01x18 - Hong Kong Knights

[bunniefuu]

So, Mr. Long,

care to explain
today's incident?

Principal desetto, I was
all chilling in class,

yo, yo, yo, report to
the principal's office.

Is she buying it? All I
can hear is...[Mumbling]

Yo, spud,
where's your
glass at?

I told you
to press it
to your ear.

It is.

No, boy.
Your ear.

It is!

That is
your rear.

So, Jake, if what
you say is true--

Then I must assume
the images caught
by the school's

state-of-the-art
security system are
some sort of illusion.

♪ My grades, they be
slipping, but rotwood,
he be tripping and ♪

♪ Yo, you know,
it's over, just look at
his hair comb-over ♪

♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo-yo ♪

Hey, yo-yo, here's your yo.

Jake long, report to
the principal's office.

So how many
days of detention
we talking? 2? 3?

No detention.
I think you might benefit
from a little assignment.

A 15-page essay
describing your
real-life role model.

Yo, desetto is
trippin' hard, dude.

Like some essay's
gonna teach me a lesson

about respecting
my authority figures.

[Sighs] Man, this day
could not get any worse.

I've been watching
the American dragon grow
more powerful by the day,

just like his master
before him.

Tonight, they will
both be ours.

[Menacing laughter]

♪ He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪

♪ People,
we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪

♪ Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American dragon ♪

Dragon up!

♪ American dragon ♪

Oh, oh, oh,
whoa!

♪ He's the American dragon ♪

♪ Break out
with the dragon ♪

♪ Skills are
gettin' faster ♪

♪ With grandpa,
the master ♪

♪ His destiny
will walk up sheets ♪

♪ It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪

♪ American dragon ♪

♪ From the "j"
to the "a" ♪

♪ To the "k"
to the "e" ♪

♪ I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C. ♪

Ya heard!

Jake! Get back
to work!

Aw, man.

So jakey, who
you gonna write about

'cause you know,
I'm open for interviews

this evening between


Come on, trix,
everyone knows
I'm Jake's role model.

Who else can floss
their sinus cavity
with spaghetti?

Uhh, stop, boy!

Hey, what about your gramps?

Maybe you should write
your paper on him.

My gramps. Really?

Yeah, not a bad idea.
I dig his yin
and his Yang.

Yang, he needs
a booster seat when
he eats at restaurants.

He's so cute.

Well, g's cool and all,

Jake, where have you been?
I told you to clean up
the shop.

Yo, g, chill. This
place is so spotless,

you could eat off
the counter.

Tikamasala
from murry's house
of curries.

Mmm.

Uhh!

Whoa!

See, clean as a whistle.

Aw, man.

Jake, there is no time
for horseplay.

The shop must be
in tip-top shape

when counselor Chang
arrives.

Chang. Her royal pain-ness
is coming here? Tonight?

Seems she's
got some hot tip
on the dark dragon.

Chang will be here any minute,

and we must all make
a good impression.

Did you give fu dog
his flea bath like I asked?

Uhh, yeah. Tsk,
of course I did.

Sorry, fu. Desperate times
call for desperate measures.

Kid, no.
Don't even think about it.

Besides, this puppy
is 100% flea-free.

Hey, frank, how was
your trip down south?

Well, the rent's dirt
cheap, but you pay
for it in other ways--

If you get my drift.
Ohh.

Trust me, it'll
just take 2 seconds,

and--whoa!

Ohh, ohh, ohh! Ahh.

Aah! Whoa!

I ask you,
where's the dignity?

[Muttering]

[Jabbering]

Jake!

Look on
the bright side, g,

at least Chang
isn't here yet.

Hey, Chang.

Waz up?

Our mission, Lao shi,
is simple.

My source has
informed us that a troll,

living in
the nearby sewers,

has had a recent contact
with the dark dragon.

I know that tunnel. It's
right under my school.

I use it all the time
to sneak out
of rotwood's...

Uh, are you doing
something new
with your hair?

The 3 of us must get
answers from this troll
before he runs.

Tsk, that's what
I'm saying.

Well, what's that,
dark dragon?
You want some of this?

Well, good luck, 'cause
freaky can't touch
the pretty.

You must stay and
clean up the mess
you have made.

What? No way, gramps.

I faced the dark dragon
and survived, just like you.

Jake, you will
not question
your dragon master.

But, aye,
very well, Lao shi.

