04x01 - Pirate World FD

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

All: ♪ happy
birthday, dear ella ♪

- Bah-gah!

All: ♪ happy birthday to you ♪

- Bah-gah! Now,
go for it, ella.

- [exhales deeply]
- no, no, not silly string!

Hey, no, no! [all screaming]

Oh, my god! Oh, my
god! [screaming]

Get this thing off of me!

I don't want to
die! [siren wailing]

♪ ♪

[shouting indistinctly]

♪ ♪

- Everyone, stay back.

- All right, he's good!
He's good, he's good!

- Okay, pal, let's get you up.

- You all right in there?
- Whoo, hey.

Everything's fine.

Nothing to see herrre.

- It's just a parrot who
got a little bit charrred.

[all scream]

- Oh, whoa, whoa,
it's okay, it's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.

- This happens every month.
- Every sign a waiver?

Did y'all sign a waiver?
- Oh, no. It-it's okay.

He's okay. He's fine.
He's fine. He's fine.

[foreigner's "hot blooded"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ well, I'm hot-blooded ♪

♪ check it and see ♪

♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪

♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, man.

I'm really never gonna
see my puppets again.

- You okay?

- The fiery mascot really
brought back bad memories.

The smell of burning felt
really turned my stomach.

- Aw, I know it's painful, but
it'll get better with time.

- It's been 14 months.

When is the hurtin' gonna stop?

[phone buzzes]
- hi, gampy.

- Is that my favorite
fire-fighting pirate?

- Commish.

Tell the commish I said hi.
- Gampy, ike says hi.

- Who the hell is ike?
- You know ike.

I work with him.

- Oh. Uh, hello, sir.

- That's one of the idiots
that b*rned down my station!

- It's... it's not ike.

Tell him it's not... stop.
- Stop what?

- You're looking
at someone else.

This isn't ike. Lucy!
Turn the phone around.

What's the matter with you?
- Oh, oh, oh. Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Say it was a different ike.

- What's up, gampy?

- What happened to the mascot?

- Oh, petey the parrot, chief.
- I don't care. What happened?

- Costume caught
fire. Silly string.

- f*cking silly string.
It's worse than glitter.

You guys are supposed to monitor

Candle-lightings at
birthday parties.

- We had two
heat-exhaustion calls.

And that stupid dickhead parrot
was supposed to wait for us.

- Chief, can I speak to you?

- Uh, we got to go check
davy jones' locker.

His torches might be
burning too hot, so...

- I don't need an
excuse. Just leave.

- Sorry, chief.
- [clears throat] okay. Great.

Chief.
- What happened today

At the birthday arrrchipelago?
- Silly string fire.

- Ah, f*ckin' silly string, huh?

[chuckles] nothing
good comes from it.

- [chuckles]
- and, uh, where was your crew?

- Well, we had multiple
heat-exhaustion calls.

And paulie jumped the
g*n on the candles.

He was supposed to wait, so...
- Paulie who?

- The parrot.
Paulie the parrot.

- It's petey.
- Oh, my bad.

Petey is my nephew.

So how do I explain
that to his mother?

- Well, hopefully his mother
is one of those parrots

That speaks english. [laughs]
- really?

Do you mind if we parley, terry?

I'm starting to
get the impression

That you don't like this job.

- That's not true, sir.

- You don't know
the mascot's name.

- Pete the parakeet.
- Petey the parrot.

Pirates have parrots,
not parakeets.

- What's the difference?

- I don't know, actually.

This is a special place, terry.

I need someone who's gonna
loot and plunder with me

On this voyage.

- Well, I will loot and plunder
with you on the voyage, sir.

- Good, 'cause life is too short

To do things you don't
want to do, terry.

And I'm sure you
don't want to make me

Make you walk the plank.

- What?
- I'm joking. Oh, come on.

Sometimes I can make a pirate
joke, too, you landlubber.

- [chuckles] hey.
- Right?

- Just batten down
the hatches, hmm?

Not a joke.
- Okay.

[sighs]

- Hey. What did skipper say?

- Dead men tell no tales.

- Ha ha! "weekend
at bernie's," yeah.

- I got some good
news from gampy.

The rebuild on
station 24 is done.

- Good for the tfd.
- That's not all.

Turns out they're understaffed.

He said it would be a headache

To pull people from
other stations,

So I suggested he take us back.

- Ha! Yeah right. He
would never do that.

- He said yes!
- Oh! Stop lying.

- What?
- Yes!

- We're all going back to
station 24, just like that?

[chuckles] it's
almost too easy, luce.

