02x02 - Triumphant Return to the Studio

[bunniefuu]

-Gosh, am I underdressed?
-Even for a scarecrow.

This is a lot, even for you.
What, is this coat from the Nicole Kidman

-Undoing Collection?
-It is.

We have to do everything we can
to build our own hype.

And paparazzi always hang out
by recording studios.

Does my face look hotter after
"Leave me alone, animals"

or "You k*lled Diana"?

"Animals" has a nice pout.

It's so cool. We get to make the album
we want this time.

Finally, we're in charge of the sesh.

No more singing whatever crap
they give us.

Half our old songs weren't spell-checked.

♪ We don't want no average Joe
So you better be rolling in some Doug ♪

-It should've been "dough."
-Yeah.

[cell phone buzzes]

-Speaking.
-Oh, hi. Okay, so Kev just landed.

I'll be there by like 2 p.m.
at the latest.

[Dawn] Okay. Don't stress,
it's just day one.

Just be laying down demos.
Gloria's not even out of the hospital yet.

Oh, okay.

I am so excited to get
this divorce announcement over with,

and then Kev and I can offish file
the paperwork.

-Proud of you.
-Has to be done.

And, guys, can I just say the one thing
that has been getting me through this time

is knowing that I have friends

-who just support and love--
-There they are!

Leave me alone, animals!

I'm just trying to make Wickie Roy's
triumphant return to the studio!

-Oh, God!
-[shutters clicking]

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

-♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪
-♪ It's too short ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 3gether
'Cause that's one more than 2gether ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

♪ So, what are you waiting 5? ♪

♪ Girls5eva ♪

Oh, yeah.

-We can make magic here.
-Is it sound-proofed, though?

-I can hear a bus lowering.
-Not a bus.

I'm discharged, m*therf*ckers!

-You are?
-Amazing!

Yup! They sent me home for PT.

This thing rips through your scar tissue
in real time.

Hey. As you can probably guess
by my vibe, I'm Ray.

-Oh, hi.
-Don't worry.

I don't smoke, I just keep it in my mouth.

-Right on, Ray. Dawn.
-Yeah.

Our names are both buds with the sun,
cool-cool.

-Let's get cracking!
-[Wickie] Absolutely.

Oh, God. To work.

-Whatcha got there, Wick?
-This is my riff rolodex.

All the greats are in here.

♪ Me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Yeah, yeah, oh, oh! ♪

[Dawn] Whoo!

Wow. Get those ready to layer onto this.

'Cause I finished a new song last night.
It's my most ambitious one yet.

Hey, Ray, put me through the board.

-Oh, yeah, sure, okay, right out the gate.
-Siri, pause leg!

-I have it hooked to my phone now.
-Oh.

Ray-Ray, let's do ethereal melancholy
for the vocals.

So you can really crank the stank
on Q fader four, thank you, buddy.

Okay. According to
the Oxford English Dictionary,

the word "set" has the most meanings.
Four hundred and thirty.

And this song uses all of them.

♪ Where she grew up, they used to say ♪

♪ Set the table, dear
Set an example here ♪

♪ Do your problem set ♪

♪ Don't take the first ring set
With shiny stones ♪

♪ There's that word, set ♪

♪ Won't leave her alone ♪

♪ Age 22, set her luggage down ♪

♪ Set sail and run, run, run this town ♪

♪ Skyscrapers set her soul on fire ♪

♪ Her heights set higher and higher ♪

♪ Oh, boy, she thought that she was set
With her set of life tools ♪

♪ But the city changed the rules
And said game, set, match ♪

♪ Game, set, match ♪

♪ Bump, set, spike! ♪

♪ Age 23, ready, set, go ♪

♪ Phasers set to stun ♪

♪ Set the prisoners free! ♪

♪ When the sun sets blue
Over Alpha Centauri ♪

♪ We'll be setting course for the colony ♪

♪ Age setenta
Tea set's set for one ♪

♪ Life still feels like it's just begun ♪

♪ But with her hair set one last time ♪

♪ She says game, set ♪

♪ Match ♪

[clapping]

I counted 370.
I think I missed a few, but...

Siri, resume leg!

Eight minutes.

-That's a lot of real estate for riffs.
-[Ray] Yeah, cool, Dawn.

-Lot of ideas in there.
-Thanks, Ray.

