01x04 - Masquerade

[bunniefuu]

[Opening Credit Music]

[sinister music]

Huh?

[struggles]

[gasps]

[p*rn Actor Gangster]
Finally awake,

Angel Dust?

Yeah, and what's it to ya?

[p*rn Actor Gangster] I want you to
tell me where your boss stashes his vault.

Hehehe!
It's hilarious you think

I'd tell you anything.

Fine. I guess I'll just have
to f*ck the information outta ya.

Do your worst, daddy.

...Ohhhh,
yeahhh, baby!

[Angel] Ya know,
this performance

won me a
'Sex-x-x-i' award!

It's, uh...
very... honest? Oh.

[Vaggie] Ew!

Okay! Enough of that. Angel,
what the f*ck?

What?! You said
it was "Show n' Tell" day.

I'm showin ' you my best film,

and I'm tellin' you that it
scored me a win over that bitch,

Tiffany Titfucker.

[Husk] Ya know, not a very
convincing interrogation scene.

Alright dickhead,

what makes you think you have any
right to insult my work to my f*ckin' face?

You really going to sit there
and act like these scripts

ain't hot garbage?

[gasps] f*ck you.

This is classy art.

[Angel on TV]
OH! FUUUCK!!

That's bullshit.

You get drunk and
bitch about them all the time.

Everyone likes to bitch
to the bartender.

I know everything about
you and these m*therf*ckers at this point.

That one.

That one is an insecure buffoon

whose lonely ass
watches you idiots sleep!

Princess, is a bleeding heart who wants to
solve everybody else's problems 'cept her own.

What?! No,
I... what? Pffff, no, no.

This one judges everyone and
everything because she hates herself.

Aargh!

[Husk] And Niffty.

Hehhh...

You don't even wanna know
what her deal is.

- [slurps]
- [Angel laughs]

You weren't kidding!

Haha, wow!

Kitten's got claws!

[sexily] Meow!

And you!

Don't get me started. I see
right through you and all this bullshit

and how fake you are.

Oh, Me? Fake?

Wow.

I had no idea.

Guess that's why I'm an actor.

Dumbass

And...

[phone vibrates]
Hold that thought.

[Angel] Hello?

Uh, yeah I'm-I'm...

No, No, I just, I...

[nervously] No, I-I'm not...

But, uh... Yeah,

I'll be right there.

[Angel] Well, uh,

looks like Val
needs me for an...

Uh... emergency sh**t.

Uh-uh, Sure.

You know what?
f*ck you.

I don't give a sh*t what some
drunk ass bartender thinks a' me.

So why don't you just crawl back

to whatever cave you came from,
p*rn critic.

- [Husk growls]
- [Charlie] Angel! You can't leave yet.

We haven't finished
our exercises for the day.

I'm sure you'll
manage without me.

There isn't much time left
for the hotel to prove itself.

Dollface, it's my job.

I know you want to fix
everything, but unless you can fix my boss,

there's nothing you can do.

[door slams]

Uuugh, why is this so haaaard?

What am I doing wrong?

[Vaggie] Well, I mean...

- you're the princess of Hell,
- So?

So, you don't really use
the power that comes with that,

which I love about you,

but maybe you can...
I don't know,

command
a little more... authority.

[Charlie] But that's so mean.

It's not mean, exactly.

it's... uh,
aggressive kindness.

[Charlie] Okay...

I could be so aggressively kind
to Angel's boss...

that I convince him to let Angel
spend more time at the hotel!

[Vaggie] Sure.
Whatever gets you there, babe.

Ohhh! Daddy, I... uhhhh?

Do you really expect me
to memorize this whole script?

Just improv it.

Do you think anyone watches
for the dialogue?

Action!

[door slams open]

[raunchy music]
Oh, no.

So many burglars...

[sexily] and only one me!

Whatever shall I do?

I guess I'll
have to do all of you!

Ohh!

So what are you gonna do
ta' me?

[Angel] Charlie?

- Uh, my name's Rocky.
- No one gives a sh*t.

