03x06 - The Legion of Evil/The Price of Love

[bunniefuu]

[Jenny]
♪ 5:00, get a call
to go blading ♪

♪ at the skate park
down by the mall, ♪

♪ but my mom says ♪

♪ I gotta prevent
hostile aliens ♪

♪ from annihilating us all. ♪

Hyah!

♪ With the strength
of a million and 70 men, ♪

♪ I guess I really
shouldn't complain. ♪

♪ Still, I wish I could
go for a walk ♪

♪ without rusting
in the rain. ♪

♪ It's enough
to fry my brain. ♪

♪ So welcome to my life
as a teenage robot, ♪

♪ the story of my life
as a teenage robot. ♪

♪ My teenage robot life. ♪

Good morning, students.

In a current events class,
you must separate rumors--

silly, vicious untruths--
and fact.

[alarm wailing]

Yes, Miss Wakeman.

Today's paper says that

your house was fumigated
by a special team of--

Yes, thank you, Jennifer.

The presence of several zoo
animals poses severe health--

Thank you, Miss Wakeman!
That will be quite en--

Ad you were found wearing a
sailor suit and jelly flaming--

Enough!

Today's quiz was destroyed

in a totally unrelated incident.

[kids]
Hooray!

So instead, I am assigning
a weekend project

based on an exhibit
at the ancient history museum.

[kids]
Aw...

[irritated]
Yes, Jenny.

But this
is a current events class.

Not anymore!

[muttering]
Lousy newspapers...

stupid city health codes...

There!

Now we're
in ancient history class.

Miss Wakeman,
please step forward.

Now, Jenny
will generate random numbers

to break you
into groups.

Aw, I hate being
the random number generator.

ding!

Working in groups
develops teamwork skills,

and I only have to endure


Let's see.

My team is supposed to meet
by the fountain.

Some people hate group projects,

but I like to think

that I can get along
with any...body.

[flies buzzing]

[punk rock guitar riff]

Great.

Two Cro-Magnons
and a walking blender.

Couldn't you have rigged
your number-generating thingy

to put me
in a decent group?

It was totally random.

I couldn't fix it.

That would be cheating.

And it's that
kind of attitude

I simply
can't work with.

Um, what about
you guys?

I will not be subjugated
by the Man!

Yeah!

I'm late
for my beauty nap.

[wearily]
Go, team.

Team or no team,

I've got research to do.

Great Shroud of Anubis!

This place is packed.

[air whooshing sharply]

Why is the museum
so crowded?

Because of the exhibit
of Cleopatra's pillow.

What's so great about a pillow?

Eh, nothing...

except that
it's this big

and made
of pure diamond!

That sounds
really uncomfortable.

Shows what you know
about royalty.

I'm going to sculpt a perfect
replica of it

our to my belly button lint.

I'm going to make
a graffiti art painting of it

covered with
revolution-inducing slogans!

After?

[together]
After we help Brit
with her project.

So you're
making individual projects

collectively?

It was
my brilliant idea.

Look, if we want
to pass this assignment,

we've got to stick together,
or--

[alert blaring]
Uh-oh,
got to go.

So much
for little goody ten-shoes.

Now, remember,

we meet back here tomorrow night
after dark.

Got it?

[together]
Yes, ma'am.

Crikey, sounds like
something big is going down.

You shall all bow before me.

Whoa, Nelly!

I sure am being evil here.

Yes, sirree, evil.

Please.
You're scaring Mittens.

[Jenny]
Lancer.

Oh, no.
XJ9!

Weren't you
just released from jail,

like, yesterday?

Yes.
I'm just so evil.

Well, you're not
really breaking any laws.

I'm...loitering?

This is
a waste of time.

I should be
working on my proj--

Oh, no,
you didn't!

You did not
just hit me.

Ah!
Don't hurt me!

Just take me
back to jail.

[metal clanging]

Thanks to you,

I'll never make it back
to the museum before it closes!

slam!

[man]
Welcome back.

