07x03 - My 234-lb Life

[bunniefuu]

[man] How are you feeling miss Jasmine?

Tired, but, ready for surgery.

[woman] Last season on I am Jazz.

So, good bye. All right.

[Jazz] I had the gender confirmation surgery,

and now we're on the third surgery.

[surgeon] There's scar everywhere.

-[surgeon ] Okay. -If you don't want to cut this,

why would you cut that?

There are a lot of things that have to go perfectly

for her to have a beautiful aesthetic result.

[surgeon ] We corrected the scars and...

It actually looks like a vulva.

-[surgeon] Loving that? -So much better.

[Jazz] I have not worn a bikini

in so, so long,

I have a [bleep], I'm gonna show the world.

Okay, Harvard...

-Congratulations! -[all cheering]

[Jazz] I feel like a lot of Harvard students,

their mind-set is, success, success, success.

And there is definitely a sort of intensity,

that I was feeling...

That definitely exists.

[Jazz] I am feeling a little bit intimidated by that

because, I know, I can be a perfectionist,

and I put a lot of pressure on myself.

I'm just worried that,

the environment of Harvard,

may not be good for my mental health.

[Jeannette] Where did you just go?

What are you thinking about?

Honestly, if I let it,

my mind can be a monster.

[Jeannette] I'm extremely concerned because,

she's been having quite a few lows lately.

[Jeannette] And more tears than I've ever seen.

[Jazz sobbing]

I've had a lot of anxiety lately

and worry and fear and doubt.

It could just be very crippling at times.

And it's just been such a struggle.

[Jeannette] I've never seen her,

kind of, unravelling to this extent.

[Jazz] The reality is,

that I have a mental health issue.

And it's hard for me to share that,

it's hard for me to admit that,

but, it's the truth.

[exhales]

The past two years have been

pretty transformative for me.

You know, I went through a lot,

I experienced some high highs and low lows,

and those low moments were...

the lowest of the low

that I've ever been through in my entire life.

[crowd cheering]

[Jazz] Two years ago, I had just graduated,

as valedictorian in my class.

I was on my way,

to one of the greatest institutions in the world.

I completed all of my gender affirmation surgeries,

everything was perfect.

But, by the time I was ready to go to Harvard,

I was just in complete shambles.

And I was actually struggling severely

with mental health issues,

severe depression and anxiety.

[Ari] What?

Nothing, I just have...

got really bad anxiety.

Why?

It just like came on.

[Greg] There were so many events

that had Jazz go in, really, a downward spiral.

[Jeannette] When the drag show

didn't go the way it was supposed to go,

you know, she had a breakdown.

[Jazz] I'm done. [crying]

[Jeannette] When her speech wasn't what it was supposed to be,

she had a breakdown.

-[Jeannette] Okay. -[Jazz crying]

[Jazz crying]

[Jazz] I don't know what to do.

She set such a high bar for herself

that she could never attain what she wanted to attain.

It was never gonna be perfect.

And she was just kind of like

with water boiling and finally just went over.

[Jazz crying]

It's okay. It's okay.

She wanted to go to Harvard

and we actually took the steps...

to go to school,

but we determined that it was in Jazz's best interest

to hold off and take a leave of absence.

[Jazz] When you last saw me, I wasn't eating at all.

I was in a dark phase,

and I was the lowest weight I've ever been.

And then on the reverse side of that,

I started binge eating

and I gained weight,

and more weight, and more weight.

Food was just that one thing that was constant,

and that would make me feel,

at least a little bit better.

But I just let myself go all the way,

and now almost pounds heavier,

here I am today.

[Jack] They made it.

-We made it. -[Jack] What took you so long?

You have a receiving line.

[Jazz] Oh!

-[Jeannette] Hug the birthday girl. -Happy birthday.

Thank you, sweetheart.

-[Jazz] Love you. -At the most.

It's definitely been difficult to watch Jazz,

um, live every day with mental health issues.

[Sander] She still has a lot of steps to go,

but she definitely is in a way better place

than she was a little while back.

We need some fun.

-It's been a long time and we need some fun. -[Griffen] Me too.

I need some fun too, I've been in my desk, yeah, I think,

-for the last year. -this is a great idea

[Griffen] All right, is it time to boat.

[Jazz] Oh, my God, are you guys ready for this?

-All board. -Let's go.

[Jazz] Hello.

-I got a lei. There you go. -Thank you.

Welcome.

[Jeannette] The last two years

have been extremely overwhelming.

And at times, it was, like, rock bottom hard.

And then along with that, we were hit with...

this great pandemic.

All of our kids came home,

and Jack and Jacky, we've had to be...

really distant from.

So, this is really one of the first times

that we're all together,

and what a great way to celebrate Jacky's birthday.

Let's keep paddling fast.

[indistinct conversation]

-Go, go. -Go, go, go, go.

Go, go, go.

[Griffen] Hey guys, we're moving.

This is like the recumbent bike in the house, right?

We're gonna have those, like, sore butt-cheeks.

[Jacky] All I know is

my sciatica better not bother me tomorrow.

How amazing it is,

to be together with

all of you...

on, uh, such a special occasion.

Love you the most,

-each and every one of you. -We love you the most.

Yay!

-Happy birthday. -Happy birthday.

How does it feel to be ?

Do we have to go there?

I don't go around announcing my age.

