05x06 - Operation Complication

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "I am jazz"...

I'm willing to do everything it takes

To get the vag*na that I've always envisioned.

The most common complication that we see

Is the skin edges to actually come apart.

So if that happens, what do we do?

Call .

My doctor says, "you have an abnormal heartbeat,"

And I'm going into a procedure myself.

I hate the fact that this is all happening at the same time.

I love you. -Love you.

It's here, and I'm just happy for her.

I have concerns about how tight the skin is.

We've got a tremendous amount of tension on the incisions.

-Ah! -Oh, I'm sorry.

Should've warned you about that. -It's okay.

Jazz: I feel a pop, and with it, I felt this crazy pain.

[ Voice breaking ] I felt like an incision just popped.

I'm gonna send this picture that I just took over to him.

Jeanette: dr. Ting is gonna make a decision

If she's gonna go back in the o.r.

Everything here is under a lot of tension.

-I should pack up. -I would pack up.

Jeanette: I'm really upset.

If I feel this way, I can only imagine how she feels.

You got this.

You're the strongest, bravest person I know.

♪♪

--Captions by vitac-- www.vitac.com

Captions paid for by discovery communications

[ Crying ]

I'm just so worried,

And I'm just angry.

I just don't know why this is happening.

I'm mad.

It's just -- she didn't deserve this.

[ Crying ]

I tried so hard to not let her know

That I have been dying inside.

Just not the way it was supposed to be.

It was not the way this was supposed to go down.

Everything was going so well.

It was going so well.

I don't know why.

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

-Thank you so much. -No problem.

Jeanette: I'm feeling dizzy, overwhelmed,

And this is a horrible feeling.

Like, please just bring her back to me

With good news, please.

I wish greg was here.

♪♪

Good to see you.

Ari: it's upsetting to see how sad my mom is

And panicking inside.

Usually my dad keeps her calm 'cause he's her rock.

It's definitely going to be a tough road,

But I'll be there for them %.

So he just started doing surgery on her,

But he's confident that he made the right decision.

But does this, like, set her backwards?

Yeah.

Like a week?

[ Phone ringing ]

Greg: how's it going?

Dr. Ting is going need to work on her for two full hours.

I think he wanted to be proactive,

And he didn't want to let it run any longer

With the fear that it could get worse.

Are you interested in trying to come for the weekend?

Is that something that's feasible for you or too hard?

You know, I'll be okay. You don't have to do it for me.

I just thought maybe for you, you might want to see her,

But, you know...

Okay. I just thought it's something

For you to think about.

All right. Well...

Yeah, yeah.

-Love you. -Love you, too.

Okay.

-All right. Buh-bye. -Bye.

I need moral support.

I need help caring for her, being there for her.

He cheers her up and, you know,

It's hard for me to do this on my own,

But I don't know that he could break away.

I mean, he really needs to go to work, so...

-Hello. -Hi.

Okay, so we're all done.

Number one -- it was the right decision to do this...

Mm-hmm.

...because as we were getting her on the bed,

Like, I felt something go pop.

Oh, my goodness.

And she said, "oh, that doesn't feel good."

Uh-huh.and then when I looked,

The whole thing had just split open, so...

Wow.

If we hadn't done it today in the o.r.,

It would have happened in the hotel...

-Oh, my goodness. -...maybe tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. So your instinct was right.

It was right. Absolutely right.

So what we did -- we were very conservative.

We sewed some things back up,

And we removed any tissue that didn't look healthy.

And I think that that will take tension off of

Any of the remaining incisions, and the good news is,

The inside, the vaginal vault itself, is good.

It's wide open, and that looked healthy.

Great.

Dr. Ting: she really was under so much tension

That it created these large wounds.

So we took a little bit of a skin graft

From the other side of her groin which we didn't use before,

And I just put that in over the open wounds,

Repacked the vag*na, and we covered everything up,

And let the skin recover as much as it can.

Skin grafts don't always work, and if that happens,

Then we will probably just do the skin grafts again.

Let's hope we don't have to do that.

This is a setback, but we caught it early.

We treated it appropriately,

And now we just hope for the best.

Jeanette: I can't say that I feel relieved.

I'm happy that this part's over

And that we got good, positive feedback,

But I am definitely not letting my guard down.

I just -- when he said that she went in and, like,

It popped --

If we had waited and that had happened in the...