Did you retrieve
what I sent you for, comrade?

XJ9 was so busy
pummeling my regal person,

she failed to notice these.

Excellent.

Phase one is complete.

Let us commence with phase two!

Phase three.
Go!

Success!

Gentlemen,

our vengeance is at hand.

[laughs evilly]

Hey, Jenn.
How goes it?
Awful.

The whole team dynamic
doesn't work,

and the project
is due tomorrow.

What do I do?

Jeez, Jenn, I don't know
what to tell you.

My team's dynamic
is dynamite.

Hiya, Jenn.

Huh?

How did you do
so much so fast?

The museum's
been packed.

Well, we were
already doing

a museum-inspired project
just for kicks.

Thanks for hooking me up
with these geniuses, Jenn.

Thank you so much!

It was
entirely random.

[alert blaring]

Ugh, not another
emergency call!

[air whooshing sharply]

Have I told you guys
I love you lately?

[Sheldon]
Ten times in the last hour,
Brad.

I'm going to make you
some punch and cookies.

[ominous music]

[sarcastically]
Jeepers, an abandoned warehouse.

I hope
I'm not walking into a trap.

Wow, a cage.

I feel so helpless.

[laughs]

You have fallen
into our clutches.

Uh, yeah, you sure got me.

Can we move this along?

I've got a report due tomorrow.

Silence!

Tremble in fear
at the Legion of Evil!

Lancer...
Mudslinger...

The Hammer Brothers...

and I, Vladimir, the brilliant
architect of your demise!

Your name is Mr. Scruffles,

your legion
is a bunch of B-list villains,

and your secret lair
smells like fish.

The Lancer toldeth thou

we shouldst have
built a castle and a moat.

Presentation
is everything.

That's a lot of work.

Who you expect
to build that?

Us, of course.

Well,
phooey on that.

News flash,paesans.

That's why
you're in this g*ng.

We dodestruction...

Notconstruction.

Enough squabbling!

As individuals,
XJ9 defeated each of us.

With a minimal amount of effort,
I might add.

Silence!

It was only after we met
in the prison's knitting club

that we formed
our glorious union of--

Knitting club?
[laughs]

Pay her no mind.

Our handmade Legion of Evil
head cozies

are both
stylish and functional.

Separately, we failed,
but together, we have conquered!

Yeah, yeah,
we all get it:

teamwork is cool.

Can you get on with it, already?

I have a class project to fail.

You will not be so impudent
when we unleash our master plan.

Which is?

Uh...

Team meeting!

I did not think

we would get this far.

What should we do,
rob a bank?

How about
a jewelry store?

We want
to blow something up.

Well,
let's see.

The Moose Lodge
is having

a bake sale
this weekend.

What do you want to do,
steal acannoli?

Whoa, stop the presses.

Here's something
we'll all enjoy.

"Dateline:
Tremorton.

"Cleopatra's
diamond pillow

"stolen
in daring heist

by handsome
ex-journalist."

[chuckles]
I mean,
"the Legion of Evil."

How about
this headline?

"Heist foiled
by heroic robot girl.

g*ng of fools pummeled."

[Vladimir]
Legion of Evil,
att*ck Plan Delta Four.

[air whooshing sharply]

[energy crackling]

[zapping]

I wouldn't move
if I was you.

If so much as
one teensy speck of mud

is disturbed...

[together]
Ka-boom!

[Vladimir]
As you can see,

we spent our time in jail

honing our skills
to absolute perfection.

And knitting head cozies.

Look, darling.

We made one
just for you.

Now,
you stay put.

[cackles]

Hmm...
Aha!

[whirring]

Phew.
Way to go, Jenny.

[expl*si*n]

This is going to set me back.

Comrades, let's begin.

All ready.

Okay.

[camera shutter clicking]

[boy]
Hey, Brit.

Don't you think 300 pictures
of you on a diamond is enough?

Yeah, at this rate,

I'll never even get
my lint sculpture started.

Listen,
you little toads.