I have to say that the man I'm married to does.

We're very opposite that way.

'Cause I'm proud of you.

-Aging is ugly. -Yes.

-Physically ugly. -You don't look so bad.

It's covered up.

We fought through a pandemic

and that's a whole lifetime ago.

We really need a little catch up time.

It's been cool to live back at home

because me and Griffin would be in college together

and then I got to move back home

and I got to be with these two again.

[Jacky] There goes the empty nest, mom and dad.

[Sander] It's pretty nice to all be under one roof again,

but it's been chaotic.

-There's a lot going on. -It's been fun.

A lot of adult energy.

-Smell my pits. -Uh-uh.

Definitely, very, very messy.

Flippin' egg time!

[Ari] Oh, Sander!

Oh, my God!

You guys have to do the garbage before you leave.

There you go.

No, you can take it out.

[Jeannette] It was much easier when they were little.

I'll change dirty diapers

any day over the stuff that we go through.

Are you getting up today?

Is Jeremy here?

Don't go in there.

[Jazz] You guys are going to be empty-nesters soon,

'cause Sander is gonna move out,

and then Ari's going to...

get her PhD, and then I'm hopefully going to Harvard.

[Jazz] I really, really want to be

sitting in a classroom this fall.

Like this is everything I've been waiting for,

but there are some prerequisites.

I need to submit a therapist letter

saying that I've been stable for at least six months,

and that I'm ready to attend school.

Also, I need to prove to Harvard,

that I can carry a full schedule.

So, I have to work or volunteer

for hours a week,

showing that I can be productive.

Look at the dolphins.

Oh, my God! They're so close.

-Oh, wow! -[all cheering]

Are they gonna, wanna follow us?

Gotta ask them.

So, should we take a sh*t with you,

grandma, for your birthday?

Celebratory sh*t? Who has a sh*t?

-Oh. -Oh.

Some vodka, grandma.

[Jeannette] Silent k*ller.

[Jazz] It's really cool to be out on a boat with my family,

because the past two years

have been a struggle not just for me,

but for my entire family.

They've held my hand, and supported me,

and stayed by my side,

throughout every single second of it all.

And...

[exhales] I'm just, I focus every day on expressing

gratitude for them,

because we really are a blessed family.

I know that I have a long way to go,

but I'm finally ready to begin the next chapter.

[Sander] Grandpa Jack, give a cheers.

The best times of my life

is when I have

seven other members of our family with us.

I just enjoy every minute of it

and I want many more.

[all] Cheers!

Happy birthday, Jacky.

[Jeannette] Could've sworn, I already cleaned in here.

[knock at door]

Hello, oh! Hi, hi, hi...

I haven't seen you since Covid.

I'm tripping with my flip flops.

-I'm home. -Hi, my love, hi.

[Jeannette] Kryss Shane,

is an LGBTQ+ expert.

She's been in the field for something years.

She knows more than anybody,

that I know on the topic.

-See? Look, new kitchen. -Ihaven't seen it, since it was done.

[Jeannette] She is one of the few people that totally gets it.

She knows where we've been.

She knows all that we've been through.

And I love her.

Covid makes it seem like it's been forever,

and also just since yesterday since I've seen you.

Yeah, it's like up there.

[Kryss laughing]

-Just opens the door. -The cats, you know...

[Kryss] I give up.

How are you?

[exhales]

Where do we begin?

[Kryss] All the places.

And is she healed and everything is good now?

She is great now.

Um...

She hasn't seen Dr. Ting or Dr. Bowers,

so, it's time for her,

to go to a doctor and just, you know,

take a look down there and...

see what's going on.

[Jeannette] Jazz has an upcoming appointment,

with yet another vag*na doctor.

This one is a plastic surgeon, Dr. Gallagher.

And I'm afraid that she's gonna

look down there and be, like,

"Hmm, we can change this, we can change that,

or I recommend this or I recommend that."

I am a little nervous having a new set of eyes,

-checking out what's going down -Yeah.

-on down there, down. -[Kryss laughing]

-I mean I think-- -What's cooking between the legs?

Right?

I wanted her to say, "Everything looks great,

and congratulations, you have an amazing vag*na."

I mean after all she's been through, though,

at this point, you know,

what's the worse that could happen, right?

[Jeannette] We'll see.

Being her mom...

it has been the greatest experience,

but also, it's been draining.

She's gone through a really rough time.

But, I know I've talked to,

for, sporadically it's relative

but, for like a whole year, she wasn't herself.

As parents, Greg and I, have really struggled,

dealing with Jazz's mental health issues.

At times, we...

are abrasive towards each other

because it's so hard,

you have no one else to take it out on,

and, like, do something,

and you do something. No, I don't know that to do.

It's very...

frustrating and it's painful,

to watch your kid in that type of pain,

and there's not a lot that you can do,

other than love them.

She got to the point where she's like,

"I need medicine, and I will take what I have to take,

to feel good again."

And people say, it's all about the cocktail.

You gotta find the right combination of medicine,

and psychiatry is one of these fields that's imperfect

The medication is really tough,

because for the longest time, we just couldn't get right.

If we did get a medication that worked,

there were side effects.

And, um, it was a whole saga in itself,

just to get the medicine right.

And when we did, it made all the difference in the world.

[Kryss] So, there's something I should show you.

