03x01 - Leave It to Beavers/Cinebrainia

[bunniefuu]

[theme song playing]

Gee, Brain,
what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do
every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain ♪

♪ Before each night is done ♪

♪ Their plan will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over the world ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign ♪

♪ Is easy to explain ♪

♪ To prove their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll overthrow the Earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[Pinky] Narf!

[orchestra playing]

[Brain] Evolution. Bah!

I have one enormous problem
with evolution.

Do you know
what that problem is, Pinky?

The word ruins many a spelling bee
for grade-schoolers?

Worse than that,
my cheese-headed cage mate.

It is a slow process,
ponderously slow.

Slow as me
trying to make a bubble bath

using my tongue on a deodorant bar?

[yelps]

It makes any slothful idiocy
of yours

seem like a knee-jerk reflex
by comparison.

Why, knee-jerk
is my secret middle name.

Poit! [yelps]

- Eek!
- Yes, easy on the knee.

Which is precisely why tonight

you will be forced
up the evolutionary ladder.

Oh, I'm going to like

watching Marcia Brady
up close like this, Brain.



the cathode-ray g*n
of the picture tube

will fire photons
at the television screen,

exciting the radiant particles
in the watch dial,

causing a mutating effect
on your gene pool.

Ooh! [laughs]

It's tingling, Brain.

That tingle means it's working.

You are evolving into a new species

destined to help me
take over the world.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Narf.

[chattering]

Pinky? Pinky?!

I'm playing dead fishie
in the bottom of the boat.

[laughs]

No discernable change then.

I'll cross-circuit the volume control
with the frequency modulator.

Good idea, Brain. Narf!
I would have dipped it in jelly.

[chattering]

Um, Brain, how do you say,

"Let go of the little thing
I pick and point with," to a beaver?

If I could talk to animals,

I wouldn't waste time
with experiments like this.

[Pinky chattering]

Pinky?

[chattering]

Narf!

[chattering] Narf?

Oh, my. I've finally hurt him.

I've scrambled his thought patterns

like so many
unfertilized chicken embryos.

[chattering]

So I said, "If you don't like
licorice, why squeeze the cat?

Pinky, give the amphibious rodent
another witty verbal pearl.

Say what?

Talk beaver.

Oh. Um, have you heard the one
about the beautiful lab assistant?

[chattering] Va-va-va-voom.

- [chatters]
- [laughing]

This remote activates

some facility in you
for interspecies communication.

[laughs]

[chattering]

- What?
- I can also talk to beavers!

Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain,

but isn't a cucumber that small
called a gherkin?

Undoubtedly, Pinky, but that is
a question for another evening.

With your new skill,

the entire beaver population
can be at my command.

We'll dam the rivers,
control the waterways,

and flood the cities!

And always have something damp
and musky to scratch.

A veritable dream come true.

Will he go along with our plan?

Uh... [chattering]

[chattering]

On one condition.

Darn. Should have known
there'd be a price.

[chatters]

He wants bubblegum.

Deal.

Our target is the small town
of La Vista del Arroyo Odioso.

We will build the dam here.

If the town acquiesces to my demands,

we'll repeat the same process
all over the world.

[chattering]

[beavers chattering]

On one condition, Brain.
They want shiny things.

But I gave them gum.

Well, that was for the clan
that lives by the big oak.

There are only five of them.

You'll need the clan
that chatters when they scratch.

This is their leader,
Wigglenose Thump Thump Thump.

How quaint.

And they want shiny things.

Oh, yes, Brain.

Anything they can wash
and then look at the sparkles.

[chattering]

Deal.

But no more gum.

[beavers chattering]

Pinky, what's going on?
The dam isn't half-built.

[chattering]

[chattering]

Oh, he says the clan
that lives by the big oak

wants to build the shiny things
into the dam,

but, um... Let me see. Poit!

The clan that chatters
when they scratch

has given the shiny things to
the clan that burrows when they eat

in exchange for some wet leaves.

[chatters]

[chatters]

He suggests big shoes.

Run that by me again.

Well, the beavers
are all very envious

of the lovely hollow things
that men wear on their feet.

