07x07 - Raw

[bunniefuu]

-Hey, how are you? -[Sander] What's up?

[Jazz] Previously on I am Jazz...

Oh!

[Sander] Oh, you fell.

It's my first formal date with a trans woman

and Hope and I are gelling really well.

How has it been as a transgender woman dating?

It sucks, um, I never saw myself wanting to get a bottom surgery,

and now it's like, a thing that I really wanna do.

I know that I'm... I want, I'm attracted to vaginas

and I'm not sure what to do because I know there's chemistry there.

There's something I should show you.

[Madison speaking]

[Jeanette] Ts Madison is a transgender woman, she's a media personality,

and when somebody is spewing misinformation on media channels,

you have to shut it down.

How do you know you haven't permanently screwed up your child?

That's easy, she's alive.

-[Peppermint] Hi! -Hello!

Hey.

[Sander] Peppermint began as Jazz's friend,

but now is one of my best friends.

-I want to change my look and my style a little bit. -Yeah.

[Jazz] I think I look like Storm.

Lightning.

-[gasps] -[Jazz] This is a platinum blond.

All right, this one I'm getting.

I have been thinking about doing a rally or an event for the Black trans community,

I was wondering if you would be the spokesperson for the event.

Whatever I can do, I will do to help.

-I'm in. -Cool, fist bump.

[both] Ahhh!

I wonder what Peppermint wants.

I don't know, but I just hope she's okay.

Peppermint invites Sander and I to come to her Airbnb,

but she's being a little cryptic,

she's not saying why she wants us to come.

All right, should we knock or doorbell?

I think, we should just walk in.

Peppermint?

Ahhh!

Look at you!

Look... Oh, you're gonna walk, you're gonna walk?

Walk for me.

Walk for me, walk for me, walk, walk for me. Yes!

Oh my gosh!

-Cue me next, cue me next. -[Peppermint] Okay,

-Sander, okay, Sander. -[Jazz] Here you go, Sander.

-[Peppermint and Jazz clap] -Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.

-[Jazz] Yes! -It's hopscotch all of sudden.

-You see where I get it from, right? -Yeah!

How are you? Come in, hi.

I'm glad to see you, I thought something bad happened to you,

I thought you, maybe couldn't walk or something. I don't know.

-[Peppermint] Walk? Wha-- -You called me, in kinda urgency, like you come over

-and I was like... -Yeah.

-[Sander] ...that wasn't the plan. -No, no, I'm okay.

So do you like the wig?

-First of all... -[Jazz] It's cute, right?

I just wish it was long, that's all I wish is that it was like to my knees,

but it's cute, I like it.

I love it, your makeup looks beautiful.

-[Jazz] Thank you. -Your hair looks gorgeous.

-Thank you. -[Peppermint] It really is

-it's a great wig. -I learn from the best.

Aw, mmm!

So, uh, I wanted to call you both over to talk to you a little bit...

-Okay. -[Peppermint] ...about

look, I know we've been...

planning this event...

Yeah, it's gonna be amazing.

...which I think is really fantastic.

Um...

I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off,

I was really excited to come,

but...

I can't come in person. I'm so sorry.

[Jazz] Peppermint was our main speaker

for the Black Trans Lives Matter event,

who's gonna share her experience as a Black trans woman.

She's one of the most prominent

Black trans women speaking out today,

so not having her is really devastating.

I got a film,

which is a big opportunity for me,

and I thought long and hard about it,

it was really difficult decision

but at the end of the day,

it's important that I take this opportunity

and do the film.

But you're the face of the event.

-[Jazz] What are we going to do? -[Sander] I don't know.

[Peppermint] I know I sent some suggestions

-of people to be involved... -Yeah.

...some local people,

some local speakers and local organizations,

did you reach out to any of those yet?

-Uh, no. -Not yet.

[Peppermint] I feel so terrible

that I'm not gonna be able to be at the rally,

but Jazz and Sander really do need to step it up

with their own planning game.

Listen, it's important that you have a Black trans woman there,

a Black trans person, but especially a Black trans woman.

-like a person I can speak-- -Many we want many Black trans people there.

Yeah, you need people that can speak

to the issues that are affecting Black trans women.

Jazz and Sander wanna help

and they wanna support, but at the end of the day,

they need to pull this together.

And this means they have to be the ones to make the calls

and make the final decisions.

[Jazz] We have a bunch of the pieces coordinated and together in the puzzle,

but the puzzle is still missing a lot of pieces right now.

