02x07 - Bystander Ben

[bunniefuu]

Hi, dad, good morning.

How are you?

Did I oversleep?

What?

What time is it?

It's about 8:30.

I should be waking you up now,
what's going on?

Well, got up on
my own this morning.

I decided I'm making
you breakfast.

Well, that's really sweet, Ben.

And it's just about ready.

Great, and what's that?

You're packing
a lunch for later?

Well, no, that would be
for breakfast.

Well, I appreciate it, Ben.

It's just that
my appetite for bologna.

Hasn't really peaked at this
hour of the day.

Yeah, dad, this isn't
a restaurant, okay?

You can't just come in here
and order a meal, all right?

You want me to cut off
the crust for you?

No, I don't.

Okay, then, I won't.

Well, it's not so much...

Just sit down, dad, and, you
know, and I'll serve it up.

You got the coffee brewing?

You know I do.

I'll take a cup of Joe.

I love the Joe, myself.

I didn't hear you come
in last night.

You must have come in very late.

I was in a little bit
late, yeah.

You want the paper?

Yeah, but do me a favor...

If you're gonna be out late,
please give me a ring.

I will, I will.

What is that,
what are you showing me?

Yeah, have a look-see.

Holy frijole, hold on a second.

Check, please.

Ben?

That's my boy.

Yeah, thanks,
I'm in the paper today.

What does it say here?

"Bystander, Benjamin Katz."

That's...
That's my boy.

"According to bystander,
Benjamin Katz,

no more than three sh*ts,
and possibly as few as none... ".

That's correct.

"Were fired."
That's me.

That's what I said.

That's why there
are quotes around it.

I'm quoted in the paper.

Read slowly.

"Benjamin Katz..."

I witnessed a crime
last night, dad.

And are they gonna, uh,
subpoena you as a witness?

I don't know yet,
I didn't find out.

I just talked to the reporters.

And a couple of other people,
I talked to.

And you gave him your name,
the reporter, huh?

Yeah, yeah, well, she asked.

She asked for it.

No, because very often witnesses
will choose to remain anonymous.

Is that true?

Yeah.

Don't get me wrong...

I'm proud of you
for coming forth and...

Well, I felt I had to, dad.

There was nobody
else there coming forward.

Except the other witnesses.

Huh.

Dr. Katz's office.

Hi, this is Steven Wright.

I'm gonna be a little bit late,

because I keep getting
distracted.

By the stuff out here.

I'll be there in a few minutes.

Thanks.

Hi, this is for you.

Just kidding.

I have an


I'm 380 seconds late.

I don't know if you wanna
notify him or just tell him,

but I'm here and I'm ready.

I'll just sit over here.

You know, I don't know if
you know this or not,

but I consider you
my best friend.

You may be looking at
it a different way, but...

I'm just gonna wait over here.

Are you on any
kind of medication now.

Or have you taken
any medication?

I've taken robitussin.

That's, you know... I got
a little bit addicted to it.

I would try to get sore throats
on purpose and stuff.

I don't know
if I liked the taste.

Or if it actually made me
a little bit high or...

Sprouts aren't medication?

No, sprouts
aren't, at all, medication.

I love sprouts.

Yeah.

How many cups of coffee
have you had today?

This is my third.

I usually have
between three and 12.

And now I'm on my third,

and I'm getting a little
bit wired up now.

Is that why you asked me?

No, because I remember you were
telling me last week.

That you would have sometimes
four or five cups of coffee.

Before your first cup of coffee.

I start counting the coffees
at 9:30,

so if I drink a coffee
before that, it doesn't count.

Now, are you able to sleep
all right?

I haven't slept straight
through in about 15 years.

I sleep in shifts.

I sleep for an hour, wake up,

sleep for an
hour and a half, wake up.

It's almost like I'm on watch.

I'm on watch.

Like in the world w*r ii movies,

where one guy would sleep,
and the other guy...

You know, they
would go back and forth?

Except there's only one guy, and
there's nothing out there.

If I characterized you
as being hyper-vigilant.

About your surroundings,

does that describe you,
do you think?

I don't know what that means.

I'm not sure myself.

I'm just working
from a text here.

But you have all the symptoms
of one of those guys.

Do you experience
shortness of breath?

No.

Do you have palpitations?

No.

Do you have intrusive thoughts?

Impossible.

Thoughts that intrude on your
ability to function?

Oh, yes, but
they're created by me.

They're not brought in from
the outside.

I misinterpreted the question.

