01x05 - I'm Not a Bitch

[bunniefuu]

.

- Previously
on vanderpump rules...

- Go make a life for yourself.
You don't have me.

- Jax is a cheating, lying,
stealing piece of [bleep].

- Jax got a [bleep]
girl pregnant.

What I want to know though--
so if you've known this

For two months,
why didn't you tell her?

- All frank wanted to do
was get in your pants.

- A lot of people want to.

- The night is still young.

- The party's here.
- Oh!

- How dare you ruin
my birthday like this?

- Dude, what are
you trying to prove?

- You're a pawn.
You're a shoulder to cry on.

- Let's talk about it.
- Frank, homie, come on.

- You want to go,
mother[bleep]?

You want to go?
Let's go.

- You guys claim to be,
like, my best friends,

Yet you were the two that have
made me so g*dd*mn depressed.

- I can't ask you not
to schedule me with stassi--

If jax and frank
can't get it together

In somebody else's restaurant,
they're not going to come back

And work in mine,
so one of them will go.

[pop music]

- ♪ you know

♪ that it's our time

♪ these are the best days

♪ of our lives

♪ just raise
your glasses high ♪

♪ this one's
for you tonight ♪

- Rosia, let's put the
sandwiches on this tiered tray.

Do you remember
the last tea party?

Remember what
a success that was?

- If you can't be my friend,
just please don't be my enemy.

Because my life
is tough enough as it is.

- Guys, you ready?
You up to speed?

So we're gonna have
cucumber martini.

Make sure the bar is fine
and we'll serve them tea.

So just, you know, sweeten up
for these ladies.

Use your charm--what's wrong?
Put a smile on your face?

- I don't--
no, I'm listening.

- Listen, I've heard that a lot
of stuff went down this weekend.

So I need to talk
to you alone.

- No. No. Yeah.
- Save it. Save it.

I want this
between you and I.

- Darling, go sort
out the bar, okay?

I can't be privy
to everything that goes on

In their personal lives.

However, when they went
collectively to vegas,

They were representing sur.

Oh, sit down.

So what I'm not okay with
is the fact that they got into

A physical altercation.

Why did you go to vegas
if frank went with stassi?

I wanted to go.
I already made a date.

- No. That's not--you know.

- Like, I got into a fight--
- where was this?

- We were at a place
in vegas.

Went for dinner
for stassi's birthday.

- So you were in somebody else's
restaurant and it got physical

- It got physical
outside the restaurant.

- I'm so disappointed.

- I'm disappointed in myself.

I mean, I let myself
become some kind of--

- All of the sur staff
was in this restaurant.

It gets back to me
that you end up in fisticuffs.

You end up being
physical with each other.

- Like I said,
it was a mistake.

This is never
gonna happen again.

I'm not--this is my--
I like my job a lot.

I really, really do.
- How can you work with frank?

- He works in the lounge,
I work in the restaurant.

We never see each other.
- I know where you work.

But you're 30 foot
from each other.

- We don't see each other,
and at the same time,

We do our job
and we go home.

We both have bills to pay.
We both have apartments.

We both--you know, I just moved
into a brand-new place myself.

I mean, we need our jobs.
We do. We can't have this.

- And so what about stassi?
- See this is my girlfriend of--

- It's not your
girlfriend anymore.

Clearly
it's frank's girlfriend.

I mean, to go to vegas,
you must be out of your mind.

You okay?

Not good.

- I don't want
to talk about it.

- You're not good.
You okay to work here?

- I mean, yeah, I'm fine.

I'm good, I just--
I can't talk about it anymore.

- Okay.
- I'm so...

Emotionally drained and all.

I can't talk about it.

I mean, I love her.
And so, it's--

- You still love her?
- Of course.

- But she's left you
for somebody else.

But I-I did this.
I took her for granted.

- Okay, you need to work that
out between yourselves.

What I'm worried about is
the dynamic at the restaurant.

I've got ten people coming over
for tea.

Trust me, I've got my own
problems to deal with here.

- I know, I know.
I-I know.

- We're gonna have
a staff meeting

As soon as possible,
because the way everybody's

Behaving lately, I can't run
a business like that.

- Okay.
- All right.

- All right.
- Okay, let's do it.

- Okay.

It's like--it's like, nobody
leaves me alone about this.

Oh, you know?
Like, dude,

It's, like, so much [bleep]
I didn't want to hear.

She's like, "well, I'm gonna
call a mandatory

All-staff meeting," which--
- if--if--

You know how uncomfortable
that staff meeting's gonna be?

I-I mean it's just like--
- well, I don't assume

It's gonna be hugs and kisses.
- It's not--yeah.

- You know it's gonna be bad.
- Exactly.

