02x03 - The Dance

[bunniefuu]

[boy] Carmie.

[echoes]

Carmie, are you okay?
Carmie! Carmie!

[Carmie] My birth mother?
My birth mother?

[laughs]

- You got to see this.
- [heart b*ating]

The writing is beautiful,

almost hypnotic.

[heart b*ating loudly]

[Carmie screams, grunts]

[distorted voice speaking]

Dylan, hey. Are you okay?

What was that noise?

Oh, no.

No!

Oh, I'm good. Thank you.

No, no! Out of my way! No, no.

- Oh! Oh, Batman number seven.
- [Carmie sighs]

[Collector] Oh, you're safe.

- [Dylan] I don't know.
- What happened?

It's been years since a grimoire
was addressed to me.

- Grimoire.
- A what?

with incredible powers.
A magical book

They don't let just anyone
read them, you know.

So, this was sent to you?

No. Dylan just showed it to me.

Well, it found you,

away from my merchandise.
so keep it

You never know with relics.

It just blew me across the room,
and I barely even touched it.

obviously, you conjured
[Collector] Yes. Well,

- a telekinetic expl*si*n.
- What? Conjured?

I didn't do anything.

Yeah. Well, tell that
to my comics.

I carbon-dated it 1403,

designed an algorithm
and I scanned it,

to see if it synced up
to a known language.

- I was working my way
- Right.

- through all 6,000...
- It's Goblin.

- Well, I don't know.
- What does it say?

No one reads Goblin
except for Goblins.

when I say this...
And believe me

they are the worst.

No other Mythic likes them.

They chew with their mouth open.
They stink. They eat children.

They cannot be trusted.

a Goblin tried to sell me
Many years ago,

were magic beans!
what he insisted

They were chickpeas!

you ever found that thing.
Take my advice. Forget

Whatever it says is trouble.

Let's just forget about this.
I agree.

Not a chance! Okay?

A loose Goblin,
a magical skin,

Carmie getting blasted
across the room

Oh, I've never felt so alive!

a normal high school experience,
[scoffs] When I said I wanted

this is not what I had in mind.

♪

[theme music playing]

♪

eerily natural on you.
[Kev] That looks

Really? How about this?

[hisses]

Don't... don't do that.
People will see you!

Kev, you worry too much.

Dude, what is up
with your lunch?

Proteins, carbs, and fats.
Perfectly proportioned.

I measure all my macros.

some kind of a vision
Carmie, did you have

when you touched this?

Smelled something?
Hear anything?

No, no, no, and no.

What's the last one for?
That's four nos.

No, I'm not getting involved
with this,

now that I know that Goblins
are attached to it.

- So...
- Yeah.

to the dance tomorrow night?
...you guys going

Dressing up to be put on display
and judged to see

if you're socially acceptable?
Not interested.

Isn't that all of high school?

Yes, but I agree with Kev.

I don't need somebody telling me
where and when I can dance.

When he's right, he's right.

Fine. If you guys don't go,
I won't go.

[dance music playing]

- [boy] Nice moves.
- [squeals]

at the dance tomorrow night?
Will I see them

Yes. Of course.

I'll be there. Early.

I have to get those free chips.

Sweet. Save me a dance?

Maybe, if you'll save one
for me.

[chuckles]

♪

Is he gone?

No. No. No. Yes.

I'm going to the dance!
[squeals]

Wait. You just said
you weren't going.

Well, that was before.
Now, we're going!

[Dylan, Kev]
We?

Yes! You guys can be my wingmen.

[gasps, squeals]

[music playing]

- [Rainey] Well no.
- How's this one?

- It's too bold.
- Yeah.

[Rainey] Uh, too old.

Eh.

[Rainey] Ooh. No.
Washes you out.

Oh, dangerous!

- [Carmie yelps, thuds] Ow.
- [Rainey] Told you.

- [Rainey pants]
- Ugh!

