02x02 - Pal Joey

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry.

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin? He found us.

[Jabbering]

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves.

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

[Panting]

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

[Captioning sponsored by the u.s. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

Whoa, cool.

Why do I suddenly feel itchy all over?

Because bugs of any sort creep you out?

Oh, that's right, I forgot.

[Jabbering]

[Snorts]

[Yelps]

[Gulps]

[Babbling]

Eliza: tasmania is the coolest place.

I could live here full-time.

Yes, I know:

The heat, the dirt, I just can't get enough.

Darwin, look!

It looks like a kangaroo doe.

And she's being chased

By those two furry... Whatchamacallems.

We've got to help her.

Come on, darwin!

Like I have a choice.

[Snarling]

[Gasping]

[Yelping]

[Panting]

[Gasps]

Don't worry, follow me.

[Growling]

Hey, where'd she go?

She had to come over this hilltop.

Don't look at me-- I was following you.

Oh, so it's my fault, huh?

More likely you just lost her scent.

Well, excuse me for not breathing!

Are you talking back to me?

Why, you no good...

Hey, I'm just saying...

[Snarling and yelping]

Whoo, it's a good thing we were downwind.

Not downwind enough-- they really stink.

[Laughing maniacally]

Thank you, eliza.

I thought they'd had us for sure.

It's got to be tough

Running from tasmanian devils

When you're hauling around a joey.

Tell me about it.

Doesn't make grazing, grooming or foraging any simpler either.

This kid's wearing me out.

Hi!

Hey, little guy...

[Sniffing]

Oh...

I bet you like to play, right?

You want to play with me?

Oh, yeah, sure, I like to play.

Is it okay?

Be my guest.

[Taking turns laughing]

Whoa!

Oh, that was fun-- fun, fun, fun.

Know what you are? You're fun.

Well, you're fun, too.

Oh, to a point.

I love my little joey

But he's a pouchful.

He has to be watched constantly.

Why don't I watch him for you?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,dear

You don't understand-- he's far too much for you to handle.

Ooh, now you'll never get rid of her.

I can handle him.

I watch my brother, donnie, all the time.

And he's never any trouble.

Well, I could use a break.

Know what?

I'll do it.

Oh, honey!

Yeah, mom...

How would you like to stay with eliza for a few hours?

Can i? Can i? Can i? Can i? Can i, please?

Absolutely.

Now, don't let him go back

Over that hill.

That's where those tasmanian devils hang out.

I'll meet you back here at sunset.

Oh, and thank you, eliza.

[Humming tune]

This is going to be fun--

Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!

You know what you are?

Let me guess...

Fun?

Don't be a smarty-pants, darwin.

He's just a kid.

I guess you're right.

He's kind of like donnie...

Only more human.

Hey, see that clearing over there?

Last one there's a mangy marsupial.

We're supposed to follow her.

At least that's what I do.

Okay, then can I play with you, too?

Mmm, depends.

Play what?

This!

Ow!

Hey!

Are you guys coming or what?

Debbie, the mail's just flown in.

And this concerns me how?

Amnesty international are the only ones who know I'm out here.

And yet if I'm not mistaken

This absolutely huge parcel is for you.

[Gasps]

A package for me?

Oh, get out!

What the...

Ugh, "prom in a box"?

"Not a real prom, but an incredible simulation!"

I saw it in a catalog and had to send for it.

Look, it's got everything you need:

Prom dress...

Dance music...

Simulated snub from the prom queen.

Mother, you're frightening me.

This isn't some tragic attempt to relive your own prom, is it?

What? Well, don't be silly.

I simply want you to have as normal a life as possible.

Besides, I didn't even go to my own prom.

You missed your own junior prom?

Oh, I was just busy with things.

Well, I hate to dump on the whole "loser in a box" scenario

But don't you need a date to attend a prom?

Nigel: way ahead of you, pumpkin.

That's why I've taken the liberty

Of scouring tasmania to find your ideal dream date.

Oh, you didn't.

Oh, please, please don't say that you fixed me up.

All right, I won't.

Oh, tom, come on around, my boy.

[Sheep bleating]

Tom, debbie.

Debbie, tom.

Tom's one of our local

Up-and-coming young sheep farmers.

We'll just let you two hep cats get acquainted.

So, you...

Farm... Sheep?

You're kidding, right?

Not as simple as it may look at first.

There's all kind of sheep, you know:

Coarse sheep... Fine sheep...

Fuzzy sheep, domestic sheep, imported sheep, tame sheep

Pen sheep, behaviorally modified sheep

Free-range sheep, taffeta sheep, cloned sheep...

[Door slams]

[Footsteps approach]

Oh! Darn!

Turned out tom was missing a chromosome.

He had to run home and get it.

Joey: throw the stick again, eliza.

Throw the stick!

[Joey pants as donnie jabbers]

Let's do it again!

