02x08 - The Mummy/Robin Brain

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky--

Try to take over
the world.

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ One is a genius

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ Before each night
is done ♪

♪ Their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over
the world ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign

♪ Is easy to explain

♪ To prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

The brain:
emotion, pinky,

The bane of
our existence.

I thought I was
the bane of our
existence, brain.

Yes, you, too.

Nevertheless,

If you could detach
from your emotions
as I have,

Perhaps you'd become
more analytical

And less compelled
to butter your feet.

Or lick the mop? Zort!

Or lick the mop, yes.

Hold still.

Ech! Tighter, brain.

Make my waist
teeny-weeny.

This treatment
will force you
to use your head

As it was meant
to be used.

As a spatula?

Yes, pinky, exactly.

Pinky, barney is not
a real dinosaur.

[Gasps]

That should keep
your eyes open.

Now, I'm going to flash

A series of images
before you.

By teaching you
to suppress
your emotions,

I shall render you
imperturbable

And brilliant!

Oh, maybe I can
finally figure out

That puzzle you gave me.

What puzzle?

The round
blue puzzle.

That's a ball.

Blue puzzle.

Remember, pinky,

No matter how
tragic and depressing

These images appear,

You must not react.

Announcer:
on that fateful day,

The man known
as evel knievel

Nearly k*lled himself

Jumping up and over
a 4-foot ditch.

Crowd: oh!

Hmm, this
is easier

Than working
a zipper, brain.

Good, pinky.

I shall now increase
the emotional stimuli.

"Dear michael baby,

"I'll always miss
the vinyl touch
of your skin,

"Shopping
and giggling

"Like a couple
of schoolgirls.

I love ya, lisa."

Ooh, oh, brain,

I had my hopes
pinned on this one.

Why, why, why, why?!

You must be strong, pinky.

Do not succumb.

Announcer: p&b biography
continues

With the life and times
of cat stevens.

Oh, it's
too depressing.

Narf.

You must not give in.

Can't-hold-out-
much-longer.

Must-stop-talking-
like-television-
indian.

Batten your hatches,
friend.

I'm going
for the gusto.

Papa?

Gotta wake up
now, papa.

We've gotta
go home now, papa.

Papa?

The brain:
keep focused, pinky.

Be a man like
eleanor roosevelt.

Papa?

Time to get up, papa.

Hey, this is...moving.

Papa!

Papa!

Papa!

Papa.

Papa.

Papa.

Oh, my.

Goo-ah-ooh-hoo,
papa!

Pinky, look,
my face is leaking.

You're not
leaking, brain,

You're--
you're crying.

Trozz.

I am not.

[Sobbing]

Aw, it's all right,
brain.

No one can resist
a terrifically
manipulative

Contrivance with
swelling music,

Except maybe
g. Gordon liddy.

Yes.

Pinky, that's it!

Are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

Well, I think so,
brain,

But we're already
naked.

One more of those,
and I'm calling

The pied piper of hamlin.

Yippee! Ha ha!

Why? He hates mice.

My plan, pinky:

We shall produce
the saddest
tearjerker ever,

Broadcast the movie
worldwide,

And leave the planet
steeped in such depression

They'll be putty
in our hands.

Narf!

Now, follow.

Where to,
brain?

To a place that
never shuts down,

Where the size of
your wallet matters,

And actors and actresses
sl*ve all day.

We're going to denny's?

No, pinky.

Hollywood, california!

[Sniffs]

Ahh.

L.a.

The air's so
thick and tender

You could cut it
with a fork.

[Sniffs]

Oh, brain,

Look at all the stars!

Isn't that michael douglas?

No, pinky.

That's a load
of saggy baggage.

Whaa-ha!

Whoo-whaa-ha ha ha!

Oh, someone had
too much shasta
on the airplane.

Can't this traffic
move any faster?

We've got
a 3:00 meeting
at spago.

Ooh, I like meeting
new people, brain.

Like the time we met
that strange little man

Who thought he could
take over the world.

Ha ha!

You mean...me?

Oh, right. Sorry.

Jet lag.

Now leave me while
I quaff my locks.

Ooh.

Take a memo, pinky.

Drop off suit
at jiffy lube.

The brain:
I know my plot--

The story will make
the perfect
hollywood movie.

I call it
brain's song.

The tragic tale of me,
brain piccadilly,

A former arena
football player

Suffering from a bad case
of stomach cramps,

As told by my longtime
friend and teammate,

Meadowlark lemon.

After many schmoozings

With my hollywood
uber agent,

Irving "shifty" bizarre...

Chootz-puh, booby.

That'll be
pay for play

With 10% coming
out the top--

Gross. Narf.

We think this is
the perfect project
for you,

The nicest guy
in hollywood.