Online, there was a trans woman,

Ts Madison, who was posting,

and actually talking about you guys.

-And... -[Jeannette] Oh, I always loved that.

Right? But it sounds like,

some misinformation is going on.

And they've got, like, a million followers...

I need to brace myself.

I might get angry and throw the phone

-in the pool or something. -[Kryss] I mean,

it just didn't seem like,

the right thing to not have you

at least see it,

-and get your thoughts on it. -Okay.

I'm gonna be disheartened when I hear

it's a trans women too.

Because, like,

trans people need to be there for trans people.

-Look at that. -I can see it, I can totally see it.

Um, it's upsetting,

because she thinks,

there's a correlation between,

Jazz's surgery and Jazz's mental health.

Which absolutely couldn't be further from the truth.

What do you think about the idea of talking,

how do you feel about that?

I don't like confrontation.

[Kryss] I know.

But, this misinformation,

especially, with a million followers,

could be really, really harmful

-to a lot of people. -Mm-hmm, mmm-hmm

[Jeannette] I know that there is opposing views out there,

on Jazz's and social media.

But it's always a pet peeve of mine,

to hear trans people,

bash or say anything negative about other trans people.

She is intimidating.

And I don't do intimidating people very well.

I'll be with you if you want.

[Jeannette] Ts Madison is wrong,

and nobody ever wants to be wrong.

Especially, somebody like her,

who is outspoken.

But the only way to stifle them,

and put them in their place,

is to go toe to toe with them.

I want her with a huge platform,

just set the record straight.

You just can't let this misinformation go on,

especially, when you're talking about

my family, my kid.

Hopefully, that conversation will go really well.

If she'll see us.

I don't even know what I weigh right now,

it's been a little while since I weighed my self

When I see how big my stomach is,

it is really hard,

to look in the mirror or step on the scale.

Oh, wow! That's the most I've ever seen.

Oh, my God!

-Yeah, it smells so good in here. -Yeah.

Sugar pillow.

Hey, they're nice.

-Awesome. -I love this.

And touch.

Not as soft as the cats.

[Jeannette laughing]

-It's been while since I've been checked on. -[Jeannette] Mm-hmm

[Jazz] I haven't even looked at it because I just

dilate, do the deed and that's that,

but I don't take a mirror anymore.

I haven't seen mine in years.

-Okay. -[Jeannette laughing]

So my, it's been months for me and years for you.

-Yeah I just don't-- -May be we should plan a date,

where we get some mirrors there...

Okay no.

[Jazz] Too much?

Dr. Gallagher, is a plastic surgeon,

and she's gonna assess,

you know, how everything looks.

Because I haven't gotten that area

checked out in a while...

Not gonna lie, my weight has changed

my vag*na a little bit.

Like I have a mini FUPA,

fat upper [bleep] area.

Um, I play, I play with it.

I press it, it's like,

It's like a bunch of fat, and it's like, okay.

Yeah, like a little pillow.

Well, that was TMI.

[laughing]

I'm wondering, if she' is gonna be like,

"Well, you know, if you want,

I can do this surgery,

for you to fix this,"

and it will be a good idea.

Honestly, I've already had to go through three surgeries,

like a fourth one, no.

They're probably gonna weigh me.

I'm sure they will.

I don't even know what I weigh right now,

it's been a little while since I weighed myself.

So, I'm a little concerned.

[Jazz] When I see how big my stomach is,

it is really hard to look in the mirror,

or step on the scale.

[Wendy] Honey, step on it.

All right, once it zeros...

Oh, wow! That's the most I've ever seen.

That's really gotta go.

[Jazz] Seeing my self weigh pounds,

it's devastating.

Oh, my God!

It's pretty heart breaking to realize, like,

Wow, like, I did this to myself.

Two hundred thirty four pounds that's, like,

that puts me in a morbidly obese range.

[Jeannette] I'm really scared for her.

Not just...

...cause of the number on the scale,

but because of the health concerns.

I'm just gonna put this on your index finger.

[Jeannette] She has high cholesterol.

She's now developed asthma.

Her heart resting heart rate,

is higher than my heart rate, while I'm working out.

And I'm an old lady.

She's too young to have all these health concerns.

And, as she gets heavier...

she's just gonna get sicker.

Her body is just screaming out for help.

-[knock on door] -Come in.

-Hello, hi. -[Jazz] Hi.

-How are you doing? -Hello.

I'm good, how are you?

Good, nice to meet you both.

Thank you for coming in today.

My name is Dr. Sidhbh Gallagher

I am a plastic surgeon,

specializing in gender affirmation surgery.

Well so, three previous surgeries, isn't that right?

Uh, peritoneal vaginoplasty

and then a labiaplasty revision

-Isn't that right? -Yes.

Couple of them, okay, good.

And any problems you've noticed,

in the area at all?

[Jazz] No, no problems.

I have sensations,

I'm able to pee normally.

-[Sidhbh] Great, -Everything is working.

[Sidhbh] Awesome. Good, good.

And did you notice, have you lost any depth or something?

I did lose about two inches of depth,

uh, from the amount I had right after the surgery.

Okay.

Well, so, what I'll do is,

-I'm gonna take a look at everything, if that's okay. -Okay, perfect.

If you can, if you're able to bend the knees up for me.

-[Jazz] Okay. -Awesome.

Okay, we'll keep you all covered.

