07x04 - Blast From the Past

[bunniefuu]

We got this.

[Jazz] Previously on I Am Jazz...

-[Jazz] Oh, no! Oh! -[Sander] I'm coming [bleep].

[Jazz] Two years ago,

I was on my way to one of the greatest institutions in the world,

but I was actually struggling severely with mental health issues.

I think the weight gain was a symptom

of the deep depression that I experienced.

For a long time now, I've been struggling with binge-eating disorder.

It's biological, you know, my body craves these foods.

It's a big ol' belly.

Oh, my God! [gasps] The side view!

When I see how big my stomach is,

I feel a little bit ashamed.

I would get you started with some administrative type tasks.

And then, we'll see some patients together.

I really, really need to get this internship,

because I need to prove to Harvard that I can carry a full schedule.

I need to be in that Harvard classroom.

If I don't make it to school this year, I would be wrecked.

We would definitely love to offer you position of intern.

[Jeanette] It is very important to set the record straight with Ts Madison.

-Oh, hey, ladies! -Hi!

I feel a lot of pressure because this is a live-stream.

[Madison] I've been watching Jazz Jennings.

Blogs and online have being saying that this girl done went crazy.

And I'm like, "Did the sex reassignment surgery cause that [bleep]?"

Can you put up some of the questions that the audience has, please?

[Jeanette] Ts Madison is a transgender woman.

She is a media personality.

And apparently, she's very popular.

And she's got some serious views about Jazz that are inaccurate.

We have a question from Kelley from Wisconsin.

"How do you know you haven't permanently screwed up your child?"

Whoa!

That's easy. She's alive.

-[chuckles] -Yeah, because she's alive.

We know that she hasn't been temporarily or permanently screwed up.

And I have to say something, just so you know.

She's doing a lot better now.

And this is the mental health piece.

She found the right medicine.

It was like the clouds parted and there was sunlight again.

'Cause she was in a dark place for a while,

and we were really worried about her.

And it had nothing to do with her transness, at all.

It was a whole separate issue.

[Madison] You know, I'm older than Jazz.

So, we came from two completely different worlds.

I'm very much with the stance of, "Nah, I'm not getting it,

because you know, I have been in spaces

where I have seen lots of this of the sex change girls,

have gone into a different space.

But what I learnt from this conversation

is that you have to respect each person's journey individually.

That has to be respected and has to be understood.

And this conversation has really drawn me to understand

that Jazz could've had the mental break whether she had the surgery or not.

-Yep. -Got it.

She was gonna have that, regardless. It was coming.

Listen, ladies, Ms. Kryss, Ms. Jeanette,

I really want to thank you so much for coming on,

and for your guys clearing up that stuff up for me.

If she's in a good space right now,

we want to pray that God keeps her in that place right there.

Thank you.

I believe that women who transition later in life,

that are older than Jazz,

just don't get it.

They went through something completely different,

and maybe, it's hard for them to relate to it.

But Madison had a desire to learn and she was open-minded,

and I wasn't expecting that.

She was listening to what we had to say, which was very refreshing.

[Madison] Thank you, guys, for watching! Bye!

-Bye, Madison. -Bye!

[Jeanette] Anybody home?

-There he is. What's up? -Hey! How you doing?

-How you doing? -I'm good. How'd the live-stream go?

-Good! -[Jeanette] Good!

-Oh, hey, Jazz. -[Jazz] Hey, what's up?

-[Greg] Where are you guys coming from? -From group.

[Sander] Mom and Kryss k*lled it. They did awesome.

[Jazz] You guys talking about the live-stream?

[Sander] Yeah, with Ts Madison.

[Jazz] It's amazing that the entire family is speaking

about transgender topics and issues,

because during my mental health issues,

I've definitely taken a pause when it comes to advocacy work.

So, my family taking on Ts Madison, definitely relieves me of some pressure.

You guys, both, have different experiences.

-And that's what we learned today. -That's a given!

Everyone in life has a different experience.

Every single transperson has a different experience.

So of course, it's going to be different.

Well, we know that, but she didn't quite know that.

Well, in the beginning, she was kinda like,

"My fans are telling me that this girl got her surgery.

And now, because of her surgery,

she's gone crazy and all that stuff."

Where did that come from? Did she come up with that?

She must have heard it from somewhere,

-or are people just coming to conclusions? -Well, one of her followers.

'Cause that's not at all what happened.

People are jumping to conclusions, but they're not anymore.

I had, what I would call, a crash.

There's been signs of it throughout the years.

I'm such a perfectionist.

When everything isn't perfect, or I don't do my best,

I roll on the floor in a ball, in fetal position,

devastated, crying, and... I don't know.

It had nothing to do with the surgery.

That is a 'you' thing.

It's not a 'transgender' thing.

[Jazz] You know, it really ticks me off

when another transperson says all these things.

It could scare youth who are looking into getting these procedures in the future,

to think like, "Oh, Jazz got this surgery

and then, she plummeted mentally."