All of your thoughts
are created by you.

Yep.

That's the nature of thoughts.

Look, how abstract are you
gonna get in here?

I mean...

Blue.

What is your point?

All I'm saying is if you
have intrusive thoughts,

it's a mechanism of
self-sabotage.

It's your own mind interfering
with your ability to enjoy life.

I guess I have them.

I'll admit it.

Told you.

Can I ask you this, too?

Is there a history
of depression in your family?

Yup.

And how far back does it go?

Years.

My grandparents
were from Europe,

and, you know, I don't
think my family.

Ever adjusted
to the time change.

Hey, Laura, how are you?

Okay, how are you?

Good, you know, I took
a walk over here.

I'm a little bit sweaty.

Great.

Why are you here?

Well, I was taking a walk
and then I came up.

Did you... you didn't
happen to get today's paper?

Yes, I did.

Did you look in the
Metro crime section?

Yeah, I think so.

I read the whole paper, I think.

Yeah, did you notice that
I was quoted?

'Cause I was a witness
to a crime last night.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

They quoted me.

They took a quote from me.

'Cause I was an eyewitness
to a...

That's dangerous, you know.

...to a crime.

I mean, your name
was printed in the paper.

I mean, whoever...

I mean, it was
a dangerous scene, but...

No, I mean, they know
your name now.

Who does?

The criminals.

No, criminals can't read.

I see.

Well, then, I guess you're safe.

I'm a bystander, Laura.

You're looking at
a bystander right here.

I could have told you that.

I wanna ask you, first of all,

if you're afraid of heights.

Uh, I used to be.

You got over it?

Yeah, I just realized that
there was other directions,

and why focus on one?

And I became completely relaxed.

And what about your fear
of the clock?

You think you can trace that
back to when you were a kid?

Is that right?

Because at night,
when I was a boy,

sometimes I'd be down eating
my lunch at midnight,

and my mother would
come out, and she'd say,

"oh, no, no... lunch is
the other 12:00."

What's up, Ben?

Well, you know,
I'm a little bit...

I read the article over
and over.

And it's good, I said
a lot of good things.

I think I was right on,

on most of the stuff
I was talking about,

but I got a little uncomfortable
with the name, again.

I mean, I hate to come
back to the name thing,

but Ben just doesn't read well.

And I'm thinking that
if I'm gonna go on.

To maybe be in
another article someday.

Or maybe sh**t over to TV,

because I know
the media's all connected,

that Ben is just kinda boring.

You know, I'm thinking
something like maybe...

That skews a little younger,

a little more media-friendly,
maybe, like Zeus Katz.

I happen to disagree with you.

Zeus.

I like the name Ben,
and I also don't think.

That you need to think of this.

As so much of a career.

It's really more
of a one-sh*t deal.

But I'll play along.

You want another name,
let's find you another name.

How about...

How about Ben
"the over-reactor" Katz?

How about Ben "making a mountain
out of a molehill" Katz?

Well, I don't want a nickname.

I want a real name,
I want a replacement.

I don't want Ben
"the" something.

I want...

How about "this
is a one-sh*t deal",

you're doing it again!
"... it'll never happen again
as long as you live, Katz?"

So you think they weren't
really up for the task.

Of parenting five kids?

They should have been put
in jail, my parents, really.

They have five kids, one
bathroom in this house.

That's against
the law... it should be.

I mean, it was sick!

My mother would say, "why don't
you use the bathroom at school?"

"Because I live here!"

"There's 20 toilets in that
school, and you're going here.

Why don't you
go outside?"

"Because we live
in the 20th century!"

Those are the right answers.

My sister, constantly
in that bathroom.

She would never leave,
never leave the room.

We're all lined up outside
the door, waiting to get in.

She'd come out of that
bathroom wrapped in towels.

All you could see were her eyes.

She'd come running out of the
bathroom at 60 miles an hour,

screaming,
"don't look at me!"

"We're not looking at you,
we gotta pee!"

Let this stuff out.

You know, just cleanse yourself.

I used to have to go on vacation
with these people every year...

Five kids packed in a car,
windows rolled up,

pretending we
had air conditioning.

And they would never point out.

Anything historical along
these vacation trips, you know.

They would point out.

Weird-looking people
along the way.

My mother would be going,

"kids, look at that
one over there.

"Look at him,
look at him, look at him.

Look at the size of the
head on that man!"

Oh, god, it was t*rture.

I'm sure it hurts,
I'm sure it still hurts.