Okay, Wick, I think
we'll give you ages 20 to 43

-and Gloria, we'll give you 44--
-Hey, so before we dive into tracks,

I wonder if it's worthwhile
to take a step back.

What's the theme of this album?
There's no wrong answer.

Like, when I worked with Daniel Powter
on his album Daniel Powter,

we determined early on
that the theme would be Daniel Powter.

-You produced Bad Day?
-Yeah, that was my first big gig.

You're not just an engineer?
You're a producer?

By day. On the weekends,
I work with reclaimed wood.

Right now, I'm working on turning
a single-slab dining table

back into a tree.

You co-wrote "Counting Stars"
for One Republic?

"Hope is a Four-Letter Word" came to me
while I was eating dim sum.

For me, dim sum is the shower.

-Oh, you're a word writer too?
-Yeah, that's really my wheelhouse.

Wheelhouse, teal blouse, veal mouth.

We're all wordsmiths.

Sushi sampler. Sushi sampler.

Big baby's business
is big baby's business.

Big baby's business
is big baby's business.

Sushi sampler.

Oh, man. It's gonna be hecka weird
to divide stuff up.

Two flat-irons, that's easy,

but this schweet house
is gonna have to pick one of us,

and maybe it'll pick me
since I paid for it with W.T.I.T money.

But you're barely ever here.

Do you think Neil Armstrong doesn't love
space just cause he's only been twice?

-Dag, I hate all of this!
-Okay, 20 seconds. You ready?

-I flew here, didn't I?
-Hey! What is up?

Sum, I'm trying to be cool,
but this whole situation smells.

What am I getting out of this thang?

It's one thang to lose you
but it's a whole other thang

-to lose the Summer and Kev fans.
-They'll be sad, but they'll get it.

They stuck by us
when our edible candles weren't.

But this is the big D.

We're late now. Come on,
let's just get this over with.

Okay, babe.

Hey, fam! You're live with...

@RealSummerAndKev_FaithFirst_
DMForPaidPartnerships_.

-Yeah, and, um...
-Whoa!

Look at this attendance.
This must be a new record, huh, Sums?

Yes, and Kev and I
just wanna thank all of you

for your support all these years.

Your love and light has been totes noted.

And so today we're here because--

Oh, no, we're not announcing
an Easter special, unforch, Shelly5.

-Nope.
-Nope.

We don't need a surrogate,
but I'm sure you got a dope ute,

-SniperMomOmaha.
-No.

With two heavy hearts...

Kev and I stand united,
we stand to announce that--

Stevia's been kidnapped!

Huh!

Oh, snap! She has been found!

No. No.

Actually, fam, Kev and I are getting--

Super stoked about that
Easter special idea!

Let's do a house tour. Yeah!

Oh, look at this,
it's a hallway, y'all! Oh!

Kev Cameron Kirk Hamlin.

-Are you insane?
-I shanked, babe.

I saw all that Summer-and-Kev love
coming in and I shanked!

I'll file the papers by myself.

The guys at the courthouse like me,
they keep giving me my license back.

Let's think this through.
Summer and Kev is our gravy train.

If we split up, all that goes bye-bye.

Girls5eva got a record deal.
So I can handle this chapter.

Babe, your advance cannot pay
for this house and your hair.

Plus, I don't believe in divorce.

I took a vow for life with one hand
on The Bible: The Magazine.

The one where the cover said,
"Shut Up, Dixie Chicks!" You remember.

-I can't stay in this!
-I'm not saying you have to stay.

Maybe we could figure
something out that works for both of us.

We stay married, but only for the fans,
and then IRL, you do you, I do me.

Couples do that all the time, right?

Swedish royals. Pastor Chazz
and Mrs. Pastor Chazz.

That president with the leg blanket
and his shortie.

-Stevia, are you hearing this?
-Everyone's public persona is a character.

Like on TikTok, I'm anti-bullying,
but in real life--

Oh! Dag! Respect the elders, yo!

Huh...

Dawn, I like that fourth bridge,
but what if that's the chorus?

-Oh...
-And move her 60s before her 30s?

Mm-hm.

Hey, Ray, can you give us a sec?

We need to empty Gloria's fluid bag.

[Ray] Oh, yeah, sure, right on.

I don't have a bag anymore.

I urinate by lying sideways in the shower.

