04x01 - Raven, Sydney and the Man

[bunniefuu]

And that's how
whales communicate.

You are very... Whalecome.

Get it?

Whale-come?

Yes, we get it.

Thank you so much, Chelsea,

for that fascinating
presentation.

Who knew whales were so chatty?

Our next hobby time volunteer

is Raven Baxter.

All right.

Thank you, thank you.

Hey, hey, littles.

How y'all doin' today? Ok.

Well, my hobby is the coolest,

because I design my own clothes.

Bor-ing!

Well, aren't you a cute
little ray of sunshine.

Um, what's your name?

Raven, this is Sydney,

and she's going to behave now.

Ok, who would like to learn

how to make their own clothes?

There's a new invention, lady.

It's called the store.

Rae, I know you ain't gonna let
these little kids get on you like...

No, no. You know I
ain't. You know I ain't.

Listen, Sydney, I got a
new invention for you, too.

And, uh, yeah, it's
called a... ahem...

A be quiet machine. Bam.

You should've
bought a joke machine,

'cause you ain't funny.

Let's go.

♪ If you could gaze
into the future ♪

♪ future, future ♪

♪ you might think life
would be a breeze ♪

♪ life is a breeze ♪

♪ seeing trouble
from a distance ♪

♪ yeah ♪ go, Rae!

♪ But it's not that easy ♪
♪ oh, no ♪

♪ I try to save the situation ♪

♪ then I end up misbehavin' ♪

♪ ohh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ hey, now, say now ♪

♪ 'bout to put it down, yeah ♪

♪ come on and ride
with the break now ♪

♪ and the future
looks great now ♪

♪ and everything's
gonna change now ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious to me ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's the future I can see ♪

♪ that's so Raven ♪

♪ it's so mysterious
to me, yeah ♪

yep, that's me.

♪ If you wanna learn to rap and
you think you're really ready ♪

♪ join the happy rappin' class
and don't forget my name is... ♪

Eddie!

See, y'all bustin'
rhymes already!

Ha ha ha! Spaghetti.

Ha ha ha!

Thank you, Eddie.

♪ That presentizzle
was off the hizzle ♪

you got it.

Kinda.

Oh, and thank you,
Chelsea, and Raven,

for your wonderful
presentations.

And now, boys and girls,

it's hobby club sign-up time.

You can join Eddie's
happenin' rappin' club...

that's what's up.

Chelsea's whale
appreciation club...

and last but not least,

Raven's fashion club.

Yes. I am gonna teach you

everything I know about fashion.

That shouldn't take long.

Sydney, that's enough.

Ok, kids,

the sign-up sheets
are on the wall.

Oh, this was so helpful.

We are so short on
money and equipment,

I cannot thank you guys
enough for volunteering.

Ok, let's see who signed up.

Chelsea, nice response.

Eddie, you've got a good group.

And Raven... eew.

What, eew?

It looks like you only
have one sign-up.

Oh, that can't be
right. Check the back.

Well... No, just one.

Well, which one?

Uh... That one.

Oh, snap!

Thanks, Cory. My dad said

I can leave my presents in here.

Yeah, no problem, man.

Hey, this bar mitzvah
party is off the hook, man.

The music is great,
the food is slammin',

and I love that statue
of you in chopped liver.

My uncle ira's like the
Michelangelo of chopped liver.

Yeah.

Hey, man, I don't
want to bum you out,

but there's a lot of
people out there, and...

You didn't get that
many presents.

That's because at a bar mitzvah

most people give money.

That's all... Money?

You get paid for
just turning 13?

Well, it's more than that.
It's a spiritual journey.

In the Jewish religion,
when you turn 13,

you become a man.

Yeah.

A rich man.

Son, you can't
have a bar mitzvah.

Why not?

For one thing,
you're not Jewish.

All right, I'll give you that,

but, hey, I'm
turning 13 next week

and I want to throw a party.

You told me you were too old

to have a birthday party.

See, this isn't just a
regular birthday party.

You should have seen
Larry's bar mitzvah.