I feel like you were like the biggest piece of the puzzle,

and now, I don't know what we're gonna do next.

Please call those people that I, that I suggested.

[Jazz] Peppermint's shoes are hard to fill,

you know, she was attracting a crowd,

creating buzz, has a presence on social media,

so it's really gonna be hard to find someone to do what Peppermint could've done.

What the [bleep] am I gonna do?

[Sander] What's up?

What's going on?

Nothing much, just vibin', what's up with you?

Pretty much the same.

Just got to Dallas for some work

and I am enjoying myself so far.

[Sander] Hope and I recently went ice skating

and had an amazing time.

-Here I go. -Wait.

I love the, I love... I love like your, your arm movements.

What is the wiggle?

[Sander] Wiggle dance.

It's not every day that you meet someone that you connect with

and can kind of emotionally open up to the way we have.

You are more of a digital nomad than me.

I told you, this is what I do.

I need to get more work in different places.

I just, I mean, I guess I can work from anywhere,

but I... don't.

I like, I like chillin', I like being with my family,

I like being in the place,

but I definitely need to get back on it and get on some trips.

So what's going on

what is, tell me, what, what is the update? What's happening?

So we have this event, kind of we're moving forward with it,

but there has been kind of a pretty big setback.

-Peppermint, you know, Peppermint, um... -Yeah.

[Sander] ...she was gonna be like our, our main speaker,

but she recently just found out that she got a part in a feature film,

so now she can no longer make it.

No.

[Sander] I know.

So yeah, we're scrambling a little bit.

Jazz and I have reached out to a few people in the local

and in the broader community

to find a new speaker...

Just say the event is open to all LGBTQ plus people

and allies and takes place in South Florida.

[Sander] ...but we still haven't found someone yet.

I'm not sure how well it's gonna go

or if you're gonna be able to pull it off

with authenticity to the community, if you all don't find somebody.

Feel an immense amount of pressure to help Jazz host this rally

because Jazz is still trying to find her mojo,

she's still not % every day.

She's putting a lot on her plate again,

and she wants to host an amazing event

for Black trans people,

and I'm here to help her every step of the way,

I guess, do you have any advice or help or anything?

Because Jazz and I are missing now

kind of like that main speaker and headliner

to draw in a huge crowd to the event.

[Hope] I can like, check around with a couple of people

and see what's going on.

[Sander] That would be great, and maybe you could speak

because you're still coming, correct?

I'm still coming.

I am, I'm super excited about it

and...

I am looking forward to just like being able to chill and hang out again

because ice skating was ridiculously fun,

um, and so it will be dope for us, to just like link up.

Um, maybe go bowling this time.

Maybe go bowling this time so that I can kick your butt.

Yeah.

Hope is awesome and this event is right up her alley

and we get to hang out again.

So let me work my magic.

Let me work a little bit of my mojo and see who I can get to agree.

But I definitely think you all are gonna have to put in

a little bit of elbow grease on this one.

It would be a struggle bus

if you all don't find a really great Black trans speaker.

-[Sander] What's up? -Hey, everybody.

Oh, my God.

Why is Ts Madison here in Florida?

What is happening?

-What's going on? -So Madison is going to be speaking at the rally.

[Greg] Make it sweat, we're walking fast--

-Oh, I am sweating it is pretty hot out here... -Let's pump it up.

...it's really hot.

Jazz and I walk almost every single night,

it's really kind of cool, she's my walking buddy.

I just really love spending time with her,

especially knowing she's heading off to college, hopefully.

What is going on with all those wigs around the house?

What do you mean?

-How many wigs do you have? -I have a couple of wigs.

I don't know, I'm just trying to play around a little bit.

My dad and I definitely have a very special connection,

he's seen me struggle a little bit, and I think that's hard for him

and he calls me out, he tells me what I can do to be better.

I'm not the biggest on aesthetics right now,

but maybe soon,

I'll focus on working out a lot more

to get my body sculpted the way I want it to

and then I might look better for me to wear wigs.

How are things going with the nutritionist?

Um, really...

it's hard to say, I mean, she's trying to help me,

but what she has designed requires a lot of effort

and hard work, willpower.

Quite frankly, I just don't know

if I'm ready to make that commitment to lose the weight yet.

Is it all or nothing? It seems like you're making an all or nothing situation.

[Jazz] No, there needs to be more of a balance, for sure.

[Greg] It's tough.

Jazz's weight gain has been substantial

and seeing how much effort it would take for her

to get to where she thinks she wants to be,

I think sometimes it's easy to just say, that's just too hard to accomplish

and she's almost years old.

