04x14 - Saturday Night Lies

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- Yo yo yo, kiddios,

Check out this new invention Schwoz just made for me.

- What is it? - Ooh, I wanna see.

- Check it!

- Uh, I don't think Schwoz invented the pen.

- So you think it's just a pen?!?

She thinks it's just a pen!

- Ahhh haaa...

- Ha ha. So did we.

- Yeeaaahhh, we all thought it was just a pen.

- Well, it also happens to be...

A nose hair trimmer!

- What?!

[ buzzing ]

- Ooo, listen to it trim the little hairs.

- And it also happens to fire small poison darts.

- What?

- No.

- Wow!

- Ohh, oh, oh. Wow.

- Wow!

- Yes! That is gold.

- And you can re-use the darts

so you know... it's sustainable.

Good for the Earth and all that--

Oh no... oh no she's here..

Oh my god. Why is she here? Why is she here right now...

No no no no no no no... - What do you mean?

- Her her, Lacey my ex-girlfriend.

Oh god, she's coming th--

- Ray?

- Heeey, Lay-ceee...

Oh my gosh, you're here.

- Ray Manchester.

Oh my god, how long has it been?

- Oh gosh, twelve years?

- Ulch, twelve years.

Well. you look exactly the same.

- Thanks.

- Just older.

- Ahhh, I forgot you were so funny.

- So Ray, do you uhh wanna introduce us to your...

- Oh, yeah right sorry.

Uh, Lacey, this is Henry,

and that's Charlotte,

and that's that kid.

And uh, this is Lacey Lumber,

my ex-girlfriend...

- So nice to meet you guys.

- Nice to meet you as well. - Thanks, same to you.

- Can I uhh-- Can I steal Ray real quick?

- Oh sure.

- I'm sorry, just gotta steal him.

- What what?

- Does she know you're Captain Man?

- What? Nooo, don't be dumb,

she just thinks I'm a regular guy.

- I'm not dumb.

- Ahem.

- Oh right. Ray...

I'd like you to meet my husband.

- The name's Reynolds. Roger Reynolds.

- Well. Great to meet you... Roger Reynolds.

What are you, a Railroad Repairman?

Haha R's.

- Ray, did you know that Roger works

for the British Secret Service?

- How would I know that?

- Whoa, you really do?

- So, you're like, like a spy?

- Like a real life James Bond?

- Ohhh, I wouldn't say I'm exactly like James Bo...

Well yes.

- Wow! Awesome. - That's amazing.

- So Ray... Is this what you do?

You work in this junk shop?

- Uh...no.

Heh.

I own it, okay. I own this...

...junk shop.

- So Roger...

we wanna hear some of your spy stories.

- Yeah, tell us about bein' a spy!

- No we don't!

This is a place of business, okay?

We should be uhh... we should be working, okay?

Work-working--not uhh...

not uhh story-listening-to.

- Ray, listen...

you seem to be doing great.

- Yeah I am doin' great.

- Then stop acting jealous.

- J--Jea--Jea...

- "Jealous".

- I know what she said!

- Ray, just calm down man, it's not worth it.

- No no, what makes you think

I'd be uhh jealous of, uhh,

Reginald Rumpelthorpe over here!

- His name is Roger.

And well, it's just that...

he goes on exciting spy missions,

defeats criminals, and saves people.

While you work here, surrounded by things

that people have thrown away.

- Okay! Alright!

Well then let me let ya in on a little secret

about THIS guy, darlin'...

Guess what this does!

- Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah! - No no no no no no.

- No no no, put it away, put it away.

- I'm not jealous!!

- He's not. Y'know why?

Because Ray saves people too.

- Mmm... - Hmmm...

Yeah...Y'know he uhh...

saved me...

he saved her...

he saved him.

- Saved you from what?

- From uh, y'know the uhh...

- Life on the streets.

- Yeah! - Yeah...tell 'em, kids.

- See, Ray adopted us. So. - That's right.

- He's our daddy now.

- Mmm... Yeah. Yes indeed.

And...I don't just run a junk shop okay.

I got another job that's really cool.

Just this really-

- I don't think that-- - Ahhh...

- I'm an inventor.

- Yes he is, yes she is. - Yes.

- Yeah. I invent like really awesome,

really awesome stuff.

- Like what?

- Uh, like this!

Look! Pen!

Nose hair trimmer!

Poison dart sh**t!

- Owww! Daddy why?!?

- Pull that out of him, pull it out of him!!

Anyway, these are my kids, and uhh..

I'm a really awesome inventor,

and I live in a nice house, sooo...

- Well... I'd love to see your house

before we leave tomorrow...

- We don't have dinner plans tonight...

- It's true.

- Ah. Well then...

- Daddy, no.

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

- All right, quick-- you two go online

and check on nice houses for sale in Swellview.

- What?!? - Why?!?

I gotta buy a house! You know.

My dumb ex-girlfriend and her snoochie husband

are comin' to dinner at "my house" tonight,

and the main problem with "my house"

is that I don't got one!

- Dude, if you're seriously

gonna do this whole dinner thing,

then why don't you just do it at Char's house?