I've been struggling with mental health issues since I was -years-old.

That was when I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety,

and I was put on medication.

This has nothing to do with the surgery.

This has been an inner battle that I've been fighting for much of my life.

I have been doing some exciting things on my own.

I did my trial-run internship at Dr. Gallagher's office.

A patient came in.

It was this transman named Noah,

and I got to talk with him and meet with him a little bit.

He was really, really cool.

[Greg] I'm really excited for Jazz.

She has her internship,

and she came home really excited about what happened at work.

I'm hoping that Jazz rediscovers that little spark that motivates her,

because she needs more of that.

Maybe she'll be a doctor.

Maybe, she will.

Doctor Jazz!

[both chuckle]

And then, Dr. Gallagher did this little revision surgery

where they, like, revise his nipples or whatever.

What did have done to his nipples, exactly?

-What was the deal? -[Jazz] It was like a reduction.

Like, they were a little too big,

so she cut off a little piece of it and made them smaller.

I wonder if I can have that done.

-Oh, my God! You want your nipples... -[Greg] Stop!

[chuckles] I'd do that for you!

You do have, like, grape size.

[groaning loudly]

-Stop it! -[Jeanette] You don't see my nipples.

-He's the only person that sees my nipples. -Stop it now!

I haven't seen her nipples since I was three, four years old.

-So to me-- -[both vocalizing]

[Jazz laughs] Okay!

[Ari] The waves, actually, look really nice today.

[Griffen] You guys want to station somewhere over here?

[Sander] Let's play some volleyball!

I go to the beach to play sports.

-[Ari] Nice. -Sports is where it's at.

I, honestly, go to the beach to get better and relax.

Wind, unwind.

You know, it's been pretty chaotic since we've all been in one roof again.

I don't have any privacy every time I walk around.

I'm just not used to it.

I'm used to my individual life at school.

The energy of all six of us is just, like, merging.

We need to get out of the house and just chill.

I'm trying to always be active. You know me.

I wish you can get Jazz to be more active.

What do you want to do? Just hit it?

-You know what I'm saying? -I'm trying my best, man.

[Sander] Jazz is definitely doing better than where she was

a year and few months ago, even.

But I think Jazz is starting to realize that she has us as support,

and we want her to get where she wants to go,

just as badly as she wants to get where she wants go.

But it's a daily struggle to try to help Jazz be motivated.

She's still eating unhealthy.

She's still not working out much.

The strategy you take to help Jazz,

I mean, it's hard to say what the right one is,

'cause sometimes, she's is on it, she wants to listen and wants--

Oh.

Sometimes-- Your turn.

What? No, no.

Sometimes, she wants to listen and she wants to learn,

and other times, she's checked out.

She doesn't want to listen, she doesn't want to learn.

I really think that it's time for all of us siblings to be helping Jazz

find a way to stop these bad patterns and bad routines,

and to start pushing toward this healthier life.

I know it's not really our jobs,

but she's not doing it herself.

And it's concerning.

But what's going to be the difference between this

and everything we've already tried?

'Cause obviously, we've always all tried to help get Jazz to do these things,

and try to be her motivation.

I've tried to get Jazz to run and stuff very often.

What can we actually do to make this more serious to her and more serious to us?

We can all have a goal that we go in with,

-and then we can help her from there. -Exactly.

People might be like, "Yeah, that must be a burden.

You've had to help your sister through all these struggles."

But if we weren't there or were not supporting her,

then we might not have a little sister anymore.

I think we all have something of value to provide Jazz that

we think, maybe, we are the best at as siblings.

'Cause we know she has it in her and we know she wants it.

The problem is nothing's given her that trigger to say,

"I got to start right this second and make these changes."

The only trigger has been trying to get to school,

which I think is the wrong end goal here.

The end goal Jazz to be healthier and happier.

-[Griffen] Yes. -[Ari] Mmm-hmm.

[Sander] It's interesting, we look around right now,

we're in kinda like a little circle,

but we're missing the rest of the circle.

We are missing Jazz.

Square... or circle.

-Now we're a triangle. -[chuckles]

[Griffen] Square. We got a team.

We all got our little edges and we all have the things that we think that we got.

There's four siblings. That's a square. Look.

-Square. -Yeah, but we could still make it a circle

and just all be part of a circle.

[Griffen] But I think of it like this.

With the square, there's four of us, first of. So four siblings.

That's great for the square.

And second of, we're trying to sharpen each of those edges of that square.

You don't want a square with a rounded edge.

Fine, we'll call it a square.

-It's the vision square. -[Sander] Vision square.

[Griffen] I love it so much.

[Sander] On top of those things,

I think all three of us, definitely, need to help her with the socializing aspect.

She's about to potentially go off to Harvard.

And in general, she just needs to be willing to socialize more.

So I have decided to host a little mixer.

