07x05 - Breaking the Cycle

[bunniefuu]

-Hello! Meet me and my best friend. -Oh, my God!

[Jazz]Previously onI Am Jazz,

I don't want to but if I gained weight

-then, maybe that will motivate me. -Oh, Jazz!

..

[Jeanette]The needle has not moved,

she's still at .

And I'm so sad for her.

It's a big old belly.

Here's the side view, it's really bad.

It's time to commence this journey,

it's time to begin this weight loss

but I do think it's going to be very challenging.

All right, it is posted.

[woman] Jazz, this is Noah.

This is my rockstar patient.

Noah is a -year-old transgender man

and today, we're gonna do his top surgery revision.

All right, Noah!

Do you get frustrated that people ask

so many questions about your sexuality

and they can't differentiate your sexuality

from your sister's gender identity.

We really are looking out for you

and we came up with this idea called the vision square

where we're all gonna come together and help bring

something of value to you.

It's not like, ultimately the goal to get you to school

it's just to get you healthy.

Well, what's gonna happen if I don't go to school?

I'm just gonna lay around like a log.

It is such a personal struggle

to break this cycle of negativity,

so I don't know if this vision square is gonna work or not.

[Jazz exclaims]

-All right, here comes the people. -Ari, catch.

[Jazz exclaims]

Come on in, come on in.

[Sander] Let's play some kickball.

[Jazz] Kickball time!

Hello, welcome!

It's good seeing you both here.

I've been working the past few years

to become more mentally stable

and independent and ready to get to Harvard.

Nice, I want her on my team.

So, I'm excited to have fun

and hang out with some of the friends

we met at the mixer.

Okay. So, Griffen and I are gonna be

captains out here today.

Them four, on your team.

-Oh we're already split up, it's perfect. -Look at that.

Perfect.

-[Griffen] Batter's up! -[Sander] Batter's up!

We're gonna b*at you all.

I'm hoping that playing kickball is just kind of like,

kick in the butt and it puts me in the right direction

and it makes me want to work out and stay more active.

Hey, you losers! Ready to start?

Hey, not to intimidate you guys, but!

Let's go!

Throw those balls!

[Griffen] All right, get in here. Nice!

[Jazz exclaims]

[all exclaiming]

Nice.

-You're out. -[Griffen] Oh, come on, Sander.

You have to catch them before they get to the base.

That's how you get them out.

She doesn't know the rules, explain the rules then.

That's not fun!

You're a bad coach.

Sander, even your own teammate is saying that

she touched it already.

Okay, we'll let her be safe!

[Jazz]Sander and Griffen are definitely the most

competitive when it comes to kickball.

They are mega athletes.

Go, Misty!

-[Griffen] Nice! -[all exclaiming]

[Jazz] Sander is too good. [chuckles]

Casually catches it with one hand.

Jazz, we're gonna need you to get on base probably.

However, they can't count me out.

I think they dismiss me

now that I've gained so much weight

but I'm pretty competitive too.

It's not just the boys.

[Griffen] Catch it if you can!

Oh!

No.

-[Griffen] Go, go, go! -[Jazz] Run, run, run!

Yeah, boy!

[Ari] No, no, no.

Jazz, go.

Damn, Jazz!

[Jazz]I'm definitely having a really hard time

running from one base to the next.

I took it for granted when I was thinner.

Now, having all this extra weight,

I can't do so many incredible things with my body

that I used to be able to do.

All right, two out it is -.

So, feel like it's almost like motivation,

it's time for me to change,

and do everything that I've been saying

that I'm going to do.

Griffen, get their base.

[Griffen] You got it, you got it. There we go.

[all cheering]

[Ari] Good game, everyone!

That was all your out, you got her out.

We put a valiant effort out there.

[all exclaiming]

Jazz's competitive nature definitely does push her

beyond her current physical capabilities.

[Griffen] That's a start but we need her to be

doing that everyday,

we need her to be eating nutritious everyday.

How did you feel physically while running the bases?

I did run quite a bit

and I huffed and puffed a little bit

but I'm so glad that I'm just even able to run today.

A few years ago, I was like,

I don't even know if I'll be able to run again

because I got a revision surgery

couple months later after my initial operation.

-You probably know about revision. -Yeah.

It's nice to get out and play today after my revision and like,

you know, being able to be shirtless for the first time.

I was there for his revision surgery.

I was in the office

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't meet that many people who love being shirtless as much as I do.

I always wanted to play skins as a kid, you know.

And so, today was like, a childhood dream lived out.

-[all applauding] -I'm glad I got to be your teammate.

