school yard.

An earring won't k*ll him, wuss.

You need to go find a book on Van Gogh.

ADULT MARK: I had other interests.

Halley's Comet was a thing of science,

not some harbinger of doom.

[BELL RINGS]

FOX: Fire!

- KID: Come on, we gotta go!

- MARK: Uh

ADULT MARK: Okay, maybe a little doom.

[BELL RINGING]

- [BELL STOPS]

- Eight minutes!

Six minutes too long.

If this had been a real

fire, you'd have all b*rned

like blasphemers in hell!

What did your brother

mean, "not for long"?

Our poppy d*ed.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry

Don't care. I never knew him.

But he left my dad his house

and now he wants us to move.

That's great! You hate

living in the blocks.

His house is up in

Cape Broyle, dumb-ass.

It's like an hour away.

I won't see my mom.

Or you.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

SISTER ROSE: Back inside! Everyone!

ADULT MARK: Maybe the

world really was ending.

[SOMBRE MUSIC]

["BERRY PICKING TIME" PLAYING ON RADIO]

We were picking berries

at old aunt Mary's ♪

When I picked a blushing bride ♪

Hm

By your kisses I

knew you'd picked me ♪

And I'd picked you

at berry picking time ♪

Ooh! Ooh, that's hot!

Let it cool!

Here.

Hey, it's been a while since

you made blueberry muffins.

Well, these are the last

muffins I'll ever make.

No blueberries for us.

Mom, come on. It's a drive-thru!

There are plenty of other

places to pick blueberries.

It's the memories!

ADULT MARK: Some families

went to Disneyland.

We went "up behind the house."

POP: Haven't you got enough?

- [CHUCKLES]

- Mark!

Come put some sunscreen on my feet!

- MIKE SR: Mark!

- MARY: Yuck.

Come on!

ADULT MARK: We all hated it.

Aw!

We had such lovely times.

ADULT MARK: Well, almost all.

Come on, it'll be all right.

Nothing's gonna change.

Oh, sure!

- [ENGINE STARTS]

- MAN: Back 'er up!

- Keep going!

- [VEHICLE BEEPING]

- MARY: Oh!

- [DISHES CRASHING]

- MAN: Whoa!

- MARY: [SIGHS]

Wayne scored a goal.

It's good for 99!

This is some good book.

Hey, we were watching that!

FOX: Dad? What are you doing here?

Well, your father and I

It's time to crap or get off the pot.

You gotta make a choice.

You either lives with

me, or your mother.

You gotta make a decision today!

That's not fair.

DAD: It's not fair to

me, is what it's not!

Look, your mother's got you crammed into

this basement apartment!

You comes with me, you

all get your own room, b'y!

NEIGHBOUR: Will you shut up down there?!

[BANGING ON WALL]

Frig off and mind your own business!

I'm talkin' to my kids!

So, who's with me?

A baby needs its mudder, you fool!

- He's not wrong.

- I picks Mom, too.

Move out to the boonies,

we won't see Mom no more.

What about me?

You stays, you won't see me no more.

What, you don't care about me?

I'll go with you, Dad.

♪

You mean that, kitten?

Yeah.

♪

Well

SUZANNE: I-I

I'll just grab your stuff, then.

I [SNIFFS]

Mom, wait. I

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SOMBRE MUSIC]

REPORTER: [TV] The mood was

heated in Reykjavík, Iceland today

as President Reagan met

with his counterpart,

Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev

to discuss nuclear disarmament.

President Reagan had this to say

Leaving our real defence,

a policy called "mutual

assured destruction,"

meaning if one side

launched a nuclear att*ck,

the other side could retaliate.

As a result, scientists moved the hands

of the Doomsday Clock to

three minutes to midnight.

The meeting of the two world leaders

ended without any formal agreement

Uh, what's the Doomsday Clock?

It's how they track how close

we are to the end of the world.

POP: Ah, we're fine.

Newfoundland has its own time zone.

We're half an hour

later than that clock.

MIKE SR: Speaking of the time

You better get to bed.

REPORTER: It's a matter of principle.

We'll be right back

Night, Dad. Night, Pop.

POP: Mm-hm.

ADULT MARK: I'd go to bed,

but I'd never get to sleep.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

REAGAN: [TV] Why are

the Soviets so adamant

that America remain forever vulnerable

to Soviet rocket att*ck?

As of today, all three

nations are utterly defenceless

against Soviet missiles fired

either by accident or design.

[NEWS MUSIC]

News flash!

Halley's Comet is headed

directly for Newfoundland!

The United States and the USSR

have both fired nuclear

missiles in retaliation.

[EERIE MUSIC]

[REAGAN'S VOICE IN BACKGROUND,

SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[TENSE MUSIC]

[ROARING SOUND]

[TENSE MUSIC BUILDS]

REAGAN: Are utterly defenceless,

utterly defenceless,

utterly defenceless

10, 9, 8,

7, 6, 5,

4, 3, 2,

1!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

- [LOUD CRASH]

- [MARK SCREAMS]

Aah, no!

POP: All right, shhh, it's just a dream.

Noo!

No, Fox! Help!

- Oh!

- Help!

Oh

You're all wet. What what's going on?

This

The the b*mb!

Fox!

Just a dream.

Here, have some of this.

Now, no more news for

you before bedtime.

It's three minutes to midnight.

Aren't you scared?

[LAUGHS] God, no.

I'm 80.

I've seen it all before!

I mean, it was two minutes

to midnight in the 60's

when Khrushchev started

playing chicken with Kennedy.