Big shoes
would make them all very happy.

What are you looking for, Brain?

The mute button.

[beavers chattering]

I trust all our labor problems
have been resolved, Pinky?

Yes, Brain. Narf!

[Pinky gasps]
And doesn't the dam look lovely

with all the gum
and shiny things in it?

[Brain] Quite picturesque.

[sighs] They truly are
a race of gifted crafts-rodents.

And by now, their handiwork

will have brought us
to the precipice of victory.

Wish me luck, Pinky.

I am going to make our demands

to the people
of La Vista del Arroyo Odioso.

Chile rellenos!

[amplified] Citizens of La Vista
del Arroyo Odioso...

- [man] What's going on?
- I am the Brain.

Bow down before me.

Look! A talking shoe!

I am not a shoe.

I am a genetically altered
laboratory mouse

who is about to flood your fair city.

Cool!

[Brain] Grant me total control,

or none but fish
shall walk your streets.

Well, the joke's on you, shorty.

After the flood of '48,
We put in those drainage sluices.

Your evil scheme
will come to no good!

[moans]

You haven't heard the last of me.

I shall return!

Victory is at hand, Pinky.

We need only get the beavers
to dam up the drainage sluices.

Oh, I don't know, Brain. Poit!

The beaver
who asks questions of the universe

says this is not a propitious time
for dam-building.

[muffled chattering]

[grunts]

Tell him the mouse
who clobbers when he is angry

says he is full
of foolish superstition.

We must act quickly if we are to...

Pinky, where is the remote?

I don't know, Brain.
Poit! You had it last.

Well, I left it right here.

Did you look under the sofa cushions?

We're outside. There is no sofa.

Well, there you are, then.
What does it look like, Brain?

You know. It's a remote.

It's sort of black and shiny and...

Oh, no. They put it in the dam!

I've got to get it out.

Ugh. Ucch!

Yecch! Agh!

[grunts] Oof!

[beavers chatter]

[both scream]

[remote crackles]

I have revised my opinion
of evolution, Pinky.

It works fast enough.

Some creatures are just
not meant to join civilized society.

Let us head inside
and prepare for tomorrow night.

[Pinky] Um... [chattering]

[Brain] Why, the same thing
we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[singers chatter like beavers]

[orchestra playing big band music]

[cinematic music playing]

- It's coming right for us!
- [screaming]

[laughs]

I love it when they do that.

This new invention of yours
is really neat, Mr. Edison!

If you think that's something,

just wait till you see my new
electric horseshoe machine.

[laughs]

Pinky, we are witnessing the birth
of a powerful new art form.

[gasps] Is it decoupage?

Narf! I love decoupage!

No, Pinky. Motion pictures.

Today it's simply a novelty.

Like most infant technologies,

it will take a genius of vision
to realize its full potential.

Do you know
who that visionary is, Pinky?

Hmm. Clarence Birdseye?

- [gags]
- I am that visionary, Pinky.

Oh, right. How silly of me.

[chuckles] Troz!

Behold the future, my friend.

Watch as the drawings come to life.

Poit! [gasps] It's you, Brain.

And you're so strong!

Yes! Precisely the image
I intend to project

as filmdom's
first dashing, charismatic star.

We shall make motion pictures
that tell of courage, of heroism,

of a certain rodent
destined to rule the world.

Narf!

Because human beings are incapable

of distinguishing between reality
and the filmed image,

they will embrace me
as a great leader.

Oh, I hope they embrace me, too.

Group hug! [laughs]

Come. We must set
the reels of our plan into motion.

Action, Pinky.

[device playing suspenseful music]

[evil laugh]

Bear witness as I demonstrate
my dramatic prowess, Pinky.

[device playing sad music]

Brain! Zort!

The train is coming!

[device playing suspenseful music]

[music slows]

[yelps] Oof!

[gasps] I'll save you, Brain!

[Brain] No, Pinky. Cut!

[wails] Uhh!

[both groan]

[both shriek]

[groans]

[both wail]

[both groan]

As soon as I can manage
to unscramble my brains,

I intend to whisk you, Pinky.

