01x02 - New Roomies

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another kind
of girl ♪

♪ And you want to see
my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

ZOEY: Dear Mom and Dad,

I can't believe I've been
at PCA almost a whole week.

One of my roommates, Nicole,

she's already,
like, my best friend.

And the other girl, Dana,

she can be a little cranky.

But so far,
I'm loving it here at PCA.

Oh, and if you feel like
sending me a care package,

you can't go wrong
with candy or cash...

or candy and cash.

Love, Zoey.

[computer beeps]

- Hey, Zoey.

- Shh.
- [snoring]

- Don't worry.
She sleeps like she's dead.

- Yeah.
I'm gonna go brush my teeth.

- Don't forget to floss.

- Yeah, right.

[door closes]

[hair drying whirring loudly]

- [gasps]
Hey!

- You woke me up. Again.

- So? You gotta be in class
by 8:00.

- Which is why I set
my alarm clock for 7:55.

Nighty night.

[hair dryer blowing]

Turn it off!

Now put it away.

- Make me.
- [scoffs]

- Ah!
Not another step.

- Okay, what are you gonna do?
Blow-dry me?

- If I have to.
- [grunts]

[Nicole shrieking]

[indistinct shouting]

- Zoey, your roommates
are fighting again.

- Oh, man.

DANA: Hey, get away--
[Nicole shrieks]

- Come here.
- Stop!

I'm gonna call the cops
on you.

- Good. Call them.
- Slob!

- Hair freak!
- Leave me alone!

- Nicole!
- Don't touch me!

[Nicole shrieks]

- Open up!

- Who is it?

- [grunts]
Come on!

[knock on door]

ZOEY: Open up.
Nicole! Dana!

- Where's your key?
- I forgot it.

- Again.

- Where's Nicole?

What, I can't brush my teeth
for five minutes

without you two trying
to bludgeon each other?

- She started it.
- No!

I was trying to sleep,
and once again, she fired up

her freakish hair dryer
at 7 a.m.

- If I don't dry my hair,
it'll frizz!

- Name three people who care.
- Girls!

- Will you tell your friend

that waking me up every morning
is inconsiderate?

- No.
- I'm inconsiderate?

You're the bad roommate!
Look at your messy bed!

- Ladies!
- It's my bed.

- It's my head.
ZOEY: Hey!

We are roommates!

We're gonna have to learn
to get along, okay?

- Yeah.
- I guess.

Okay, that does it.

[Nicole shrieks]

- I had to go to
boarding school.

[Nicole shrieks]

- So who usually starts it?
Nicole or Dana?

- They take turns.
They fight over everything.

- Bummer.
Ooh, mac and cheese?

- Nah. Too carby.

- Ah, a girl who eats healthy.

That's cool. Very cool.

You know, cool for you.

- I just wish Nicole and Dana
would get along.

I can't deal with the tension.

- Well, hey, I got an idea.
- Tell me.

- Why don't we hang out
together tonight?

- You and me?
- Me and you.

You know, just to take a break
from your roommates.

We could play foosball,
you know, if you like foosball.

Do girls like foosball?
'Cause if you don't,

we could, like, knit or--
- I like foosball.

- Yeah. Foosball's cool.
So tonight?

- I can't.
I gotta make sure

Nicole and Dana don't k*ll
each other.

- Yup. PCA's got a strict rule
against k*lling.

So, uh, anyway,
maybe Friday, we could--

- Zoey, I've been looking
all over for you.

- Hi! Chase, you've met
my little brother Dustin.

- Yeah. The kid's got
great timing.

- What's up?

- I need money.

- Why?
What happened to your allowance?

- I, uh...
used it for an emergency.

Five pounds of gummy worms,
please.

- You spent your whole allowance
on gummy worms?

- It's a sickness, okay?

Just lend me a few bucks
till next week.

- I can't. I only get 15.

And I gotta live.

- How about you?
- Sorry, dude.

If I had money,
I'd lend it to myself,

but I don't.

So I'm out of luck,

which means you are too.

- What did he say?
- No.

- Well, what am I supposed
to do for cash?

ZOEY: I don't know.