And we would never get
to our destination,

because my father
was always pulling over.

To the side of the road
to pick up junk.

He'd go, "look at that, huh?"

"How could people
be so wasteful?

Throwing away perfectly
good lawn furniture."

"Daddy, I don't think
they're throwing it out.

Their drinks are still
on the table."

"They're throwing it out.

"Get out of the car and get it.

And get that barbecue set
while you're at it!"

"Agh!"

"Put on the oven mitts
before you grab that thing.

"Dump out the hot coals before
you put it in the trunk.

"Give me that hot dog.

Get with it!"

All right, Kevin, that's good.

Now, why don't you try to
catch your breath?

Have a sip of water.

My father, he loves to barbecue.

Because he was a fireman
for 30 years,

and he knows how
to control the flames.

He'd have all his fireman
buddies over.

They'd dig a big
trench around the house,

fill it up with logs and
gasoline and light it on fire...

Big flames, big, big,
big, huge flames.

Birds would fall
from the sky fully cooked.

My dad would just brush 'em
with barbecue sauce.

"Here you go, kids."

"No, daddy!

I don't wanna eat the birds
that fall from the sky."

You wanna talk
to the young people?

Yeah, I'd like to go around
to a couple of schools.

Hey, Ben, I think
you need to look at this...

You know, once the media sets
their sights on you,

there's no turning back, okay?

You either hide out or
you get on board.

And enjoy the ride, baby.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about you, baby.

Ben, what...
Watch out!

Slow down... what exactly
are you talking about?

I'm saying, dad, that it's
lonely at the top,

so if you wanna
ride my gravy train,

you'd better hop on now.

Why do you think
this is the top?

Well, you know.

I mean, you could be lonely
for any number of reasons.

What are you trying to say?

I'm saying you're a lonely guy.

You're right I am,
don't rub it in.

Don't blame it on being
at the top.

You're not really at
the top of anything, Ben.

You're just a...

Dad, did you read
the paper today?

I read the paper today.

Okay, I'm at the top.

You had a little moment
in the sun, but that's...

That's today's paper.

What about tomorrow's paper?

I could be in that, too.

I could witness
another crime tonight.

Dad, were you ever in the paper?

I was... no, I guess
I was not in the paper.

Okay, see?

Well, then, you should just
be proud and not criticize.

I'm not criticizing,
but maybe...

You know, I go out there, dad...

I just don't want you to get
your heart broken again.

I just go out there and I do a
good thing, and then you bash.

You bash it like
it was insignificant.

Well, remember when you fell
onto the subway tracks,

and you thought,
"this is as good as it gets...

I'm gonna do this every day"?

Because people
were pampering you...

You interested in forming a
neighborhood watch with me?

No.

I think we already have a
neighborhood watch going, Ben.

It's called
"Mrs. lieberman, apartment 3b."

You think I have a swimmer's
body or a diver's body?

I bet you have a
really amazing cannonball.

You know what's really weird?

About me?

I have leg hair, but
I don't have chest hair.

That is something I did
not wanna know.

This guy is insane.

I should have
never came in here.

I'm gonna take a penny out of my
pocket and just throw it at him.

And see if he even knows
I'm in here.

Ow, okay.

"It fell off
the ceiling or something.

I wasn't paying attention."

The guy is nuts.

Steven, how has your
appetite been lately?

Are you eating properly,
you think?

It's been...
It's confusing,

'cause I made this rule up
when I was a little kid.

That I wouldn't ever
eat on an empty stomach,

so that's thrown it off.

A guy calls his
wife from the office.

Yeah?

The maid answers the phone.

Stop me if you've heard this.

I haven't heard it.

And he says, "can I talk
to my wife?"

Okay.

The maid says, "you can't,
'cause she's upstairs."

In the bedroom
with her boyfriend."

And he gets crazy.

He says, "look, there's
a shotgun in the hall closet."

"I want you to go upstairs.

I want you to
k*ll both of them."

He holds on, he hears two sh*ts.

The maid gets back on the phone.

She says, "what do you want
me to do with the bodies?"

He says,
"dump 'em in the pool."

She says, "what pool?"

He says,
"is this 635-2791?"

Where did I lose you?

I don't know.

I don't know where you lost me.

Don't you realize how funny
that is?

This guy authorized this
woman to k*ll two strangers.

He called the wrong number.

That joke is funny on so
many levels, in so many ways.

You gotta stop explaining
the joke.

If you do that,
life's not worth living.

