04x01 - Brainwashed Brain Brain Go Away

[bunniefuu]

Gee, Brain,

what do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
Pinky,

try to take over
the world.

♪ They're Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ yes, Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ yes, Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain ♪

Pinky: narf!

[Munches]

♪ Put your fingers
in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em in your belly ♪

♪ don't be afraid if it
jiggles like jelly ♪

♪ yeah ♪

♪ Schmeerskahoven! ♪

Pinky, will you stop doing
that infernal dance?

But Brain,
it's the Schmeerskahoven!

Schmeerska what?

Schmeerskahoven.

It's the latest dance craze
from Denmark! Zort!

This isn't a disco, Pinky.

I have shrunken us
to molecular size,

and we are traveling
through an artery,

inside the human body.

But what about
the happy psychedelic lights

and mind-numbing
rhythmic thumping?

Those happy lights

are actually blood cells
whooshing past us.

And that thumping
is the b*ating of the heart,

which is propelling us to
our destination--

the larynx of folksy
radio personality

tom bodett--

pitchman for a popular
chain of motels,

as well as the voice artist

for those tedious
good idea/bad idea segments.

There, I will implant

my trache-o-matic
control chip.

Pinky: ooh!

Then you can make him say
all sorts of funny things,

like, help, help!
I'm trapped in a Bo--

Pinky, we aren't going
to all this trouble

to indulge in cheap
parlor tricks,
all right?

It's all right.

When middle America
hears my plea
for submission

uttered in tom bodett's
dulcet tones,

they will be
unable to resist,

allowing me
to take over the world!

Both: whoa!

Oof!
Oof!

Aah!
It's a white blood cell!

Something must have happened

to the immuno-suppressant
shield.

Well, maybe
he just wants to dance.

No, Pinky.
He wants to destroy us,

like the germ
he thinks we are.

Quickly,
take evasive action.

Ok.

Sorry,
my dance card is full!

I meant something
more like this.

[Both screaming]

Both: whoa!

Uhh!
Uhh!

[Giggles]
I should have
left you

at the islet
of Langerhans, Pinky.

[Rumbling echo]

Brain: ahh! Oh, no!
[Alarm beeping]

Our little detour

has caused us to veer
into the nasal cavity.

Ah...

ah...

choo!

Both: aah!

[Sniffles]
Oh, excuse me.

Um, I'll try that again.

Ahem.

It's time for another
good idea/bad idea.

Uh, tom,

could you give me more
on the word "good"?

Sure, just let me
get a sip of water.

Whoa!
Whoa!

[Both screaming]

Aah!
Aah!

Oof!
Oof!

Brain: my ship.

Oh, and this plan
was such a good idea.

Good idea--
going to a disco.

Bad idea--

going to a disco
in tom bodett's nose. Narf!

I feel another
good idea coming on.

[Laughs]

Now come, Pinky.

Since we are presently
the size of anthr*x spores,

it will take
an inordinate amount of time

to walk back to the lab.

Pinky: well, we can
always pass the time

dancing
the Schmeerskahoven!

[Dance music begins]

♪ Put your fingers
in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em
in your belly ♪

eee!
Schmeerskahoven.

Only a simpleton
would do that
pathetic dance.

Gosh! [Panting]

This sure is hard!

Singers:
♪ wave your hands in the air ♪

♪ like you won a big prize ♪

♪ bump yourself on the head ♪

♪ and cross your eyes ♪

♪ yeah, [i][i]Schmeerskahoven! ♪

[Music stops]

Hey, what's
the big idea?

Come down from there, bill.

We have something
important to discuss.

Aw, shucks.

I took a bath
last week!

Not that!

Look,
America's report card.

Test scores are dropping

at an alarming rate!

Many of today's
high school graduates
can't even read.

Gee, that--that is bad.

Worst of all,

people actually think
Pauly shore is funny.

[i][i]Bio-dome rocked my world!

[Imitates Pauly shore]
Hey, buh-ddy.

Buh-ddy.

We've got to
host a conference

to stop this
dumbing-Down of America.

We'll invite
all the world's

leading experts
on the Brain.