I don't wanna be the food police.

So what's the plan like if, if it's not working?

Are you, are you gonna move to another plan B or do you feel like...

[Jazz] I just, I have this knowing

that I am gonna win this food battle.

I don't know when, but I just know

I'm not gonna be like this for the rest of my life.

It's really hard being a part of my family

because everyone is health conscious and in good shape

and I'm the only one who's overweight

and I know that it's really hard for my family

to watch me eat the way I eat,

but getting readmitted to Harvard

isn't contingent on, you know, what I eat.

You know what I like so much about our walks?

-What? -We really get a chance to talk to each other.

-Yeah. -We really get a good one on one.

I get to know where you're at.

-I get you're- -And you're not gonna get that

anymore once I go to college,

no more nightly walks,

which I'm sad about but excited about too.

-Are you gonna be sad? -[Greg] I will be sad.

Hey, I don't know if I'm getting in yet

they still have to approve my petition to return,

but the hopes are high.

I know that, um,

you and Sander have been talking about doing some advocacy work.

[Jazz] We are organizing an event

to help support Black trans lives.

But the most marginalized group of people

are Black trans women.

When you hear about the deaths

of trans people, most of those people are trans women of color.

Who's gonna be there?

[Jazz] So Peppermint actually can't come,

which is heartbreaking

because she was gonna be the headliner of the event.

And you feel like, you and Sander can't be that person because--

No, we're white.

We can't be just speaking at a Black Trans Lives Matter event

as two white people like we need

Black people who have experienced

the difficulty, the challenge of just being a person of color.

Besides that, I haven't been doing a lot of advocacy work,

and this is the first big thing I've done in a while

and I really want it to go well.

This is on a whole different level

than anything I've ever done before,

and I just really want it to be something powerful.

[Greg] Jazz has a lot on her plate:

she's doing a lot of other things to get ready to go to school,

she has her internship.

So the fact that Jazz is involved in an event

and that it's a remarkable event is great.

The one concern I have is that

Jazz has had a history of getting involved in events,

putting too much on her plate and then, you know, it just overwhelming her

so it's, it's concerning.

-[man ] Jazz, how you doing? -[Jazz] Good, how are you?

-[Jeanette] Good morning. -[man ] How's it going?

-[Jeanette] Good morning -[Sander] Thank you.

-[Jeanette] Hey guys! -[Jazz] You ready?

All right, let's do it.

[Jeanette] The Black Trans Life Matter event is just a few days away

and we're all digging in,

so Hope is in town to help out with the event.

When it comes to Sander and his dating life,

gonna ask him, "Well, what's the situation?"

We're talking, we're not dating, we're talking.

They're talking, does that mean they're having sex? I don't know,

I have no idea, but it's a "talking" thing.

I didn't have that,

it was either you're going out or you're sneaking, that was it.

[Jeanette] No, you just messed your hair up.

-It was good, stop touching it. -I need to get a haircut.

-It's fine, just... -I need to get a haircut.

-Can I fix it? -[Jazz] My hair's a mess too,

-I was just wearing a wig. -You need to look nice for Hope.

She's gonna think you just rolled outta bed.

I am truly excited to meet Hope,

I've heard so many great things about her.

Sander's very fond of her, he says lovely things about her

and I'm excited to finally meet her.

She is on her way down.

She also says that she has a surprise for us.

[Jazz] Ooh! I love surprises, though.

I feel it in my tummy, I feel butterflies in my tummy.

What do you think it is like a gift, a gift?

I don't know.

-What's up? -[Hope] Hey!

-Hey everybody. -[Jazz] Hello.

Oh, my God!

So I see Hope,

however, I see Ts Madison

and I'm like, "What is going on right now?

Why is Ts Madison down here in Florida?

What is happening?"

Like, I have to see you in person,

I've been watching you for so long.

[Jeanette] The last time I met Ts Madison,

it was a very difficult situation.

There's all this controversy

surrounding what Ts Madison thought about Jazz's mental health.

[Madison] Blogs and online have been saying

that this girl done went crazy.

And I'm like, "Well, did the sex reassignment surgery cause that [bleep]."

So Madison is going to be speaking at the rally.

[Jeanette] I don't like confrontation. I don't like abrasiveness

so seeing her now is sort of like, uh, awkward, you know?

So I know some of your fans said that,

um, my transition and my mental health were kind of correlated

and that's just not true.

-What's going on? -So Madison is going to be speaking at the rally.

