04x10 - Diamonds Are For Heather

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

[ alarm blares ]

COMPUTER: Emergency. Danger.

Crisis. Peril.

Doomsday. Calamity.

Disaster. Catastrophe.

- Ray! Yo Ray!

Ray, where are you?!?

[ alarm blaring ] Ray!!!

- Henry!!!

- Charlotte! Have you seen Ray?!?

- No, where is he?!? - I dunno!!!

- Well he'’s gotta be around here somewhere!

- Ray! - Ray!

- Ray! - Ray, are you there?

- Ray! Ray! - Ray!

[ alarm stops ]

- What the--

- Who wants a snaaaaack?

- What?!?

- Whooooooo wants a snack?

- Dude!

- Let me.

Hey! - Heyyy!

- It'’s ten after midnight!

- Yeah.

- Well, why'd you

send us all the Doomsday Signal?!?

- '’Cuz I wanted to make sure you guys all came over.

- Dude! - What?!?

- Dude! - Yeah!

- Dude! - Hey.

- You told us that the Doomsday Signal

was only for a major crisis!

- Yeah, a life-or-death situation!

- Well, you are gonna die.

- What?!? - We are?!?

- When you try my new recipe forrr...

Captain Corn Dogs!

- Captain Corn Dogs? - Yeah!

- So you called us all here,

just to try your new Captain Corn Dogs?!?

- Uhh yeah.

- This is NOT a life or death situation!!!

- Yeah it is. Seriously...it is.

because I'’m gonna k*ll him!

Get, get down!

- Hey, hey hey. C'mon buddy, alright.

- I'’m gonna k*ll you.

- Okay. - I'm taking you out.

- There you go.

- Okay. Please let me go.

- Sure. Right after you try

one of my steamin' hot-- - I don't wanna--

- Captain Corn Dogs. - I already ate, come on--

- Yeah get it in there. - Guys, are you gonna help me?

- Get it in-- Choooo choooo!!

- Okay, I'll try it.

- There ya go, be a good sidekick.

Okay gimme another one.

- A-haaaaa!!!

- Oh my g--. Jasper, Charlotte,

you guys gotta try these!

- If I try one, can I go home?

- Sure.

- Fine. I'll take one.

Wow!!!

- Well I gotta try me one a'’these--

[ alarm blares ]

- Emergency call?

Now?

Geez, it's pretty rude

to call us after midnight.

- Yeah, who would be rude enough

to call someone after midnight?

- Okay smart-pants,

no more Captain Corn Dogs for you.

- Fine. I don't care if I...

Okay, I do care, can I please have some more corn dogs?

- Uh-huh.

Charlotte, Jasper...

- Oh thank goodness--

My name is Jerome Sanchez

and I'm the director

of the Swellview Museum of Stools and Jewels.

- Stools and jewels?

- Yeah, they got the best collection of--

- Stools and jewels, yeah.

Look, I need to hire you guys!

- Hire us? - Hire us for what?

- To protect this!

- What am I looking at here? - Huh, umm...

- Some kinda rock? Like a white rock?

- I think that'’s what they call it...

- Like an icy rock. - White rock, yeah.

- Hey guys...

- To pave driveways?

- Like the gravel or the solid--

- YOU GUYS!!

This is the Neal Diamond.

- Ohhhh. - Ahhhhhh.

- It'’s the largest uncut diamond on Earth!

And it'’s on loan to our museum this week,

and someone just broke in and tried to steal it!

That'’s why the cops are here right now!

- Ohhh. Okay. So what do you want?

- To hire you and Kid Danger,

to come to guard this incredible diamond!

- This guy'’s so dramatic.

- I know, I know.

Look Sir...

have you tried locking the museum at night?

[ glass breaks ] - AHHHHH!

No! No! Help! - Gimme it!

- Police! Police! - Gimme the diamond!

- Ahhhh! - Gimme it! Get off me!

- Y'’see?!? Did you see that maniac

try and steal the Neal Diamond?!?

- Yeah yeah yeah yeah, we get it.

- Look, we're only gonna have the diamond

here one more day, so...

will ya come guard it?!? Please?!?

- Uhhh... - Just a second.