It's over.

This is over.

What do you mean?

I can't go on.

Jeez, I'm surprised
to hear you say that, Ben.

No, I mean it.

Look what's happened.

That phone call this morning?

The phone call this
morning and then the worry.

About the phone call.

And then the times
I called back.

It's out of control.

Yeah.

I might have pressed
too hard, but, I mean...

It's ridiculous, and
I can't deal with.

This kind of pressure right now,

and I'm certainly not
gonna go to court,

because that
will be a media circus.

You know, and the thing is...

I didn't really... I didn't
really see the crime.

What do you mean you
didn't really see the crime?

You're an eyewitness.

Right, well, that's where
the media kinda took it and ran.

Which part of that is not true?

The part about witnessing
was a little bit...

Well, wait a second, Ben.

Hold on.

What exactly did you see,
if you didn't see the crime?

Well, I saw part of the group
of people who...

That congregated after?

Yeah, I saw them.

So you really...

I heard the yelling.

So did you lie to the press?

Well, it's not as much as
I lied as that they...

They printed the lie.

You said something to them, and
they took it out of context.

Sort of.

They heard what
they wanted to hear.

I don't wanna blame it
on them, but I do.

I mean, because
they did a bad thing.

They printed a lie.

They didn't know I was lying.

Well, you should not have
told them a lie, Ben.

Well, it wasn't
really a lie, as much as...

It was in the heat
of the moment,

and I had to say something.

Well, I have to tell you, I'm
a little disappointed in you.

Dad, when a woman comes
up to you with a notebook.

And asks you questions,

you'd better have something
good to say.

That's the part
that disappoints me.

No, just the part about
witnessing.

Look, I'm trying
to let you off the hook here,

but I think that you need to...

Well, dad...

Damnit, Ben, I hate to say this.

You have to go to your room.

This is a little
awkward at your age,

but I don't know what
else to do.

But how can a...

Will you come up?

I'll be there in a minute.

But first I want you to spend
some quiet time by yourself.

All right.

And just think
about what you did.

You know, don't hate me, dad.

I don't hate you, Ben.

I'm a little disappointed.

I know it.

I mean, you could hate me.

Even if you didn't before,
you can hate me now.

Come on, Ben.

I don't like to
hear you talk this way.

Well, I'm gonna skip dessert.

That's all there is to it.

You already had dessert, Ben.

Well, okay, I'll have some.

Does it feel like it was
a good experience,

when you think about it, or
was it a tough time for you?

The beginning of the school
year was always good for me.

I would say, "this
is gonna be the year!"

I'm really gonna buckle down,
cr*ck down on the work!"

And then I'd be in my
room, working at my neat desk,

and I would be reading,
studying,

and my father would
go, "you're not reading."

He'd come in the room.

"You're not reading
nothing, are you?"

I go, "I am reading,
I'm reading!"

"You're not reading."

"I am reading."

And the thing was, he was right.

I wasn't reading.

I was just looking at the...

How did he know that?

I don't know.

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

I need another coffee.

I'm so wired,
no one knows, though.

I'm sweating internally.

Just gonna act
like nothing's wrong.

Imagine that... that's
what I'm thinking.

I'm in the waiting
room of a psychiatrist's,

and I'm thinking, "act like
nothing's wrong."

I'm totally insane.

Ten more seconds
of her not looking at me,

and I'm gonna just throw that
desk right out the window,

just to see if she looks up.

Eight, seven...

No, new plan, new plan.

Just sit here, just sit here.

Do you feel like you have
a special mission?

I didn't until
you just asked me that.

So I...

Now I'm wondering what it is,

and I'm wondering
if you're involved,

and I'm wondering if it's
very violent.

Let's come back to that.

Do you feel like
the TV or the computer.

Can control your thoughts?

We'll come back
to that one, too, okay?

Look, I've done some things
in my life I'm not proud of.

What are you trying to say, dad?

Once in a while...

Well, I don't always
recycle the cans.

I've said it and I'm glad.

I feel a weight
lifted from my chest.

Really?

It feels good, doesn't it?

But recycling's so
easy you really should.

I'm gonna.

But I just have to tell you
I haven't always in my past.

Well, I'm glad you told
me anyway, dad.

'Cause I've done
some things in the past...

We all do things we're
ashamed of.

Yeah, I mean, once or twice,

I've flushed dirty socks
down the toilet.

That's bad.

You didn't take a dump
in the hamper, did you?

Tell me that was not you.