02x10 - April's Fools

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me th♪ On the other side. r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green.

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

[chirping]

[wind blows]

Wow!

Mind games, spreading rumors and playing with people's hearts?

Are you sure Shakespeare didn't go

to Lucky Junior High?

[chuckles]

There's enough romantic confusion in here

to spark a whole season of soap operas.

You ain't lying.

Hey, speaking of mind games,

need I remind you all what tomorrow is?

Lasagna à la Question Mark in the café?

Nope! Here's a hint.

[clicks on]

MAN: I want , in small bills

or the perky one loses her pigtails!

GINGER: Mom... Mom!

They've got Dodie!

[laughing]

Still can't believe I fell for it...

April Fools'!

[giggles]

You're good, but you had to be

to top my prank from the year before.

GINGER: I can still picture the tears in your eyes

when I told you I was moving away.

[both laughing]

Manipulating your closest friends

is a veritable invitation for unhappy karma.

[snickers]

This is going to be one prank Gripling will never forget!

You think it'll work, Carl?

What's not to work?

We tell him we sold his tonsils to a witch doctor;

he freaks long and hard.

Blakeisinclined to freaking.

We will go down in April Fools' history.

Come on, let's make the call.

I don't know, Carl.

Isn't it bad luck

to play an April Fools' Day prank before April ?

Trust me, Hoods.

The only bad luck around here is going to be Gripling's.

Substituting beef jerky with the bark of a common tree!

[laughing]

Oh, Blake, you devilish fiend!

Winston shall have a good chew, shall he not?

"Good afternoon, gentle sir.

"Might I tempt you with a snack

of the dehydrated meat product variety?"

CARL [over walkie-talkie]: Foutley to Flake!

Foutley to... I mean, Blake!

Come in, Flake!

This is Blake Gripling.

Good day, Carl.

I see you're in a lively spirit.

Look, Gripling, there's good news and bad news.

What do you want to hear first?

Oh, the good news, I say!

The good news is I've got bad news.

I sold your tonsils to a witch doctor,

a vengeful witch doctor.

Sold my what?

Just wanted to give you the heads-up,

you know, in case you started experiencing any unusual symptoms.

Yeah, like irritable bowel syndrome,

insomnia, halitosis, male pattern baldness.

I know, this is part of some April Fools' prank-- that's it!

No! Carl Foutley, I call your bluff.

Even a demented villain like yourself couldn't sacrifice

another man's lymphoid tissue for profit.

[chuckling]

You overestimate me, Gripling.

I assure you said act has been committed.

Oh, and, um, FYI,

you might want to string some organic garlic around your neck.

I read somewhere it wards off evil.

[gasps]

[thud]

[pan clangs]

[laughing]

Organic garlic!

You're too much, Carl!

What'd I tell you, Hoods?

This is going to be the best April Fools' Day ever!

Oh, you better stash these babies at your house--

just in case he comes looking.

Hey, what's up, guys?

How now, Sir Patterson!

Didst thou come to speaketh with my ladies

or with me?

I miss something?

Looketh!

Alas, the clock hast strucketh past :!

I have to be home to let the pool guy in.

[in singsong voice]: See you guys tomorrow.

And you know what tomorrow is.

So good luck.

What's she talking about?

April Fools' Day.

How am I going to top her prank from last year?

Why don't you just fill her locker

with underwear or something?

Darren! I need something more subtle, more sophisticated.

Oh, but wait!

Why, what if this year's game was played... with hearts?

You feeling okay, Ginger?

A phony love letter

to fair Dodie from... um... Dustin!

Dustin?

"Mr. Individuality" with the day-glo t-shirts

and mismatched sneakers?

Isn't that guy kind of, uh...

Irritating?

Overbearing?

Spastic?

Which is why it's the perfect prank.

[giggling]

I've got to say, you're playing with fire here, Ginger.

Trust me, Darren, this is going to be hilarious.

Hmm, how do you spell "voluptuous"?

[school bell rings]

"To my dearest darling Dodie"?

[door closes]

[reading quietly]

[gasps]

GINGER: I still don't know if he said anything to her,

but the weird part is, Dodie's been in total la-la land

ever since she read the letter.