-Is this the surprise? -[Jazz] Oh, my God!

[Sander] I thought you're bringing down some food or something.

Well, I am food.

[indistinct chatter]

-You look delicious. -Well, thank you Jeanette.

[Jeanette] I'm a little surprised that Ts Madison is the surprise,

I wasn't expecting that

but I think, she's the perfect person for the Black Trans Lives Matter event;

she's a spokesperson, she's well known

in South Florida 'cause she used to live here,

and that's all that matters.

Is he being good to you?

Yes, he actually is.

-Oh, good. -I had a really good time at the ice skating rink

and apparently we're gonna go bowling later so that's gonna be fun too.

-[Jazz] Yes! -[Jeanette] I love going bowling.

Wait a minute.

[Sander] You're comin' bowling too?

You will mind your business, Madison.

-What you mean going? -You will mind your business, Madison.

[Jazz] I do feel like, Ts Madison is perfect for this event

because she's a prominent figure of the trans community.

But I was concerned about the false rumors

that Ts Madison, said that I suffered from mental health issues

directly related to my surgery,

and that's just not true.

So I have a question for you.

So I know some of your fans said that,

um, my transition and my mental health were kind of correlated.

Um, can you tell me a little bit more about what exactly was said 'cause...

Well, what happened was like my fans were like, you know,

uh... well...

I don't wanna ever disrespect you, Jazz,

but I've met a few trans girls

who after they have had the sex reassignment surgery,

they just like, went [bleep] crazy.

-Really? -[Madison] Yes.

I've experienced mental health issues

since I was like years old, I was diagnosed

with depression and anxiety,

and the way I thought about the world changed at that age,

and it caused a lot of hardship for me on a personal internal level.

Um, so, yeah, I,

I think people just jump to conclusions kind of

they saw that I was struggling with my mental health

and then they were like, "Oh, didn't she just have her surgery?"

[Hope] They have to be connected.

Yeah, they have to be connected, but they did not correlate at all.

I've had lots of unlearning that I, I had to do.

[Jazz] Ts Madison has a different perspective than I have on the bottom surgery,

but everyone has their own journey, and I think her journey

was just so severely different than mine that it's really hard

for her to kind of connect to it.

I just hope now that she knows more of my story,

she can enlighten and educate others.

Let's talk about this event a little bit so we can let you guys

in on what, kind of where we're at.

Do you wanna share any ideas first before I kind of share what we have?

-Well-- -Well, listen, you know, Hope invited me to speak.

So I'm, I, I was a little reluctant at first...

-She was. -... I'm not gonna lie, because, you know,

I'm really raw in my conversation

-[Sander speaking] -and I'm raw in my conversation because

it's real to me, you know, I've worked the b*at here when I used to live here.

I've watched girls die.

When I was a street girl, I used to work on th Street here in Miami,

and I had the opportunity, earlier this year,

to return and visit that place and while I was there,

I felt the spirits of the girls that were lost there on the street.

I felt that I needed to set foot here

to... let the girls know that I'm freeing them from being,

you know, trapped in this place.

Because I'm using my voice to talk about

the way that their lives were, were taken here.

I'm gonna speak to set each one of you free each one of your souls free.

I'm sorry.

When I think about it, you know,

I get, you know, emotional about it because

I'm like, what was so special about me that made me?

And then I have to know that it was, it was my purpose

to do it because I was gonna be unfiltered and tell the, the real story.

[Jazz] I'm feeling really, really good about this event.

-[Madison] I am too. -I am really excited.

-Yeah, I feel good. -You, yeah, we were kind of freaking out

and then we saw you.

We're hopeful. We have Hope on our side.

-[Jazz] Hope for the best. -[Sander] That's right.

-Literally. -We got Hope and the best over here.

-[Neasa] Hey, Jazz. How's it going? -Good. Yeah.

I'm organizing binders, these are like the full body ones.

These are super small ones. These are just like, general just for the chest.

-Brilliant, thank you so much for doing that. -Hope I'm doing this okay.

Yeah, you're doing a better job than I could.

I've got my numbing cream on, I hear that you're gonna help me with the procedure.

-Okay, I didn't know about this. -Yeah.

Dr. Gallagher is gonna show you how to work it.

It's like a skin tightening machine.

-Okay. -Yeah.

[Jazz] This internship is already a fulfilling experience.

I didn't expect to enjoy it this much.

-All right. -Hello.

-Hi. -I'm excited to witness this.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you're not only a witness, you're gonna do it, girlfriend...

-Oh, my God. -If you're up to it. If you're up to it.