- What about andy?
Is andy coming back?

- No, no, definitely not...
He's working full-time

For his uncle's
carpet company now.

- I thought he
didn't love that job.

- No, he's in the showroom now,

And apparently it's
pretty low-key.

- Oh, is that what
he's looking for?

Something low-key?
- Low-key's cool.

So, dad, what do you say?

- Best of luck to you.

- Oh, come on.

You hate this job.
- I don't hate this job.

- Is this about uncle eddie?

- Eddie has nothing
to do with it.

- We can get him
to come back, too.

- It's not about eddie!

Besides, I hear he's
got a new job, so...

- Okay, well, gampy said
we can go to the station.

So why don't you come with us

And see what they've done to it?

- [sighs]

[hopeful music]

♪ ♪

Wow. Both: Whoa!

- Unbelievable.
- This is amazing.

- Son of a bitch.
- This is our station.

- Shiny!
- [chuckling] oh, baby!

A lot different than
when we last saw it, huh?

- Yeah. There's
actually a roof.

- [chuckles]
- look at this...

New workbench, washer-dryer.

- Granny, what's
wrong, man. You okay?

- I just got a little shiver

Remembering my
puppets, you know?

- Just take it slow, man.

Lot to take in. [chuckles]

Aw, man.

What the hell?

Didn't the door used to be here?

- Oh, I heard for
structural reasons,

They had to move everything
a few inches to the left.

- Yeah. No, I've heard of
that. That makes sense.

You can kind of tell.

- Huh.

- Whoo.
- So?

- It looks good.
- Yeah?

- We should burn down
our station more often.

- Hey, you guys!
[chuckles]

Look at this.

Whoa! They redid everything.
Are you kidding me?

Look at the kitchen!
It's brand-new.

- And new chairs! Whoo!
[chair buzzes]

Wait, there's a
vibrating button.

- Ha. Eddie always
wanted one of those.

[chuckles, sighs]

I'm gonna go look around.

- All right.
[chuckles]

I'm gonna go check
out the bunk room.

[chuckles]

Damn!

It really is a game of inches.

- Certainly seems like there's
more space around here.

- Right?

Oh!

- Granny, why
didn't you save us?

- You let us burn!

Shame! Shame!

- [screams]

- What?
- Uh, it's just...

I'm really impressed
with this new fridge.

- Whoo.

- Hey, guys.

There's a great new
captain's office.

Eddie would love it.

Oh, and there's actually a
bidet in the chief's bathroom,

Which I know he'd want to use.

- Yeah, but what did you think?

- [sighs] I think
I miss the place.

I'm coming back to station 24.

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

- Yes!
- Awesome!

- Yay.

- On one condition.

Eddie comes back, too.

He was my right-hand
man after all.

- Okay.

Let's go get uncle eddie.

- All right!
- [laughs]

- Whoo! Getting the
team back together!

- Whoo! Oh.
- Oh, jesus.

- Wait, this was a push
before, though, right?

- His blood pressure's dropping.

We're losing too much blood.

- I know, I'll
give him my blood.

- Will that work?
- Absolutely. I'm o-negative.

- Don't go to the light!

- Rhonda, this
isn't how it works.

- Research says people
don't know how it works,

So it's okay.
- Yeah, but if she gave him

A person-to-person
transfusion like this...

[screaming in distance] the
chances of her k*lling him

Are remarkably high...
Like, he's gonna die.

- People don't care, eddie.

All right. Uh, let's cut.

Uh, can we get nick up in here

With some more soot, please?
- Okay.

- Ed penisi,
technical consultant.

- Hey! What's up, guys?

- Oh, cap, when you
said you were working

For a different fire department,

This is not what I pictured.

Looks like a tv
show or something.

- It's the new rhonda shimes
spin-off of "pittsburgh fd."

It's called "pittsburgh
fd: Seattle."

It's pretty good.
- Oh, cool.

- Huh?
- Oh.

- Whoo. Look at uncle eddie.

You've gotten so big... Time.

- Yeah. Little
more sitting around

Than I'm used to, but
I'm not complaining.

- Hey, captain eddie.

Thanks for the tip with
the helmet earlier.

I owe you one.
- Yeah, you got it, cassie.

- Wait, cap. Who's that
girl? I think I know her.

- Oh, that's cassie
carrison, the lead actress.

She's a crossover from
"pittsburgh fd: Austin."

- No way. Cool.
- Oh, that's why.

- She's huge in australia.

- Was she in "dugglywumps"?
- Yes.

