02x20 - Perry 2.0

[bunniefuu]

[ Into microphone ]
Morning, germ sacks.

I know that you've
all been complaining

that the technology
around here isn't quite...

[ Microphone feedback ]

[Clears throat ]
Isn't quite...

[ Feedback continues ]

[ High pitch feedback,
students groan ]

State of the art.
[ Chuckles ]

So, thanks to yours truly,
we're getting

cutting-edge equipment
for the whole school to enjoy.

Jojo! Betty!
Let's go, ladies.

Wheel it like it's hot.

Behold! Mission creek high's
brand new media center!

I don't think you can
call it technology

if you have to change
the channel with pliers.

Why do I smell
formaldehyde?

'Cause I found it on a curb
outside the morgue.

I'm getting all my Christmas
presents there, too.

Aunt dotty's gettin' sheets!

How is this thing new?

New to you, lady-face.

Oh, terribly sorry
to trouble you,

but could you help
me find me locker?

I-I'm sorry,
I don't speak leprechaun.

But he is
fluent in doofus.

Oh, you're
right there at 324.

Brilliant.
Mm-hmm.

Oh! I'm alistair, by the way.

Foreign exchange student
from Ireland.

Oh. Nice to meet you,
alistair. I'm Bree,

and this is
my brother Adam.

I can show you around,
and he...

Can show you how to warm up
a sandwich in your armpit.

Mmm. But I'm warning you,

the cheese sticks
are gonna get messy.

Welcome to America.

Cheers.

Wait a second.
New kid?

From a foreign country?
Do you know what this means?

That you're not the only one
we'll have to speak slowly to?

[ Sighs ]

No. He's a bionic spy.

Well, think about it.

Marcus was the "new kid,"

and look what
happened with him.

We can't take any chances.

[ Sighs ] You hold him down,
I'll strip him for parts.

No! Adam,
you are overreacting.

Alistair seems
like a nice guy.

You know who also
seemed like a nice guy?

Marcus!

Alistair's a bionic spy,
and I'm gonna prove it.

Even if I have to learn
how to speak Ireland-ish.

Okay, let's fire up
the media center!

Okay, okay...

Minor setback.

For the record, you all look
much better in this light.

The world's first bionic
super-humans.

They're stronger than us,
faster, smarter.

The next generation
of the human race is...

Living in my basement?

♪♪

♪ lab rats ♪

♪ lab rats ♪

♪ Lab rats ♪

♪ lab rats ♪

♪ Lab rats ♪

Leo, read what's on
page 47 of your history book.

I don't have a page 47.

I have a four, a twelve,
a thirty-two,

and what I hope is gum
on ninety-eight.

This book is so old.

Listen to this.
Chapter four,

"horse-less carriages taking
over the streets of America."

Other schools teach
on laptops and tablets.

We're reading from
textbooks that warn us

the British are coming.

We need to do something
to bring mission creek high

to the 21st century.

Ooh,
maybe I can help.

[ Chase and Leo ]
No!

What? I am a genius tech mogul!

I could revolutionize
your whole school.

Why wouldn't
you want me to help?

Because every time
you try to help,

it starts in a good place,

but then your ego takes over
and ruins everything.

That is not true.
Give me one example.

Last week you gave me
a new backpack.

You said you needed a backpack.

A backpack...

Not this.

All the guys
in the office love theirs.

Trust me, they don't.

You don't get it.

This is our school
you're talking about.

Yeah, whatever disaster
you create there

will affect us every day.

Guys, I promise
I won't embarrass you.

This is about your school,
not about me.

Well, our school could
really use the help...

Fine. But you keep
that ego under control.

[ Scoffs ] Don't worry,
my ego is officially checked.

[ Phone ringing ]
♪ Davenport! Davenport!

♪ Somebody wants
to call Davenport! ♪

What? Come on,
that's just catchy.

Hey, guys! Check it out!