He had all his family
and friends there

to witness him becoming a man.

It was a very
moving and beautiful

spiritual journey.

Son, I see your point,

but you still can't
have a bar mitzvah.

Wh-what if I call
it... A bro mitzvah?

A bro mitzvah?

Well, that does
sound kinda cool.

Ha ha.

And 13 is a very
important birthday.

Very important.
What do you say, dad?

Hey, we can throw
it at the chill grill

and I'll take care
of all the details.

Well... sounds like you
really are becoming a man.

Ok, we're gonna throw you a...

Bro mitzvah.

Yes!

Thank you, dad. Thank you.

Ha ha.

And trust me,

it's gonna be very rewarding.

Cha-ching! Ha ha!

That little nasty,
keeping me waiting.

Sydney, you are late!

Not late enough.

You're still here. Ha!

Are you just here
to make fun of me?

No. I'm gonna make
fun of your hair, too.

You know what?
That was just mean.

No, wait.

I really like your hair.

They why are you clowning?

I don't know.

'Cause it's funny?

It's not funny when
someone's feelings get hurt.

Besides, a lot of people
worked hard on my hair.

Ha ha ha!

See? Good one, huh?

Not bad.

I could use that in my act.

You have an act?

Well, you know,
I'm workin' on it.

I'm gonna be a comedian one day.

Really? A comedian? So
you like to make people laugh.

Well, don't you think you can
do that without insulting people?

I don't know if I can do that.

I bet you can.

You just have to think about...

Stuff that's funny in your life.

Ok, ok. What happened
to you in school today?

School, girl? Don't
get me started!

What?!

Second grade ain't no joke.

Man, I miss kindergarten.

Big pencils, long naps,

all the paste you can eat!

If they didn't
want us to eat it,

why do they make
it smell so good?

I don't know why
they did. I don't know.

But I used to eat the
paste. It was great.

I loved it. Ha ha!

See? It's funny
'cause it's true.

You know what?

You could be a famous
comedian one day.

Hey, son, how's that
spiritual journey coming?

What?

Oh, right, right,
right, the journey?

Yes. It is taking
me right to the bank.

Uh... brink.

Just m*nled it.

And now I know why
they call it a seesaw.

I'm so saw, I can't even see it.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I don't even know
what you're talkin' about

and I am crackin' up.

Hey, dad, Cory,

check out my new friend Sydney.

You like our outfits?

Bam! Bam!

Raven helped me make it.

Oh, yes, I did! My, yes, I did.

Well, it's a pleasure to
finally meet you, Sydney.

You know, Raven told me
everything you say is hilarious.

Thanks. Y'all got a bathroom?

Now, that's funny.

Ha ha.

No, seriously, y'all,
I really gotta go.

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!

Through there to your right.

What a sweet little cutie.

Yeah! She was a
little nasty, little nasty

before I became her role model.

Ha ha ha!

Actually, we've really
been making a breakthrough

with this comedy thing.

I've been helping her
write some of her jokes.

Yeah. You?

Yeah! Ha ha! You've
been writing jokes?

You're not funny.

Hey! Hey!

Yes, I am.

Ok, ok.

Name one funny
thing you've ever done.

The Turkey leg.

Thanksgiving. Remember?

Ha ha! Remember? I was
singing into it like a microphone?

♪ Do ya like it? Do me proud ♪

♪ do ya like it? Do me proud ♪

Ha ha ha! Remember?

No, no. That was not funny.

You had to be there.

I was there.

You know what? This
is not even about me.

The point is,

is that we are really making
a breakthrough with Sydney,

and I think it would
be a good thing

if she did some of
her jokes at your party.

No, no, no, no. I cannot
afford entertainment.

She's hired. She's free.

Hey, what you all talkin' about?

Actually, we were
talking about you.

How would you like to do some
of your jokes at Cory's party?

Really?

Yeah! You could be performing

in front of all our
friends and relatives.

They're gonna love you.

You'll feel like
part of the family.

Family? You mean
there's more of you?