Figure out a way to earn some.

- That's good! Later!

- Cute kid.
- Yeah.

- Hey, speaking
of freakish roommates.

- Save me.

- From what?

- That.

- That's Quinn.
She lives in my dorm.

- Yeah. Well, you know, I saw
her having lunch by herself,

so I sat down next to her.

You know, being friendly
and all.

- And?

- She started feeling my food.

- What do you mean feeling it?

- I mean...
feeling it.

- Well, that's just weird.
- You think?

- Oh, I feel sorry for her.

She's always by herself.

Come on.

- Come on where?

- Let's go talk to her.
- Ha!

You guys go.

My food's been felt up enough.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Um, may I feel your food?

- Um, why?

- I'm working on a theory.

- Which is?

- Every food has its own
distinct energy,

almost like emotions,

which can be better identified
through touch

as opposed to taste or smell.

- So you want to feel
if my food is happy?

- Or sad, worried, frightened.

- I'm frightened.

- So, Quinn, why do you
always hang out by yourself?

- Well, I have a theory.

- I guess 'cause I just haven't
really made any friends yet.

- What about your roommates?

- I live alone.

- Why?
What's wrong with you--

You so pretty, Quinn.

Pretty, pretty Quinn.

- Um, thanks.

- Well, if you ever
want company, I mean,

you can hang with me
and my roommates sometime.

- Aren't they the ones
always screaming at each other?

- Good point.
Maybe just me and you

should hang out, then.

- Really?
- Sure. Why not?

- Thanks.

- Don't touch my salad.

- Don't do it.

[Nicole and Dana arguing]

- Again?

Dana? Nicole?

Hey, can you two stop fighting
long enough to let me in?

Please?

- Zoey, please tell Dana

to clean up her area.
It's disgusting.

- And tell her
not to blow-dry her hair

when I'm trying to study.

- Okay, if I don't re-blow
my hair periodically,

it gets all frizzy.
- So?

- So I can't let boys see me
with frizzy hair.

They'll make up cruel
nicknames for me,

like "girl with frizzy hair"

or--I don't know--
Miss Frizzy.

Wait, that sounds cute.

- You're not gonna look cute
with a black eye.

- Stop it!

You know what, Dana?
You are a slob.

And, Nicole, it's rude of you
to blow your stupid hair dryer

when people need quiet.

- Well.
- [scoffs] Well.

- I guess the perfect roommate
has spoken.

- I didn't say I was perfect.

- Well, good, 'cause you're not.

- Yeah, you bug us too,
sometimes.

- Oh, really? Like how?

- Well, you know...

- You can never remember
your key!

- Yes!
Like always forgetting your key.

- So?

- So it's annoying

to have to let you in
all the time.

- Oh, come on!
- It is.

"Ooh, I'm Zoey,
and I forgot my key again."

- Yeah. "I'm also Zoey.
Open the door.

I'm locked out."
Blah blah blah.

- Okay, well, if I'm such
a horrible roommate,

then maybe I should move out!
- Maybe you should!

- Fine! I'll be back
for my stuff later.

- Fine!
- Fine!

- Ugh!
- Ugh!

[knock on door]

- Forgot my key.

- Zoey.

- Want a roommate?

Thanks for letting me
crash here.

- Hey, I'm glad to have
the company.

- Night.
- Nighty night.

[beeping]

- [screams]

Quinn!

- Yeah?
- What are you doing?

- Monitoring your dreams.

I think you might be
having a nightmare.

- I am now!

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- Good morning, Zoey!

- Morning.

Um, why are you jumping rope?

- 'Cause jumping rope

makes your brain vibrate,
which I enjoy.

You want to try?

- Nah, I'm not much of
a morning jumper.

What's this?

- That's a project
I'm working on.

It's a silent leaf blower.

- Silent leaf blower?

- It's one of my Quinventions.

See, my name is Quinn
and I invent things,

so I call them "Quinventions."

- That's very...

Quinteresting.

Well, I'm gonna go take a shower

and then probably get some food
at the Caf.

- Oh, you don't need to do that.

I can make us breakfast
right here.

You like eggs?