Aren't you
overreacting, honey?

Man, southern accent:
Mr. President!

Mrs. President!

I done tried
to brung did the coffee!

But I keepeded
burnin' my hands.

You're supposed
to put it in cups,
bobby bob.

Uh-huh.

I rest my case.

Well, let me see
if'n we got

any of them there,
uh..."cups."

Aah!

Don't you worry
about that, bobby bob.

I've got something
special for you to do.

And it doesn't involve

walking and carrying
hot beverages

at the same time.

Good. That's hard.

Hey,
don't I know it.

The president and I
are going to be hosting

a little conference,

and I want you
to make sure

all the people written
down on this list

are invited, Ok?

O-tay!

[Slowly]
"The...Brain."

Oh, his name is real big.

He must Be's important.
[Computer beeps]

"The Brain,

"acme labs,

Usa."

Hold still, Pinky.

Now let's get to work.

We must construct
a new ship for interbody travel.

It's from the white house.

Hmm.

Must be a thank you card

for those jokes
I sent Al gore.

He's probably
asking for more.

"You are cordially invited

to a white house conference
on..."

[Gasps]
"The Brain?"

Pinky, the white house

is throwing a soirée
in honor of...

me!

They must finally
have seen fit

to recognize
my great accomplishments.

Like getting sneezed out
of tom bodett's nose?

Pinky,
the captain has turned on

the no idiots sign.

Please refrain
from speaking.

Ok.

Now, dust off your tux.

We're off to the white house.

Welcome to
the white house.

Please take
a complimentary
balloon animal.

Ahem!

I am the Brain.

Brain, Brain, Brain.

I don't see...

oh, here you are.

Your name is real big.

You must be important.

Hey, whatcha got there?

My little speech.

A manifesto, if you will.

Oh, I thought maybe it
was something important.

Well, welcome
to the white house.

Please take
a complimentary
balloon animal.

Absolutely not!

[Whimpers]

I hate clowns.

Look, Pinky--

a veritable gaggle
of intelligentsia.

There's Nobel
prize-Winning physicist

Friedrich
Von fleezal!

And leading psychologist
Dr. Lydia supsón.

Pinky: [Gasps]

And there's noted thespian
bob "Gilligan" Denver!

It appears my fame
has even reached

the echelons of
Hollywood's

cultural elite,
Pinky.

Just wait
until they hear

my brilliant
manifesto,

outlining my plans
for their future.

[Applause]

Attention, k-mart shoppers.

[Chuckles] Just kiddin'.

Hey, I'm glad
y'all could make it here

to talk about the Brain.

[Applause]

Whoo-hoo!
We heart the Brain!

Yeah!

Ha ha!

You know,
without the Brain,

the world would be
a pretty stupid place.

Don't you think?

[Crowd laughs]
Ha ha!

Ha ha, but seriously, folks,

I thought we'd
start things off

with a little icebreaker--

the latest dance craze
from Denmark,

the Schmeerskahoven!

And here to perform it
is the group who made it famous.

All the way from Sweden,

give it up for baab!

[Dance music begins]

Oh, no. Not that
stupid dance.

♪ Put your fingers
in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em in your belly ♪

♪ don't be afraid
if it jiggles like jelly ♪

come on, Brain!
Do it!

Pinky, the day I do
the [i][i]Schmeerskahoven

is the day
I've lost my mind.

♪ Yeah, [i][i]Schmeerskahoven! ♪

I'm sickened.

Dr. Von fleezal!

♪ Wave your hands in the air ♪

♪ like you won a big prize ♪

♪ bump yourself on the head ♪

♪ then cross your eyes ♪

Brain: Dr. Supsón!

♪ Yeah, Schmeerskahoven! ♪

Am I the only one
in this ballroom

unwilling
to lower myself

into the gutter
of imbecility?

No, Brain.
There is another.

Tv's bob Denver.

Well, at least
[i][i]somebody else

has their wits
about them.

But the rest of them
must be stopped.

[Dance music stops]

[Murmuring]

What's goin' on?

You people should be
ashamed of yourselves!