Yeah, that would have been awful

If that happened at the hotel.

'Cause she obviously was bleeding.

They didn't say it, but I know everything pulled.

-Yeah. -Oh, god.

♪♪

We're going to recovery to see my jazzmatazz.

-Hey, mom. -It's nice to see you, honey.

-Oh, what's up? -Hey.

-Y'all are here. -Cotton mouth.

Look at you. -Girl, I'm tired.

-Aw. We're gonna let you sleep. -Sleep, sleep, sleep.

She has looked better.

Her coloring's a little washed out.

She usually has rosy cheeks, but she's been through so much.

Her little body has been to hell and back,

And she's so brave. She's just is like, "I'm okay."

I feel bad 'cause when bella was like,

"In the long run," she's like,

"Everything is gonna turn out great."

And she said, "I know right now..."

And then I started crying a little

When we were in the o.r. [ Laughs ]

Yeah.

Jazz: I'm a little bit tired. It's early.

But what scares me the most is

If the same thing happens again.

I just want it to all stay together

And just, I want to move forward, not backward.

[ Phone ringing ]

-Hello. -Hey. Can you hear me?

Greg: yes. I can hear you.

-Okay. -Can you hear me?

Jeanette: yes, I can hear you.

Dr. Ting said that when they were transferring her

Onto the bed for -- in the o.r.,

A bunch of the sutures just popped right open.

Like, everything opened up.

What did they attribute that to?

It just -- everything was too tight,

But she got here just in time.

Thank goodness.

Greg: I feel relieved that they got to surgery in a nick of time,

But one of my fears of jazz

Having to go through another surgery

Is that it'll set jazz back mentally,

And, you know, she's got to be patient

'Cause this is gonna be slow road to recovery.

So at this point, he doesn't really have a timeline?

He's just gonna keep an eye on her and see how she heals?

Yep, one day at a time.

Okay.

Are you gonna stay with her at the hospital?

Yeah, yep.

I'm gonna stay here. I'm not gonna leave.

I'm gonna sleep here every night.

Mm-kay. All right.

All right.

Well, you and I will talk and try to figure out the plan.

-Yeah. -It's like it's day by day.

-Yep. -But all right.

I love you.

All right. Love you very much.

Bye-bye.

Love you, too. Bye.

♪♪

♪♪

I just feel trapped.

You feel trapped here, huh?

Jazz has been really strong and brave, but she hit a wall.

I mean, she has crashed.

It's like having your cat, huh?

Jazz: it's just so crazy knowing

That I was walking up to this hospital

Just a week ago with a completely different mind-set.

I was super-excited and eager to get the body

That I've always wanted, and I was so positive.

I was like, "this is gonna work out,"

And now it's just, like, all -- it's all come crashing down.

-Hi. -Hi.

-How's it going? -Hello.

You talk to the doctor, jazz.

How you feeling?

She's pretty blue.

-Yeah. -It's okay.

It's okay to not be cheerful all the time.

Jazz is understandably down.

I think she's discouraged, and she's worried.

She's anxious, and who wouldn't be?

I think, emotionally, physically, in every way,

This is a big setback.

This is uncommon.

This is in or cases

That something like this will happen.

You know, she's scared that the same thing's gonna happen.

Dr. Ting: well, it wouldn't be the same thing

'Cause it's a completely different situation.

The things -- the complications that would happen now

Because we did this would be,

I think, on a much smaller scale.

Okay. That's good.

That's reassuring.

I know that she has a long course ahead of her.

The good news is that the inside of the vag*na is healthy.

The lining is intact,

And the , % of graft that's there

Will eventually heal any of the open areas.

But she'll go through a period where it's gonna look horrible,

And I think that, emotionally, could be tough for her.

Jeanette: greg, things went really bad

And they called in a special surgeon.

You need to rush to the hospital.

Greg: okay. I will. I'll come.

It's a nightmare. It's a nightmare.

[ Crying ]

♪♪

Jazz: grandma jacky texted me.

She said, "I want to tell you how much we love and miss you."

I'm starting to just accept the nightmare

That I just went through,

And hopefully I could come to a more positive place

And just realize that it is what it is,

But right now, I'm just not there yet,

And I just feel like there's nothing I can do.

"We send you all our love and anything else you need

For a speedy recovery."

This was just really a huge setback --

Like, more than a week

Because he's not letting her go at all.

