06x03 - Born This Way

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "I am jazz"...

So, have you made a decision about school yet?

I don't know. I kind of feel like I'm torn.

I'm kind of leaning towards pomona right now.

I'm not gonna lie.

She also got into harvard.

That is amazing.

And at harvard, you can do anything

You freakin' want to do.

With the way jazz is, just being like, "whatever,"

Or "I don't know," or, "let me go with my gut,"

Or, "let's see what the lights say,"

It's gonna be very stressful

Till she finally makes a decision.

My mom's insurance does not cover the surgery at all.

It's an expensive surgery.

Like, insurance needs to cover it.

Jazz: it's just crazy that it's ,

And we're still having these conversations

About insurance companies not covering life-saving operations.

Mom, come up here!

Something's wrong.

You see that?jeanette: oh, my goodness.

I think the urethra -- you know,

That should be a little bit smaller.

I do think that another round of surgery should do.

I'm just feeling defeated right now.

--Captions by vitac-- www.vitac.com

Captions paid for by discovery communications

♪♪

Greg: hey, jazz? Jazz: yeah?

You got a nice, big envelope from harvard.

Even though I was already accepted to harvard

Via e-mail, it is pretty surreal.

Oh, my god.

Opening the packet, I could just feel my parents' excitement.

"Welcome to the class of ."

Nice.

But it's also pretty stressful because my parents

Are very headstrong about me going to harvard.

"Congratulations. I am delighted to inform you

That the committee on admissions

Has admitted you to the class of ."

Here it is.

Every time I think about the fact

That jazz got into harvard, I'm just so proud.

She got into harvard.mm-hmm.

I mean, how many parents can say that?

I have to admit, I'm a little cautious

About who I talk to about it

Because I've had to explain that she's still deciding

Between a couple of schools.

I feel like I have to answer a whole lot more questions

Than what I want to have to do.

-Oh, it's beautiful. -Itisbeautiful.

It's so frickin' beautiful. [ Sniffles ]

Jazz: this is really hard.

Yeah, it just -- I mean, it just...

I have to figure out because I feel like my heart

Wants me to go to pomona and go out west,

And then my mind is telling me, "no, I need to go to harvard."

If you decide something's the better fit for you,

Then think it through because it'll be unbelievable for you.

What jazz is really contemplating is,

What is the best path for herself?

Harvard is just a different path,

And I think she thinks of it as a very big path,

And I think she has to come to grips

With whether or not she wants to be that.

I do think we feel pretty strongly

That harvard is the right decision to the extent

That a storm could be brewing.

This is huge. It's...

[ Voice breaking ] this is really unbelievable.

[ Sniffles ]

It's such a huge decision.

It really dictates the direction that I'll go in

For the rest of my life,

And I just need to figure out what I want for myself,

And that's how I'm gonna make this decision.

I love you.

♪♪

♪♪

Noelle: hey. Jazz: hey.

Oh, my god, this is amazing.right?

I haven't been here in a while, so it's like, "whoa!"

Even though there is still the possibility

That I might need a fourth surgery

To fix the pee stream or any other complication,

I just hope that I've seen the worst already

And that it's only up from here.

So now I feel like I am in a really good place

To help my friends who are going through their own transitions.

Jojo was telling me that the last time

She was here, she was still a little boy.

Oh, yeah. I was a little boy when I was here.

It was kind of funny.oh, and now you've transformed.

This butterfly's mine, guys.which one?

The one making eye contact with me.

Those butterflies are trying to make more butterflies,

And it's making me uncomfortable.

Aww, it let me pet it!

[ Laughs ] it let you pet it.

[ Laughs ]

So, how is everything with the insurance and the surgery?

I'm not allowed to challenge the claim,

So now I have to somehow get $,

Just, like, out of pocket.

I created an online fundraising campaign.

And how is that going so far?

It could be doing better.

It was doing very well in the beginning,

And then it plateaued super-quick,

And it's hard to motivate people to, actually,

Like, pay for something that doesn't affect them.

Well, I have a lot of followers, and if I tell them

That insurance didn't cover your surgery

And that you need financial assistance,

Then I'm sure a lot of people would be willing to donate

'Cause $, is a ton of money, you know?

I would appreciate that.

Noelle: I am so grateful that jazz

Wants to do everything in her power to help me raise money

Because if I fall short of the funds to get the surgery,

And I just can never get it,

It'll hurt a lot for a long time.

As far as, like, surgery goes,

How do you think that'll channel with your dysphoria after?

I definitely think it'll get better.

I know there are some trans women where it's like,

They look down, and then they're like,

"This is a denial of what I believe I am."

Yes. I'm not like that.

