01x19 - Mulch Ado About Nothing

[bunniefuu]

Okay.

You'll never guess this one.

Hmm.

Mango, banana,
- orange
- ( Gasps )
- Zest
- ( Groans ) Cinnamon, tuna fish ( Smacks lips ) And you dipped your toe in it!
- Which foot?
- Right foot.


- Which toe?
- Pinkie.

You are a freak! ( Gasps ) Did you see that? People take way more towels than they need.


- It's so wasteful.


- I know! I'm done with this.

( Giggles ) Now burn it so no one harvests my skin flakes and clones me to take over my life and steal my fortune.

How do you know you're not a clone of the real London? I suppose I could be! All of her clothes fit me perfectly! ( Gasps )
- Girl: Help!
- ( Splashing ) Cody, what's wrong now? That wasn't me, it was a girl.


- Girl: Hello!
- I think it's coming from the ocean.


- Girl: Hey, up there!
- Whoa, it is a girl.

A hot girl.

Floating on garbage! There's a babe in a bathing suit and you're focused on the garbage? Girl: Hello! Will somebody please throw me a line? Okay! I thought the ocean was blue until I saw your eyes.

I think she meant something to pull her in.

Oh, it'll pull her in.

Give it time.

Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! So what's your name? I don't know.

All right, uh, where are you from? I really don't remember anything.

Mm
-hmm, yeah.

Amnesia.

I've always wanted to go there.

I love the tropics.

That's polynesia.

Amnesia is memory loss often brought on by a traumatic event.

How could you forget me?
- I'm Zack, your boyfriend.


- ( Crowd groans ) You know, tonight was the night you were finally going to let me
-
- okay, quit it!
-
-Take you to dinner.


- So how about it?
- I hope you remember how to say no.

Hey, don't speak for
-
- let's call her Marissa.

Ah, because it means "of the sea" in Latin.

No.

'Cause it's written on the back of her bathing suit.


- And what a lovely bathing suit it is.


- Okay.

Thank you, Zack.

You're hitting on a girl we just fished out of the sea.

Hey, she's the catch of the day.


- ( Chuckling )
- ( Crowd groans ) Speaking of which, they're serving lobster on the fiesta deck.

I'm flattered, but considering I just coughed up a couple of squid, I'll pass.

Don't worry, Marissa.

You can stay onboard until we can find out who you are.

Mm, all right.

Let's find some dry clothes.


- ( Sighs )
- There's something weird about that girl.

Yeah, tell me about it.

She turned down this.

Ow! Ooh! No! I gave you one Cody! What are you doing? This is her fourth towel! Yeah, well, there's a
-
- ( Grunts ) Look, washing fewer towels will save on energy as well as reduce the harsh chemicals that get washed into the ocean.

So I'm asking everybody to reuse their towels.


- Aw
-
-
- ewww! I don't even reuse my outfits! My motto is "wear today, throw it away.

" ( Giggles )
- Why don't you give your clothes to the homeless?
- That would be mean.

They don't have matching shoes.

Duh! Don't any of you care about the planet? Right now I care about my guests.

So if they want a towel, give them one.

How do you look at yourself in the mirror? Like this, "ooh, aren't you a handsome devil?" Don't you have towels in your cabin? Only one.

Cody won't give me extra towels to dry my hair.

You don't get this look from one simple flip of the head.

Okay, commence operation towel prowl.

I'm going back to my room.

( Whining ) No! I need a lookout.


- Whoa!
- ( Grunts ) Look out for that water.

Thanks.

Oh, look.

There's a trail of water coming from the hot tub.

And it leads to Marissa.


- What's she doing out here?
- Hmm, I don't know.

Maybe she went for a midnight dip and fell asleep.

Must keep swimming.

She's talking in her sleep.

I must Get back to She's remembering where she's from.

Back to the water.

She comes from the water? Don't you get it? Marissa is a mermaid.

Oh, yeah.

That makes perfect sense If you're zany in the brainy.

Think about it.

We find her floating in the ocean, she says she lives in the water and look at the trail of water she left.

No footprints! ( Gasps ) She's hiding her tail under that towel!
- I just want to be a regular girl.


- ( Squeals ) Of course, she doesn't want to be a mermaid.

I mean, who'd want to live in the ocean? What, with all the robot squids and ghost pirates and unexploded alien torpedoes! Now don't try to make me believe in mermaids by using science.

If you don't believe me, check under that towel.

Fine.

If it'll shut you up.

What are you doing?! ( Chokes ) I was just trying to get a look at your tail.

Yeah, right.

And to think I actually thought you were cute.

But I am cute! Any chance you'll lose this memory too? Cody, what is this? If you hang up a giant girdle, this could be my grandmother's backyard.

I'm doing this for the environment.

I don't care about appearances.

Oh, that explains your haircut.

Get rid of these clotheslines.

And if someone wants a towel to dry their towel, you give it to them.

Fine.

Who cares about the planet? Clean towels for everyone.

