04x22 - Uncharted Waters of Mediocrity

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola

The last time I saw you in the flesh,

you were sitting in that chair.

Ah, the flesh.

I don't miss it.

So, what's the plan, son?

I don't know.

Thinking about a vanilla shake.

That's exactly what I'd do.


- Eat yourself sick?


- Fill the hole.

You do it with food,

I did it with Scotch.


- You also gambled.


- Hey!

If I wanted to talk to my wife,

I would've visited my wife.

The point is,

you do what you have to do

so you can get back

to work the next day.

Call me if you need me.

I'll always need you, Dad.

All right.

What do you think?

Mm Very dapper.

Bob Wheeler is wearing last

year's spring collection

because he couldn't bring

himself to pay full price

for a Hugo Boss suit.


(CHUCKLES) You may want

to take off the tag.

Eh, leave it on.

I want potential

business partners to know

I hold out for the best price.

This factory is going

to change everything.

All over the world,

when people see a foot,

they will picture your face.

Why stop at feet? I could do gloves.


- It's really just five tiny socks.


- Mm
-hmm.

My dear, you can cover any

extremity you set your mind to.

Paparazzi is gonna love us.

"Sock mogul and surgeon wife."

Hmm. I prefer,

"Johns Hopkins educated surgeon

and sock husband."


- I should be going.


- Okay.

Hey, call me the second

you hear from them.

I don't want to find out

you got into medical school

from your mom's Facebook.

Mummy has had it on

Facebook since I applied.


(DOOR OPENS)

What's up, buttercup?

Dad? What the hell are you doing here?

Well, you tell me.

What's got you circling the

cuckoo's nest this time?

I'm fine.

Why don't you go haunt somebody else?

Hey now, that's offensive.

You see any chains here?

Did I say, "Ooh"? I'm not a ghost.

As far as I can tell,

I'm some kind of physical manifestation

of your subconscious,

here to help you externalize

your stresses and insecurities,

or you did shrooms.

I didn't do shrooms.

I don't think.

Well, let's figure this out.

How's the old lady?

Marriage is great.

How's the really old lady?

Mom's good, too.

You were always too much of a coward

to have any real addictions.

Huh. I guess nothing's wrong.

Exactly. I'll see you

the next time I go nuts.

I look forward to it.


- You know something's wrong.


- I know!


("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING)

This camera thing's looking at me funny.

Is it on?

Oh!


- It's voice activated.


- This is the future.

Kind of cool, huh?


(DEEP VOICE):

I am the great and powerful Bob.

When Abishola starts med school,

I'm gonna be in Baltimore a lot.

We have to adapt.

Only Mr. Wheeler may adapt.

If anyone else wants to teleconference,

they must use their paid time off.

BOB: First things first,

I want to update you on our

negotiations with Hanes.

Everything looks g

Bob, you froze up.

What do you think was coming next?

I heard a "guh."

So, "good"?

Could be "great."

Or "grave."

What the hell?

This is a train wreck.


(BANGING)

Son of a bitch!

Somebody brought their weekend mouth.

BOB: There we go.

I showed Hanes how much

we could save them,

and now they're squirming on

our line like a giant tuna.


- We will reel in the son of a bitch.


- Kofo.

It is business talk.

You guys are really moving

up to the big leagues.

We're really moving

up to the big leagues!


(CHEERING)

Of course,

they're gonna be having all the fun.

You're gonna be in Baltimore,

eating crab cakes with

your mother
-in
-law.

Future's looking bright, huh, guys?


(CRUNCHING)

Mom, can you eat something quieter?

The camera's following you.

That is a wonderful idea, Christina.

What is?


(CRUNCH)

Kofo and I have a whole mood board

if you'd like to see it.

I
-I'm sorry, what was the idea?


-
(CRUNCHING)


- Bob, if this is gonna work,

you got to pay attention.

I am paying attention!

Are you talking? We can't hear you.

Can you see me talking?

This is friggin' painful.

We lost him.

Ugh, this is gonna be hell.


(LAUGHING)


- That's it.


- What?

You don't want to go to Baltimore.


(LAUGHING)

You are screwed, buddy boy.

Excuse me, excuse me, move.

Whoa, too far, too far.


(PANTING) Excuse me, excuse me.

Hey! No running in my hall.

You would think with all the sex I have,

I'd be in better shape.


(EXHALES) My cousin Adeppo's daughter

just got her Johns

Hopkins acceptance email.

Oluwa mi o!

Now you see why I am glistening.

We need to remember this moment.

There's nothing.

Oh. Well, still a nice picture.

Give it to me.

It's probably in your junk folder.

Oh, of course.


- The junk folder, yes.


- Yeah, yeah.

Do you have another junk folder?


- Oh, no.


- I
-It's okay.

Maybe they're sending

the acceptance letters

in alphabetical order.

My last name is Adebambo.

Maybe they are going youngest to oldest.