- All right.
- Oh, my god.

- I got these
new 5-inch heels, so...

- Beauty is pain.
- I'm sore.

- The ones you're wearing
right now?

- Yeah.
- My mom lives 60 miles away

From l.A., but we are, like,
really, really close.

My mom and I
are exactly alike.

We're both dramatic,
we're sensitive,

But we're little princesses.

- It's hot.
- I know, it is really hot.

I want a glass of wine
really bad.

- Water.
- Yeah.

- And a fan.

- You're just as batty as me.

[laughter]

So, you missed
an exciting weekend.

The dumbass friggin' showed up
at my birthday.

Literally,
I had dis-invited him.

With frank staying with me,
there was this giant--

- Frank was staying with you?

- Yeah.
- Stassi.

- Mom, we've been, like--
become really, really close.

- Right, I didn't realize
you were that close.

- Well, we are.

The worst part is is that, like,
kristen and katie,

Who are supposed
to be my best friends,

Knowing what I just went
through, finding out

He knocked a p*rn star up
two months ago,

And they literally
are so against frank.

It infuriates me
that katie and kristen

Have even one bad thing

To say about him,
'cause they say it's too soon.

I'm like, jax knocked somebody
up two months ago.

I really don't think
it's too soon.

- How can they possibly
defend him after that?

Do they not believe that he--
- they don't believe it.

- [sighs]
I knew he wasn't right for you,

All this time.


couldn't hold down a job,

Didn't want a job,
was lazy.

Note to self,
don't pick cheaters.

- Mom, I don't know
that I'm picking cheaters.

I obviously wouldn't mean
to pick cheaters.

- Well, somebody deceived you.
You can't help that.

- ♪ everything goes here

♪ everything goes here

♪ for a night

- So there's, like,
that area over there that,

If we want to, like,

Choreograph a dance
or something, we can.

And then the studio's
over here.

Tina is headlining a show
at the roxy theatre,

And she has asked me
to open up for her.

It's a big deal, so I have
a couple of my girlfriends

That are gonna help me
be backup singers and dancers.

Tina gave me some
of these flyers.

- Those are so cute.
- You wanna--

- We're in the show!
- My name's on the back!

- Who's that?
- That's tina.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Tina and I have been friends
since we both

Started working at villa blanca.

She's an amazing singer,

And she's fronted all of this
money just to have us perform

At this amazing venue.

Main stage!

I was thinking of having the
girls, like, a little behind me.

Myself in the middle
of the stage, like,

Nothing too intense,

Because I'm already
gonna be singing live

On a huge stage...

- Sure.
- For the first time.

I don't want
to overwhelm myself.

- It's your coming out party,

Uh, you know, I would really
make it, you know,

As good of a show as possible.

- Well, we all used
to be cheerleaders,

So I think...
- Yeah.

- We'll be able to put on
a good performance.

- I just feel like
it's gonna come up so fast.

- It is.
- I'm freaking out.

- And that's why
we need to get to work.

- Ready, ladies?
All: Yes.

- One, two, three, four.
[dance music]

- ♪ what I need, what I want,
want to see ♪

♪ I like it when it's nice

All: ♪ make me feel the need

♪ that's what I want

♪ bring me to my knees

♪ that's how I like it,
I want you to see ♪

♪ I can't feed this appetite
without your love ♪

- [laughs]
oh, I think I sold that.

- It's just so hard to sing it
all the way through.

- If it's not locked on,
it's gonna sound bad.

- Right.
- So the key is,

You have to learn it
and really perfect it.

- Could we, like,
auto-tune my microphone?

- You really don't have
a lot of time to practice.

You know, start being sexy,
start dancing a little bit.

- I mean, roxy, main stage.
Like, that's huge.

- It's really big.

- It's because that stage
is so big...

- Yeah.

- If you're
not doing something...

- My god, it's huge.
- It's gonna swallow you.

If you sit there in the middle

And just do some moves
like this,

It's gonna look ridiculous.

[rock music]

- ♪ you told me lies

♪ what are you hiding from?

♪ I hope you realize

- Hello, ladies.
How are you?

This is on guillermo.
- Thank you.

- How are you this evening?
Everything good?

- Very well.
- Well, it's Tuesday night.

Are you staying for after?
For the lounge night?

Yeah, you ever been?

Yeah, I think I might head--

Actually, I'm gonna
get off early tonight.

I think I might
go over there too.

Yeah, it's a lot--
a lot of good dancing.

Enjoy.

Pretty.
Very pretty.

Uh-oh, the peter--
the peter way of bartending,

Sure get the stuff everywhere.

- You know, I heard some
interesting, uh--

An interesting new development.

- What?

- That you hooked up with a--
a girl from sur.

