01x07 - Episode 7

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Not Only... But Also". Aired: 29 November 1964 – 24 December 1970.*
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British sketch comedy show starring Peter Cook and Dudley Moore.
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01x07 - Episode 7

Post by bunniefuu »

good evening good evening you look at my

two companions you'll probably mistake

them for ordinary members of the public

members of the stock exchange something

in the city like that they are in fact

members of an exclusive and secretive

sect the Grand order of the bull they

have asked to remain anonymous since I

shall refer to them trousers mr. X and

mr. Y now mr. X where does your sect

find its origins on a fruit stall

[Music]

when did it start your sect when is

again Oh 10:50 but two weeks ago about

two weeks ago now I believe you are both

senior members of the sect of the

granddaughters of the Bulls what is your

position mr. X well in the hierarchy of

things

our master need a master me and you sir

and I am a master knuckle now is a

knuckle higher than a knee we're like no

more years with no normal stature Burch

and in our case it's being rather small

my knuckle just comes down his knee so

about the same status you are roughly

equal the near-monopoly roughly equal in

all cases now what relations are the

intersect I mean how do you begin when

you enter the order well the first

probationer hasta course was a toss a

master Tolls we have a grand ankle and

me I have a great controversy lately

about not start at once you know to

happen next of the grind at the man

I believe when I saw you I thought well

you will straight up here I beg your

pardon

yeah from master wrist knuckle June and

the top of all it's a master cranium our

grand crazy and big energy Cohen that is

the senior position is that the ultimate

I believe will have certain secret

signings whereby us identify each other

what are these well if I meet him in the

street I know immediately who it is how

is it than living in the same house for

that thank you

well how do other members of the set I

beg your pardon

well we have been courting his sister

who sang those pointers I didn't know

how do other ground bulls recognize each

other do they have signs did a secret

saying oh yes see feathering a student

yes it's not possible the ordinary

members of the public might by chance go

well there's a certain amount of

duplication goes on you know have any

further side other among others are

plagerism girls oh yeah not respect

well any other things are having

presumably this is distressing

experience we've done many things right

then

now or exactly what all this I feel

concealed ornithol you revealed me me

this shows their disposition shows that

I put my transitive before my friend

here and only I can bear the knuckle

here hey he's not so give me the

opportunity to assume the posture of the

grand cranium and she visits the posture

of the grand crater

I've seen a number of people in this

position does this mean there are a

number of grand craniums about the place

and you know its meaning I see so now do

these signs help you in business in any

way oh yeah thank you are in a job it

would be very helpful yeah I mean if I

had a job I'd help him if I saw somebody

gave me decide I'll drop everything yeah

apart from there's one of the purpose of

the sexes Brotherhood of picking up

birds do you have women in the sect

well the landlord's getting a bit sticky

we have to be out like ten o'clock but

you're do encourage women ad members

called in the steps what do you call

them Lady Bulls is that this awesome

how do they recognize each other well of

course they can't adopt a normal system

and pulling up the churches because they

have known so what they do is they pull

up the skirt CC and just above the knee

and close one eye like mine I see you

survived I saw a lady on the street one

eye closed skirt about the knee so

chances are there will be a lady ball

but I believe that someday about outside

who wishes to indulge in the initiation

ceremony is there any chance we could

see that a lot of the grunt quit yes

they didn't see why now right it's a

probationer without and he said I'd give

a soil

[Music]