There's no end in sight at this point,

And she's gonna be depressed.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Oh, dr. Bowers.

She's calling?

Dr. Bowers: hi. Good morning.

Jeanette: good morning.

Here, jazz. Take the phone.

-Hey. -Hello, sweetie.

Dr. Bowers: stuck in the hospital again, huh?

Yep.

Dr. Bowers: the second surgery was a shock to me.

I mean, jazz's first surgery went fantastic.

Given what we had, we were very optimistic,

But we were relying on a lot of healing to take place.

We were maybe overly optimistic,

But I do think it might mean

That we have to plan on that revision surgery,

And that's just cosmetics.

That would be way out -- three months, maybe six months.

If the labia aren't as defined,

There's a good chance you would need a revision operation,

And that would be three to four months after surgery.

At that point, I feel like I care less about how it looks

And just want something that is healing and working.

You know, the body has a way of sorting things out.

You're welcome to call me anytime, absolutely anytime.

-All right. -Okay. Have a lovely day.

-Thank you. -Okay. Bye.

-Bye. -Bye.

Jazz: everyone says that in the long run,

Everything is gonna work out,

But right now, I am just still feeling so down.

I feel like I live here now.

[ Sighs ] I really miss my cats.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey. I'm gonna mount sinai hospital, please.

Thank you.

It's been about a week since jazz's second surgery,

And I have been sleeping at the hospital almost every night,

But last night, I went back to the hotel room

To get a good night's sleep.

-Hello. -Good morning.

I can't see you. Where are...

Jacky: I know, because you're in my ear.

Hold on. [ Chuckles ]

You're -- all right. There you go.

Are you nervous this morning, dad,

About your ablation surgery?

Nobody likes to have catheters stuck up their groin

Into their heart, but...oh, geez.

...getting used to the idea, I guess.

I wish I could be there with you.

I wish I could be there with you.

Are you as good as you seem?

No. [ Laughs ]

I'm a mom of four.

I know how to multitask really well.

I can worry about jazz and my dad at the same time

And still put a smile on my face.

Everybody is concerned and asks how she's doing

And when she would be back home again.

Dr. Ting came in yesterday, and she's still pretty raw.

Jeanette: dr. Ting finally removed the bandages,

And it does not look good.

In fact, I was freaked out that she would see what was going on,

But dr. Ting says she just needs to heal.

So we really need to keep jazz's spirits up

Because there's a long road to recovery here.

It's heartbreaking.

She's gone through so much

And still isn't quite out the other side yet.

What can we do for you?

I think the best thing that you could do right now is

You have a healthy, good surgery.

We want to hear you came through with flying colors

And that you feel great 'cause we need some good news.

"P" and "p" -- positive energy and patience.

Yes. All right.

So, mom, you keep me posted.

Text me constantly.

I want to know everything that's happening on your end, okay?

All right. I'll be in touch this afternoon.

-All right. Bye. Bye. -Bye.

♪♪

Jeanette: jazz, have they told you to walk around a little more,

Like up and down the hallway, maybe?

No. I mean, I kind of walk around the room

More than you realize.

I just haven't done it in a few hours.

[ Knocking ]

Come in!

Hello.

-Hey. -Hi, jazz.

-Oh, my goodness. -Surprise!

-How are you? -It's rainbow raymond!

-Can I give you a hug? -Hey.

Raymond: I wanted to visit jazz because I know that

She's literally been waiting her entire life for this surgery.

It's been something that we've talked about for hours,

And there was so much anticipation and build-up,

And so the second that I heard

That there might have been a complication

Or it didn't go exactly as it was planned,

I was like, "I need to be here,"

Because she's like a little sister to me,

And I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

What have you been doing in here, like...

-Nothing. -Nothing?

Jeanette: we binge-watch "handmaid's tale" season two.

That sounds like something really dark to be watching,

Like, [laughs] in the hospital while you're recovering.

No. It reminded me that my life could be worse.

Jeanette: raymond is so important in jazz's life.

They're like two little chatty, gossipy girlfriends,

And he always puts jazz in a good mood,

And I'm so happy to see him

Because it's the medicine that she needs right now.

You're here a little longer than we thought, right?

Yeah. There was a setback with the surgery.

There were a couple of days where I was like,

"The vag*na looks crazy and scary."

It's basically like a wound right now.