[Jazz] I don't know what she is gonna say,

if she is gonna say it looks amazing,

or it looks weird?

I feel fine with the way,

everything is functioning right now.

But, you never know what the doctor is gonna say.

[Sidhbh] So, what I'm gonna do is,

I'm gonna step out, let you get dressed.

I'll put this bed over here.

Okay, all right,

Um, so...

everything is looking very healthy down there.

It's looking very good.

Everything is nice in the middle.

Um, and it looks like,

you've healed the scars beautifully.

So, you're not recommending a fourth surgery?

I, I sure wouldn't.

-I think you're doing good well, yeah. -That's good.

Ugh, thank the Lord!

This vag*na saga is over.

I'm just so relieved.

It's time to close this chapter,

and begin a new one.

Any other questions about anything else?

[Jazz] No, I feel good.

-I feel good too. -All right,

-Awesome. Why don't I bring you guys down here. -We appreciate it.

[Jazz] Thank you so much.

Now that I have the vag*na out of the way,

I wanna focus on losing weight,

getting to Harvard,

and just become an independent adult.

[pop music playing]

[Jazz] Look, do you like my shirt?

Donut. Judge.

Makes me wanna eat food.

Because I'm heavier now,

and people are quick to judge,

people who are overweight.

People are quick to judge you,

but you also eat a lot of donuts.

I have eaten donuts in large quantities before.

I'm like sweating,

just from putting these on, that's how out of shape I am.

My heart rate is .

[Sander] Watching Jazz struggle because of her weight,

is really heartbreaking.

Her health is definitely deteriorated.

It's tough to see.

So, I've been trying to find out new ways

to get Jazz out and active.

We got this.

[Jazz] Oh [bleep]. Oh [bleep]

Come to the grass, it's safe here.

No, you gotta get on the road.

[Sander] Yup, there you go.

[Jazz] Oh, oh...

I need to practice.

-[Sander] Uh, you're supposed to be teaching me. -[Jazz] Oh, no!

[Sander] Oh, my gosh!

[Sander] Here I come.

-[Sander] Here? -[Jazz] That was scary.

I don't know why Sander picked rollerblading,

because both of us suck at this.

This was much easier to do,

when I was almost a pounds lighter.

My whole body is,

tightened up and burning.

-[Sander] I'm sure. -[Jazz] Think I need to go to the grass,

let's go to the grass.

[Sander] Okay, let's go to the grass.

Oh!

I...

want to be healthy,

and I wanna get in shape.

And I wanna help you get there,

but, Jazz, you got to recognize,

events like these, where you can't go

a yards without...

feeling like your body is giving out on you,

because you've gained a lot of weight?

It's something you need to take seriously

Mm-hmm.

I'm just really devastated that I have done this to my body.

[Sander] I will never stop believing in my sister,

but...

sometimes I'm just unsure,

if what she really wants is to be healthy.

Of course, I wanna be healthy,

but it's really, really hard when I have an addiction,

which is a disease, it's an illness.

And every single day,

I have cravings,

and I have to try to b*at it.

And I'm just struggling with that.

Yeah, now is the time to change.

I really think,

a good idea would be to,

to take a before photo.

Shirt off, you flaunt it.

Show yourself what you look like,

and tell yourself, you're never going back.

-Oh, my God! My big ol' belly, -You flaunt off,

it looks like I'm carrying twins right now.

Well, it's a thing that you're leaving in the past what's important.

I'm looking at this picture as,

this is where I never wanna be again.

But now, you really gotta be thinking,

where do I wanna go?

[Jazz] I actually think it's a great idea.

because it holds me accountable.

However, it's also hard,

because if we take this before photo,

and I don't lose weight,

then it's just disappointing.

And I don't wanna disappoint anyone,

but, most of all, I don't wanna disappoint myself.

[Michael Murphy] Hi, ladies, welcome to sketch and step.

My specialty is

figure drawing, so we're going to have a model.

[Jazz] Oh, my God!

[Jacky] I don't know where to put my eyes.

I don't even know where to put my hand.

I just start drinking.

-[Michael] Have a drink. -Help.

[Ari laughing]

[Jeannette] Kryss, you've outdone yourself.

-Girl, look at this. -[Kryss] Oh, my God!

-Surprise. -I've never been in a real studio.

Hi, ladies, welcome to sketch and step.

I'm going to be your instructor.

-Hi. -[Jacky] I'm speechless.

My name is Kurt.

-[Jeannette] Nice to meet you. -And I've been told that,

you like to drink.

So, I'm gonna be serving you alcohol throughout.

That's part of the important part of it.

-[Jeannette] Okay. -Do we drink first and then draw, I hope?

The more you drink, the better you draw.

[all laughing]

Jeanette really needs to laugh.

She spent two years now,

dealing with all kinds of stress.

Between Covid and everything going on,

with Jazz, so, she needs laughter,

more than anything.

And when I started to think about

what might make her laugh,

I thought, this would be a blast.

So, anyway, you probably would like to draw,

something other than bottles and oranges

and things like that.

You know, my specialty is,

figure drawing, so we're going to have a model.

Clay?

[both laughing]

Oh, Lord!

[all laughing]

[Jacky] Your father is gonna k*ll me.

I don't know where to put my eyes.

I don't even know where to put my hand.

I just start drinking.