I'm thinking the question mark's pork.

Can't be beef.

Probably.

So, uh, gee, my day's been pretty uneventful.

What about you guys?

Dodie?

[humming]

She's been like this all day.

It's like her body's here

but her mind's been abducted by aliens.

Okay, okay!

Something's happened.

I received a letter today.

A love letter!

Wow! Are you kidding?

From who?

It was from... Dustin.

Congratulations, Dodie.

He's unique.

Yeah, but here's the crazy part.

I know I've never told you this,

but I've had a secret crush on him

since, like, forever!

[crying out]

Ow!

I didn't want to say anything

because I wasn't sure

if you guys thought he was, you know, cool.

But now that I know he feels the same way I feel,

I think it's time I own up to my true feelings!

I'm going to walk right up to Dustin

and spill my heart all over his lunch table!

[gasps]: No!

Macie...

radical nonconformist, you.

Did you get my letter?

M-Macie?

Your letter was for Macie?

But the letter was in my locker!

It says "To darling Dodie"!

Look!

You misspelled "voluptuous."

This is not even in my handwriting.

The letter I wrote is in Macie's bag, where I put it.

Then who wrote my letter?

GINGER: Maybe it was

an April Fools' Day prank.

There isn't a Luckian alive

who could play a prank this cruel!

[crying]

Dodie, wait!

[flatly]: Hardy-har-har-har.

[Blake laughing nervously]

[moaning]

Hey, Gripling, what's shaking?

Besides your face.

I slept not a wink the whole night!

The witch doctor is up to his sorcery!

My hair-- look, it's shedding!

My stomach, distended!

And my breath-- it's putrid!

[exhales forcefully]

Confirmed.

He looks bad, Carl-- real bad.

I know, isn't it great?

Do you think he could really be sick?

That's the beauty of it!

It's all psychosomatic!

It's in his mind!

Still, Carl, I'm kind of worried.

What if he cracks up?

Wasn't that the whole point?

[Blake moans]

He's fine.

I'll show you.

Hey, Gripling!

[gasps]

Voices... voices!

They've started again!

Leave me be,

evil doctor!

You have no grip on...

[gags]

Throat... closing!

Carl Foutley to thank...!

No!

Maybe you've got a point.

So we'll come clean?

Tell him we were just joking?

Fine... but not until the end of the day.

[Blake groaning and yelling]

Sure hope he makes it.

Deliver me from his clutches!

Streak!

Wait... Michael!

All right, students, we're going to break into groups.

Let's do two to a team,

and I want to hear discussion, not gossip.

Partners?Partners?

Sure, Dodie, sounds good.

I was talking to Dustin!

Now, about my letter.

Dodie, can I talk to you for a second?

I'm sorry, Dustin, but our love was not meant to be.

Can we please just study?

Oh, I'll study...

your beautiful eyes.

[gasps]

You knew how I felt about Dustin

for all of three minutes

before you made your move!

You're a fast woman,

Macie Lightfoot!

[school bell rings]

DUSTIN: Angel of my dreams, wait for me!

DODIE: I will wait for you, Dustin!

I'm here!

Couldn't have gone with the underwear, huh?

[girls laughing, Blake wheezing]

Parched...

Parched from the poison that has claimed my body

and now means to claim my soul.

Hey, Blake.

April Fools'.

Could you repeat that, gentle sir?

I am ravaged with fever

and my hearing is starting to go.

[sighs]

I said, April Fools'!

[chuckles]

Charming.

To you as well.

The whole thing with your tonsils?

It was just a prank.

Yes, I'm sure it was.

That explains the pulsing headache, vertigo

and numbness of the calves.

Listen, Gripling you're not sick.

You're healthy as a horse.

This was all just a joke.

April Fools'-- get it?

If only it were so...

There was no witch doctor, Blake!

He doesn't have your tonsils

and he's not working any mojo on you, okay?

Just to prove it we'll... we'll give you your tonsils!

Uh...

Hoods, what are you saying?

I'm not going to have his phlegm on my hands, Carl!

[Blake shivering]

All right.