So I took a blush mirror...

-No, jazz. -...and looked at it.

It looked just as bad

As they had told me it was gonna look.

My mom, my sister, and every doctor that came to visit me

Told me not to look at my vag*na,

But that's exactly why I had to see it.

I was like, "okay. This looks like [bleep]."

It's not even nearly as good as what it looked like

During the first surgery, but it still is what it is.

It's scary to look at it,

But I also know that it's temporary.

It doesn't feel like --

It's almost like looking at my penis.

Like, "oh, you're temporary."

-Mm-hmm. -"You're gonna go away."

And everything internal's great.

-Good. -Yeah.

Oh, that's the most important thing.

I love dilating.

Most people don't like dilating because it's, like,

Something uncomfortable and it hurts,

But I love dilating because when I dilate,

It's, like, "ooh, I have a vag*na."

[ Laughs ] yes.

This is the one I use right now.

So this is, like, the thinnest one,

But eventually you get to that one.

Girl!

[ Laughing ] I can't.

Here's where I am now.

[ Deep voice ] here's where I will be.

I'm so proud of her.

Like, she's kept such a positive attitude through all of this,

And I think it would be so easy to say, "why me?"

To get really angry, to get really bitter

And go into a dark place,

But throughout her life, she's had a lot of setbacks,

And I actually feel like jazz's life

Has prepared her for overcoming this.

Your family is the best.

-I've definitely learned a lot. -It really is.

And a lot of trans people don't have families like yours

To be with them and support them

Through a surgery like this,

So there's so many blessings in your world.

And that's why I'm glad this has happened to me.

Mm.

Jazz: there have definitely been a lot of scary moments

Throughout this process --

You know, having my vag*na come apart entirely,

Gonna the o.r. A second time.

It's definitely been a longer, more challenging road

Than other patients who have this surgery,

But having people who love you by your side makes it easier.

-I love you. -Ah, I love you, too.

♪♪

[ Phone ringing ]

-Hello? -Greg?

Greg: yeah.

Things went really bad, and he was bleeding,

And they called in a special surgeon.

You need to rush to the hospital.

Jeanette: so my mom calls, crying, and she tells me my dad

Is fighting for his life in emergency surgery.

There was a tear, and he's bleeding out.

You need to call my mom.

I mean, I need you because you're calm and stable,

And just call my mom right now and say, "jacky, I'm coming,

And I'm gonna be there for you,

And it's gonna be okay."Okay.

[ Crying ] you need to be there for my mom.

Okay. I will. I'll come.

Okay.

-I love you. -I love you, too. Bye.

Don't worry. Okay, bye.

Bye.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Sobs ]

Jeanette: [ normal voice ] to know that my dad could die,

And I am helpless -- it's a nightmare.

It's a nightmare.

♪♪

♪♪

Worrying is worse than knowing.

Like, just give it to me straight.

Like, don't mess with me.

Here we are.

Jazz is recovering after emergency surgery,

And now my dad is fighting for his life in emergency surgery,

And I don't think I've ever felt more scared in my entire life.

[ Phone ringing ]

-Jeanette? -Mom?

-Hi. -What's going on?

Jeanette: I'm so relieved to hear that my dad is recovering,

But we have had some pretty bad luck lately,

And I feel like I have to look over my shoulder

And prepare for something else

Because it's just happening one after the next.

Jacky: don't break down on me.

I need you to take care of jazz,

And greg and I will take care of your father here.

I'm stuck.

I'm just stuck in a helpless, horrible situation.

I'm trying to get a grip, but I'm just not there emotionally.

All I can think of is, "what next?"

All right, I love you,

And I'm gonna be here at the hospital all night.

-Okay. -I love you.

-Love you the most. Bye. -Bye.

♪♪

♪♪

Jeanette: glad you're feeling better.

I'm having phantom testicle syndrome. [ Laughs ]

Conversations I thought I'd never have with my daughter.

Jeanette: it's the day after my dad's open heart surgery,

And I withheld that information a little while from jazz and ari

Because I didn't want to scare them,

But last night, I told them.

You were not aware of anything going on yesterday, really.

You were aware, but you had no idea.

Jazz: I understand my mom's decision

Not to tell me about my grandpa.

I think she just wanted to wait until everything was okay

And that she knew it was okay.

Now that it is, I just want to be there to support her.