- Uh, because no.

- Hey Ray! Peek-a-boo!

- Whoa, what the--where did... - Whoa, uh...

- Where did he...

- I see you. - D'yaaahhh!!!

- What!? Dude, how did you do that?!?

- Well, you remember the science fair,

when Charlotte's project got ruined,

and I turned it into a teleportation device?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, kinda hard to forget somethin' like that.

- Well look! I made a better one!

- Wait wait wait...

so that thing can move anyone, anywhere?

- No no no, not just peoples.

Yeah yeah, go go go.

Watch watch, look-- look at the round couch...

Okay first...

- Hey uh, Schwoz, I really like this couch,

maybe you don't telep--

- And now...

- Wow, wow. That is so cool.

- Whoa that's amazing.

- So where's my couch?

- Errrghhh!

H-how'd this happen?!?

- Okay, let's forget about the couch,

and start planning our "family dinner" tonight

at Henry's house tonight.

- No dude, we can't have the dinner at my place, okay.

My family went to a tennis tournament

and they're probably on their way back right now.

- Well how are they getting back home?

- Uhh...the subway--why?

- 'Cuz...Schwoz--

can you hack into the city's transportation network

and access the subway system's master control?

- Will you promise to take me later, for ice creams?

- No, but if you do it,

I promise not to slap your silly face.

- Well, that's not as good but okay.

- Ennnnggghhh!

Hi. Welcome to Junk-N-Stuff.

- Ummm, can you help me find a gift for my nephew?

- Noooo. Can't you see

I'm stuck under this big couch?!?

- Oh.

- Hey!! No! Hey hey!

Why would your nephew want a lamp?

Ahhh!

- Hey, c'mon...

let's try to find my mom, dad and Piper.

- There! Stop! I saw Henry's mom on the monitor...

Go back go back go back go back go back go back,

there there, that's Henry's mom right there.

- Oh yeah, and there's my dad and Piper...

- Hey, who's that man, sitting beside your mom?

- Huh? Oh, that's Darius.

He's my mom's tennis instructor.

- Schwoz, can you make sure that Henry's family

and his mom's tennis instructor

stay on that subway for the next five hours?

- Suuuure.

There. - Awesome.

You two, go to Henry's house right now,

pull down all the family pictures

and destroy them.

- What? Why do we have to destroy them?!?

- Okay fine! Just hide them. Go go go go go!

Schwoz, I want you to go and rent a maid's uniform.

- Already have one.

- Of course you do.

- Up the tube.

- I also want you to go to the supermarket,

buy a bunch of dinner food-- the good stuff--

and take it to Henry's. - 'Kay kay.

- And make sure we have a nice table set up for dinner.

Now scoot! - Ayee.

- And as for me...

I'll text Lacey the address.

- Hey hey! It's my handsome son, Henry,

and my beautiful daughter, Marabelle.

- Marabelle?

- Yeah, I've always wanted

to have a daughter named Marabelle...

and y'know I've never been in love

with the name Charlotte, sooo...

- Okay. Does my finger nail look weird?

- I dunno, lemme see. Ah!

- Okay, all the ooopa-tizers

and the dinner foods are ready to serve.

- Thank you, Schwoz.

[ watch beeps ] Ooo, it's seven.

Okay... house looks nice...

people look good...

Oh wait, Henry, c'mere. I gotta fix your hair.

- Whoa No no no no no, whooooa no no no.

- What?

- I don't want you to fix my hair with your wet,

spit licked hand.

- Well I don't want my son coming to dinner

looking like some kind of wild animal.

- Okay, I don't know what that is,

but no, you're not gonna do that.

- Just c'mere.

- No, no you're not gonna do that!

- Just let me-- - No!

- Just let-- - No!

- Just let--

- No! No! I don't consent!

- Just give it-- - I don't consent!

- It's my house tonight! Give it!

- It's my house, I only let you borrow it!

- Get off me!

- Get down! Just go down dude!

- You go down!

- Why are you acting like such a maniac?

- I don't know!

I guess...I guess it's 'cuz I want...

I want Lacey to know that I'm Captain Man...

and I'm indestructible, and I'm a big deal.

- Well, you know you can't tell her

that you're Captain Man!

- I know.

But I also know there is something I can do.

- What's that?

Nooo! Stop! Stop! Dude stop! D'ahh!!! D'ahh!!!

- There ya go... just let Daddy do his job...

There it is. That'll look--

wow look at how nice-- [ doorbell rings ]

- They're here. Marabelle, get the door will ya?

- Charlotte.

- Whew, teenage girls, man-- lotta attitude.

- I know, right? GET OFF ME!

- Ah, hello there.

- Hiiii. Welcome to our house.

Please come in.

- Lay-ceeee...

Roger... you're heeeere.

Glad you could make it. This is my house...

y'know my furniture... my staircase...

and you've already met my adopted kids,

Henry and Charlotte,

who we sometimes call Marabelle.

- Yeah, noooo.

- Eh... a'hoom a'hoom.

- Ah yes,

and uhh, this is our maid, Schwoz.