Okay.

[Jazz] Dr. Gallagher isn't just letting me sit on the sideline.

She's really involving me, and she's almost like, teaching me.

And we're starting you off with literally the worst patient in the world.

-That's true. -It's this girl, right here.

I'm learning how to be a hard worker,

how to do administrative tasks, how to keep busy.

So, I do feel like I'm learning some skills that I could apply at Harvard.

So what exactly are we doing here? 'Cause I'm a little confused.

One of the things, like a big problem we see, you know,

especially in plastic surgery, cosmetic surgery and even in gender affirmation surgery

-is when you have too much skin. -Yeah.

The only good answer right now is, we have to cut it. You gotta do a scar.

-Yeah. -So if there's what we call like a minimally invasive

way of doing it, all the better.

-Yeah. -So this is radiofrequency with micro needling.

Basically, there's little needles. You can actually see them inside.

-Oh, my God. -Yeah. And so they actually jab her, real quick.

-I kind of put a little bit of pressure... -Yeah.

...you know, uh, 'cause that, that can help and then I'm gonna use my foot pedal.

-We're gonna do one. -[machine beeps]

-Yeah, that was okay? -That was okay.

-[Jazz] Okay. -'Cause it's on the lowest settings.

So that's basically, how you do it.

-You wanna try it? -I'll try it.

-You wanna try it? -I'll try it.

[Jazz] Between the internship, trying to get to Harvard, losing weight,

and organizing this Black Trans Lives Matter event,

there's a lot going on.

The last time I had this many things to do, I crashed

and ended up going into deep depression.

So, I don't want that to happen again.

I think, I have to try to minimize the pressure I put on myself,

so I need to just like, focus on just being able to help people.

That's in my nature. It's what I love to do is help others

and to be able to do that at Dr. Gallagher's office, it's just super rewarding.

-Have to apply pressure, right? -Yeah.

-Oh, I already pressed it. -No, you're good, you're good. Yeah.

There you go. You're natural. Yeah, and you can scoot in

-closer to your patient, you know, so you're more... -Okay.

-...comfortable. Yeah, excellent. Yeah, very good. -You got it. Yeah.

[Sidhbh] Jazz has been an awesome fit here. We've loved having her here.

And one thing I've been so impressed with, is her, aunt... authenticity.

-Boom! -Here you go.

-Just wanted to try. -You did good, you did good, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She has a rare quality, and that she's incredibly honest and open

and also quite courageous as well.

I see the courage in her that's going to carry her through her future.

You, you've never, ever treated a patient before.

-It's your first time in-- -Never. It's my first time performing surgery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. You did a procedure.

Yeah, you're natural, natural. Yeah,

I wanna figure out, is this gonna end up being a third date?

Well, is it gonna be a third date, Sander?

[Sander] I feel like, Ts Madison's being a little bit pushy.

I don't know. It makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable

in this moment, to be honest.

[Sander] Right now, I'm really focused on this, Black Trans Lives Matter event

but bowling is a great way to let off some steam.

I know a lot of guys like to let a girl win on a date, but I'm competitive,

so, Hope better be ready. I'm going to impress her with my bowling skills.

-What's up? Ready to get your bowl on? -No way, my friend was

wearing that same shirt last night and I said, "I need to get that shirt."

I thought it was the perfect bowling shirt. I felt, this is amazing.

Me and Hope hung out one on one first, but for me,

seeing her with her friends and her seeing me with my friends,

that's how you emotionally connect and get to know people.

And I feel like I'll actually get to know her a lot better during this date.

-Are you good bowler? Are you good bowler? -I'm so bad.

-But that's okay. -I mean, we're consistently good or consistently bad.

I'm excited to go bowling today.

I'm definitely glad that Sander invited us

-to hang out with some of his friends... -Yeah.

...it gives us a chance to introduce Neasa to the group.

[Noah] Neasa and I have been dating for about six months.

I'm cisgender and I've never dated a trans man before,

so this is, it's all new for me.

At first, I just I thought he was just being super flirty.

I thought he was like that with all the girls.

Uh, but then he was like, super consistent.

It took a lot of wearing down, but I finally got her.

She makes it sound like it happened so easy.

Yeah, no, it took a while. It took a while.

[Sander] Oh, look who's here.

-[Hope] Hey! -[Madison] Hey!

I'm getting warmed up.

We're gettin' some shoulders out here.

[Hope] You're still gonna lose, Sander.

For some strange reason, Hope is like, out with Sander for the second time in a row.