- I've heard a lot of stories,

And today, I want to hear
the truth.

- You know, I heard some
interesting new development.

- That you hooked up with a--
a girl from sur.

I knew who it was...
[snaps] like, right away.

- Okay, so, anyway--

- Especially from,
like, body language.

- Okay, okay.
- It's laura-leigh.

- Yeah.
[laughter]

I tried to avoid it.
- All right.

That's the way I see it.

- This wasn't supposed
to happen.

And then we went for a hike,
and then we went to get dinner,

And then we went
to go see a movie,

And then we got breakfast,
and then we got, you know--

It was just--
- ugh.

- I just get along with her
and I like her company,

And we like each other.

- Are you considering laura
like a, um--

Is she, like, a rebound or--

- No! No, absolutely not.
- Well...

I don't know who said something,
but stassi knows now.

- I really don't get it.
I wish everyone would just

Kind of worry about themselves
and move on.

Again, it's a restaurant.
It's do your job and go home.

You know, if I want to go out
and flirt or, whatever,

Talk to the girls,
I have the right to do that.

- Hey.
- Yeah.

- I saw you talking
to those girls.

Are they trying to get you?
- Wait up.

- Do I need
to go b*at some booty?

So I think you're overreacting.
- Oh, no?

- Yeah, a little bit
of the espanol.

- [laughs]
- a little of the espanol.

A little hola.
- She's like,

"si,jax, si, si!"
[laughter]

- She did not say that.

No, they said they were going
next door and they're like,

"oh, we go--we here for--"
you know, they're--

- Did they invite me?
- You're invited.

I'm like, "hey, you're coming."
mm-hmm.

You can tell them
your life story.

- Ex-meth addict.

I will [bleep] you up.
[laughter]

- And you know what?
I'm not gonna lie to you.

It's [bleep] the best sex
I've had in a long time.

- Really?
- Like, a long time.

- [laughs]

Stassi.

- Yeah?
- You're gonna be taking...

The lounge tonight.

- Who's taking one through six?
- Laura-leigh.

- I received a call

From laura-leigh saying
that her and jax

Were starting a relationship.

I just started
bawling out crying.

Literally, like, I-I don't have
the words for it.

Like, I don't have
the words for it.

- You're the last one on.
You're gonna take those tables.

- That's fine.
Ugh.

- This is the treatment
that princess stassi needs.

I love it.
[laughs]

- ♪ all right, all right

[dance music]

♪

- I'm gonna k*ll myself
right now.

I literally walked in
and it's just

Laura-leigh, kristen, and jax.

There's no one in there
to be on my side.

- This is
what jack[bleep] does.

- Does no one care that he

Knocked up a girl
two months ago?

Like, I'm truly
not understanding

How everyone can be
so against me and cold to me.

This sucks, being here
right now, like--

- You guys aren't busy.
See if they'll cut you soon.

- I'll be here till the end
with all these...Awesome people.

Boom!
- ♪ all right, all right

[dance music]

♪

- Hey.
- Hi, love.

- Hi. Good?

- Miss lisa.
How are you?

- Good.
What's going on?

- Things are really good,
actually.

- Things are really good?

What, since yesterday?
You move quickly.

- Um...You know, I-I just--

I just been hanging out
with laura-leigh a little bit.

- Out of the frying pan,
into the fire?

- I-I didn't do anything.

- Oh, come on.
- All the girls are yelling.

- One minute
he's driving to vegas

To profess his undying love,

And then guillermo tells me

That jax is shagging
laura-leigh.

I-I can't believe he even had
time to pull his trousers up.

Well, you're falling apart,
and now you're telling me--

- I'm not falling apart.
I'm good.

Everything's good.
- I think jax should

Really enter this situation
with great trepidation.

Laura-leigh is a delicate
and fragile girl.

Okay, you need
to grow up a bit.

- I'm just telling you
what's happening.

Lisa is really worried
about laura-leigh,

Because she has had

A troubled past
with dr*gs and alcohol.

But she's been sober
for nine months now.

- All right then.
I'm in the vip.

- Maybe come outside
and talk to you.

- I want to be cut.

Why are you being a d*ck?

I'm literally dealing
with kristen,

Laura-leigh, and jax,
all together.

- Did you see those girls
hitting on him?

- This is really hard.
It's my first day back.

I'm witnessing this
for the first time.

I'm trying to keep it
together right now,

And be classy and strong
about this, so--

- Well, um,

We have more than


- I don't want
to cause any problems,

It's just me asking, like,
if that's possible.

- It's just been
a rough night tonight.

I know you.
I know how you are.

I know your attitude.

- 'cause it's
a natural reaction.

Jax complained about you
hooking up with frank.