-So how we gonna do it?
-Do what?

Get rid of Ray!
We got another toxic dude on our hands.

Did I miss something?
Did he take his d*ck out?

Not that I would notice.
They are so boring to me.

-No.
-I don't think I saw him sniff our chairs.

He didn't, but--

It seems like he's asking
the right questions.

Like, what is the theme of our album?

-Is it Daniel Powter?
-[phone chimes]

-Oh, my God!
-Jesus.

I got a Google Image alert.
My paparazzo pics are up.

They're probably on EW or TMZ
or DMZ, the North Korean TMZ.

Okay, uploaded to WikiFeet.

-I have a perfect rating.
-[Gloria] I do not get the foot thing.

I am just a meat 'n potatoes genitals gal.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

-They saw it?
-Saw what?

Fricking wind!

Oh, my God. This is bad. This is bad.

What did they see, Wick?

My bad foot.

-[Gloria] What?
-[Wickie] Okay.

I have a good foot and a bad foot.

The good foot, the left one,
is classical perfection.

High arch, baby bottom heel, might as well
be carved by Michelangelo's sword.

That's why I always put it front-of-house,
posed with one leg out, Angelina-style.

But the other foot,

while fully functional,
is far from beautiful.

Nicknamed Reek.

It lives in the shadows.

I've kept it hidden my entire career.

How have I never noticed this?

It's been buried in the sand
during spring breaks,

hidden behind bunnies in
"I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" ads.

I even tried to launch a doomed shoe line.

They're from my collection, Miss Match.
Spelled "M-I-S-S."

But let's circle back
to Mel's exciting news.

-Well, can we see it?
-Yeah. Out with it.

Once you've seen something
called geographic tongue,

you can handle anything.

Come on. Slap that roast up here.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Wow, that nail has a real
fried-plantain kind of vibe to it.

-I know!
-Where's that toe trying to go?

-Away from itself. Wouldn't you?
-Hi, guys.

-[Wickie] Yes.
-You're not perfect?

Oh, God.

I will not lose my perv base!

-So how did your announcement go, Sum?
-Well...

-[paparazzo 1] Wickie? Oh, there she is!
-[paparazzo 2] Wickie!

[paparazzo 3] Wickie! Show us your foot!

How about a sh*t, come on!

The lies about my feet
are just that, lies.

Fake news. No further comment.

So we'll just do separate lives.

How is that any different
than what you've been doing for years?

Yeah, how on earth is that progress?

Well, I was never living
my separate life before.

You know, now I can open my eyes to men.

Hey. You know, I really like a man
who wears...

four different sweatshirts.

This looks comfy.

My truck's over there.

I'm kind of full, so you'll have
to do most of the moving.

You were just an example, sir!

Hello, foot soldiers.

As you know, since WikiFeet came to be,
I've had the highest possible feet rating.

My feet have been breathing
the same rare air

as Mariah or Eliza Dushku before baby.

Today, that all changed.

But I assure you,
the blurry photo you saw was doctored.

Let me show you
what we all know to be true,

that both my feet look like they were
meticulously drawn by a lonely anime guy.

Loving those likes and hearts. Thank you.

What are you doing?

It's my room.

Two mirrors? Now it's too many feet!

Disappointed!

What's our secret to everlasting love?

Tony C's Bail Bonds.
In Fort Thomas, Arizona!

Family-owned and faith-based,

it's your one-stop shop
for all your bail-related needs.

-Link in bio, y'all!
-Link in bio, y'all!

Oh, schweet, only ten more to bang out,
and then we can start on the Cameos.

You know, I thought I'd have trouble
acting like your wife, but acting is easy.

Like, why is Daniel Day-Lewis always like,
"I'm retiring, this is hard."

[gasps] I got tagged!

Oh...

Oh, no. Oh, no.

-[Kev] Oh...
-I only did flirting once

to prove a point!

We should have talked about discretion.

-I don't like this.
-Babe, it's not that bad.

This account isn't even verified.

It only has like 20 likes,
and it ends in a question mark.

Like, is she cheating on Kev?

But what about when I wanna do real stuff?

Or when you do?

This separate lives thing
isn't gonna work.

You have to suck it up and give me
the damn divorce, babe.

But I don't believe in it.

-Just figure it out, babe.
-This is supes hard for me, babe.

