02x07 - Losing Nana Bishop

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me th♪ On the other side. r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green.

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

LOIS: Uh-huh.

Aha!

Mrs. Foutley, why can't you just set

a glue trap or something?

That's Plan B.

But Mom, aren't glue traps kind of cruel?

That's why it's Plan B.

You might want to nip this in the bud.

Rats multiply pretty fast.

We could already be talking "army" here.

Well, the quickest way to conquer an army of rats

is to first find its leader.

Carl?

There's something living in our walls.

And I think it's having a party.

You have exactly seven seconds

to confess to any involvement, consequence-free.

Mom, I would proudly lay claim to something as good as this,

but this time I must sadly declare my innocence.

You didn't bring anything unusual into this house?

With the exception of Hoodsey, no.

[rustling in attic]

They're making a break for it!

[girls squealing]

[kisses]

Hello, friends.

Boy, my mom would really spew soup if she saw this.

Just remind Jo-Jo that these artifacts of bondage

will soon set us on our way to fame.

With a little practice,

we'll become world-class escape artists

by the time we're .

We're talking franchise.

[manacles squeaking]

Ooh, yeah.

I bet tons of prisoners have worn these

over the years.

You can practically see their sweat stains--

locked in cold, dark dungeons,

waiting for their grisly date with the guillotine.

Stop, you're creeping me out.

[thumping]

[phone rings]

Hello.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Bishop.

Um, sure, hang on.

Dod, it's your mom.

Hey, Mom.

We're trapping rats in Ginger's walls.

[voice falters]: Oh.

All... all right.

Yeah, we'll be... we'll be right home.

[hangs up phone]

You guys, I have to go.

My Nana just d*ed.

Oh, Dodie, I'm sorry.

Was it sudden?

Yeah, during her tai chi class.

[laughs]

Sorry, nervous reaction.

Oh, Dod, uh... I don't know what to say.

I... I better get Hoodsey.

I didn't mean to laugh.

It just happens whenever I get too nervous.

[Carl grunting]

Hey, there's only one key.

We've been cheated, Carl.

Who cares?

By tomorrow morning, we won't need keys.

Once we've mastered the escape,

we'll work on our flare.

Hoodsey, I have some terrible news.

Nana Bishop d*ed tonight.

Okay, thanks for letting me know.

We have to practice now.

Hoodsey, our grandmother d*ed.

We have to go home--now.

Fine!

I'm sorry, Hoods.

So am I.

This is a total waste of a perfectly good Saturday night.

Hey, we have the rest of our lives to perfect escape.

Let me know if you need to borrow my black suit.

[door closes]

Well, I already feel like I said the wrong thing.

I mean, I have no idea what Dodie's going through.

Don't b*at yourself up over this, Ginger.

Just be a good friend

and be there for her when she needs you.

Hmm, I think this was once a loaf a bread.

[shouting]: Carl, get down here!

Tell me about Grandma Foutley.

What was she like?

Oh, she was unforgettable.

Really?

Was she eccentric or something?

Oh, Ginge, I hate to say it

but Grandma Foutley and I didn't exactly see eye-to-eye.

In fact, I tried to stay as far away from her as I could.

But she loved you kids something fierce,

so I know her heart was in the right place.

You haven't seen a small key anywhere, have you?

MRS. BISHOP: It's so sudden.

Just last month, she earned a medal

in the Senior Quilting Marathon.

[eating noisily]

Yeah, well, the kids can barely contain their grief.

I... I know.

[phone beeps]

Oh, hang on.

Carl Foutley, I am on a phone call right now.

Yes.

No.

No!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Robert Joseph,

do you have a key for Carl Foutley?

Uh-uh.

No, he doesn't have your key.

Good-bye.

Now, where were we?

[doorbell rings]

Oh, it doesn't end.

Hi, Mrs. Bishop.

Sorry to hear about Mrs. Bishop's passing.

The other Mrs. Bishop.

Thank you, girls.

Here, my mom baked this for you.

It's tuna noodle.

