♪ On the other side.
♪ Well, I paid a visit
♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪
♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪Till further notice♪
♪ Till further notice
♪I'm in between♪
♪ I'm in between
♪From where I'm standing♪
♪ From where I'm standing
♪ My grass is green.
♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪
♪ On the other side.
[slurps]: Ew!
Not very lemony.
Keep juicing.
Maybe we should just make instant.
I wouldn't dream of altering
our pre-county fair tradition of making real lemonade...
to get us into the mood.
[slurps]
Because nothing says country like choking on a seed.
Hey, do you guys realize we've been going
to the county fair for eight years now?
At least.
Lost my first baby tooth on a candy apple.
So I've taken the liberty of updating our list for tomorrow.
I mean, we're way past kiddie rides and petting zoos.
I totally agree.
So I have something new to...
Oh, good.
Now, I thought we'd enjoy
the Amish quilt exhibits.
Oh, and I wouldn't mind trying my hand at spinning wool,
if that doesn't offend
anyone's feminist sensibilities.
DODIE: We can work that in,
uh... between the topiary demonstration
and the rabbit barn.
To another great, unchanged, BFF tradition.
I invited Darren.
[spits]
Should have gone with the instant.
Heismy boyfriend.
But it's always just been the three of us.
And it still will be... plus Darren.
He really wants to go.
Oh, sure.
I never heard him say that.
Correct me if I'm mistaken,
but didn't Darren use to moo at us on fair day?
Yeah, when he was, like, ten.
You just want to be stuck
on the Ferris wheel with your boyfriend,
so you can make out like they do in every teen movie.
That's not why.
I want to share the day with him.
And you guys.
It'll be just like always.
And if anything,
it'll be more fun with Darren along.
Fine... but I'm not making a new list.
Darren can just pet the angora rabbits with the rest of us.
[Macie sneezes]
Sorry.
Mere mention.
HOODSEY: Did you know they're milking a camel at the fair,
and they're selling the milk, like to drink?
I refuse to be party
to more anti-cow propaganda.
First the soybean, then the goat
and now a mean- tempered dromedary?
What if it spits while it's being milked?
Oh, we wouldn't want to miss that.
Sour expl*si*n layer?
No lactating camels for us, Hoods.
We have bigger freaks to fry.
I heard from Dwayne, who heard from his carny worker cousin,
that this year's fair is showcasing
an exhibit of nature's oddities.
Wow!
I wonder what it'd be like
to have a carny worker in the family.
Beyond our wildest dreams, but that's not the point.
Dwayne's cousin, who goes by one name--
Raymo-- says that...
Raymo.
Even sounds like a carny worker.
Enviably so, but again, not the point.
One of nature's oddities is
a real, live, two-headed horse.
No way!
With two noses and four eyes and four ears and everything?
Yep.
[cracks lollipop]
Cracked through to the jalapeño.
You finish.
I'm too excited to eat.
A two-headed horse.
We got to see it, Carl!
This violates the best friend/boyfriend pact,
and Ginger knows it.
It clearly states that the best friend
must get prior verbal approval
before invading a "girls only" event
with said boyfriend,
or it's an all-out conflict.
Um... could we not talk?
Because when you get all m*llitary-like,
it's scary and confusing.
Oh, how can I expect you to understand?
You don't even care about the county fair.
For your info-tainment,
me and Carl are going to the fair tomorrow.
What's the Gripling limo doing in our neighborhood?
Hi, Courtney.
How's it going?
Oh.
Not too close, Dodie.
I've come down with a dreadful case of boredom,
and it might be catching.
Huh?
Summer is almost over, and I haven't had
that offbeat summer experience,
which I will use to enthrall
less-interesting peers on school's first day.
And don't suggest I recycle one of my old stories.
That may have worked last year,
but not in high school.
What's Ginger up to these days?
Oh, just violating practically every BFF law there ever was.
Tension in the ranks?
Oh.
How un-boring.
Courtney...
I think I know just the offbeat summer experience for you.
Hmm...
Last night's chow mein...
rind of gouda.
Oh, we have a winner!
Week-old Tex-Mex casserole.
Mrs. F, I can't help but admire
your confidence in your leftovers.
Comes with age, Macie.
You girls want eggs?
Sounds good, but we can't.