[Noah]Since having top surgery,

it's just an amazing feeling

to go out and just feel the sweat

pouring down my actual body, feeling the sun on my back.

Things that I never really appreciated before,

just completely saw them in a different light today.

For you, like, for a while

you really couldn't take off your shirt.

[Noah] years.

[Sander] years, you couldn't really take off

your shirt to feel comfortable.

- years. -[Sander] Yeah, years.

Sander, years of you not being able

to take your shirt off.

You wouldn't have made it, dude.

Hearing your experience makes me recognize

the significance of that.

And I definitely think there is, we can really share

powerful messages through the power of social media

and I think it will be a great idea

if we collaborated on something.

I mean, like, I know a lot of people

follow you because of Jazz

and it's not all transwomen there following you,

so I think it would be great for them to get some advice

from somebody like me and see that you support

not just transwomen but transmen as well.

And I think, even just talking about the experience of it,

both of those two different avenues,

there's multiple opportunities to collab.

These videos can help so many people

and that's what it's all about.

[Noah] It's all about helping.

[Jazz]Sander is the biggest ally of the LGBTQ+ community.

He's so passionate about making short term videos

to promote as much change as he can on social media.

And seeing him light up,

just makes me feel good inside.

-Shake on it. -[Sander] Whenever you're free, let's shake on it.

Hello, beautiful lady!

I love this outfit today.

-My bell bottoms? -[Jazz] Yeah, you look super cute.

So, grandma, what's going on with you and your car?

I know you have an appointment,

so I'm perfectly fine driving you around.

[Jacky]Somehow or other when parking is tight

and there is a pole, a pole hits me.

[Jazz]A pole hits you or you hit the pole?

[Jacky]No, at this point, I say a pole hits me.

As long as I get to spend more time with you.

Well, that's the whole thing, it's the quality of the time

-and that we have an opportunity. -Yes.

That's why you moved down here so we can spend as much time as possible.

[Jacky] I know.

What I've learned most from my Grandma,

is to have a good listening ear.

She has been always the one talking

but she's always listening.

Looking at somebody and talking to somebody

-it's a balance. -It is, yes.

You never learn anything if you never

shut your mouth and listen though.

You know I've been struggling with my weight for a while.

I keep gaining and gaining weight

and now, it's time for me take steps in the right direction.

Why now, Jazz?

[Jazz] I wanna go to college and just like,

feel free from my body,

like my body is like a cage right now.

and I feel on the inside I'm a little bit broken,

like my spirit has been shattered a little bit

by all that I've been through.

[Jacky]Watching Jazz explode in this eating department

is very, very difficult.

Both Jack and I have learned

to just say nothing.

We don't wanna alienate her,

we don't wanna give her opinions,

we're on the sidelines.

Have you ever struggled with your weight or no?

All my life.

-All your life? -Mmm-hmm.

-Just about. -Wow.

[Jacky] In early adolescence,

Mom and Dad decided I needed to be smaller.

So, I was given bad medication,

I guess what they call uppers

and that's how my weight was controlled.

I don't think my father wanted to make

a drug addict out of me but he did.

And for a very long time.

I didn't know that.

And then, the whistle was blown on me by your Grandpa.

He threw the pills down the drain

and I had to cold turkey.

I was not an overweight youngster

and I had a mother that called me, "A fat pig."

And that is not good.

You never really get out from under that baggage.

It echoes in my head.

And I don't want anybody handling you the wrong way.

-You have to find your route. -Mmm-hmm.

I'm now in charge,

no one's gonna tell me or feed me anything,

I'm gonna do what I want to do.

And I actually feel better that's why I brought that out too.

I feel awful if I stuff myself.

I didn't know any of this.

Yeah, well, it's a real story.

It's devastating to hear

that Grandma's family put her on diet pills as a kid.

Hearing from Grandma makes me realize

that we both have this battle with food.

I need to break free, I need to cut, sever the ties

with my relationship to food and not care for it anymore.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, what's up? How is it going?

Fancy seeing you with a shirt on, bro.

-I know, man. -This is my cat, Leo.

Hi, Leo!

[Sander] Leo's very friendly.

We're gonna go to the content creation room.

[Noah] All right, where all the magic happens.

[Sander] Where we're about to make magic happen.

This is where I've been sh**ting a lot of my videos and everything,

so I figured, "Why don't we do it right here?"

And transgender flag is in a perfect spot too

and the progress.

[Noah] Yeah, love the wall of pride.

[Sander]My journey as an ally

came from a place of being a strong supporter for Jazz

because there's not a lot of support from people

who don't identify within the LGBTQ+ community.

I'm trying to create a safe space

and also collaborate with other LGBTQ+ creators

who want to get their story out there.