Social mixer, inviting allies in the LGBTQ+ community

to come and hang out with each other,

and including Jazz and I,

and Griffen, and maybe you.

-[Griffen] I love that! -[Ari] There you go!

[Griffen] She needs that kick.

-Oh! -Oh, must have pulled a hammy.

-[Griffen] Oh, don't do that. -[Ari] Don't do that.

[Sander] There is no reason Jazz shouldn't go to the mixer.

It's time that she puts herself out there.

But I am a little hesitant because I don't know how she's going to feel about it.

No one likes being told what to do,

especially not Jazz.

-Get you there. -Hmm. Try my best.

[Griffen] That water's calling my name. How about you guys?

Let's do it.

Cha-cha-cha-cha.

[Sander] Come on, Ari.

-Come on, guys, pick it up! -[Ari] Nope!

[Sander laughs]

[Jeanette] Knock, knock, knock, knock.

-Hello, why don't you meet my best friend? -Oh, my God!-

-[chuckles weakly] Not the scale. -[Jeanette] It's been a week.

Jazz does not like to be weighed.

Her weight is not a happy number.

She loves her food.

And even when we think we're doing something right,

it doesn't last very long and she falls off the wagon.

As a mom, I feel terrible watching it,

but she self-sabotages.

And she's gotta make a change.

If you do not lose this weight, you are going to be very unhealthy,

and you might be pre-diabetic any day.

So, for your health, you need to be accountable to yourself.

Last time I weighed myself, I was pounds.

Well, I'm hoping .

How are your habits? Have you changed your habits?

If you look at my garbage right there,

-you'll find stuff that you don't want to find. -Hmm, let's see.

[Jeanette] What is this?

-[Jeanette] What? -Ten nuggets with fries.

-[Jeanette] That's it? -And two chocolate milks.

-And? -Two cookies.

-[Jeanette] And? -That's it.

-[Jeanette] That's a lot of calories. -Let's step on the scale.

-Let's step on the scale. -[Jeanette] After you ate all that,

-you want to stand on the scale? -I don't want to,

but if I gained weight then...

-Oh, Jazz! -Maybe that will motivate me.

[Jazz] .

-That's like exactly what I weighed at doctor's office. -[Jeanette] Really?

I think it was . or ..

So you gained . pounds?

[Jazz sighs] Maybe.

[chuckles wearily] Jazz, I don't know what to do with you.

I'm in a bad predicament,

'cause I know Jazz needs to lose weight.

And I am just in a bad place,

because I'm trying not to make Jazz feel bad about herself.

So it's a very dicey situation.

I'm like, walking on egg shells.

-This is the most you've ever weighed. -I know.

My biggest hang up is that I'm just addicted to food and I can't help myself.

Like, I tell myself to try to stop,

but I don't have a lot of willpower and self-control.

I'm very impulsive.

You're only .

I look at you and I see that you are the happiest

you've been in a very, very long time.

-I still-- -But now, you have this other issue.

I still feel like I'm not a % me.

I don't know how to describe it.

Lose some weight.

So next week, we don't have this problem.

Oh, please don't play the bongo drums on your stomach.

[Jazz singing] Bongo-mmm.

[Jeanette] This is your body.

Like, I think you're outside your body.

You're playing the bongo drums on your stomach.

You're a crazy kid. Stop! [chuckles softly]

[Jazz] It's all going to go away.

In a few months, it won't be there.

You are this beautiful, beautiful person that's kinda trapped under this weight

-that you gotta get out from underneath to be healthy. -It's okay.

I'm telling you right now, it's okay.

-I'm not super-- -You always say, "It's okay, it's gonna be better."

But then, I see the garbage.

I'm just really concerned about you.

I love you so much and I want you to be healthy.

-I know. -You're happy. I need you healthy.

-We need the two to go together, okay? -I agree.

The idea is to kinda host a mixer

and provide and opportunity for people to ask questions.

I am a little apprehensive because I have, like, almost a pounds more than I had.

Hello, I'm Griffen. Nice to meet you.

[Jazz] I don't want to have to worry about feeling awkward or stared at weirdly.

We are going to jump into our Q&A.

Jazz, you want to come up here and start this?

[Ari] You ready to work out?

[Jazz] I'm ready to work out.

-Let's get it! -I need this. My body needs this.

-[Sander] Oops. -[Griffen] Let's go. Get it, get it, get it.

-[Sander] Get it! -[Griffen] God, dude!

[Sander] Watch out, flying paddles.

Jazz loves playing sports,

so it's really easy to get her to play sports.

-Sander loves playing with you. -We are a dynamic duo.

-Sander and me. -Not gonna lie. Me and Ari came for blood today.

Like, you guys are done.

All right, Sander, let's go to the other side.

Jazz and I started running about a year ago, every other day.

And then, it fell off.

But pickleball has been the one thing that we started to consistently play,

and that she's been very into doing.

-We'll play to . -[Jazz] Okay, we'll play to .