I just look down, and I'm like, "ew."

Yeah. Like...

Taking the hormones has kind of, like,

Not worked in the way that I would have liked it to.

Yeah.like, my chest just isn't

Where it's supposed to be aligned with me.

My dysphoria has been pretty bad.

It's gotten the point where I don't want to go to work.

I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to do anything.

I just want to stay in bed and wait

Until I blossom into a female.

I know you how feel because at age ,

I started wearing bras, and I would stuff them,

And then I started estrogen,

And I got really lucky that my boobs grew,

But at first, they didn't grow.

The bright side is, I got cleared for surgery

To have breast augmentation.

Mm-mm.

Unfortunately, my grandma is trying to hold me back.

There's, like, a part of her that wishes

I was still her grandson.

When I called her out -- 'cause I was like,

"You wish that this was a phase," and she was like,

"You know what? I do wish this was a phase."

It was hurtful.

Well, don't let her get in your way, you know?

You got to do what's best for you,

And if you feel like taking these steps

Is what will allow you to feel more confident in your identity,

Then go for it, you know?

And I would love to talk to your grandma, honestly.

Jazz: I never want to overstep in any way,

But I want to talk to jojo's grandma

And see if I could open up her perspective

And help her realize that, yes,

This is a big operation, and it's scary,

But this is what she needs in order to live life.

Jojo: that really does mean a lot to me because growing up,

I really only had my mom and my grandma,

And I just want my grandma to accept me for who I am.

I have hope that she'll come around, and she'll understand.

I love her so much, and I don't want to lose her.

Yeah.you know what I'm saying?

♪♪

[ Doorbell rings ]

Jack: hello. Jeanette: hi.

I see you're holding stuff in your hand.

What's that all about?

This is the packet we got from harvard.

Oh.

I thought you would be delighted to see

All the little goodies stored inside here.

"Welcome to the class of ."

Jeanette: when it comes to harvard versus pomona,

My parents are gonna appreciate this package

Just as much as I do.

The more people I have on my side, the better.

So, we know you're voting for harvard, and we understand why.

That's a no-brainer. Harvard is harvard.

There's only one harvard.

How did jazz feel about all of this?

You know, I showed her. She's like,

"That's really cool. Yay."

Jacky: it sounds like she really is trying to sort through

Where maybe her heart is taking her, not her mind.

It's her gut feeling.

Yeah. And right.

Yeah, she's putting up defenses.she's like, "my mind says,

'Harvard,' but my heart says, 'pomona.'"

But you're announcing that this is where you want her to go?

I'm not hiding it.

Jack: you know, when we went away to college,

We had our challenges, but jazz has more than one challenge.

It's the whole transgender issue.

She's going into a new social milieu.

How is she gonna fit into this?

She hasn't had to deal with this.

So it's more than just going away and taking courses.

She has to make adjustments as a transgender adult now.

She's the one that has to face the consequences of her choice.

My logical brain...yes.

...is telling me, "how do you say no to"...

Yeah, harvard.

..."This opportunity?"Yeah, yeah, yes.

This is valuable in so many ways,

And I feel like when a school like that says,

"You know what? You worked hard.

"We want you."We want you,"

And you say, "no"...

Yeah.

[ Voice breaking ] and, you know, it's just never easy.

Jeanette, does jazz's independence

In any way frighten you?

Yeah, because she makes poor decisions.

Jeanette: I have such strong opinions on this one

Where I've always let jazz run her course,

But she doesn't know everything.

She's .

I'm the parent, and she needs to respect what we have to say.

There are other issues that are coming up.

Aren't you have a birthday coming up soon?

Do we have to think about that?

Uh-huh. Jacky: yes.

Yeah, you're getting older, but you're holding on pretty well.

You look good. I can't believe it.

I'm glad you think I look good, but to myself, I don't.

Jeanette: I've always wanted to get a little bit

Of a touch-up after .

That's when jacky started hers.

[ Muttering ]

But...

[ Laughs ]

Our family has a history

Of wrinkly necks on the woman's side.

It's just really aging me a lot.

And one of the other things is the frown.

I just look in the mirror, and I see somebody

That I don't recognize a lot of the time.

So, visually, you're unhappy with yourself.

Yeah, I just -- when you cringe

At the way you look, it's not good.

Last year was probably the roughest year of my life

Between jazz having multiple surgeries

And right in the middle of my dad almost dying.

I feel like I aged, like, years.

I just feel beaten up maybe because I cried so much.

Jeanette, I want to let you know -- your father's had

A lot of experience dealing with this issue.

Mm-hmm. As per your mom.

Yes. Right.if you're willing, I would love

To go with you at a consultation.

You're sending me in with her...