I just feel like my mental state

Has been put through the ringer

In the last hours

And I'm just processing it all, and it's sort of like

I think I was in a state of shock for a little while.

Take a deep breath.

You got to understand I love you with all my heart

And I love my dad.shhhhhhh.

I am breathing.

I'm not having a problem with breathing.

Don't shush me.you're just talking about it.

You're thinking about it.

I just need you to take a moment and breathe.

I don't do the "take a moment and breathe."

Exactly. I can tell.

Why don't you just take a damn moment and breathe?

-Okay. What do you want? -Let's do it together.

Just breathe in... [ Inhales ]

...and out. [ Exhales ]

In... [ Inhales ]

...out. [ Exhales ]

♪♪

Sorry, but this [bleep] never works for me.

[ Laughing ] I'm sorry.

It just doesn't.you need to calm...

I'm not not calm.

The fact that you can't even breathe is just like...

No, I'm not...

"I'm not not calm. I'm not calm!"

[ Laughs ]no, like...

You can't even breathe for five...

Jeanette: since the beginning of everything --

Since the moment jazz was wheeled away --

This has been a horrible experience,

So it feels good to laugh,

But I will not feel better until I finally lay eyes on my father.

Jeanette: hello.okay, I'm here.

You look great.

Yeah, everybody says I look great.

I don't feel bad,

But when you've had your chest cracked open,

It hurts a little.

[ Laughs ]

My dad's chest was just cracked open.

He almost d*ed, and here he is, seeming like himself.

I just can't believe it.

Last night when I woke up in the dark, and I said,

"Why am I hurting so much?"

That was probably the closest I've ever felt to the hereafter,

And I'll never take anything for granted again.

Today is a sunny day outside and a sunny day in here.

Your father's doing really well.

I was shocked this morning when I came in.

He was sitting up, having breakfast.

How long are you gonna be in the hospital?

They're saying five to six days.

Good. So this is the week we're gonna pray for you and jazz

To both get out of the hospital.

Exactly.

Well, we're anxious to see the new jazz, only from face up.

Yeah, no, no need to see from the waist down.

Just keep her going, keep her spirits up.

She's a great trooper.yeah.

Jeanette: although I wish I could be with my parents,

My dad has my mom, and greg is there.

It seems like they're gonna be okay.

I need to be by jazz's side.

And we're with you all the way.

Nurse is looking for your dad, honey.

-Okay, go ahead. -We'll see you soon.

-Bye. -Bye.

♪♪

So are you happy dr. Ting

Said we could leave sooner than later?

He said everything looks great.

Yeah. He's really happy with your progress.

Jeanette: every day, dr. Ting examines jazz,

And he says that she is healing,

And she is gonna be released from the hospital soon.

Dr. Ting has done a great job taking care of us, and bella.

He really has gone above and beyond.

I know it's really good that jazz is being discharged,

But I have mixed feelings.

You know, she is well enough to go home,

Which is great, but home is not home.

Home means the hotel room

Where I'm not gonna have around-the-clock nurses.

Everything went wrong last time once she was discharged,

So I don't feel % confident about that.

[ Knocking ]

Come in.

-Doughnut delivery service. -Look who's here!

-Yay! -Oh, my god!

-Hi! -Yay!

Jeanette: girl, what are you doing here?

Jeanette: we have a surprise guest -- jessica.

She's the coauthor of jazz's children's book, "I am jazz."

Some way or else, I was gonna come and bring you food.

Jazz: I was so surprised to see jessica come in this morning.

I was not expecting her to be here at all,

And of course she brought in positive energy and balloons,

And she is just the best.

You look really pretty!

Don't touch me too much.

I haven't showered in, like, a week, so...

You and me both.

Actually, I'm allowed to shower today.

So I'm gonna shower soon.

Jessica: I've been just thinking about her every minute

Since she got to new york,

And when I heard that there was complications,

It just was like my heart was just being squished in a vice,

And I just couldn't wait to come and give her a hug

And tell her how proud I was of her, and I am.

I can't believe it's happening. -I know.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Jeanette: I know.

-She's named butterfly... -Appropriately.

...because when I was little kid,

I named my penis caterpillar, so now it's butterfly.

I mean, it couldn't be more appropriate.

You look really good, mom.

I have aged a few years since I've been here.

Actually, my dad had a little heart thing.

He went in for a simple procedure.