Oh, so this is
where the magic happens.

Oh, wow, that is...
[gasps]

That is a lot.

What in the ever-loving f*ck
are you doing here?!

I am the Princess of Hell,
Angel. And I go where I please.

[softly] I'm here to get you some time
off for the hotel. Now, where's your boss?

Oh, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no.
You are going nowhere near Val...

[Valentino] Angel!

What is the f*cking hold up?

I'm coming.

[Valentino] Not off camera.
You're not.

Please, please, just wait,
wait until I'm done working

and we will talk about this,
I promise. But first, you've gotta go.

[Valentino] Aaaah, Your Majesty.

Oh, sh*t.

Welcome to my humble
sex dungeon.

What can I do for such a...
[licks and slurps]

Uh, no, thank you.

[Valentino]
Mm! Lovely specimen!

You don't want a role, do you?

Because I could make you a star.

Make us both richer
than, well,

your papito...

[Charlie] f*ck No!

Uh, I-I'm sorry.

I have come to
aggressively, kindly

speak with you about Angel.

Later, of course.

I wouldn't want to stand
in the way of your work.

Well then, make yourself
comfortable, Your Majesty,

and enjoy the show.

Well, let's take
this sh*t from the top.

[p*rn Director laughs]
Action!

[Angel]
Oh, wow, mister robbers,

I sure hope you don't hurt me
with those... big g*ns of yours.

[ p*rn Actor Rocky] Don't move, you spicy
little, uuh, cock sleeve or else I'll...

[Charlie whispering]...We do
trust exercises everyday in the morning...

[Valentino shouts] Cut! What
the f*ck is going on with this?

Ooh, I'm sorry.
Were we too loud?

I was just telling him
about the Hazbin Hotel.

Not at all, Princess.

It doesn't bother me one bit.

You know, this scene
feels awfully violent.

If you want
help with the script,

maybe I can pitch
some scenarios that are more...

- [screams]
- [electricity crackles]

Okay. Okay. Ah, ah okay,
that's on fire. That-that, that's on fire.

[crew and actors scream]
Oh sh*t...

[indistinguishable melee]

Oh, god. Okay.
Uh, do you have any...

- [Charlie] Can I get a fire extinguisher?
- [Valentino sighs]

I am so sorry. I ruined
your movie. I ruined your movie.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm s-s-s-s-s-sorry!

[Charlie] Noooooo!

[Valentino growls]

[Angel]
Oh, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

Oh, my gosh.
I am so, so, so, so sorry.

I... I can clean this up,
I... I can...

[Valentino] Don't you worry your
pretty blonde head about it.

We have people for that.

Angel,

can I see you in
your dressing room for a moment?

[suspenseful music]

- [door slams]
- [Angel] Val, I didn't know that...

- [slaps]
- [Valentino grunts]

[Angel smarts]
Val, I...

You really think you can have
Lucifer's little bitch fight

your battles for you?
- [Angel pants]

- Arrgh! Val, please... I'm sorry she...
- [Valentino growls]

You bring
her here to protect you?

To f*ck with me?

[Angel] Ow! Val, stop!

You think she can
get you out of work?

No! No, that's not
what I'm trying to do. No...

- [Valentino growls]
- [Angel gasps]

[Valentino menacingly]
You know she can't do anything.

I own you.
Or have you forgotten that?

[whimpers] No.

When I say "come", you say?

[Angel] Yes, Valentino.

When I say "you are
f*cking 20 guys before lunch,"

- you say?
- Yes, Valentino.

When I say
"you better get that f*cking

[shouts]
c**t out of my studio."

[menacing music]
You say?

- [Angel] I...
- [Valentino aggressively] You say?

Look, Val, she just gets involved in everything.

I'll tell her to leave.
Just don't hurt her.

[Valentino] I have k*lled b*tches for
less than this attitude you're giving me.

You're lucky you make me money.

Now, you're going
to go get rid of her,

and then you are
filming all night.

Get me?

Yes, Val.

Good.