Electronic bulletin boards,
tablets instead of textbooks...

And this is the coolest part.

Check it out.
By the end of today

I will have fingerprint
scanners on all the lockers.

Yes!

We were gonna do
retinal scanning,

but it turns out eyeballs
are highly flammable.

[ Beeping ]

[ Automated voice ]
Hello, Leo dooley.

[ Chuckles ]

So, what do you think?

I think it's gonna be
a lot harder to get out of

when someone locks me inside.

Ah.

I gotta hand it to you,
Mr. Davenport.

This is amazing.

See? I told you
it would be great.

[ Robotic sounds ]

Oh, and I see you gave
principal Perry a makeover.

I especially love
what you did to her face.

Zip it, dooley.

That's not principal Perry.

That's robo Perry.

She's a robot!

And she's beautiful!

Make it stop!

Oh.

[ Sighs ]
Anyway, I designed robo Perry

so she could roam the halls,
handing out detentions while...

I'm on a three-hour
lunch break!

Or lurking elsewhere.

How could you do this?

Simple.

I, uh, took
the foundations of a robot

I built for private security
and I repurposed the software.

And then, of course,
I matched her vocal pattern.

It wasn't easy
matching the sounds

of a gravel truck unloading
with a bear in labor,

but I got it.

I always wanted
a super cute twin sister.

[ Gasps ] I'm gonna buy
us matching bikinis.

And I'm gonna gouge
my eyes out.

Both:
Shut it, dooley!

Thanks, Don!

H-hey... yeah,
you're welcome. Yeah.

Why would you
make another Perry?

Principal Perry said
if I make her life easier,

she's gonna name a wing
of the school after me.

You sold us out just to have
your name above a doorway?

Once again, your ego takes
over and ruins everything.

Hey. If my name on this school
brings more prestige and funding

because I'm so awesome,
that's a win-win-win.

That's three wins!
That's a daven-win!

Oh, hey, Adam.
Toss me my water bottle.

Wow!

I believe this is yours.

How'd you grab that so fast?

Yeah!
How'd you do that?

Must be me quick reflexes.

[ Mouthing ]

Or maybe it's just
the luck of the Irish!

No? Not... not
digging the Irish?

I, I can do American?

[In American accent ]
I like pick-up trucks,

spring break,
and extra-large portions.

Yee-haw!

W-wait, what happened
to your accent?

Pretty cool, huh?

It's one of me
special abilities.

I can sound like
almost anybody.

French, German. Russian!

[In Russian accent] It is a
pleasure to be in your country.

Wow. That's pretty impressive.

[ New York accent ] There's plenty
more where that came from, sweetheart.

Hey, some day,
and that day may never come,

maybe you'll do
an impression for me, yeah?

Did you hear that?
He said "special abilities."

I know.

And that accent thing

was just like
my vocal manipulation!

Yeah!
[ Sighs ]

But your old Italian guy's
way better than his.

Keep it up, chip Parker,

and you will be
in detention forever you...

Searching-database-
for-insult...

Mouth-breather.

Great. Everybody
at school hates us.

Yeah, but now it's
high-tech hate.

Hey, how come you guys aren't
eating in the davenporteria?

Funny thing.

When your dad creates an even worse
version of the worst principal ever,

kids tend to turn on you.

Look, don't worry.

I'm sure this will
all blow over

once kids get
used to robo Perry.

Remember when
you first met Leo?

You couldn't stand him.

Donny d.!

Principal p.!

Oh! Boo!

Old people.

You don't think you are,
but you are.

You are a genius.

And you are a master
of the obvious.

[ Both laughing ]

Cheers!
[ Sighs ]

Robo Perry is amazing.

I know it's only been
a few days but...

[ Inhales ]
Do you smell that?

[ Sniffing ]
Moist cat food?

I was running late,
I grabbed a can.

I thought it was tuna!
Live with it!