[wheezing]

Gripling, you'll get your tonsils back.

Think you can survive till tonight?

I shall do my level best.

HOODSEY [nervously]: Carl, they're gone.

The tonsils are gone!

What do you mean, "gone"?

As in "not here."

[sniffs]

I smell the handiwork of Jo-Jo.

Say, Mom, did you, like, um...

clean out my unmentionables?

Your what?

I had something important

stashed in with my undies.

Now it's gone.

If you're referring to that vile jar

of... whatever it was,

you should thank me kindly for disposing of it.

No!No!

[chomping]: Mmm, mmm...

Mmm, mmm.

Yeah, dude, I think I do remember seeing those tonsils,

only I thought they were adenoids.

[chuckles]

Grossity-doo-dah.

Oh, did you save them?

Uh, nope, my hands were full.

Those babies are probably under a ton of trash by now.

[seagulls calling]

Hmm.

We got to get them back.

Can you help us?

Hmm... all right.

You take this path

to the rotting refrigerator,

hang a left and go straight along Tire Tower

till you hit Fester Food Hill.

You can't miss it.

It's covered in mold and maggots.

But be careful you don't slip into Vile Valley.

The stink will consume you and you'll never be seen again.

[gasps]

Good man, Dwayne.

Good sandwich, Carl.

[gulps, then slurps]

So, I evened the score with Dodie,

but I'm the April fool

because this is one joke that has no punch line, you know?

I keep trying to think of a way out it

where they won't all totally hate me.

Getting hungry?

I bought fish.

No, not really.

Where are the boys?

At the Bishop's?

I don't know.

Yeah? So, why aren't you?

Mom, did you ever play a trick on someone

that you thought would be funny

but somehow it kind of... wasn't?

[chuckling]: Well, there was that one time

I filled a bedpan with iced tea, right?

[laughs]: Then timed it

so Nurse Betty would catch me... drinking, uh...

So, how not funny was this trick that you played?

It seemed innocent enough,

but now Dodie's not talking to Macey,

Darren's not talking to me,

and Macey's not talking to anyone.

And if I tell them I'm behind it,

they're all going to hate me.

I know it ain't fun,

but it beats the hand you're playing now.

I guess.

You know what to do, kiddo.

Dinner's in .

[bird squawking]

[gasps]

[dirt tumbles]

Uh, Carl... a little help?

Hold on!

They call it Vile Valley with good reason.

I mean that.

[grunting]: Can't... reach... toilet plunger.

Wait a second.

[grunts, yelps]

[Carl screams]

You okay, Carl?

[crickets chirping]

[sniffs]

Whoa! Dwayne wasn't kidding with the stink part, huh?

I wonder if he was kidding

about the never- to-be-seen-again part.

Yeah.

This is all our fault, Carl.

We never should have started that prank early.

And now we're stuck in this hole forever.

We're done for.

Baked. Kaput.

Relax.

Carl Foutley never leaves home without a plan B.

[static hums]

Mayday, mayday.

Does anyone copy?

I repeat, S.O.S.

BLAKE [on walkie-talkie]: Saveyoursoul?

Fancy that, I say.

Blake?

Where are the tonsils you boys promised?

The real hope of their safe return

has my strength up at present.

Well, you see, Blake,

a funny thing happened

on the way to your tonsils.

My mom threw them out, but don't worry.

We know they're here

somewhere at the bottom of Sheltered Shrubs Dump.

The Sheltered Shrubs Dump?

Yeah, so, uh, you know,

how about being a good sport

and helping us out?

We're kind of stuck here.

Do you blokes think I was born the day before today?

Forgive me if I don't rush to the dump

to rescue you from peril.

TodayisApril Fools', and I won't be made one again.

I had a feeling you'd say that.

[static hums]

[clicks walkie-talkie off]

[doorbell rings]

[panting]: Coming!

Ginger, I'm here to study.

Ah, great, maybe we can talk.

You see...

You remember Dustin--

the bane of my existence.

[blows kiss]

I can't have boys at my house,

and since he can't take a hint

I'll finish my homework here.

She's got a yearnin' for learnin'

I just can't live without.

How... sweet.