- [Angel gasps]
- [glass smashes]

[Valentino loudly] All right.

Get your asses back on set, and
we are taking this from the top.

[angrily] What makes you think
you can treat him like that?

Charlie!
Just stop!

Angel, what are you talking ab...

Charlie, Leave!

[Charlie] But...

I didn't want you ta come here.

I already asked you to leave
and you didn't listen.

You made things worse.

I just wanted to help you.

Well, you ain't!

You actually want to help me?

Get the f*ck out of here!

Right now, and
let me finish my work.

I... I didn't...
[sobs]

mean to!
I... I'm... I'm so sorry.

- [Charlie sobs]
- [footsteps recede into the distance]

- [door slams]
- [Valentino laughs]

Good boy.

And action.
[dark brooding music]

♪ I'm not above
a love to cash in ♪

♪ Another lover underneath those
flashing lights ♪

♪ Another one of those
ruthless nights ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I shoulda guessed that this
would happen ♪

♪ I should have known it when
I looked in your red hot eyes ♪

♪ Spewing all
your red hot lies ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ What's the worst part
of this hell ♪

♪ I can only blame myself ♪

♪ Cause I know you're poison ♪

♪ You're feedin' me poison ♪

♪ Addicted to this feelin'
I can't help but swallow up ♪

♪ Your poison ♪

♪ I made my choice and ♪

♪ every night I'm living
like there's no tomorrow ♪

♪ Ohhhh ♪

♪ Any way you want me baby ♪

♪ That's the way
you got me I'll be ♪

♪ Yours ♪

♪ My story's gonna end
with me dead from your poison ♪

♪ I got so good
at being untrue ♪

♪ I got so good at tellin' you
what you wanna hear ♪

♪ I disassociate,
disappear ♪

♪ Yeah-yeah-yeah ♪

♪ So far beyond difficult ♪

♪ To resist another gulp ♪

♪ Yeah I know it's poison ♪

♪ You're feedin' me poison ♪

♪ I'm choking from the taste ♪

♪ And I can't
help but swallow up ♪

♪ Your poison ♪

♪ I made my choice and ♪

♪ every night I'm wasted
like there's no tomorrow ♪

♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ Any way you want me baby ♪

♪ That's the way
you got me I'll be ♪

♪ yours ♪

♪ My story's gonna end
with me dead from your poison ♪

♪ Poison ♪

♪ I'm drowning in poison ♪

♪ I'm fillin' up my glass ♪

♪ But it's always hollow ♪

♪ Full of poison ♪

♪ I'm sick of the poison ♪

♪ Wish I had something
to live for tomorrow ♪

[song ends]

[groans]

Eugh,

I need a drink.

The hardest you can make.

[Husk] Hmm.
You look like sh*t.

[bottle cork pops]
[Angel takes a deep breath]

Pfft. Not possible.

Just a long sh**t,

nothin' new.
[liquor pours]

[gulps]
[laid back music]

Eugh, I said a strong one.

Excuse me.

Didn't realize this was
a "drinking to forget" kind of night.

Oh, I forgot.
You're the wise old bartender

who's seen it all.

Get the f*ck over yourself
and pour me a real drink.

Look, if you got a problem,

you're not going to find
the solution at the bottom of a bottle.

I should know, I've
been looking there a long time.

Oh sure,

And where should I look? Hmm?
[laid back piano music]

[sexily]
In your bedroom, maybe?

Under the covers?

Maybe we can go
and look together.

Don't even start.

Oh, c'mon, I bet
I can make those wings flap!

[Husk] Stop!
[glass smashes]

f*cking Christ!

You can cut the act already.

It's never going to work on me.
So all you're doing

is makin' an ass out of yourself
with this fake bullshit.

[shouts angrily]
Call me fake one more time,

mother fucker!

I dare you!

[tense music]

Fake.

f*ckin' assh*le

Arrgh!
God!

Ya done?

[growls angrily]
Ya know what?

You would be f*cking l ucky
to get a chance to f*ck me!