- Yeah.

[chicken clucks]

- Scrambled or sunny side up?

- Uh...you know what?

I'm probably just gonna
skip breakfast.

- Okay. But meet me back here
at 6:00 for dinner.

I'm making chicken.

- Well, look who it is,
our former roommate.

- Hello, Dana.
Hello, Nicole.

- I hear you moved in with
Quinn.

- That's right.
- That must be fun.

- Quinn happens to be
the perfect roommate.

- Zoey, I'm about to iron
my underwear.

Want me to do yours?

- Um, I don't iron my underwear.

- Whatever.

- Yeah.
She's a good one.

- Well, at least we don't fight
all the time.

- [scoffs] Neither do we.
- Yeah!

Since you moved out,
we've been getting along great.

- Best friends.

- Well, good for you.
Bye.

- See ya.
- Later.

Never touch me again.
- Slob.

- Jerk.
- Uhh!

- She attached wires
to your head?

- Yes. And other places.
- Wow.

Uh, maybe you should move
back in with Dana and Nicole.

Bet you they miss you.
- No, they don't want me back.

Guess I'm stuck with Quinn
and her Quinventions.

- Quinventions?
- Yeah.

She combined her name
with the word "invention."

- Ah, so she's Quinsane.
- Exactly.

Hey, you want to see
a movie this Friday night?

- Me? Uh, sure.
Totally.

- Cool 'cause
I just need to hang

with a normal friend
for a while.

- Hey, normal's my middle name.

Well, actually,
it's Bartholomew.

Don't tell people.

- Whoa!
Look at that huge hamster!

- What?

- Ha! You lose.

- You know, one day
there really is gonna be

a huge hamster behind me
and I'm not gonna look.

And you're gonna
be really sorry.

Come on, rematch.
- Can't.

Gotta go to class.
See ya.

- Later.

- Dustin?
- Oh, hey, Zoe.

- What are you doing?
- Trying to make some money.

- "Learn Spanish
with Senorita Dustin"?

You're gonna make money
by tutoring people in Spanish?

- Cool idea, huh?

- Yeah, except you don't
speak Spanish.

- But I'm learning.

[woman on TV speaking Spanish]

[slap, man grunts]

¿Por que, Rosalita?
¿Por que?

- Okay. Heh. Well, good luck.

By the way, "Senorita" Dustin
means you're a girl.

- [muttering in Spanish]

- Okay, besides Hawaii
and California,

name three states
that border an ocean.

- Uh, let's see...

Don't know, not sure,
and just don't care.

- Look, man, do you want
to study or watch TV?

- Watch TV.

- Yup, me too.

What's up, Chase?
- Oh, hey. What's up, guys?

- One over here.

- Hey, you going with us
to the game on Friday night?

- No, I can't. I'm catching
a movie on campus.

- Who with?
- Zoey.

- Oh, your little girlfriend.

- Dude, she's not my girlfriend.
I'm just hanging out with her

'cause she's fighting
with her roommates.

- Oh, that's bad.

- No, that's good.

- Why good?
- 'Cause, dude,

if she's fighting with them,

she'll have more time
to hang with you.

- Dude, that's sick.
Who thinks like that?

- You know you like her.

- Look, Zoey's my friend.

- Well, if you want to keep
hanging with your friend,

you better make sure she keeps
fighting with her roommates.

- Will you stop?

- 'Cause the second
she makes up with them,

it's bye-bye, Chase.

You know I'm right.

- Last night
while I was sleeping,

Quinn snipped off
some of my hair.

- Why?
- She wanted my DNA.

- For what?

- I was afraid to ask.

I gotta make up
with Nicole and Dana.

- Yeah, you know, maybe
that's not such a good idea.

- Why not?

- Well, you--you know,

maybe you should just let
the situation

simmer for a bit...

You know, until Friday...

night,
after we see the movie.

- I can't wait till Friday.

Quinn scares me.

- Oh, come on.
She can't be that freaky.

[percussive music]

♪ ♪

- Excellent.

- So she melted some meat.

It's not that weird.

- It's completely weird.

I gotta tell Quinn
I'm moving out.