Oh, no, no....to a plastic surgeon?

She might want two for the price of one.

[ Laughs ]

I have the body of a male.okay.

And I did try to take my life a couple times because of it.

You go through these hormones at this age.

All right? You don't like your body.

I'm getting a little frustrated because, you know,

She's not listening to anyone around her.

♪♪

♪♪

Ari: what's up?

You look like a genie with those pants

And your pretty necklace and your...

I'm just comfortable....vest thing.

What's going on?

I'm actually helping noelle share a fundraiser

That she's doing to raise money

For her gender confirmation surgery.

That's really kind of you. You're such a good friend.

Of course I'm gonna help her, you know?

I have confidence that we'll make the money.

So, how are you feeling about college?

It's kind of annoying because people have been

Saying things on social media like,

"Oh, jazz only got into harvard because she's transgender."

And I don't care what other people think.

I know that I got in of my own merit.

People are always gonna think like that

And want to put others down, and that's just how it is,

And you've got to let it not put you down

Because then they're accomplishing

What they wanted to in the first place.

Exactly. But I still don't know where I'm gonna go.

So, what exactly drew you to apply to pomona

And want to go there?i don't know.

I just got a good feeling from it.

When I found it online, I had this crazy feeling

In my stomach, in my gut.

I don't think this is just a gut decision, though,

Because if you just make it off your gut,

You could make a decision that just, ultimately, you regret.

It's wise that she wants to make her own choice,

But I think she needs to make a wise choice.

I don't want you to make your decision

Because you want to be different, be against...

It's not like that.

...what the norm is, 'cause I know

You do have that inclination a lot of the time.

I know you think it is a lot of, like, that rebel thing,

Like wanting to go against the grain, but...

I meant, like, in the sense,

Like, it's just a name, you know?

It's just...

Mm, it's not. It's harvard.

It's a school that is an ivy league.

What?

Nothing. I just have...

♪♪

[ Sighs ]

Are you about to pass out?

Uh...

I've got really bad anxiety.

Why?

It just, like, came on.

Jazz: I do feel like this college decision

Has the potential to create some friction

Between me and my parents

And some of my other family members,

But I also know that I have to stay true to what I want.

What triggered you there?

I just felt like you were misunderstanding me.

What am I misunderstanding, you think?

Well, I don't want you to think

I'm just trying to be a rebel or...

I don't. I was just saying

Don't let that weirdness bring you to a conclusion.

But it's not like that at all.

That's not what this is about.okay.

I'm just...that's all you have to say.

I'm just trusting my own instincts and intuition on this

And following the path that I think is best for me.

I just wish...i didn't mean

...to make you...

No, I just get really frustrated.

I'm really bad at communicating, I realize.

Like, my whole life, like,

I'm unable to say what's on my mind.

Like, i, like, have trouble

Conveying what I'm really thinking.

Since my surgery, I do feel like

I have undergone a sort of awakening,

And in that awakening, it's been more challenging for me

To find the words to express what I feel like

I'm empowered to say,

And then they just get stuck within me,

And I get anxious from that.

Hey. What's going on?hello.

Tea party without me?yep.

Yeah. Except no tea.

What's doing?we're talking about college.

Ohh.

My favorite topic.

Well, I'm glad you're talking to ari about it

'Cause it's better that way than talking to me about it.

Jazz: I definitely feel like I am on the cusp of needing

To have a conversation with my parents

About pomona, versus harvard,

And I'm a little bit worried about that

Because we are not on the same page.

Anyway, what else is doing?

We don't need to talk about that.

So, I was hanging out with jojo and noelle

At butterfly world,

And jojo was talking about

How she wants to get breast augmentation,

But her grandma is not supportive at all.

Apparently, she told jojo that she thinks it's just a phase.

The "p" word.

It's just stressing jojo and jojo's mom

A lot right now and...

That's the last thing jojo needs right now.

She needs her grandma on board.

Mm-hmm. If jojo's grandma is open to talking to us,

Then jojo will let me know,

And we'll both go together, okay?

Okay.

Jeanette: I feel really bad for jojo's mom.

It's really difficult when somebody you're close with

Isn't on the same page.

And a lot of times, you're not gonna win them over,

But you have to take a chance.

This is tough.

♪♪

♪♪

Jeanette jennings.

Perfect. Here for dr. Albert.

I will get you all checked in.

If you want to take a seat, we'll be with you in a moment.

-Okay, great. Thank you. -You're welcome.

Jacky: I'm excited for you.

Jack: I feel the same way.

Yeah, I'm very excited for you.

And whatever makes you feel better.

Well, I have to decide -- is this something I want to do?

I don't know that I'm completely ready.