Here's one for you and one for you.

Oh, wait, don't use that one, it's dirty.

It's got air on it! Here's one for you.

Oh, and take that one.

Oh, wait a minute, don't use that one.

It's got a drip of water on it.

You better throw it in the dirty pile! That is enough.

Now, Cody, I hate to do this, but you have given me no choice.

You're fired.

What are you doing? Zack.

Zack, Zack, Zack.

Look look look.

"Briny man" 417 clearly states that mermaids have tails when wet and feet when dry.

It's a comic book.

Exactly.

I mean, do you also believe that lobster boy can really sh**t melted butter out of his eyes? Only when he's steamed.

( Scoffs ) This does not prove Marissa is a mermaid.

I'll get you proof.

I have my number one agent on the case.

What agent? ( Spy music playing )
- London's your agent?
- Yep! ( Gasps ) You were
-
- but while I'm undercover it's not London.

It's double
-oh dollar sign.

Isn't this a great disguise? After I put it on, I didn't recognize myself.

( Chortles ) have you gathered? Of all people, you turn to London for intelligence? Yes.

I followed the target into the spa and got the proof you asked for.

Marissa got A seaweed wrap! Bam! Mermaid! Case closed! What are you doing? What's my next mission? Get me a burger and fries.

I'm on it.

Oh, and a shake! Gotta love her.

There's Marissa now.

Let's settle this mermaid thing once and for all.

If she supposedly has a tail when wet, throw this bucket of water at her.

Okay.


- ( Sharp thud )
- Marissa: Ow! Really? Oh
-
- no
-
- ( Stammers ) Woody When someone says "throw a bucket of water," they mean the water in the bucket, not the whole bucket! Oh
-
- now it makes sense.

Okay.

I am so terribly sorry about the incident with the bucket.

It's okay.

Ever since it happened, I've been regaining my memory.


- Mm.


- I was swimming in the ocean training for a long distance race and I must have hit my head on something.


- Rubbish.


- No, I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

Right, okay.

Now who should we call for you? Um, you should call my coach.

He's also my dad, but
- He likes me to call him coach.


- Ooh.

He sounds like the hard
-driving sort.

I'll say.

My father resents every second I'm on dry land.


- Oh, he sounds cold
-blooded.


- Oh, he is.

As much as I want to be a regular girl, I never will be.

I just have to accept it.

I'm destined to live my life in the water.

You were right! I'm in love with a fish! Thank you, Cody.

Did you change your hair? London, I'm Cody.

I like the new Cody better.

( Giggles ) London, I need to get in touch with your father.

You're not gonna ask Mr.

tipton for your job back, are you? 'Cause chicks dig a guy in a uniform.

That's my uniform
-
- nice belly button, by the way.

Thanks.

I keep my key in it.

I can't believe I got fired just because I care about the environment.

I care about the environment too.

I save paper by never reading books.

And I use $100 bills instead of however many $1 bills that would be.

Ooh, woodster, great news.

I've been practicing and now I can hold my breath for a full 42 seconds! Mm.

You should room with me.

Cody's up to like six minutes.

No, I have to learn to survive underwater if I'm going to date Marissa.

Zack, buddy, let's get real about you dating a mermaid.

( Scoffs ) Why should I take advice from you? The only girl on this boat who will actually talk to you is our teacher.

And that's only to tell you to stop breathing so heavily in class.

I was right about her being a mermaid and I'm right about this.

Think about it.

Think about it.

Think about it.

Think about it.


- Think about it.


- Woody! Why are you doing that? I
-
- I was trying to get you to think about it.

( Chimes tinkling )
- Everything about you is so cute.


- Oh.

What are these precious little fingers on your feet called again? Toes.

( Giggles ) I love them.

You don't find them stinky? ( Laughs ) I live with mackerel.

Don't you remember the one who married us
-
- holy mackerel? I remember everything.

Especially our honeymoon in Atlantis.

Our hotel was great.

Every room had an ocean view.

I was so proud when you won 50 clams in the dance contest.

Yeah.

But I think it helped that I was the only one with feet.

I wish we had some of those clams now.


- We're down to our last sand dollar.


- Eh, don't worry about it.

I'll just go back to the loan sharks.

Why don't you just go out and get a job? How am I supposed to do that? I take one step out our front door and I drown.

I'm so sick of that excuse.

I'm sleeping at my sister's reef.

Fine.

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

I should have known this wasn't going to work the minute you showed up to meet my parents with a bowl of tartar sauce.

It was a joke! Joke.

Joke.

Joke
-
- okay okay.

A duck and a beaver are playing tennis
-
- ah, there you are.

Okay, so I finally figured out why you turned me down.

Uh, the cheesy pickup lines? The bizarre bucket att*ck? Two good guesses, but no.

It's because we're from two different worlds.


- What do you mean?
- Well, you know, I heard you talking about how much time you spend in the water and your dad and How you just want to be a normal girl and I get it.

