01x07 - Claw of Shame

[bunniefuu]

Good evening.

We're coming to you from the historic elysian park in los angeles, california.

Now, every week on my show, I challenge people to take big risks.

But some have been critical that I never take risks myself.

Well, tonight, that's all gonna change.

Over the past month, I've been learning how to pick the lock on these police-grade handcuffs.

"why?" you ask.

Because tonight I'm gonna take a bigger risk than anyone has ever taken on television before.

In just a few moments, I'm going to be handcuffed to this solid steel frame, and I'll have exactly 90 seconds to free myself before the claw on this robotic arm undoes my pants, exposing me to an audience of children.

If that happens, an l.A.P.D. Officer is standing by to arrest me for indecent exposure.

We've all seen escape artists risk death before.

But tonight, I'm going to risk something even worse: becoming a registered sex offender for life.

And what you're going to see tonight is 100% real.

Welcome to Nathan for you.

This is the claw of shame.

[dramatic music]

Now, you know this is controversial, right?

What do I gain by doing this?

Nothing.

If he's gonna escape, if he's gonna go to jail.

I might not even attempt it.

He's taking a big risk.

If you've seen my show before, you know I usually focus on helping small businesses by bringing them big ideas.

But tonight's episode is going to be a bit different.

Right now, you're seeing my final practice run, my last chance to get the escape right before risking life as a sex offender.

But to get to this point, it took months of planning and preparation.

Firstly, I am not an escape artist.

And though I have some experience doing magic as a teenager...

There's nothing in the bag, right?

Yeah.

[giggles]

Bag is completely empty.

You can see right through it.

I quit performing years ago and have never done an escape before.

So I booked a training session with escape master mark paskell so I could learn how to pick the locks on a pair of cuffs.

How do I escape from handcuffs?

A shim.

Oh.

If you have a shim, you can--

Is that a hair clip?

This is a hair clip, but it's-- it's adapted a little bit.

You get in there... [click] And push.

Right.

Then you can get out.

Even after he taught me, it took me over 30 minutes to pick the lock.

I had a lot of work ahead of me to get my time down to 90 seconds.

And after some practicing, I told mark my idea for the escape: to have two stagehands pulling down my pants with ropes, exposing me to the public.

And since mark was clearly an expert on this stuff, I was hoping to have him as an official advisor on the escape.

I mean, what do you think?

Mm, I don't know.

It's moving a little bit out of my field.

I guess I could say you're a consultant on the escape.

[exhales]

Mm, I don't know. I'll have to get back to you.

Would you want that?

I'll have to get back to you on that, think on it.

We'll just credit you as a consultant on the escape.

I appreciate that.

It's no big deal.

We'll just give it to you.

Appreciate that, but--

It's done. It's as good as done.

I appreciate it, but what I'm saying is, I will get back to you.

You'll get back to me about the credit?

Yeah.

Well, we'll just put it in anyways.

Just, we'll put it in the credits of the show.

I never heard back from mark, but at least I knew how to pick handcuffs.

What I didn't know was the legal requirement for becoming a sex offender.

So I found an actual california judge that would agree to advise me on the escape on camera, the honorable anthony filosa.

So if I don't escape in 90 seconds, I'll be exposed to some people.

What are "some people"?

Just, like, adults or something?

I don't know.

Children? Adults?

Is children better?

Interesting question.

Both could be offended.

More likely children, insofar as that it's offensive, period.

So you're saying it's better to use children?

I-I don't really think it's my place to suggest it.

Okay. Sure.

All right?

Yeah, I really don't.

I took the judge's suggestion that I should expose myself to children, and on top of that, he was a treasure trove of information on how to become a sex offender.

There would have to be the element of willfulness proven.

So would it help if, right before I did it, I said, "I'm doing this on purpose to expose myself"?

Well, you just abandon any precaution.

"you know, folks, something could happen, you know, and if it does, so what?"

Something like that.

So it's like, you know, if this goes wrong, I don't really care.

Too bad, 'cause I--

Too bad.

I'm gonna--

Too bad, I--

I'm gonna get off. It's gonna make me horny.

Well, whatever.

The most troubling thing I learned from him, though, was that if anyone helped me pull my pants down, they could go to jail too.

That person is as guilty as you are.

So I can't have any helpers.

Right.

I didn't want to put anyone at risk besides myself.

So if no human could do it, I was gonna have to use a robot.