Me? You want me
to play you?

Yes.

You're the most
friendly,

Benevolent
movie actor

Ever captured
on celluloid.

Why, you're cary grant
and jimmy stewart

Rolled up in one
great big ball.

Not that that
ever happened.

No way, you crazy freak!

And--and address me
as lord master
his highness.

Waiter: hey!

Woman: oh!

Forrest grump.

Hee hee hee.
Oh, brain.

And who better
to play me,

Brain piccadilly,

Than you,

The thinking man's
mickey rourke, bruce.

I would love to.

I mean,
this sounds like

The perfect project
to get into.

[Whispers]

Oh, i--i'm sorry.

I, uh, I think
I'm busy that night.

My, uh, my son truant
needs a diaper change,

And my wife's
doing rewrites

On great expectations.

She'll make it work.

If I dressed up
like robert redford

And gave her
a million bucks,

Do you think
she'd go away?

And who better
to portray

A pro football
running back

Than you,
bea arthur.

Hey, there's a rat
in the pool!

I'm no rat,
I'm his agent!

And who would be
better to play
the part

Of a red-headed
underdog

Fighting for
his life

Than tv's
ralph malph.

I still got it!

No, you don't.

No!

No!

No!

For the last time,

No, no, no, no!

So, brain,
am I being
a good agent?

About as good
as the jamaican
bobsled team, pinky.

You mean,
they were agents

And olympic
hopefuls?

Grr.

Fine, brain.

I can tell when
I'm not wanted...

Occasionally.

If you want
to make a movie,

Make it yourself!

Pinky, that's it!

You're a genius.

If we want to make a movie,

We have to--

Bobsled?

No, pinky.

We're going to have
to make the movie
ourselves!

"You need new york,
unique new york.

You know you need
unique new york."

Now you try, pinky.

Nyork, nyork, nyork!

Ha ha ha, narf!

Perfect.

Now that we have
mastered our diction,

Let's turn to chapter 2
of melanie griffith's,

How I act good.

Thank you, pinky.

"Chapter 2:
how to vacuum
in high heels."

Oh, horse hockey.

What book would you
like next, brain?

"Jim nabors',

Surprise, surprise,
I'm a-actin'"

Or "jim varney's,

An actor prepares.
Know what I mean?"

Fiddle faddle.

I can act spheres around
those charlatans.

Tonight, the world
will embrace me

For my performance
as brain piccadilly,

The dyspeptic professional
pigskin player

In our production
of brain's song.

Right then, brain.

I'll just go
prepare myself
for my role

As sporting legend
meadowlark lemon.

Pinky, where
did you get

That ridiculous
outfit?

I got it off
my curly neal doll.

But pinky,
you're not playing
meadowlark lemon.

Meadowlark lemon
is playing
meadowlark lemon.

Ooh.

[Teeth chattering]

Koink.

Calm yourself, pinky.

Meadowlark is doing me
a favor.

He still owes me
for teaching him

How to sink one
from downtown.

You see,
once you accept

The principle of
projectile vs. Gravity--

You throw up?

[Telephone rings]

"He owes me
for stinking up downtown."

Narf.

Yes, I'll accept.

Hello, meadowlark lemon?

Snowed in...

In phoenix?

Well, ok.

Good-bye,
meadowlark lemon.

Guess what, my friend?

You're playing
meadowlark lemon.

[Gasping]

Really, brain?

Oh, that's great!

Wait. Oh, no, no.

What will I wear?

Pinky, did you know

That one can't
make noise in space?

Really?

Pretend you're in space.

What you think, brain?

Pinky, you've
outdone yourself.

These sets are uncanny.

Where did you find them?

Oh, I found them
out in the garage

Underneath
gnip-gnop, cootie,

And my poster
of henry winkler.

Excellent work,
my friend.

Come on,

Let's go get ready
for brain's song.

You have exactly


To become more
meadowlark-y.

Descend, my friend.

Both: whoa!

[Crash]

Places, everybody!

Places!

Hey, brain,
nice 'do, babe.

Thank you, pinky.

It's dryer lint.

All right, everyone,
fracture your femurs.

Stand by.

In 5, 4, 3, 2--

Now, pinky.

Roll camera
and flip that switch.

The other switch.

[Laughing]

The brain: we interrupt
this program of hilarity

To bring you a special
presentation of...

...starring
brain piccadilly,

With pinky van patten
as meadowlark lemon

And coach bare bottoms.

Pinky: they say
every true story

Ends with the end.

This one's no different.

This is the true story
of 2 friends:

One--the greatest
football-playing

Basketball player
of his time.

The other,
a laboratory mouse

Bent on taking over
the world,

Who also played
football. Narf.

Oh, how I love football.

Football is my life.