But...

I guess I'll figure out a way
to give you what you want.

I think they knew it was me.

I can't believe I'm dodging cameras.
Do I have to live in here now?

Would you just forget about the paparazzi?

Let's just focus on the work
and lay down "Set."

"Set." Okay.

I think I gave Ray enough
non-verbal cues yesterday

that he'll just be a button-pusher today,
'cause I was like...

-Yeah, so that's...
-I think that's really great.

Hi!

Girls5eva!

So after you left yesterday,
I got dim sum and then ideas.

And I was like,
what if we sprinkle in some sugar,

cook the hook, so it's like:

♪ Game, set, match
Game, set, match ♪

♪ Game, set, match ♪

[Summer] Hey.

Oh, I like this because I get it.

♪ Game, set, match ♪

[Wickie] Okay.

[vocalizing]

♪ Hey! ♪

Well, maybe we wait for Gloria
before we marry ourselves to anything?

This is a real Friday night banger.
Nice work, Dawn.

Actually, it was Ray and computers.

And what if we layered in a little, like:

♪ Ba, boo, bada-boom-boom, yeah ♪

That's just the melody,
the words'll come later--

Uh. Wait, here they come.

♪ When you gonna come back now? ♪

[Wickie] Yeah!

♪ Ooh, ooh... ♪

♪ When you gonna come back now? ♪

-Hi, bye, bye, bye.
-[music stops]

Well, I'm just actually just feeling,
like, a whole other thing coming through.

Okay.

♪ I know them better than you ♪

♪ I know them better than you ♪

♪ I know that Summer got kicked off
Of a flight for working out ♪

♪ And I know that Gloria punched
B.J. Novak in the face ♪

♪ On an unaired episode of Punk'd
And Wickie-- ♪

[Wickie] Pass.

Unknowable.

♪ Is unknowable! ♪

Dawn, I love the passion,
but maybe we can--

Ray had a breakdown in 2015.

-What?
-Dawn.

I read it on the Internet.

Are you referencing my Instagram post
on World Mental Health Day?

I am.

What kind of deep dive did you do on me?

I also saw a post where you ate octopus.

How did it feel eating something
that's capable of pranks?

-Oh...
-That was before the documentary.

Hey, if I'm in the way,
I can just "set" myself up in the lounge.

I get barely paid either way.

What is up with you?

-Let me see your gums!
-What? No! Stop!

Yeah, what's with all this
big baby business?

-Why are you all obsessed with Ray?
-What?

Well, I thought I was our songwriter-er.

Oh, well...

Ray tweaked it, but, Dawn,
it's still your song.

-It doesn't feel like it.
-Someone has an ego.

Game recognize game.

You guys, I carved this role out
for myself, and I like it.

I'm sorry if I don't want to give up
the one thing in my life

that feels like mine.

Do Peloton.
It makes you less precious elsewhere.

[Gloria] Hey, Dawnie.

If you don't wanna work with him,
we don't have to.

Ray's good and all,
but he basically comes with the room.

-Really?
-I mean, if it's what you want.

I feel like all we really need
is an engineer.

[cell phone chimes]

Oh, my gosh, you guys!
Kev announced our divorce. Finally!

Oh, he posted a little video. Wait...

♪ Thought we were for-ev ♪

♪ Thought you were for Kev ♪

♪ You were like "What-ev"
Now I pray to heav ♪

♪ 'Cause summer brings the fall ♪

Oh, no.

♪ Summer brings the fall ♪

♪ When you said love
Did you mean cheat on? ♪

♪ When you said forever
Did you mean until yesterday? ♪

♪ Summer brings the fall ♪

[whimpering]

[line ringing]

Hey, babe, did you see the good news?

Take it down
and tell everyone the truth, you liar!

Hey, babe. I did not shank here, okay?

I just found a way to give you
what you want.

-What?
-I know it's not ideal.

But it also gives me a reason to get
a thang that I don't even believe in.

You get the big D you want,
and I get to keep this gravy train going

by rebranding myself as a broken-hearted
Christian bachelor dude.

Tony C invited me to Zoom poker night.

Tony C chose you?

Oh! How dare you drag me like this?

Kev, you have shanked it
one too many times.

It is about to get ugly, babe.

[screaming]

Okay. I need to clap back and bury Kev!

Dawn, write me something super mean.