Yeah, it was supposed to be quick and easy.

Then my mother calls, and she's like,

"Your dad is in the o.r., And we might lose him,"

And he almost d*ed.

-But he didn't. -But he didn't.

-He's alive. -But I didn't know.

Like, "universe, leave us alone."

You need a vacation.

I don't even know if at that point I'd be able to relax

'Cause my brain is just, like,

sh**ting off fireworks right now.

Jessica: I see that jeanette is trying to be strong and stoic,

So as much as I want to support jazz,

I need to be there for jeanette, too,

Because she couldn't possibly have more on her plate.

I'm gonna take you out for some fresh air.

-Oh, yeah. Thank you. -You need a little sunshine.

-You'll be okay. -You can leave me.

-Ari will be here. -I'm just gonna nap anyway.

The nurses are around.

Jeanette: as much as I hate to leave jazz's side,

I need to get out of the hospital a little bit,

And I need a friend right now,

And jessica came at the perfect time.

Can I give you a hug?

Yeah. Thank you.

You're the best surprise ever!

I'm so worried about you.

I'm worried about me.

The thing is, like, I stay really optimistic

When I'm around jazz,

And, meanwhile, inside I'm like, "ughhhhh!" You know?

I see things that she doesn't see,

And I have the whole thing that happened with my dad

That she did not experience any of that.

I mean, you're kind of doing this all by yourself.

Well, greg is coming in, but he's been gone for a while.

So she went home to the hotel on saturday,

And that's where it all spiraled out of control.

The entire vag*na fell off -- face of it.

It's not like...you're kidding me.

Like, you could just see it splitting at the seams.

And you saw it?

I'm just, like, trying to put on a brave face

And be really optimistic

'Cause I know in the end it's gonna be okay.

Jessica: this is what we moms do.

We put on the brave face.

We tell the white lies.

We say what needs to be said to get our kids from "a" to "b,"

But it's really important that we have someone

Who, behind the scenes, you can just fall apart to,

And I see that jeanette is really alone right now.

There's no word to describe

What my body and head are going through

'Cause I've never experienced anything like this.

Well, you've been traumatized.

-Is that what this is? -This is trauma.

And I just want you not to hold it in

'Cause it'll eat you up.

I just -- I feel bad for jazz.

Like, she wanted this so badly.

Yeah. She still got it. Thank god, right?

It's not like they got in there and said, "we can't do this."

No, I look at her and i...

[ Crying ] I can't even. I just feel so bad for her.

She's so strong.

Oh, god.

I just can't even go there because...

You've beensostrong.

You've been superhuman strong.

She's been so positive,

And I get my strength from her and then my dad.

It's like, ugh. I want to go home.

I miss the cats. I miss my husband.

I don't have my husband here.

It sucks.

And I never like to say, "oh, this sucks."

Like, I try not to use that word.

I try not to, but it's like -- like you said,

I have to give myself permission to get angry,

And I just don't want to go there

'Cause I don't want jazz to see it.

Okay, so...she looks at my face.

She looks to me.

You have to make sure that you take care of yourself.

There's so many people that are looking out for jazz right now,

And there's no one here looking out for you, okay?

Greg will be here soon.

I mean, how has this been for him, not being here?

I don't know. I don't...

I really haven't asked him how he's doing.

I'm just plowing through, just going through,

And I'm just like, "I love you. I miss you.

I can't wait for a hug from you."

Like, I have to stay there and not go down

That other road, like, get angry, like,

"Why aren't you here?" Because it's not his fault.

Like, nothing is anybody's fault.

It just is.

Jeanette: I've been trying so hard to be strong,

But I can't bottle it up anymore.

I've been crying inside,

And it feels good to have a shoulder to cry on.

I feel better now just talking to you.

Thank you.

You gave me enough to get me through.

It's almost over.

Oh, it's almost over.

Did you realize how the situation was, like,

In terms of her medical care and what she needed?

Yeah, I don't want to get too much into it.

She was fine about it.

♪♪

Jeanette: how much room do you have in your suitcases, greg?

Greg: I do have a good amount of room.

Consolidate as much of this as possible.

Jeanette: greg arrived in new york really late last night,

And he just arrived in time for jazz's discharge to the hotel.

You did good.

I'm glad you came back because I think

Mom was getting a little overwhelmed.

Greg and I have been separated for about two weeks.