And the search took months, with everyone from u.S. Defense companies to nasa telling us the technology didn't exist to have a robot pull down someone's pants.

But I didn't give up, and eventually, I found a company that said they could do it.

So this is it.

This is a kuka-robotics k.R. 15-2.

After john showed me the robot, I explained to him specifically what I needed it to do.

Then, once the pants are down, I want it to come up here, hook onto the boxers, and pull those down.

John suggested making custom-designed pants with loops that would make it easier for the robot to remove them, so I hired a tailor to make the pants to john's specifications.

And over the week they were being made, he informally became my practice partner.

I borrowed a pair of his underwear so we could pull down my pants all the way without seeing my penis.

90.

The pants being taken off was definitely distracting, but I was getting closer to my 90-second goal.

Time, time, stop it. What do I got?

Okay, 150.

And after getting an hour or so of training in, the completed pants were packaged up and delivered to reel efx so the robot could begin being programmed.

In the meantime, I wanted to find out the real consequences of going to prison as a sex offender, so I met up with jimmy murphy, who's served over 11 years for a variety of violent crimes.

I'll tell you this.

In there, it's the last thing you want to be.

It's the lowest.

What would happen to me in there?

Well, you know, you'd probably, uh, go--

Go to your cell, and you'd find a couple of snickers bars on your pillow.

Oh, wow.

And then--

So this doesn't sound that bad at all.

No, you'd go in there, and you'd say, "oh, wow, what a gift."

You know, and you'd eat the stuff.

Well, someone's gonna come and say, "hey.

What happened to my chocolate?"

And you're gonna go, "oh, I, uh, I ate that."

And then they're gonna go, "well, you need to pay for that."

Yeah, how? I don't have any money.

Well, then you might find your head bouncing off somebody's belt buckle.

I don't want to do that.

No, of course you don't.

'cause there's a lot of belt buckles in there.

Really?

Oh, yeah, you'll grow tired.

They allow you to wear belts in prison?

No, it's a--

So how would it work?

They just give you the buckle?

Well, no, I, uh--

So there's no belt buckle.

Well, no, not really.

I meant--

So my head wouldn't be bouncing around any belt buckles.

So, in other words, you'd have a [bleep] In your mouth.

I mean, it probably wouldn't bounce, too, because I would stop when I got to the balls before I got in.

I don't know how you do it.

Well, that's how I would.

I'd never really been forced to picture how I'd give oral sex to a man, but after visualizing it, I began to question if this entire stunt was actually worth it.

My concerns were heightened when I returned to reel efx to find the robot acting unpredictably.

[clang]

To make matters worse, I found out that the robot whose precision would determine my fate ran on windows 95.

It's as good--

You've gotta be kidding me.

My parents threw out their computer that ran windows 95, like, seven years ago because minesweeper wasn't working properly.

It's okay. 'cause what happens--

Honestly, like, my life, like--

This is moving within an--

Right.

Millimeters of my body.

I was mainly concerned because on the day of the escape, john would have to step away from the controls and let the program run automatically.

But he assured me the software would work.

So the robot was transported to elysian park, where a crew of over 50 people worked for two straight days to prepare for tonight's historic stunt.

Male announcer: tonight, Nathan Fielder risks the ultimate shame, facing a heartless robot thats only mission is to expose his private parts.

This might be the most dangerous stunt ever imagined.

Announcer: Children watching... [child screams] L.A.P.D. Present...

[siren wails]

And all in the dark of night.

You know, I've been put on earth for a reason, and I believe this is god's plan for me.

Announcer: The world is watching.

Will he inspire millions and honor his home country of Canada or end up behind bars and risk deportation?

Never before attempted in the history of television...

I mean, this is a comedy central show.

I mean, this is-- it's crazy what we're doing.

Announcer: Will he escape, or won't he?

Nathan Fielder takes on...

We're just moments away from the escape, and tonight, I cannot risk failure.

But one thing I've learned over the years is that you can't be afraid of failing.

In fact, on my show, when I help businesses, I fail all the time.

And I'm normally shy to show those moments, but tonight, I'm going to make an exception.

So let's take a look now at some of my greatest failures.

One of my least popular ideas was for a completely germ-free hot dog stand.

At outdoor food carts, it's easy for germs to transfer from money to your food, so to completely eliminate this, I designed a hands-free method to apply condiments to the wiener.

Also, there would be a second employee whose only job is to handle the money.

What are you doing with the wallet?

We're doing a germ-free experience, so you don't handle your own money.

