01x15 - The Golden Lagoon of White Agony Plains!

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So why are we at the gala for the Flintheart Glomgold wing of the Natural History Museum? Uch, yeah, and look at this tacky setup.

Somebody is trying waaay too hard.

I'll have a virgin peach julep in your fanciest glass, thank you! [SIGHS]

All these exhibits are just from times Glomgold lost to you.

A pebble from the Lost City of El Dorado.

A singed kilt from that fire pit in Krakatoa.

And this "Glomosaurus Rex" is clearly just a bunch of random parts stuck together.

Honestly, how could you know it wore a crown? So what are we doing here anyway? As upstanding citizens of note, it's our responsibility to support Duckburg's cultural institutions.

And these cocktail weenies are on Glomgold's dollar.

Aren't you rich? Why do you need free food? I didn't get rich by wasting money.

I got rich by besting my enemies.

Stock up, lads! Uch, these custom suits are the worst.

I think I'm gettin' a rash.

That's the plastic lining.

Saves on dry cleaning and you lose less dip.

It's not the cut of the suit, it's how you wear it.

Take my playfully loose bow tie.

Is he coming? Is he going? Did he party so hard it just flew open? [GASPS]

What is it, a cursed villain? A villainous curse? A um [SIGHS]

Man, I hate going third.

Worse.

It's my ex! Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck

-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo

-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo

-ooh Tales of derring

-do Bad and good

-luck tales Whoo

-ooh D

-d

-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo

-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo

-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails

- No, Ducktales!

- Whoo

-ooh! Your ex?! As in "ex

-girlfriend"? Ex

-partner, ex

-rival, ex

-everything.

Watch your wallets, boys.

Please, Scrooge.

I wouldn't steal from children.

Unless they had something I really wanted, or I was bored, or Goldie O'Gilt, the Ice Queen of Dawson.

I thought I heard the clatter of cloven hooves.

Scroogey McMoneybags, the tightwad of Duckburg.

That clatter was probably your brittle bones settling, ya gilded geezer.

I feel both disturbed and intrigued.

Oh, hello, Scrooge! This is my date, Goldie.

What's that? Your ex, you say? [GASPS]

How awkward this must be for you.

[LAUGHING]

I'm not your date.

Does it make your blood boil with jealousy, Scrooge? You're just a sad third wheel.

Deadwood! A [PLAYING TANGO]

What?! Gah! Touché, Goldie.

Let the love games begin.

It's been a long time, Scrooge.

And yet it still feels too soon.

Ooh, your tango's as rusty as your joints, old man.

How's this for rusty? Oh! Not bad, but let the lady lead.



- Ooh!

- [BACK CRACKS]

Ooooh! Scrooge has a crush! True love is truly ageless.

Ooh

-ooooh! Somebody dance with me! I need to make her jealous! [DEWEY GROANING]

You're looking younger than the last time I saw you.

Found a fountain of youth in Wronguay.

You? Stuck in a timeless demon dimension.

[CHUCKLES]

Which one? Pandemonium or Demogorgona? Demogorgana.

Went to stop an uprising.

Get out! I caused that uprising! Nabbed the Eye of Demogorgon.

Makes you impervious to burns.

I must've just missed you.

D

-d

-d

-Dew

-Dewey D

-d

-d

-Dew Stop one

-upping my one

-upsmanship! Dance worse than me! No can Dewey.

[GRUNTING]

Ooh

-hoo! Cut the patter, O'Gilt.

What are you really up to? Why do you always think I'm up to something? Because wherever you go, you leave a flaming wreck in your wake.

Can't start a fire without a spark, Scroogey.

[LOUIE RETCHES]

Ladies and gentleman, hated rivals, I am proud to unveil a brand new exhibit, dug up by me very own oil crew in the Yukon.

Behold! The feared, the terrible Glacier Monster of the Klondike! I know that beast!

- [LIGHTS CLICK]



- [CROWD GASPS]



- [CLICK]



- What?!

- [MAN]

What's going on?

- [WOMAN]

Is this a surprise? Goldie! Step on it, Launchpad! I need to get to the mansion! Ooh! Tell us about your new old girlfriend! [KISSING NOISES]

Ooh! Did you smooch in the dark? [KISSING NOISES]

Ooh, smooching! We weren't smooching, ya wee nupties.

It was all part of her plan to steal that mammoth skull! Oooh, so you could smooch it together?

- Eww.



- What? No! Because that was no ordinary skull.

Back during the Gold Rush, when I was prospecting for my fortune in the Klondike Gold Rush? Wait how old are you? [SCROOGE]

I let that swindler Goldie repay a claim by helping me search for the legendary Golden Lagoon of White Agony Plains.

But that mendacious minx stole my map! I managed to catch her, but in the scuffle, the map tore in half! Before I could get it back, we were att*cked by the Glacier Monster of the Klondike: a Woolly Mammoth! Goldie dodged his att*ck, but lost her half of the map inside the teeth of that beast.