And also she was on that
australian soap opera

"great barrier reef housewives"
or something like that.

I don't know. Oh,
thank you, hannah.

I love this gig...
Best gig I've ever had.

Wild horses couldn't
drag me away.

- [sighs]

- This is free?
- Every day.

- Cap, this job is "noyce."

- So, anyway, the
station's ready.

I'm gonna go back,
and I was thinkin'

We shouldn't go back
without our captain, right?

- You expect me to
leave all of this?

They lent me a convertible.
- Oh, wow.

- Thanks, hannah.

- You should see
the station, though.

Your office is redone.

There's vibrating buttons
on the lounge chairs now.

Oh, and I have a
bidet in my bathroom.

You can use it
whenever you want.

- I have a bidet in my trailer.

- Cap, this is so awesome.

I can't believe you...
- Ike, zip it.

- No, I know. I-I...
- Lucy, he's right.

I love it here.

I get to pitch
rhonda shimes ideas.

I'm learning all
kinds of new things.

- Points! Points!

- A little warning, pal.
- Yeah.

- That actually was the
warning... "points."

That means watch your back,
something's coming through.

- Listen, I was saying,

It would be great
if you came back.

- My father fired me.

- We could get him
to change his mind.

- He owes me an apology.

- He's not gonna
apologize to you.

- Then I'm not coming back.

- Hey, eddie, can you help
me get these suspenders off?

I can't figure them out.
- I'll be right there, cass.

- Cheers, legend.
- Cheers, big ears.

[scoffs] actors, am I right?

- Wow.
- Take it easy.

- ♪ eddie ♪

- [chuckles] okay,
best job ever.

- Ike, shut up.

♪ ♪

- He wants an apology
from his father?

There's no way.
- There is a way.

You got to grovel. You
want me to grovel for him?

- If you want to get
him back here, yes.

That's what I did
to get us back here.

Hey, sometimes it's worth it.

- Did you see his ass?

- [laughs] I know,
right? It's huge.

- What's in there, pudding?
[both laugh]

- [sighs] oh, man.

Granny...
- Hmm?

You okay, man? You seem tired.

- I just haven't been
sleeping well lately.

- I think we've got something
that's gonna cheer you up.

- Okay, granny, ike
and I got you something

To make you feel more at
home in the new station.

- Come on.

- Come on, you didn't
have to do this.

- Eh, it's an
present. Come on, man.

- I didn't even get
you guys anything.

- Nah, just open it.
- Don't worry about it

- Come on.
[chuckles]

- [gasps] oh, my!

A brand-new fireman bob puppet?

Thanks, guys.
- Yeah.

- Wow.

- Granny...
- [screams]

- Don't let him
burn, too, assh*le.

- Aah!

I can't take it anymore.
I see dead puppets.

Everywhere!

- Granny, wait. Granny!

[sighs]

[person laughing wildly]

- Are you f*cking crazy?

An apology?
[continues laughing]

- Wolf boykins is the one
who blew up the station.

- And eddie was the
captain on duty.

- And I was the chief.

- And I ain't apologizing
to you either.

The only reason
you're coming back

Is because of my perfect,
angelic granddaughter

Used her sorcery on me.

- Dad. May I call you dad?

- No.

- Eddie wants to come back.

- How about you apologize to me?

- For what?
- For quitting.

- No way.
- Grovel.

- I'm sorry for quitting.
- Say you'll never quit again.

- I will never quit again.

- "thank you for making me chief

Because I married
your daughter."

- I am not saying that.

- You want eddie
back, you'll say it.

- [sighs]

Thank you for making me chief

Because I married your daughter.

- Okay.

I accept your apology.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Groveling is not a good
look on you, terry.

- So you'll apologize
to eddie, though?

- You're so pathetic that,
yes, I will apologize.

- [sighs]

- As long as he
apologizes to me first.

- For what?
- For burning down my station!

- Fine.

I'll see what I can do.

[sighs]

- Damn it! Come on!

This meteor's too hot!

It's melting the forceps.

- His oxygen's low.
We need to hurry!

Damn you, meteorite!

- Rhonda, technically, if
a meteor hits somebody,

They would die instantly.

And, of course,
if they survived,

Anything hot enough
to melt those forceps

Would burn right through
his chest cavity.

- Thanks for that, eddie.

Hey, I hear the beef-jerky truck

Just showed up.

Why don't you grab something?
- Come on!

- Where do they
keep coming from?

- Okay, sure. Yeah.
- [grunts]

Take me next time!

- Yeah, buddy, I will take...