It was my bribery

that got us in here
after closing,

so you'll keep sh**ting
till I'm satisfied!

[expl*si*n]

What was that?

[gasps]
No!

Hours of posing
down the drain!

To the diamond,
my diabolical comrades!

I hereby abdicate
my title as team leader.

She was
team leader?

I told you,
I'm not in charge anymore.

Scram!

Augh!

This is it,
comrades!

You can almost hear
the sweet wings of victory--

[loud belch]

You idiot!

[Vladimir]
It would appear

we have some
interlopers.

[Jenny]
Back off, Legion of Dumb.

Forget the other brats.

att*ck pattern Omega Five!

splat!

[zapping]

[zapping]

Oh, no,
you don't.

Jenny
just saved our bacon.

We owe her.

By all means,
you save her.

If you don't help,

I'll tell everyone
that you made out with me.

And I'll say
I saw it.

Oh...

[zapping]

Hee-yah!

thud!

bonk!

Diamonds
are a girl's best friend.

Mudslinger,
get her!

Slinging mud
is so yesterday.

Meet Lintslinger.

Huh?

[screams]

splat!

It burns.
It bites!

It reeks!
[retches]

Brothers,
stop them!

[jackhammers pounding]

You're up, Jeremy.

Rock and roll!

[Hammer Brothers together]
Mamma mia!

Can't-ah see-ah!

Ball's in your court, Jenn.

Need any help?

No, thanks.

That was just the break
I needed.

They may have gotten my minions,
but they'll never get me.

Gee, you think so,
Scruffles?

Curses!

[Sheldon]
So you see,

that's how the pyramids were
built by ancient astronauts.

Now, who wants
punch and cookies?

Very good.

Now, mercifully,
our last presentation.

Our project
was inspired

by all of history's
inept villains.

We call it...

Disaster.

[teacher]
Hm, a strong Egyptian influence
with modern elements

like graffiti,
garish makeup, bodily wastes,

and pummeled villains

symbolizing the destruction
that ultimately befalls evil.

Well done.

Yes, well,
teamwork always pays off.

Unless your team's leader
is a rat.

How dare you!

Why, I ought to--

Relax, Brit.

I was talking
about Mr. Scruffles.

Oh, yes.
Of course.

Oh, Shelonius,
I gaze upon you with her,

and I know what a fool I was
to reject your proposal.

Oh, I do love you.

I've always loved you.

This is so romantic,
isn't it, Jenny?

[sighs]
What will it take for you
to realize that you love me?

It took jealousy
for me to realize I love you.

'Tis good enough
for me.

[whip cr*ck and horse neighs]

Whilst thou marry me,
Jennibel?

Oh, yes, yes.

A thousand times yes!

Jenny's
going to be my wife!

Yahoo!

Uh, Sheldon,
you've tried that already.

Mrs. Wakeman says Jenny
is not for sale.

Don't you usually show up
outside Jenny's window

to give her
unsolicited advice?

Ah, I'm
an equal-opportunity annoyer.

I'm not
trying to buy Jenny.

I've got a better plan.

You finally
going to give her

that doohickey
you've been working on all year?

Nah, gifts are old hat.

The thing that motivates
today's woman is jealousy.

[school bell ringing]

All right, ladies...

slurp!

Who's ready for the new
and improved Sheldon?

[terrifying music]

[girls screaming]

I'm a boy!
I'm a boy!

Nerd Be Gone,
do your stuff!

[aerosol can hissing]

Hear me out!

I just need ten seconds.

You got eight.

Okay, um,
would you go out with me?

[watch ticking]

I'm sorry.

I mean, would you pretend
to go out with me

to make Jenny jealous?

I'm sorry.

I mean, would you pretend
to go out with me

if I gave you $10 a day?

Ten dollars?

[laughs]

Um, you set the price?

Fine; we'll work out
the details at lunch...

behind the dumpsters.

Don't be late.

Great!

Hey, Brad,
have you seen Sheldon?

He's not
in his usual spot.