I want to get excited about it.

Go for it. We want some excitement.

You're gonna learn a lot today anyways.

Yeah.

Jeanette: I'm really looking forward to the consult.

I've always wanted to see, you know,

Kind of those computer-generated pictures

Of the before and after, and, you know,

I just want to see if they can make me look fresher

Without making me look different.

Hello. Hi, jeanette.

Hi. My name is laina.

Welcome to the optimization center.

Thank you for having us.come on back.

Okay.

We're gonna go meet dr. Albert.

As a mother, it hurts my heart to know

That my daughter has never felt good about herself.

She'll always be beautiful to me.

It's how she sees herself for her future.

So, we're here to talk about...my...

...face...you and your face

And whatever else might come up.

Mm-hmm, and I don't like to talk about myself, too.

This is hard. Yeah.why not?

'Cause I'm just not happy with what I see as I've gotten older.

And I see myself through the media.

I see myself the way other people don't.

So, when you look in the mirror...

Mirror, mirror on the wall....what bothers you the most?

And be as detailed as possible

Because I will tell you what I recommend.

But, ultimately, if it's not important to you...

Yeah....it's not important.

Okay, yeah.

The neck. It's kind of crepey, and it's just not good.

And, you know, my face is just going down.

My daughter makes fun of me.

She's like, "you have permanent frown face."

Like, resting frown face.right.

And that's not that uncommon.

So, working from the top down...

Jeanette: so, dr. Albert basically dissects my whole face

And talks about different sections,

And honestly, I'm not interested in any of this.

Endoscopic mid-face lift.mm-hmm.

Which will address the corner of your mouth.

But when he starts talking about this...

And then also go in and tighten the neck muscles.

...i'm in.

That's...okay, so, there's a morphing.

-Fantastic. -That's -- yeah, I'm happy.

So, see what happens?

Just look at the corner of the mouth.

He's lifting up the mouth.

Jeanette: see? Now I'm happy.

I'm smiling. -Look at that.

Just taking it all in.

Jacky: ooh.

That picture is clearly me -- the before.

That's the person I see in the mirror.

Then the after is, like, a refreshed version of me.

That looks like me?

Jack: you look well-rested.

We've seen a lot of people who you can see

Across the dining room in our place

That they've had the work done.

I will tell them, "no, we're not looking natural anymore,

And this is not really your body."

Yeah, we see a lot of that here.

That can happen.yeah.

They call them the boca babes.

Yeah, this is cool. I really --

What I see on the right is what I want.

Yeah. Yeah.

Jeanette: I'm more excited now than I was when I arrived.

Now I'm like, "he can do what I want.

This guy can fix me."

I just don't look sad anymore.

And that is the goal.

♪♪

Jacky: so, how did you think it went, jeanette?

I really liked the doctor, first off.

He was great.

Ditto. And he looked great.

I was almost like, "well, who'syourplastic surgeon?"

He wouldn't answer that. I did ask.

When he's finished with you, if your face looked half

As good as his office, you've got it made.

Yeah, right?

If I were to do this, I'd have him do my neck.

I'd have him put a smile back on my face,

And in doing that, the jowls come up.

Okay.

I think one of the biggest hurdles with this

Is getting greg on board.yeah.

Jeanette: at this point in time,

I'm not really sure what greg's true opinion is.

Greg has a major say in this.

Yeah.and his pocketbook, too.

I've just kind of, like, grazed the topic of it.

Is this a birthday gift for you, jeanette, to you from greg?

Pretty expensive birthday gift.

Well, maybe when he sees the photos,

He'll see what I've been talking about.

Maybe.yeah, you've got to work him

Through it, jeanette.

I have no idea how he's gonna react when he hears

That I actually went for a consult

With a plastic surgeon.

You may never have another chance to go to harvard.

I always felt if you got into an ivy league,

You go to the ivy league.

Jazz: I don't care what people think.

I'm gonna do what's best for me.

Jazz: this is stillmydecision,

Even if it does disappoint them.

♪♪

♪♪

Woman: here you go.greg: thank you.

Oh, do you have glasses? Yep.

I have brought something for...jeanette: what's in the bag?

...your birthday. A little special treat.

Diamonds? Mm.

Aww. Our wine. Yeah.

Greg: it's jeanette's birthday,

And it's a nice opportunity

To do something a little different,

So in the romantic spirit,

We're gonna have some wine and do a little pottery.

What is this called that we're doing?

Pottery.okay.

This is your wheel,

So I want you to watch the way I'm sitting and I'm anchored.

When you feel it getting dry, we need water.

We need to stay lubricated.

Pbht. [ Laughs ]

I know that feeling.