[all laughing]

Help.

[Ari laughing]

You have a really good body.

-Thank you. -Yes, you do.

Appreciate it.

Well, I have four children,

so, obviously I like penises enough

to produce four children.

[laughing]

Do we start at his feet,

or his head, or the other head, or...

[all laughing]

This is not getting better than what I draw.

You know, actually,

you're the anatomically most correct so far.

Oh, I've been married the longest.

[all laughing]

Oh, look at the shaving for teeth there.

No, that's a beard.

[all laughing]

It's all the same.

Yes, a lot.

Like your phone number and address.

[Ari laughing]

[Ari] Okay.

I do appreciate, that I have in front of me,

a really gorgeous specimen of a man.

Following after you.

-I resent every moment of, of this, you know. -You are cool.

Okay, guys, what do you think of this one?

[all laughing]

[Ari] Mom, I never knew you were artistic.

Grandma, yours is kinda a creepy,

but in a good way.

Can anybody identify this as a human?

[Ari] It's like an arrow coming out of his butt.

He's pooping a tea bag.

Yours is looking good.

Look, she has everything here.

-She has bent legs. -Oh, yeah.

She puts stubble on his face.

[Ari] Yeah, I'm really glad this is not a competition.

-[Kryss] Ari. -I love it.

-[Jacky] I love it. -[Ari laughing]

Well, guys, we're gonna wrap it up,

I wanna thank you,

and Clay for modelling,

-um, you did a great job. -[Jeannette] Thank you.

-Thank you, Clay. -Thank you, Clay.

-Thank you. -[Clay] I loved it.

Can I get dressed now?

Honestly, I haven't seen,

a real live penis,

a new one,

since, um...

I know, I've been with Greg since early 's.

So, like years, yeah, mmm-hmm.

Yeah.

You just got someone.

Going on. I'm gonna miss you, you got to laugh.

Thank you. I did, I laughed so hard, my face hurts.

[all laughing]

[Jeanette] Oh, yeah, I have a lot going on, I am stressed.

This was a nice release of that stress, but...

Kryss is gonna assign a live stream

with somebody who you don't know,

I don't think you've ever heard of Ts Madison?

She's a transgender woman.

Oh, wait, I think I have actually.

She's bold, she's outspoken,

she's been on drag race

and she just heard on social media,

that Jazz is having mental health issues,

and she is wondering if it's related to,

her having this surgery.

-Uh, -And connect, is there a connection.

[Jacky] I know some person who would say,

Well, she didn't do this or that,

or that or this,

and didn't have this pressure, that pressure.

She probably would have been fine,

and they're busy making the connections.

Right, right. They're like, if Jeanette had done this,

or Greg had done that,

they haven't done this, if they had done that.

They did this wrong, that wrong,

-and this is why she's like this. -Exactly.

-Yeah. -And everybody thinks they have

-all the answers, -Yeah.

and that their lives are so perfect or whatever.

Mm-hmm.

[Jeanette] Ts Maddison and the rest of the internet,

is spewing information out,

about my child that's inaccurate

I am a very non-confrontational person,

but you don't say any bleep about my kids,

I'm gonna come after you.

All right, everyone say bye to their drawing.

Bye, drawing.

-Yeah, let's leave them here. -They're clear...

We need to bring the evidence home with us.

Picasso wasn't born in a day, huh?

-[Sander] Hey! -[Jazz] Oh, my God!

-Stop sweating -What are you guys wearing?

We are getting you ready to meet

all your weight loss goals.

Oh, my God, this is...

Yes.

My hair is in my face.

Ah...

-What is this? -Let's get that queen strut.

I know she was kind of hesitant to...

do this photo sh**t.

And so, we brought out some costumes,

to hopefully lighten the mood

and make her feel good about it.

I do wanna have a good time, but...

I just wanna take a photo,

without all this stuff.

I weigh right now,

which is absolutely insane.

That's a lot.

I wanna get back into s.

That means I have to lose pounds,

before I go off to college.

[Griffen] The reason we're taking this picture today,

is for accountability.

You hold yourself accountable,

you actually have to take the steps

[Sander] We've seen Jazz commit to lose weight.

and succeed when she really wants to,

and puts her mind to it.

But only she can make this change.

You're ready to see my belly with my stretch marks?

I'm gonna take photos while you do this, too, so,

-Let's give it a go. -[Griffen] Beautiful.

[camera shutters clicking]

It's a big ol' belly.

[Griffen] Belly blob is back

Oh, my God!

-[Sander] Leave it. -Why do I do this?

-[Sander] Turn. -Here's the side view, it's really bad.

[Sander] Jazz, I think you still look beautiful,

and body positivity is key.

I think it's a powerful photo.

-It is a powerful photo. -I think, I think every...

...week or two weeks, we should...

-[Griffen] Progress. -weigh myself,

and maybe take more pictures.

Let me see, let, we'll pick one out.

Oh, my God, I'm so enormous.

Oh, my God! [gasps]

The side view...

-[Sander] We did picture it. -[Jazz] Looking at the photos,

I'm just pretty astounded.

When I see the stretch marks on my stomach,

when I see how big my stomach is,

I feel a little bit ashamed.

I can't believe, I let my self get that far.

it's really sinking in,

just how far I have to go,

to lose this weight and be healthy.

And you want to post this right now?