-[Sander] Just play it. -[Jazz] You got it.

No.

-[Griffen] Yes! -[Jazz] Yes, Ari!

[Griffen] Two.

-[Griffen] Ooh! -[Jazz] Oh, no!

Should I get that ball? We'll get it later.

[Sander] Yeah, go get it jogging.

[Jazz sighs] Okay.

[bleep] I'm not wearing a sports bra.

[Sander] Come on! Jog it back.

[Griffen] She's breathing pretty heavy right now, so I'm concerned.

I know she wants to live a happier and healthier life.

-[Sander] All right, I'm starting. -Hold on! Just wait!

I'm out of shape. Give me some...

Be easy on me.

[Griffen] Jazz amazes me in so many ways.

I want to see her succeed.

I want to see her take advantage of every single day,

and be the best version of herself.

-[Griffen] Oh! Good point. That was a good point. -[Jazz] Oh!

[Ari] Go, Griff!

-[Ari] Ooh, nice! -[Griffen] Whoo!

That's good. Oh, congratulations.

[Griffen] I outsmarted him.

All right, guys. Father's Day is coming up.

What's the plan?

Probably going to go get food like normally.

[Jazz] Can we not make it about food this year?

Because obviously, I'm trying to eat healthier,

and every year, we make it about going to a restaurant or bringing in unhealthy food.

If we eat food, I want it to be healthy food.

So do you want healthy food or a healthy fun thing to do?

Both.

You know what we should do?

We should do something right down Dad's alley and play some sports.

We could play pickleball.

Pickleball takes too long and there's too much...

Like, it would take like an hour just to play pickleball.

So it needs to be quicker things

that can be accomplished in, like, five or ten minutes.

Like, a little hacky sack race,

or a little one-mile jog, or swimming.

[Sander] But what's the end goal here?

-Someone wins Father's Day? -[Griffen] Someone wins.

-Someone wins. -[Ari] Yeah, it's a competition.

[Sander] I think this idea is perfect,

and we should call it "The Jennings Cup."

This healthy approach to Father's Day is appealing to me

because normally, we go to a restaurant,

maybe, like a steakhouse and celebrate and eat a ton of food.

I think it's really cool that we're doing something else,

we're staying active.

And no matter what we do for Father's Day,

the event is all about Dad and making him happy,

and really showing him our gratitude for being an amazing father.

We need some sort of trophy or something to win for the one person that excels.

I feel like I'm going to be the loser.

[Griffen] That's not confident.

Why? You're, like, one of the most competitive people I know.

-So you could win. -I've lost my competitive nature over the years.

-[Sander] That is not true, either. -No, it's not true.

-Competitive. -Sometimes.

[Griffen] It's there.

I really don't like seeing Jazz struggle with confidence.

We can bring it out of her. It's just hard.

[Ari] Nice, Griff.

Okay, okay!

Fat bitch can still do this [bleep]

[Griffen] I liked what you guys did, way too much.

Yo, guys, I'm still clapping. That was great, Jazz.

That was great.

[Ari] We know Jazz wants this.

But it's a behavior that has taken possession of her.

She needs a lot of help.

But we believe in her.

The moment that Jazz can realize how confident we are in her,

she'll start becoming more confident herself.

-That was really good. -I got that one point. That was great.

[Ari] Honestly, we put up a fight.

-I think it needs to be longer, longer, longer. -[Sander] It's great, Griff.

Just longer. Make sure it's not crooked.

-[Sander] It is a little crooked. -[Jazz] Oh, my God!

What are you guys doing?

[chuckles] It almost fell over.

-[gasps] -[Griffen] What do you think, Jazz?

We've been working hard on this.

[Sander] It's a perfect trophy for the Jennings Cup.

I mean, it looks like it was crafted by two non-artistic people.

-Think you could've done better? -Yes.

-[Griffen] Yes? -Mmm-hmm.

[Jazz] Sander and Griffen are incredible athletes,

but when it comes to art, they're just missing a bone for it.

[chuckles] Is that even a thing?

I just made it up.

Make sense though. They don't have the art-bone.

[Sander] So Jazz, can I get your thoughts on something that I'm thinking of doing?

-Okay. -An idea to,

one, bridge the gap between the LGBTQ+ community and allies,

and two, help create a great community type atmosphere for everyone, including you.

Trying to get you out there and meeting some new people.

So the idea is to kinda host a mixer,

and invite people from the community and any allies

to come and join and just to come, hang out.

Hopefully, we'll have some people and maybe, we'll make some new friends.

When you say "mixer," is it like a dating mixer

-or just a hangout mixer? -[Sander] Hang out mixer.

So it's going to be a bunch...

[Sander] Anything that gets Jazz out of bed, being active,

and feeling like she's not in her head, thinking, is a good thing.

She needs to meet new people, make new friends.

And hopefully, that will distract her

from all the urges and cravings that she has with food.