That's it, fu.
I've had it with gramps.

I could take on
the dark dragon

all by myself
if I wanted to.

You know who
you sound like, kid?

Gramps, back when
I first met him.

Yeah, right.
G was born old.

Follow me. I think
it's time you learned

a little bit more
about the old man.

Let's see, where...
Ah, bingo.

Every official
animal guardian has 'em.

It's our job to keep
detailed accounts
of all our missions...

And to master old MacDonald
on the nose flute.

[Plays old MacDonald]

Hey.
What's in this one?

Kid, don't!

That's one of my,
ah, heh heh...

Personal journals. Heh heh.

I'll just keep that
handy for later.

Aha! Here we go.

Picture it, kid.
Hong Kong, 1972.

Let's just say it wasn't
the time of my life
I'm exactly proud of.

♪ Well, hey there, sister,
I'll be your mister ♪

♪ Cast aside
those other men ♪

♪ 'Cause this canine's
more like a 10 ♪

Mmm, how ya doing?
You from out of town?

I'm here all week.
Try the veal.

Heh heh heh heh.

What's this?

♪ Hey, there, ladies ♪

♪ Straight from Hades ♪

♪ Look at me,
I'm quite the catch ♪

♪ Throw me a bone,
and I'll go fetch ♪

Hey, you stealin'
from these nice womens?

Hey, hey, it--
it's not what it looks
like. Heh heh heh.

Don't worry.
It ain't my job
to hurt you.

Wah! Wazza! Whoo! Hyah!

So which one of you
groovy babies called
for a dragon, huh?

Hyah!

Dang, fu, gramps really
used to dress that wack?

Wack? Kid, he was
the mack-dizaddy
of his day.

Who was the mack-dizaddy
of his day?

Fu dog was just telling
me about grandpa.

Huh, can we?
Please say yes.

Sure. Just sit back,
relax, and listen

to a great tale told
by a master storyteller.

So any-who, blah, blah,
blah, yada, yada, yada.
Hong Kong, 1972.

Gramps was new
on the scene.

And, just like Jake,
he thought he could

take on the world
all by himself.

He was as cocky
as they come.

Ooh.

Whoa. Patience,
pretty mamas.

Before it can be just us,

Lao shi must
dispense some justice!

Ha ha ha!

Are you ready to get
groove-a-delick?

And it's your groove that's
about to get delicked.

That sounded so much
better in my head.

Hoo-aah! Ah!

Eee-ah!

Ahh! Ow-ah!

Whoa. Hold up.
That cannot be
how it went down.

Yeah, dawg man,
since when were you
the kung fu master?

So I'm embellishing
a little. Sue me.

Truth is, gramps
had me in 2 moves.

Boo!

Fu: Ok. One move.

[Sobbing] Please,
don't hurt me.

I got a wife
at home and kids.

It's--ok, I don't
have a wife and kids

or even
a home, but I'm up
to my neck folds

in gambling debts
and I don't know
what else to do.

Whaa! Hold that thought.

Ladies,
hands in the air.

[Women yelling]

Please, pick me!

My hero!

[Disco music playing]

[Screaming]

Oh, yeah.
Boogie, baby.

Dance, babies.
Dance.

Say, maybe you're
just the guy to pull me out
of this life of crime.

You looking for an animal
guardian by any chance?

Ah, no chance, man.

Lao shi works alone.

Come on, think about it.

I'm great
with the one-liners,

I got funny
stretchy fur. See?

And when it comes
to magical potions,

I'm the guy
who supplies. Huh?

Aah!

[Frog croaks]

Ribbit.

See? I got sidekick
written all over me.

Sorry, groovy baby,
but I-i-i-i-i-i-i!

Fu: That's when the old man
first laid eyes

ah, but that's another
story for another day.

Point is, you and the old
man ain't so different.

Come on, fool!

Don't leave
us hangin', dawg.

Ok, kid, but after this,

you think Chang and
the old man are hanging out

in the sewers right now,
chatting about the old days?

Lao shi, it has been
a long time.

We have been
through much together.

Heh heh heh.
Indeed, we have.

Yet, I remember
the day we met

as if it were
yesterday.

Whoo! Somebody
call heaven

because the gods are
missing an angel.

Or is that just
my heart taking off?

If I could rearrange
the alphabet,

I would put "u"
and "I" together.

If you were words
on a page,

they'd call you fine print.

