03x28 - The Big Bangs Theory

[bunniefuu]

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- Gather round, kids! It's movie day!

- Sweet! - Yee-Haw!

- And today's movie is... a safety video!

All: (Groan)

- Oh come on! Another boring safety video?!

Nuh-uh, I'm outta here!

- Oh-ho no you don't! Anti-escape measures, GO!

(Flames whoosh)

(Saw slams, whirs)

(Snarling, snaps)

(Laughing)

(SLAM) Eugh. Owwww.

- Why have all these traps if the door is locked?

- Because everybody loves action sequences.

Now gather 'round and learn how to be safe.

- Okay, none of those traps were "SAFE".

- Now-now, Courtney.

We won't know that until we watch the video.

Safety is the state of being safe.

I read that in a BIG book of word meanings.

So I'm making the kids watch safety videos on everything.

So far we've watched safety videos on hot air ballooning...

gift wrapping... and zip lines.

Today's video is about... Bee Keeping!

- Everyone loves honey.

But milking bees is dangerous work.

That's why I always have my trusty bee swatter.

(Angry buzzing) - That's not good.

- So bored. Can't stay...

a... wake.

(Snores)

Okay, I'm shuttin' this down.

Oops. My bad.

- Duncan?! Ugh.

Hang on, kids. (Buzzes)

Uh-oh, the safety site logged me out. No problem.

I can log back in!

Ummmmm...

- Is time frozen? He's not moving.

Courtney: Chef? Did you forget the password?

- Shusha-shushy pants! I'm thinking!

It had something to do with explosions.

- Umm, why?

- I subscribed to the safety site

cause the school kept exploding.

- HA! The school's exploded times!

The password could be anything!

Wow. I just put an end to safety forever.

And I wasn't even trying.

And a'you're a'welcome.

All: (Thinking hmms, umms)

- What are you--(Gasps)

Are you trying to think of the password?!

STOP IT!

- A high percentage of brain function

is actually involuntary,

so people can't just stop thinking.

- Wrong, doofus! I'm almost never thinking!

- Now that I believe.

- Thank you, Courtney!

- (Gasps) I know what the password is!

It's SHARKS!

- What do sharks have to do with explosions?

- Don't you remember?

Sharks may seem scary,

but they're endangered and need our help.

That's why I've filled the school with water

and turned it into Izzy's orphanage for wayward sharks.

- I can't believe I agreed to this!

- NO ONE CAN.

- I hope no one's allergic to sharks.

- Relax, I'll get Cody to put on some scuba gear

and distract them.

- No feeding Cody to sharks. - Fiiine.

I'll use a Cody-doll,

but the lack of screaming will make it less fun.

(Splash)

(Sharks roar)

- Duncan, how does this help?

- The oxygen t*nk'll explode when one of them bites it.

Oh good, that'll--

(Big expl*si*n)

- Sadly, the expl*si*n means

sharks are even more endangered now than before.

But the password is SHARKS!

- Okay. I'll try it--

(Beeping, buzzes)

Nope. Oh well, no harm done.

(TV chimes)

Oh... I forgot about that.

I only have four tries to get the password right.

If I get it wrong a fourth time?

The computer EXPLODES!

It was supposed to make it safe, but now it seems

like that remote technician gave me bad advice.

What was I thinking?

Exploding security code?

I better write it down.

- No, don't do it. Never write down a password!

Someone could find it! And never say it out loud!

Someone could be listening!

Never even think it! Someone could read your mind!

Wipe it from your mind, sir!

- Is that really a good idea?

- Pos-o-tutely!

- I can't let the school blow up a hundredth time

or the school board will (Sigh)

make me get my teaching certificate.

That. can. not. happen!

Okay children, just to be safe

let's all stop trying to login. Forever.

- So it's safer to not watch safety videos?

- (Sigh) I don't wanna talk about it.

Let's play a game or-- - WOOHOO!

No more safe-ty vid-e-os!

Duncan's a champ, Chef is a chump,

a slumpy, grumpy chumpalump-chump.

- (Growls) (Sigh)

Anyone else have a guess at what the password is?

- Oh-oh, I know! It's PIZZA!

- Umm?

- Remember that day when...

I made pizza presents for EVERYONE!

Here's a veggie one for Izzy.

Extra mushrooms for Jude. Goat for Sugar.

- Mmm, pizza presents.