- Hey, eddie.

- Hey, terry.
Hang on a second.

Mango habanero bag, please.

You want some beef jerky?
- Yeah, always. [chuckles]

Let me get that.

- Hey, I told you,
everything's free... here.

- A truck full of
free beef jerky?

- Mm-hmm.

- You really do
have it good here.

- That I do.

- Listen, the reason I
came here is to tell you

That your father has
agreed to apologize to you.

- He did?
- Yeah.

- Jerky.
- Mm. Thank you.

Wow.
- Provided...

You apologize to him, too.

- For what?
- The station burning down.

- Not gonna happen.

- Hey, hey, what do you
mean "not gonna happen"?

What are you talkin' about?

Hey, I humiliated
myself for you.

- Not my problem.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Hey! Don't you
walk away from me.

Hey, it is your problem.

- Terry mcconky, this
is rhonda shimes,

Creator of the show.

- Oh.
- The terry mcconky?

Eddie's always
going on about you.

"terry this, terry that."

- Oh.

Rhonda, uh, my wife, vicky,
and I very much enjoy

Your programs.

We've watched all 32
seasons of "grey's academy."

Yeah, so... [alarm ringing]

- What's happening, eddie?

- The air bottles
have run out of air.

Hang on.
- Oh.

- [chuckles]

- Damn it, eddie, I went in
there and ate crow for you.

He did the thing where
he makes you repeat

What he says, even
though you don't want to.

- Oh, I hate when he does that.
- I did that for you!

- Good. You should have.
- What does that mean?

- [groaning, gasping]

- All right, all right.
[both gasp]

- Did you ever think that
maybe you're to blame

For this, too?
- Me?

- You quit.

You didn't help
me because you had

One foot out the
door to pirate world.

- I had nothing to do
with you getting fired.

That was between
you and your father.

- Yeah? Well, I'm
not coming back.

And you can thank
yourself for that.

- You know, eddie,
the only bigger ass

Around here than
you is your ass.

- [gasps]
- hot points.

- Hot points you! I'm
going back to pirate world.

- That your mate?
- No, he's not my mate.

Ah, damn it.

- What's going on?
- Hey.

- Hey.
- There he is.

Thanks for coming, man.

- We know you've
been struggling,

So we wanted to connect
you to your ghost

So you can lay it to rest.

We're gonna have a séance.

- You guys, I don't
need a séance.

- Come on, please,
sit down. Join us.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Fine.
[groans]

- So we're gonna
connect to your puppets.

This is gonna be for the best.
- This is a wa-gee board.

Apparently it's magic. We
haven't tried it yet, but...

- Never done this
before, so, um...

- We're just gonna dive
in. Three, two, let's go.

- Fireman bob, if
you're out there,

We seek to connect with you.

Both: Are you here...

- With us?
- Right now?

[suspenseful music]

- Okay, uh, my arms feel

Like they are just
floating right now.

Granny, this is freaky.

I swear to god I am not
moving this thing at all.

- Uh, y?

Y.
- This is...

A little scary and
pretty exciting.

- E.

- I think it's trying
to spell something.

♪ ♪

Let...

- D? What does "yed" mean?

D?
- Hey, you guys.

You know what?
- You said for sure.

- We don't need to
do this. It's okay.

- Why don't we talk to
fireman bob directly?

- Yes. There is another way.

- [sighs]
- granny, if you'll indulge us

One more time.

- Fireman bob, we
are here to connect

And just are gonna keep
our eyes closed in prayer

And... and love and
deep understanding

And all things...

- If we open our eyes, and
we say three, two, one.

- Oh, god!
- It's okay, granny.

It's okay. It's okay.
He's here to forgive you.

- Do you think I'm
a crazy person?

- No.
- Do you think I need

Forgiveness from a burnt puppet?

- You've been seeing
ghosts, granny.

- Ugh, look, I've been
struggling with my memories,

And that's understandable.

But it doesn't mean that I think

That my puppets are ghosts.

That's insane.

- Wait, wait, wait.
Not in front of him.

I mean, we want to keep
him in this dimension.

We don't want...
- Okay, look.

I appreciate what you
guys are doing, all right?

But most of all, I'm just glad
to be back here with you guys.

I love you, all right?

I'ma be all right.

But did you have to go and
burn a perfectly new puppet?

- We had good intentions.
- I know you did.

- Thanks for coming, granny.
Oh, well, you blew that.

- I told you the
puppet was a bad idea.

- He's really freaking
me out, actually.

- Yeah. Let me get rid of it.
- [screams]

♪ ♪

- Wow.