So, first, maybe like a transition to just

engage people right off the bat.

Just be like, "I love being shirtless."

And you can jump in, like you jump and we switch.

But not a day goes by that people do not

question my sexuality,

ask me if I'm gay or anything like that.

It bothered me a long time ago

but I know who I am and I really do care about this.

All right, shirt's off.

See how ladies are making those abs look, you know.

I was pretty sure that Sander would love hanging out with Noah

because Noah has a lot of followers in TikTok

and Sander's all about making TikToks.

And I just feel like they'll connect,

like, I can see them having a little bromance.

"Yo, bro! Yo, bro!"

Actually, I can't see Noah calling anyone bro.

[chuckles]

I was assigned male at birth.

I was assigned female at birth.

So, what you wanna do is step to the side,

so that people see you.

So, we're both in equal framing instead of you behind.

-That makes sense. -Okay.

The concept of the video between Noah and I

is that transmen are men

and deserve to be treated like any other man.

Even though, Noah was assigned female at birth,

that does not make him less of a man than me

and that's the point we're trying to make in this video.

Here we go.

I was assigned male at birth.

I was assigned female at birth.

My pronouns are he, him.

My pronouns are he, him.

It's not okay to ask me what's in my pants.

It's not okay to ask me what's in my pants.

It is okay for me to not wear a shirt.

It's okay for me to not wear a shirt.

-We are both men. -We are both men.

-Cool, do you think we got it? -I like it.

[Sander] Okay.

Even though, Noah and I don't know each other that well,

we have similar interests

and this video combines a lot of topics

that I have put into videos before.

But never when it's coming from someone

in the community sharing.

What about you though, I haven't gotten to--

You know my family, you met some of my family

but what about your family?

I'm close with my Mom.

-What about siblings? -[Noah] I have siblings

but when I came out,

like most of my family just cut me off.

So, I didn't have anywhere to go,

I didn't have anyone to talk to,

all I had was the idea of who I wanted to be

and who I knew I was inside.

-Really? -[Noah] I was homeless.

[Sander] Wow, so you were homeless,

like living on the streets actually?

-[Noah] Yeah. -For how long?

About a year.

Wow!

It's not an easy choice to leave your family,

it's not easy choice to give up on everything

and you don't know where are you gonna end up.

You sharing your story and you being so open and authentic

is so powerful.

You know, it literally goes both ways,

so like, from y'all sharing your story,

it helped me regain connection with my Mom

and have a little slice of my family like,

my Mom came down for my top surgery and helped me recover

and I never thought in a million years

that that would happen, so.

Maybe, one of your siblings will see this video

and be like, "You know what"--

At this point, it's that I've been in this for so long

at this point I feel like it's their loss.

I mean, if I could--

-Yeah. -And I don't think here is a pretty bad place to be.

I think anybody would be lucky to be a part of my life.

[Sander] Can I have a hug, bro?

[Noah]Having Sander call me a bro is amazing

because I don't know if there's a measurement

for how far I've come.

Just even hearing the word, brother from somebody

who I know, genuinely means it meant the world to me.

Collaborating and stuff like that,

it felt like, you were my brother, like it felt good.

It felt like memories that I'll never forget.

Woah, you got a brother in me, bro.

You're gonna put me in tears now, I don't cry a lot,

I haven't cried for a year.

-I cried over a girl. -[Noah chuckles]

How has it been dating for you.

There's so much that goes into it

because I knew that I liked girls.

But then once I started my transition,

I ended up dating transwomen,

who understood like,

they literally understood my journey.

But now that I'm finally in a body

that I feel comfortable with, I'm dating a cis girl.

That is super cool.

I made videos where I talked about that I'd be open

to dating a transgender woman.

And it comes with that.

When people were calling me gay

and saying that, "Sander, you must be gay,

you would date a transwoman."

It made me feel, like, uncomfortable

but now I don't care if people wanna question my sexuality

and I've definitely had interest in transwomen.

Do you know who Hope Giselle is?

-Mmm-hmm. -Recently, we've become closer friends

and like, she was being a little flirty

and she was like, "I hope I'm not making you unc--."

I'm like, "You're not making me uncomfortable."

Like, it's okay if you flirt with me and give me compliments.

Hope is a black transwoman that I met online.

We were both doing advocacy work on social media.

And we just have so much passions that align

but I never met her in person.

I've reached this age where I'm definitely trying

to create an emotional connection first

and I just feel like we have common ground.

She always seems like she's smiling.

My dating life has definitely been a rocky road.

I haven't had a girlfriend for five years

and I really wanna find that special someone.