So it's going to be a bunch of people gathered in one room,

-just kinda meeting one another? -[Sander] Hanging, mingling.

You would have to give me some more details about

what exactly my participation would be in it.

I was thinking, maybe provide an opportunity for people to ask questions

and get answers from us.

I think doing that in person, in front of people,

would be super inspiring and educational.

And I'll moderate it.

You don't have to do much, except for, be yourself.

Of course, be myself. That's a given.

Have I never not been myself?

-He wants you to be social. -I want you to be social.

We've invited you to the beach,

we've invited you to do these things,

and usually, you say no,

'cause you don't feel comfortable in those situations.

This one, I'm telling you now,

if you're uncomfortable,

you're gonna have to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

I do get in my head a little bit, especially in social situations.

Also, I am a little apprehensive

because I have, like, almost a pounds more than I had.

And I don't want to have to worry about feeling awkward or stared at weirdly.

So not only is Sander's event for the LGBTQ community and allies,

but it's also gonna just help you get used to being social again.

I can probably say that this event that you go to,

is going to to be very similar to some sort of mixer or something you go to

right when you get to college.

[Jazz] Sander and Griffen really want me to go to this mixer.

I think they've seen me isolate a lot in my life,

and they just want me to put myself out there.

But every time I am interacting with someone,

I just want to keep my smiley face on,

I have to hold it together.

And it's hard sometimes, because you're not always feeling that.

So, I don't know. I'm not sure what's going to happen.

We have a set of competitions that we're holding for Father's Day.

Gunny sack racing. Everyone pick a sack.

[Jazz] Guy, I can't fit. I literally don't fit in the sack.

[Griffen] Jazz looks a bit uncomfortable in the potato sack,

probably because she's a little big.

Watermelon for free!

This looks a little fishy.

-That's all I got to say. -What's going on over here?

[all] Welcome to The Jennings Cup.

-Yeah! -The Jennings Cup.

Any outing with the family to me is special.

[Jacky] But hopefully, nothing that physical

because I've no physical ability.

I can bowl, I can golf.

Any other sports we've come up against?

Anything where you don't have to move your legs, you do fine.

We have a set of competitions that we're holding for Father's Day,

and whoever wins, wins the Jennings Cup trophy.

I'm all about the competition.

We're really kind of a competitive family.

So it's just going to get the competitive juices flowing.

Not everybody is competitive in this family. [laughs]

That's 'cause you would never win.

-Ooh... Them's big fighting words. -That was mean.

-[Jeanette] Meanie. -[chuckling] Just kidding.

Yeah, so us kids, we decided that we'd rather do something different,

something more fun,

So we're going to eat watermelon instead of, like, unhealthy crap.

I've actually been in an eating contest before,

where I scarfed down a bunch of donuts.

[Ari] Didn't you throw up then?

-No, that was the practice round. -[chuckling]

I'm going to set the stopwatch for two minutes.

Everyone, when you hear it ring, stop eating,

or else you are disqualified and you get zero points.

All right. Three, two, one, eat!

[laughing] Why am I sitting next to dad?

I was next to dad and he was making the craziest, slurpiest noises

that I've ever heard in my life.

He's like a vacuum.

My mom's spitting out the watermelon next to me.

Like, it's just like falling all over me and her.

Watermelon... [mumbles]

[Griffen] seconds!

[laughing]

[Jacky] Spitting out seeds, grunting and groaning,

that's all part of good, healthy get-down-and-dirty fun.

Well, this family can be earthy at times.

Very earthy.

I looked at Greg. He's playing it like a harmonica.

Like in one of those cartoons.

Done, done, done, done, done, done!

What's up!

-Wow! -I don't know.

I don't think you ate that much.

-What do you mean? -[Griffen] Dad's looks like it's indented.

-So yummy. -I did pretty good.

I mean, it's kinda hard to get your face that low down

into a big watermelon like that.

Oh, wait, Grandma's still eating.

-We have a cheater. -It's a good one.

All right, guys, well, I think we officially have a winner.

And it's not because it's Father's Day, but Dad!

-Yes! Thank you! -[all applauding]

Realistically speaking, no one really knows who won this competition,

but we gave my dad the edge.

I'm pretty sure Dad's watermelon was double the size of yours,

and he got just as deep into his, as you got into yours.

-That's not true. -That makes him the winner.

On to the next event. Let's do it.

All right, guys, this is our next competition.

Gunny sack racing. Everyone pick a sack.

[Jeanette] Sander is competing for the win here.

Wait a minute. Your grandma and I are sharing this sack.

No, no. Everybody gets his own sack.

'Cause I've been wanting to get her in the sack for a long time.

Old news!

All right, so we all need to get in a straight line facing that way,

and then we need to race to the cones.

First one to the cones gets eight points.

How about a cheerleader?

Do I qualify?

So you're going to be our cheerleader?

So you need to go to the end of the cones over there,

and you need to tell us who wins.

[Jacky] Okay, that's what I want to do.