Which one is for your favourite teacher?

- Oh, sorry, I forgot all about you.

- That's super hurtful.

- I'll bake an extra special one. You'll see.

(Humming)

Extra special, la-la-la.

(Humming)

- Gee, Owen. Are you putting these ingredients on there?

You promised Chef it'd be extra special.

Is this not good enough?

Wh-what should I put on it?! Duncan, help me!

- The key word is extra.

So how about sausages, a whole pineapple,

a pork shoulder, a full jar of peanut butter,

a bottle of soda and some mints...

- Hey, Chef! Your pizza present is almost ready!

- I haven't had pizza for a while

so this will be a nice treat.

- Just wait for the timer to go off.

Catch ya later, Chef!

(Ding!) (Huge expl*si*n)

- For the record, the bits that went into my mouth

were delicious.

Okay, PIZZA it is!

(Keys beep, buzzes)

AAAH--I mean...

AA-OH, well. Heh...

- Wait! The password HAS to be magnify.

Remember? The magnifying glass?

Hey Chef, what's this weird string?

- What am I, a string-ologist?

- You should take a closer look.

- This magnifying glass will help.

- Thank you, Duncan. Upon closer inspection,

it looks like a fuse or a wick.

You know, to light fireworks or dynami--(Gasps)

(Sizzling) - Ahh! Put it out, put it out!

Ohh, that can't be good.

Ahhh, Ooohh!

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Oh no!

OH, COME ON!

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(Traps snapping) OW! Mousetraps!

(Eagle screeches) No! Bad eagle!

(Swiping sounds) When did we get a lion?!

(Lion roars) AHHHHH! AHHHH!

(Sizzling)

(Huge expl*si*n)

- Thanks, Harold.

And to think I'd finally blocked that out.

Magnify has gotta be it!

(Beeping, buzzes)

(Gasps)

- That's enough wrong answers for one day.

Type in cow fart. Y'all know why.

- Kids, I brought in a cow

and we're gonna learn how to milk it.

- What for?

- Because they're way easier to milk than bees.

Now, cows eat a diet of corn and other cows--

- Really? Because it seems to like this broccoli burrito.

- Whoa, hold on there, kid.

That'll make the cow really gassy.

- Uh-huh. How gassy?

(Moos, stomach rumbles)

(FAAAAAAAAAARTS)

(All gagging)

- (Coughs) Somebody open a window!

Cow farts are REALLY flammable!

- (Coughing) What did she say?

- She said to light a scented candle.

- Good idea.

One of my homemade candles will do.

Rosewater and fudge or lavender beaver dam?

- Why not both? - Good choice.

(Big expl*si*n)

- Yep. It's cow fart. - Oh yeah, that's gotta be it.

- Makes sense. - Worth a try.

- That expl*si*n did happen

right before you got the computer.

- Hmm. Okay. Cow farts.

Here it goes...

Gonna do it...

aaany second now...

(Sigh) Kids, I can't do it.

- Awwe. Since when did you all become teacher's pets?!

- Duncan, do you really think the password is Cow Fart?

- Yeah. I remember when you came up with it now.

You said you'd never forget such a gross password.

- Well, thank you for your honesty and in your face!

It's gonna be like a cow farted safety up in here.

(Beeping)

You still think you're a champ and I'm a chump?

- Pos-o-tutely.

- (Realizing gasp)

- The oxygen t*nk'll explode when one of them bites it.

The key word here is extra.

This magnifying glass might help.

How gassy?

Pos-o-tutely!

- WAIT! The password isn't cow farts!

It's DUNCAN!

Because he was behind every expl*si*n!

And he's the one who rigged this computer to explode

if I got the password wrong four times.

All: (GASP) - It's gonna WHAT?!

- How are you only mentioning this now?!

- Courtney, please? We're having a moment here.

That's right, Chef. I was behind every expl*si*n!

And I'm about to be behind this one!

- But, why?! - Seriously, why?

- Because it'll be our one-hundredth expl*si*n!

It's a big deal! I'll finally get an award

from the Demolition Dudes!

I'll have my own Boomie!

- There won't be an award!

Because I discovered your plot just in time.

- Did you? Cause your finger's on the enter key.

- Awwwww mannn...

(Computer beeps, buzzes)

(Big expl*si*n)

Chef: Duuuun-caaaaaan!!!

- Whoa! One hundred. Boom.

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