02x04 - The Quarry

[bunniefuu]

Teenagers here in the middle are just like teenagers around the world. They're stupid.

Hey, kid, you mind taking a break on that thing?

We're trying to eat here.

Whatever.

They're so stupid, they'll even show up on a school day at the very place they know their dad goes to eat lunch.

Axl?

Oh. Hey.

What are you doing here?

You skipping school?

No, for your information, I am not skipping school. I'm suspended.

For what?

Skipping school.

See, this is why I didn't tell you.

I knew you wouldn't be cool about it. God!

Mom, did you know that there was this magic kit in the hall closet?

Why didn't anybody tell me?

Wow. The old magic kit. You found it.

Damn. I thought I got rid of that stupid magic kit.

It was annoying when Axl did it.

It was annoying when Sue did it.

I could only imagine with Brick.

You're always on me to make friends, and what better way than through the amazing world of illusion?

Amazing world of illusion.

Let me practise a trick on you.

Not now, Brick. I gotta finish cleaning all these smelly cross-country uniforms, then I gotta go buy healthy snacks for the meet, 'cause apparently the half a box of doughnuts that I stole from work shows a lack of effort.

Wow. No wonder you're stressed.

Thank you. I am.

You need some entertainment.

I hold before you a coin from the lost city of Atlantis.

With this coin, I...

I hold before you a coin from the lost city of Atlantis.

With this coin, I will attempt...

I sense you're losing interest.

Just get to the trick, Brick.

I hold before you a c...

Mom, you're not gonna believe it.

The worst thing happened today.

The school board has to trim their budget, and everyone's saying that cross-country is the sport that's gonna get cut.

Oh, Sue. No, they can't do that.

You will be left in awe as you watch this coin transported...

Your patience is requested.

How can they even think about cutting cross-country?

We're all getting so close.

Like, the other day, one of my team-mates called me "Sandy. "

That's practically "Sue. "

Well, they can't do this.

No way. We are not taking this lying down.

Thanks, mom. I knew you'd say that.

There's this marathon school board meeting on Wednesday to discuss the cutbacks.

A meeting?

Cross-country's either at the beginning or the end.

I don't know which, so we'll just have to go for the whole thing.

Go, XC! That's cross-country.

Go ahead, Axl.

Tell her what you did. Tell her.

I hold in my hand a coin...

Oh, the magic kit.

I thought we got rid of that thing.

He found it. What did you do?

Okay, first of all, that cafeteria is unsanitary, so Troy and Fitz dared me and Darrin to sneak off school grounds for lunch, and Darrin's like, "It's on!" and I was like, "It's so on, " and Darrin's like, "Yeah, " and I'm like, "Hell, yeah!" so Darrin's all driving, and I'm all in the trunk, then we feast at Joe's subs, and everything's cool until we sneak back to school, and I'm still in the trunk, and Darrin's sexting this girl that he's never gonna get.

He forgets I'm in there.

Three hours later, the vice-principal hears my screams, and now they want to make an example out of me, because I wouldn't follow their totally unfair rule, so I'm suspended for five days. Eh.

Suspended?

Okay. This is not good. We do not get suspended.

Wait. Why are we just now finding out about this?

Well, they sent home a note, but you're always talking about how busy you are, so I signed it for you. You're welcome.

You're gonna wanna remove yourself from my line of vision.

Now.

Suspended?

I got it!

Wow. That's incredible, Brick.

It's in your other hand.

What? I could see it.

You know, I'm kinda relieved this is all out in the open.

I didn't like lying to you guys, and now I don't have to pretend to go to school.

I can just hang out here and watch TV.

Suspension is supposed to be a punishment, Axl.

Oh, it is. There's nothing good on.

All right. That's it. You're not laying around this house all week like you're on vacation.

Starting tomorrow, you're gonna spend every day of your suspension with me at the quarry.

And guess what? You're being put to work.

What? This is so not fair.

When I turn 30, I am so outta here.

So the next day, Axl started work at t he quarry as part of his punishment.

Did you alphabetize those?

It was a punishment all right, but for who?

This computer is so slow. I'm gonna speed it up for ya.

Uh-oh. Some numbers went away.

Get up, get up, get up!

Two weeks to fix a front loader?