Whoa, fu! Chang and gramps?

Gettin' all up
in each other's grills?

Blech! The whole thing
made me sick

just listening to it.

Call you fine print...

Ooh! Keep 'em coming, guys.

These lines are pure gold!
Heh heh heh!

Guys?

But as I remember,

our meeting was
not a coincidence.

That is correct.
I came seeking your help.

So, do you have a map,
because I got lost in--

My eyes.
Yeah, heard it.

Listen, the world
dragon councilor

believes the dark
dragon has returned.

We need you to
locate him before he
destroys humanity.

Dang, baby cakes.

You sure know how
to k*ll a mood.

He's been spotted
here in Hong Kong.

But so far,
our sources have
turned up nothing.

Don't sweat it, sunshine.

Me and dragon man
are on the case.

This is great snack mix,
by the way.

First of all,
that's kitty litter.

Second of all, you
followed us home?

It's the leash I could do.
Hacha!

See pops, a witty one-liner.

And look how funny
my fur is.

I'm a pony.

I'm a clown.

And have I mentioned
I'm house broken?

Well, almost house broken.

Clean up, aisle your bed.

Point is, I couldn't be
a more perfect sidekick.

So what do you say, huh?
Can I help, huh? Can I?

Unh, unh, unh, sorry,
freaky folds dude.

No friends, no family,
no sidekick.

This dragon does not
need nobody's help.

Uhh.

So, after
I peeled gramps off
the billboard...

I agreed to let fu dog
accompany us

for that mission
and that mission only.

To someone who had spotted
the dark dragon.

The best dancer
in Hong Kong.

Hyah. Spill what you know
about the dark dragon,

or face Lao shi's
fist of kung fu fury.

Hyah!

Don't flip your wig,
cat.

I'm not telling
you anything.

Besides, the dance floor
isn't for fighting,

it's for grooving.

Ok, boy, then we're gonna
settle this with a little
grooving contest.

I win, you spill the beans
about the dark dragon,
you dig?

Uh, Lao, I don't think
this is such a good--

Yeah, hey, watch me
dance, huh. Dig me.

Dig my dancin'.

Yeah, ohh!
So many legs.

Huh?

Whoo.
Wow.

[All talking at once]

There's no shame
in backing out if you--

Because lucky Lao shi
is about to light up
the dance floor.

Jake: Light up
the dance floor?

Gramps?

Gramps, gramps,
gramps, gramps?

Wait, gramps
infinity! I win!

Sorry, I thought we
were doing a thing.

Not only did
gramps light up
the dance floor, kid,

he put Johnny to shame.

I'm gonna do the thing
and do that thing.

Shake it like you are
never going to break it.

Lao shi does
the righteous moves.

Hyah!

[Rip]

Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!

[All talking at once]

Round 2, this time
with partners.

Fu dog, man,
what are you doing?

Now get that tail of
yours ready 'cause it's
time to shake it.

Oof!

Aah!

Yeah!
Yeah!

Ok, boy, for our finale,

a little something I call
the Lao shi lift-off.

Yeow!

[Groaning]

[Cheering]

We have a winner.

Aah!

Oof!

No, 2 winners, boy.

Lao shi and his new
sidekick, the fu dog.

Jake: So that Johnny wong
dude told you

fu dog: Yeah, he spotted
the dark dragon on
tqueen Elizabeth,

a rusted out,
half-sunken ocean liner
in the Hong Kong harbor.

Chang: He must be
here somewhere.

Maybe we should split up.

Groovy idea,
my little dim sum.

I'll take the stern,
you take the cargo hold.

Uh, why don't you take
the cargo hold?

Ok, whatever floats
your boat, baby cakes.

Come on, fu dog.

[Laughing]

Chinese dragon,
I've been expecting you.

Fu dog: It was
obviously a trap.

[Roaring]

Fu dog: Gramps and
the dark dragon fought
like I'd never seen.

But before I could help,
someone ambushed me from behind.

I went down like
a sack of potatoes

and didn't wake up
till the next morning.

Come on, dark dragon,
let's rumble.

Ooh, wait, where am I?

[Sniffing] Why does heaven
smell like fish guts?

Fu dog: Turns out,
gramps had defeated him.

You should be proud,
Lao shi.

No one other than you
has had the power

to face the dark dragon
and survive,

except for your pupil.

I survived councilor,
but at a price.

See, the fight changed him.