Alright, I'’ve uhh spoken with my sidekick...

And we'’ll come guard the Neal Diamond--

- Oh thank you!!!

- If... - Iiiiiifff...

- You let me bring a bunch of my Captain Corn Dogs

- But I don'’t think--

- Which are like regular corn dogs

but they're appetizer sized

and they taste way way better...

- Way better.

- And you have to say it'’s okay

for me to pass out my Captain Corn Dogs to anyone

who comes to the museum.

[ glass breaks ] - AHHHHH!

- Shut up! - Help!!

- Shut up, gimme that diamond. - Ahh! Police!

- So, we got a deal?

- Yes! Deal!

- Boom! - Wooo!

All right, let'’s snack on some Captain Corn D...

- There was nothing I could do.

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ music ]

- Hey there.

Sooo, ya like that antique stool?

Well. I see you two aren't much for conversation--

so why don'’tcha try one of my Captain Corn Dogs?

Go on, go on.

Ah. Speechless.

- So, we'’re seeing a live feed

of what Ray and Henry are seeing right now?

- Yah, see...

I installed a teeeeny little camera

into their masks, right here between their eyebowels.

- Ah, cool.

- And now...

I can zoom in on this lady

that Ray is talking to...

- And this controls the facial-recognition?

- Mmm-hmm. Try it. - Okaaay...

- Tasty right?

- Lauren Filmore-- no criminal history.

Whoa, that'’s really cool technology.

- Yeah, I know this.

- Wow... gorgeous.

- Yeah... fantastic necklace.

- Oh uh... I uh...

I actually wasn't talkin' about the necklace.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- So, what were you talking about?

- Umm...

y'know...you.

- Ohhh. Okay.

- Okay.

Wow, this is not going well.

- Would you like a do-over?

- Yes please..

Hi, I'm Kid Danger.

Well doy, I knew that much.

- Right...cool.

So do you like coming to this museum

for the jewels, or the...stools?

- Oh, I am definitely a jewels girl.

- Yeah, I figured.

- Yeah... - Yeah...

- Why is- talking to that girl?

- I dunno, '’cuz she'’s cute.

- So. He doesn't need her.

"I'’m a jewels girl".

So obvious.

- What is your deal?

- Ah... just run her face.

- That'’s what I was doing.

Okay... [ computer beeping]

Heather Bogart--

extreme criminal history?!?

- I knew it.

I knew she was no good.

- Ayyyeee!

Look, she'’s been arrested so many times!

- Yeah! And all of them for stealing precious jewels!

She stole. the Sapphire of Madagascar...

- The Billy Crystal...

- The Emma Stone...

- The Dustin Diamond...

- The Lagossi Emerald...

- And the Jack Ruby!

- No way! She stole all those jewels?

- Yeah--and it says that she just got released

six weeks ago from Galcatraz prison.

- Ah! I'm contacting Ray right now!

- Y'’know, I first had the idea

for Captain Corn Dogs--

- Ray Ray! - Ahh!

Schwoz you nub!

You interrupted me when I was talkin' to a mom!

- Ray! Do you see that girl that Henry's flirting with?!?

- Yeah, what about her?

- She'’s a jewel thief!

- What?!?

- Her name'’s Heather Bogart.

She'’s been in prison like six times,

for stealing super expensive rare jewels!

- Got it. I'll handle Heather.

- So, do you uh--do you want another Captain Corn Dog?

- How could I not?

- Here ya go.

- Wa--wait, Captain Man! Wh--what are you doing?!?

- Stopping a jewel thief

before she strikes again.

- Wh--dude! She's not a jewel thief!

- Yes I am.

- I mean, geez man, you don't just

sh**t a miniature corn dog out of a girl's hand!

- You do if she'’s a nasty jewel thief!

Which she is! - No she's not!

- Yes I am.

- No, you'’re n-- I'’m sorry.

Wh-wh-wha-- say what?

- Uh-huh.

- I'’m sorry, you'’re a, you'’re a...

- Heather Bogart-- master jewel thief.

How ya doin'’?

- But you'’re so pretty!

- Forget her, Kid. She's rotten fruit.

- What?

- Quiet!

Now I'’m takin'’ you back to jail.

