03x16 - Making New Friends/Positives & Negative

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies...

Insane teachers...

Aah!

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help

You survive school.

[Bell ringing]

Man: ♪ coming up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive it no doubt

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Escaped detention and a bunch of bullies tried to stop me ♪

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.



So you guys haven't made any new friends

In a while, and the guide says

We should always try and make new friends,

And basically, you haven't.

Yeah, I guess.

Great. Then you can be friends with faymen,

And I'm sure you'll all get along great

Because you're all great guys.

Great! See you guys later.

I don't like you.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh

So how did it go with faymen?

Something tells me he doesn't like me.

Actually, it was him.

You just have to get to know each other,

Find out what you guys have in common.

You both read. There's something.

And I like him, and it's important

That my best friend likes him.

Fine.

And got a little treat for you.

$ To super nail salon and day spa?

My aunt gave it to me,

And it expires today.

We can get manicures,

Get our faces scrubbed.

Ehhh!

Guys get manicures all the time.

Then ask faymen.

He's got a big soccer practice tonight.

Did you know he's, like, some big soccer prodigy

In brazil?

Then I suggest you ask a girl.

Of course. I'll just ask...

[Crickets chirping]

You know, I'm just gonna pick up the phone and call...

[Owl hooting]

I'm the captain of the volleyball team.

I'll just get one of my friends on the team to go.

[High-pitched scream]

My pen! My lucky pen is gone!

Gg-gg!

I aced tests with that pen,

And now I'm gonna flunk and be a flunky.

[Bell ringing]

Ok. Let's split up.

Cookie, you stay here and look for your stupid pen.

Ned, you go to study hall,

Make friends with faymen. Aah!

And I'll go to practice and find a girl

To go to the spa with.

Go!

So...moze tells me you're some big soccer star.

I'm not really a soccer guy.

I mean, what kind of sport doesn't let you use your hands?

It's like some freaky armless sport.

Ha ha ha! Oh, oh!

It is the national sport of my country.

I got to go to the bathroom. Heh heh!

Hey! Who wants to go get their nails done with me after school?

We can hang out, and it's free.

Gg-gg!

[Bell ringing]

Where's my pen! Ohh!

New weasel-catching plan?

Who catches the weasel?

The mountain lion.

And how does he do it?

He waits patiently in the tall, tall grass.

I will wait. I will catch the weasel.

I am the mountain lion.

Hey. Have you seen my luck--

Shh! I am the mountain lion!

Where's my pen?

Aah! Don't eat my face!

My pen! You found it! Ohh!

Oh. And I found something for you.

Man: ♪ born free

Look. Faymen and I are going out,

And eventually, we're gonna get married,

And as it stands right now,

You're my maid of honor.

So I need you guys to be friends.

But we don't have anything in common!

You can't find a better potential friend than faymen phorchin.

He's perfect.

So have you found a new friend to go to the nail place?

No, but I will.

Oh, yes, I will.

I cannot find one girl to go

To super nails with me.

Well, I found a new friend!

[Hip-hop playing]

Ok. One, that's a wild animal,

And two, if gordy finds out you're hiding the weasel,

He'll freak.

But the weasel's nice,

And gordy will never find out

Because as friends, we're supposed to keep

Each other's secrets.

Give me your year book.

I'm gonna pick a new friend

Because I'm friendly.

Sylvia gumpopper!

Time to meet my new friend.

[Laughter]

What's so great about faymen phorchin?

Well, maybe you're a tad jealous.

You know, moze is starting to spend more time with him,

He's tall, he's a soccer star,

He's got that crazy accent.

He is perfect.

Nobody is perfect.

And I'll prove it, and when I'm done,

Moze will realize how not so great faymen is

And dump him,

And I won't have to be his friend.

Good plan.

Speaking of plans, where's the weasel?

I don't know. He hasn't even stopped by for a bite.

Man: ♪ born free

Are you sylvia gumpopper?

Yeah.

[Loud popping]

Well, ahem, I have this great nail/spa gift certificate, and...

[Popping]

I--oh!

Aha!

You took money that didn't belong to you.

You could have walked right into the admin. Office

And seen if anyone had lost it,

But you didn't because you're selfish.

No. Every time I find money,

I save it and donate it to charity.

Oh. That's nice. Ggh!

Moze hates bad dancers,

So let's see if mr. Perfect can dance.

Hey, faymen, get down, get funky!

Right. Because you can't dance.

♪ Jump all around, jump all around ♪

♪ Step one, want to dance ♪

♪ Burns through your feet, it gets deep ♪

♪ You can jump when the b*at gets up ♪

♪ You can't keep or resist the breeze through ♪

♪ The rain

♪ Take it, come on, freak it out ♪

♪ You got it now

Nice dance. Heh.

Fine. I'll hit on him,

But only if you tell me again it's because I'm

The prettiest girl in school

You're the prettiest girl in school.

I know. Ok.

Now, ask him out so I can prove

He's got a cheating heart.

Faymen, I was thinking,

You and I should go out sometime.