Yup, here, let me read too, what I wrote.

"Posting this photo because it's time for me to address my weight gain

and hold myself accountable.

I've been saying, I'm ready to turnover a new leaf,

but I'm running out of trees now.

Thank you all and thanks for understanding the battle,

I'm fighting to win."

I think it's great, it's perfect.

All right, let's post it.

[Sander] All right, get it.

[Jazz] It's time to commence this journey,

it's time to begin this weight loss.

And, I think I'm capable of doing it.

All right. It is posted.

But I do think, it's gonna be very challenging.

[Jazz] Dr. Gallagher is, like,

we could do a trail run,

for an internship.

I'm crossing my fingers, that this works out.

It's gonna need a numbing sh*t?

-Yeah, yeah. We also give-- -Those hurt.

[Jazz] I don't think that was the right thing to say.

I hope that Dr. Gallagher,

doesn't hold that one against me.

[Greg] How was your doctor's appointment with Jazz?

-[Greg] Is everything okay? -[Jeannette] It went really well.

She said everything looked really good.

But they did have to weigh Jazz.

She's pounds.

We've done all kind of different things.

Like throwing away the food.

Minimizing access to money.

That we...

like, we couldn't have done anything more,

which breaks my heart.

Hello, mis padres.

Hello, Jazzy poo.

[Jazz] What's going on?

So, you know, I visited with Dr. Gallagher.

And I talked to her to follow up.

and, somehow, the conversation came up that for school,

I need to...

have six months of productivity.

I need to get all these hours,

to show Harvard that,

I haven't been just laying on my ass doing nothing.

And she was like, "Well, we are looking for...

trans representation in the office.

Because all of the employees who work there, currently,

aren't trans gender, they're all cisgender."

So, she was like,

"You can come in tomorrow,

and we could do a trail run...

for an internship,

and if that goes well,

then I'll start working for her.

Interning at Dr. Gallagher's office would be amazing.

I want to make this happen so bad.

Because not only does it cover the hours I need for Harvard,

but I also get to help other people,

by sharing my story and making them feel comfortable as patients.

So, it's a win-win,

Do you know what you would be doing?

I feel like it's probably going to be mostly phone calls,

but, maybe I could do other things.

And maybe even go in,

like, when she is doing surgery.

That would be weird.

I don't know if I could...

hand me the scalpel, no, I can't.

[Greg] I think Jazz working in a medical office is a nice opportunity.

The question is...

what happens when you see blood?

Do you pass out, do you fall over?

Jazz is not affected by the sight of blood.

What you talking about? She fainted when I had Botox.

Did you forget about that?

You weren't there.

-[Greg] I wasn't there. -Yeah she fainted.

Okay, so, maybe she shouldn't be in a medical office.

[Greg] It's nice, I think that would be a...

Oh, ew, ew, right.

-Oh. -Dad, wait, put your feet up.

-[Greg] No. -[Jazz] Look what I could do.

[Jeannette] Oh, no, no, no.

I can bend my toes all the way.

-[Jazz] Hello. -[Neasa] Hi Jazz, I'm Neasa, welcome.

Hi, how are you?

Good, we're super excited to have you.

Super excited to be here.

-[Jazz] Hi, how are you? -[Sidhbh] Hi, how are you doing?

Welcome.

-Thank you for having me here. -Well...

-absolutely. -Thanks for the opportunity.

-I'm excited to get started. -[Sidhbh] Yeah.

This is gonna be your seat for today.

I really, really need to get this internship,

because I need to show Harvard,

that I can carry a full work schedule.

I'm crossing my fingers that this works out,

and that I can get the hours,

I need to be able to go to Harvard.

So, sticker,

one paper, two paper,

four of these, and one of these.

[Sidhbh] In interns, typically I'm looking for...

a good work ethic.

That no task is too small.

Uh, Dr. Gallagher, Noah is here.

-[Sidhbh] Oh, okay. Good. -[Neasa] Yeah.

[Sidhbh] And I'll just have you come with me

-go see some patients. -Okay.

All right, come on ahead.

Also...

bedside manner is also important as well.

Because, when patients come in to have these surgeries,

particularly, gender affirmation surgeries,

it's a very vulnerable time.

-[Sidhbh] Hello, hey. -[patient ] Hey, hi.

-Hello. -[Noah] How are you doing?

This is Jazz.

-Hi, nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you too. I heard a lot about you.

[Sidhbh] Yeah, she's, ah...

she's kinda shadowing me today,

uh, she might be your intern.

And, Jazz, this is Noah.

This is my rock star patient.

Noah is a year old,

uh, transgender man.

And we did his top surgery six months ago.

In your case, it took so well,

but they're a little bit on the larger side,

So, today we're gonna do a little,

nip tuck or revision.

Basically, what I would do,

is make a semicircle now.

Bring that into that.

[Sidhbh] You know what I mean, bringing it that way and that way?

[Jazz] It's really, really cool to be a part of this procedure,

because, obviously, I'm male to female,

I've never been a part of this female to male journey.

So, it's different surgeries,

different medications,

everything is just completely different.

Because it's the reverse.

However, I'm a little bit nervous because like...

I'm an intern,

I was not expecting to be a part of

a whole mini surgery on my first day.

I'm like, "Oh, my God!"

This is amazing and crazy at the same time.

He's gonna need a numbing sh*t or no?