Yeah, it does sound like you guys have a lot in common.

Like, yeah, you two might not hit it off

but I mean, you would never know

and won't have those memories,

you won't have that opportunity

if you don't take the chance.

[Sander]Noah says, don't let a good opportunity go to waste

and so, maybe I'll give it a chance.

[Jeanette] What are you guys fighting about?

I like, specifically put the pasta aside

'cause we're not eating yet, right.

I made a little bowl with butter.

[Ari] I don't what she's putting on it. I don't care.

-I took this tiny little butter. -But that's not the plan.

Ari, she seems to be quiet

but she can be a bossy bitch sometimes.

Leo!

Pss! Hey!

Get in here!

[door closes]

[Jazz] I think I heard your struggle

of Leo trying to get outside.

-Is it a cat toy? -No, it's a foot massager.

-[Jeanette] It is? It's gross. -[Jazz] Let me show you.

-You never knew that? -Uh-uh.

-Thought it was a cat toy? -Yeah.

-[Jazz] I'm bringing this blanket. -That blanket smells like cat.

It does?

It probably needs a good washing.

So, how've you been?

-How you been? -[Jazz] I've been good.

You know I drove Grandma Jacky around

'cause she needed a chauffer

to get her to her appointment

and I learned some interesting things.

-About your grandmother? -[Jazz] That I never knew about Grandma before.

I asked her if she struggles with weight issues,

she said she's been battling her whole life

with her weight.

And her parents put her on diet pills

and slimmed her down.

-Did you know she was on pills? -Yes.

-[Jazz] You did? -Mmm-hmm.

You have to remember, there's a dynamic that she had parents

that never said, I love you.

And favored her older brother

and treated her like a second class citizen.

So, she was rejected by them

and then they told her she was fat

and gave her pills, so, I mean,

-that's a hard way to grow up. -[Jazz] It's sad.

[Jeanette] She didn't even go to her mother's funeral,

like she never felt loved.

When my Mom told me about the diet pills,

I do remember being angry at her parents

and thinking to myself,

"Always wanted all my kids to be happy."

You know, don't fat shame anybody.

Jazz knows that I don't approve of the way

she's eating and the way it's making her body look.

But I'm trying not to make Jazz feel bad about herself,

so it's a very dicey situation.

I'm like, walking on eggshells throughout the whole thing.

I knew that she had a weight thing,

when she came down on me about my weight.

I was really skinny when I went away to college.

But then, you start packing on the pounds in college.

-Freshman . -[Jeanette] Freshman !

So, my butt got bigger, my belly got bigger,

my mother took me suit shopping

for my first real job

and she told me that she couldn't believe

that I had ballooned up to a size ten.

Shortly thereafter,

I started getting into my weight journey

which was a nightmare for me.

And I'll be the first to admit,

I have absolute weight and food crazies.

But my craziness, nobody even sees my craziness

'cause it's with the scale, it's bad.

Every single day, twice a day?

Oh, three times a day?

-Four? -Anytime I'm in the bathroom.

Anytime I'm in the bathroom.

-[Jazz] Mom, that's so bad. -Mmm-hmm.

Between my Mom looking at the scale every five minutes

and my Grandma struggling with diet pills in the past,

we have a major, major problem

because food has control over my family.

So, I think I wanna

go to a nutritionist.

And I want you and Grandmother to come too,

you know, that might inspire you.

We're gonna build a healthy relationship with food.

We got this. This is a lifestyle change.

[Jeanette]I want to believe that a nutritionist

is a great idea for Jazz

because I know that somebody like that could help Jazz.

You know it, you say it.

You talk the talk, now you gotta walk the walk.

But is Jazz willing to take the help?

Is she willing to listen to a nutritionist?

I'm very conflicted about my feelings

but it's worth a sh*t.

Let's see.

No participants yet.

Haven't had too many deep conversations

about anything other than advocacy

and ally-ship.

But there is a spark there.

I think we challenge each other

and that's attractive to me.

[ringing]

I was like, "That's not my picture where's my blazer?"

[Sander] Yeah, I was wondering the same thing,

I was like, "That's not Hope."

[Hope laughs]

Good morning, I love your necklaces.

Thank you, I actually got 'em from one of my friends.

That's awesome, mine's just from a local mall

at Venice Beach.

I'm super excited, you joined me online.

And every time we're talking or anything like that

either the word hope comes up, like, hopefully or hope or something like,

hope, hope, hope!

It's just such a cool name.

I'm a cool person, that's why I chose it

'cause I wanted to be on everybody's minds

at some point of the day.

And you can't go through the day

without hope, literally.

[Sander]Hope has just a good vibe

and she's glowing through the camera.