I am the prettiest and most popular girl in school.

My fart belongs to moze.

Say what?

My fart belongs to moze.

His heart. He means his heart

Belongs to moze!

Is there a problem here, ned?

No. There's no problem because you're perfect!

So let's be buddies!

Ah, ha ha! Gotcha!

You're not a weasel.

Why are you stealing free weasel food?

Are you hiding something?

No. Uh...

I'm just hungry.

All right. Where is he?

[Hip-hop playing]

Eeh! Ohh!

You caught the weasel,

And I'm shipping him off tonight!

No. H-h-he's my friend.

He's deadly. Look at my face.

No. H-h-he's good now, not wild.

He can be well-trained, fun,

And a nice school pet.

Give me the rest of the day to train him,

And I'll prove it!

All right. You got till the end of the school day,

Or it's of to the paraguay zoo with that thing!

Ehh. Ohh.

Well?

What can I say?

He's perfect like you said.

I love him.

Now if only I could find a go-with-me- to-super-nails friend.

Well, you hated susie before you became friends.

Maybe you just need to hang with someone you can't stand!

So ned suggested since I hated susie and we became friends,

Um, and since I hate you,

We could be friends.

Well, that does make a lot of sense,

And I do like manicures.

So I'll meet you after school.

Why not?

I'm sorry. I might have been jealous

And set you up to fail,

But you were rude to me first.

Jennifer talks about you all the time,

And maybe I didn't want to like you.

Well, you got nothing to worry about

Because you're perfect, I'm not,

And we have nothing in common.

I'm not perfect because I lie

A lot.

I find missy very attractive,

And I was going to buy dvd with this, not donate it,

And I don't have soccer practice tonight.

I just don't want to get nails done.

I lied to you. I told moze I liked you

When I didn't!

We do have something in common.

We're both liars!

I threw veggie soup in the nurse's toilet yesterday

And said I threw up to get out of a test.

I once told a girl I was the prince of brazil to get date.

There is no prince of brazil.

On my signal, louisa will run down this ramp,

Then through the slalom,

Over these jumps,

Dash through these tubes,

Up the ladder, across the high wire,

Then jump into the tiny weasel pool below.

Well, if that weasel can do all of that,

He can stay and be the school pet.

Ok. Show gordy what you got.

Aah! Aah!

Gordy: now you got--ohh!

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Ned: so if you're trying to make new friends, remember,

Rule out weasels.

Instead, try new things--

Join clubs, change lunch tables,

Try intramural sports.

You don't have to be a great athlete.

Just have fun and make a bunch of friends.

Yeah! See, you used your hands.

Ned: and never judge a new friend by its cover

Because they may be nicer than you think.

Well, I'm off to my big soccer practice.

Have fun at nail place.

Great. You guys get new friends,

And I can't find one girl to take to the salon

And talk girl stuff.

I got to say, it's a lot of fun

Hanging out with you girls.

Hey. What are friends for?

But this is a one-time thing.

I like getting my nails done.

No, you don't.

So when the air is dry

And your feet rub the carpet,

An excess of positive or negative charges is created,

Which is why when you touch someone,

Those charges balance themselves by jumping to the other person,

Causing a shock.

[Static crackles]

Aah! Aah!

Ha ha ha!

The positive and negative--

It's a big part of science and a big part of life.

If you think positive, good things can happen.

Think negative, bad things can happen.

Err!

Aah!

In fact, studies have shown that having a positive outlook on life is contagious.

Makes people around you feel great.

Life is great!

Dr. Xavier: everyone, transferring into our class is marc downer.

Life stinks.

Unfortunately, negative thinking is contagious, too.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh

[Bell ringing]

Why did sweeney have to teach loomer about static electricity?

Aah!

You think loomer's bad?

Marc downer, aka the most negative kid at polk,

Transferred into my math class.

Just let your positive energy cheer him up.

He could use it.

Why are you so uppy-puppy?

I've got a big date with faymen after school,

And I think today might be the day we kiss.

[Snickers]

Both: you haven't kissed yet?

Would you... Ow!

On the first date, he had a cold.

On another, my dad came with us,

And the last time he walked me to the door,

I had nacho mouth,

But today, I will not eat nachos.

We will kiss, and sparks will fly.

Thanks for a wonderful date.

Huh?

[Bullies laughing]

[Buzzer sounds]

I'm immune to shock.

Find cook.

So did sparks fly?

Did your lips burn from the heat?

It was--gg-gg-gg--

Both: no sparks.

Aah!

Maybe I'm just getting a cold or I was nervous,

But the next kiss will be magical. I know it.

[Girl screaming]

Great story. Got to go. Bye!

Nyaah! Nyaah!

Ohh, ohh!

Ohh!

I can't escape the downer.

He's k*lling me.

What are you doing?

I'm negatively charged,

Totally static and electric.

I'm gonna zap loomer back to the stone age.

Ggg! Aah! Argh!

Maybe I should have tried a positive charge.

Maybe I should, too.

