dharma you really don't have to do this
they're our parents they deserve to be
dealt with honestly
oh they do not there is no good way to
tell them that we're not going on
vacation with them i'm not gonna lie
there's nothing wrong with lying our
civilization is based on it our art is
based on it do you really think
billy joel loved her just the way she
was
how's that tea kitty it's still fine
abby here is your wheat berry scone
thank you does anybody know why we're
here
yes dharma knows why we're here dharma
thank you ray well abby
larry we have a little problem here you
know how we told you guys we were gonna
go camping with you next week
i'm sorry you're going with us to the
cordon blue wine and food tasting
weekend in napa
well they're in squats the toad
honey darling sweetheart
guys as you can see we're in one of
those things that just happens you know
it's nobody's fault really and i thought
that we should all just get together as
adults and just work it out
dharma i think that's a very wise and
mature choice
thank you kitty abby larry i i know this
is very disappointing for you but we
have booked the weekend it's not
refundable so of course the
children will be going with us wait a
minute no kitty
this is not just a camping trip this is
my birthday
wait didn't you just have a birthday
well that's the anniversary of my
physical birth
this is the anniversary of the onset of
my womanhood
what the hell do you sing for that
all right guys here's the deal we're
gonna have to compromise here so greg
and i are going to spend the week at
kitty and edward's vacation house in the
mountains which you've been wanting us
to do and it's in the woods which is
kind of like camping
the only thing that'll be missing is uh
you guys
smooth isn't it better that we're
dealing with this openly and honestly
rather than cooking up some crazy lie
which totally wouldn't have worked for
example we we
might have said that we have a new puppy
at home that we couldn't leave alone and
his name might have been scout
well you couldn't leave home if you had
a new puppy absolutely he'd tear up the
place
all right maybe that would have worked
my point is all right i have
had enough come on edward we're leaving
that's my ride
you guys understand right i'm afraid i
don't dharma
the womb we were gonna be celebrating is
the womb that gave birth to you
we're going we're not gonna get to see
the puppy
good night
go ahead say it i know you want to say
it go ahead they're in
squats the toad
[Music]
[Applause]
hey where have you been i uh stopped off
to talk to my folks oh
how'd that go well i smoothed things
over i i sold you out big time so
they're speaking to me but you're pretty
much toast
fair enough do you uh speak to your
parents
uh-huh we had a great talk we got out
the clay we sculpted our feelings then
we looked at each other's feelings
how's everybody feeling well my mother
feels like a little crying dove
and larry feels like a tiny bowling ball
here he wanted you to have it
anyway it was a little bit rough but i
told them that we made our decision
good yeah
it's good
if you had seen the pain that it had
caused them honey would have done
exactly what i did
please tell me we're not going camping
with them
oh no silly of course not
they're coming with us to your parent's
cabin great this is a big deal it's my
mother's menstrual cycle we are talking
about
and i really wish we weren't dharma if
my parents find out that we're going on
vacation with your parents they're going
to make our lives a living hell
my mom was still crying little duff my
dad was a bowling ball how do you say no
to that
janet could you uh messenger this over
to mr kincaid's office
oh yes of course sir right away thank
you excuse me
i work here now and i'm your secretary
you can bring that stuff to me
sorry marlene could you when i'm off the
phone
oh son dad how's mother doing
oh she's still on the moor path she
fired the gardener
usually cheers her up did you uh cancel
your trip
no now it's just your mother and me
picnicking in the vineyards antiquing
having a
romantic dinner and that little train
they have up there
that sounds nice i'll give you a hundred
thousand dollars if you come with us
sorry dad i know you're right you and
dharma need this time
alone just the two of you we sure do
just the two of us
listen if we're both gonna be out of
town we need to reschedule the meeting
with the securities and exchange guy
right um marlene what do i have on my
book for that week
marlene she is just terrific to work
with
dad i'm jammed up that week maybe we can
uh find somebody else to handle the
meeting with the sec well we'll have to
get somebody from the legal department
what about howard uh how was too busy
i got nothing next week it's just a pro
forma inquiry uh it's nothing tricky
uh yeah you're right a monkey could do
it it's all yours pete
thanks for the vote of confidence you
might want to book a monkey just in case
isn't she terrific
and then on the way to napa i thought we
could stop at this marvelous little
furniture maker oh he makes the most
darling little table and chair sets out
of old
grapevines and they let you watch
uh you know salt will k*ll you
when
hello in-laws don't get up dumb what are
you doing here
well i was in the neighborhood and your
door was open