I feel like, we're just getting to know each other

and socializing at the same time which is cool.

True.

I mean, I'm so boring.

I'm like the most boring person in the world.

Fun fact, I really wanna go to Idaho.

I have no idea why, I just really wanna go there.

-[Hope laughs] -I wanna go to Copenhagen and I have no clue why either.

[chuckles] I don't like, I think the most social thing

that I end up doing, like, I go skating a lot.

I'm a movie person, like,

I go to the movies at least three times a week.

I'm that person.

I like things that are so simple

'cause I just don't like going out to the places

where I can't hear a conversation

or where we can't engage in a conversation.

A percent.

Not gonna lie, I don't agree on the movie part.

I don't like going to movies

because then there's no socialization.

Hope and I have never met.

And it just doesn't do you service,

just to do calls online

and continue doing social media events.

I wanna hang out with Hope in person.

You mention something about skating,

I'm a really bad skater but I love trying to skate

and I've actually been wanting to go ice skating for like, forever.

But I've asked girls on dates

and I've gotten turned down before.

So, I'm a little bit nervous.

I definitely think, it's about damn time

that we actually hang out and do something fun.

Let's do it!

I mean, I'm definitely here for that.

She says, yes. Obviously, I'm excited.

I've never dated a transwoman

but I know that I'm only attracted to women

and transwomen are women.

And Hope just has this radiant personality

and I wanna get to know her more.

I'm super excited.

Coolio, I'm going to bounce, I have to do some training.

-So, I'll talk to you later? -Okay, have fun.

-Peace. -Bye.

A typical morning's breakfast are what?

I usually get a large ice coffee,

maybe a doughnut or two and then, maybe two bagels,

three hash browns, hotcakes

or an egg McMuffin.

[Jacky]Jazz eats an enormous amount

and it's a little scary.

-Hello! -Hi!

Hey, Jazz!

-[Jazz] Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you. Come on in.

When it comes to visiting this nutritionist,

this visit isn't just gonna be a learning experience for me

but also for Grandma, Mom and Ari.

I'm really happy that all the ladies

of the family are joining me.

Because I could definitely use their support.

Make yourselves comfortable.

[Jazz]I'm going into it with an open mind

because I'm running out of time.

I only have two months before I go to Harvard

and I wanna be healthy.

So, Jazz, have you ever met with a dietician before?

-Never. -[Ryann] No, okay.

I'm a registered dietician focused on eating disorders.

That's like, my world and what I'm really good at.

Yeah, I definitely struggle with binge eating disorder.

I eat food in large quantities

and I feel regret or remorse after eating that amount of food

because it just makes me feel sick inside.

I just feel healthy.

Today's agenda is basically to collect

all the pieces to the puzzle

to Jazz's life.

So, I can help her break the cycle

of eating disorder symptoms.

-I'm gonna have you hop on my scale right over here. -Okay.

Hopefully, I didn't gain weight.

The last time I got weighed,

I weighed pounds.

Even if it's just three pounds, I'm gonna be upset.

[Ryann] ..

[Jazz]Never seen it that high before.

[Jacky]Hearing that number, which was a large number,

I don't judge her by that, I'm just shocked.

I don't wanna be like, [gasps]

But you know, I think it's very hard to contain the fact

that this is upsetting.

That she is going in the wrong direction.

Like, where are we going with this, are we going , ?

Like, how big can she get?

And she's just gonna get sicker and sicker.

I just keep gaining weight.

How does it make you feel?

[Jazz] Makes me feel really disappointed in myself.

It's like, why am I letting myself

get even further and further away from my goals,

like, I'm just going backwards not forwards.

Right.

Sometimes, that extra added focus on the weight

might cause more stress and anxiety

which you have been using

food to cope with those feelings and emotions.

I'm gonna just start going through

some of your information here.

So, a typical morning's breakfast

most days out of the week are what?

If I do eat breakfast, it's fast food.

So, I usually get a large ice coffee,

maybe a doughnut or two and then maybe two bagels.

One with butter, one with cream cheese.

And then, I've gotten like,

three hash browns before hotcakes

-or an egg McMuffin. -[Ryann] Okay.

My Mom cooks a lot and makes really healthy and yummy meals

and often times Jazz doesn't eat it.

It's hard to hear that she does that to herself

'cause I know it only hurts her.

[Ryann] In example of a lunch,

you wrote burger or chicken tenders with fries.

Mac and cheese, yup.

-Tends to be those kind of foods. -Okay.

[Jacky]Jazz eats an enormous amount.

It blows me away when I hear about the portions.

And it's a little scary.

I embrace her,

I don't embrace the body she's in.

