Wedding day!
- Babe, what's for breakfast?
- Oh!
OJ in a champagne glass
or full
-on mimosas?
Mimosa me. We are celebrating.
There is nothing better
than going to a wedding
you don't have to do anything at.
Hell yeah!
Let's hang out and get our drink on.
Ooh, maybe we'll even get a chance
to back that ass up on
the dance floor tonight.
Okay. What you think? The classics?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Babe, we got to go
Pham
-dashians up in here.
Ooh
-ooh!
- Okay. Okay.
- Ooh.
- Okay. Okay.
- Ooh. Hey.
Thanks again for doing
the speech tonight.
You know how Dad's
not the most talkative.
Yes. Well, Karthik has
many other strengths,
like putting up with your mom.
Okay.
Listen. The honour is all mine,
and I assure you I will bring it.
Nice. Yo, Andrew.
Thanks again for my bachelor party.
Eh, you wanted a good
time and no strippers,
so the answer was
easy trampoline park.
Oh, the photographer is here.
See you soon.
- Oh!
- Beta, you look great!
Aw, yeah.
Lil' Prince rolling
up in the wedding horse
with his Nikhil uncle. You know what?
I think I need to put
another coat of hair spray
on this bad boy.
What you working on, Nana Ji?
Oh, it's my speech for the wedding.
Pretty standard stuff, but I'm
most excited about the joke.
- What joke?
- Oh, it's a famous joke
told at all the Indian weddings.
It goes like this.
Carol, put out your hand.
Nikhil, put your hand
on top of Carol's hand.
Cherish this moment,
because it's the last time
you'll ever have the upper hand.
It feels kind of old and dated.
Ah, no. You see, because
Carol's hand is here,
and then Nikhil's hand goes on
Oh, I got it.
It's just not funny.
Oh.
Last time
Ma, you think you chose
big enough centrepieces?
Don't make fun. Your cousin Jane
had such small ones at her wedding.
Very cheap. It made me so sad.
These are big,
very high end.
Mm. The Asian flex. Got it.
Okay. Time for Poppa Locka to limber up.
- Ah!
- Don't, don't!
Stay and help!
Your California cousins are coming!
Tyson and Lily? So what?
They party too much.
Remember your wedding?
They kept yelling they were turnip
-ing.
Ma, it's "turnt up."
That was 16 years ago.
I also heard Tyson's a pharmacist now.
He just call himself that
because they legalized marijuana.
Oh. What about Lily? She's got kids.
Bac Thuy told me Lily is banned
from all the Chuck E. Cheeses
for starting fights with other parents.
You need to make sure
they don't cause trouble.
The same thing Carol
did for your wedding!
Aw. I'd love to help, but Camille and I,
we got this, uh, VIP
chill vibe going on today.
Oh! Ah!
Ah, Ma! You're overreacting!
They're here.
Still overreacting?
- Hi!
- Ah!
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Troi oi. Look at this guy.
Oh, Tyson, looking good.
I got that air force mot on feet, man.
- Oh, okay, okay!
- I'm a pharmacist now.
Yeah, I heard. Uh, congrats.
So let me know if you
need anything, all right?
Yeah. Sure.
Lily, it's great to see you again.
It's Hilary now.
- I've rebranded.
- Oh, why?
Well, mainly because Lily Tran
has been banned most places,
but Hilary Tran gets a fresh new start!
That is a fun loophole.
Uh, Carol and Nikhil wanted
me to chat with the guests
to remind them that
they're trying to keep
the wedding, you know, like, low key.
- Ex
-squeeze me?
- Yeah, you know,
keeping it caj. You know, no big scenes
or reasons for police to
follow up with noise complaints.
Like, we're going to
keep it turnt But down.
Quang, we get it.
Nothing, uh, too big.
Let's get a drink, huh?
Sure. I uh, it's pretty early.
I don't even think the bar is open yet.
Duty free!
Duty free, duty free ♪
Duty free ♪
Oorvi Massi!
You look so beautiful! Ah!
Oh, my gosh. Your son
is getting married today.
He finally met his match.
I was worried he was going to be single
and living in England forever.
Is this Khia?
- It is. Give your auntie a hug.
- Hi.
And Leo is around here somewhere.
He looks so cute in his kurta.
The last time I saw
you, you were so little.
Now, all grown up and so beautiful.
Thank you, and nice to
see you, Oorvi Auntie.
I feel underdressed!
Karthik, fetch me some chai.
Oorvi, you're looking well.
Rumble. You look shiny.
Ah, yes.
Well, I'm surprised your
old eyes could see that far.
Who could miss it? It's
like looking into the sun.
Ah.
Thank you, dear. Rumble.
Come. I want to show you something.
Okay. Come.
Karthik!
It's nice catching up with you.
Ah! Ah, you startled me.
Okay. Everything okay?