the door was open well i mean i got it
open
all right look here's the deal um
something has happened and some people
don't think that you should know about
it but we are a family and
we have to deal with things honestly no
matter what
those same people think my parents are
going with me and greg on vacation any
questions
enjoy your meal dharma i would just like
to say
i appreciate your honesty
you do absolutely
you want us to know that your parents
are the fun people that you enjoy
vacationing with and we are a
dull obligation no why didn't you just
cancel
a vacation with us and schedule one with
your parents
we got a new puppy
wow what a great place to spend time
with family
i suppose uh abby larry your room is
right down there at the end of the hall
where's the hot tub now right outside
your room
well that's where we're gonna be all
weekend oh larry don't be selfish they
might want to have sex in it too
all yours
well this is gonna be fine we know where
they're gonna be
we can avoid them it's a big house it's
a huge house
could i have four people here you could
have six people here
what does that mean oh edward they've
arrived
this is bad you don't know that yes i do
greg
this knob from your hot tub just came
off what are they doing here
i thought they were gonna be in napa i
thought you said your parents had
changed their mind
yes basically i was dishonest with
everybody and that doesn't feel very
good does it
come can i talk to you yeah greg we can
talk and they can talk
and they can talk and work on their
problems and sort out issues and laugh
and cry because this
is officially the montgomery finkelstein
weekend
of healing i'm talking right now
while we're out there i want each of you
to think of something nice to say to the
person on your left
no fair i got the hard one
i don't even know where to start you
probably want to know what the hell is
wrong with me
that's as good a place as any all right
look i went to talk to your parents
but your mom pretty much whacked me
upside the head with a guilt stick and i
kind of got back into a corner but then
i thought
why not bring them all here together and
i know i didn't go about it the right
way but we have an amazing opportunity
here
what to get on cops
we have been caught between these people
for five years we tiptoe around them we
pacify them we get ourselves all tied up
and not to tell
so is it is it just the six of us or did
you bring a swarm of angry bees
honey they have never even tried to get
along this is their chance to make it
work
it was an accident oh it most certainly
was not
let's go see how they're making it work
what happened
your father-in-law just hurled a 6 500
lamp onto the floor you spent 6 grand on
a lamp
oh edward please not now it was an
accident kitty
ed wanted to make a fire and he couldn't
see if the flu was open and i was
bringing him a lamp and i got caught up
short by the cord what kind of an idiot
doesn't realize a lamp has a cord
larry and you should know that by now
it's just a thing she's so worried about
her lamp how about hey larry are you
okay
you are obviously not okay
is this the kind of given tape you were
hoping for absolutely
events like this give us the opportunity
to work on our communication skills
let's try role play
oh please dharma that is a wonderful
idea
larry you play kitty all right now
you've just
seen yourself break the land right and
i'll be the broken lamp
we have a broken lamp i'll be the man
drinking scotch
go ahead kitty okay well obviously larry
accidents happen
the important thing here is that you
weren't hurt larry give me a hug
i don't think he's got her at all this
is
nonsense you broke a very important lap
and i think the least you can do is
offer to pay for it what happened to
larry give me a hug i never said that
everybody heard it oh come on abby i
think i got 20 in my duffel bag let's
start paying them their blood money
how could you humiliate him like that
he's a human being with a soul
oh no i am going upstairs and when i
come down
they had better be gone edward
and when i come down i'd better be drunk
okay good start everybody we'll just
take a little break for now
mr montgomery asked me to remind you to
confine your responses to
all the information you need is in these
documents and would you care for some
coffee
what's that supposed to mean it means
for some reason he trusts you with
coffee
if you'll excuse me i've been a
practicing attorney for the last nine
years
off and on i think i know how to conduct
myself professionally during a meeting
with a representative of the federal
government
excuse me i'm laura butler i'm looking
for pete cavanaugh
holy smokes you're the guy from the sec
i'm the woman from the sec well aren't
you our
tax dollars at work
i'll come right this way can i get you
some coffee or maybe whip up a pitcher
of margaritas
let's see see you in a few hours
where are you going we're leaving we're
gonna find a little hotel
or we're gonna break into somebody's
house
but we're gonna have a vacation by
ourselves we don't have a car
so we'll walk we might lose a total
frostbite but it'll be worth it
i know it's hard greg but a lot of
worthwhile things are hard and they take
time like
running a marathon or having a baby or
making cheese
listen i i don't understand the part