So, when it comes to the treatment

of eating disorders, this is all about

talking about actually how you're feeling.

-[Jazz] Yeah. -And getting it out.

Even though I feel disgusted with myself

I still can't break the chain and break free from the cycle.

That's exactly what it is, it's breaking the cycle.

So, the structure is gonna be super helpful

and that's what we're gonna put in place for you,

we're gonna do some meal planning

and I'm going to blow your mind.

There's not gonna be one food

that I'm gonna tell you, you can't have.

-Wow. -My goal for you is to be able to be around these foods

and not feel threatened by them.

By restricting the food that is gonna

make her more vulnerable to a binge.

Well, I say, every time you restrict,

sign yourself up on the binge list

'cause that's what's gonna happen.

So, are each of these one serving?

-All of these are one serving. -[Jeanette] That's a lot.

It is a lot.

'Cause I'm looking at like, one pancake,

if she wanted to, she can have seven pancakes.

[Ryann] Well, you could!

Okay, think like, yes we could have seven pancakes, yes.

But does that sound healthy, well, no.

It's about variety and spacing it throughout the day.

Everything in moderation.

'Cause that's what she says every single day, all the time.

You're validating her right now.

[Ryann]The first session is always very exciting

because they realize that I'm not gonna put them

on this crazy restrictive diet, they're like,

"Oh, my God, she said that I can eat all of my favorite food!"

Yes. But she's gonna realize

that putting that meal plan together is one thing,

actually following through with it is another.

-[Jacky] Can I ask you a question? -Yeah.

Would you call a food addiction a genetic thing?

Yes. So, I find it is actually very common where

an individual is struggling with certain

eating disorder symptoms.

Somewhere, in the family

some opposite extreme is happening.

Jazz is experiencing binge eating

but like, restricting is another symptom

of an eating disorder.

[Jeanette] You're the under eater.

[Ryann] But it's all the same.

Everybody here feels anxiety,

so everybody copes with it a little bit differently.

-Right on the head. -[Ryann] What does it look like?

Okay. So, this is two weeks,

okay, written out food log.

This is your meal planning sheets, okay.

So, you can do all the planning,

we're gonna be doing lots of practicing on here.

This is the food log.

If the binge happens, just right it in here.

-Okay. -[Jazz] Okay.

Hold yourself accountable to it.

[Jazz]Not gonna lie, it's really, really overwhelming.

But I think it's good because you're not really used to paying attention.

It's teaching you what it looks like

to balance out your meals.

You want me to fill this out at the end of the day

or before the day.

What do you think is gonna work for you?

[Jazz]You know I think my family believes in me,

I really do.

But sometimes, they lose faith in me

and just believe in the opposite

and I can't take that negativity.

I didn't know you felt like we lost faith in you.

We're proud of you even if it doesn't look like

a straight way up.

Healing isn't linear.

-No, feeling is not linear. -And you know I feel that way.

So, I don't ever lose faith in you.

This is one day!

I have to do this every single day now.

[Ari] How much butter did you put on the pasta?

One tablespoon, I put one tablespoon.

Guys, wait. No, no. That's not one tablespoon.

-[Ari] No way. -No way.

-It really was. -The noodles are drowning.

[Jazz] No, I did do one tablespoon.

The siblings all come in at once,

bombarding me.

[Ari]Griffen!

Come help us!

So, you're the chicken master.

-You make good chicken. -I do. Have you ever cooked chicken before?

-I have but-- -I think you need to learn.

[Jeanette] Am I supposed to be helping or is this on you?

I don't think we need your help.

I kinda like watching everybody do their work.

Ari has been dying to help me cook healthier meals

ever since we visited the nutritionist.

Did you put olive oil on it already?

Yeah, how long is your cooking time?

For about like, five, ten minutes.

No, three minutes, three and a half minutes.

You're gonna burn my chicken like that, Jazz.

[Jazz]We got some chicken, some pasta,

some brussels sprouts, some salad.

Where is the butter?

[Ari] We're not putting butter on it right now, Jazz.

[Jazz] I know, I just wanna know where it is.

[Ari] I don't know, Jazz

but we're not putting butter on it right now.

Jazz, what are you doing?

-Okay. -[Ari] No, you need to chill right now.

[Jazz] No, you need to chill, let me leave it right here.

-Leave it right there. -[Ari] We're not eating it.

[Jazz] I know, no one said I was eating,

I was just preparing it separately.

Leave me alone.

So, I go and take a serving size of pasta to the side

and put some butter on it and leave it there

to eat later with my family.

-I took a small tiny portion. -[Ari] Okay.

But like, save it for later.