She didn't use cheap tuna, did she?

I'm allergic to mercury.

I don't think so.

Dodie's up in her room if you want to go up.

Marge, yeah.

So... so what were we saying?

Oh, yes.

Yes, it just goes to show you, you never know.

[eating noisily]

[laughing]

That's a terrific idea.

Robert Joseph would love to speak at the funeral.

DODIE: These are my first Pink Pony ponytail holders.

My pigtails were Nana Bishop's idea.

I never knew that.

I always thought you copied Bobbie Fry's pigtails.

Mm-mm, Nana Bishop's idea.

She used to say, "Every woman should have a trademark."

Oh, and this is an ice cream wrapper

from the day in Pine Park

when she karate-chopped the ice cream man

for cheating me out of my change.

"Strawberry crumble crunch"-- sweet.

[music box playing]

Oh, no.

[crying in distance]

Dodie, I need your opinion.

Should we go with the jungle print or the powder blue?

[cries]

[laughs]

What do you girls think?

Whatever you're most comfortable in, Mr. Bishop.

I vote powder blue.

[sobbing]: Powder blue it is.

It's for Nana Bishop.

Oh...

Oh.

Oh, and this is from last year's Flag Day festival.

GINGER: Dodie told us lots of stories about Nana Bishop.

It must have cheered her up a lot

because she laughed a couple of times.

But Dodie's Nana stories had a weird effect on me.

I suddenly felt really sad about my own grandmother.

WOMAN: ...has "Carl" written all over it.

GINGER: Grandma Foutley was the only grandparent still alive

when I was little.

She passed away right after Carl was born.

But I don't remember her.

Come to think of it,

I don't remember anything before Carl was born.

WOMAN: Carl.

Carl!

[phone ringing]

JONAS [on answering machine]: Uh, hi.

This is Jonas... and Ben.

[laughs]

Well, you know what to do.

[answering machine beeps]

Hi, Dad.

It's me, Ginger.

Remember how you said I should call you

if I ever wanted to go for a walk with you and Ben?

Well, I've kind of been thinking about Grandma a lot

and thought maybe we could take that walk, if you're free.

I could hold the leash.

Okay?

Call me.

Don't you think Gordo's going to freak out

about those things?

I'll just tell her I lost the key.

[laughing]: Good one, Carl.

Hoods, explain to me why you're going to school today.

Your grandmother d*ed.

That's only the world's most perfect written excuse.

Believe me, spending all day with Gordo yelling at me

is going to be better than being at my house.

Everyone's all sad

and talking about my grandmother all the time.

It's kind of depressing.

Death is supposed to be depressing, Hoods.

Yeah, but I'm not sad, Carl.

I don't miss my grandmother or anything.

I mean, I liked her okay,

but I don't think she liked me very much.

She'd laugh at me for no reason.

Nana never laughed at Dodie.

Just don't know how I'm going to stand there at the funeral

and talk about her and pretend I'm sad and all.

We really need to perfect this escape artist act.

[grunts]

It's awfully brave of you

to dig into your family history, Ginger.

The only time I did, my dad mentioned "institution"

and quickly dropped the subject.

So, we are going to the funeral together tomorrow, right?

Yeah, my mom's driving.

Oh, good.

You don't suppose

it's one of those open casket affairs, do you?

I never really thought about it.

Well, you did vote powder blue,

so you must have had something in mind.

[breathing heavily]

You've never been to a funeral before, have you?

I can't look at dead people.

Oh.

I'm sure Dodie would understand

if you told her you...

No, I'm going to be there for Dodie.

I won't like it, but I'll be there.

That's part of being a B.F.F.

Bye, Ginger-- good luck.

Bye, Mace.

Pick you up at :.

[ducks quacking]

[barking]

Hey!

JONAS: Oh, Ben, down.

Dad!

Sorry, Ben's a little overfriendly.

[giggling] Yeah.

[laughs]

Licking my face.

JONAS: So, how's school been going?

Okay, I guess.

Uh-huh, and... and Carl?