- Uh, no you'’re not.

- Ow!

What'’s that supposed to mean?!?

- I got outta jail six weeks ago.

And now I am a free citizen.

And look...

here's my ticket for this museum,

which means I have as much right

to walk around here as anyone.

- Valid ticket dude.

- Well, you can't have any more of my Captain Corn Dogs,

I can tell ya that.

- Cool with me. I don't care if I ca...

- Oh re--, oh what'’s wrong?

- Oh, uh... - Are you?

- What'’s going on?

- Oooooooh!!

- I saw that. - Y'see that, Kid?

You see what kinda jerk she is?!?

- Y'’know what?

I can'’t believe you'’re a jewel thief?!?

You told me you were an Olympic gymnast!

- Yeah--I lied.

- Ohhhh!. Lyin' too huh?

Whatever Heather.

You wanna walk around this museum? Fine.

You wanna look at some stools and-or jewels?

Go for it.

But don't even THINK about tryin' to steal

the Neal Diamond.

- I won'’t.

- Good. - Goooood.

- I'’m just gonna do it.

- Fine. - Whatever.

- Wait... - Whaaaaaat?

- I'’m gonna steal the Neal Diamond

before the museum closes tonight.

And there'’s not one thing

either of you can do to stop me.

- I really wanted her to be a gymnast.

[ music ]

- Yo yo! - Ha ha ha!

- Look at her.

- Yeah, she makes me so...

Awww, look at this guy

He'’s probably gonna try to flirt with her, like I did.

- Pfftt. Watch-- bet she's gonna tell him

she's a gymnast, too. - Yeah.

Hey, hey yo dude! My man!

Not a gymnast. So...

- I might enter my Captain Corn Dog recipe

in a contest.

- Oh, yeah, yeah yeah.

- Y'’know, like a, like-- an appetizer recipe contest

where the winner can win like a boat

or something cool.

- Okay, hang on a second-- I can't take this.

- Hey.

I might enter my Captain Corn Dog recipe

in a contest.

- So later, you maybe wanna go grab some coffee,

get some avocado toast?

- Maybe, yeah, that sounds pretty cool.

- Hey! - Hey sorry.

Uh, just dude-to-dude...

just to let ya know that uh... this girl's a thief.

Yeah, and an ex-con.

She'’s been in-and-outta jail like six times.

So... She's bad news.

- So, do you wanna get some avocado toast?

- Uh, yeah, I would, but first...

I gotta steal the Neal Diamond.

- Ooooo!

Okay.

- Well, I guess you'’ll be paying for avocado toast then.

- I guess so.

- Why would a person toast an avocado?

- Nooooo. - Nah nah nah nah.

- You toast bread, and then spread avocado

on the bread.

- Ulch. You Americans are animals!

- Slow cooker... - Hey.

- Maybe uh, scuba gear...

an archery set...

- Ma'’am, please walk away.

- Hey what'’s your deal?

- That thief Heather, keeps sayin'’

that she'’s gonna steal the diamond!

- Oh yeah, well good luck to her.

'’Cuz I'’m not takin'’ my eyes off this baby.

- Hey, can I have a Captain Corn Dog?

- Well, you sure can buddy!

In fact, I'm thinkin' about entering the recipe

in a contest...

- Yeah, I like to make them wiggle like this.

See that?

- There they are!

Hi Captain Man and Kid Danger!

- Well hello there. - Ah, hello...hi.

- Did we miss it?!?

- Uh, miss...?

- She uh... they must've heard

about my Captain Corn Dogs.

- You guys heard about the corn dogs?

- No.

We'’re here to watch Heather Bogart

try to steal the Neal Diamond!

- Wait. - Wait a minute...

- How do you know she'’s gonna try and steal it?

- She posted a video about it!

Here look...

- Wassup?

I'’m gonna steal the Neal Diamond.

- Well, that was to the point.

- Hey hey look at that.

- At what, the screen?

- Yeah, the screen.

- Why, what you see?

- Heather...

She'’s whispering to those photographers.

- Hey, you guys wanna go take some us-fies

in the gift shop?

'’Kay, walk with me.

- Hey guys, can we get a couple of youfies?