You still running from downer?

Nope. I'm looking for him

Because I'm gonna cheer him up.

His negativity has made me realize

You can't run from your problems.

You got to stay positive and run right at them.

You're right.

I'll run at him.

Like the movies. It will be romantic.

We'll get swept up in the moment,

We'll open our arms,

Things will slow down,

We'll meet, we'll kiss,

And sparks will fly.

Oh, yeah. I'm running.

[Groaning]

[Whistling]

Ok, bigby. Stay positive.

So, marc, you seem a little bummed.

What's the point? There's no hope.

Well, we'll see about that

Because I'm gonna cheer you up!

We live in a barren universe of nothingness.

We do live in a barren universe of nothingness.

Well, worse than that, now when I kiss faymen, I get hurt.

Hmm.

[Clang]

There's got to be a way to stop

Downer's negative negativity!

Yaggg!

Wait that's it.

You're gonna shock him on the ear?

Opposites attract, right?

That's why cookie keeps getting shocked.

Yaar!

Since downer's super-negatively charged,

Then all I've got to do is find

A positively charged superstudent

To put him in balance.

But who?

Hiya, guys. What a great day.

I mean, sure, I flunked my math quiz,

But it's just great to be alive!

Time for plan querly.

Ohh!

Oh, man. The basement's flooded!

I have to dry it out with these

Giant, powerful, air-drying dehumidifiers.

Time for plan gordy!

Wait! What about me?

Time for plan xavier.

So when this boy you really like kiss you,

You feel pbbt!

He's great and sweet and cute,

But when I kiss him, there's just no spark.

I may be math teacher,

But I do know few things about love

Because I read romance novels.

The setting for a big kiss has to be just right.

You must hold each other as the music swells.

And let the sun hit your face

As the warm wind blows

And doves

Fly.

He is right.

And then you...

Dr. Xavier!

Oh. That was hot.

But that kind of thing only happens in romance novels,

And I don't think I can get faymen to a tropical beach

By seventh period.

Ja, okey-dokey.

Class, we are going to help jennifer get sparky kiss.

Av squad, I need huge rear movie screen projector.

Garden club, I need beautiful flowers.

Right. Crony, I'm gonna need

A superpretty, frilly dress.

I don't--heh...

Fine.

Choir, I'm gonna need some singing.

♪ Ok

Where can I get some doves?

This is absolutely, positively gonna be the greatest kiss ever!

All right, martin. You the man.

Just get in there and show him the power of being positive.

Easy. Positive thinking emits only positive thoughts into the mind.

Ideas and images will both go--

Save it for downer.

Go!

Hey, marc. I'm martin. Have you ever thought about being positive?

It could change your life. In fact, studies have shown that happy people have

Lower risk of heart att*cks

And despair.

Hopelessness. I mean...

Positive energy can help...

And agony. We're all gonna die.

I mean, if we just try to think more positive and...

Horror, pain, too much negativity.

Too much nothingness.

Just too much negative!

I don't get it.

Opposites are supposed to attract.

In science, yes, but pop quiz!

What do we get when you multiply negative times negative?

A positive. Of course.

Two negatives! Thank you, math!

Sarah, how would you like to partake

In a math experiment that proves

Through interpersonal communication

When you multiply a negative by a negative

You get a positive?

Every day, I look at the sun,

And yet I feel no warmth.

Perfect!

Sarah, marc. Marc, sarah.

Want to hear some industrial noise?

Want to see my collection of rotting fruit?

I think downer just smiled, and they're about to touch!

Eww. That's bad.

No. That's good. Marc's happy.

Not for long!

Loomer hangs out in here seventh period,

So we put dehumidifiers in there

To make the air superdry and turbo-shocky.

Yeah. Right now, that room's basically an electrostatic time b*mb.

What?!

Kiss me now, you perfect thing.

Noooooo!

Wow. Wow.

Thanks, ned. Thanks, ned.

My plan is ruined!

Yeah, but neddy's plan worked out.

Sort of.

He's coming! He's coming!

Aah!

Ok. Cuing fan.

Start projection now.

Cue the choir.

♪ Ahh ahh ahh

Just like in a romance book.

Yes, I know.

Jennifer, you look amazing.

Choir: ♪ ahh ahh ahh ahh

♪ Ahh ahh ahh ahh

Nothing.

Well, that's a wrap, everybody.

Great job, though. It looked great.

[Bell rings]

Somebody get him.

Man, that was some kiss.

Not really.

No. Look. They're happy.

Everyone's happy.

And scary.

I went with plan sweeney.

And since rubber doesn't conduct electricity,

Mr. Cook can redirect it.

Ha ha! Ha ha!

[Sputtering][sputtering]

Now that's what I call being positive.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh

Action!

[Laughter]

But only if you tell bllsh mm mn.

And I do like make bbll mm mm.

No!

Oh, ho.

Ok. That's a cut.

And cut.

Ohh! Oh, ho ho!

I'm gonna pick a new friend.

[Clang]

Whoa.

[Laughter]