- Ah , Schwoz--

what an interesting name.

- Thank you.

In my country, it means "pretty mouth."

- Oh, I see. - Ah. That's uh...

- Uh, Ray, where is your other son?

- Hm? - The awkward boy.

- Jasper.

- Oh yeah Jasper. He's uhh...he's uhh...

- Eerrrahhh!

Announcer: Next stop, Downtown Swellview.

- Oh, okay. Oh hahaha yes.

- Nice and steady. Good momentum...

- What th--? Hey! It's almost o'clock!

- Just a sec...

Hey baby, how was your nap?

- Uh, long!

Do you realize it's : P.M.?!?

- Whoa, she's right.

I've been laughing with Darius

and I didn't even realize.

- Well how could this have happened?!?

We've been circling Swellview

for the past two hours!

- We're on a run-away.

- Uhh...what does that mean?

- This train ain't stopped in two-and-a-half hours.

It just keeps goin'. And goin'. And...

- Goin'? - Yep.

- So, I ran right across the alligators,

hopped on my motor bike,

and drove right through a concrete wall,

and then, spent the rest of the afternoon

rescuing the disabled school-children.

- Whoa. You rescued all those first graders?

- Yes. But in a way...

they rescued me.

- Awww.

- Pffft.

[ alarm beeps ] - Ooo! My butter cake is ready!

Everyone, get ready for my special butter cake!

- Nooooo!

- We can't have butter cake?

- Dad, butter cake.

- Look! We've spent our whole dinner,

listening to Roger,

talking about his exciting fantastic life!

- Ray, don't be jealous.

I mean, yes,

Roger is an exceptional man,

but I'm sure you have lots of great stories

about selling junk...and stuff.

- Uhhh, well don't forget that Ray--

my Daddy...

is also an amazing inventor.

- Mhmm yeah, he's like a genius.

- Amazing man, my daddy.

- Oh that's right.

Show me that cute pen you made again.

- Yes, the little pen that turns into a nose hair trimmer.

- That was so impressive.

- Oh uhh... you wanna be impressed?

You wanna be impressed? Okay.

Tell ya what...

before we have our "butter cake"...

why don'tcha take a look at another little invention

that I just whipped up last week.

- Uh, dude?

- That's "Dad" to you.

- Uh, dad? I uhh...

I don't think you need to show them that.

- Yeah, you don't need to be showing them that.

- Yes I do!

But, like all great inventors,

I'll need my maid to assist me. Schwoz.

- Yes, Mister Manchester?

- Help me teleport the...

dinner table.

- Uh, okay.

First we set the...

- First thing I'm wanna do is activate this.

As you can see there and then uh...

- And then we enable the nuclear pulse generator,

- Then that goes there. Then I, right there...

- Making sure that the nuclear variance is stabilized...

- And uhh...the thing, and the thing.

And such as, and the Iraq and the Asian countries...

- Now we lock it onto the dinner table...

- And I do this. Do it.

Now, look over there.

- Oh my god!

- Great Britain!

You've created a teleportation device!

- Ray...this is the most amazing invention ever!

- Yeah thanks.

So who wants butter cake?

- Oh ya ya ya - Ooo, I do.

- No! Thank you.

I'm afraid Lacey and I

won't be joining you for butter cake.

- Why not? - Dude, butter cake.

- I'm sorry. But I must now transport myself,

my wife, and my new invention

to headquarters in England.

- What are you talkin' about?

- I'm going to show this teleportation device

that I invented to the British parliament

and even to the Queen!

- Oh Roger! - That's right.

- Really, Lacey? You'd respect a man

who'd steal someone else's invention

and pretend like it was his?!?

- Uh dude, that's exactly what-- - Shut up.

And as for you...

- Uhn-uh-uhhhh!

You all stay right where you are.

Now, we hate to eat and run,

but it's time for Lacey, me, and my new toy,

to teleport ourselves to England.

- Hey you guys, you guys.

- What? What? What?

- Tell 'em, tell 'em, tell 'em.

- Uh, hey hey Roger... uh...

look, my maid just reminded me

that the teleporter hasn't been perfected yet.

- Yeah, it can't transport two people at the same time.

- Yeah and If you try it,

it might do something terrible.

- Oh Ray, you always were a terrible liar.

- Nice try, old boy.

- Old?!?

- It was good to see you, Ray.

- Stop! Stop! - No wait! Don't!

- Ayeeeeee!!!

- Geez man! - Ah, it's so bright!

- Schwoz, what's going on?!?

- My teleporter... it's malfunctioning!!!

- Oh noooo.

Uhh...Schwoz...what is...

what's going on... what is that?

- M'm'my device... it took Lacey and Roger

and it turned them into this...one...thing.

- Well, what do we do with them? It.

- Schwoz, do...do you know a way to separate them,

y'know turn them back into two normal people?

- Do I?!? No.

- What? Do we take 'em to the hospital? I mean...

- Oh c'mon,

no hospital's gonna know what to do with...

that "blob" couple.

- She's right.

The only place to take this...

uhh them...that...

is to a place where there are people

who are more holy and spiritual than any of us.

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.