[Jazz] Grandma Jacky sits out the potato sack race, which is understandable.

But Grandpa Jack is still participating.

And it's pretty incredible for someone in their mid-s to do stuff like this

and keep up with everyone else.

And then, here I am,

I can't run as fast as I used to,

I can't do certain things athletically that I used to be able to do.

So I'm not looking forward to be huffing and puffing,

but I know that I need it, and that it's good for my body and health.

All right, Dad, if you can do everyone a favor

-and everyone can-- -[Jazz] Guys, I can't fit!

I literally don't fit in the sack.

[Griffen] You're just going to have to do it however you can.

[Jazz grunts] It's doesn't go over my butt.

Jazz looks a bit uncomfortable in the potato sack,

probably because she's a little big.

That's a lot of the reason why it's so important to motivate her.

So that she looks and feels good.

-Ready, set... -Ready.

Go!

Yay!

Sander keep hopping!

I'm more into melons than sacks,

-but I think I have this game in the bag. -[all chuckling]

[Ari] I'm done with you.

-[Griffen chuckles] -I'm done.

[Ari] Jazzy's cheating!

[Jazz] My bag is falling to the floor,

my boobs are shaking up and down,

my stomach is being revealed, and you can see belly bob...

[Sander] You guys can do it!

...which is not cute.

[Jacky] Greg, this way.

I'd b*at the hell out of them.

[Jacky] Come on, Sander!

[all cheering]

[Jacky] Griffen, number two place.

Bringing up the rear, Greg!

It's much harder than it used to be.

-[Jeanette] You okay, baby? -[Jackie] Are you all right?

[Jeanette] You're looking a little piqued.

-You nauseous? -[Jazz] I feel fine.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Things just used to be so much easier.

It was more fun, I was able to enjoy things more.

Now it's like everything, even walking and breathing,

is more difficult than it was before.

I just let myself slip a lot.

-[Griffen] Can you tell everyone who won? -[Jacky] Oh, yeah.

Number one, Sander!

-Let's hear it for Sander. -[all applauding]

[all cheering]

There's no interpretation there, folks.

You guys were awesome. You guys were really hopping.

-And it is much harder than I remember it to be. -Ah-ha!

-So we're doing good. -[Ari] We're doing good.

[Jazz] My dad means so much to me.

He has been the pillar of strength for our family,

and has helped guide us to get to where we are today.

I remember one time, I looked at him and I was like,

"Dad, you know you're the man, right?"

He's like, "I know."

Come on!

We came up with this idea called the vision square

where we're all gonna come together and help bring something of value to you.

I don't know.

-Jazz! -[Griffen] We want you to be healthy.

Jazz, this is about you.

[Jazz] It does feel like I'm being put on the spot,

having my siblings talk at me, instead of to me.

[groans] I love this couch.

Hello!

Jazz really needs to start pushing towards this healthier life.

So hopefully, with the help of this vision square,

she's gonna start really reaching visions and goals

by being consistent with these things.

[Sander] I've seen how she reacts to some really negative comments.

I am a little bit worried of how she'll respond.

-Hello. -[Ari chuckles]

I think us, as siblings, we need to talk.

[Jazz] About what?

[Griffen] We're really looking out for you,

and we came up with this idea called the vision square,

where we're all going to come together and help bring something of value to you,

so that you can be a happier and healthier version of yourself.

We kind of have something of value to provide to you

that we think we're the best at as siblings.

Like, Ari, clearly, nutrition.

She knows her nutrition and she can help you with your nutrition.

And I am the fitness/empowerment dude.

I will be focused on making sure that you are working out

at least three times a week for minutes,

on top of walking every single night.

[Griffen] And you're certainly going to be eating nutritious and working out with him

because me and you, are making a schedule.

We're setting you a consistent routine.

It's one thing to be aware of what's going wrong,

like, not eating healthy, not working out enough,

but it's another thing to actually take action.

And to take daily and consistent action.

[Jazz] It does feel like I'm being put on the spot,

having my siblings talk at me, instead of to me.

And I know that everyone wants to help out,

but it's just such a personal struggle to break this cycle of negativity.

Our vision square, it's not like ultimately the goal to get you to school,

it's just to get you healthy.

[Griffen] And trust me, doing thing each day to get better,

that is the way you get to your visions and goals.

That is how you get to school,

that's how you start socializing.

-Everything will come together-- -Guys!

I really, really want to get to school this year.

Obviously, I have to do things for myself,

but when I think about Mom and Dad,

like, I just want to make them so, so proud,

like, in everything that I do.

I know that the only thing that I need to do to make them proud

is to go to college, go to Harvard and graduate.

-[Ari] Jazz! -No, that's the wrong answer.

-Jazz! -[Griffen] We want you to be healthy.

If Jazz doesn't get healthy, it's going to be a rough life, regardless.

If Jazz doesn't go to Harvard, it's not the end of the world.

You don't have to please anybody else, but yourself.