I guess the circus
has come to town.

Wait a minute.

That's not even funny.

I thought you were
gonna be nice.

You can be nice by yourself.

I'm outta here!

Sydney!

Oh, man, she's
gonna make me run.

Have you guys seen Sydney?

No, haven't seen her.

I saw her come
into the building.

She has to be in here somewhere.

Well, what happened?

I don't even know.

Everything was
cool until I told her

she could tell jokes at
my brother's bro mitzvah.

Well, you know,

maybe she doesn't
speak, uh, hebro.

Or maybe she just
has stage fright, Rae.

I don't even know.

However, I'm sure
it not the hebro thing.

Dude, that was so funny.

But all of a sudden she
turned back into a little nasty.

I don't know what
to do, you guys.

What part of "leave me
alone" don't you understand?

Now I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm done with that kid.

Why? What'd you see?

She's gonna slam the
playhouse door in my face.

Well, Rae, it's just
a cardboard door.

But it still hurts, Chelse.

I give up.

You can't get
through to these kids.

It's hobby time!

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!

Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea!

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie!

Eddie...

Enjoy it now, 'cause
they gonna turn on you.

I'm gonna leave
before it gets ugly.

Uh, excuse me, can I
have your attention, please?

I really want to thank
everybody for coming out

to help Cory celebrate
his special day.

And now, without
any further ado,

the man himself, Cory Baxter.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I'm glad
you could all be here

for this... this deeply
spiritual occasion.

Yes, I'd like to
take this opportunity

to thank you all in advance

for your overly
generous gifts. Ha ha!

Especially you, uncle Steve!

You hear that, cousin Ralph?

Thank you, and enjoy the
party, everyone. All right?

Thank you.

Take it, Phil.

You know, I am starting to think

that Cory is only in
this for the money.

Ya think?

Hey, hey. Y'all are late.

I got stuck down at
the community center.

Your vision was right, Rae.

Sydney's stuck in the playhouse.

Miss Valentine can't
get her to come out.

Yeah. She's even gonna
have to call her foster parents.

Foster parents?

Yeah. Her real parents
aren't around anymore.

Yeah. And miss Valentine
said that Sydney's been

bounced around from
family to family to family.

The kid's had a
pretty tough time of it.

I guess it didn't help that
I gave up on her, huh?

Aw, man, now, this girl's

about to make me run again.

You better run, then, girl.

Sydney, please come out.

Oh, Raven. Sydney, Raven's here.

Tell her I moved!

Could I just have a
few minutes with her?

Oh, good luck.

I'll be right in the
hall if you need me.

Peace out. Ow!

I gotta stop doing that.

Sydney.

Leave me alone!

Sydney, if I did anything
to make you angry,

I am truly sorry.

What part of "leave me
alone" don't you understand?

Sydney, now, if you don't
come out, I am coming in!

Sydney!

All right, girl, I'm
coming after you.

Sydney!

Sydney!

I'm too big for this, Sydney!

Sydney? Where'd you go?

Sydney!

Sydney, come
on, we have to talk.

No, we don't.

Yes, we do.

I have to talk to
you, Sydney. I can't...

Sydney? Sydney? Sydney!

Sydney!

Sydney, listen.

I'm sorry if I put
you on the spot. Ok?

But you don't have to perform
at my brother's bro mitzvah

if you don't want to.

It's not that.

Then what is it?

Forget it. You don't care.

Do you really believe that?

Yeah.

No.

I don't know.

Of course I care.

Ok? I wouldn't have...

Let you meet my
family if I didn't.

Who said I wanted to meet them?

Well, don't you like
to meet new people?

No.

Why not?

Because as soon as
you get to like them...

You... you have to leave.

And you never see them again.

Has that happened
to you, Sydney?

Well...

That's not gonna happen with us.

How do you know?

You just have to trust me.

I don't know.

Hey, you guys.

Oh, hi.

How's everything going
with Sydney? Is it cool?

Yeah. I got her out
of the playhouse,

but I don't know if she's
ever gonna trust me again.

