02x35 - Snow Country for Old Men

[bunniefuu]

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- ♪ Jingle bells, Cody smells ♪

♪ But it's not his fault ♪

(Sighs) The season's first snow.

Okay, kids! Who's ready for some--

All: (Shivering)

- So c-c-c-cold.

- Ooooh, caught a chill, huh?

Well, I know someone who can put the hype

back in hypothermia!

(Drum roll)

WINTER WONDERMAN!

Winter Wonderman is a bit I do every year.

The kids love it when I dress up.

- When Chef dresses up it makes my eyes barf.

And Winter Wonderman's his lamest character...

by far.

- And you kids all know what Winter Wonderman's

all about, right?!

OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES! WOO!

All: Nooooooo! (Ice cracks)

(Landing thud, all groan)

- Our first activity will challenge your reflexes

and teach you about team spirit...

Snowball fight!

- Yay. I love snowba--(OOF)

(Crash!)

(Pained moans)

- Oops. Okay? Let's try some snow angels!

- (Farts)

(Giggles) (Snow melting)

Oh, I shouldn't have had jalapeno poppers

for breakfasssssssssst!!

- Little deep, huh?

Uh-oh. These outdoor activities aren't going as planned.

Better bring out the big g*ns.

♪♪♪

Ta-daaaaaa!

What's wrong with you kids?

How can you not be excited about a Winter Wonder-Snowman?!

- (Shiver) C-c-c-ccause the class is fffreezing

and Cody's being eaten by a penguin.

- You're the th animal I've been inside!

(Penguin gaks)

- Chef, it's j-j-j-just too cold

to have fun outside today.

- Okay, okay, but Winter Wonderman

has one more trick up his onesie.

No one can resist a snowman...

that glows!

(Energy pulsates)

All: Ooh. Ahh. Wow.

- YES! All hail Winter Wonderman!

(Electricity fizzles)

OH NO!!!

Cody: Someone tell me what's happening!

(Punching thud) OOH! - It's gonna blow!

- (Fizzles)

- (Jolly laugh) Why hello, new friends!

I'm Flakey the Snowman!

- A living snowman?! Sweet!

- Ah, ah, hold on, kids!

- Now what do we say every time a toy, lawn gnome,

or piñata comes to life?

All: It probably wants to eat us.

- Jingle bells, no!

All Flakey wants is to enjoy

this marvelous winter day with you.

- Thank you, new best friend.

(Sad squawk)

- Can we play with him, Chef?

Pleeeeeeaaaase?

- But I thought you kids were too "cold"

to be outside.

- Not if Flakey's here!

He's so cool.

- Winter-iffic!

Now who's up for a snowball fight?!

All: (Cheering)

- Now that's cold.

So that flake thinks he can out-wonder Winter Wonderman?

Oh, let's see him compete with this!

(All laughing playfully)

Chef: Hey, kids!

Now that you love snow,

who wants to go tobogganing?!

- Down what?

That bump?

- Oh, fruit cakes.

Anything can be fun with a little winter magic.

(Electricity fizzles)

(POOF)

- Oh, that's not good.

(Wind whistles, plane roars) - Woooah!

Ahhh, sugarplums.

(Grunting)

Ahhhhhhh!

WHAAAAAA!

Hey, this is kinda fun!

(SMASH!) OOF!

All: (Shocked gasps) - Ew.

- (Pained grunt)

Well, I can't b*at Flakey at winter fun,

but I'll always win at story time.

(Prideful sigh)

"The Elf Who Fell Off the Shelf And Never Returned."

Perfect.

Kids, it's story time--WHA?

- Whoa! (Falling scream)

(Landing thud) Ouf! All: (Cheer) Yeah!

- Oh no! Nothing's better than a cartoon!

- Flakey? You're the best teacher ever.

- Jealous? Of a snowman? Hahaha.

Of course not.

I am a teaching professional.

(Mug shatters, winces)

- I can't believe I used to think

all you guys were good for

was melting in the spring for our amusement.

Ha ha. You're all mwaaaa!

I'm melting!

- Hehehe, melting is funny.

- Oh, yes. Slowly boiling alive.

While humans watch and laugh.

And then they bring us back every winter to do it again

and again and again!

- Alright, class!

Playtime's over. Everyone back inside.