Yeah, yeah.

-We also got-- -Those hurt, the sh*ts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I shouldn't have said that.

It's perfectly fine, you're not gonna feel anything,

-it's gonna be great. -It's gonna be great.

It's gonna be great.

[Jazz] I'm just like, "Oh, my God!"

I don't think that was the right thing to say.

I hope Dr. Gallagher doesn't hold that one against me.

So, I'm gonna go get Paula,

Paula is gonna come in and put some numbing cream on.

And Jazz is gonna stay with you,

-distract you. -[Jazz] Yeah, talk to me.

[Sidhbh] Yeah.

And, we'll get going. All right?

-Are you nervous? -Yeah, a little bit.

-Really? -Yeah.

I think it's gonna be okay.

She's awesome, I like her.

Are you looking to get bottom surgery as well,

or have you already done it?

Yeah, I would like to in the future, I just feel like,

where I want the surgery to be and where it is now.

-Like, you know, we are, like, on the cutting edge... -Yeah.

technology and science.

Just gonna get better and better.

You know, like, I waited years,

-and I got the best chest ever from Dr. Gallagher, so... -Nice.

I know you got your surgery,

-excited about that. -Yes I did.

Yesterday was actually the third year mark,

-from the day I got my procedure. -Saw it on your social media.

-You saw it on Instagram? -So, oh yeah,

-I follow you and Sander. -Okay.

-I think that's so cool... -It's crazy.

that you, like, you know, you have support of parents,

-and, you know... -Oh, yeah, I'm super lucky.

How are your parents, are they supportive?

Yeah, it took my family a lot to come around,

it's just, such a strained relationship.

When you come out, you transition,

and you have to, like, you know,

you get disowned from your family,

and you have to come back, it's almost like,

you have to repair a relationship,

that you don't really feel like you ruined by doing anything

-other than being yourself. -Yeah.

So, it's just kind of navigating those waters.

[Jazz] Hearing Noah's story,

really makes me reflect,

and be really grateful,

for all the things that I do have.

[Sidhbh] Here we go.

Hard part's over, now it's the easy part.

'Cause you're not gonna feel anything.

Thank goodness.

So, to be able to be there for Noah,

and be like, "Hey, I'm your friend here,

I'm comforting you.

I can use my experience,

help other people, and that's what it's all about."

All right, we're gonna clean them up.

I'm gonna go grab those special band aids

if you wanna just check.

-You did a good job. -Wow!

That's so great, Noah.

From my experience,

I know how life changing these surgeries can be.

so being able to witness someone else's journey

it's like, "Wow, they're going through the same,

euphoria and...

conformation that I went through with my surgery.

I'm really hoping,

that I get the job to come back here,

and work with other patients like Noah.

All right, I have something for you.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, that gift bag. -The Gallagher gift bag.

Now it's official.

-Oh, nice with all-- -Some goodies in there.

-How do you feel? -A lot better now.

[Noah] After going through it and having,

talk to Jazz, I'm feeling a lot less nervous,

[Jazz] I'm gonna head up,

-but it was great meeting you. -It was great meeting you, be safe.

The next steps for my transition,

will, hopefully, be a hysterectomy,

um, to set up way for bottom surgery in the future.

-Knock, knock. -[Sidhbh] Come in.

-[Sidhbh] Hi. -Hello.

[Sidhbh] How are you doing? Come on and head in.

Come on, have a seat.

-How are you doing? -I'm good, I had a lot of fun.

Good, good.

Well, let me tell you, we have loads happening here.

When we did our procedure today,

you know, you helped make Noah super relaxed which we loved.

So, um...

from our point of view,

we would definitely love to offer you position of intern.

I accept.

I'm so happy that the trial run for the internship went well,

and I'm just feeling really excited

and honored to be able to help other patients like Noah.

-I had a blast today. -Good.

And really excited to move forward with this.

[Jazz] I find out about me going to school this fall,

two weeks before moving date.

I need to be in that Harvard classroom,

and this is just one step closer to that.

If I don't make it to school this year,

I would be wrecked.

[Sidhbh] Perfect, well,

welcome abroad, we love having you here.

All right, thank you, I'll see you soon.

-All right, take care. -Take care.

[Ts] Blogs and online have been saying,

that this girl done went crazy,

and I'm like "Well, did the sex reassignment surgery

cause that[bleep]?

[Jeannette] When they have big audiences,

and they're saying things about you or anybody that's inaccurate,

you have to shut it down.

[Kryss] Come on, let's go over here and set up.

-All right, let's do it. -Ready?

We ready to go?

Good, we need tech Sander social wizard.

[Jeannette] It is very important

to set the records straight with Ts Madison

because there's nothing worse,

when somebody is spewing misinformation,

on media channels.

Uh, when they have big audiences,

and they're saying things

about you or anybody that's inaccurate,

you have to shut it down.

-Good luck. -[Jeannette] Okay.

-Knuckle touch? -Good luck and don't bleep it up.

All right, let me know if you need anything, I will be back here.

I'm not hitting that hard because that's a ring.

I think this misunderstanding was caused by Madison.

She has no idea how Jazz was raised,

or what she's been through,

or how she's feeling or her journey.

And you can't compare the two, they're very different.

[Ts Madison] Get in here and watch the damn show.

[Jeannette] I feel a lot of pressure,

because this is a live stream.