[Rainey] You're going to need
outside help. [pants]

♪

[phone rings]

Hey. Yeah.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I think I need your help.

[Kev] Uh, what is all that?

This is your lucky day, my boy.
The second printing

of your Carmela Book One:
I Don't Bite Yet!

Tons of orders have come in
since the signing,

Protected-By-Plastic-Film.com.
and you're even trending on

Kev, you, sir, are the It Boy

independent comic book world!
of the self-published

- Yes. Next stop Fan Con!
- Whoa.

That's the biggest comic book
convention of the year.

Oh, you bet it is, and once I
finish your application,

with all your adoring fans.
you'll be able to hang

You'd do that for me?

For you? [chuckles]

No. This is for me.

My decade-long ban is almost up.

I'll be your plus one

and then return to Fan Con
in all my glory.

Introducing a new talent,
of course. [chuckles]

Now, all I have to do
is fill out a simple



Send a physical copy by mail.

Well, why not just do it online?

[chuckles] No, no.

This is a historical moment,
my friend.

I'm not going reduce this
to the metaverse. [scoffs]

it needs to be postmarked by
All right. Now,

midnight tomorrow?

That's impossible.

I mean totally doable.
[clears throat]

Now, leave me to my task.

Come on. We've got work to do.

Yes. I also have work to do.

Okay. Move everything out.

Massage tables there,
supplies there,

and yeah, those lights, we're
going to have to change them.

I'm glad you called.

- I brought my team.
- Team?

in all shapes and sizes.
LeannaLifers come

Goblin is near a body of water.
then the best place to find a

what's in Abraham's journal.
Yeah. That checks out with

the seaside town of Doolin.
"I tracked a Goblin to

The beast thought the dizzying
Cliffs of Moher would stop me.

He was wrong."

- That's intense.
- Yeah.

[Kev] I prefer to draw
my adventures,

not be a part of them.

This is the only riddle

the greatest Helsing
could never solve.

You know, this is my chance
to reclaim my purpose,

make my ancestors proud,

in the Helsing lineage.
be the greatest hunter

You're not going to believe
what just happened.

You found a Goblin?

We have customers. Kev.
Even better.

On it. Dylan, finish up here.

Yeah.

♪

Gross.

[Leanna] You don't know how long
you've needed this makeover for.

Well, I really just needed help

finding a nice outfit
for the dance.

- Nice or awesome?
- Awesome.

Well, that's almost impossible,
but lucky for you,

I don't believe in almost.
I got you.

and pore reduction treatment
This skin hydrating

is the first step
of oh so many.

the perfect outfit
We cannot find

until the rest of you
is ready to wear it.

Wow. Why so complicated?

Well, you're so happy
being you.

But when I'm done with you,
you're going to look so fire

fire extinguishers on standby.
the school's gonna need

But lucky for you, local fire
code mandates they do.

[Carmie chuckles]

[seagulls calling]

everywhere, always leaving
[Dylan] Goblins crawl

their mark behind.

[clattering]

not to attract attention.
Please try

looked at me funny.
Sorry! One of them

♪

Same as the journal describes.
[Dylan] Yep.

They do exist!
Goblin.

I've seen enough here.
Uh, I think

[clattering]

compromise this entire mission?
Quiet! Are you trying to

Well, what if I don't wanna be
on a mission?

Okay. Goblins are alerted
by noise.

If one is here, you just let it
know we're coming, okay?

they eat kids.
Oh, and FYI,

why we should be going.
That's exactly

Uh, just to be clear,
[loudly]

I'm a teenager!

not a kid, child,
I'm a teenager,

or whatever age bracket
you eat!

Is this really necessary
for a school dance?

makes your eyes stand out,
[Leanna] Teeth whitening

and yes, it is very necessary.

[gasps]

♪

[seagulls calling]

[Kev] Are you sure there's going
to be a Goblin here?

Remind me. How many Blendeds
have you captured?

Uh, none.

Ah! I'm being att*cked!

Help! Help me!