I'm so relieved I can now share the parenting with him,

And I don't have to take it all on myself.

Can you put my shoes on my feet?

Because I want to feel, like, ready to go.

When was the last time you put on a pair of shoes?

Last time I had to get up to leave to the hospital.

It was really hard to be away from jazz and jeanette

While jazz was recovering from such a major surgery.

I know they've been through a lot together,

And now that I'm here, I just want to really just give my love

And support to jazz and jeanette.

Jeanette: look at her with the sunglasses.

Is there anything we left behind?

Everybody do a clean sweep.

Jeanette: so, right now I am being really positive.

Dr. Ting says she's healing,

But we've been through so much.

How couldn't I be afraid

That something's gonna wrong again?

I feel like barely anything has gone right this entire month.

I can't believe we're finally leaving.

-I know. -We have a new hotel for you.

It's really cute. -I hope I never see you again.

No. -We appreciate everything.

Take care. Bye.

Bye!

Jazz: I am ready to get out of this hospital.

You know, I feel like I've been waiting and waiting to heal,

Having no control over my life,

And now I am one step closer to going home.

Thank you so much. -Aw, I'm glad you're...

♪♪

♪♪

-Your hands are warm. -My feet are cold.

But my hands are warm.

Want to cop a squat?

It's beautiful.

Jeanette: I'm so relieved to have greg here.

It's been great having ari to lean on,

But she's still my daughter,

And I don't want to burden her too much,

And I haven't wanted to put pressure on greg.

[ Voice breaking ] but I needed him so badly.

I needed him.

I know it's been an emotional roller coaster for you.

It's been like that for me.

I just haven't seen it as much,

But that was great that we had ari...

-[ Normal voice ] yeah, no. -...to stay with you.

That was what enabled me to get back to work,

But I always felt...

-Not here. -...i always felt distant.

I always felt bad that I wasn't able to be here.

Did you realize how the situation was?

Like, what did you envision in terms of her medical care

And what she needed and how it was gonna be?

Yeah, I don't want to get too much into it.

Greg: in our family, there's always been a philosophy

Of divide and conquer,

And in this case, for me, it was very difficult,

But i...had to come back home and go to work.

I would not have left if I had known

That jazz was gonna go into surgery for the second time.

I would've absolutely have stayed.

I just didn't know.

I know now that there's gonna be some time

For this wound to heal.

I know that she's gonna need some

Cosmetic surgery down the road.

I'm talking about, like, exactly, like,

How much she needed help.

Like, did you envision, like, every time

She went to the bathroom she'd have to have this...

I don't know. For some reason...

...tucked in and not just the way she is.

I actually thought that

That was something that the staff does.

She was fine about it.

Jeanette: I don't know why I can't explain it to greg --

The mental toll this has taken.

No one can appreciate or realize how serious

And how scary and how emotionally draining

This whole experience was.

I'm really gonna need you to, like,

Maybe go into work a little late,

Leave a little early for the first few days

'Cause, you know, I don't know

That I feel comfortable leaving the house.

I mean, I'll definitely come home from work early,

You know, when I can.

So, I'm leaving tomorrow,

And you're probably not gonna be able to leave.

Is there anything...no, I'll have ari.

Jeanette: greg is leaving on a flight before we are

Because we have no idea

When we would be allowed to leave new york.

So ari and I are gonna have to do this on our own.

I am not happy about this. I wish greg was with us.

This is going to be a very difficult flight

And process getting her home.

It's a house call from dr. Ting. Hello.

-Hello. -How are you?

Dr. Ting: so I haven't seen jazz in a couple of days.

I'll make the determination on whether it's safe

For her to go home.

Jazz: so there was a little --

I don't know if this is wound separation.

Oh, wow.

♪♪

♪♪

-Jazz? -Hmm?

You need to wake up 'cause I want you to be fully awake

When dr. Ting comes.okay.

Jazz: I've been in new york for a couple of weeks now,

And I just miss home. I miss my bed.

I miss my cats, my animals -- just everything.

[ Knocking ]

Ooh, come in.

-I'll get it. -Knock, knock.

-Oh, hey there. -Hey.

-Hi. -How are you?

-You're back. -I'm back.

-Hey. -Hi.

It's a house call from dr. Ting. Hello.

-Hello. -How are you?

Dr. Ting: so I haven't seen jazz in a couple of days.