- Youfies? - You mean pictures of us?

- Yeah.

- Oh, yes please. - I don't see why not.

Lemme just adjust my hair real quick.

Let'’s get the Captain Corn Dogs in there.

They'’re the real heroes here.

- And one... two...

- Ahhhhh!!!

- Whoa that's bright!!!

- Oh! - What's ogoing onn?

- My, my eyes!!! I can't see!

- Neither can I!!!

- I-I think that was hyper gamma light!!!

- What is hyper gamma light?!?

- It'’s a new technology!

It'’s as bright as the three suns of Jupiter!

It makes it so that you temporarily cannot see!

- Whoa!

- And it even works on Captain Man?!?

- Yah yah, look at--

you'’re watching the same show I am!

- What happened?!? - Oh, see...

those photographers just blasted you

and everyone in this room with hyper gamma light,

which means you won'’t be seeing anything

for the next two hours.

- See? Nailed it. - Shhh.

- Oh yeah, Heather?!?

Well, Kid Danger and I might not be able to see,

but we can still PUNCH!

Hey hey Kid, I think I hit Heather!

Or uhh--maybe one of her photographers!

Kid! Kid?!? Hey, hey hey hey.

- You hit me. - Oh.

Attention!

Attention from Captain Man.

I cannot see!

- We cannot see!

- So, if you are not a criminal,

please stand back while Kid Danger and I

locate the perpetrators and then--

- Oh my god, what'’s happening?!?

- Captain Man and Kid Danger can'’t see!

- And Heather'’s trying to steal the diamond!

- Oh my god, Captain Man! To your left!

- Woo, way to go Piper!

- Kid Danger!

He'’s right in front of you! Get him!

- I got him, I got--ah!

- Quick, turn on the mics

so Ray and Henry can hear us.

- Henry! - Behind you!

- Get him!

He'’s right there, get him! - Uppercut, uppercut!

- Guys, we can'’t all talk at once.

- Kid, where's Heather?!?

- How would I have that information?!?

- Captain Man, Kid Danger!

I'’m right by Heather!!! Follow my voice!!!

- Huh? Owwwww!

- Sorry.

- Get away from me kid!

- Don'’t get loud with me!!!

- You'’re about to get hit!

- You got hit.

- Who dat?

- What th--?!? My stools!

And jewels! What's going o--

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

- Heather's about to get the diamond.

- Ahhhh! She's got the diamond!!!

- Told you I'’d steal it.

- Hey, hey hey,

I got one of the photographer'’s cameras!

- Henry, quick, turn right and push the button!

- Okay. - Push the button, Kid!!!

- Ahh! I'm trying.

- Ahhhh!!! - Ahhhh!

- Kid, I think ya did it!!!

- What do we do now?!?

- We gotta get the diamond from her!!!

- Yeah, good luck finding me!!!

- Alright, alright Heather, where are ya?

Okay, alright.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Aha! I got her!

- No, it'’s me!!!

- Alright Heather... - C'mon, c'mon c'mon...

- Alright... - Yo yo yo Marco!...

- Ahh! Polo!...

- What? No, not you I-

alright whatever...

- Oh, there she is... - Right here, right here.

- Ha, I got her.. - I took the diamond!

- Give us the diamond.. - Gimme it...

- Did ya get it?

- I got it. - Alright.

- There! That's Heather Bogart!!!

Arrest her!!!

- Take her away boys.

- This isn'’t over!

I'll be back!

And I'll get that diamond!

- Yeah, you lost, buh-bye. - Have fun in jail,

and you are not a gymnast.

- Do you two realize what you've done?!?

- Yes.

We saved the Neal Diamond.

- Here ya go man...

[ shatters ]

- C'’mon Kid Danger. Let's go.

- Alright. - Whoa whoa..

- Alright... - Which way you goin'.

- This way, let'’s go this way..

- This way? I'm in the dark

- I'm grabbing you... - Find your buddy...

- Hello?!?

-I'm on you, don't bump into anything..

- Whoa, okay.. - What was that?

- Ow!

- I'’m all good, I'’m all good.

- Find your buddy.

- Is this a baby corn dog?

Mmmm, these are really good.

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.