I completely understand why we can't have a normal relationship.

You know, for a sleazy skirt chaser, it's amazing how well you understand what I'm dealing with.

Thank you.

You know, just because I'm human doesn't mean I'm not sensitive to mermaid issues.


- What?
- Ooh, I'm sorry.

Is "mermaid" not politically correct? Would you prefer, um Aquatic American? ( Giggles ) Wait wait wait wait.

You don't really think I'm a mermaid, do you? ( Laughing ) Oh, you do.

But you said you lived "in the water.

" I'm a competitive swimmer, not a mythical creature who lives under the sea.

Then why won't you go out with me? Well, I'd like to, but I'm in training for the Olympics.

I don't really have time for a social life.

So you never have a break? Well, sometimes I rest my head on my kickboard for a few seconds while I'm doing laps.

Wow.

You know what? I'm gonna teach you how to relax.


- Is this another come
-on?
- Absolutely.

But why don't you give it a sh*t? You really think you can help me relax? Oh, yeah.

You know, if the Olympics gave out medals for laziness, I'd get the gold.

Well, I'd win it.

I wouldn't actually get it.

'Cause then I'd have to walk up those two steps.


- ( Giggling )
- Sweaty.

Okay, I have our entire schedule of the day mapped out.


- This page is blank.


- Exactly.

Cody: Ever hear of recycling?! That's why I threw it at you! Now sit back, relax and let your mind go blank.

Are you practicing your kicking? No, those are the jets.

The jets have toenails?
- You're training.


- Okay okay, I'm practicing my kicking.

Training is in my blood.

And gravy is in mine.

Now stick with me, kid, and I'll help you through this.

Now lay back and just float.

Ah! This is really relaxing.

You see? Nothing can disturb you.

You caught her in the water? Does she have a tail? Let me see! I gotta stop reading so many comic books.

Oh! What is that smell?! Oh my
-
- garbage!
- ( Roaring )
- ( Crowd screaming ) We're being att*cked by a smelly monster in hideous clothes! Run for your lives! I'm not a monster.

I'm a mutant with a harrowing glimpse of your future.

If you don't get out of that costume and clean up this mess, you're not going to have a future.

If we don't change our ways, this is what the world will look like! Oh no! There are no maids in the future? ( Gasps ) Disgusting, isn't it? We'll be living in our own garbage.

Our species will be forced to evolve into this! Annoying preachy teenagers? I hope you guys like eating cockroaches 'cause that's the only food we'll find.

No pizza? Only for the wealthiest people in the world.

Yay, rich future pizza
-eating me! Me! But it doesn't have to be this way.

There are little things we can all do that will make a huge difference
-
- like recycling and conserving energy.

The creepy garbage elf makes a lot of sense.

Well, that may be, but my passengers don't want to have to worry about this on their vacations.

Let's ask them.

Would you guys tolerate a wash
-when
-needed policy for towels and sheets?
- All: Yeah!
- And how about glasses of water instead of plastic bottles? All: Yeah! And instead of eight meals a day on the ship, we could all get by on, say, three.

All: No.

No.

Okay okay, baby steps.

See, Mr.

moseby? People want to care.

You just have to get their attention.

Well, you certainly got mine.

Now perhaps we can implement some of your ideas to help make the ship greener.

Thanks, Mr.

moseby.

And can I please have my job back? Sure.

Now the first thing I need you to do is take this garbage back to the trash room.

Trash room? I got this from under Woody's bed.


- I'm filthy.


- I'm filthy rich.

( Chuckles ) You see how much better that was than taking the stairs? I sure do.

I had no idea there were so many ways to do nothing.

You should write a book.

Ah ah ah
-
- typing.

Of course.

Pffft! Oh, Marissa, your father's on the phone.

Hi, coach.

Yeah, I'm fine.

How's mom?
- No, I haven't been swimming.

I've been relaxing.


- Good for you.


- Well, I don't care if you don't like it.

I do.


- You tell him.


- That's why I'm quitting swimming.


- Right.


- Bye.


- Wait, what? Why are you quitting swimming? Because you've shown me how much fun it is to sit and do nothing.

Well, yeah, for a couple of days, but not all the time.

You do.

That's because I don't have any special talent or drive or ambition.

Wow, I'm a loser.


- And your point was?
- Oh I mean, look.

You've trained your whole life to be the best.

Don't just throw it away.

( Sighs ) But it's so much pressure.

Okay, well, then tell your dad sometimes you need to stop swimming and just float.

Maybe you're right.

You know what, Zack? You do have a talent.

You're a great friend.

Oh no, another friend speech.

Only until I win the Olympics.

And then I'll be looking for someone to celebrate with.


- All right.

Then you know what I say?
- Hmm? Go for the gold and swim back here as fast as you can.


- Cody: Hey, guys.


- Ah! Monster! ( Screams ) He believes in a lot of mythical creatures, doesn't he? He also believes he's going to graduate high school.