No! My mom has me running around
trying to manage the double
trouble Cali siblings.
Tyson and Lily? Oh, my gosh.
Are they letting Lily
across the border now?
Yo!
Oh, my God, Camille!
You look gorge!
Oh, Lily!
I love your earrings.
Right? I found them on the plane,
in someone's purse.
Yo, is that horse outside up for grabs?
- What? No. It's a rental.
- Every horse has a price, man.
Yo, it'd be nice to be a
forward cowgirl for once.
Ooh! Snap that horsy back up!
Snappy snaps!
Snap it to the sun!
Okay. Please do not snap
Buttercup to the sun.
Come on. Let's go.
Buttercup!
Leave Buttercup alone!
It's okay. It's okay.
Marriage is archaic,
but that was incredible.
I know, right? Oh, Oorvi Massi,
the wedding was beautiful.
Agreed. So, now, hopefully
the reception goes smoothly.
- It will.
- Do you remember the time your father
got us lost on that
trip to Niagara Falls?
He could never read a map properly.
So, hopefully, he won't get
so lost with his cue cards.
I mean, did you notice all
these ladies flocking to him?
Oh, yeah. No. Dad's single again,
so it's it's actually nice
to see him getting out there.
Mm. I should warn them to stay away.
Ah. Excuse me.
I need to say hello to our accountant.
Come, Karthik.
Mom, what the hell was that?
- What do you mean?
- Well, it's totally obvious
that her and Nana Ji don't get along,
but you were being so weird.
Oh. It's just best to stay out of it.
So you're just letting her
say mean things about Nana Ji.
Oh, she's from a different generation.
I mean, I'm not going
to tell her how to act.
Honestly, Khia, it is
it's just nice to see
my mom's sister again.
Yeah. Okay. I'll drop it.
Where's that DJ? You
want to back that ass up?
Babe, my ass is exhausted.
One second, they're trying
to feed the horse gin.
Then Tyson's making a
foam fountain out front.
Now, Lily's walking around with
an inflatable Asian sex doll.
Like, yay to representation,
but why a sex doll at a wedding?
Yeah. My ass is exhausted, too.
Oh. Is Oorvi being Oorvi?
Big time, and now, Khia is mad at me
because I won't say anything to her.
Oh. Hey, uh, you here by yourself?
Yeah. My husband ditched me.
Oh, what an idiot!
- He's dumb.
- So dumb.
What can I make for you?
Um, what's your specialty?
The Autumn leaves ♪
Start to fall to the ground ♪
I call this the Ocean's 11
because of the 11 different ingredients
that shouldn't work
together but somehow do.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
To this wedding and to my
husband who d*ed in a fire.
Oh, damn. He's dead now? Tragic.
Hey, Uncle. More napkins?
- Anyone need a refill?
- Tyson!
Please do not serve
champagne to the children.
But I'm a champagne papi, baby!
That's not what that means!
Whoo! Oh, boy!
Oh, my God. How are
they still conscious?
Because when Asians were created,
their ability to process
alcohol was taken away
and given to those two
and those two alone.
Hey, cheers. To us.
Oh.
Yeehaw! Giddy up!
Sorry, babe. I have to go.
Why do I hear Buttercup inside?
Cherish it,
because it is the last time
you'll ever have the upper hand.
Sounds good, man. Rock and roll.
Rumble.
I hear you're single again.
Well, that's not too surprising.
Only kidding.
I'm glad my broken heart amuses you.
Ah. You know, I remember
the day my sister told me
that she'd fallen in love with you.
An average student with long hair
and a leather tassel jacket. Mm.
Might I remind you that
that average student
became a distinguished
professor of business?
You can't just throw around
the word "distinguished."
Just kidding, again.
So, how's the speech?
Everything is great.
We'll see.
I don't need these now, dear.
I don't have pockets.
Come. The reception is finally starting.
I'm DJ Balladzzz, like DJ Khaled,
except I got the soft
stuff your girl likes.
- Okay. Okay.
- Bro, bro,
you got to put on my playlist
for the bride and groom's intros.
Yo, stop playing with the lights!
Where are the lasers on this thing?
Oh!
Lily, did you just blind Chu Hai?
Lasers fix eyes, stupid.
Just let the DJ do his thing!
Yo, I respect the young buck's hustle,
but is he from Cali? Ha.
Yo, it's time to introduce
the bride and the groom.
For the first time ever
as a married couple,
let's welcome Carol Pham
and Nikhil!
Sorry. Don't know your last name bro.
- Found the air horns!
- Whoo
-hoo!
Ladies, where you at?
Get those thongs out!
Get those thongs
Sorry, ladies.
No need to get your thongs out.
Or do. Your choice,
you don't need a man to tell
you what to do with them thongs.
Are you kidding me?
You ruined Carol and Nikhil's entrance.