And I'm really trying to figure out, is this a date?

-[Madison] What is this? -It's it's a thing.

Mmm.

[Madison] It just seems like this is a whole double dating thing that's going on.

I know Hope and Hope doesn't just go out with any boy and bowl.

Well, aren't we all just, we're just all hanging out right now.

Oh, my God.

-She's just like to funk the bed. -I need, I need shoes.

-I'm, let's go... -Yeah.

-...get shoes. -Yeah, yeah. Go, get the shoes.

You need some shoes, too. You gotta bowl too.

Let me take my phone. Imma leave my pocketbook here. Is it safe?

I love how she made that so awkward, that wasn't awkward at all.

She's just trying to poke the bear, I don't know.

You did not have to put me out like that.

We're still kind of talking through things and feeling each other out.

How deep are you feeling him out?

I don't know. I like him a lot. I can say that much.

[Producer speaking]

I feel ambushed.

Don't be ambushed. Where are you and Sander right now, Hope?

We are getting to know each other better

and hopefully we'll be able to hang out again.

-Next time, we'll have less people. -Oh!

So, I refuse to put these fugly shoes on.

Either way, it goes. Ugly shoes or not.

-You're getting smoked. -Sander, you're going down.

[Noah] Don't mess up.

[Sander] Here it goes.

-Oh! -Whatever!

-[Hope] Whatever! -Let's go!

[Sander] Okay, Hope. Let's see what you got.

See what I got, with my grandma bowling.

My bowling technique is, is a little bit of a push.

[Sander] You got this.

But it's to save the claws.

Hope's bowling technique is a bit of a squat and ride.

Oh!

I threw that one into the gutter, that was like, what I wanted to do.

Oh, you're trying to dance in front of Sander, honey.

-I... no. -She needs to focus more on the bowling.

-Instead of the balls. -If this's a dance competition I'm winning that too.

-Oh, now that you definitely will lose. -I won the dance award

-in high school, what do you mean? -I was a dancer,

-a trained dancer in high school. -[Sander] I know, but

I'm a good awkward dancer.

[Noah] I'm not sure if Sander and Hope have something going on,

but there definitely seems to be a little bit of romantic chemistry.

-Chemistry, yeah. -Yeah.

-They didn't have the competition. -Yeah, maybe they're not like,

you know, clear on what it is yet,

but they're definitely having fun with each other, I can tell.

Ah! That was painful to watch.

-We are warming up here. -So I did have top surgery a few months ago,

so it's probably that, you know.

[Noah] You got this.

You did so great.

All right. We're hoping for a zero.

[Noah] You forgot to--

[Producer speaking]

-[both] Sander. -[producer] Sander, what?

-Sander is the best bowler. -Sander, he was all right.

-[Sander] There we go. -[Noah] All right. All right.

-[Hope] Whoa! -[Madison] All right.

Somebody lied, somebody pretended to be okay at bowling

-when they knew that they were actually really good. -Yeah, I know right, girl.

You know, I just... listen, I used to date a guy

and we used to go bowling every week

until I decided that I was like, not interested in dating anymore.

-Why not? -Because I think men are trash.

-Really? -Yes.

That's that's her whole philosophy.

-Even talking about men messed me up. -[Neasa] Yeah.

-Yeah. -[Sander speaking]

Ah! Well, I'm... well, here's the thing.

I'm not in a trusting space with, with men

because I understand the way men, you know, operate.

Even though I'm a woman, I have a sex... a man sex drive.

And so for me, like, when I date and this is

probably a lot of bad decisions that I've made,

I don't have to have sex on the first night,

but I usually like to because I need to understand,

-like, are we compatible. -For sure.

From my dating life in the past, I would always jump to

physical connections first.

But, usually, if I've ever had sex with someone really early on,

the emotional connection falls behind.

Anyone that I've gelled with emotionally first,

I've never had...

-Bad sex. -...bad sex with.

-I used to be very much, sort of size queen. -[Madison] Oh!

I think a large part of my "size queen" phase was because

being somebody who has not had bottom surgery,

I never want to get naked or I never wanted to get naked

and have a man feel less masculine in the event that I was bigger than him

or so I chased after, after guys who I knew were bigger than me,

so that, if that happened, it wouldn't be a thing.

[Sander] I can understand why a trans woman like Hope

who hasn't had the bottom surgery might want someone to have

a bigger penis than them because it makes them feel more feminine.

But I don't feel great about it.