I wasn't gonna eat it now at all.

I knew you were gonna do that, you're always doing that.

[Sander] She's in charge of your nutrition.

I'm not even doing anything, we're just waiting,

like no one else is eating right now.

I wasn't gonna eat right now though.

[Sander] She's just being there for you, Jazz.

-I'm not doing anything. -What are you guys fighting about?

I specifically, put the pasta aside

'cause we're not eating yet, right.

-Is anyone eating right now? -I wasn't gonna eat anything though.

But she started making a little bowl, so I said,

"What are you doing?"

Ari said she didn't want butter

to be on the whole thing, so I made a little thing

for myself with butter on it.

-Let's move on. -Ari, you do tend to get hostile a lot.

I'm not gonna lie, Ari she seems to be quiet

but she can be a bossy bitch sometimes.

Could have waited but I made a little bowl with butter.

[Jazz] I wasn't gonna eat it, I was preparing it for myself.

Please stop fighting, all right.

Too many chefs in the kitchen!

-[Ari] Yes, I'm out. -[Greg] Everybody hug each other.

Ari, give me a hug, please.

Maybe, you should apologize.

Ari, I'm sorry for--

[Ari] I did that to Sander too, I don't like when people eat,

like, while we're making food.

I swear percent

a million percent, I was not gonna eat any of that.

It's not fun when everyone's fighting.

The nutritionist created a meal plan

that requires a lot of work.

And I think, Ari is just looking after me.

I am the older sister.

Like, I guess I sometimes

like to take control of the situation

and I think, it's a lot for you

and I'm just there to help you

with whatever I can and support you.

[Jacky] It smells delicious in here.

[Jazz] Smells good, right?

And all of it is healthy food?

-Yeah, everything's healthy. -Good.

Are we ready to eat?

-[Jazz] Yeah, let's go eat. -[Griffen] The food's ready.

[Jacky] Okay.

The healthy meal that Jazz should be eating

is such a sacrifice for her.

This is so diametrically opposed to her eating

a box of doughnuts,

one hamburger

with everything on it, two or three.

What we're asking for her to do,

is like, climbing Mount Everest without... equipment.

Being the oldest member at the table,

I guess it's appropriate for me to make some type of toast.

I'm so proud of the grand children you've given us,

it's a pleasure being around them.

-Bottom's up. -Bottom's up.

[all cheering]

[Sander]I've been waiting for the opportunity

to share with my family

that I'm going on a date with Hope.

Griffen, give me your plate.

[Sander]But it's definitely a unique scenario

because of the past, I only really had

somewhat committed relationships

with a cisgendered woman.

I'm curious to see what they're gonna say.

So, I got some news.

I met a friend on social media.

-Her name is Hope. -Hope?

We just been kinda talking here and there,

more about advocacy and she lives around the area,

so I just was like, "Hey, we should actually go out and hang out."

And it's one-on-one, so it is a date.

Hope is transgender but as I stated many times before

I don't look at someone like that.

That's interesting, the chickens have come home to roost.

[chuckles softly]

[Jack]I'm not gonna pretend that we're not traditionalist,

we're traditional grandparents

but we have Sander's sister who's a transgender woman

and other people will eventually date her.

Am I gonna tell Sander,

"You should not date a transgender woman."

Of course not.

Sander should make his choices on what's above the waistline

and not what's below the waistline.

Are you attracted to her, do you have a spark of some sort?

I definitely am attracted to her

but I haven't seen her in person, so you can't

really tell from social media too much.

I do think she's super cool.

Sander, I am super proud of you

to be able to open up and go on a date

with a transgender woman.

[Griffen]I'm really not surprised that Sander

would be open to dating a trans woman.

Sander is a very open minded dude

and he's not gonna let someone being transgender stop him

from dating them or getting to know them more.

Even loving them if it comes to that.

But it really just requires

the person to be his type of person

whether they're trans or not.

I love the brussels sprouts.

When your plate is more than half green, you know that's good.

[Jacky] How's the meal planning going?

[Jazz] It's been challenging, I'm not gonna lie.

But I'm just trying to reduce calories,

reduce the portion sizes that I eat.

And I could eat any food as long as it's in moderation.

[Ari] How much butter did you put on the pasta?

Not that much but I'm allowed to have butter.

[indistinct chatter]

-[Ari] How many is one serving though. -Taste test.

One tablespoon, I put one tablespoon.

Guys, wait. No, no. That's not one tablespoon.

-[Ari] No way. -No way.

-Jazz, no. -No, it's only one.

-The noodles are drowning. -[Jazz] You guys don't know I did do one tablespoon.

One tablespoon is bigger than you think it is.