Ya know how much I'm worth?

Ya know how many people would
k*ll to have Angel Dust come onto them?

f*ck you!

Have fun being
a lonely piece of sh*t.

Woah... the hell?
Angel, where are you going?

[Angel] Out!
[door slams]

Husk, what did you do?

Made him a drink.

Oh, no.

He looked really upset.

It's just Angel.
He'll be fine.

I'm not so sure.

I really messed up at the
studio today and he got...

Ugh, it was...
it wasn't good, okay?

[melancholy music]
Gee, sounds like

someone should go after him...

Someone named "Husk".

Oh, you gotta be f*cking kidding
me. Why don't you go if you're so worried?

Because I'm not the one
who sent him storming out.

You caused it.
You drag him back.

No! No...

Don't force him back.

Just make sure he's safe.

I pushed too hard earlier and...

I only made things worse.

Look, he'll come
back when he's ready.

I just don't want anything
to happen to him until then.

[Husk growls]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm
going to go write 100

apology letters and a lesson
plan for tomorrow about...

boundaries.

[sirens blare]

[snorts]
Oh, yeah.

[Husk growls]

[Angel laughs]
[Angel] I'm so f*cked up!

Gimme a whiskey...

I meant
the whole bottle, jackass.

[Angel]...
Haha, ya, ya, so I said

"You couldn't afford
me in a million afterlives!"

I got better options,
right boys?

[Gangsters laugh]
You got that right!

[Husk snarls]
[Angel] Hey, baby,

be a doll and
bring me another one?

Daddy's outta juice!

[background bar music]
[liquor pours]

[bottle top pops]

[Husk huffs]

Here you go, darling.

Just for you...
Woah!

[Husk] Nice try, fuckhead.

[gangster screams]

[up tempo music]
[g*ns click]

- [Husk] Let's go.
- [Angel] What the? Hey!

[Angel] H-h-hey, hey!

[Angel] Husk! What the
actual f*ck are you doing here?

Let go of me.

No, I'm
takin' you back to the hotel.

[Angel] Get off!

That fucker put
somethin' in yer drink.

You don't think I can tell
if someone spikes my drink?

I do this all the f*ckin' time.

You just let people drug you
all the time?

You think I ask for it? I don't
ask for any of this sh*t!

I didn't ask to be this way.

I didn't ask for
Charlie to save me.

I didn't ask for you to save me.

I can handle myself.

Really? Because I just
saw someone self-destructing.

It seems like...
I don't know.

Ya might need a
bartender to talk to.

[Angel incredulously]
Oh, so now you're going to act

like you give a sh*t about me?

You think after how you treated
me, I'm gonna to open up to you? Please.

Maybe I'd treat you better
if you were real,

and not some bullshit
version of yourself.

Always pushin' my boundaries.

Lemme tell ya, nobody in
that hotel cares who you are.

How famous, how hot.

[Husk] So you might as well
just cut the act.

[Angel] It's not an act!

[sobbing]
It's who I need to be.

And this...

This is my escape!

Where I can forget about it all!

How much I hate...

everything.

A place where I can get high,

and not have to think about
how much it hurts.

And maybe...

if I can ruin myself
enough in the process,

if I end up broken,

I won't be
his favorite toy anymore.

And maybe he'll let me go.

[muted street noise]

[Husk sighs]

I was an Overlord once,
you know.

Yeah,

and uh...

It was nice to have that power.

But when you're
dealing in souls,

[atmosphere changes]
while also being a gambler,

[sinister music]
the stakes are pretty high.

And losing a few hands can
be more than a little dangerous.

So when you're
down on your luck,

you turn to anything
to... keep you afloat,

[sinister music continues]
even making deals yourself.

So I know what it's like to...

regret the choices made and...

knowin' ya can't take it back.

[sirens blare in the distance]

[soft ballad music]

♪ So things look bad and
your back's against the wall ♪

♪ Your whole existence
seems f*cking hopeless ♪

♪ You're feelin' filthy
as a dive bar bathroom stall ♪

♪ Can't face the world
sober and dopeless ♪

♪ You've lost your way ♪

♪ Ya think
your life is wrecked ♪

♪ Well, let me just
say you're correct ♪

[Angel] Wait. What?