He really isn't getting
the whole quiet part

of this mission.

we need to release tension
[Leanna] Lastly,

and bring balance to the body
with a hot stone massage.

Amazing.

I know, right? I feel so light.

Yeah. I know what you mean.

[Collector] What is Kev's
artistic process?

I know.

My greatest inspiration

mm-hmm

is a man

like no other
[chuckles]

a man who is known
for his knowledge

of all things comic books.

I would be nothing.
Without him,

- [girl] I'd like to get this.
- [dings]

Interruptions everywhere,
all of the time!

- [girl] Dude, you suck.
- [clattering]

but we are closed now! Goodbye!
Thank you for coming,

Sign, closed! Bye!

Oh, my word.

Do you remember what I wrote?
No. Oh! Young lady!

- [girl] Bite me.
- [groans]

That's my good squid ink
as well.

[Leanna] The metamorphosis
you are about to witness

of long, hard, and painful work.
took hours

This cannot not work. On her.
Oh, not on me.

[Carmie] You had a spa team
and a professional shopper.

Yeah. How did you get them
out of here so fast?

LeannaLifers get it done.
[chuckles] Moving on.

[sighs] It was a long, hard,
and painful process.

You may not recognize
your daughter.

Carmela?

It's Carmie.

♪

of myself as an alchemist,
[Leanna] I like to think

like I turned your daughter
from a chunk of lead

into spun gold.

Our baby!

She's all grown up!

Oh.

- Pictures. Pictures.
- Pictures.

[camera snaps twice]

we really need a new camera.
Oh. Um, honey,

Okay, people. Let's go.

Oh. You look so beautiful.

Thank you!

I'm one of the chaperones.
[Bill] Let's go.

[Aasha] Have fun!

We promised Carmie we'd be
her wingman for the dance.

- [Dylan groans]
- It's late!

The faster we find a Goblin,

the faster we'll figure out
the answer to this riddle.

"Goblins love loud noises,
Okay.

be it the clattering
of horse hooves

or the racket of machinery."

[clangs]

- [yelling] What are you doing?
- Summoning a Goblin.

[clangs] We've got to get
to the dance.

This isn't really the best way!

- [clangs]
- Okay.

They might also smell
like rotten eggs,

which we can find out quietly.

Hey! You can hear you kids
from a mile away.

Uh, we were looking for...

Who cares? Go away!

Now!

[groans]

Where are you guys?

Uh, we're on the hunt.

you always glow, literally,
You're glowing. I mean,

glowing glowing. Wow.
but you're, like,

- Yeah. They were Leanna's idea.
- Highlights?

the "she's our friend
Leanna? Like,

but not really our friend"
Leanna?

I think you meant to say,
"Thank you."

Are you guys coming or not?
Okay? I need my crew.

my first high school dance!
This is

We'll be there.

Uh, after we catch us a Goblin.

This, this is imperative.

Who's dressing up as a Goblin?
Is this a costume dance?

there were costumes!
Nobody told me

[Bill] Right. Let's go, girls.

- [Leanna] No. We're too early.
- [beeps]

around the block or something?
Can you just, like, drive

If we're not fashionably late,
then we're not fashionable.

[Bill sighs]

♪

[laughs gleefully]

I'm going to have this done
Whoo! Can't believe

with time to spare. [chuckles]

Time to celebrate.

Oh, good work, Collector.

Well, thank you, Collector.

Oh.

It's actually happening.
Can't believe it.

Oh, my G... Uh, uh, uh, uh, ah!

[grunts]

Ah! Ah!

[groans]

Ah, it's not too damaged.

♪ Like duh ♪

♪ Walk through doors
with confidence ♪

♪ High heels click click
Always making moves ♪

♪ I was born with this ♪

I ain't got nothing to prove ♪
♪ There's no stopping this

We should've waited 15 minutes!
We could be fashionably late!

Leanna, if we waited
any more time,

we would've missed
the whole dance.

Ladies, you look beautiful.
Enjoy yourselves.