Not since you're here

to honor me
this evening,

I shall forgive
this momentary lapse.

[Murmuring]

Now, perhaps we should
start the festivities

in a manner
more becoming

of highbrows
such as ourselves.

Does anyone
have an accordion?

Would you mind
telling me who you are?

As if you don't know.

Right, as if I don't know.

Why, he's your
guest of honor--

the Brain!

I'm the subject of
this whole conference.

We're here to discuss
the human Brain.

[Gasps] Egad!

There's a human
version of you?

Ooh, scary.

You mean...

this isn't about me?

It's about all of us.

We need to stem
the rising tide

of stupidity
in this country.

Y'all done wantsed any
cream in your coff-eedy?

Whoopsie.

I rest my case.

But--but I prepared
a speech and...

my manifesto!

Stop, clown!

That clown
stole my speech!

Call security!

Good idea!

[Thwack]

Aah!
Aah!

Well, that was
particularly humiliating.

Yes!

And refreshingly
tingly. Narf!

[Maniacal laughter]

Oh, I hate clowns!

Come on, Pinky.

We've got to get
my manifesto back.

Why, Brain?

It's not like
you're going to give

your little speech now.

I worked hard
on that speech,

and I didn't make
a photocopy.

[Maniacal laughter]

[Laughs]

The stairs!

[Elevator dings]

Brain: ha! We've got you.

He's gone.

Maybe that fellow
knows where he went.

Pinky, that's no fellow.
That's a balloon animal.

Um, I believe the P.C. Term

is inflatable wildlife, Brain.

[Maniacal laughter]

That's odd.

They're expanding.

They must be filled
with some sort of...

gas!

Pinky, it's a trap!

[Both coughing]

It's--[Coughs]--Ether.

Already? [Coughs]

I didn't have time
to get you an ether basket.

[Laughs]

Pinky,

if I weren't
about to drift
into a deep slumber,

I would be forced
to cause you serious...

pain.

[Snores]

Brain, voice-over:
e=Mc squared.

The hypotenuse
of the quadrangle
is infinite.

In tonight's plan...

♪ hippocampus, neural node ♪

I'm going to have
to hurt you, Pinky.

Where am I?

[Pinky laughing]

[Laughing]

Over here, Brain.

Pinky?

What do you want
to do tonight?

Tonight.

Tonight.

Tonight.

The same thing
we do every night,

night,

night, night--

try to take over the--

try to take over--

try to take--

try to--

try to--

try--

try--

try--

try--

no!

Pinky: ha ha ha ha!

[Woman over P.A.]
Mind erasure complete.

[Laughing]

Ride 'em, fishy!

Yee-ha!

Crackers!

[Gulp]

[Laughing]

Woman over P.A.:
Mind erasure malfunction.

This subject has
no mind to erase.

Troz.

[Snores]

Birdies...

[Snores]

Flowers...

[Snores]

Happy...

[Snores]

♪ La la ♪

[Yawns]

[Sighs]

What a beautiful day,
here in the--

land of hats?

Hiya, bowler.

Good morrow,
fedora.

Good day,
tam o' shanter.

Top of the mornin',
derby.

How very...odd.

Good day, pork pie.
Ahem.

I said, "good day,
pork pie."

You must be mistaken.
My name isn't pork pie.

It's, uh...

[Chuckles]

Of course
it's pork pie.

You're wearing
a pork pie hat.

Strawboater
is my name, see?

You must be new
here.

Here? Where is here?

Why, here is
where you are
as opposed to there,

which is
where you're not.

It doesn't take a genius
to figure that out...

pork pie.

I am not a hat.

I am A...

I am A...

what am I?

Why, of course
you're a hat, pork pie.

We're all hats here.

Cheerio, old chapaeu.

Maybe I am a hat.

Oh, Brain, Brain,
there you are!

Did you see
the lovely hat I have?

And the lovely
hat house I live in.

Oh-ho, oh, I am going
to like it here, Brain.

Do I know you
from somewhere, sir?

Wh--of course
you know me, Brain.

Why do you keep
calling me Brain?

My name is pork pie,

as you can see by my hat.