We're saving our stomachs for fair food.
Well, my stomach can handle Lois' special eggs
and a fried salami on a stick, thank you very much.
LOIS: That reminds me...
my Miracle Man Slicer-Dicer--
it's on the fritz ever since you ruined the last one,
cutting up old boots.
Julie and old boots.
Whatever.
I need a replacement, and they only sell them at the fair.
Ginger, take $
and pick me up a new one, would you?
Hey, all!
Or should I just say moo?
Hi, Darren.
Want some of my huevos especiale?
Do I smell last week's Tex-Mex casserole?
Right on.
GINGER: You can't.
It's our tradition to head straight
for the giant deep-fried sticky bun booth.
[chuckles]
Darren...
might I suggest that you allow Hoodsey and myself
to show you the real county fair--
the dark, seamy underbelly that the girls never see
as they stroll through bunny barns and the like?
We're going to thebunnybarns?
I promise you'll have the best day ever.
Maybe we'll even get stuck on top of the Ferris wheel,
if you know what I mean.
Not really.
LOIS: I know what you mean.
Heck, that ploy was around when Martha Washington was a girl.
And it does no good to bribe the Ferris wheel operator,
believe me.
[car horn beeps]
CHAUFFEUR: Good day, all.
I'm here to shuttle everyone to the county fair.
Good morning, simple country folk.
Whoa.
It's Heidi meets Ellie Mae meets a stylist.
Courtney, what are you doing here?
Going to the fair with you, of course.
Ourcounty fair?
The very same, Macie.
Why, I would never have even known we lived in a county
if it weren't for Dodie.
It's everything I imagined--
the sights, the smells, the lack of fashion.
So, uh, hey...
let's hit the rides, have some food
and, uh... what, split by
One?
We always stay until night.
You do?
I mean, we do?
COURTNEY: Oh, Darren...
haven't you seen Dodie's list?
So much to do, so little time.
Mmm... my thoughts exactly.
Come on, Hoods.
Meet back here at :.
No prob.
Say, sis...
how about letting me relieve your burden
of purchasing the momster a new slicer-dicer?
Hold on.
You're going to conveniently forget
and use the money for junk.
Uh... how right you are not to trust me.
I was going to use it for multiple viewings
of the two-headed horse.
You are seriously disturbed.
Well, then, I'm in the right place.
[both cackle]
You were right.
These things are great.
I know.
That's why I wanted to be here for your first bite.
Do you people know what you're doing?
Why, nursing seals have less fat than these buns.
Yes, but the giant deep-fried pickle
burns serious calories just with the chewing,
so it balances out.
Courtney, we don't want to think about fat grams today.
We come here to feel young and uncomplicated.
Really?
Oh, I've always wanted to feel that way.
Maybe later we can go
on one of those nauseating rides,
and I'll toss my cookies in a metal rubbish bin.
Cool with me.
Ew... Darren.
COURTNEY: Are you telling me
these fuzzy, cuddly creatures are real, live sheep?
MACIE: Best in the county.
They're getting ready for the show ring.
Competition, stylish outfits, attentive servants.
Sheep are so me.
Come on, we'll show you our favorite.
Good luck, Mamie.
She won't be showing this year.
Mamie's just given birth.
There's her lamb.
[bleats feebly]
It's refusing to nurse.
Once it rejects its mother, we have to take it away.
Wrench a newborn babe
from this prize-winning, snowy-white sow,
just because it's not thirsty at the moment?
Barbaric!
Ginger, hurry up.
Dodie Bishop can't hurry me...
not on fair day...
not in the sheep barn.
Yeah, about that--
did you notice it smells in here?
No, it doesn't.
Besides, it's part of being around animals.
So what's say we go be around some rides?
I hear the Screaming Squid hangs you upside down for a whole seconds.
That's for later.
Can't you just enjoy the sheep barn?
I don't have to do that, do I?
Because these are new Kicks.
None of this silliness.
You can reject your mother later
when you're a teenage lamb.
MACIE: The lamb is drinking.
Farmer Don!
I can't believe it.
You've got a way with animals, young lady.
Our very own sheep whisperer.
Now, I noticed some icky stuff on the lamb's head,
so you might want to give her
a quick shampoo and blow-dry.
Oh, the mama sheep will take care of that.