That's not--that's not
a natural reaction?

I mean, he's doing the exact
same thing you're doing.

- When I was--

It's not, actually, because--
- actually, it is.

- No, it's not, because jax
has told me, "I'm gonna go find

One girl at sur that's your
friend that I could [bleep]."

So he found the weakest link.

- Ooh!
- Oh.

- I was the only one
that befriended her.

- You can't be cut tonight.

So...Get out there
and do something.

- Peter is riding my ass
about everything.

Laura-leigh and jax
are kissing at the bar.

I literally just walked
into hell.

- ♪ I stare
into the darkness ♪

♪ unable to sleep

♪ promises

♪ that I've no intention
to keep ♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hello, hello, what's up?

We come bearing presents.
- I hear an "l.L." voice.

- Hey, hey, you know what?
- I got dogs.

- Hi.
- We've got dogs.

- What's up, guys?
- Yeah!

- Time for the beer.

- This is halo.

- Hi!
Look at you, babe.

- She just, uh--
- hi.

- They love each other.
They're, like, bestest friends.

- So, the upside
of not inviting stassi

To my party is that
there will be no drama.

- Hey-oh.
- Hello.

- I can bring laura-leigh,
I can invite scheana.

- Hi!

- I've always really
liked scheana.

I've always thought
she was really cool,

It just was kind
of uncomfortable

When stassi was around.

Hey.
- Hi. You look adorable.

- I know stassi doesn't
like them,

But stassi won't be here.

- Yeah, hi.
Oh!

- Hey!
- Hello.

What's up?
- Hi.

- I gave the roxy $2,500
to hold this place.

If people don't come,
like, for real,

No more fun tina.

You don't want that.
Like, honestly,

Promote like cra--
- I'm bringing everybody with--

[dog barking]
- in the city.

- My whole family is coming.
- Okay, good.

- Yeah.

- [laughs]
anyway.

- I feel like jax and
laura-leigh is kind of a joke.

So, if I had a crystal ball
that I could look into

And see the future
of jax and laura-leigh...

- What a great morning.
It's been a great morning

So far.
- Great.

- It's not gonna last very long.
- Well, wait, I'm confused.

Last week I thought
all of y'all were

- So you did not hear
about vegas, then?

Great day.

At dinner,
frank is there with stassi,

And jax comes in,
and things are not good.

Frank and jax start fighting.

We end up outside.

Sandoval, frank, and jax
all rip their shirts off

And proceed to try
to fistfight each other.

I don't know.
- Jax, who won?

- You just walked away?
- You or frank?

Who won?
- I walked away when hitting--

Because I'm not with her
anymore, so--

[laughter]
- ooh.

- Laura-leigh, have you talked
to stassi at all?

- You should see the text
she wrote her.

- I know, come join the circle.
- What did it say?

- Um, I mean,
they're pretty vicious.

She's like,
"you're [bleep] pathetic.

"you have zero self-esteem.

"it's so sad to see.
You meant nothing

"to anyone until I talked you
the way up.

And I just said,
"I'm not pathetic.

"I'm happy
for the very first time

In a really long time."
she said,

"well, that says
a lot about your character

"that [bleep] the only girl
that befriended you's

"ex-boyfriend is what makes
you happy.

"that's so embarrassing
for you.

"no one liked you before
except for me,

And now everyone hates you and
thinks that you're disgusting."

- Oh, my god.
[laughter]

- So I said,
"I can live with that."

[laughter]
- yeah!

- Oh, my god, that's awesome!
- I feel a little bad

For the messages
that she's getting,

But she did it to herself.

She should have known what
she was getting herself into,

Messing with stassi's
ex-boyfriend.

- You guys are gonna like
this one.

"everyone's been warning me

"that you are oddly obsessed
with me.

Now I know it's true."
- what?

- With what?
- With her?

- "welcome to a life
of no more friends,

At least as far as sur
is concerned, freak."

- What?
- So--

- [laughs] stassi,
"well, that's sick.

"you're the total opposite
of a good friend.

Enjoy my leftovers since you're
so obsessed with getting him."

- You're enjoying it, right?

- I'm enjoying every minute
of it.

[laughter]

- Oh, right here?

- I hate conflict.

So the last thing I want to do
is discuss everything

That happened in vegas
at a staff meeting.

- Well, hello.

Now, I've heard
a lot of stories,

And today,
I want to hear the truth.

- You're gonna sit here and talk
about how you're not

A ghetto bitch,
and you're gonna send me

Text messages harassing me.
- Oh, I totally did.

- Well that sounds
like ghetto bitch.

- Now, I've heard
a lot of stories,

And today, I want
to hear the truth.

First, what I want to tell you
is that what went down in vegas,

From what I've heard,
was in a restaurant.