Fear. It's fear.

And it's everywhere.

It's the best smell
in the world.

I prefer crisply-minted
hundreds,

but whatever floats
your boat, Perry b*mb.

Listen, I was telling
the superintendent

how wonderful
robo Perry is,

and he's bringing the entire
school board by this afternoon

to check her out.

Soon, if we're lucky,
there'll be a robo Perry

in every school
in the district.

And, after that,
every school in America!

[ Chuckles ]
Oh-ho-ho!

Great. Now kids we've
never met will hate us.

Donald Davenport,
the children's savior.

I'm gonna make
so much money.

[ Both laughing ]

And as your partner,

I'll be happy
to give you 30%.

Well, I think you're forgetting
who created this work of genius.

Well, I think you're forgetting
who's putting the deal together.

Hmm.

Why don't we go discuss
this in my office?

I think a lot more clearly
in my butt-massaging chair.

I'm sorry, I blacked out
after the word "chair."

Okay. Before we do
anything drastic,

we need proof that
alistair's a bionic spy.

Right.

Go into mission mode.

Okay, I'll interrogate him
and see if he slips up,

but we have to be subtle.
So, let me handle this.

Right.
Go into subtle mode.

So, alistair.

What brings you to America?

Well, it's a beautiful country
and the people are...

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Just having a little lunch.

You know, recharging
me batteries.

Oh, so you run on batteries now?

What's your game, mister?

Maybe I should
just take me chips and go.

Chips, huh?
And what chips would those be?

The bionic chip in your head?

Where are you going?
Are you scared?

You should be,
'cause we're onto you!

Be honest,
was that too subtle?

[ Sighs ]

Okay, coast is clear,
everyone's in class,

and robo Perry is charging.

I just need to find out

where Mr. Davenport
put her control panel.

Hundreds, hundreds
of places to choose from

and he puts it there.

Have fun.

She's a robot.
How does she sweat?

[ Sighs ]
There we go.

Instead of seeing robo Perry
patrolling the halls,

the school board
will see this...

[ Music plays ]

[ Davenport screams ]

What did you guys do to her?

Tapped into her control panel
and adjusted the settings.

You messed with us,
now it's payback time.

N-no... no! Robo Perry's original
programming was for m*llitary patrol.

If any unauthorized
user tampers with it,

it resets to its
factory default.

So reset her date and time.
Big deal.

The factory default is,
"search and destroy."

Now it's locked in
and I can't stop it!

thr*at detected.

Ahh!
Destroy.

Ahh!

[ Crashing sound ]

Now, that's what
you call a daven-splat.

Out of my way,
space-wasters.

We've got to stop her before
she destroys the whole school.

I think we can
divert her attention

and lure her into
that empty classroom.

We just need some bait.

Me? Why me?

Well, because you're...

You are...

Brave?

Both:
Brave.

Hmm?
Yep.

All right, I'll do it.

[ Softly ]
Hey, robo Perry, over...

Oh, get over there!

Hey, over here,
buds and bolts!

Tiny thr*at detected.

Okay, I am too big to be tiny,
and too tiny to be a thr*at.

Ahh!

[ Indistinct yelling ]

[ Leo yells, loud bang ]

Ooh!
[ Leo yells ]

[ Both groan, Leo screams ]

Aim for the bolts!

[ Grunts, panting ]

Leo, are you okay?

Boys, I've seen some things.

Since your "subtle"
interrogation failed,

I think it's time we try
a different tactic.

Or we could do exactly
what we did before

and hope for
a different result.

No, I'm talking about
a friendly game of dodgeball.

Oh.

If alistair is bionic,

his instinctive reflexes
will automatically kick in.

Okay. But if it doesn't work,

he and I are gonna play a little
game called truth or wedgie.

Hey, alistair!

Oh, hello, guys.

Bree and I want
to introduce you

to a great American game
called dodgeball.