I'll make the determination on whether it's safe

For her to go home.

Can we take a look? -Yeah.

I just want to see that she's turned a corner

And that the wounds are starting to improve

Instead of continuing to deteriorate.

Jeanette.

Uh...

Actually, maybe you can do that.

Dr. Ting: and are you showering okay?

That's been not a problem?

Jazz: yeah. I'm gonna shower again tonight.

[ Grunts ]

Oh, wow.

This is a lot of progress.

This is much cleaner.

So there was a little --

I don't know if this is wound separation

Where the original incision was.

A little bit, but nothing to worry about.

-Nothing? -These are all healed.

So you guys are probably wondering if she can go --

If you can go home.

Greg: we want to know your timeline.

Dr. Ting: based on what's happened since I last saw her,

She's healing,

And it's when you feel comfortable

Taking care of yourself.

-She already does that now. -Yeah.

You're probably pretty close to that.

I started doing the dressing by myself.

I dilate by myself.

So as far as going home, I think...

I mean, I think you can go now.

Jazz: I am just so excited. I miss home so much.

I'm very, very homesick, and I could move forward

In this healing process over the next couple of months.

How long will she need to be kind of on bed rest?

You don't really have to be on bed rest.

She's able to walk, but I would just slowly increase

The activity level every day.

And what about traveling?

They have a trip planned.

When?

Jeanette: we're going to a conference.

It's to philly. -Oh, the philly conference?

Mm-hmm, days.

I think you should skip it this year.

-Oh, no. [ Laughs ] -well, that just crushed her.

I can't skip it, and I have to take care of you.

Jeanette: jazz and I have been looking forward to going to

The philly trans wellness conference for a year.

You know, she's been going almost every year

Since she was little, and she sees her friends

That she doesn't see for a whole year at the conference,

And this year, she needs her friends more than ever.

This have been rough for her.

And the fact that dr. Ting shuts it down is discouraging.

She's not doing the conference.

I'm doing the conference. She was gonna just --

I have a suite like this that's even bigger,

And she was just gonna sit with her friends.

I mean, I don't want to push her.

I think the answer is probably no,

But let's decide once we get closer.

You need to think of a plan "b," in other words.

Right now I don't have one, but... [ Laughs ]

You know, the doctors -- they don't know

What's gonna happen with her,

And, you know, if she's on track and doing well,

Let's go.

The doctor is pretty direct with his response,

And I kind of feel like it's a good idea

To listen to the doctor's orders.

You know, I really feel that it's a decision

That needs to be made as we're closer to the conference.

-And, jazz, you did great. -Thanks.

Dr. Ting: this was a pretty big setback,

And you're just super-resilient.

Okay. And I got to get to my office.

They're already threatening to quit.

-Thank you. -Thanks, dr. Ting.

Okay. You were great, really.

-Oh, no. -He's a good guy.

You guys are amazing.

I'm gonna adopt you both as parents, okay?

Anytime, sure. Bye.

Bye. We'll see you later.

Jazz has been an incredible patient.

She endured a tough complication

And a lot more pain than she bargained for,

And she did it all with just a smile on her face,

So part of being a surgeon is...

We're not perfect,

And sometimes you can do what you think is a great surgery

And have a bad outcome,

So it's humbling.

Ugh. I am so happy right now.

Dr. Ting said I'm healing quickly.

I'm glad you guys are gonna be able to come home.

How excited we are!

Jeanette: this month has been the hardest month of my life,

But jazz has her vag*na,

And it might not cosmetically be where it needs to be,

But she's happy 'cause she's whole.

You see that, mom? Book a flight.

Jazz: I'm so happy.

We are finally leaving new york.

At this point, I feel like the worst is behind me.

Next time on "I am jazz"...

I kind of have some big news.

Your girl got a boyfriend.

We're all kind of, like, shocked.

He might be coming down to florida.

-He's not sleeping here. -No.

Some nights, would you ever let him sleep at the house?

No.

-Healing is coming along... -Yep.

...but it doesn't look like what I wanted to see.

It's gonna require another skin graft.

Are you gonna come?

Oh, it sounds like you and jazz need to go back.

Jeanette: I think it's really important for greg and I

To discuss what went down this summer.

I don't want to do this again without you.

He's here.

[ Squealing ] he's here!

Ahhhhhhh!

You guys, just be nice.

He's probably more nervous than you are.