In that case, you'd be very last.

Let's not sit and stare at the screen.

A watched pot never boils.

Who says?

It's an expression.

Well, it's a stupid one.

I watch pots boil all day.

Refresh the email.

Refresh!

I'm gonna go check on my patients.

Good idea.

Because a watched patient never dies.


- Refresh!


- I am refreshing! Do not shout.

I'm sorry!

This is very stressful for me!

This quaint row house is in

one of Baltimore's most

desirable neighborhoods.

Walking distance from Johns Hopkins.

Keep looking until you find something

that includes the words

"gaudy" or "extravagant."

I did not realize we'd

be house hunting already.

Uh, that's what I agreed to,

pack up and start over.

No turning back.

B
-Town or bust.

I think people call it B'more.

Well, I couldn't "B'more" excited.

Lying to your wife.

You get that from me.

Hey, check this one out. Lot of room.

Beautiful kitchen.

Look at that fancy chandelier.

So ostentatious.

I love it.

Well, I think I need a little time

to see about the school situation.

Uh For Dele.

I already picked Eastern Technical.

It's the best school

in the Baltimore area.

It's tough to get into,

but who's gonna say no

to my grades and this face?

See? Everything's gonna be great.


- You are right.


- Yeah, right.

Another Milano for my

little chocolate cookie?


-
(LAUGHING): Do not make me spill my tea.


-
(KNOCKING)

Well, if you do, I will sop you up.


(LAUGHING)


- Abishola!


- E kaasan, Uncle. Auntie.

Did you get any mail for me?

There is a stack over there.

It is all junk.

Well, except for the birthday

card from her dentist.

What? If it comes to Tunde's house,

Tunde is going to open it.

When I get him presents,

I have them delivered to the neighbor.

Who also opens them.

It has to be here.

What are you looking for?

Oh, um my credit card bill.

Other people with the

same credit card company

have already been

emailed their statements.

Do you see that panic?

That is why we will never go paperless.

E kaasan, Auntie.

Kaasan, Morenike. You look nice.

I have an interview at the

new hospital across town.

The fancy one where the

mayor got his colonoscopy.

You must get this job.

It is the first step to you

becoming the best in your field.

Yes, Auntie.

Even if you do not, you will be fine.

Well no.

She would be an embarrassment.

Of course.

But because something is the best,

does not mean it's the only option.

Eh? Maybe God has other plans.


(LAUGHTER)

Very funny, Abishola.

A
-As if anything less than

the best is acceptable.


(LAUGHTER)

Can you imagine?

To fail my family and the community

and just say "whoopsie"?


(LAUGHTER)

This house has a nice big yard.

Perfect place to put

yourself out to pasture.

I'm still gonna be

taking care of things.

And if I put my office in

this unfinished basement,

and run the washer and dryer,

it'll feel like I

never left the factory.

You see the problem here?

I know that you don't believe you.

Okay, fine.

Look, I just brought

manufacturing back to Detroit.

I deserve to stick around

and enjoy that ride.

Don't tell me, tell her.

Hey, honey.

I didn't think you wanted

me eating like that.

These are not for you.

Anybody else coming?

'Cause I'm pretty sure

that's the family feast.

Ooh, I'll take one.

These are my fries!


- What is going on?


- Nothing.

You're talking to a guy

who's eaten his way through those bags

on more than one occasion.

What's up?


(SIGHS)

I never heard from Johns Hopkins.

Which means I did not get in.

Aw, honey. Come here.

MAX: Now you don't have to move!

And you didn't have to be honest.

Go ahead, stroke her back.

Really sell it.

Okay.

Patient in 422 needs assistance.

How can we work at a time like this?

My friend is a failure.

They should ask to speak with a doctor,

which clearly I am not.

No, you are not.

You know, if our roles were reversed,

you'd tell me to stop

moping and focus on work.


(SIGHS)

At least I give good advice.

I miss angry Abishola.

This pathetic one is a buzzkill.

Give her time, she'll be all right.

She has never failed before.

We are in uncharted

waters of mediocrity.

We need to be supportive

and build her up.

That is going to be difficult

when I can barely look her in the eye.


(CHUCKLES): Oh, hello!

The patient wanted the TV remote,

which luckily I am qualified for.

Yes, you are.

GLORIA: Listen to me.

You are smarter and more compassionate

than half the doctors in this hospital.

They are the half that did

not go to Johns Hopkins.

I know things look bleak now,

but after the storm comes

a beautiful rainbow.

Right, Kemi?

Eh.

Kemi!

Abishola. Listen to me.

Where you study does not define you.

What is important is your family

and the friends you

surround yourself with.

I am lying.

The most prestigious school in

the country has rejected you.

Your life is over.

I'm surprised you can even look at me.

You see? She gets it.

I got you a tea and a lemon bar.

Just the tea, thank you.

All right. Cookie? Cake pop?

How many baked goods do you have?

I just wanted to help cheer you up.