Basically, this is called coning up,

And what you do is, you're making a penis,

And then you're just bringing it right back down.

Somebody tipped her off.

That's all I got to say.

I feel like a little kid.

Okay, so, start your wheels.

Put your hands around the clay.

Whee! Yeah.

Whoa!

Pbht! [ Laughs ]

I circumcised it.

Oh, god.

[ Laughs ]

Faster than the rabbi at the twins' bris.

[ Both laugh ]

You just went there.

And now it's a nipple.

[ Laughter ]

You're making boobies?

[ Laughs ]

I'm having fun, though.

That's the important thing.

Whoa!

Jeanette is clearly unable to mold her clay as necessary.

Let's see if we can help.use your power.

Okay.

Oop. [ Laughs ]

Now are you putting your hands on mine?

Greg: I've got you.

This is so romantic. [ Laughs ]

So I figure I'll kind of pull a "ghost" moment with her.

And you know what?

They made it look a lot easier.

You mounted me.

[ Laughs ]

Hold it. Put your pedal...

Put it on quick.

We were like two elephants in the zoo.

Let's have some wine

So I can tell you about my plastic-surgery consult.

Your plastic-surgery consult?

You better drink some wine for that.

I'm gonna show you a picture.

I'm gonna hold it up in front of my face.

And you tell me if that picture is me right now

Or me altered, okay?

And there's no wrong answer.

All right.

Jeanette: greg and I have been together a super-long time,

And his support means a lot,

So I want greg to be accepting and on board,

But if greg is strongly against plastic surgery,

I think for now, I'd back off, but, like,

I'd still feel down about myself.

Okay, is that me after d or before d?

All right. What do you think?

Okay, honestly, I don't see that much difference.

Who's that?

Which one's me -- this one or this one?

Which one?

I don't see a marked difference.

I'm not picking up on the imagery

That I'm supposed to be,

Which might not be the first time in my life.

That's for sure.

I don't even know what you're trying to do

With plastic surgery.

You know how I'm so insecure?

I've never felt like I loved myself ever.

Why would you feel that way?i just never have.

Jazz said, "mom, you've never felt that you were beautiful."

I'm like, "no, I never have."

Greg: that's really hard for me to digest

Because it's something that I've never heard.

I never felt like she didn't think she was beautiful.

I never really thought about it

Because I've always thought she's beautiful.

I've just noticed as I'm getting older, I look sad.

Jazz says I have resting sad face.

Look.

I never noticed that.

What is it you're talking about?

Just look. It's...

I don't really notice that.

There's no doubt that I'm refreshed and happier.

Okay, I see a difference in these two pictures,

But it's not a good time right now

Because there's so much going on.

And if you were recovering,

What if jazz is off at college, and she needs you?

You just -- it's just bad timing.

That's why she has to go to college in boston.

I don't know if he's practical.

He just looks damn good. That's why.

He doesn't know what it feels like.

I'm still gonna stand by my statement

That I don't think you need it

'Cause I think you're beautiful as...

Thank you. ...you are,

But you could do it for you.

It's your birthday.

Thank you. Thanks.

But this has to be timed properly

If that's what you want to do.

Well... You're still...

...let's table it for now....set on it.

I'll keep this somewhere.okay.

And every now and then, I'll pull it out and be like, "oh!"

Honestly, I don't like waiting, but I get it.

Just, in the bank of my mind,

I'm like, "you know, I still feel like I'm

'Cause I am," and I'm not his young bride anymore.

Yours came out good.bye-bye.

You still got something to work with there.

Yeah. Like my face.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

♪♪

Jeanette: hello.hi.

Hey. How are you?

Nice to see you, too.so good to see you.

I love your shirt.thanks.

It's so pretty.

I really feel that it's important to meet with heather

Because when you have a child with gender dysphoria,

It's heartbreaking.

Too many children are lost to gender dysphoria

Because they hate themselves so much.

So, how are you? What's going on with jojo?

I've heard little bits and pieces from jazz,

What's going on with your mom.

Yeah, it's challenging,

And the doctor gave jojo the okay for surgery.

Oh.

So we're going forward on the top surgery

Just to give her that sense of wholeness.

Yeah.

My mom's not a fan of the idea.

And that conversation brought up,

I feel, something that I feel like she buried,

And I feel like it's her feeling like it was a phase.

This phase started at . It's not a phase.

At , jojo was like... Uh-huh.

..."Mommy, can I go back to god and change suits?"

Heather: jojo's transition has been challenging.

And it's been definitely scary.

And for my mom,

I think she struggles with understanding

Jojo's journey.

How is, you know, her dysphoria manifesting itself right now?

Um, depression. Mm-hmm.