That's too long, Fred. We're not...

We're not gonna make our delivery dates.

We're down to two front loaders, and that's just not...

Congratulations, dad. Your plan's working, 'cause I can't wait to go back to school.

If I had to work at that place every day, I'd pack a lunch box full of poison.

If you had to work there every day, I might need to share.

I'm serious. That place is lame.

Hey. Watch it.

That quarry is filled with hardworking people trying to provide for their families.

It puts a roof over your head and clothes on your back.

And you might as well get used to it, because you're stuck there for two more days.

Actually, it's three more days.

Oh.

Do you think Axl might just be an idiot?

Mike.

No, I'm serious. Is he an idiot?

Is our kid an idiot?

'Cause I'm starting to seriously wonder if he's an idiot.

You can't call your kid an idiot.

The books say you're not supposed to.

Well, I know that. It's just...

There's usually a lot of hours in the day...

When he's at school that we don't see him, but I was with him, Frankie.

I-I watched him all day long, and...

I'm worried.

Remember how smart he used to be?

Then the hormones kicked in.

It's like they fritzed out his brain.

Well, tomorrow I'm gonna bust his ass, and he's gonna learn some respect for hard work.

Does it have to be tomorrow?

Can't you get off work and go to the school board meeting instead of me?

They listen to tall people.

You'll be fine.

You go down there, you make your case for cross-country, and if it doesn't work out, it's not your fault.

You tried.

It is my fault.

No, it's not. Go to sleep.

It is my fault, Mike. It's all my fault.

What are you talking about?

I prayed for cross-country to go away.

What?

I prayed for it to go away. I just...

I've just been so resentful of it!

I have to do everything.

I bring water. I bring snacks.

I-I make endless signs for fans who never show.

And why should they? It's boring. It's so boring.

Meet's cancelled. Someone saw a bobcat on the trail.

I mean, I never meant it to happen.

I was at church last Sunday praying for all the things you're supposed to pray for- Haiti, Pakistan...

And then cross-country just pops into my head.

I tried to stop it, but it was too late.

The message was already sent.

And the next day Sue comes in and says cross-country's gonna be cut.

Oh, God.

What kind of mother prays for something like that?

Frankie, they're 0-and-12.

If God does want to cut cross-country, it's only 'cause he's a benevolent God and he wants to put it out of its misery.

But maybe I brought them to his attention.

Cross-country might not get cut, and then you'll see that God doesn't get involved in sports, 'cause if he did, The Colts would've won the super bowl last year.

So two hours and eleven minutes in I suddenly remembered what I hated about these parent meetings...

The parents.

You can't cut wrestling.

My son needs an outlet.

He has anger management issues!

Wrestling is safe. We're not cutting the real sports.

Then why am I here?

Moron.

My child, Tabitha Hockman- Stand up, Tabitha...

Is extremely gifted, but she hasn't been placed in the gifted class.

What is your question?

Why hasn't my daughter been placed in the gifted class?

Sit down!

Okay, uh, listen, we're-we're all concerned parents here, but I think instead of getting up and just talking about our own kids, we should take a deep breath and really talk about what's best for the school, the community, even the world.

Thank you.

So... Thinking globally, I don't think we should cut cross-country, because...

Her kid's in cross-country!

Cut it. Cut it!

What?

Cut it? Why don't we cut chess club?

Do we really need a whole club for chess?

You can play chess on your phone.

You leave chess out of this!

My kid's got asthma.

He can't play a regular sport!

Have you seen the cross-country team?

I think your kid would fit right in.

You don't know me! You don't know my Robert!

Don't you even say his name!

What, Robert? Robert, Robert, Robert!

I have something to say.

My name is Sue Heck, and I'm on cross-country.

I've never been on a team before, but I sure have tried out for a lot.

I tried out for show choir, gymnastics, tennis, flags, volleyball, baton...

Oh, right. And tumbling.

But then a team came along that let me in.

Cross-country is no-cut.

It's the only sport that takes everybody.

Don't any of you remember how horrible junior high can be if you don't have something...

The panic that hits you in the lunchroom when no one will sit with you, even if you pretend to have an English accent to seem more interesting?

It's a den of wolves, you guys.

Don't cut cross-country, because cross-country would never cut you.