Then we can do it again and again and again.

[Babbling]

Don't you ever get tired?

Tired? What's that?

[Panting]

How many times have I thrown his stupid stick?

I lost count after .

[Giggling]

Darwin: maybe you should check behind his back for an off switch.

Hey, I have a better idea.

Let's do it again!

Say, joey, why don't we kick back for a minute

With a nice, tasty snack?

Oh, boy!

Eats.

Finally I can take a break.

You don't care that he's destroying all your stuff?

No, I'm too tired.

He's what?!

Joey, no, my canteen!

My compass!

My journal, no!

Oh, joey, let go!

[Screams]

Ha! You got googly eyes.

Hey!

Look at me-- I'm a googly human.

[Blowing raspberry]

Darwin, help!

All right, all right

I can handle it.

Excuse me, but...

Ow!

No, I only wanted to... Ow!

[Darwin yells]

Darwin?

Oh! Thank you.

Darwin: ouch, stop, look out!

[Jabbering]

Eliza!

Joey: that was fun!

Let's play a new game.

Bet you can't catch me!

Joey, you come back here!

This isn't funny anymore!

What alien life-form wearsthesethings?

Not me.

[Sighs]

Oh, who wants to go to some stupid prom, anyway?

Debbie, good news, pumpkin.

I've found another young lad

Who should make a simply smashing prom date.

Did he bring farm animals with him?

Not that I know of.

His name is sven--

Seventh son of an anthropologist friend of mine

Also named sven, which makes him sven

Sven svenson's seventh sven... Son... Son's son.

It's rather confusing, really.

But he's a splendid young chap.

What do you say?

You haven't seen my dignity lying around anywhere, have you?

Not lately, no.

Then what the heck? Bring on the geek.

Greenland, this is thornberry one.

We are ready to proceed with project "blind date."

Oh, hi, dear.

I had to bounce your young man

Off a circumpolar comsat

But he's coming in loud and clear.

What?! No way.

Look, it's bad enough I'm having a virtual prom;

A virtual prom date

Is like the outer envelope of sickly weirdness.

Sven: sven to thornberry one.

I'm with you, debbie, this is too surreal!

Over.

You actually agree with me?

Then how'd you get roped into this bizarro situation?

Over.

Well, my parents are a little eccentric.

All they do is eat, sleep and breathe ancient celtic ruins.

The moldier, the better. Over.

Whoa! I can totally relate.

See, with my parents, it's animals.

The more boring, the better.

Yuck!yuck!

[Eliza panting]

Joey!

What... Stop!

[Panting and groaning]

Wh-whoa, whoa!

[Screams]

[Splash]

[Gasping]

[Blows raspberry]

[Panting]

Eliza, are you all right?

Oh, I'm fine.

But from now on, there will be no more fun and games.

Come on, boys, playtime is over.

Oh... I guess you're good at this game.

It's not a game!

Pow!

[Darwin grunts]

What are you doing?

Playing.

And trust me, he's been playing all day.

Okay, kid

I think it's time we found your mom.

Oh, pl-ease!

Goth rock totally icks me out, too!

[Sven and debbie laughing]

Oh...

Sven: wow, debbie, it's been great talking to you.

So, uh, like, your dad told my dad

About this "prom in a box" thing

And, um, I was kind of wondering...

Can I be your prom date?

Over.

Yeah, sure, that'd be great.

Over.

Terrific.

Um, I'll pick you up tonight.

Seven o'clock?

P.m. For you, a.m. For me.

If that's okay. Over.

Sven, you have no idea how okay that would be.

I'll talk to you tonight.

Over and out.

[Radio cuts out]

[Shouts with glee]

I've left my body and gone to guy heaven!

Mission accomplished, my love.

Our daughter has a date.

Oh, nigel, not having a date isn't the end of the world.

I didn't have a date for my prom.

Churchill's knickers, marianne!

That's astonishing!

Oh, I was perfectly okay with it.

I spent a lovely night at home

Editing footage for my first documentary--

The mating habits of dust mites.

And you weren't just a tad disappointed?

Not at all-- it was a very productive evening.

Mm-hmm.

Really.

Hmm...

[Darwin panting]

[Groans]

Still no sign of your mom.

It's okay, we'll wait.

We'll play another game.

Oh, good!

This one's called...

Sit on the joey.

How do you play?

Youjust do nothing.

Isn't this fun?

Yeah, I've never done this before.

[Bee buzzing]

Oh! Look at this!

Aah! Get out of here!

Go away!

Joey, I didn't mean you!

Joey!

[Voice echoing]

[Gasps]

Oh, no! Joey!

Joey!

We're going to go play, eliza.

Be back later!

Ha! We're going to play, all right, kid.

Oh, yeah-- we're going to have some fun.

Darwin, those tasmanian devils are going to eat him!

Oh, come on, hurry!