It's just like being on TV, except the internet.

There is no going back and cutting...

Well, well, well.

Good morning, everybody.

This is Ts Madison,

is it on, is it on, is this thing recording?

Listen,

I've been watching Jazz Jennings,

I'm so fascinated with her journey.

But, you know,

blogs and online have been saying,

that this girl done went crazy,

and I'm like what, did the sex

reassignment surgeries, cause that[bleep]?

And, Mo, you know, you and I have

talked incessantly about me not having,

um, the sex reassignment surgery,

because of some of my own religious beliefs

I felt that, I'm connected to,

the she and he sprit, that I possess.

So, with Jazz's story,

I just, I have lots of questions.

I don't know if the audience,

has lots of questions as well because,

y'all out there blowing the internet up.

So, without further ado,

I'd like to bring, um, Jeannette Jennings

and her friend, Kryss,

Mo, bring them on.

Hey, ladies.

[both] Hi.

You guys are having a very unique and interesting story.

I've been watching,

how Jazz has grown over the course of time.

Now, we fast forward,

and she has had the bottom surgery.

Like it's done.

What do you have to say,

when you hear things like co-star women,

who have...

experienced lots of mental trauma after it's done.

The first year after her surgery,

she was her happiest ever.

Jazz was euphoric after the surgery.

It wasn't like, "I had the surgery,

and now I have all these mental problems."

She had already had some depression,

years before the surgery.

But it never had to do with her being transgender

-[Jeannette She never-- -What do you think it was,

that had her in a depressive state?

Um, it was clinical depression.

But, you know she was like when this happened.

Um, and from that point on she was battling

depression, for many, many years.

Well, what about the hormones doing that to the body?

Or what about blocking her

from receiving the male hormones.

I was really worried,

at first, when the stor-- when you--

when the story about Jazz first came out,

when she was six, seven years old,

I was like, "Now, wait a minute,

are they really trying to change,

her into to,

a girl this fast?

[Jeannette] When Jazz was years old,

we allowed her to go on a hormone blocker

which delayed puberty,

and basically it saved her life.

You know, you can att*ck me all you want

but I don't like when people are ignorant,

in judging without knowing.

Jazz, from the time she was little,

she told me she was a girl.

it wasn't like, "I like girly things,"

or "I want to be a girl,"

she said, "I am a girl."

And she fought me.

It wasn't like, "Oh, yeah, let's let her be a girl."

We were guided by professionals,

to affirm the fact that we were doing the right thing.

We've never encouraged her.

We just supported her.

So, I actually was helping her,

to be a happier person, a happier child,

by allowing her to be her true self.

Because I wanted her to live.

And she basically had told us many times,

if she was not allowed to transition

she didn't want to be on this Earth.

-Oh, no. -Mm-hmm.

[Kryss] We have to be mindful too,

that when we're having this conversation, we are talking about,

Jazz as an individual person.

We are talking about...

Madison's story as an individual person.

Like, you were talking about

how you feel your genitalia

has ties to your spirituality.

You shouldn't be forced

to have a surgery that's not right for you.

-Right. -The same way, Jazz should not have been forced,

to not have access to a surgery,

that was right for her.

[Ts] All right, Mo, we do have,

some questions.

Mo, can you put up

some of the questions that the audience has, please?

We have a question from Kelly, from Wisconsin

"How do you know you haven't permanently screwed up your child?"

Whoa.

Whoo!

This season on "I Am Jazz"...

Gunny sack racing. Everyone pick a sack.

I've been wanting to get her in the sack for a long time.

-Wait... -Old moves.

Guys, I literally don't fit in the sack.

Having all this extra weight, I can't do so many things

with my body that I used to be able to do.

-Ah! -Oh!

-Hey! How are you? -What's up?

This is my first formal date with a trans woman.

-[laughing] -[exclaiming]

Sander is this little ball of geeky juiciness.

I don't think I've done something, like, this carefree

in awhile. -This is a great

first date with an amazing and beautiful woman.

Sander went ice skating the other day

with Hope, this beautiful trans woman.

Sander, he gets along very well with transgender women.

His dear, dear friend, Miss Peppermint --

I just wonder if they've dabbled in the...

Shirtless Sander, there he is!

I don't know what my relationship with Sander is.

I'd actually went on a date with a trans woman, as well.

Oh, oh!

There's chemistry there.

Sander's not one of my girlfriends.

If I can't have sex with the person,

could I see myself with someone who's not received

her bottom surgery yet -- I'm not sure.

A typical morning's breakfast?

Fast food, maybe a donut or two, and then maybe

two bagels. -I don't judge her by that.

I'm just shocked.

We're not putting butter on it right now, Jazz.

-I know, I just... -No, you need to chill.

No! You need to chill!

Even when we think we're doing something right,

she falls off the wagon.

Come on. I need you to get up.

This isn't gonna cut it at Harvard.

I'm not gonna be here to get you up.

What's gonna happen when we're not around?

You gotta really consider whether you could even

go up to school. -As long as I get off

my lazy ass, then... -You keep making empty promises.

You're like, "I got this! I can do this.

I'm gonna change." -I can tell you that

it's different now, because it's now or never.

It's not, though! It hasn't been.

It's now or never at this point!

Prove it, 'cause you're all talk!

Oh, my God. [groans]