about the cheese but i understand
what you're trying to do here the thing
is it can't be done
our parents will never be friends they
don't like each other's politics they
don't like each other's food they don't
like each other
don't you think that is a little bit
negative it's realistic
the only way we can deal with our
parents is to keep them apart preferably
for the rest of their lives
what are we going to do when we have
children we'll do what normal families
do we'll go to your parents for
thanksgiving
my parents for christmas that's why god
invented two holidays where you eat
exactly the same meal
i'm sorry greg but i don't want to live
like that i'm not ready to give up
on this
so what do you want to do we let them
interact
we listen and then we jump in when we're
needed
edward come down here and see what they
have done
and bring your hunting r*fle
sounds like we're needed
look just look
and that is a 430 thread count
ralph lauren bed sheet
guys it's snowing are you sure you don't
want to come inside and talk about this
we're past talking you know i don't
think anybody's really gonna see this
protest that you're doing
grassroots my friend if you need me
i'll be writing my list of demands
how sexy is that man right now
well now we have to figure out what
we're going to do next well for starters
we're going to steer clear of that tent
for a while
i think if you just apologize for what
you did he'll apologize for what he did
and they'll call off their protests i
forgave him for the lamp
i will not forgive him for turning our
front yard into a shantytown
these are odd people you married into
son
i will only shut down the camp if they
give in to our demands
larry i don't think they're ever going
to allow homeless people to bathe in the
hot tub
that's just in there so we have
something to give in on
they have to open up their lands for
grazing
that one we're sticking to ah here's one
for me
they want me to b*at my sword into a
plowshare and study w*r no more
if you don't have a sword you're
probably off the hook
could you just talk to them all right i
might be willing to meet them but only
on
neutral ground i'll alert the swiss
all right here we are somebody say
something
i'm freezing my ass off
well there you go there's some common
ground we're all freezing our asses oh
this is ridiculous yes it is
larry will you just admit that you went
a little overboard here no
we'll call that a yes kitty will you
admit that sometimes the way you
approach these situations is a little
condescending
well i can see how you would think that
did
good okay why don't we just call that
our achievement for the weekend and just
go back to taking our vacation
yeah all right thank you thank you
darling
so i assume that that means we're going
back to our original plan
of larry and i and the kids spending
some time
together and if you like we would be
willing to help you pack up
i believe your original plan was to
sleep in the woods
so why don't we help you pack up oh
that's it huh just throw the working man
right
for the last five years greg and i have
tried to make peace with you people but
it is impossible
you fight you argue you insult each
other you pee on each other's prized
roses
that is it we are done as of today
we are officially done
love each other k*ll each other tie each
other up and paint each other blue i
don't care
you are on your own greg and i are
leaving
that's my ride
so as far as you know none of the
officers of montgomery industries bought
stock and canesco before this merger was
announced
no my god what a great idea is it too
late to get in
well it seems like everything here is in
order so
i'll just take copies of these documents
and that's it oh hang on we haven't even
had a chance to get to know each other
all we've talked about is business
that's what they pay me for but it was
nice to meet you and good luck with the
merger
so you're just leaving we're done well
hang on
not everything about the mergers in
those documents what do you mean
well you know people talk you hear
things
so you're saying you're privy to
information that you don't feel
comfortable discussing
i wouldn't feel comfortable discussing
it with just anyone
would you feel comfortable discussing it
with me
yes i think that i would
not that i'm not enjoying the ride but
uh where exactly are we going
mossett lawn if we're going to muzzet
line we probably should go back and get
our toothbrushes
i can't drive to mazatlan oh no actually
you can uh
you get on the 80 back over to five and
then it's mexican highway 15. but that
aside for the moment you might want to
get back on the road or at least
slow down now you've got helpful
suggestions you couldn't have chimed in
back there on the porch yeah well for
the record i'm not the one that invited
both sets of parents on our vacation
and again one more for the record uh
you're not on the road
[Music]
[Music]
well i've slowed down
[Music]
hmm
you
05x23 - The Mamas and the Papas Pt. 1
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Free-spirited Dharma, a yoga instructor and dog trainer, meets and falls for polar opposite Greg, a Harvard-educated U.S. attorney.
Free-spirited Dharma, a yoga instructor and dog trainer, meets and falls for polar opposite Greg, a Harvard-educated U.S. attorney.