And I, as a restaurant owner,
feel a lot of empathy

For the man
that owned the business.

So when you're all there,
as a body, as a group,

You're actually representing
my restaurant.

Sur was there, and that's
what really upsets me.

Are we understanding
what I'm saying so far?

Right now, even though
you know I do not support

If you're all sleeping together,
what am I going to do,

I'm so angry with them,
that they would let

Something like this,
of this magnitude,

In somebody else's restaurant
as well,

That is so disrespectful.

I'm gonna take every one
of these little buggers to task.

So, I'm gonna hear your point
of view, but let me tell you,

I am so disappointed.

Jax?
- Um...

I-I take responsibility.

I was acting on other emotions
that I should have left at home.

I shouldn't have even been
in vegas, to be honest.

I had two years
in a relationship with somebody.

Okay? So there's a lot
of emotion and stuff,

And I acted like a child.

They were having a good time.
I went in and I ran my mouth.

- So, just tell me this.

How are you all supposed
to work together?

We have had this conversation,

But when you start dating
each other, it puts us

In an impossible situation.

Is this what I'm dealing with?

Because I can't deal with it.
Kristen, if you've got something

More important to say than I do,
then say it.

- I said my heart
is pounding out of my chest.

- Well, it should be pounding.

It takes a lot
to get me pissed off,

And I'm really pissed off
right now.

I am passionate
about this restaurant.

You see I've designed it,
I've created it.

Guillermo and I run it,
and you guys can screw it up.

And that's what pisses me off.

I heard,
which I cannot believe,

That katie and stassi, something
got physical between you.

- Ask one person here, ask.

- Do you wanna--
- "[bleep] you, stassi"?

[bleep] you do not [bleep] say
"[bleep] you" to me!

- Stassi, you are [bleep]
out of line!

You are out of [bleep] line!

- Nobody wants you here!

- For me, two women getting
into it, physically,

I mean, how are you now?

- May I explain that?
- Yeah.

- Um, I threw water
on schwartz,

'cause schwartz
called me a bitch.

So then my instinct was,

Literally, to throw water
on schwartz.

If katie happened
to be in the way,

It had nothing to do with her.

- You pulled her [bleep] hair,
stassi.

- Did you grab
the back of her hair?

- No, I'm not a ghetto bitch.

- Well, that sounds like
ghetto bitch.

- I was pretty happy
when lisa called stassi out,

Because her behavior
was just ridiculous.

- I'm not the type of girl
to pull someone's hair.

- Well, methinks maybe
you are.

You know, there stassi is,
protesting her innocence.

Well, you know, if it talks like
a duck, it walks like a duck,

Then clearly
it's a bloody duck.

- Please calm down.
Please calm down.

- This is your chance,
with me sitting here

Like your mother
to all of you,

To try and work it out.

Which you clearly have,
you need to vent them.

You look like you're sitting
there, like, having a fit.

What do you want to say?

- Um, well...
- What's the problem?

You're having like--you look
like you're having a seizure.

- I'm--I'm so heated
right now.

- Well, then you need
to work it out now.

We need to work
all of this out.

- You are so fake!

How you're not a ghetto bitch
and how you don't pull hair,

Yet you're gonna send me
text messages harassing me?

'cause I'm the only one
that befriended you.

The only one.

- Oh, well,
that turned out well.

- That was nice of me
to just bully text her.

It was nice of me.

- Her telling
all the other employees

That we're all gonna be
a [bleep] bitch

To her and she should
be afraid to come to work

And all this other [bleep]?
- Who said that?

Who?
- Stassi.

- You said what?

What did you--
what's she been doing to you?

- Harassing me.

- Yes, I did.
I sent you mean text messages

- Paragraphs!
Paragraphs after paragraphs.

- Yes, because you literally

Were the only--you--I was the
only one that befriended you.

- About work, stassi.
Threatening her job at work.

- I read every single text.
- We have the text messages.

- We have it word for word.
- I never said you're not--

Fired or anything.
- "you should just quit"!

- She should just quit.

She should just quit.

- Can I say something?
- Yes, darling.

You don't have to ask me.
Please, this is the point of it.

- Of course I would understand
you being hurt.

That's why I picked up the phone
and I called you.

I can't help
my feelings for jax.

I have been in one of
the most horrible relationships

Of my life for three years--

- Weird, so was I.

- Let me talk, please.

And when I'm with jax,
all he does is build me up.

Day--all day long, that's all
he does is build me up.

He doesn't sit there
and belittle me

For everything little thing
that I do.

So it feels really nice
to have a friend.