There's mornings to where she'll spend at least an hour

Trying to create boobs every single day.

Oh, no.

But you could see, like, red from her pinching to create.

And then if they don't come out the way that she wants them

Or needs them to feel and look, the day is sh*t.

Yeah.

There has been suicidal thoughts, an attempt or two.

Mm-hmm. And that's terrifying.

And it's taken way too much out of her.

I need my mom to understand

That, number one, it's not a phase.

Number two, your feelings are valid,

But, three, my daughter's wholeness is a little bit --

I care about that a little bit more...

Mm-hmm....than trying to validate

Somebody else's feelings.

Yeah.

My daughter is my heartbeat,

And as a mom, I want to take the pain away.

I want her to feel better.

I want her to have peace and just be able

To live her life comfortably.

And I want my mom

To put her opinion down for a second and just hear.

I give you a lot of credit because, you know,

Being a single mom and having a trans kid alone,

And now your mom is not quite on board...

And you're holding it together well.

You should give yourself a pat on the back

Because you're doing fantastic.

And if your mom wants to talk to jazz and i,

I'd love to be a part of that.

I love that idea.

I'm honestly terrified as to how she's going to receive it

Because she is the alpha,

And she is the boss, if you will.

Yeah.so...

Jeanette: I hope heather's mom hears jazz and I out...

I think she probably just has a lot of questions.

...because we just know too many sad stories.

And what's the worst thing that can happen here?

Jojo changes her mind.

Okay, we'll take them out.

I'd rather her have breast implants she doesn't like

And remove them than not be with us.

She's the matriarch.

Yeah.

And she might not take this well.

She might not like us in there

Telling her, "this is the way it is."

Right.

Heather: I think my mom means well,

But I feel like there is still some ignorance there,

And sometimes, she says certain things that hurt,

So if there's a chance in changing my mom's mind,

I feel like we have to try.

♪♪

Jazz: with the college-decision deadline fast approaching,

I do feel like my parents are pressuring me towards harvard.

And, you know, I'm gonna try not to let it influence

My decision, but it's just a lot to take in.

So I just feel like I need to talk to them

And be completely honest about my feelings.

Hello!

Hello.what are you two doing?

"How to do everything right."

We were also talking about the distance

Traveling from this house to pomona or harvard.

[ Breathes deeply ]

What's with the breathing?

I just like breathing.

I don't think there's a breathing section,

But I'm gonna double-check.

Are we making you nervous?

You could say that.

Would you guys be disappointed

If I did end up going to pomona over harvard?

I'm not gonna lie. I would be sad.

You may never have another chance to go to harvard.

You know what I'm saying?

What she does now will affect her for the rest of her life.

It is our job to make sure jazz has no regrets.

How important is our thoughts and opinions in terms of...

It's very valuable.

I mean, you guys raised me.

I mean, I want to respect you guys as parents,

And I don't want to disappoint you.

I always felt if you got into an ivy league,

You go to the ivy league.

But do you guys trust that whatever path I take in life,

That I will be successful?

This isn't about success to me.

Then it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter if we lose the ivy league title,

If I don't go to harvard.it's not about that.

If you go your direction,

It's contrary to what we think is right.

Greg: I want jazz to understand this is a serious decision.

Both schools are costing the same,

And we feel that harvard, being that it's harvard,

You're just getting more value

Out of that same amount of money.

I think what we need to do is visit harvard.

We have to visit.

When are we gonna visit, though?

I have to make my decision pretty soon.

Well, we're gonna new york to visit with dr. Ting.

Okay, so we'll visit then.

Jazz: it's kind of annoying that my parents

Are really stuck on the idea of me going to harvard,

But I'm not closing the door

Because I need to give it a fair chance,

And I will.

But at the end of the day,

This is stillmydecision,

Even if it does disappoint them.

♪♪

♪♪

Jeanette: mom and jazz told me they want to get together,

But they didn't tell me anything else,

So I have no idea what to expect.

Are you ready to surprise mom for her birthday?

I'm very ready to surprise mom.

She's feeling down, not particularly pretty.

Hello.

Hi.

What are you two up to?

We just want to make you feel beautiful

Because you told me that you've never felt

Beautiful your whole life.

So today is all about you.

Well, thank you.this is your special day.

I support my mom having plastic surgery in the future.

I know that she's always been upset,

Really, about her appearance and the way she looks,

And my grandma and I just want to do something nice for her

To help lift her spirits and make her feel beautiful.

Oh, I smell that.

Oh, my god, it's like I'm at the beach.

It smells delicious.

Jeanette: this is awesome.

I just love hair and makeup and makeovers and all that stuff,

So I'm really excited.