Oh, there you are. Ok,

where's my free
entertainment? It's showtime.

I don't think she's coming.

She had a really rough day.

Huh? I was counting
on the laughter

to put our guests
in a "giving" mood.

You know what? I
promised you a comic,

and a comic is what
you're gonna get.

Yeah. Uh, excuse me. Ha ha.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm gonna tell some jokes.

I told you, you're not funny.

Watch and laugh, little bro, ok?

Thank you.

Excuse me, you guys!

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hello, everybody! Hi!

What is up?! I am Raven Baxter.

The owner's gotta be nice to me.

Ok? Ha ha ha!

Where's my light at? Bam!

Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Thank you. Y'all want
to hear some jokes?

Yes, you do. You know you do.

Y'all got any?

That was a joke, y'all.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ok.

So there was a bear,
a rabbit, and a turtle,

and they were walking
through the woods,

and the bear was, like, yo,
let's go get something to eat.

So the bear and the turtle
were, like, yeah, for sure,

we'll go get something to eat.
That's no problem at all, right?

So they went to the
restaurant and they

asked the waiter can
they get some soup?

The waiter said, "what
kind of soup do you want?"

And the bear says,
"some turtle soup."

But the turtle says, "wait, man,
why you gotta have turtle soup?"

So then they were, like,
"there is a hare up in my soup."

You get it?

You get it?

It cracked me up.

H-a-r-e. Oh,
that's funny, y'all.

He's laughin' with me.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

What up, Cory? Hey, come
back, y'all. I ain't finished with you.

I haven't finished... y'all...

Um, Cory... Dad, did you know

that your side of
the family's gifts

are 40% below projection?

Larry, could you
please explain to Cory

what the meaning of
a bar mitzvah really is?

Sure.

Now.

Oh. Well... According
to Jewish law,

when a boy turns 13,

he becomes a bar mitzvah.

Which actually means
son of the commandment.

So, it's not about just throwing
a party and getting gifts.

No. I had to do
a lot of studying.

Learn to read and
write in Hebrew,

recite prayers,

and also do a lot of
thinking about my life

and the kind of
person I want to be.

So what did you come up with?

Well... I think part
of becoming a man

means it's time for me to
start taking more responsibility

for my actions.

Nice.

Anything else?

Girls.

I'd like to start dating

and, you know, calling
'em up on the phone.

You see that, Cory?

Larry's not a man because
he said so and he threw a party.

Larry's a man because
he started to act like one.

Yeah.

Are you disappointed in me, dad?

Well... Yeah.

Throwing this party
to get this money

is something I
would expect from...

Cory the boy.

Yeah.

I guess you expected
more from Cory the man.

Perhaps Cory the man

should expect more from himself.

O Turkey leg, o Turkey leg,

wherefore art thou, Turkey leg?

You are in my
stomach, Turkey leg.

Yes, you are.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, Turkey! Stuff it!

Who's sayin' that?

You don't know nothin'
about no comedy.

I know you're dyin' up there.

So, I got some
food. You ain't eatin'.

Oh, I am so glad you came!

Ok, everybody, I'm stopping now!

Get off the stage!

You know what? That is wrong!

That is so wrong.
Y'all are family.

Y'all ain't gettin' none
of this Turkey leg, either.

Everybody, my friend Sydney.

Hook it up.

How y'all doin'?

Yeah!

My name is Sydney,
and, yes, I'm a girl.

I have been at school all day.

You got math, you
got social studies,

you got boys.

You know the ones I mean...

The little ones that
smell like cookies and dirt.

So after everything
we discussed,

it's still only about the money.

Oh, yeah. I got some
big plans for this dough.

Like what? A flat-screen TV

and a new entertainment system?

Oh, way better than that.

Oh, look at all these toys.

It's like Christmas, y'all.

Yeah. You even
got a new playhouse.

Sorry about the last one, y'all.

Yeah, but who
bought all this stuff?

I don't know.

Uh, the card just
says, "from the man."

Well, let's give
it up for the man.