Ugh. Failure does not

deserve confectionary.

Failure?

Would I hug a failure? Get in here.

You know, instead of thinking

about what didn't work out,

how about we focus on

what you got already.

If you say "supportive husband,"

I will smush your cake pop.

How about a job working

with your best friends,

the beautiful home we've made together?

We would have made a

new home in Baltimore.

Mm. Detroit's where we met,

where our family lives.

Plus, what would this bench

do without us?

I suppose it would have

been hard to leave.

Especially now.

What do you mean?

Just everything's really clicking here.

Life's good.

And it would not have

been good in Baltimore?

Bail. Bail right now.

I'm not saying that.

Then what are you saying?

Repeat after me:

"I was excited to go and

I'm sad that this happened."

It's just, the factory's up and running.

I'm about to close the

biggest deal of my career.

Stop freaking talking, Bobby!

So you did not want to go?

Well, the timing

wouldn't have been great.


(SIGHS) Why didn't you

tell me how you felt?

'Cause I'm an idiot,

but I'm telling you now.

'Cause you're an idiot.

And if I did get in,

you would have been miserable?

Well, it would have been worth it

'cause I love you.

But not enough for you

to be honest with me.

Good thing I did not achieve my dreams,

so you can be happy.

Don't say it.

What? You really cheered her up.

If we want to woo a

corporation like Hanes,

our marketing strategy needs

to be bigger, bolder, sexier.

While also kissing the

butt of our new cash cow.

Right. So when you buy

one pair of underwear,

you get a free pair of

MaxDot socks because

We cover everything.

What's the point of any of this?

Okay, thank you for your feedback.

Sorry, can we do this later?

Sure. We can table our pursuit

of one of the largest apparel

companies in the country

until you're in the right headspace.

Great idea.

Oh, that idea he likes.


(LAUGHS): Oh, I'm sorry.


- Go ahead.


- No.

Ladies first.


(LAUGHS): No, I insist.

No, I insist.

I insist! Get out!

If those two ain't bumping uglies,

they will be soon.

You won. Move on.

I really hurt Abishola.

The next time you feel

like unburdening your soul,

just drink.

The guilt would still be there.

Yeah, but you can't hear it

when it's drowning in booze.


-
(ICE CLINKING)


-
(CHUCKLES)

Abishola's the best thing

that ever happened to me.

If she's not happy,

I'll never be happy, either.

Oh, come on. You don't believe that.

Yeah, I do.

Huh.

I really do.

E kaale, Mummy.

Are you starting dinner soon,

or do you plan on

letting Colonel Sanders

do your wifely duties?

Um, may I speak with you first?

Not now. I'm about to find out

which Disney princess I am.

Yes, Mummy.

Belle?
(GROANS)

I, um

I did not get into Johns Hopkins.

Oh.

I failed you. I
-I am so sorry.

Sit.

I will photoshop a picture

of me in a white coat

for you to share with

your friends on WhatsApp.

Do you know why I spent my entire life

pushing you to be the undeniable best?

You wanted me to succeed.

Because I knew you had greatness in you.

I knew it


- from the moment you were born.


- Really?

You did not bother

crawling before you walked.

You taught your older brother to read.

You are strong, Abishola.

You have overcome things I

could never even imagine.

I am proud

of the woman you have become.

No acceptance letter

could ever change that.

Thank you, Mummy.

Besides, there is still hope

for the Ivy League.

Hmm.

I think it's too late for me,

at least this year.

I meant Dele.

Someone has to

take this family to the next level.

I will let him know he's our last hope.

Drill it into his

little dreadlocked head.


- Yes, Mummy.


- Mm.

How you feeling?

I'm feeling blah.

I finally understand

why Americans say that.

I'm pretty blah, too.

Is that true or are you

hiding something else from me?

Okay, fine.

I ate all the baked

goods I got you earlier.

You know I'd never

want you to be unhappy.

Well, that's just it.

If there's a smile on your face,

then I'm golden.

But it does not make me

happy for you to do things

that only make me happy.

Sounds like one of us

needs to be more selfish.

Not it.


(PHONE CHIMES)

Not now, we're snuggling.


- From Johns Hopkins.


- Get off me and open it!


- There's a link.


- Okay. Click the link.

It's loading. What takes longer?


- A yes or a no?


- There you go.

Hurry, prove you're not a robot.


- I am not a robot!


- You missed a motorcycle.


- Take, take, take, take.


- Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT)

"We are pleased to inform you

that you have been accepted

to Johns Hopkins University

School of Medicine."


- Oh, my God.


- "You are clearly the most qualified,

"capable, and beautiful applicant

this school has ever seen."

That last part was me.


- You did it!


- I did it!


- This is amazing!


- I'm so proud of you!


- Oh! But you do not want to go.


- I really don't.

What are we going to do?

I have no idea.

But whatever happens,

we're gonna be fine.

You sure about that, champ?