The siblings all come in at once, bombarding me.

It makes me feel really humiliated.

[Jeanette]It's obvious that following through

with the nutritionist's meal plan

is definitely gonna be challenging for Jazz.

She doesn't like keeping track of things

and this is keeping track of everything.

So, we're fighting an uphill battle here.

In defense of Jazz, it's been said

that you may make some errors in the beginning.

-Until she retunes-- -But even then, this isn't an error.

I'm really sick of talking about me and my weight,

can we just like, not talk about that tonight.

So, are you excited for your date?

[Sander]Meeting someone for the first time,

it's a little nerve-racking.

I might get some drawback

and people might question my sexuality even more

and say, "Sander, you're gay

because you're going on a date with a transwoman."

[Sander]I'm almost about to go on a date

but I must ask you a question.

Should I roll with this?

I think you should get rid of the moustache.

-It will look better without. -[Sander] Okay.

[Jazz] When was the last time you went on a date?

I mean, not that long ago.

[Jazz] More or less than a year?

Less than a year.

I don't know, I don't go on any dates.

So, like, once I go to college,

obviously, I'm probably gonna go on more dates.

When it comes to me,

I'm waiting to date till I get to college

where I'm gonna meet so many cool people

and then, I might wanna be like, "Okay, let's hook up."

What I was thinking was like, wear like a jean jacket.

[Jazz] That's cute but restricts your movement a little bit.

Do you want something a little loser and more comfortable?

Jazz doesn't know a thing about dating

but I do trust her judgement

when it comes to picking out my outfit.

You wanna put your jeans on first, put your jeans on first.

[Sander] These jeans?

[Jazz] I do not want to see your ball sacks.

Okay, you can open your eyes.

Ooh, those are like, tight.

But they match with what you're wearing very nicely.

I like this!

All right, let me see how this one looks.

It's three different colors,

it's just doesn't match the way the other one matched.

Go, Sander. Go, Sander.

Sander, go! [continues indistinctly]

-Lil Dicky. -[continues indistinctly]

This is your move and mine is like.

A little.

I like solo interviews more.

So, are you excited for your date?

Yeah, it's gonna be a good time.

I am excited for you.

Hope sounds amazing from what I hear

and I saw a picture of her and she's very, very beautiful.

Yeah, at the family dinner, you were like,

"Sander, I'm so proud of you, this is so awesome."

-Of course, I'm so proud of you. -But I don't need you to be

proud of me for going on a date with a woman.

-[chuckles] -Well, that's not why I'm proud of you.

I mean, yes, I'm proud that you are dating a transwoman

but like, you're really,

you're staying open minded in realizing that she's a woman.

But if she's not the one then I hope you remain friends

'cause she sound super cool.

It's been a while since I've really gone out on a date.

Meeting someone for the first time,

it's a little nerve-racking.

Right now, I've definitely been struggling with dating.

I put myself out there

but I've never really committed to anyone.

I'm going into this date, like I would any other date.

But I have to be real with myself

and know that, hey, when I tell my friends

or if I post a picture with Hope on social media,

I might get some drawback

and people might question my sexuality even more

and say, "Sander, you're gay

because you're going on a date with a transwoman."

I feel like, there's gonna be judgement and hatred.

But that's not gonna stop me from going on this date

and enjoying it to the fullest.

-Hey! How are you? -What's up?

-How are you? -Awesome.

[Jazz]Next time onI Am Jazz.

[both laughing]

Sander is so cute.

[Hope exclaims]

[Sander]I know there's chemistry there

and it feels natural just like it did online.

I never saw myself wanting to get bottom surgery.

Now, it's like, a thing that I really wanna do.

That body part is not what I'm attracted to.

And so, this is definitely a unique situation.

She's like this, beautiful transwoman.

I just wonder if they've dabbled in--

I just kinda nod and bob.

Listen, wherever he dips his stick--

[Jacky chuckles]

Shouldn't have said that.

[all exclaiming]

Hi, gorgeous!

Peppermint is the best.

She began as Jazz's friend

but now has grown into one of my best friends.

We're thinking of doing some sort of rally

where we were gonna gather a bunch of strong

transwomen of color to help make a difference.

I was wondering if you would be

the spokesperson for the event.

I probably opened up to Peppermint about some things

that I haven't opened up to anyone else about.

If I can't ever really have sex with a person,

could I see myself with them, I'm not sure.

If you can muster it,

it is a good idea for you to explore that

and display a certain tenderness

towards transwomen publicly.

[Sander]My emotions are all over the place right now.

Talking to Peppermint, I realized that

there are some more things that I maybe haven't

thought about before.