Pinky, how's the editing coming?

Snip, snip! All the bad stuff
is gone, just like you asked.

[yelps]

[Hal Slug] Not another
bathing beauty picture!

That's enough. Turn it off!

I gotta find a new gimmick,

something exciting, fresh!

Hmm. Maybe bathing beauties
on a roller coaster!

[knock at the door]

[Brain] Ahem.

I don't need any more short subjects!

If you'll pardon me, sir,

this reel contains nothing less
than a giant leap forward

in the creation of cinema
as a medium of artistic expression.

[Hal Slug] Who cares?

It also has a damsel in distress

who almost gets squished
by a really big train!

Ah, now that sounds more like it!

[film score playing]

[Hal Slug] What is this?
Is this for real?

You guys can't be serious!

[Hal Slug laughs]

You're not serious.
This is hilarious!

[laughing]

Pinky, I thought you said
you cut the bad footage out.

I did, Brain. Your acting
was terrible.

[Hal Slug laughing]

Ah, Pinky and the Brain,
a comedy team!

I love it!

[film score playing]

[lively music playing]

[no audible dialogue]

[audience laughing]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[laughter continues]

[cheering]

[film score playing]

[lively music playing]

I am pleased that I am
the first to be immortalized

here at Grauman's Chinese Theater.

- It is a great honor.
- [applause]

And it's squishy, too!

[crowd laughs]

- [yelps]
- [groans]

Oh. I'm sorry.

Norma Talmadge!

Who cares about a couple of clowns
like Pinky and the Brain

when we can have the footprints
of a great star like you?

- [applause]
- Comedy is humiliating, Pinky.

Yes. Narf!

Isn't it wonderful?!

[laughs]

Only as the means to an end.

It is time to proceed with
the second phase of my film career.

This time, can I be best boy?

[yelps]

[Hal Slug] Quit?
What do you mean, quit?!

You're a big star, boy!

People all over the world
are laughin' at you!

Not for long.
I'm going to redefine my image

by starring
in a sweeping dramatic epic,

a story of courage, of heroism...

Of a funny little rodent
with a great big, fat, lumpy head!

[groans]

[laughs]

I love it when you do that!

[Brain] Come, Pinky.

But you can't leave me!

I'll be ruined! Ruined!

Oh, now what am I gonna do?!

Excuse me, Mr. Slug.

Could my son audition for you?

Madam, please remove your brat
from the doorway.

Narf! He's a cute little rascal.

Ah, "little rascal"? Hmm.

[triumphant music playing]

[applause]

[Brain] The sweet flavor of victory
is almost ours, Pinky.

Can you taste it?

Um, not really, Brain.

I've got licorice stuck in me teeth.

[audience laughing]

They're still laughing, Brain.

Soon they'll forget that I
was ever an object of ridicule.

[dramatic music playing]

Is this supposed to be funny?

When's he gonna get squished?

Behold, Pinky. They laugh no longer.

[snoring]

- [audience murmuring]
- [child] Mommy!

[man] I'm going home
to do something exciting.

[woman] Yeah, like clip my toenails.

[audience grumbling]

[yawns] How long
until the movie's over, Brain?

It's been five hours, Pinky.

The film's only half done.

[projectionist] Okay, show's over.

Wait! You can't stop the movie now.

I just did.

But this is my big scene.

I'm driving the snakes out of Egypt!

Oh, yeah? You're driving
the audience out of the theater!

It's true.

My career is over.

Oh, cheer up, Brain.
You can always make a comeback.

Look at what happened
to Kaiser Wilhelm.

Don't try to cheer me with your tales
of Teutonic triumph, Pinky.

It's clear that no mouse

is ever going to make a lasting
impression on the silver screen.

Hmm.

I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. DeMille.

[yelps]

[grunting]

Ow!

[Pinky] What did you say, Brain?

Um, I said we'd better
go back to the lab

to prepare for tomorrow night.

Why? What are we going
to do tomorrow night?

The same thing
we do every night, Pinky:

Try to take over the world!

[piano music playing]

[applause]

[theme music playing]