You must be, uh, yes--

you must be fez.

Good day, fez.

Oh, I get it.

Fez, pork pie--

[Whispers]
We're undercover.

Strawboater: pork pie, fez.
[Bell ringing]

Come along,
morning exercises.

Chop, chop.

All: ♪ put your fingers
in your ears ♪

♪ then stick 'em
in your belly ♪

♪ don't be afraid
if it jiggles like jelly ♪

♪ yeah,
Schmeerskahoven ♪

♪ wave your hands in the air
like you won a big prize ♪

♪ bop yourself on the head
then cross your eyes ♪

♪ yeah,
[i][i]Schmeerskahoven ♪

egad, Brain--
I mean, pork pie,

you're doing
the [i][i]Schmeerskahoven.

Of course I am, fez,
everybody's doing it.

Pinky, the day
I do the [i][i]Schmeerskahoven,

is the day
I've lost my mind.

Egad, maybe Brain
has lost his mind...

then it must be true.

Brain's been...

brainwashed!

I mean, if he'll dance
the [i][i]Schmeerskahoven,

he'll do...anything.

Narf...

like all the fun, fun,
silly-Willy things

he's never
let himself do.

Ahh...

there's nothin'
like a relaxin',

long gelatin bath

to refresh
the senses,
ay, pork pie?

Uh, no, I--I guess not.

Are you sure
I like to do this, fez?

Oh, yes, everyone
loves gelatin baths.

And after this,
we can lick the floor

till it's all shiny.

Gee, that sounds...

fun.

Come on, pork pie,

it's time to walk
the sponge.

♪ La la la la
la-La la la la ♪

you don't
look so good.

I must've over-indulged.

[Belches]

I guess that was
one too many linoleum tiles.

Yes, but they are tasty.

You know, fez,
it's nice

to be reminded
of the things

I used to love
to do.

But I can't help
thinking there's
something missing.

Something
I used to have
a real passion for.

It was something...
I don't know--

bigger, like I had
some great destiny
to fulfill.

Hmm.

Um, I-I-I wouldn't know,
really.

Oh, well, let's
keep going then.

Come on, spongey.

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

[Sniffles]

Oh, I can't take it!

Oh, I've been
very bad, pork pie.

You don't like
gelatin baths

or licking the linoleum
or any of it.

I don't?

No!

I just wanted you
to have fun.

And do all the things

you'd never do
when you had your mind.

But now I see
it's terribly wrong.

It's not you--
it's scary.

There's only one thing
you have a passion for...

yes.

The only thing
you've ever wanted

to do is...
[Bell ringing]

Time for the evening
[i][i]Schmeerskahoven.

Chop, chop.

Yes! The only thing
I ever wanted
to do is...

dance!

Troz.

Come, pork pie--

narf! The land of hats
is a bad, bad place.

I've got to get you
out of here

and get your mind back.

Let me go, fez!
I've got to dance.

No, that's not
your destiny.

It's bob.

They've got you, too.

Do you know
the way out?

[Shrieking]

[Gasping]

[All shrieking]

[Screaming]

[Panting]

It's--it's
like a nightmare,

isn't it pork pie?

Pork pie?

No...

[Shrieking]

Pork pie!

No!

♪ They're pork pie ♪

♪ they're pork pie
and the fez ♪

♪ fez, fez, fez, fez ♪

Man: here are some scenes
from part 2 of [i][i]brainwashed.

Put your hands in the air.

[Screaming]

Brain: someone has
booby-Trapped the computer.

We've got
to get out of here.

What kind of person
would blow up our lab?

That clown from
Washington, D.C.?

Newt Gingrich?

You haven't heard
the last of me, Brain!

♪ Bop yourself on the head
and cross your eyes ♪

Both: ♪ yeah,
[i][i]Schmeerskahoven ♪

just as I suspected, Pinky,

unless we can find
someone around here

who's willing to help us,

the whole world is doomed!

Pinky: the top hat's
going to blow it's lid!

[Screaming]

Uhh!
Ooh!

[Sighs]
Pork pie!

Pork pie, are you Ok?