Well, well, what do we have here?

My mom sends me to collect my brother

and I run into Lucky Junior High's cutest couple.

[quavers]: Oh.

You think?

Huh? Huh?

We were just going to do homework.

Yeah, sure, homework.

That's what I'd be doing

in this intimate setting with my true love.

But, Dodie, there's nothing intimate about geometry.

[car horn honking]

I said I'm coming!

Would you stop that?

Dustin! How dare you reject him?

Dodie!

Do you mind?

I can defend myself.

Macey...

You stay out of this.

And you better decide who you're with, Ginger.

Either it's her or it's me.

[shouts]: Hoodsey, Mom's waiting!

Look, he's not here,

but there's something important

I need to tell you-- all of you.

You're looking for Hoods?

I thought he was at your place with Carl.

Uh-oh, I smell trouble.

[fly buzzing]

[fly buzzing]

I've got to use the bathroom.

We're in a dump.

Be my guest.

I can't just go outside!

I wasn't raised that way.

[moaning]

I'm sorry for getting us into this mess.

Maybe the joke was a little cruel...

even for Blake.

And now we're trapped, we're cold, we're hungry...

We're in need of facilities...

You know, Hoods,

maybe this is the Big Guy's way

of kind of settling the score.

Well, great, maybe the Big Guy will help just get me out

since it wasn't my idea

to play the joke in the first place.

We came clean, we told the truth,

now all that's left to do is

sit and wait for deliverance.

LOIS: Boys, where are you two?

Leave me alone!

Don't follow me.

And stop copying my unique fashion sense.

It doesn't work on you!

LOIS: Boys! Boys!

This is all your fault, Macey.

You've ruined everything for me.

I don't see how we can ever go back to being B.F.F.s.

Oh. Then why put the brakes on Dustin anymore?

[gasps]

You wouldn't!

Does this mean...?

You betcha.

[shouts] [grunts]

Over my dead body, Lightfoot!

[kids shouting and grunting]

Hey! What's going on down there?

I can't even hear myself think.

The boys are missing

and the girls are about to start the next world w*r.

What are you up to?

[rat squeaking]

[boys grunting]

We're almost there, Hoods.

What else you got?

Oh, no way!

Hey, Carl, tonsils up!

[kisses loudly]

Boy, will I be glad

to get home to a nice, clean toilet.

[kids grunting and shouting]

Easy, girls!

Dodie!

Let go of Dustin's whimsical T-shirt.

Never!

Aah! Macey, you bit my thumb!

Move it or lose it, Patterson!

You soiled my whimsical T!

Stop it-- all of you!

This is all my fault!

It's about time, Ging.

I'm going to go call the authorities.

I'm innocent!

Listen, I have a confession to make.

I'm very, very sorry,

but this whole thing got out of hand.

It was only an April Fools' joke.

What?

I wrote the love letter from Dustin.

It was a fake,

but that was before I knew you had feelings for him, Dodie,

and before I knew he had feelings for Macey.

So, you mean this really is all your fault?

Well... yeah.

Let's get her!

[others shout]

[kids laughing]

What's so funny?

How come you guys are laughing

and not, you know, pummeling each other?

ALL: April Fools'!

What?

Yep. See, I kind of played

my own April Fools' Day prank on you.

He ratted you out and we staged this hilarious backfire!

Whoo-hoo!

I can't believe you guys.

Do you have any idea how much emotional turmoil

this whole thing has put me through?

I thought you guys were my friends.

Weareyour friends, Ginger.

It was just a part of April Fools'.

[trembling]: Yeah, only now I'm not sure

I can trust you guys... any of you...

ever again!

Wait, Ginger, wait.

April Fools'!

[laughs]

My gosh!

Enough with the April Fools' already.

You guys are going to give me a heart att*ck.

Got you, Dodie.

You should have seen your face.

Nuh-uh, I knew you were bluffing.

Don't lie.

DODIE: Okay, okay, so we're even.

We're even!

DARREN: Good.

GINGER: Next year it's Darren who better watch out.

DARREN: What?

Why me?

HOODSEY [grunting]: Can't... reach... toilet plunger.