Mm-hmm. I'm just gonna wrap your hair in a towel.

And then you're gonna get makeup.

All right? I guess so.

I am very, very lucky and grateful

To have an amazing mom

And a fantastic daughter to do this for me.

Have a seat. Okay.

So, what colors are we doing?

I tend to go...what are you going for?

I want to look like red carpet, bam.

Red-carpet glam.

I want my husband to be like, "whoa!"

You got it. Let's get started.

Okay.

I love makeup, and I like playing with it,

But I really am not great at applying makeup.

There's times that I look like the oscar,

And there are times that I like look a unicorn threw up on me.

We're outlining your features.

The drag queens do it.

I know it looks really good.

When she looks in the mirror after her day,

Her special day here, be interesting to see

If she feels differently about herself.

I just think her whole life, she's had

This deep-rooted insecurity

About the way she looks. I think she...

The day that mama was ahead born,

And she was a newborn in my arms,

I looked down, and I literally said to her,

"If nothing more, just be pretty."

What?! Yeah.

My value system at that point was just be pretty.

Jacky: I feel the responsibility that I put

Jeanette on the wrong road,

But I didn't know it had trailed her right up to the present day.

I was very surprised to learn that was still there,

And somewhat saddened.

I just want her to look in the mirror and say,

"Wow, I look incredible. I feel amazing."

♪ Da, da-da, da ♪

Oh, look at you! Ohh!

Look at you!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my goodness.

You guys waited all this time for me.

Oh, beautiful, subtle, gorgeous.

How do you feel? I love it.

I feel like... Oh, I love it.

...i used to wear my hair like this. Look at the back.

Oh.oh, my gosh.

Isn't that cool?

I love the new look because I can tell she loves it.

Thank you again. I'm so excited.

Well, glamour, glamour, but subtle.

I love the subtleness of it, jeanette.

Your eyes are popping.

I want to keep it on forever.

Glowing. That's all that matters,

Is that I want her to be happy and okay.

Do you feel beautiful?

I feel beautiful.

Youarebeautiful. You need to know it.

The most beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

♪♪

♪♪

Hi!

[ Both laugh ]

Date night.

Greg: when jeanette walks in the restaurant,

I'm thinking, "yowza!"

Hubba-hubba?

I want to skip dinner.

That's a nice dress.like the dress?

Yeah. Your hair, the makeup.

[ As billy crystal ] you look marvelous today.

My mother and jazz, they surprised me.

They said, "meet us at the spa," and I thought, like,

"Maybe we're getting massages or something for jazz,"

But it was for me.[ Normal voice ] that's nice.

Yeah. I feel better than I've felt in a really long time.

I remember when we were doing pottery,

You were talking about how you've never felt beautiful,

And I never really quite understood

Why you felt that way.

I'm just really self-conscious.you've always been beautiful.

You can say things a million times,

But I have to believe it myself.

And today, I looked at myself, and I'm like, "I like nice."

I think it is easy to take things for granted,

Telling your significant other how important they are to you,

How much you love them.

Jeanette, here's to you and your beautiful makeover.

Aside from the fact that beauty is from within,

You are beautiful both inside and out,

And not everybody could say that, and I love you.

Aww. I love you, too.

Here. Kissy-kissy.

Mm. Mwah.

I think what I've learned is that I don't do it enough.

Maybe because of that, it has made jeanette

Feel a little less than,

As beautiful as she really is to me.

And now that I know she feels this way,

I will verbalize it more often.

Mmm.

I met with heather, as you know,

And jojo's grandmother, nora,

Has agreed to meet with jazz and I and heather and jojo.

Are you guys gonna kind of stand by

And just be supportive and see how it goes,

Or do you actually have something in mind

That you want to say?if she asks my opinion,

I'm gonna give her my opinion.

What if she doesn't ask your opinion?

Look, if you're gonna put yourself into this situation

And interject your opinions and thoughts about things,

Then you have to be able to respond

To whatever questions come at you.

Okay. So...hopefully, they're not...

What's the worst thing she could say to me?

"You're not family, and your opinion doesn't really matter."

Jeanette: I might be overstepping boundaries,

But heather and jojo have invited jazz and i.

And you know what?

I'm putting myself out there, and anything could happen.

I'm gonna do the best I can do.

You know, I've helped a lot of families,

And I hope to help them, as well.

♪♪

♪♪

How do you feel about this?

I feel like you're so good at speaking about this issue,

And you're the one that's transgender.

And I'll just back it up from a mother's point of view.

Yeah.

Mom and I are on our way to talk to jojo's grandmother.