[Jazz] Well, what's going to happen if I don't go to school?

Just gonna lay around like a log.

[Griffen] No, you're still going to be doing this vision square,

and making sure you go to school the next semester.

-[Ari] Do what's right for you. -I know.

I just think that's what's going to bring them happiness.

No, but it's not about that.

I don't care about myself and what makes me happy.

I live for others, I guess.

[Griffen] No!

Maybe you should talk to your therapist about that.

-[Ari] Probably. -[Griffen] You definitely live for others.

Do you ever talk about that with them?

How you wake up every day to please other people?

[Jazz] It's confusing. I don't know.

[Griffen] There's a difference between impacting others,

and living your life to please others.

I'm not gonna lie and say, like, I don't want to make Mom and Dad proud.

Like, I've caused them so much pain,

that I want to make them proud.

-I don't know. -Of course, but don't live to make others proud.

Honestly, I don't know if this vision square's going to work or not.

When it comes to this weight loss,

it almost feels impossible right now,

because my addiction has such a strong hold over me right now.

I want this for myself, I'm selfish, and let me get my food.

I can promise you, there is no time better than now to make this happen.

You have all your siblings around you,

supporting you, loving you and propelling you towards these goals.

It just feels like this is an opportunity for me to let down my siblings again.

'Cause they're trying so hard, and I just don't know if I can deliver.

[Sander] All right, guys, here we are!

Do you guys think this is where we're going to set up the food?

-[Jazz] Yes. -Okay.

Having this mixer will be a great experience for Jazz before going off for college,

because she hasn't been social in a really long time.

Griffen's going to be in-charge of the iPad

where we're doing the Instagram live.

And this guy's going to be in-charge of TikTok live.

Me and Ari are here to help, so that means, if we need to answer--

If we need to end the Q&A early for any reason,

I'll let you know and be like, "Sander, I'm just kind of getting in my head,

and I'm not feeling this.

Like, can we stop?"

I mean, it's been a couple of years since I've held a microphone

and spoke in front of an audience of people, so.

-Just be you. -It's okay.

I think the main reason why you shouldn't be worried

is 'cause everyone here is here to support and to mix,

and to get to know each other, and to love.

I know that doing this mixer is good for me 'cause it gets me out of the house,

I get to meet new people.

Let's set things up. Let's go.

-Make sure everything's set up. -Make this fun.

[Jazz] However, I've been through a lot, and it's been really hard.

It can take a toll.

I'm not going to lie and say that a part of me doesn't wish that I was home right now.

Yeah, let's do it.

Testing. Testing.

We've got the transgender flag, we got a peace pride flag.

I think there's a lot more in here, too.

[Jazz] People are coming.

-[Jazz] Hello! -[Sander] Hi, everybody!

[Jazz] It's going to be hard to get my mojo back,

because I haven't socialized with people in a while.

-Hello, hello. -Hi!

-Nice to meet you. -Hello, I'm Griffen. Nice to meet you.

Anytime someone shows up, just for you,

it's like, okay, I want to deliver and be amazing, and make them happy.

And I don't want to disappoint anyone.

When my wife came out as male to female,

Jazz, your show, it did so much for us to understand

that it's not something to be scared of.

-I want to give you both a hug. -You've helped me so much.

[Jazz] Double hug.

There's plenty. Do you want a water?

Yeah.

[Jazz] Nice to meet you.

I see someone that I know.

-[Jazz] Hello! You made it! -Hey, how's it going?

-How are you? I'm so glad you came. -Good. How are you?

How's everything with the nipples? Are they okay?

Good. I'm healing. I'm healing.

You're healing? Good. Good.

[Griffen] Welcome!

-[Griffen] Welcome! Welcome to the mixer. -[Sander] Oh, look who it is!

[Jazz] Well, hello! Hi!

Oh, my goodness! It's been so long!

...Nice to meet you.

I didn't know you were coming at all!

-Really? I mean, I'm here. -Mmm-hmm.

So Victoria, I had a little fling with, a couple of years back.

I'm definitely more physically attracted to girls, mentally and physically.

[Jazz] I just feel like that mutual attraction is present.

We never really got into it.

We haven't kissed or we haven't been intimate in any way,

and today, I just call her a friend.

So you're a senior at UCF now?

-[Jazz] Are you graduated? -No, I was a junior and I graduated.

Okay! I still haven't even started college.

-[Victoria] That's okay. -But I am planning on starting this fall.

[Jazz] She introduces me to her girlfriend, Mads.

She seems really, really nice.

But the first thing I notice is she is strikingly beautiful.

So, I do feel a little insecure,

you know, because I'm not in the best shape right now.

But I'm just happy that, you know, they found each other.

Where is my girlfriend?

Can everybody hear me loud and clear?

-Can I get an A-O? -[all] A-O!

We are going to jump into our Q&A.

Jazz and I are going to answer questions.

We've been doing a lot of Q&As online,

and everyone loves them.