All in favor of cutting cross-country, say, "aye. "

Aye.

Okay... It's unanimous. Cross-country is cut.

What?!

Though that was a heck of a speech. You should be on the debate club.

Oh, but we cut that yesterday.

Is this so I don't hit my head when I fall asleep from boredom?

I feel bad that you were a little bored yesterday, so today I thought I could make things a little more interesting for you.

Put it on.

Boys, why don't you take my son here down to the hole?

The hole? What happens there?

Your worst nightmare- Hard work.

Keep your eyes open, home slice.

We don't want you wandering into a blast zone.

Uh... So is this hole, like, a hole, or do you just call it that?

Chuck's right. Be safe out there.

Safety's my middle name.

Actually, it's Zeke, but you know what I mean.

Gentlemen, we are cocked, locked, and ready to rock!

Let's roll.

Come on.

Dad?

I couldn't believe it.

I'd accidentally prayed away my daughter's happiness.

And if my guilt wasn't enough, God had found a new way to punish me.

This hat once belonged to the great Harry Houdini!

Not now, Brick, okay?

But it's not just a hat.

It's also a portal to another dimension in time.

Prepare to be amazed as this household item is torn from our place in the time-space continuum!

Wow. That's a good one.

With your indulgence, I will summon the remote back from oblivion!

Okay. Where is it?

I don't know.

You don't know?

That's not funny, Brick. We need that remote.

What are we supposed to eat dinner to, the radio?

I'll summon it after my nap.

Hey, honey.

How ya doin'?

Well, I cleaned out my cross-country locker, and then I tried to have everyone sign my jersey, but the only one there was the lady janitor.

It was nice, though.

She signed it, "keep it clean. Viv. " hey.

I stopped on the way home and got you somethin'.

I can't. I don't deserve.

I did something selfish and wrong.

Before the meeting, I prayed to God to save cross-country.

You did?

There's so much bad stuff going on in the world, and I just prayed for myself.

I'm a selfish, horrible person.

I don't deserve cross-country, and I don't deserve a cupcake.

But thanks, anyway.

People pray for all kinds of things they don't mean to pray for...

Good people who don't mean any harm.

Well...

Maybe I'll just have one bite.

So then Dave let me drive this earthmover, which was awesome.

And chuck has been blowing stuff up since he was 18.

You know, he can barely hear anymore, but he says that his sense of sight got stronger to make up for it.

I doubt that, but... Interesting theory.

Sorry what I said yesterday about everything being lame and stuff.

They seem like good guys.

They work hard.

Yeah, they make good money, too.

Chuck's got his own place out by the river...

50-inch flat screen, pet snake, his own fog machine...

You know, Axl, I wasn't bringing you to work just to punish you.

I was hoping you'd learn something.

Oh, I did.

I learned, I shouldn't sweat school so much, you know?

I figure I can always get a job at the quarry right out of high school.

Wait. What?

And then I wouldn't need college.

Chuck didn't go to college.

Uh, hang on. That's not at all what I was...

Yo, a*-man.

I'm going to grab a burger.

You wanna roll?

Hells, yeah! Later, Dad.

Rock on, boss man.

Hey. Where's Axl?

Did you leave him at the quarry?

You mean, the a*-man?

He's grabbing some burgage with chuck.

Who's chuck?

I Don't wanna talk about it.

Hey, Sorry about cross-country.

It's horrible, Mike. It's just horrible.

Nobody tells you how hard it is to be parents.

'course not. If they told you, nobody would do it.

It's called "punishing it forward. "

Where's the remote?

Brick put it into a hat and transported it into another dimension.

It was pretty impressive, actually.

Brick, get in here!

We should've buried that magic kit in the yard when we had the chance.

Brick, fun's over. I need the remote. I need it bad.

I've been looking everywhere.

You might want to expand your search beyond the inside of that hat.

Dad, no offense, but you don't know what you're talking about.

You haven't read the box.

Mike didn't believe in magic.

He didn't believe that I'd made cross-country disappear, but I knew the truth, and the guilt was gnawing at me.

I had to do something.

Hey, I only have a second, but I just wanted to touch base with you again.

Maybe there's some greater purpose for Sue not being on cross-country, 'cause maybe she'll do something even more great now.

Yeah, I know.