I won't be
playing the puppy dog today.

Okay, Fido,
here are the stripulations.

You mean
stipulations.

Yeah, whatever.

No kissing, no hugging,
no googly eyes.

You can touch my hand,

but each time,
it costs you a buck.

See,
that's five bucks.

I gotcha.

No, seriously,
give me five bucks.

Okay.

But you can't tell anyone,
or the jig is up.

Agreed, but commendments
to the agreement

are an extra 20 bucks.

You meanamendments.

Yeah, whatever.

The problem is that
if I don't tighten it,

my hearing sensor
gets all screwy.

Wow, you're right.

You definitely
have a screw loose.

Let me try.

No, no,
I'll just ask Sheldon.

He always
gets these for me.

I suppose I'm not
mechanically inclined enough.

What the--

[girl gasps]

Sheldon,
sitting with Pteresa?

Oh, he's probably helping her

with her science homework
or something.

[slurping]

What do you think
you're doing?

Waiting in the corner,
like you told me.

Pipe down.
This isn't about you.

If you must know,

the geek
is paying me big bucks.

[gasps]
Now,
why didn't we think of that?

Girl,
you are a genius.

Yes, I see
a whole new wardrobe

flashing
before my eyes.

Hey, there,
sweetie pie.

Hey, you take
the one in the closet.

This one is mine.

Over here,
baby love.

My Captain Crush
decoder ring

told me
this would be a fantastic day.

Okay, young photographers,

this is your first exposure

to nature photography.

Get it?
Exposure?

[chortles]

I slay myself.

He shaved an elf?

What did he say?

Hey, Sheldon,
could you help me with--

[camera shutter clicking]

Uh, I'll catch you
later.

[futuristic baroque music]

♪ ♪

[twinkling]

[woozy music]

♪ ♪

Oh, hey, Jenny.

I know
my hearing's been bad,

but are my eyes
malfunctioning too?

Nah, popular girls do go
for unpopular boys sometimes,

but they go for the Bradster
all the time.

What's happening,
hot stuff?

Ow!
"Wow" is right.

Oh, hi, Sheldon.

[Latin dance music]

You got a minute?

I know you've been busy,

but there's something
I've been wanting to ask you.

To go on a date
with you?

Too late.

I'm dating Pteresa.

She's my girlfriend.

[radio static]

We're going out!

Oh, yeah, I know.

Yes, well,
there's no need to be jealous.

I'm very happy for you.

Huh?

You hooked yourself
a popular girl,

spawned
an entire movement,

and inspired me.

I'm going to ask out
that popular guy Sebastian.

Oh, no--
no, no, no, no, no.

It's not as easy
as it looks.

Well,
you can show me.

We can go on a double date
tomorrow night.

You bring Pteresa,
and I'll bring Sebastian.

Yeah, but--
[stammering]

There he is.

I'm going to ask him
right now.

A double date?

No way you could afford that.

Oh, please?

If I don't pull this off,

my whole plan
will be for naught.

All for what?

You know, worthless,
like a bikini sale

on the ice planet
of Klandathor?

Trek Wars, volume nine,
episode 32.

I told you,
I don't speak geek.

Listen,
I'll pay you double.

Aren't you just about broke
by now?

Well, I might
need to sell a few things.

Excuse me,
young man.

What do you
call this contraption?

It's
a time travel device.

I spent nine years
developing the technology.

Hmm,
I'll give you twopence.

What?
Good day.

Sold!

Hmm, do I buy this
fully functional,

state-of-the-art,
L25 laser beam

or this action figure
holding a laser beam?

If I were my girlfriend,
which would I like?

If you were me,
you wouldn't be here.

Tell you what.

I'll give you
one whole pound for this

if you throw in

that Silver Shell outfit
hidden in your garage.

Get out of here!

[scampers]

Well, that's everything:

my inventions, my comic books,
my tools...

my pants...
even Jenny's gift,

and I'm still two bucks short.

Give you two bucks
for the shirt off your back.