He's not in jail, is he?

Not yet.

Besides, I'm the jailbird of the family, remember?

Huh?

Never mind.

So, what did you want to know about your grandmother?

I don't know.

All sorts of stuff--

stories about her

or what we used to do together when I was little.

Well, you were her first grandchild,

so she was really crazy in love.

She couldn't get enough of you.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

When you were a baby,

we had a hard time getting you to take naps,

so Gram would drive you around in her car

until you fell asleep.

She would drive for hours and hours.

Used to make your mother so mad.

[laughs]

[imitating Lois]: If you think I'm gonna drive around

every time she needs a nap, you're out of your mind.

But Gram didn't care.

She'd keep driving till she ran out of gas.

Maybe that's why I fall asleep

on long car rides all the time.

Maybe.

I bet she was pretty great.

Made up for the fact that my real dad

was such a disappointment.

Must run in the family.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ben, no, come back!

GINGER: Hey, Ben!

[barking]

[quacking]

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh!

[grunting]

I thought I lost this stuff with last year's gutter fiasco.

[screams]

[squirrels chittering]

Acorns!

But Lola!

LOIS:Carl!

You opened an all-you-can-eat squirrel restaurant

in our attic.

I like to think of it as humanitarian aid.

[groans]

There's a long, cold winter ahead for those little guys.

[groans]

[sighs]

Whoa, I didn't know we had home movies.

I'm not surprised.

Your father used to be quite a home movie fanatic.

[gasps]

Gram.

Yeah, isn't that sweet?

She stole you that day.

What?

Well, borrowed you.

She told me she was taking you

for a drive around the block.

Somewhere between the driveway and the block,

she decided to take you to the photographer,

then on to the shore to feed seagulls,

which is why you have that nick on your ear.

It wasn't all that bad a day, actually.

I ended up getting

my one and only nap in five years.

Ha! Get a load of these.

I think they're kind of cool.

Oh?

Well, they're yours.

Squirrel problem solved, Mom.

I'll be in my office if you need me.

Do you mind if I give one of these to Dodie

for a picture she has?

By all means.

And while you're at it

ask if she wants another little brother, too.

[grunting]

I don't know what to do, Carl;

there's no way I can give that speech about my Nana.

Hoods, why not tell your parents the truth?

But it's my Nana, Carl;

you're supposed to like your Nana.

You've been reading too many greeting cards.

You don't have to like your family

you just have to respect them.

And what more respect can you show

than to speak truthfully and from the heart?

Talk about "greeting cards."

Then just avoid the truth altogether:

Just get up there and tell stories

about you and your grandmother.

People eat that stuff up.

If you ask me,

this truth stuff is overrated.

I just wish I could escape

this stupid eulogy altogether.

Hoods, no!

Robert Joseph,

the limousine is waiting.

It's time to go.

Now, open this door.

HOODSEY: No, I'm not decent!

Well, what on earth is taking you so long?

I'm, uh, really sad.

I'm still working on my speech.

Why can't I take my bike and meet you there?

JOANN: Ride your bike to your grandmother's funeral?

Honestly.

Let the boy ride, JoAnn.

Maybe it's his way of grieving.

Come, Mother is...

waiting.

[sobs]

I'm not going to argue today.

Robert Joseph, you have minutes

to get your tail down to that funeral home.

Do you hear me?

[horn blows]

[chains rattling]

I thought black was only appropriate.

A thoughtful gesture, but you do realize

that you'll sink like a rock in those?

So, please, do me a favor

and stay away from the edge.

Will do.

Who's ever heard of a floating funeral home?

MACIE: I think Cleopatra might have started that trend.

Lois!

Girls!

Carl.

Have any of you seen Robert Joseph?

Perhaps you might try the refreshment table.

Oh... of course.

Call it a hunch.

[boat engines starting up]

[organ playing funereal music]

That brother of yours better be on this boat.

Ready?

Lead the way.

That's % real satin lining.

Carl...

I can't, I can't, I can't.