And I know that you feel like
you befriended me,

If you want to talk about girl
code and being a good friend,

Do good girlfriends--please,
answer me this--storm out

Of the shift, on the middle
of a Saturday night,

I went up to peter,
and I said, "peter,

Transfer all of stassi's
tables to me."

And I covered
your [bleep] ass.

I walked all of your tables,
I didn't ask for anyone's help.

No one had to tell me to do it,
and I did it so that

You wouldn't get in trouble.

Called you when I got off work
to tell you,

Didn't even hear back from you
for two weeks.

So don't talk to me about being
a good friend.

Ooh!
- Boom.

- Yeah, but we all cover
each other every night.

- I know, that's what we do.
- Okay.

- Okay, laura-leigh,

So you took care of my section
and my tables?

Like, okay, that's fine,
then you can date jax.

[bleep] off.

- Laura-leigh,
have you got it all out?

Are you done?

- Well, yeah,
and the second thing is

I remember, like,
a week ago,

I came up to you 'cause I had
heard you were dating frank,

Which I didn't know,
and I was like,

"stassi, you're dating frank?"

I was like,
"that was kind of quick."

You know my relationship's
been over for months."

Well, if it's been over
for months,

- After seeing the way stassi
treated laura-leigh,

I haven't had it
that bad at sur.

Definitely I feel like
laura-leigh is the new target,

So that felt good.

- It's about you, not him.
He--I want him to move on,

And I hope that you bring out
the best in him.

I really, truly--
- I like him how he is.

- I wish--I--
okay, um, I'm glad,

But--
- well, excuse me.

You're not a great example.

You sitting there like that
is patronizing.

- He got a p*rn star pregnant
in vegas two months ago.

- Not [bleep] true.

- It doesn't really get any,
like--

- You should [bleep] grow up.

You want other people
to grow up?

Stop acting like
you're [bleep] 12.

I'm so sick of hearing,
"I'm 24,

Cry me a [bleep] river."

What she has been through,
what she has been through,

By the time we were 24?

Other people
in this restaurant?

Grow the [bleep] up.
- Well, excuse me.

You guys are behaving
like high school children.

You've got to grow up.
Let me tell you,

Some of you are making very
irresponsible choices right now.

I see all of you sitting
in front of me,

And I know that probably
only some of you

Are gonna go on
and become successful.

And I pretty much know
who those are.

And some of you need to change
your path of direction,

Or you will
be suspended immediately.

You are replaceable.

Are we understanding
what I'm saying?

Let's wrap it up.
Come on.

[indistinct chatter]
all right.

- Holy cannoli.

- Except my eyes are puffy,
and I look like [bleep].

- I cannot believe how psychotic
laura-leigh just got.

- Really creepy.
- I was terrified.

I thought she was gonna k*ll me.

- Would you like anything?
- I'm upset right now, [bleep].

- He didn't like her.

- Jax makes fun of her
every day.

- And she's ugly,
and she's this,

And now he's in love with her?

So, I'm just saying, that's--
- jax left me a love note

Three days ago, literally.

- And now, he's a changed man.

- He's a changed man and, like,
good luck with that,

Laura-leigh.
Yes, you guys are in love.

[laughter]

- ♪ 'cause you've got one night
to love ♪

- I knew I should have been
a hooker.

- ♪ girl I wanna be

- Stassi has this tendency
to use very violent metaphors.

- Really love to drill, like,
a machine g*n, like,

Just into her head.

Literally want to take
every fork and Kn*fe

And just graze
over his body

Until he slowly bleeds
to death.

"I'm going to cut
my boyfriend's d*ck off" time.

Especially if you
don't know her.

- I literally want
to come at them

With daggers
and chop their faces...

- But they're here
for your birthday.

- And hide them
in the walls.

- I think stassi might use
these violent metaphors

Because she's trying
to seem dangerous.

- I normally
would have literally

Ran across that float
with daggers

And not only stabbed you both,
like, 40 times,

But then thrown you off,

Tarred and feathered
each of you,

Beheaded you,
and then quartered your bodies

And then dragged them
through the cities of west l.A.

On a disgusting truck.

- ♪ hey, y'all,
report to the dance floor ♪

♪ 'cause we gonna
be here for a while ♪

- So you're gonna do hip roll,

Show off your hand, out.

That way.
Other way.

- That's what I was doing.
[laughter]

- There we go.
- Oh, that feels so awkward.

The show at the roxy
is around the corner.

I've trained a lot
in my life.

I've done tap, jazz,
ballet, hip-hop.

However, it's been years since
I've had to learn choreography.

- Snake your head around,
on five, six...

- Why can't I do that?

My brain
and coordination skills

Just don't work
the way they used to.

"can you freak..."
both: "bitch."

- I...
- Mm-hmm.