[Tasmanian devils growling]

Eliza, what are you doing?

Listen, you garbage cans of the bush!

I want my joey back.

[Growling]

[Snarls and gulps]

Hey, lay off, you creep!

[Screams]

[Snarling]

[Grunts]

You've got to come down sometime.

Just give me back my joey.

You're too late.

We ate him already.

No!

We're too late!

Joey: hi, eliza!

Ate him already, huh?

Whoa!

What was that?

[Laughing]

It must be coming from inside my belly.

[Chuckles]

Hey, quiet down in there!

Yeah, no jumping around.

[Snarls]

Ow!

You can forget it!

There's no way you're getting him back.

Well, what if I give you something in exchange?

A nice, gooey weevil burrito, huh?

Double fungus pizza with roach toppings, maybe?

Yum! Sounds festering!

Maggoty dough... But I don't know.

Other devil: hey...

This one's kind of small.

We might trade him for his mother.

Forget it! No way.

Oh, themonkey!

We haven't had monkey in a long time.

No, no, please!

I'd rather not fester, if it's all the same to you!

Relax, darwin, no one's going to eat you.

Then we got nothing to talk about.

Come on, let's go chow down some joey.

Eliza: no, wait!

How about... How about me?

Take me instead.

Eliza, no!

Say what?

I'll... I'll trade that joey for me.

Ha-ha-ha, I'm delicious!

There's tons of sugar in my diet.

She seems a little bony

But I'll try anything once.

You got yourself a trade.

Just come down off the rock

And step inside.

Okay, now I am assuming

You've got a really clever plan, right?

I'm working on it.

[Devils chuckling evilly]

[Whimpers]

Eliza!

Now we'll really have some fun.

Okay, you've got me.

Now let him go.

I don't think that's going to happen.

What?

But you made a deal.

This is great!

Now we got twice as much meat!

Hey, I want the heads.

Back off!

They're mine.

No fair.

You always get the heads.

[Both snarling viciously]

Hey, our feet are pretty tasty.

Who's getting them?

I am!

Think again, bush rat!

But you're getting the heads!

So what?

It's not fair!

I'll show you what's fair!

[Both snarling]

That's a fun game.

Yeah... Yeah, it is.

Why don't you join in and play a little?

You know, your special way?

Good idea!

Hi, guys!

Pow!

[Both groaning]

[Panting]

Darwin: oh! Eliza!

You're in one piece!

Eliza: now let's get out of here.

Ow!

[Sighs]

This is, like, such a girl thing.

It's a dress.

That's what I said.

Look at me!

[Groans]

Oh, mom, this is so lame.

I mean, what if he thinks I'm a dweeb?

He liked you just a few hours ago.

Just be yourself, dear

And you'll do fine.

Pardon me, you two

But I believe that madam's carriage awaits.

[Cries out]

Debbie:oh!

Mom, dad...

It's not too shabby.

Sven [on radio]: sven zero niner

To thornberry one.

Come in, thornberrys. Over.

A date doesn't really begin

Until a girl flicks her relay contacts, dear.

Uh... This is debbie thornberry to sven.

What's up?

Over.

Not much.

[Waltz begins playing]

Hey, tunes-- cool.

Um, say, debbie, may I have this dance?

Over.

Oh, I thought you'd never ask, prom date.

Over.

[Grunts]

She's coming!

Try to look casual.

Eliza: "and that's why in togo

Biscuits are called jellies."

Oh, look, it's your mom.

Hi, mom.

Eliza and me had so much fun.

[Smooching]

Sorry I was a little late

But I just got so carried away.

So, you had a nice day off?

Oh, yes, it was wonderful!

But I did miss my little joey.

Oh, by the way, I met some new friends.

Pleased to meet you.

[Blows raspberry]

We've both lived in these parts for years

But I never noticed

What a strong leaper he is.

[Sniffing]

Oh!

Hey...

I like her, mom.

So, how did things go?

Oh, fine.

Really?

I'm shocked.

I guess I just have a way with joeys.

He was no trouble at all.

Darwin: except for the punching.

We could definitely have done

Without the punching.

Well, you did a great job.

Now, what can I give you in return?

There is one tiny, little thing that I've always wanted to do.

[Waltz music playing]

Oh, debbie looks so happy, nigel.

Well, I suppose prom nightismore fun

Than the mating habits of dust mites.

Not that I have any regrets, mind you.

I'm sure you don't, darling.

But as long as we're on the subject

I couldn't help wondering if perhaps...

You'd do me the honor of being my prom date.

[Gasps]

Oh, nigel!

Actually, I was going to edit

Some footage on the wallabies tonight, but...

This sounds so much nicer.

[Gulps]

[Music continues]

[Eliza laughing]

[Screams with delight]

Whoa, cool!

Darwin: no, no, please!

I'd rather not fester, if it's all the same to you!