I like what they've
done with the place.

- Oh, you got to be
f*cking kidding me!

- What the hell
are you doing here?

- Lucy...

Told me they were doing the
big ribbon-cutting ceremony

For the new station.

She said they had

The big scissors waiting for me.

I've been "parent trapped."

- She said she found
my recipe-nisi book

And that it didn't
burn in the fire.

Was that a "parent trap"?
- It was.

And your book did burn.
- "parent trap."

- I don't appreciate being
"parent trapped," young lady.

- You two should be
ashamed of yourselves.

Dad put himself out there,
and you both crapped on him,

And now he's gone, and
you're gonna fix it.

Gampy, apologize.
- No way.

- You set an example right now.

- [sighs]

Sorry I fired you...

When you b*rned down my station.

- Okay.
- Close enough.

You, apologize.

- No way.
- Apologize!

- Okay. Jeez.

I'm sorry you think I
b*rned down the station,

When you know it
was wolf boykins.

- Close enough.

Now figure out how you're
gonna get my dad back here.

- Whoa.
- Wow.

She really knows
how to get to me.

Jeez, your ass is huge.

- What? It's muscle.

[rock music]

- Thank you, jeff.

♪ ♪

- Are churros free?

- For me, it is.

- Seems like a pretty
good place to work.

- There some reason you're here?

- So I was thinking about
going back to station 24,

And I was wondering if you
wanted to come with me.

- Did you dad apologize to you?
- Yeah. Lucy tricked us.

- "parent trap"?
- Yeah, a good one.

- Good for her.

- All right, terry...

- What are you doing?
- Terry mcconky...

- Oh, jesus.
- Will you make me

The happiest fire
captain in the world

And say yes to coming back
to station 24 with me?

- Say "terry, you're
the best chief ever."

- Ha ha ha ha. Okay,
we're doing this?

- Yeah.

- Terry, you're the
best chief ever.

- "terry, you won the
shrimp-eating contest in 1997."

- Terry, you won the
shrimp-eating contest

Back in 1997.

- Say "terry, I will never
have sex in your office."

- Terry, I will never
have sex in your office.

- That's a lot to promise.
Think you can live up to it?

- That's how much
you mean to me.

And, yes, I do.

- Eh, get up.
- Ahh.

Ah. Oh, my god.

That's so weird.
How did that happen?

- Yeah, I figured.

- Friends?
- [grumbles]

All right, peace
offering. Have a churro.

It's...[spanish accent] churro.
- Yeah, churro.

That's what I said.
- No, no. Choo-ro.

- Chor-o. That's
what I'm saying.

- Okay. And thank
you. I accept.

Although I probably shouldn't,

'cause I got to dump
some junk from my trunk.

- I was gonna say that.

You're lookin' a
little haunch-y.

- It's very haunch-y.
Here you go, parrot.

- Yeah, thanks, bubble butt.

- What did you say?

- Oh!
- Okay. All right.

Wow. Your ass really
packs a wallop.

- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah. Let's get out of here.

Here.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, look at this guy, huh?
- Whoa-ho-ho.

- The old uniform makes
your butt look smaller.

- I know it. Slimming.
- Oh.

- Man, it feels good
to be back in uniform.

You look good, too, chiefy.
- Thank you.

Hey, aren't rhonda shimes
and "pittsburgh fd: Seattle"

Gonna miss you?
- Ah, who cares?

They never listened
to what I said.

I think I was just eye
candy. [buzzer blares]

- Box alarm, engine


Respond on the box.
- Let's do it.

- Priority one, to


- It's a pull. Ah,
I'm getting it.

Oh! So close.
- Come on.

- Hey, who's gonna be
the technical consultant

On that tv show?

- Ah, well, it just so happens
I found them a replacement.

I think he's gonna
be perfect for them.

- And eddie really
recommended this guy?

Not sure why.

- Now, here's a tip
from a real firefighter.

So there I am... I'm
on the 60th floor

By myself.
- Hold on, mate.

There's no buildings
that tall in seattle.

- Not important.

- So I'm up there on the


- Wait a minute. Didn't
you work in tacoma?

- You guys are really getting
hung up on the details.

The point I'm trying to make
is when you deliver that line,

It's got to be epic.

Can I give you a line read?
- Sure.

- The only way that
fire's gonna win...

Is over my dead body.

And scene. Huh?

- Great, yeah. Perfect.

- Points!
- Oh! My scapula!

- Yeah, can we get an
ambo for dingo over here?

- It's wolf.