- Hopefully take off something.
- [chuckles]

One, two, three.
[dance music]

♪

Yeah, let's just do it again
and again with the music.

- Yeah.
- How does britney do this?

- [laughs]
- seriously.

- You're going to melt down
and sit on the floor.

Open your legs...
And close them.

- You guys aren't wearing
dresses, are you?

- Ooh.
Oh, no?

- I am,
but I'll wear shorts under.

- And throw your hair back and
kind of, like, milk that moment,

Back, um,
and then

Slowly just kind of step up
with this leg.

- Can I, like,
crawl on the stage?

- Yeah.
Do, I mean--keep it classy,

But, you know--
- I'm nervous of what everyone

Is going to think
about this show.

I mean,
there's a lot of booty-popping.

That could just add
to another thing

That stassi
will judge me for,

Like, "oh, my god,
look at her.

She's dancing so slutty."
but you know what?

Let's be hot.

Let's just dance
and shake our ass.

- Got some work to do.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Can I just stay down here
the whole time?

- Um...

- ♪ I still believe
in what's free ♪

♪ the sweet life
is good enough for me ♪

♪ I still believe
in what's free ♪

♪ the sweet life
- three for dinner?

Both: Yes.
- Right this way.

- Thank you.

- You know, jen and haley
both work at sur,

And I've just been hanging out
with both of them a lot lately.

Just trying to hang out with
low-key, fun-loving people.

- Are we going
to the show tomorrow?

- I've been thinking that
we were going to tina's show.

I just don't know how I feel
about it 'cause it's just like,

You and me against, like--
with a group

Of people that don't like us
right now.

- I guess I just feel bad
'cause they asked us to go.

And scheana was,
like, talking to me

All night last week
when we worked together

About how--her rehearsal
and, like...

- Wait.
- This is her first time ever

Performing, and...

- Is this a joint--
is this a joint show?

- Shut your mouth.
- She only has one song, though,

I thought this was tina's show!
I totally--

- No, I didn't know sh--
I didn't even know she was even,

Like--shut--

- I didn't know
she was a singer.

We were working,
and she was just talking

About how her legs
were sore

From the rehearsals
and blah, blah, blah.

- Is she planning
a dance thing,

Like, ancient britney spears
style?

Oh, my god.
I'm going.

Oh, my god.
Does she have backup dancers?

- Definitely.

- No one has had
background dancers

And done stuff
like that since 1999.

Like, please don't.

Honestly I'm, like,
imagining it to be, like,

Britney spears
when she was at her lowest,

Like, times ten.

Have you heard her song?
[dance music plays]

- Wait--oh--
- do you hear this?

- ♪ what I need, what I want,
want to see ♪

♪ everything that you got

♪ turn me on, turn me up,
get to me ♪

♪ I like it when it's hot
- I like it when it's hot.

- [scoffs]
- intelligent lyrics.

- ♪ that's what I want,
freak me ♪

- Honestly, scheana should
probably stick to serving,

Leave the pop star scene
for the people with talent.

But I have to see this
in person,

Especially if there's
backup dancers.

I can't miss something
like that.

Somebody get
my shift figured out.

Oh, my god.
I need to get off to see this.

[upbeat rock music]

♪

- It was really nice to be at
the roxy, cheering scheana on

And, like,
really showing support,

And I'm really, really excited
for her.

- Is this the vip entrance?

- Sure.
- Okay, good.

- I had my shift covered
to be here,

So I cannot wait for scheana
to get onstage.

Holy hell.

- We all decided
that we were just gonna enjoy

Each other, have fun,
dance, drink,

And just enjoy the show,
regardless

Of who else was hanging out
in the back.

- You having fun?
- Yes!

- Okay, we're gonna bring out
the next act.

- [sighs]
I'm, like, so excited

And so [bleep] nervous.
- But you look so [bleep] good.

That's all that matters.
You look so damn hot.

- Thank you.

This is my first performance
live, singing my own song,

In my life, onstage,

In front of hundreds
of people.

I could forget
my choreography,

I could forget my lines,
and all my friends

Are gonna be there, all my
co-workers are gonna be there.

I just feel like I have so many
people that I need to please.

Whoo!
- Oh, my god.

- Oh, my god.

- These things
are not coming off.

I'm putting bronze
on you.

- Um, will she put the mic
back on the stand?

- She's gonna come
over this way.

- You want me to go get
the mic to go on?

- No, I need the mic
on the stand

'cause I walk in clapping.

- I can tell she about to rip
the stage right now.

- Oh, my god.

Y'all show some love
for scheana!

[cheers and applause]

- [screams]
[dance music]

Whoo!
♪

Ah!