So today, I want to provide a safe space for all these people to ask questions,

to get answers from Jazz and I in person.

I told him I didn't want to use the mic.

You can use it very lightly.

And for Jazz, it's my job as a brother to really give her a little nudge

and be like, "Hey, let's put yourself out there."

Yeah.

Going into the Q&A, I am really, really nervous.

It's been a while since I've spoken in front of a crowd.

And I'm just such a perfectionist,

I always want it to be great and perfect.

Jazz, you want to come up here and start this?

-I'm coming! -Whoo!

[all cheering]

[Jazz] I'm worried that I'm gonna shake and freak out.

I don't know.

Hopefully, it goes well, but still, you never know.

We are live on TikTok. Griffen, we live on Instagram?

We are going to be live on Instagram in three, two and one.

You are live.

All right, so does anyone have a question?

[Jazz] You.

Jazz, I saw on social media yesterday, that you reached a big milestone.

That it was three years post op.

So does it live up to everything

that you've fantasized about for all those years?

It definitely lives up to everything that I fantasized for so many years of my life.

I asked my mom, "When is the good fairy gonna wave her magic wand

and change my penis into a vag*na?"

And it was my dream to undergo this surgery even from that young age.

Even though I did experience a huge complication,

I feel like I finally have the body that I've always wanted,

and I have that mind-body alignment that just wasn't there before.

I feel like I'm complete.

-[all applauding] -Yes.

Body-positivity is always a running subject.

What do you do to help with that,

to help motivate yourself if you have a good or a bad day?

I honestly feel beautiful every shape and size.

Like, I love my body the way it is.

But I will say,

I am trying to lose weight for health reasons.

I have to feel good, too.

And I don't feel good with some of the foods that I've been eating.

And so, I really am working on this weight loss so that I can be healthier,

and just, more me.

All right, Noah.

Do you get frustrated that people ask so many questions about your sexuality,

and they can't differentiate your sexuality from your sister's gender identity?

It doesn't really bother me when someone's like, "Hey, are you gay?"

Like, I've gotten it some many times, it's just become repetitive.

But like, back in the day,

I let it bring me down and make me kind of question myself.

But then when I look to myself in the mirror, I'm just like,

"I know what my attraction is to."

I've found that confidence and I've shared that in videos.

And I'm sharing that here today with all you guys.

Probably my first time doing it in like, a live, live forum,

-so appreciate you guys for that. -[crowd cheering]

[all applauding]

I identify as cisgender and heterosexual.

But not a day goes by that people do not question my sexuality,

ask me if I'm gay or anything like that.

To all the cisgender, heterosexual allies out there,

anyone questioning your sexuality shouldn't make you question yourself.

What's your biggest source of motivation?

[crowd] Aw!

-[all applauding] -[Jazz] My family.

I think, for me, just knowing how much my family has loved

and supported me throughout the years,

they have helped me develop into the person I am today.

And I just wanna, like, give back to them in every way possible.

[all applauding]

[Sander] The night is not over.

There are still photobooths,

there is mixing, there is mingling, there is food.

If anybody wants to say "What's up" on the TikTok Live before I end it.

-[Jazz] Come, Victoria. -Everyone mix and mingle.

And everyone, give a round of applause for Sander and Jazz!

Yeah!

So what's up, everyone?

I'm really proud of you for putting yourself out there at the mixer.

Thanks.

[Ari] Because I know, you don't often socialize,

and when you do, it's a big thing for you to do.

-And I'm proud of you for doing it. -Thank you.

Smile, everybody!

I was a little bit intimidated at the beginning of the Q&A.

But this was a really positive gathering,

and I did get a little bit better and more comfortable as I talked with everyone.

-All right, everyone, say "Cheese!" -[all] Cheese!

[Jazz] And I was able to just be myself,

have a good time, meet new people.

I'm just really, really excited and happy that we put this together,

and that it was successful.

[Griffen] That was officially everyone mixing.

That's beautiful!

Nice to meet you. Come on in.

Have you ever met with a dietician before?

-Never. -[dietician] No. Okay.

I do eat breakfast that's fast-food.

Maybe a donut or two, and then maybe, two bagels.

I've gotten like three hash browns and four hot cakes.

My goal for you is to be able to be around these foods,

and not feel threatened by them.

[Jacky] She's not ready for deprivation.

[Sander] Good morning!

Hope is a transwoman that I met online a few months ago.

It's about time that we actually hang out and do something fun.

Let's do it.

[Sander] I can date who I wanna date,

and still be comfortable with my sexuality.

[Ari] No. You need to chill right now.

No. You need to chill. Leave it right there.

-[Ari] You're not eating it. -[Jazz] You're always like, doing that.

[Griffen] She's in-charge of your nutrition.

The siblings, all coming at once, bombarding me.

-Is anyone eating right now? -I wasn't gonna eat anything, though.

[Jazz] It makes me feel really humiliated.