Oh, that sounds lovely.
How do you...

[ Grunts ]

Play?

[ Groans ]

You're doing great,
buddy!

Hey, Adam. Those don't
look like bionic reflexes.

Oh, but that's because
he knows we suspect him,

so he's hiding them.
This guy is good.

Ahh!

You know, it's a good thing
this guy is bionic,

or this would really hurt.

Oh!

How could you guys
do this to me?

We had to.
You doubled the Perry,

which doubled our pain!

Pain? You don't know pain!

I am a damaged little boy.

[ Robotic sounds ]

Look, maybe
you guys are right.

From now on, I will not let
my ego get the better of me.

Which shouldn't be hard,

because I am so awesome
at everything.

Here's where I work
with my students...

Oh, great.
The school board.

This demonstration will show
that mission creek high

is the school of the future.

And there's the man who's


Donald Davenport.

[ Chuckling ]
Principal Perry!

What's the word, Donny bird?

[ Both laughing ]

Uh, where's robo me?

Uh, she is, uh, supervising
a parent-teacher conference.

Oh.

[ Loud banging ]

It's not going well.

Well, get that beautiful hunk
of metal out here.

I want to show her off.

Oh, why don't we
just stay out here

and look at that big,
beautiful hunk of... you?

[ Robo Perry grunts ]

Ahh!

There she is!
Come give your sissy a kissy.

thr*at detected.

thr*at? I'm no thr*at.

What are you...
What are you talking about?

Destroy! Destroy!

Destroy me?
Oh, honey, many have tried.

I don't think so.

[ Grunting ]

All right, I don't know
what's going on,

but you are going down,
metal me!

No, you are going down,
fleshy me.

[ Perry screams ]

We're not getting
much of an education,

but where else
can you see this?

We've been torturing
this kid all day.

Maybe he's not bionic.

Oh, Bree,
this is America.

He is guilty until
proven innocent.

One last test.

Alistair! Buddy!

You wanna hang with Bree and me?

It'll be fun.

You know, maybe
it's a cultural thing,

but my idea of fun involves
a lot fewer bruises.

Oh, ally.

Look, if you don't want
people to stop picking on you,

you should probably
pump some iron.

Oh, no, I'm good, rea...

No, I really
think you should.

No. To be honest,

I'm not much
of a weightlifter.

Oh, come on!
You can do it.

But, you know,
I got some studying to do,

and I really should just be...

Stop arguing with me
and just do it!

[ High-pitched scream ]

Adam?

What?

Oh!

Do you think he saw?

Don! What's going on?

I don't think I can
hold her much longer.

She's strong.

You must have given her some
of my unbridled rage.

Ahh!

[ Loud crash ]

Careful.

Principal Perry!

Principal Perry,
you have to help me!

Adam and... [ Gasps, screams ]

[ Groaning ]

Oh! Now, she knows
how to lift.

I see stars and yellow moons
and green clovers.

Well, that settles that.

He's definitely not bionic.

Yep. But "leprechaun"
is still on the table.

Mr. Davenport, how are we
gonna stop robo Perry?

We don't have a choice. You're
gonna have to use your bionics.

You want us to expose ourselves
in front of the school board?

No, he wants us to use our bionics
in front of the school board.

This guy!

No. Look, we have
to do something!

Robo Perry is gonna
destroy the entire school!

Just do it!

Ahh!

Adam:
Oh!

There can be only one!

Still one too many.

Hey, alistair.

Uh, look, about yesterday,
with the weight rack...

To be honest, I can't really
remember much about yesterday.

Wh... you can't?

No. I knocked me noggin somehow.

Everything after
dodgeball's just a blur.

Speaking of dodgeball...

I've been practicing.

I even put a team together.

All foreign exchange students.

Bree: Oh.

Lads, Lasses,
show 'em what you got.

As you Americans like to say...

[ American accent ]
You just got schooled, playas!

Holla!