- What happened?

- Common sense.

It's not as uncommon

as people may think.

You know, if there's one thing

that being old teaches you,

it's that you live every

day as if it was your last.

And eventually, you'll be right.

All right, go to sleep.

ADULT MARK: When you're little,

you're afraid of the dark.

Growing up brings the realization

that the light can be just as scary.

♪

♪

Oh! [LAUGHS] You got it done!

Awesome, can you still hear me?

Of course.

You got it on the wrong ear for boys!

I do?

The left ear is the right ear.

The right ear's not right.

MARK: It doesn't matter

what ear ya got done, Ritche.

It looks great.

Sook.

You think we could watch

the comet at your place,

since your dad has a telescope?

Sure.

- He won't mind.

- Can I come?

I could pierce your ear.

Mom did mine. There's nothing to it.

No offence, but I'm suspicious.

MARK: Yeah, you said

comets were space snots.

This might be our last

chance to really hang out.

I told Dad I'd go with him.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

If Sister Rose is right,

I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend

the end of the world with.

♪

- Pshew!

- [LAUGHS]

Hello? Anybody there?

CASHIER: Can I take your order?

I have a coupon.

CASHIER: Uh, this is a drive-thru, sir.

You gotta be in a car to order.

How do you know I'm not in a car, hm?

CASHIER: I can see you!

Bloody peeping Tom!

- [CAR HONKS]

- Hey!

I'm trying to order here!

CASHIER: Step out of the line, sir.

POP: Hey, look!

It is a good job you're in that box!

CASHIER: I'll call the police.

POP: Listen, you can't do this to me!

This coupon is legal tender!

- [POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]

- Wha ?

♪

I'm sorry, Mike, I had no choice.

It's a good thing I

was on my lunch break.

Another officer would have charged him.

So he's free to go?

He's banned from Ches's.

Can't go within a hundred

feet of any location.

They're building one next door!

I won't be even be able to use the

kitchen sink, for Christ's sake!

We'll take it. Thank you, Gary.

I'll see you out.

Suck it, pig!

Pop, enough!

Kids.

[BOTH LAUGH]

♪

♪

So, it says here that we'll

see it two hours before sunrise.

That's 3 am.

All I see is fog.

ADULT MARK: It's hard to star-gaze

in a place known for fog horns.

Maybe that's a good thing.

The world can't end if

we can't see the comet.

Shut up with the

predictions, Nostra-dumbass!

Your world isn't gonna end, mine is!

Ugh.

Wait! Wha

- RITCHIE: Aah!

- FOX: Let me see your ear, okay?

RITCHIE: Get off of me!

Get off me!

MARK: What are you doing?

Do you want your ear

pierced or not, pecker-head?

It's not safe!

It is as long as you're

not a girl about it!

Give me the compass.

Uh

Uh

- Compass?

- Mm-hm.

Lighter.

Uh, lighter?

Oh no, are you gonna burn a hole in me?

No, it's to sterilize it.

I think we should rethink this.

- Potato.

- What?

Pass me the friggin' potato!

RITCHIE: I'm not hungry.

Ready?

I think I'm gonna puke.

Hold his hand.

- Is it gonna hurt?

- No.

I'm gonna tell you

when it's coming, okay?

5, 4, 3

Owwww!

You didn't wait!

ADULT MARK: Having your ear pierced

is like the end of the world.

It's only scary if you see it coming.

Bad-ass!

Is it supposed to be bleeding that much?

Here.

Hold still.

[WINCES]

Cool!

Now you won't forget me.

We'll never forget you.

Promise?

♪

- Ow!

- Blood swear?

Gross.

Blood swear!

Pretty sure it's supposed

to be our own blood, but

Blood swear.

Friends forever, right?

[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]

♪

Come with me and you will

see what's down the road ♪

We might handed barren

lands or fields of gold ♪

♪

Yet no matter where we roam,

no, we'll never be alone ♪

♪

Just come with me and you will see ♪

That we will always be ♪

Home. ♪

♪

ADULT MARK: Places come and go,

but the memories live on.

- Mm, mm! That's hot!

- It's not jam yet.

You gotta let the blueberries simmer.

Hm? Here.

Pass the sugar.

ADULT MARK:

Like dandelions in the sidewalk,

we find a way to survive.

Even when things are at their darkest,

you can find a little light.

REAGAN: [TV] We are closer

than ever before to agreements

that could lead to a safer

world without nuclear weapons.

It was a simple proposal, one

might say "disarmingly" simple.

REPORTER: [TV]

With news of a nuclear treaty,

the Doomsday Clock was moved

back to six minutes to midnight.

A lot of people will sleep

much more soundly tonight.

Don't forget to have an

eye out for Halley's Comet

as it passes over the province tonight.

It should be quite the

sight, if the clouds hold off.

ADULT MARK: Our world keeps changing,

but people rarely do.

You knows it's better if

they all stays together!

Yeah, better for you, ya mean!

Greg! She needs her brothers!

♪

[ENGINE STARTS]

Trying to catch your heart ♪

Is like trying to catch a star ♪

♪

So many people love you, baby ♪

That must be what you are ♪

Waiting for a star to fall

to carry your heart ♪

ADULT MARK: Growing up is tough.

But with the right people by your side,

it's not the end of the world.

♪

Waiting for a star to fall ♪

And carry your heart into my arms ♪

That's where you belong ♪

In my arms, baby, yeah ♪

I've learned to feel

what I cannot see ♪

♪

I don't know how to dream your dream ♪

So I'm all caught up

in the superstition ♪