But could you just reverse my previous prayer and replace it with this one?

Please, please, please bring back cross-country.

Oh, and we lost our remote, but that's, like, an "if you can get to it" kind of thing.

Ah! There you are!

Mr. Ehlert, what are you doing?

You think you're the first lady I've seen on the john?

S. Ehlert hasn't shut the door in 30 years!

I've got a stain on my tie, and I need you to get it out.

Honestly, Frances, what's wrong with you?

Lately you've been even more useless than usual.

I'm sorry, Mr. Ehlert. The thing is, my daughter's cross-country team has been cut, and it's the first thing she ever made...

So I told him the whole story from beginning to end.

I knew Mr. Ehlert hated hearing about personal problems, but as long as I had him by the tie, he kinda had to listen.

Next.

Next. Next.

Uh... Wait. Go back. Next.

My arm's getting tired.

Well, presto, when you find my remote, you can stop.

Look at this. Look at this!

Never underestimate the power of prayer.

Mr. Ehlert just wrote me a check to save Sue's cross-country team.

What? Ehlert gave you money?

Is he dying?

I don't know.

Maybe. How great is this? Sue!

Glad to see you're catching up on your schoolwork.

For now. But chuck says it's easy to drop out.

Can you call the school and find out if there's some special papers we need to sign?

My God. You're too lazy to even drop out yourself.

No. Chuck says it's not that hard, and chuck says the last couple years of high school are sort of a waste anyway, and chuck says that if All right.

That's it. I got something to show you.

Grab your coat.

Chuck doesn't wear a coat.

Shut up.

So you think you got it all figured out, huh?

You think you wanna be like chuck?

Let's see how chuck lives.

Sure, he has his own place, but it's a trailer he bought at a police auction.

I want you to take a good look at the life this guy's living.

Is this chuck's place?

Look at all those girls.

Okay, but if you look past the really fun party, you'll see...

There's a guy with a crossbow! Sweet!

Axl, hang on.

Axl, I'm trying to make you see that chuck's life is not all that great.

Wow, what is she wearing?

The point is, chuck never went to college, so chuck has no options.

God! I'm talking about working where you work, following in your footsteps.

I thought that'd make you happy.

After you finish college, if you look at all your options, and decide that the quarry is what you want to do, then great, but I want you to have choices.

I want you to be able to do whatever you want to do.

That's what would make me happy.

You're acting like I haven't given any thought to my future. I have.

Really?

Yeah.

Like, if the quarry thing doesn't work out, listen to this. I go on a reality show, get famous, and then people will pay me to wear their clothes.

Okay. You know what? You're an idiot.

Hey.

No. You are. You're an idiot.

I-I tried to get creative here, and I tried to teach you by example, hoping that you'd get it, but you're too stupid to get it right now.

I don't think you're supposed to call your kid an idiot.

Just an observation.

Don't b*at yourself up over it. It's not your fault.

I was an idiot at your age, too.

So until you're no longer an idiot, I will be making the decisions for you, and that means you're not dropping out of school, you're going to college, and those mutton-chops you talked about growing - not happening.

Whoa. I feel like you're trying to make me doubt myself.

Yes. That's exactly what I'm trying to do.

Let me make it simple.

Any instinct you have right now...

Do the opposite.

Trust me. Someday in the future, when you're done being an idiot and you have an idiot of your own, you'll come back and thank me.

So I'm guessing you're not gonna let me go to chuck's party.

See, you're getting smarter already.

So, like, what kind of stuff did you do?

Oh, that's not important.

The important thing is that I turned out okay, and I'm pretty sure you're gonna turn out okay, too.

Pretty sure?

75, 80%.

No, seriously. What kind of stuff did you do?

My junior year, I think, and my buddy Greg and I decided that it might be fun to jump off an overpass onto a moving bus.

Have I ever met Greg?

No, you haven't.

The truth is, as a parent, you're gonna end up using everything in your arsenal...

Common sense, prayer, even a little magic.

'Cause in this universe, some things are explainable, like why the most selfish man in the whole world would end up paying for a girls' cross-country team...

And some things are unexplainable.

Want to see some real magic?

I just bought this universal remote.

Once I open the package it's not returnable.

Now watch carefully, as I open it up, and...

Found it.