We escaped with our lives! By being promptly frozen in the ice.

For five years I was stuck in that cursed glacier, forced to stare at her thievin' mug before we thawed.

The Golden Lagoon of White Agony Plains is the one treasure that greedy gillie could never find until Glomgold dug up the Glacier Monster's skull.

That's the real reason Goldie came to the gala.

Launchpad, brakes! [SCREECHING]

She's here.

Hey, Moneybags, where's the other half of the map? Where are Beakley and Webbigail? How did you let that thief back into You reprehensible recreant! Please stop flirting in front of the children.

[ALL]

Ooohh! Aah! Takes a fossil to find a fossil, eh, Goldie? Says the man who still wears spats and a top hat.

Give me my map! Get your pilfering paws off my headpiece!

- I got the map!

- [GRUNTS]

Fine.

We team up.

With our two halves of the map, we can finally find the Golden Lagoon.

And why should I trust you? Ohh, because it's gold.

Because it's a treasure you never found.

And because you're Scrooge McDuck.



- You think you know me so well.



- [MIMICKING]

You think you know me so well.



- [DOOR OPENS]



- [GROANS]

[CHANTING]

Date! Date! Date! [BOTH]

It's not a date! I'll take the pickaxe, this lamp, rope, locator beacon, uh, and I'll need some buckskin waterproof spats.

We don't carry those.

Fine, fine, I'll take a pair of boots and your sharpest Kn*fe.



- Uh, no food?

- No.

Just one discount jug of mustard for these delicious hors d'oeuvres.

And whatever the lady needs.

Uh, what lady? Goldie, you backstabbing

- [GOLDIE]

Scroogey

- [GASPS]

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

If we're going to make it through this alive, weeed to be able to trust each other.

Agreed.

Now give me back the map you stole from my bag.

[GLOMGOLD]

Take my girl, will ya? No one steals from Flintheart Glomgold.

Wait, are those my teriyaki skewers?! Ahh, the Ice Caverns of White Agony Plains.

Sure brings back memories, eh, Scrooge? No matter how hard I try to forget.

[ARROWS WHOOSHING]

One of yours? You can't blame me for that.

It was over a hundred years ago.

We were different people then.

Aye, that's what worries me.

You've had a century's worth of practice.

What happened to you, Moneybags? Domestic life turn you soft? What you'll never understand is that trust is the cornerstone of Wait! Ooh! One of yours? Heh heh heh You used to be so much more fun.

Hoo! Looks like it's only big enough for one.

I'll go down first and send it back up to you.

So you can get the jump on me? Fine, you go down first.

Oh, so you can cut the rope? Well, what do you suggest? [BOTH GRUNTING]

Would you move your elbow? Gladly, if you'd stop sweating all over me.

I'm only sweating because I'm doing all the work! Oh, really? Oops.

Aah! [STRAINING]

[GRUNTING]

Stupid McDuck and his stupid clever traps! Hah! Ha! A one

-man elevator! [SCROOGE GRUNTING]

Heh heh heh.

So long, Scroogey.

To the last, I grapple with thee.

From Hades' heart, I Oww! Eh, I'm sure he got the gist of it.



- Aaah!

- Aaah! [BOTH SCREAMING]

Whoo! All that sweat must have made you lose your grip.



- For the last time, I

- I get it.

I make you sweat.

I'll take that as a compliment.

Ha.

A gross, salty compliment.

[GROANS]

The Rainbow Caves! We're nearly at the Golden Lagoon! [CLICKS]

What? Just giving you a little reading light is all.

Got a light? What are you doing? I'm just lighting this trail of gunpowder I've been leaving behind us to distract you.

What?! You're insane! A cave

-in will get us both k*lled! Oh, you'll stop the cave

-in.

You're Scrooge McDuck.

Ooh! [BABBLING]

Mwah! Ohhh! [STRAINING]

Aah! [GROWLING]

Uh heh heh.

[ROARING]

Sorry, Scrooge, but the Golden Lagoon is mine.



- [GROWLING]



- [GASPS]

Wait, what?! But how? I'm Scrooge McDuck! [GROWLING]

[GROWLS]

I don't understand it.

The completed map says the path to the falls should be right here.

Ack, I thought I'd never have to gaze upon this grievous glacier again.

Aww! Why don't you hop in the ice to relive old times? We'll need to set up camp until I figure this out.

[SNORING]

[ROARS]

[GROWLS]

You're really not gonna untie me? And spoil the entertainment? Come on.

Why do you hold such a grudge against me, Scrooge? You left me for dead in the Gobi Desert, sold me to Portuguese pirates, threw me out of an airship over the Himalayas Like you didn't love the challenge! [CHUCKLES]

Why, that biplane was a disaster.

Remember that deranged pilot.

What was his name? Frogurt? Oh, Foghorn! With the weird glass eye that turned out to be

- a marble!

- A marble! [BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, what happened, Scrooge? Why is this time any worse than the others? You really don't know, do you? We spent five years here, trapped in the ice with only our hatred for each other to keep us warm.