It's like, me as a cisgender heterosexual man being like,

I'm open to dating a trans woman,

even if she hasn't had the bottom surgery, but then you're saying,

"Well, I won't even talk to a cis man if he has a smaller penis."

It's like... I don't know.

It makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable in this moment, to be honest.

So, I wanna figure out, is this gonna end up being a third date?

Well, is it gonna be a third date, Sander?

I feel like Ts Madison is being a little bit pushy with being like,

"Oh, is there going to be a third date?

Are you two exclusive? Is this a thing?"

It gives me a little concern.

I think it's something that me and Hope need to talk about,

not what Ts Madison should be "speculating about."

[Sander] Let's go right side.

Today's the day of the event, and I am a nervous wreck.

[Sander] We need to figure out where we're plugging in everything.

[Jazz] There's so many things that could go wrong.

We need a extension cord.

[Madison] Girl, I would be pounds less than I am

by the time I get to doing this [bleep].

[Jazz] I'm so excited to see the mural.

Hey guys.

-Black Trans Lives Matter. -Black Trans Lives Matter.

-Black Trans Lives Matter. -We're triplets.

Today's the day of the event and I am a nervous wreck.

I mean, there's so many different components in place,

and there's so many things that could go wrong.

Hey, Sunny. Hey, Jack.

-Oh, hi guys. -This looks incredible.

-Wow! -Thank you.

-How you guys doing'? -Boy, you hard at work.

Sander and I really wanted to create a mural

so that the event has a long lasting impact.

Cleo, Alexis, Tony and Bree.

Those are the names of the four people who are being depicted on the wall.

All Black trans people who were m*rder*d for just being their authentic self.

I don't want Black trans people to just be statistics.

I want their names to be remembered and their stories to be heard.

[Jazz] Is that Hope?

-Hi, you're all. -[Jazz] Hello, beautiful lady.

-Hi. -She's the sexy version of us. Sexy!

-Hey. -[Sander] Hello.

[Hope] This is so beautiful.

-[Jazz] I know, isn't it amazing? -Oh my God.

I mean, y'all just brought these folks back to life.

-This is so amazing. -[Jeanette speaking]

It's just like...

I remember last summer when this happened to Tony, and nobody cared.

Just last year, I remember talking about this story on Facebook

and then getting on a plane to Tallahassee

to give his family donations for the funeral.

And now seeing him immortalized is amazing.

You know, here's a man where his death was caught on camera, too.

But the second that people realized that

it was a trans Black man, it became less important.

It wasn't as significant to march for.

And now to, like, see that...

Like, y'all, y'all put their souls on this wall,

y'all put their souls in this space,

and it's just, it's beautiful.

[Jazz] Hope's emotional reaction to the mural is exactly why we're doing this.

Here we are celebrating these four people

who are beautiful and amazing and deserve to be heard.

And I'm telling that rain cloud just you go away.

Yeah, this rain cloud has to go.

-[Sander] Let's get to work. -[Hope] Let's get to work.

There's still a lot of work to do.

-Do you want me to get that? -We've got it.

We still don't have the stage set up.

I want to make sure that we get everything done before people start arriving.

We need to figure out where we're plugging in everything.

[Jazz] Hey, is there an outlet over here?

-[woman] So we need another extension cord? -Why?

[Madison] A -part prong extension cord.

Because this is short. Okay, hold on. Let me see.

[TS] Girl, I would be pounds less than I am

by the time I get to doing this [bleep].

The show must go on.

Actually...

-Are you done? -[Sunny] Yeah.

-Looks amazing. -Just finished.

Oh, my God, look at it.

[Jazz] This is incredible.

[TS] All right. Let's get this party started.

All right, y'all, we about to get this thing started, honey.

We about to get this thing started.

All right, y'all bring the folks in, honey. Bring 'em in.

[Hope] Hey, everybody. How're y'all doing'?

All right. Thank you all for coming out to this amazing event

to help us raise money, awareness and overall kindness for Black trans women.

-[crowd cheers] -[Hope] All right.

Listen, we always get in conversations where

people ask us, like, how do we show up for these types of things?

-Yes. -How do we as cis het people or just,

you know, just white people show up for Black girls?

And, um, this is how you do it.

So I just like to thank you Jazz, and I like to thank you, Sander...

-Thank you. -...and the Jennings family. Thank you so much.

[crowd cheers]

[Jack] Peace, peace, peace.

I don't wanna talk too much about myself, what I'm really here for is, for,

the people that are on these wa... this wall, um,

and a lot of their family is actually in this space.

So way at the end there, um, is Cleo.