Oh, really?

But people were a bit annoyed with the money handling part.

Can I have my wallet back?

And the hands-free onion dispenser proved to be problematic as well.

So you have to up-- one up, one down.

When it hits the table, the onions will fall.

And drop it. Keep dropping it.

Up and down, drop it.

Fast.

Oops.

Oh.

Ugh.

This is not gonna work. It's not gonna work.

That's nothing to do with the contraption.

If you drop a hot dog, you drop a hot dog.

The public just wasn't ready for the germ-free hot dog experience, so I laid the concept to rest.

Next, I had an idea for a tearless way to tell a child that their pet has d*ed, to be an up-sell service for an animal hospital.

The concept was to make a video of the pet while it's still alive, telling the child it's in animal heaven now.

I hired the only voice actor that responded to my craigslist ad to be the dog.

But when we showed it to the owner's child...

[gentle harp music]

[foreign accent] Oh, it's me, madi.

I'm in heaven now.

So sorry I d*ed.

I miss you so much.

I'm happy here, so I'm not coming home.

No, she doesn't.

No.

What--aw.

It's okay.

He hated his dog's voice.

Another flubbed idea.

And lastly, my favorite ideas don't just help with business.

They're good for the community as well.

So I approached a bar with an innovative way to stop drunks from getting behind the wheel.

The concept was to have a street magician stationed outside the bar, performing a magic trick that allows him to secretly test the blood alcohol levels of patrons as they leave.

And with my background in magic, I offered to test it out.

For my final trick, I'm going to need your keys.

My keys?

Yes.

Great. Give the wand a blow.

Okay, a little bit harder, right into the top.

Okay, and you are over the legal limit.

Okay.

Blood alcohol.

So your keys are gone.

Oh!

And I cannot give them back to you.

Okay.

Sorry.

But that's when I realized the flaw in my idea.

If I held on to his keys and he took a cab, the guy couldn't get into his apartment.

Could I get my keys, please?

I can't, because you're drunk.

Please give me my keys.

And the only solution at that point was to drive him home.

You live far.

I know I do.

Also, once I got him home, I realized I couldn't just give him his keys until he was asleep, or else he might go out and drive again.

You need to see me sleeping?

I need to see you fall asleep before I leave your keys, or else you might take them and go out again.

You don't brush your teeth before bed?

Usually not.

I usually brush my teeth in the morning.

Really?

Yep.

I know it's kind of gross, but nobody else is really paying attention to the way my breath smells.

So I had to put him to bed and make sure he went to sleep...

♪ and if that looking glass gets broke ♪

♪ mama's gonna get you a billy goat ♪

Before I left his keys.

So, as you can see, even the greatest minds fail sometimes.

Ohh!

But failing tonight is not an option.

Besides the risk to me, there are ten innocent children participating in tonight's event, and I don't take that lightly.

So earlier today, I spoke with their parents to assure them they had nothing to worry about.

Hey, guys. How's everyone doing?

Great, thank you.

Great.

Good.

So, before we begin, I just wanted to give you some assurance.

Uh, we're gonna be blurring all your faces, so you don't have to worry about, you know, coworkers being like, "why did you let your kid do that for $100?"

You know, or questions like that from, you know, the community or anything.

You don't have to worry about that.

Okay, great. Wish me luck.

Okay.

So I now have on the custom-made pants that the robot will be removing.

Um, you know, we're gonna give these kids a bit of a bathroom break before I begin, but when we return, it will be the escape.

[dramatic music]

All right, so we're about ready to begin.

Everyone has been cleared out of the escape area besides the necessary people.

Officer billy smalling is here, obviously the children, and judge anthony filosa to do some final checks.

I'm now going to hand over the reins to matt "money" smith, national sportscaster, who'll be calling the event.

Matt, thanks for doing this.

Well, thanks for having me, Nathan.

And do you have any questions for me?

Well, I think the obvious one is, why are you doing this?

You know, for-- for the show and stuff.

Yeah.

Well, I-I just get the sense that perhaps--

I mean, you know this is controversial, right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Good luck.

All right.

All right.

Thanks, matt.

And with that, the escape is just moments away, so let's learn a little more about Nathan Fielder.

[upbeat folk music]

Nathan was born in 1983, the only son of two canadian civil servants, eric and deborah.

♪

Which brings us to tonight.

And we are minutes away from the big escape, and right now, it looks like Nathan is having some final words with the honorable judge filosa, so let's listen in.