Hup, hup, hup, hup.

Umpf.

There is a man
who loves his football.

Say, aren't you
foot- and basketball
great

Meadowlark lemon?

Uh-huh.

Will you be my pal?

Uh-huh. Narf.

Oh, fellow
football player,

You are
my best buddy.

I like you
almost as much

As I love
football.

[Breathing heavily]

Uh-huh.

Let's go get us
some chicago-style

Deep dish pizza.

I love it
almost as much

As I love football.

Mm-mmm.

Brain piccadilly,

I'm sending you in.

Oh, thank you,
coach bare bottoms.

I only hope nothing
of tragic proportions
befalls me

Whilst I play
my beloved pastime:

Football.







Pi.

Set.

Hut, hut, hike!

Ooh.

Oh.

It seems I am suffering
a sudden ailment

Of my digestive tract.

Nevertheless, I shall
continue playing

The sport I love:

Football.

[Whispers]
perfect, pinky.
Keep sending me in.

But, brain,

Don't you think
you'll hurt yourself?

These action
sequences

Portray me as
a tragic hero.

It's too dangerous.

No pain,
no planet.

Do it!

Ohh.

Hello,
jellyroll morton.

May I wear
your slap shoes?

Brain, are you
all right?

Send me back in,
bare bottom.

All right.

Get back out there,
brain piccadilly

And win one for
the giffords!

Um, put a halo
on mary!

Oof.

Come on,
brain piccadilly,

Go win
the heimlich trophy!

Uhh.

Coach bare bottoms,

I, brain piccadilly,

Lover of football,

Am suffering
from career-ending
stomach cramps

And can no longer play
the game I love:

Football.

Oh, oh, ooh!

Tell my good pal,
mea--ohh, uhh.

Brain piccadilly!

Why, look who's come
to visit me.

My good friend,
meadowlark lemon.

Thank you for coming,
meadowlark lemon.

Remember the time
you put mashed potatoes
on my chair

And I sat in them?

Mm-hmm.

That was funny.

Remember the time
we wrapped ourselves
in aluminum foil

And pretended
we were robots?

Mm-hmm.

That was funny, too.

Remember the time
we put all our clothes
on backwards

And made
people think

We had really
hairy faces?

Um...

That was really funny.

And now i,
brain piccadilly,

Shall never play
football againnnn.

Mm-hmm.

Pinky:
and brain piccadilly

Never played football,

The sport
he loved so much,

Again.

It's a sad story.

Sad, sad, sad, sad,

Sad, sad, sad, sad,

Sad, sad, sad, sad,

Sad, sad.

But it's a story
that must be told

Because it's sad,

So sad. Poit.

Sad. The end.

And we're clear.

Excellent, pinky.

And now we wait.

For tonight
the world will fall
into such depression

That soon the earth
will be mine.

See you at
the wrap party,
as they say.

Hmm, maybe
a little later, man.

I've got to try
to shake off

This bummer first.

[All sobbing]

It's 22
stinking minutes

Past the hour,

But who cares?
Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Now that the world
is all weepy,

I will call
the world's leaders

Using my alias,

The overlord!

People will be
so despondent

From my tearjerker,

They will hand us the world
on a silver platter.

Ooh, free platter.

Narf.

Grr.

Pinky, i--

Uhh!

Brain, are you sure
you're ok?

Yes, of course.

It's--it's just
postproduction jitters.

[Telephone rings]

[Sigh]

Yeah?

Overlord?

Sure.

Yeah, I'm too sad
for president-ing.

Listen, why don't
you just take over
the whole country.

I don't even
give a tooty.

Ok. Bye-bye,
overlord.

[Crying]

I'll consider
that a yes.

[Ring]

Yes, this is mu.

Overlord?

Yes, my friend,

Take the whole thing.

Good-bye, my friend.

Yes!

The world is my oyster.

Pinky, get behind
the camera.

It's time for the world

To meet its new leader!

Right, brain.

All hail the overboard!

Just hit the switch.

Uhh!

Citizens of the world,

I am your new leader,

The oh--ohh--verlord.

Under my regime,

You will all
pay homage to me,

The oh--ohh--verlord.

And for your
very existence,

You shall
depend on me,

The oh--ohh--verlord.

Uhh!
[Laughing]

Ahh!

Ahh!

Uhh!

Ahh!

[People laughing]

The brain: where
did I go wrong?

I was this close, pinky.

I had them in
the palm of my--

Pinky?

Fear me, for I am
the overlord.

Yaa!

Look, brain,

You've created
a catch phrase.

Yes, pinky.

Apparently,
the overlord

Is a wild
and crazy guy.

Gee, brain, what are
we going to do now?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky.

Try to take over
the--

Uhh!

Aah!

[Thud]

World?

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