♪ what I need, what I want,
want to see ♪

♪ everything
that you got ♪

♪ turn me on, turn me up,
get to me ♪

♪ I like it
when it's hot ♪

- I knew I should have been
a hooker.

♪ make me feel the need,
that's what I want ♪

♪ bring me to my knees,
that's how I like it ♪

♪ I want you to see

♪ I can't feed this appetite
without your love ♪

♪ 'cause you got
what I like ♪

♪ you got me
going out my mind ♪

- I think stassi wanted
to come to the roxy

To make fun of scheana.

- ♪ the girl
I want to be ♪

- I think she was hoping
that scheana would fail.

- ♪ can you freak, bitch?
[dance music]

- But scheana
was awesome.

♪

- ♪ that's what I

- ♪ the girl I

♪ the girl I want to be

♪ 'cause you got
what I like ♪

♪ you got me
going out my mind ♪

♪ I'm not myself tonight,
tonight ♪

♪ I'm like the girl
I want to be ♪

That's what I like!

[cheers and applause]

- I know.
She did--she did a great job.

You know,
scheana got up onstage

With a ton
of confidence.

I came here
to make fun of her,

And I was actually
really impressed.

No, I think
it was really entertaining.

- That was so much [bleep] fun!
- Oh, my god!

- Dude, it was so fun to watch.
- I've heard the song--

- You were awesome!
- Thank you.

- So proud of you!

- Oh, you survived!

- You know, after a while,
it just was not fun

To be in the same room
as jax, kristen, and katie.

It's just really, like,
hitting me hard

That this is over.

Our relationships are over,

And I just needed
to get out of there.

- Coming up...
- Are you okay?

Hey, give me a hug.

You're gonna make me cry.
- Don't cry.

'cause we normally hate
each other.

- I know, we do.

- I don't want to be in
that atmosphere with all them.

Like, came out,
like, I want to leave actually.

Yeah.

I don't want
to be here anymore.

I want to cry seriously.

- Are you okay?
- No, I'm not.

- What is going on?
Okay, give me a hug.

- I want to--I'm gonna have
a mental breakdown.

- Initial reaction
when I see stassi upset

Is like, "ha, she's finally
getting what's coming to her."

- [crying]

- But then I felt really bad

Because I know
what it feels like

To have all of your friends
against you at work,

And I thought the least
I could do is reach out.

You're gonna make me cry.

- Don't cry 'cause we
normally hate each other.

- I know.
We do.

- We hate each other normally.

- But I just feel
like you're just, like, hurting,

And you just need a friend,

And your friends aren't talking
to you right now,

And I feel so bad,
and I just, like,

- My best friends
that were supposed to--

Like, I have--
they are so mean.

It kind of made me feel
like the mean girl thing

Is just a front
she puts on.

I know, like, we obviously have
never got off on the right foot,

And I just want
to tell you,

I feel like,
as much as we've, like,

Hated each other,
I just do want you to know

That I am here for you,

- I would like
to fix our relationship.

I would like that.
- Me too.

- But I want to be honest
with you right now.

I doubted
your singing career.

- I mean, you came to see me
to make fun of me, right?

- And I was wrong.

- And that's how I know

That that's, like,
the first honest opinion.

If you were like,
"oh, that sucked,"

You would tell me.
- I expected you to suck...

- I expected myself to suck.
- 'cause you had never done it.

Really?
- Well, tina did invite you.

She's probably about to go on
right now.

It would be rude to leave.
Come in with me.

Let's go have
one little drink.

We are watching tina's set;
that's why you came,

Other than to make fun of me.

- It would have been
so much easier for her

To just kick me
when I was down,

And instead she was the only one
to come to me.

- ♪ I'm too into love

♪ 33 fm

♪ I'm too into love, 33 fm

♪ I'm too into love,


♪

- We need a picture.

We need to capture
this moment of being friends.

- This is a crazy moment.

All right, we're gonna--
oh, wait,

You're taking another sh*t.
- Okay.

It feels really good
that stassi and I

Are finally at a place
where we can be civil

And share a drink together.

But she made me pay
for the drink.

♪ the girl
I want to be ♪

- Next time
on vanderpump rules...

- Um...

- [giggles]
- are you serious?

They're gonna see us.

[sighs]

- I heard
on good authority

That you got caught with
your trousers down literally.

- I was looking out
for you.

Stassi,
you're like my sister.

Like, all of the things
we've been through,

You think I'm just gonna
not give a [bleep] about you?

- That's what it felt like.

- Big problem
with you right now.

He's the customer.
You're the employee.

I've had enough.
- Okay, so--

- I have had enough, frank.

- Don't walk away from me.

- About what?
- Why you're being such a d*ck.

- You're so [bleep] selfish,
and you don't care

You'd rather have
a pity party for yourself.