It's just the afterbirth.
I'll meet you outside.
Darren!
Something wrong with Darren?
Too much sharing the day.
[hums smugly]
[carnival music playing]
That's got to be Raymo.
Name's Carl.
Your cousin Dwayne told me to look you up.
Said you knew your way around this place.
Don't remember having a cousin Dwayne.
Yeah, well, Dwayne said you wouldn't.
My friend and I are on a scientific quest.
Perhaps you could, uh...
Go behind the Tilt 'n' Spin and veer right by the Funhouse.
Second tent down.
Got the pony you're looking for.
Let's go, Carl.
Thank you.
Oh, I'd also like to thank you
for remaining a true American icon,
the last of a dying breed,
like the cowboy and the big band leader.
Nice of someone to notice.
Don't tell your friends.
Hush tickets.
How deliciously corrupt.
You don't disappoint, Raymo.
Ooh, lookee, look.
A woman working out
on pioneer-era exercise equipment.
Excuse me.
What's that medieval-looking contraption?
It's a loom.
I'm making cloth.
Have a seat.
I'll give you a weaving lesson.
Mama always said
not to bother to learn a trade,
but I guess one time won't hurt.
Why is Courtney stopping here?
Isn't she great?
She'll try anything.
And we've got this nifty art to prove it.
Ginger, it's one thing to drag me through the pie pavilion,
but this craft thing?
It's pushing it.
Just a few more minutes, Darren.
I promise.
Why don't we just go off by ourselves?
I-I can't.
Wait here a sec, okay?
Fine-- I'll go look at that furniture.
Got to be more interesting than a huckleberry pie.
[sighs]
Emergency meeting, outside.
Dodie.
Courtney is ruining our fair day.
What do you mean?
We're doing everything on the list.
Well, she's slowing us down.
She has to try everything,
make comments, gush.
You never should have invited her without consulting us.
Oh, and I suppose you consulted us
when you invited lover man on the Ferris wheel?
The boy formerly known as Darren.
Well, that's different, and you know it.
Darren's my boyfriend, and Courtney's...
Well, Courtney.
She doesn't belong here.
Tell that to a grateful Farmer Don.
Um, not to mention the hippie chick with the loom.
Look-- Courtney's my friend, but that doesn't mean
I want to share our BFF traditions with her.
That's for the three of us... plus Darren.
Plus Courtney.
Ginger,
I've waited long enough.
I'm going to ride the Screaming Squid
and get some pizza.
No... you can't.
Excuse me?
What I meant was...
She meant, we don't do rides
until it gets dark, and pizza is out,
because we eat giant deep-fried pickles next.
Let me explain something.
[anvil rings]
I don't care.
I'm tired of being dragged
all over this place doing your thing.
I came here to have fun...
with my girlfriend.
Catch you later.
Darren, wait.
Here we are.
Where'd Darren go?
To the midway.
I'm going after him.
Tradition's all messed up anyway.
It sure is.
Stay behind the ropes at all times.
No feeding the animals.
CARL: World's largest mouse, world's smallest dog,
live, two-headed horse.
Gosh, Carl.
That horse looks kind of small
in that picture.
That's because it's a miniature horse, you ingrate.
And finish that caramel apple outside the tent.
It keeps getting better.
The horse is already a freak of nature by being miniature,
and it's got two heads.
Being small is nothing to be ashamed of.
I think they're a special breed, Carl.
I'm just saying, this horse may be
the singularly most twisted thing I've ever seen.
And dude, I have seen a lot.
No flash photography.
Go on in.
[people oohing and ahhing]
MAN [in background]: Well, that's something you don't see every day.
[oohing and ahhing]
A capybara from South America.
I mean, it's a member of the rodentia family,
but they can't pawn it off
as a common field mouse.
Yeah.
Who do they think they're fooling?
Big deal.
You see those on TV commercials.
We want the real thing.
WOMAN: Get out of there.
Out of my way.
HOODSEY: Step back.
CARL: Coming through.
Look at those people.
They're displaying the worst of humanity.
Hey, back off, you horse harassers!
Let's get out of here, Carl.
Maybe some things are best left to the imagination.
No, Hoods.
Maybe I was once like this unfeeling mob--
interested only in the exploitation
of a tiny, two-headed beast of burden.