But after half a decade stuck staring at your thievin' face something changed.

And that warmth came from something else.

[ROCKS CRUMBLING]

[ICE CRACKLING]

[GASPS]

[STRAINING]



- [MAMMOTH TRUMPETING]



- Huh? [KISS]

[SCROOGE]

You could have freed me.

But even after all that, you still abandoned me and left me for dead.

You were supposed to follow me! That was our whole thing! I was frozen in a giant glacier! You're Scrooge McDuck! Wha That can't be your reason for everything! Scroogey [SIGHS]

it's the only reason that matters.

You loved gold more than you loved me.

And that's why you loved me.

Uh [GRUMBLES]

[RUSHING NOISE]

Ah, cork it, Nanook, I already gave you half my salmon puffs.

That's no bear.

It sounds like a waterfall! We always believed this was a dead end.

But years of erosion must have thinned the walls! Nanook! [ROARS]

Ohh! Pure liquid gold! Whoo ha ha! The Golden Lagoon of White Agony Plains! We finally found it! [GLOMGOLD]

Yes, we did! [LAUGHS]

[GRUNTING]

That's right, Scrooge, we were workin' together this whole time! Goldie! And backstabbed.

Once again, Scrooge, you see there is nothing you can possess that I cannot I'm sorry, is that a sack of Swedish meatballs? That's it.

Next gala, no buffet.

What are you doing here? I told you I was handling it! And I was handling Scrooge! I mean, I almost had him with that one

-man elevator! You idiot, I was in that one

-man elevator, too.

[GASPS]

What were you doing in a one

-person elevator with Scrooge?! How many times do I have to tell you? We are not a thing.

Ah, classic GlomGoldie repartee.

Wait, how did this happen? Oh, you mean, the greatest love story of all time? I remember it like it was yesterday.

Oh! It was yesterday.

Exactly.

I arrived at the party in my finest finery.

When we locked eyes it was as if were struck by an arrow from Eros himself.

Yes, it was the beginning of a love written in the stars.



- [KISSING NOISES]



- You know we were there and literally none of that happened.

We teamed up to con you out of the map so that you'd find the treasure for us.

End of story.

We had a deal.

I untied you from a bear! How could you do this to me? Because I'm Goldie O'Gilt.

Funny.

Somehow I keep forgetting.

As much as I enjoy watching this hilarious scene of rejection, I'd really love to destroy you before our dinner reservation at 6:00.



- We'll see about that!

- [GRUNTS]

[TANGO PLAYING]

Yah! [GRUNTS]

Nice parry!

- Thanks.



- [GROWLS]

But let the lady lead.

Hey! I have a pickaxe, too! Hah! Aah! [SHOUTS]

Whoa! Uh!

- Oh!

- Hah! Aah! [GROANING]

[PANTING]

[GROWLING]

Aah! [GRUNTS]

Aha! Flintheart Glomgold will not be a third wheel! [GRUNTS]

What?! Oh, Scrooge!

- Goldie!

- Aaaah!

- [CLANK]



- Ohh! [GLOMGOLD IMITATING GOLDIE]

Help me, Scroogey! I'm stuck at the bottom of the boilin' lagoon! Ha ha ha! Fooled ya! Look who's ended up with Goldie and the gold! Classic GlomGoldie

-gold! Aw, Goldie.

I was so busy looking for treasure, I ignored the one staring me in the face.

And stabbing me in the back.

[KISS]

Goodbye, sweet princess.

If I had to choose between lovin' you and killin' him, it was kind of a no

-brainer.

When I pull this lever, liquid hot gold will spew out of this derrick, and I will complete the Glomgold trifecta: stealin' your girlfriend, endin' you, and becomin' the richest duck in the world!

- [EVIL LAUGHTER]



- [THUNDER]

Oh, pity you're not alive to witness this, sweetums.

I know how much you would have wanted this for me.

Can we wrap this up already? Fair enough.

Three, two, one, Glom

-Go! What's happenin'?! Stupid cheap Glomgold brand derricks! [GASPS]

What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! [GASPS]

What?! Where'd she go?! [GOLDIE]

Hoodleehoo, boys! Ahh! But how? She should have been burnt to a crisp! Don't worry! At least you have each other! The Eye of Demogorgon makes you impervious to burns! She knew the whole time! [LAUGHING]

Ohh! That two

-timin', backstabbin' thief! Get back here with my gold! Isn't she fantastic? [BOAT HORN BLOWS]



- [ALL]

Oooooh!

- [GROWLS]

Oooh

-hoo

-hooo! Ooh! Tell us about your date with your girlfriend! Yeah, and your marriage and your baby in your baby carriage! Ooh, and if we get a new aunt, will she give us lots of fancy presents? Wait.

She's not in the will, is she? Oh, grow up! [LAUGHING]

[THUD]

"Next time you need some gold in your life, come find me.

" [SIGHS]