Sold!

I really hope this works.

Got the cash?

Yeah, here you go.

So what's
with the clown suit?

Well, I sold all my clothing,
so--

[Jenny]
Hey, guys!

This is Sebastian.

[excited]
Oh, my gosh.
He's hot!

[sobbing]
Oh, my gosh.
He's hot.

So, Sheldon, tell me
how you two met.

Oh, we go way back.

Right, Pteresa?

It's pronouncedTeresa.

And we're regulars
at this restaurant.

Right, Alphonso?

It's Alfredo.

Could you play us
our song?

Which is?

It's, uh,
the theme fromTrek Wars.

Hey,
whatever works for you.

Light sword battle
or the scene from the cantina?

The scene
from the cantina.

Oh, brother.

[Alfredo plays peppy tune]

I'm sorry.

Could you
play a little louder?

Oh, this silly thing again?

Jenny and I
just met yesterday,

and I've already figured out
you're a robot,

so I got you
a robot flower.

I put in water
to keep it fresh.

[Sheldon gasps]

Oh, my gosh,

it's just
what I needed.

[radio static]

[radio frequencies shifting]

Oh, Sebastian,
I can totally hear better.

[traffic noise]

I can hear what's going on
down the street...

[children chatting]

and way over at Mezmer's...

[woman's voice]
But, sir,
wouldn't that be illegal?

And on Air Force One.

It's like
a supercharged transistor radio.

Thank you.

Where on Earth
did you get it?

Yeah, Sebastian,
where did you get it?

Uh, no place special.

You know, one of those
transitential radio shops.

I love those.

Can you
buy jewelry there too?

Oh, yeah,

everything you need for robots,
androids,

and even cute human girls.

[laughs]

Oh, I don't know.

It looks like something
you'd pick up at a garage sale.

Sheldon,
that's a mean thing to say.

It's not an insult.

You kind find a lot
of nice stuff at a garage sale!

You're just upset

because you've never given
anyone something so nice!

I give nice things
to my girlfriend all the time!

Yeah, I can tell
by the way you're acting

that you're a great date.

Are you kidding me?

I failed spelling too.

Admit it:
you're just jealous.

What are you
talking about?

Hey, I like me too.

Wow,
we have so much in common.

You are the jealous one.

What?

Why would I be jealous

when I have
a beautiful girlfriend

like Pteresa?

Pteresa?
Sebastian?

[gasps]

Pteresa!

Come back!

[together]
Happy birthday!

crash!

Can I still
make a wish?

Jenny?

Jenny!

I'm sorry, sir.

You cannot leave
with the clothing.

Oh...

Oh, it's totally ruined.

What's this?

"Manufactured with love
by Sheldon"?

So how exactly did
getting rid of everything

but your underwear
help you get Jenny?

Don't ask.

I can't believe

Sheldon made
such a beautiful gift for me.

He really is a sweet guy,

and I have missed
having him around lately.

I never thought of him
as boyfriend material,

but maybe Pteresa saw something
in him that I didn't.

[doorbell plays tune]

Hi, Sheldon.

Oh, hi,
Jenny.

Listen,
I came over to tell you--

Yeah, I know.

I am a big jerk.

I was so upset
that you wouldn't date me,

I acted like a total fool

and actually
paid Pteresa to...

[radio static]

[Sheldon's voice
drowned out by static]

Even if the entire earth

were flooded

with extraterrestrial
ectoplasmic excrement

and I lived in a tree,
I still couldn't date you!

So you date
one popular person,

and suddenly,
I'm not good enough for you.

Good enough for me?

What do you mean?

We had a chance?

Wait!
Come back!

[Pteresa]
Well, I have to say,

I've learned
my lesson.

Popular people
always win in the end.

[all laughing]

Oh, it's so funny.

Come on,
Sebastian Junior.

We got to bail your dad
out of jail again.

You should
have married Sheldon.

You'd be a billionaire
by now.

[laughing]

[zapping]

[rock music]

♪ ♪