He has Invisalign for his calves!

He takes a diet pill
that makes horses run fast.

I have a picture of his penis somewhere.

It got b*rned real bad
in a tanning booth--

-Summer, stop it!
-No! Leave me alone.

I'm gonna make an effigy.

Who has tape and a tan balloon?

No, you're better than this. Don't stoop.

I know this is hard,
but Kev's just scared and he's defensive.

Like Dawn was a minute ago.

But he's making me look bad!

I promise you that you will look worse
if you engage in this.

But I don't wanna be known as the bad one.

And he gets to be all...

perfect.

Sometimes the bad one
is really the stronger one.

[gasps]

It is the stronger one.

Are you making this about you?

I am.

Thank you.

-Give us a sh*t of that bad foot.
-Show us the bad foot!

-Show the bad foot!
-I can't.

Because I don't have a bad foot.
I have a strong foot.

A foot that has gotten me
where I am today.

A foot that suffered
so the other could shine.

This is the foot that kicked
Russell Simmons.

That got an infection testing the grotto
on Joe Francis' plane.

The foot that got electrocuted
when I played the big piano in the rain

at Woodstock '99 in a toe ring.

The foot that jammed itself
in the doorframe

to get me my first and last meeting
at Jive Records!

So, yes, I will happily show you
my strong foot.

Formerly known as Reek, now known as...

♪ My ♪

Matterhorn.

-Wait, so you're not ashamed of it?
-No, I am not.

Now it's not fun anymore.

Good for you.

How do I take my mind off
being a Christian victim of adultery?

That's easy.
Brinehurst Community College.

Start your future now. Link in bio, y'all!

Kev, here's the deal.

You can have all of the sympathy and fans,

but I get the house, the cars,
the Peloton, and Stevia,

plus continued support for my extensions
and three-quarters of all of our doug.

-Dag!
-This is your chance. I'd take it.

Okay.

You deserve all that, Sum.

Quick question, and I've really been
slow-playing this one.

Can I live in the basement?

All of my crabs are dead
due to a critical humidifier error.

And I just feel like it would be
really hard to go back.

I feel good.

And I just started an online forum
called WickieFoot.

Inspired by my new openness.

It's a place where women can proudly share
parts they've kept hidden

-due to societal pressure.
-[Gloria] Hey!

And the pervs found it.

Well, guys, my liberation continues.

I got rid of my Summer loves Kev tattoo.

"Summer loves Kevin Bacon's filmography."

[Gloria] Yeah. We all do, right?

Also I decided
I don't mind being the villain.

This morning, Stevia said hi to me
in the kitchen.

-Which button you want me to push?
-Oh, my gosh.

-Where the hell'd you get that guy?
-TaskRabbit.

-He's an engineer.
-[man] I know all the buttons.

Square. Circle. Red.
Which button you want me to push?

Dawn, your ego could unlock my phone.

-'Cause recognition technology.
-Which button?

Fine.

Ray, can you come back?

-Why?
-Please don't make me apologize.

I can't say sorry to a guy that pushes up
the sleeves of his blazer.

It's called Varvatos-ing.

I was possessive.
And your mix was kind of catchy.

Let's wiggle.

Good job, Dawn. Let's get to work.

Is there a Gloria McManus here?

-Oh, sh*t.
-There you are!

You need to come back, Miss McManus.

Have you been wearing a hospital gown
tucked into your jeans this whole time?

I'm not great at taking help
from people either, okay?

-Jesus, Gloria, go back to the hospital!
-Fine.

I'm good.

♪ Thought we were for-ev ♪

♪ Thought you were for Kev ♪

♪ You were like "What-ev"
Now I pray to heav ♪

♪ For strength ♪

♪ 'Cause summer brings the fall ♪

♪ Summer brings the fall ♪

♪ When you said love
Did you mean cheat on? ♪

♪ When you said forever
Did you mean until yesterday? ♪

♪ I thought I was your male ♪

♪ 'Cause you're my holy grail ♪

♪ But you had to bail, babe ♪

♪ What an epic fail, babe ♪

♪ 'Cause summer brings the fall ♪

♪ Summer brings the fall ♪

♪ Game, set, match, game, set, match ♪

♪ Game, set, match ♪

♪ Game, set, match, game, set, match ♪

♪ Game, set, match ♪