All: (Cheering)

- Sorry, Flakey. No snow inside.

School rules.

All: BOOOOO!

(Chanting) FLA-KEY! FLA-KEY! FLA-KEY! FLA-KEY!

- That's it! Either he goes or I go!

(Door slams)

Well, I lost my job to a snowman.

Somehow, I always knew this is how it would end.

(Teeth chatter)

- I turned down the temperature a few degrees

so you're more comfortable.

- Aww, how thoughtful!

But how about we turn it down by...

ALL the degrees!

(Whooshing)

Now to deal with you!

- Um, I'm not sure I like your inside games

as much as the outside ones.

- Game? Oh this is no game!

This is REVENGE!

- Neat. Revenge against who?

- (Sigh) Against you! Ya warm-ohs!

(Electricity fizzles)

Every winter humans make us.

And then every spring do nothing

while we melt in drippy anguish.

(Kids giggle)

Then our wounded souls become trapped

in the cloud realm

until another winter comes.

We have had enough!

So we planned our revenge

and then waited for someone foolish enough

to bring us to life.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have some fellow snow colleagues to resurrect.

(Maniacal laugh)

(Electricity fizzles)

Meet Snow sh*t! Ice fist!

Freezer Burn! Dirty Dirk!

And... Carl

- BRRR! (Shivering)

(Sighs) Thanks a lot, Mr. Penguin.

If I was out there any longer,

I'd have turned into a Chef-sicle.

(Croaks in agreement) - (Sighs) You're right.

This is all my fault.

(Crying)

Oh, what I wouldn't give to hear

those sweet children's voices again!

Kids: (Screaming) HELLLP!

- Yeah. Just like that.

Wait a second.

Those sweet children's voices sounded

like they were in trouble!

(Kids screaming) - HELLLLLLLLP!

- I knew that frozen punk was up to no good.

I mean, I had no idea.

But I do now!

This looks like a job for...

WINTER WONDERMAN!

(Stomps, shocked squawk)

(Hockey sticks rattle, bang)

- Ow! Stop it! - Don't do that!

- How the snow tables have snow turned!

(Cackles)

Enjoy, brothers and sisters!

Today, we freeze this school!

Tomorrow, THE WORLD!

(Snowman cheering)

- (Thud) OOF!

- Looks like spring's comin' early this year.

All: (Happy) CHEFFFF!

- NO! SNOWMEN!

ATTAAAAAACK!

- (w*r cry)

(Hard thud)

- (w*r cry)

- Meet Hair Force One! (Dryer whirs)

- NO, NO, NO! NO! (Splash)

- Come on, kids. Get in the game!

Here, Owen. Drink some hot sauce

and do what you do best!

- Huh? (Gulp!)

Oh, I get it!

(Groans) (Stomach rumbles)

- I think I wanna go home.

(w*r cries)

(Dryer fizzles) - UH OH...

- (Laughs)

His hair care products can protect him no longer!

- Revenge! - OOF!

- Ice work!

NOW ICE HIM OUT!

This is gonna hurt!

(Stomach rumbles, farts)

(Gas hisses, all coughing)

- Sorry, Flakey.

Revenge might be a dish best served cold?

But you're about to get hot under the collar.

- Whaaat?

All: (att*ck yell)

(Bites) - He tastes like pain.

- (Grunts) - (Sizzling)

- (expl*si*n)

- I've always wanted to do that.

(Nervous laugh) - Okayyyy soooo uh...

I think you kids learned your lesson.

I-I'll see myself out....

Chef: (Angry growl)

Oh, but you have to stay for...

DESSERT!

- Really? Is that the best you've got?

- COOOOOOKKKKIIIEEEEE!

(Zapping sounds)

- (Gasps) Wha-OOP! Mmmf! (Rumbling)

- Yummm!!! - Ahhhhh!

(Flakey splats) All: (Cheering) YAY!

- You may have won this round,

but I'll be back again next winter!

And the one after that!

And some day soon,

another insecure teacher will bring me to life!

You'll see!

- Hmm. He makes a good point.

Maybe we shouldn't completely destroy him after all?

- Fine by me.

I know just the place for ol' Flakey here.

(Dripping) - Oh, right.

I guess it IS kinda warm in here.

Oh well.

All: (Laugh)

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