This is why we didn't want you here.
But we bring the party, bro.
Read the room! Nobody wants this!
Andrew, what just happened?
This?
Nothing! It's fine.
Just a little confusion
with Tyson and Lily,
but I got it covered.
Come on, everybody! Dance!
Oh! Yeah. There's no music.
Come on, man! Put on some music, huh?
Bro, you got to go.
Hey, let's get you to your
places for a proper introduction.
We can't redo our first entrance.
We're already here.
And it was beautiful.
DJ Balladzzz?
Come on. Put some tunes on, man.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
So, does the sweating
run in your family?
No!
So, your kids are
growing big and strong.
Yeah. Yeah. They're great.
Actually, I was kind of hoping
we could start to spend
some more time together.
Look at his shaky hands.
Good thing he is not a
doctor, right, Camille?
Actually, Massi, no.
He's not the same bad boy anymore, okay?
He's a great dad and an
even better grandfather.
Camille, I was just joking.
Well, it doesn't feel like a joke.
Beti, this is just how
your father and I are.
We always fought over Aarti.
Yeah, and then she was gone,
and you two avoided each other.
And I didn't have my mom's
sister in my life anymore.
It's not that simple.
Massi, today is a celebration,
and my dad has always
been there for Nikhil.
He's not going to let him down.
Had such an
interesting, varied life.
Write an autobiography.
Well, I just want to
say tonight that, um,
it's in the works.
In any case, uh, in conclusion,
I've learned many a thing
about marriage over the years.
But the most important
thing I've learned is this.
Carol, put your hand out.
And Nikhil, put your hand
on top of Carol's hand.
Now is when you would expect me to joke
that this is the last time
that Nikhil will have the upper hand.
But as my grandson
pointed out to me,
that would be old and outdated.
No. Marriage
Marriage is about
holding on to one another
and never letting go.
Nikhil, Carol,
never let go,
and a happy marriage will be yours.
Thank you.
Whoo!
That was a really good speech, Nana Ji.
- Thank you, Khia.
- Yeah. You did great, Dad.
Oh, here comes Roger
Ebert with a thumbs down.
Well, I actually thought
you did quite well.
Thank you for speaking, Rumble.
Oh. Well, it was my pleasure.
Wait. Oorvi Auntie, why do
you always call him Rumble?
Well, when he came to pick up your nani,
we could hear his motorcycle
five minutes before he arrived,
rumbling down the street.
You had a motorcycle?
I was quite the bad boy.
You were quite the fool.
You were a brat.
This is them getting along, isn't it?
Yeah. We'll take what we can get.
Mm.
Brother, what's going on with you?
And why is my wedding so boring?
What? This is fun.
Just making sure things
don't get out of control
like they did at my wedding.
I know you tried to keep the
California cousins in check.
Just repaying the favour.
Dude, your wedding sucked.
You and Camille were so
stressed about everything,
so I asked Tyson and Lily to get litty.
Your party popped off.
And now, at my wedding,
they're super sad!
Wait. You actually want them here?
If they hadn't turned
up at your wedding,
Nikhil and I wouldn't have hooked up.
Oh, damn.
So, are you going to fix it?
All right. Time to get turnip
-ing.
Hey. I know I was a jerk.
I'm sorry for what I said.
Carol, Nikhil, the entire family,
we're happy to have you here.
Okay.
Check, one, one, two, one, two!
- Mic check!
- Come on, man!
Y'all ready to get the party started?
Because I know who can
get the party started!
Uh! Where my California cousins at?
Uh! Where my big
-time cousins at?
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Did I mention
Duty free, baby?
Finally! Yeah!
Yo, for real?
Turn it up, cuz!
Everybody make some noise!
Thank you.
- I love you, bro.
- I love you, too.
So, who's ready for
Poppa Lock to come out?
You've got what I wanted sohniye ♪
Mithi gallan karke tu na ja goriye ♪
Aye I think about it every day ♪
Baby looking like
khana khazana on a plate ♪
Like mithai, like kulfi ♪
Rasmalai, pista barfi ♪
Sar diyan vich gal ni lagdi ♪
Jadon vi tu mere raah vich chaldi ♪
Throw it back and
bu
-bu
-bubble up in front of me ♪
Everybody trying to
figure out your recipe ♪
I'm just trying to get a piece baby ♪
I know that you want
to get crazy crazy ♪
Shawty take it slow then cheti, cheti ♪
Jalebi baby ♪
Aye baby let me see it ♪
Jalebi baby ♪
May I finally back that
ass up in your direction?
Oh, I've been waiting for
you to ask me that all night.
I really need it ♪
Jalebi baby ♪
Oh baby let me see it ♪
Uh, everyone, I'm sorry to interrupt,
but, uh, the father of the groom
would like to say a few words.
Jalebi ♪