Act like I'm not even here.

[students chattering, laughing]
[music playing,

Tristan?

[students chattering, laughing]
[music playing,

♪

[seagulls calling,
[boat horn blowing]

Will I ever bring honour
to the Helsing name?

[man] What did you say?

Uh, creepy old man approaching!

the name-calling, kid.
Careful with

I bite.
[snarls]

Ever see a dentist?

Dentist? Why mess
with perfection?

What name did you say just now?

Honour to the Helsing name.

What do you know
about Helsing?

I'm the great-great-grandson

Abraham Van Helsing.
of the fearless

I come from a long line
of noble hunters

and our legacy 'til this day
who live by virtue,

rings strong and true.

That's the goal, anyway.

That's what they all say.

I can shrink you if need be.
Now, show yourself.

Now, that's a Helsing move.

Whoa. A Goblin!

Your scent was in the air.
I knew it.

Your great-great-grandpops
let me go once,

or I got away.

Not sure, but I owe him one.

Wait. How old are you?

That's rude.

Can you translate this?

For Abe's kin?

Why not?

[speaks Goblin language
[in very deep voice]

[in human voice]
Who's Carmela?

[students chattering]
[music playing,

First party of the year,
Update.

and good vibes.

The food is atrocious.

my best friend, Carmela,
But the real news is,

her friends ditched her,
mm, well, see,

and her crush is a no-show.

I feel so bad for her, right?
You know,

but really, what a disaster.
I told her no big deal,

Leanna, can we not do this?

Sorry. I have to keep
a constant stream.

Otherwise, my analytics
go way down.

[chuckles] Yeah.

♪

♪

Carmie.

You look beautiful.

So, you just got here?

You know how they are.
Yes. Parents.

- They just kept taking pictures.
- Yeah.

[students chattering, laughing]
[music playing,

- Leanna,
- Stop.

- we need to talk to Carmie.
- It's really important.

than what is happening now.
No more important

- [both] Carmie!
- Shh!

[students chattering, laughing]
[music playing,

So, do you want to dance
with me?

Only with you.

Come on.

♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready to fall ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm ready,
I'm ready ♪

You two second place.
Tristan first place.

My makeovers are life-changing!
Now, back off!

♪ I don't know where ♪

♪ But I know that I'm going ♪

♪ No matter what I do ♪

♪ I'll keep my heart open ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready to fall ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready to fall in love ♪

[Bill sighs]

the longest slow song ever.
This is

♪ I'm ready, I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready to fall ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ I don't know where ♪

♪ But I know that I'm going ♪

♪ No matter what I do ♪

♪ I'll keep my heart open ♪

♪ I'm ready, I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready to fall in love ♪

[fast dance music plays,
[students cheer]

♪

[vacuum whirs]

[knocking]

- [vacuum turns off]
- Oh! Oh.

[stammers, clears throat]

Ah. Hello! You're early!

Uh, no. I'm actually late.

for even swinging by.
So, you can thank me

is still a bit, uh, crisp.
Uh, the... the package

Uh, just give me a minute.
Give me a minute,

all set for you. [grunts]
and I will have it

There we go. [mutters, grunts]

Ha.

Now, away with you,
person of the mail!

- I slow danced! With a boy!
- [Kev] Carmie!

Do you see that? It happened.

And you two left me stranded
with Leanna all night.

- Carmie, you don't understand.
- No.

I was my own wing woman,
and I crushed it!

Carmie, you need to listen.

[sighs] Not right here.

We found a Goblin.

What? Really? How?

Uh, an old friend
of the family.

Yeah, and he translated
the skin.

What does it say?

will choose Mythic
That Carmela

in a w*r against humans.
and lead them

You have no choice.

and destroy all humankind.
You will be a Mythic

No.

No.

♪

[Tristan] Hello?

Hello?

Does she trust you?
[Shapeshifter]

Oh, she trusts me.

I'll deliver her.

[chuckles]

♪