now what exactly was that delegate

accomplished

yeah healthy probational his shoes no he

had some here and he is without I show

him it so they sent again all the Bulls

are you here in the world in which you

came in the world in the first place and

these are over the possessions

under the first underground Trillium I

now take all other possessions do you

solemnly swear to all transactions that

take place in this thing you will forget

or if you do your tongue ripped out and

a twenty miles out to sea

yes and may move it do you know the

waving of silence until necessary mean

senator five minutes I do

I shall remain silent for five minutes

exactly is the and another five minutes

or so

I shall remain silent for another five

minutes or so

yes we all right on down West I'm at our

dance with Johnston yeah I'll find it

down what fun

well after doing now if you're going for

the 85 draws first Archer okay it's our

85 draws step-up cover

I was reading the Bible the other day

you know if I booked our this

beautifully down this beautiful

beautifully put together I was reading

that chapter about our is Moloch at room

our room our burger is about elusive our

got this other bloke is that forgetting

yeah everyone you know everybody's know

whoever Somerset House and it's now

George made sure me but get that premium

exactly region okay Fred treble and so

now they're course you know you can't

write it all back to Adam and Eve for

first to first I don't understand hey

there's two people could have produced

so many millions of different rice and

cream

beneath all these children of different

colors so on a point of that data set

Genesis isn't true in the literal sense

it's an allergy

Genesis analogy of Larkin to show you -

about a lot of human rights Adam and Eve

are a ceremony there are human rights

personified best boise found all matters

are you believe in God actually oh teri

play when I'm in a tight spot I feel

myself God please help me out if you're

there if you don't help me out I believe

in you - thank you very much I know

you're there for you so there are the

similar attitude whenever I feel ill you

know I've got a dose of flu I'll say a

little prayer I'll say dear Todd in

heaven if you'll bear heat my prayer if

they're not there don't take any notice

if you are make me better by Tuesday at

12 o'clock and I'll now you've done it

I'll promise to be good for football

believe in you for Setar police when she

get better you don't know worries

because God's done it or whether you

would have got better in any case the

star real way of telling why doctor or

even if where he is I can't tell Tyler

often wish she ain't manifest himself a

bit ball you know in the scar yeah be

nice if you know operate on a kind

because the clouds and a code of fair to

some song it's this a life you know I

believe they are God you know where you

were asked the Reverend Stephens about

this father Stevens and he said much

this God for diet to treat manifested

himself he there because it devices a

currency you see more than once every

few million years he can't go around a

football matches and fights at

everything otherwise I'll fade you know

they said to feisty so much I once a

million years if we're lucky yeah

question actually thing oh well

I've been told about God at oh yeah

because it means you can't go why was

nothing there yeah I mean you told about

a mean I fell he figured you don't know

you know you can't really mess about

know about them people and who haven't

been told about well after Deborah

Stevens's and he said if you haven't

been told about god god you're nothing

if you search for a pole when you're

away you can join until you marry their

lives as a paperboy New Guinea for

example I want about with nothing on and

I commit adultery and steal and cover

each other's wives not everybody wants

to do I saw any business about you see

the telemedicine they carve exotic yeah

so they got to heaven whatever they do

this beats all beasts nick nolte cut it

out into heaven a perfectly decent

blokes aren't you

no doubt we never even committed we

still talking up there we've been kept

out far these guineans

they say I think in that place I think

they're time to tell people about cars

you think but I've never told any about

God I don't hold any well I haven't

mentioned it to a selfie I think I am

thanks and Paul suppose but a parking

lot all those letters here I'll throw

their face games you know yeah

assistance stop enjoy yourself cause

about applies both but just imagine a

car - there's a nicer Fishkin family

certainly down to a good breakfast -

Phillip muscles and help coffee is

sitting there it's an ugly dial so that

they kept taking the children out you

know for picnic policy by the night and

I'm a picnic there and everything's

happy to sound coming through the trees

that's a cheerleader wife I'm stopping

only accent by the Soviet Army !sis the

distance the distant choir happy

children class studying across the sky

naturally in fact an idyllic scene is

what you call it and it Dilek scene when

suddenly into the midst of it all pat

pat pat on the bloody door

in already snow is a message of bearing

a letter from Paul after the door

thought me think it may be good news

perhaps grandfather's d*ed

I discover their Georgian territory and

family still having a good time resign

yourself not driving a picnic cover

yourself with ashes and start slowly to

yourself

k*ll pair the nosy signed Paul okay you

know I'm very fascinated by those

religions it's a you come back and a

different phone really carnation yeah

really car license has Buddhism Buddhist

believing that coming back as a

different player of South Colorado once

you come back well I think if I had a

choice I probably come back either as a

royal Corki otic sniffing Anna Palace

you know

I'm very glad to improve your spices

yeah I'm at the pace you could come back

a something terrible call you really

when spoken you come back as a humble

main fly well cool said you'd only live

for six hours pretty good by over five

feet are laws that might last only live