From then on, the old man
was different.

Serious, more like
he is today.

So, gramps is the way he is
because of the dark dragon?

I'm just glad Chang's
with him now.

I don't know if he's still
got the strength

to face the dark dragon
all by himself.

You and your pupil
are both very powerful,
Lao shi.

Too powerful.

That is why I betrayed
you then,

as I do now.

Whoa!

[Yelling]

Ha ha ha.

One down,
one to go.

Hey, yo, Jake.
I told you your old man
was off the chain.

And to think, he'd totally
be different

if that Chang lady had
checked the cargo area
instead of him.

Ok, now. It was Chang who
was the one who told you guys

what if it was her plan
all along to lead you
to the dark dragon?

That means she's workin'
for the dark dragon

she's trying
the same thing


Only in
the sewer!

Gramps!
Gramps!

Gramps!

Gramps infinity!

Blech. Have I mentioned
how much I hate the sewer?

Uh, isn't this where you
meet most of your dates?

Hey, I resent that!

But yeah, pretty much.

Ohh.

Jake...
Must leave!
It is a trap.

A trap which appears
to have worked.

Hey, scales for brains,
just 'cause I fainted
the last time we met

doesn't mean I'm some
helpless little...

[Mumbling]

Ok, so everybody knows

the dark dragon is
one twisted dude.

I thought you cared
about magical creatures.

I do. Magical creatures
once ruled the earth,

until humans forced
us into hiding.

Together we shall create
an army of magical creatures.

So we can take back
our rightful place
as rulers of the earth.

You have a choice,
American dragon.

Join us or be slain.

Gee, thanks so much for
the offer, guys, really.

See, I've got an army
of my own.

[Chattering]

Magical and human.

And we get along
just fine.

Uh, yeah, except
sometimes

Trixie hogs
the half pipe.

Zip the lip,
doughboy.

Ok.

Ha ha ha.

How very amusing.

Shades, seize them!

Dragon up.

Ok, guys. Just
like we planned.

Tooth fairy, now!

Abracadabra.

[Growling]

Aah!

Why hello,
evil shade thingies.

Welcome
to Veronica's
world wide web.

Stick around.

[Grunting]

Come on, gramps.
We're getting you
out of here.

Unless I stop you.

Or unless me
and spud stop you
from stopping him.

Unless you can stop us
from stopping you stop him.

Wait, will someone tell me
what I'm saying?

Please, you're
nothing but
inferior humans.

See, that's the thing,
home slice.

We humans are tricked out
with some of fu dog's
serious magical mojo.

Yeah, now taste our sneakers.

Both: Yeah!

Hyah!

Tara, Sara,
follow me.

Aah!

Hey, yo, check.

Hands up, baby.

No!

Yeah!
That's right. Uh-huh.

We bad, we bad.

You're going to prison.

Where you'll meet lots
of nice ladies

with common interests
and generic haircuts.

Excuse me, Mr. Mean gene.

If you surrender, I'll give
you a free toothbrush.

Rah!

Aah! Oh! Crum!

A stain on
my la la lovely dress.

Prepare to taste fairy dust,
dirtball!

Master, they're escaping.

[Grunting]

Guys, this way.

Yo, g. You'll
be safe up here.

Rah!

American dragon!

You think you can
escape me so easily?

Right, what was I thinking?

Yo, give me your best sh*t.

Rah!

Oof.

He's gonna
swing left.

Right, duck, jump!

Oracles, very
resourceful.

But you're
still no match
for me.

Really? I was thinking
it was time for a little
Lao shi lift-off.

Guys! Now!

Aah!

Oof.

And this is for the dress.

What! Aah!

Yo, is he gone?

Yeah, for now.

[Cheering]

You did it, young dragon.

I could have
never taken on
the dark dragon alone.

It was Trixie, spud,
fu--

Hey, anybody see fu?

Come on, dark dragon,
let's rumble.

Wait, Where'd everybody go?

Jake: I owe a lot to a lot
of people in my life,

especially my friends
and family.

But everything I've
accomplished this year

I owe to my real life
role model...

Grandpa.

You seem to have earned
a great respect
for your grandfather.

Starting today, things
are gonna change. Ha!

Even things between me
and professor rotwood.

Well, holla.

[Screaming]

This is a very
long staircase.

[Screaming]

Meow.

Jake long, to the
principal's office,

now!

Aw, man.