[upbeat pop music]
♪ You're a loser baby ♪

♪ A loser g*dd*mn baby ♪

♪ You're a f*cked
up little whiny bitch ♪

- [Angel] Hey!
- [Husk] ♪ You're a loser just like me ♪

[Angel] Thanks, assh*le

[Husk] ♪ You're
a screw's loose boozer ♪

♪ An only one-star-reviews-er ♪

♪ You're a power
bottom at rock bottom ♪

♪ But you got company ♪

[Angel] This supposed to
make me feel better?

♪ There was a time ♪

♪ I thought
that no one could relate ♪

♪ To the gruesome ways
in which I'm damaged ♪

[glass smashes]

♪ But lettin' walls down ♪

♪ it can
sometimes set you straight ♪

♪ We're all living
in the same sh*t sandwich ♪

[Angel]
♪ I sold my soul ♪

♪ To a psychopathic freak ♪

♪ [Husk laughs] And you think
that makes you unique ♪

♪ Get outta here man ♪

♪ We're both losers baby ♪

♪ We're losers it's okay
to be a ♪

[Angel]
♪ Coked-up d*ck suckin' ho ♪

♪ Baby that's fine by me ♪

♪ I'm a loser honey ♪

♪ A schmoozer and a dummy ♪

♪ But at least
I know I'm not alone ♪

[together]
♪ You're a loser just like me ♪

[Husk] ♪ I got
an appetite for gambling ♪

[Angel] ♪ I got
an appetite for samplin' ♪

♪ Every drug g*ng
sex toy I can find ♪

[Husk] ♪ Go ahead,
baby, sing that song, c'mon ♪

[Angel] ♪ I got no
Holes left to deflower ♪

[Husk] ♪ I sold my
soul to save my power ♪

♪ Now I'm on that demon's leash

♪ I'm trapped and it gets worse
with every hour ♪

[Angel]
♪ You're a loser baby ♪

[Husk]
♪ A loser but just maybe ♪

[both]
♪ If we eat sh*t together ♪

♪ Things will
End up differently ♪

[Husk] ♪ It's time to
Lose your self-loathing ♪

♪ Excuse yourself let hope in ♪

♪ Baby play
Your card be who you are ♪

[both]
♪ A loser ♪

♪ Just... ♪

♪ Like... ♪
[song end abruptly]

[Gangster]
There he is!

They're f*cking singing?

Get em!
[sh*ts ring out]

[frantic music]

[Husk] sh*t!

Stay down, I'll deal with this.

[Gangster]
Haha! You're f*ckin' dead.

[expl*si*n]

[grunts]

[maniacal laughing]
We got you now!

[Husk]
You mother f*ck...

[Angel]
Eat lead, sucker! Hahahaha!

[machine g*n continues f*ring]

I told ya,

I can handle myself, baby.

[laughs maniacally]

[expl*si*n roars]

[Gangster]
This did not go as planned.

Heh. Well,

that was somethin'
I didn't expect to see.

Like I said, you don't know me.

Sex ain't
the only thing I'm good at.

Good to know, cause this guy

ain't half bad.

[light music]

[Husk and Angel laugh together]

He had,
like, three bills,

and it took him, like,



His eyes are so sh*t.

And this is the guy
you got to take orders from?

I know.

What a f*cking joke, right?

[Charlie] I'm so sorry, Angel.

I promise I won't ever,

ever, ever, ever-

[Angel]
Charlie,

it's fine. I get it.

Thanks...

for carin' about me.

[Charlie sobs]

Ehhhhh... I think this is yours.

[Vaggie] Okay
missy, let's get you to bed.

He... he... said...
he... for-forgave meee!

Oh, it's so beautiful Vaggie!

Hey, how about that drink.

You read my mind.

[light music]

[End Credit Music]