So does everything look good in terms of the setup for an indecent exposure conviction if I--

If I fail tonight to escape?

Uh, apparently it does.

Um--

Good. That's all I needed to know.

Thank you. And, officer smalling...

And now Nathan's stepping over to officer smalling, and he is going to go ahead and inspect those handcuffs and make sure they are up to standard.

Double-locked... [clears throat] Smith & wesson police handcuffs, just like we were issued in the police academy.

Okay, great, and here is the key.

Well, everything seems to be in order, and now Nathan is stepping over to a laptop, where his mom and dad are standing by via skype.

And they don't know what Nathan has planned tonight.

Hi, guys.

But he wanted to hear their voices before stepping to the stage.

I don't know if you can hear me, but, uh, I'm about to do something very risky, um, so the next time I talk to you might be behind bulletproof glass.

Oh, wow.

Why?

I can't really get into it right now.

I don't have time. But I just want to say that I love you guys.

And, you know, wish me luck, okay?

Well, Nathan, what are you-- what are you--

What's going on?

You guys? Can you hear me?

Hello?

Well, apparently a lack of an internet connection up here.

Don't know whether or not they heard that message.

But heartfelt, nonetheless.

[tense music]

And it's time now for Nathan to make his way to the stage.

You know, you wonder what's going on in Nathan's mind right now and if any amount of preparation is enough...

All right.

For the pressure that he's facing here tonight.

Nathan now making his way into position.

You can see officer smalling locking him into that loop, and that is a solid steel frame.

Put this around my wrist.

Certainly an adorable group of kids brought in tonight.

Certainly hope the night doesn't end with them seeing a man expose himself to them.

Well, now that Nathan's locked in, the crew gonna do one last look-over, so we'll step away for a commercial, and when we return, the escape.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

All right, we're back, and this is it.

The stage is set.

Nathan has 90 seconds to free himself from those cuffs and hit that red button to his right.

The button is a k*ll switch.

It is the only thing that can stop the programmed motion of the robot from taking off Nathan's pants in front of these kids.

And now he will deliver the line given to him by judge filosa.

Something might happen here, and if it does, so what?

And with that, he has established willful intent.

So if he exposes himself tonight, in the eyes of the law, it will not be considered an accident.

Ready!

Go!

And we are underway now.

Hmm, struggling. Looked as though he--

He pulled a pick straight from his hair.

Nathan working on those handcuffs.

We are 80 seconds away from a lifetime of scorn for Nathan.

[tense music]

Now the robot going to that--

That fly. The fly is down.

And while he's working on the handcuffs, the robot continues to work on the pants.

♪

Appears as though he's taunting.

No, he's going for that loop.

Now has the button undone.

♪

And the kids laughing along with the robot's antics.

[robot whirring]

Nathan struggling with that pick.

He dropped the pick.

♪

It looks like it's caught on his clothing, and now he's trying to retrieve it, and he's got it.

Got it with his-- what a close call, as he retrieves the pick with his tongue.

Had that fallen to the ground, it would have been all over.

Next is going to be those loops on the hip.

This is getting tight here.

The robot now has both pant legs down, is about to secure the loop on the underpants, and Nathan's still working on those cuffs.

We are just 20 seconds away.

Nathan working those handcuffs.

And now it looks as though, with the pants down, the robot going for that underwear loop.

We are now at ten seconds and counting.

♪

We have just a couple seconds left.

Oh, no, we are seeing pubic hair.

[buzzer]

But he has escaped.

Nathan Fielder has managed to escape and save himself from a lifetime of shame.

There's the replay.

The moment where he was able to pick the cuffs, hit the button just in time.

And you can see the relief on his face.

[triumphant music]

Well, there you see it.

He took on great risk, and now this, his reward.

Congratulations from the judge and officer.

Good job.

Thank you.

Um, so the robot pulled his pants down.

But he won.

[giggles] So--

It was really funny.

I really wanted his pants to fall down 'cause it's hilarious.

I would have been sort of offended if it--if his underwear fell down, but not that much.

He pressed the button, and then it didn't fall down.

I was like, "yes!"

I was like, "hallelujah."

♪

Okay, before you guys-- before you guys leave, remember to always take big risks and believe in yourself and follow your dreams, just like I did.

I dre--well, yeah, I did.

It was-- it was a dream of--

[all laughing, chattering at once]

You kind of talked over my speech.

Okay. Fine.

Let's go. Let's go.