Cleo was in a domestic v*olence dispute.

Um, right now, their m*rder*r is away free.

So at this time, uh, Cleo has not experienced justice.

My hope is that, at some point they will.

Um, next up is Alexis Braxton, who was m*rder*d.

Still, no findings on who did it, even though, uh,

I feel like those close to her know that it was a domestic partner.

So next up is Tony McDade.

Tony McDade was k*lled by police.

I would say that they were in the middle of a mental health crisis

after being violated in multiple ways.

So then there's, Bree Black,

who was k*lled in broad daylight, but nobody will come forward with facts

or clues that may have, uh, may help find her K*llers.

These are some of the most recent to ,

but I want to also acknowledge that this is not, this story is too common, right?

Allyship is how you can show up for me

and other Black trans folk that is unique to them and their lived experience,

not just when they're dead, but when we're alive.

Give us our roses while we're still here.

[Jazz] Some of the family members of the people in the mural

are here at this event, and I think it's a powerful way for them

to have this connection and cathartic moment about their loss,

and hopefully it provides them some sort of comfort in some way.

♪ If I could Then I would♪

♪ Take away your pain♪

♪ If I could Then I would ♪

♪ Make it go away♪

Even when I look back over my own life, I'm like,

I don't know how I survived.

I don't know how I made it out.

There wasn't many places I can go.

The boys and girls club wasn't a safe space for me.

I think in the Black community, we're still afraid

to love and support our q*eer children,

friends, family members, and that saddens me.

I think we have work in the Black community to do.

We have a lot of work to do.

Black trans people are Black people.

When we say, Black Lives Matter,

that should always include Black trans lives.

[Carvelle] The hardest thing of being a transgender

is losing acceptance from your family and rejection.

Two thousand sixteen, I was in a dark place

and then the Jazz had a such a pivotal role in my life.

This child, who was so adamant and had such conviction of who she is.

It's like, I mean... that, that saved my life.

There are too many that sit in spaces of resource and access

without using it.

Your allyship doesn't stop at adjusting your point of view.

It starts and stops at adjusting your lifestyle.

♪ I wanna believe♪

♪ I gotta have faith♪

♪ I wanna know that♪

♪ Peace will conquer hate♪

-This is Cleo's mom, Antoinette. -Hi, everyone.

-Hey Antoinette. -Hi, everyone. Nice to meet you.

I just wanna thank you, um, from the bottom of my heart, like,

I'm very thankful for this experience

and the love that I have got from the community is,

it's like no other. That's all I can say. Thank you.

Cleo was flamboyant, but also, at the same time, a little shy.

It's, it's the little things that I miss, um, the laugh

because they had this funny laugh.

I miss... just the love that a mother gets from their child.

Yeah.

-I can't even imagine... -Yeah.

-like, I have my four beautiful children there. -Yes.

And I'm, I was really touched by you coming up.

-I'm glad you were here and I'm glad you spoke. -Yes.

I know your baby's always with you.

You know, anything we could ever do to help you just let us know.

[crowd cheers]

[Kiowa] Thank you so much, everyone.

Now, put your hands together once again for Kiowa, honey.

Griffen's crying.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to the rally.

-Thank you. -Thank you very much.

I am just astounded by the powerful stories that we've heard today.

This event is just beyond what I thought this event would be.

-Girl, you just inspire me. -Love you so much.

It was just a really great event, and just so many people are getting emotional.

So many people are feeling connected to each other.

And it's just a beautiful thing for all of us to come together

and to celebrate life, all life, not just certain kinds of life.

And I think it's really just a very, very monumental event and a monumental moment.

Jazz.

[Jazz] Next time on, I Am Jazz.

You didn't take your meds, you gotta get up.

This isn't going to cut it at Harvard, I'm not going to be here to get you up.

At least Greg and I are around to prevent her from oversleeping.

What's gonna happen when we're not around?

I feel like we need to get into some Jeanette fun, a boudoir photo sh**t.

-The cellulite is definitely showing... -Whoa.

-Whoa! -Mama!

My ass is showing.

Part your lips, close your eyes.

She might end up with another kid after this.

And I went to the grocery store. I'm making green smoothie now.

I'm committed to being healthier.

But I've still seen you order in and...

No, I haven't ordered in in a little while, actually.

I'm kind of tired of my family being on top of me

over and over again when it comes to food.

I don't need you shutting me down, saying,

"Oh, but every other time you ask for help, we failed."

-That's the truth. -You're attacking me right now.

You're the one lying to yourself.