It's okay, Macie,

just pretend she's sleeping.

In pigtails?

Who sleeps in pigtails?

She looks kind of peaceful.

The dead usually do.

Hey, I think she just moved.

Oh, sweet mother of maple.

Carl! Heel.

JoAnn, Dave, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Thank you, Lois.

That's very sweet.

I should also apologize

for Carl's ankle wear.

He lost the key.

And to be perfectly honest,

I'm not looking that hard.

I'd like to extend my sympathies

on this very somber occasion, Mr. Bishop.

And to you, as well, Jojo.

[grunts]

I'm sorry, Dodie.

Thanks for coming, you guys.

It really means a lot to me.

Wouldn't miss this for the world.

Oh, here, this is for you.

I know it's kind of weird

to give a present at a funeral and stuff

but it was my grandmother's

and I thought you might want to put that picture

of you and Nana Bishop someplace where it wouldn't get bent.

Oh... thanks, Ginger.

Your Nana's pigtails are awfully cute.

[loud feedback over intercom]

[Hoodsey clears throat]

Um, uh, hi.

My name is Robert Joseph, and I'm the dead lady's grandson.

My Mom asked me to talk

about Nana Bishop.

But I'm not sure what to say.

Nana made me nervous...

so I avoided her a lot.WOMAN: Oh, my goodness.

She didn't really know how to play boy games.

She liked dolls.

When she and Dodie did girl stuff

I'd play with her denture-cleaning tablets,

which make this really cool blue foam,

and you can use them to pop the lid off a soda bottle.

Nana thought it was funny when I ate one,

but it wasn't; it tasted nasty.

Nana used to tell me that I should try new things

like when she took me to theNutcrackerballet.

I don't know what she was getting at.

It was just a bunch of people jumping around

with no words or pants or anything.

Though the battle with the giant rats was kind of cool.

[people murmuring and exclaiming]

She used to make me eat rum-raisin ice cream, too,

but she'd let Dodie have chocolate.

Nana said that every man in the Bishop family

has to learn to like rum-raisin, even though raisins are gross.

Guess it's like some kind of family tradition

like Dodie's pigtails.

I guess that stuff doesn't seem so dumb now.

Maybe Nana was just trying to share junk with Dodie and me

so that we'd remember her better

after she went to that great, big bingo hall in the sky.

I know I'll never look at blue foam or a raisin

and not remember how Nana used to laugh at me

and pinch my cheek really hard.

[motorboat engine revving]

[people gasping]

[glass shatters]

MR. BISHOP: Mother!

[someone crying softly]

Good night, sweet Ernestine

and may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

[crying continuing]

Oh, Mother!

David Charles Bishop, get out of that grave this instant.

You're upsetting the children.

Hey, I want to try!

JOANN: Robert Joseph!

[movie projector humming]

[Ginger laughs]

GINGER: Mom, what are you wearing?

Let's just say that was my desperately-seeking-Lois phase.

HOODSEY: No offense, Mrs. Foutley,

but you don't even look like a mom there.

LOIS: No offense taken, Hoodsey.

There's your Grandma Foutley.

She made that costume for you.

Oh, look at Carl.

[laughs]

Nice diaper, Carl.

Hard to imagine there was ever a time

when you didn't get into trouble.

I'm sure they were very dull days.

Hey!

That certainly explains a lot.

They have social workers for those kinds of problems.

Well... ready boys?

Right behind you, Lola.

Uh, Mom.

GINGER: Hoodsey's eulogy made me think a lot about my family,

about how sometimes your family can make you really mad

or feel bad and make it hard to see the good things about them.

But then one day, they're gone

and all you have left are the memories.

Then you see all those good things in a new light

and you wish that you had pointed them out

a little more often along the way.

Dad?

I'm glad I got you.

It's Ginger.

[giggles]

No, Carl's not in trouble.

[loud whooshing]

Now hold still.

It's been a long time since I worked this baby.

JOANN: Robert Joseph, do you have a key for Carl Foutley?

HOODSEY: Uh-uh.