But now,
now I'm interested in something else entirely.
You mean...?
That's right.
Liberation!
[horse whinnies]
Yee-ha!
Carl, you don't even know how to ride.
Hello, ladies.
Run, boy.
I mean,boys.
Run like the wind!
Ginger, do you care that your only sibling
is on what appears to be a two-headed, runaway pony?
Of course she doesn't, Macie.
She's having a boyfriend crisis.
Ginger, what was the fight about?
I-It wasn't really a fight.
I guess Darren just got bored.
Bored? Here?
I don't understand.
He never really wanted to come.
I talked him into it.
I just thought Darren and I...
Picture T-shirts.
Oh, we have to do this!
...would have the best day ever.
COURTNEY: Ginger!
Guys, I don't really feel
like having my picture taken.
And we need to find Darren
so someone will stop being mad at me.
You don't want to go there, Dodie.
Fine-- take Ginger's side.
COURTNEY: I should say not.
It's about creating lasting memories.
Never pass up an opportunity
to have your image preserved,
even if it is blurry
and will probably fade with washing.
Now, remember-- teeth, not gums.
Not how I want to remember our day.
Again, please.
Come on.
Drink up, boys.
Long journey ahead.
[gasps]
No!
I ran you too hard!
Your liberation was your downfall.
HOODSEY: Oh, Carl.
Carl, you should have seen it.
That mean carny dude was screaming,
and people were all, "I want my money back!"
And someone let loose the giant mouse and...
Agh!
I'm scarred!
Scarred for life!
I should have left well enough alone.
Sure these two fine heads were ridiculed
by fellow horses and people alike,
but at least they were together.
[sniffling]
Uh...
Carl.
That smells funny...
like when I used to wash my toys in the toilet.
Hey.
It's a stuffed animal.
Look at those glass eyes, that synthetic mane.
So you were in on this scheme, too?
Boy, were we suckered!
Guess there's no one true thing at this place.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
How'd you find me, anyway?
Duh.
I knew you'd go for the bunny barn.
Hoods, it's like sometimes you're my second head.
I know what you mean, brother.
[goofy laughter]
[bell rings]
Ooh, I did it, I did it!
And it only took tries at a dollar each.
I love this game.
We've looked everywhere for Darren.
COURTNEY: Stack them up again, boys.
I still can't believe it.
I never expected Courtney Gripling to be so into the fair
and Darren to be sonotinto it.
I would've guessed
she'd make fun of everything
and make us miserable.
I'm so sorry, Ginger.
I invited her to get back at you for inviting Darren.
I guess I was just afraid that you'd have a better time
at the fair with your boyfriend
than you ever did with us.
Maybe I wanted that, Dodie.
A little.
I'm sorry, too.
Candy apples, anyone?
I think my permanent teeth are all in.
[laughing]
How do you get out of this thing?
Help!
Macie!
Must get out.
Must get out.
Oh...
You're on your own, girls.
I'm completely unattractive and disproportionate...
yet I can't look away.
[laughing]
Look at your hair!
GINGER: Courtney, you've been great.
I can't wait to do this next year.
Next year?
You plan on coming back?
OTHERS: Yes.
Girls...
Once is an experience.
More than that is, well... borderline pathetic.
I mean, this is fodder for the cappuccino card,
but it's a bit coarse for a Gripling.
Here we go.
[laughing]
I'd like to get off now.
You!
Worker man with ponytail.
I insist you stop this thing at once.
GINGER: It's no use.
Just enjoy the ride.
I think I-I'm going to be...
[girls screaming]
[screaming and yelling]
MACIE: Oh, for the love of Mary!
[crying]
GINGER:Darren!
Darren!
Hey, Ginger.
Be right down.
Buy me a slice?
GINGER: Even though we all enjoyed the tractor pull, I'm pretty sure
Darren and Courtney were glad the day was almost over.
And to be honest, so was I.
It's exhausting trying to mix old traditions with new,
old friends with new.
But when Darren gave me the Miracle Man Slicer-Dicer,
which I totally forgot to buy for Mom,
I realized that while it wasn't the best day ever, Darren was.
And that's what counts.
Hey, check it out.
It makes perfect French fries, julienne.
Got a potato?
HOODSEY: I'm scarred!
Scarred for life!