And as we're getting closer to jojo's house,

I want to be as zen as possible before this

'Cause I want to make sure that the message

That I'm trying to say comes out and is delivered the right way.

It's gonna be awkward.

I'm just worried because, lately,

I've been having a difficult time expressing myself

In the way that I intend to.

And when it comes to talking to jojo's grandma,

I need to articulate myself as best I can.

I'm hoping for the best.

I hope that we come out of this situation

Changing someone's views on this

And that we can help mend their relationship.

♪♪

There is kind of this feeling of uneasiness and anticipation.

Thank you so much for coming.

I really appreciate it.jazz: of course.

So, how are you two feeling about this?

-I'm kind of nervous. -I'm excited.

I'm a little nervous, but I'm more excited than anything

To just get this behind us.

Get that out there in the open and just throw it out there.

Yeah.[ Knock on door ]

Oh. Oh, she's here.

[ Breathes deeply ]

I think this evening is going to go well.

Maybe not.

-Hello. Hi. -Hi.

My mom is very strong, opinionated woman,

And I feel sometimes like she thinks

I should raise jojo the way she raised me,

But I feel like my kid would die if I did that.

We were just chatting about how we all feel and...

And so how do you feel?

I just want to, like, let you know that sometimes

I feel like you don't listen to where I'm coming from.

You know, this is how I've felt for so, so long

Before I could even grasp "boy" and "girl."

-I just knew that... -At .

...i wasn't in the right body.

This is, like, you know -- this isn't a phase.

I'm not aligning physically and mentally,

And it's causing me dysphoria.

I know that's not exactly how you see it,

And I want to hear from you how you do see it...

How I do see it...

...and what you think about it all,

Because I know there is some tension and conflict.

I don't want to come into this situation saying,

"Oh, I know best. I want to exert my opinion upon you."

No, I want to hear what she has to say and respect it,

But I do think that she should support jojo on this journey.

I really just -- I want her to listen.

I think the tension, the conflict

Comes from me being older, okay,

Having raised, you know, kids, too,

And hit that teenage years.

Nobody likes their body. -Mm-hmm.

Okay, no matter what age, you don't like your body.

At ,

Especially at that age,

I don't think surgery is just the right answer like that.

You know, wait till you're .

Jeanette: nora still has reservations,

Which I understand,

But nobody knows what it's like to have gender dysphoria

Until you're that person.

It's just, it's kind of hard

To wait when you have this trapped feeling

And this feeling of not...and, you know,

She has been saying this since age .

But, you know, you have to learn how to accept yourself,

And this is all that I just was trying to explain to jojo.

Have you ever thought about, you know,

Accepting the idea that, you know, it is her decision,

It is her choice,

And that's how she wants to go about living?

Yes, but, you know, at , if heather came to me and says,

"Mom, I want breast augmentation,"

I would have said no.

I'm feeling very uncomfortable because I'm not being heard.

I'm different.

I have the body of a male.

Okay.

And I did try to take my life a couple times because of it.

It's not easy to pull her out when she hits that low.

We need to do this, like, asap.

But, you know, again, what i...

Maybe you may not be the "normal" female.

You go through these hormones at this age.

All right? You don't like your body.

It doesn't matter if you're, you know, born a female.

It does, though. It's a huge difference, mom.

It really is.

Jazz: I'm getting a little frustrated

Because nora is not listening to jojo.

I feel like she's pretty stuck on her opinions,

And she's already conjuring her next response

And thinking about what she wants to say

As a counterargument to that,

And, you know, she's not listening to anyone around her.

Its just...

It makes me so frustrated and so angry

Because I just -- I wish you would understand

That this isn't something that I justwant.

This is something that ineed.

♪♪

[ Voice breaking ] there's a lot I want to say.

♪♪

I got to go for a sec.

[ Sniffles ]

♪♪

Next time on "I am jazz"...

You know, you look at someone, and you immediately say,

"That's a man. That's a woman,"

When we're so much more than that.

If we could really understand and look at each other

For who we are on the inside, that's where the truth lies.

I'm thinking about dr. Ting right now, though.

My head is there.

I'm hoping he says everything looks great

And that I don't need another surgery.

There are a couple of concerns.

Dr. Ting: okay, let's have a look.

Sorry. There's one more.

[ Gasps ]sorry, sorry.

Jazz: everything in the surgery

Was nothing compared to this one moment.

Are we done?

Dr. Ting: no, I'm sorry. We're not.

She might have to have a fourth surgery.

Now that you're here, what is going through your mind?

Jazz: until I officially declare

That I'm gonna be attending harvard,

I don't think my parents are gonna rest.

You got into the top school.

I just don't want to make you upset.

Well, that, to me, says you want to go to pomona.

♪♪