- No, no, no, no.
Don't, don't, don't.

- Why not?
- Because...

Quinn doesn't have
a lot of friends

and you could hurt her feelings.

- You think?
CHASE: Oh, yeah.

You can't just look a girl
in the face

and say, "I don't want
to live with you anymore."

- Zoey, I don't want to live
with you anymore.

- Huh?

- I'm gonna have to ask you
to move out.

- Okay, you're kidding me,
right?

- I wish I were.

- Why do you want me
to move out?

- Because you get very uptight

whenever I try to work
on my experiments.

- I don't believe this.

- I just think that it'd be best
for our friendship

if you moved back in
with Nicole and Dana.

- Okay, I'll pack my stuff.

- Hey, before you go,
would you drink this

and tell me
if it makes your tongue throb?

[liquid fizzing]

- Uh, no.

- Mmm.

- Just say,
"El elefante es grande."

- I've already said that
ten times!

Can you teach me
something else already?

- Uh...

El elefante es grande.

- You know what?

I think that's
the only Spanish you know.

I'm getting me a new tutor.

Adios.

- ¿Por que, Mark?
¿Por que?

- I want my cuatro dollars back!

[soft music]

WOMAN: ♪ And it's
a little bit lonely... ♪

- You can sit here...

If you want.
I don't care.

- Okay.

Want a grape?

- I miss you!
- I miss you too!

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Please move back in with us.
- Okay!

- Yay! Dana, Zoey's moving
back in with us!

- Oh. Can she remember her key?
- Can you not be such a slob?

- Can you lay off
your hair dryer?

- You're such a messy roommate!
- You're the one who starts it.

- No, you do!
- Guys!

I have ideas.

Dear Mom and Dad,

it's been another great week
here at PCA.

Things got a little crazy
with me and my roommates,

but I think we got it
under control.

Hey, have you ever heard
of a silent leaf blower?

[chuckles] I have.

Gotta go. Write me back.

Love, Zoey.

- No frizz.

- No noise.

Come on, let's go get
some coffee.

- Should we wake her up
and see if she wants to go?

- Nah. Let her sleep.

- Man, what a slob.

- Yeah. Shall we?
- Let's.

- Nice!
- Come on.

- Wait. Got your key?

- Always.

- Cute!
I want one!

- Hey, you got a leaf blower.

- [laughs]

[piano music]

♪ ♪

- What's up, Chase?
- Uh, hey.

Um...

- Who's the rose for?

- Oh, what, this?

Um...

All right, you caught me.

It's for you.

- Thanks.

But why don't you give it
to Zoey instead?

- Hey, there's an idea.

Look, don't tell Logan,
all right?

- No worries, man.
Hey, good luck.

- Later.

- Chase.

- Hey. Wow...

You, uh--you look great.

- Thanks.

- I, uh--I got you something.

DANA: Hey.
NICOLE: Hey.

Sorry we're late.

- What time does the movie
start?

- Um, 7:30.

Weren't you guys fighting?

- We made up.
- Yeah.

So I invited them
to the movie.

That's cool, right?

- Oh, yeah. Sure.
Very cool.

- Well, then, let's go.

I hate to miss
the beginning of a movie.

- I get the aisle seat.
- No, I get the aisle seat.

- You always get the aisle seat!
- No, I don't. You do!

- You do!
- No, you do!

- You know, I think
they're happiest

when they're arguing.
- Yeah.

- ♪ I got the gummy worm blues ♪

- Isn't that
your little brother?

- Yeah.
- ♪ Can't afford to buy shoes ♪

- What's he doing?

- ♪ Life can be so mean ♪

♪ I gotta get me some green ♪

- Dustin, what are you doing?

- Making some money.

♪ ♪

Bless you.

♪ ♪

♪ I got the gummy worm blues ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I can't afford to buy shoes ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Life can be so mean ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I gotta get me some green ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm feelin' down on my luck ♪

♪ Could use a couple of bucks ♪

♪ I got the gummy, gummy,
gummy worm blues... ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ And do what you choose
to do ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play,
come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

DUSTIN: It's a sickness, okay?