six hours as soon as therefore they're

worried about old age

Tom they're three hours older through

the middle a sigh can't ground for buses

d*ed yesterday I got my ass all over the

neck of a Sardar so dreadful business

you know mr. Thomas

that's dog basically state nice yeah

support a Syrian authorities got this

blue bottle in the bathroom he thinks

it's peace Thank You support cleats

reincarnated site a style in the

bathroom place it in marshmallows and

Marmol I that blue bottles about horse

getting very big and fat parable right

so he puts out bits of paper I hope it

or complete sometimes it's just got a

lot of blue bottle dropping so far

I still find them my fault I probably

made you something to another but I

understand it

caution I don't come back as a sparrow

Sarfati bad ladies browsers oh that's

pointed espero you wouldn't want to look

down ladies no as far as flowers

you're being tries to do now is power if

I had my choice I'd like to come back as

Grace Kelly oh I've always wanted to

know what she looks like in the bar I've

always been fascinated by a glacial

beauty always call for that wonderful

call Santa you have certainly known it's

a bit of a toss harvester with realism

inside it well you don't actually know

what it is oh you can't always really

top religion she might be free worship

it might be Buddhism it might be Chris

you don't know what a powerful I mean

you might be a perfectly cooked food

historian ah get out the heaven and air

be the Reverend Steven Snyder

hahaha SMS dog well right get off with

you now alternatively it might be a

fairy cook Chris do you see Church of

England by yourself agnostic get off air

this Buddha slapping or iris I sent you

that is a worm there's no way of telling

really won't do a thing the first thing

is we might have talked net there yeah

do you think God's been listening while

we've been talking

well I be exists he's been listening

that he's omnipresent he heard every

word we've said or we repair look

religious sense or snout or just looking

religious daddy can see through that you

have to pay your images

[Applause]

[Laughter]

very good what went wrong it was fine

light at the time when he said will

nothing stop it

yeah you remember when you said will

nothing stop it

yeah then you hit it yeah and it stops

the Goldblum stopped when you said rule

nothing stop it what went wrong

I didn't expect a faster pace I heart

you can't you find very still bounce off

your chest

[Applause]

[Laughter]

[Music]

I'm you're advancing I think why don't

we all sit down John I'm talking

as we've done this sort of thing before

Janette yeah no but she's very promising

and I think you know give it a chance

she took the excellent if you just play

along with us a good fun I am backing

away there now let us try to get the

feeling you welcome towards me I wrote

about affair with master yes John I only

have one well there was everything all

right the scene was just terrific I

thought it was excellent it was just one

thing you know when you come up backing

away and the monster is coming towards

you you went into rather a long speech

yes I'm humanity you k*ll me you k*ll

the universe the unborn children's or

which is fine the only thing is the

speech as I got in a script for you to

say is simply

[Laughter]

what are we trying to do leader well

we're trying to get this scene sh*t by

simplified what is the motivation behind

it am i who am i a monster and you have

been slumbering on the ocean bed for

centuries you are disturbed by an atomic

expl*si*n by the prospect of nuclear w*r

however you wake up you find your young

one missing your pledge or a gold honor

who happened you think he has it you

search after him he backs away from you

he can't communicate with you he pulls

through the window and goes ah that's

all there is to it

yes be there but I feel I must be

something more than just you see I am I

represent all that is noble and she's a

woman she's a woman right good morning

mr. Dahmer

whole situation as portrayed in this

film is very much like its course in

real life correct I mean if the whole

atomic situation again he got some

lunatic at the end of a red button and

one side of sanity goes to Barton and

whole world

it's horrifying I say you take the Congo

becomes I thank you very much you take a

Congo it's a part of old our first words

max on it and takes yep min I have more

greatly circumstances

it's a petrol soaked rag one match and

the whole thing look I couldn't agree

with you all about the unborn children

Oh children like if we lose our children

that's it mother to another way there's

part of this scene should be something

rather different see what time is it

John well it's 5:30

[Music]

all this into our range of the world if

on your face we can see this conflict in

you you just show your rage or the

wonderment your despair your agony or

ecstasy your frustration your tremendous

store and all this can be shown on your

face like that

that's a very good score Nikita lovelyz

[Music]

yeah yeah rainstorm will be out there on

your face I've got a marvelous idea

good well I'm k*lling the lake if we

just if I am careless why don't I be

caring for the garden yes another idea

after one place eyedropper you drop

stagger back jump the window really

enjoys a wildermann despair gratitude

courage history ha

all these on your face out the window

with the cell phone it goes they get out

I tell you

yes

[Laughter]

[Applause]

I mean alright he's not worried about

the unborn children except worried about

its footing

I'm giving jobs for his friends well

thank you for recommending me and joy

laughter and evil forces I'd like to

thank my partner's always working I like

to pay special tribute to one aspect of

his work which I think has been

neglected throughout the series is very

wonderful sensuous sensitive but always

tasteful jonno place which I find

tonight thank you very much

speed wonderful I hope that we'll be

able to show like this game

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]
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