02x05 - Super Fun Guys
Posted: 10/20/15 20:15
"Don't worry, Whimsical Boy. Dr. Power Pants has been banished to the Intergalactic Slacks Rack, where he will be sent to Suspenders Animation."
Get it?
Instead of suspended animation, suspenders animation.
Very clever.
You seem tired.
Maybe we should save the rest for Wednesday.
Yeah, I would love to.
Um, but I... have a procedure scheduled.
What kind of procedure?
Deep brain stimulation.
My tremors have gotten worse, so they're gonna put this--
The tip of an electrode into the thalamus of your brain and then connect that to a pacemaker.
They're hopeful it gives me a better quality of life these last few months.
Don't say that.
I thought geniuses like facts.
Not that one.
I'm nervous.
If they're off by a fraction of an inch, I could lose my vision, my ability to speak.
Can you be there when I come out of it?
I know it's silly, but if I open my eyes and I see you, I'll be reassured.
I will absolutely be there.
It'll take a few days for the doctors to know if the procedure's a success, so, please, don't tell anyone... especially not Walter.
Cabe: All right, jab-- one, two!
(punches land)
One, three!
All right, can't wait for Toby to get here... so he can watch his twin sister box.
One, three, six!
(grunting)
Aah!
(whoops)
I told you to throw an uppercut, and you threw a hook.
Correction-- I threw a hook right through concrete.
Cabe, I think I'm ready for a smoker.
Some church-basement, amateur-hour slug fest?
Let me get in the ring.
You know these pillars fight back in a smoker.
Happy: Don't get too excited.
That wall's water-damaged.
Seriously?
Sylvester: Not just the walls.
The pipe above my desk has been dripping onto my workspace.
This is absurd.
If the collective IQ of NASA scientists had a baby with the brains of M.I.T. researchers, they'd give birth to us.
Yet somehow, we work in a dingy garage that is falling apart at the seams.
It's a sham!
Or a mockery.
Both: A shmockery.
Sounds like this place is in need of some serious Ray-novations.
He's still here?
Ray: Luckily for you.
I'm gonna fix this place up.
The least I can do for letting me live here.
Yeah, I think I missed that vote.
Well, I'm off for my morning constitutional.
Morning.
What's up?
We want to get out of this dump.
Well, that's not happening.
All my funds have gone into my rocket and Megan's research.
Hit up your billionaire pal Elia for some cash.
That's inappropriate.
Okay, I have an idea.
Why don't you guys kick in?
I'll give up equity in the company for an influx of cash.
I just bought a '43 Harley Knucklehead that's roached.
I am what you would call cash-poor.
All my money is tied up in comic books.
Two words-- race and track.
Wow.
Sounds like you guys could use an influx of cash.
Who's ready to work?
Organized crime members in Kazakhstan have obtained a Soviet 1970s-era nuke.
They are preparing to sell it tomorrow night to the highest bidder.
Starting price-- 20 million.
And none of the potential buyers are our friends.
Intel tracked the m*ssile to an abandoned Soviet naval base on the Ishim River, containing 47 warehouses on 100 hectares.
It's deserted, except for the occasional security patrol, but those guys are unarmed private contractors.
We have no idea where the m*ssile is on this base.
So, you want the guys in the flea-infested garage to find it.
That's fine. Our fee is $5 billion.
Zip it.
Katherine?
Well, if Scorpion can use their tech skills to locate the building the warhead is being stored in, we can then send in a SEAL team from neighboring Kyrgyzstan to take down these sellers and disarm and confiscate this weaponry.
Soviet-era buildings were constructed with lead and concrete, so a Geiger counter or thermography won't help us find it.
Walter: Yeah, you said the, uh, m*ssile is from the '70s, so we're probably dealing with an R-400 Elbrus?
Very good.
Yeah, well, I own a Russian rocket.
Anyway, the Elbrus releases an electrical hum in the 40 kilohertz range.
Humans can't hear it.
Dogs can't hear it.
But I could rig a sensor, like a tricked-out microphone that could pick it up.
Won't get the exact building, but we can narrow it down to two or three.
Walter: Yeah, and then we can narrow it down from there, so logic dictates that whoever's hiding the m*ssile will have a temporary security system in place until the sale is complete, most likely on a Wi-Fi transmitter.
Well, if we build a strong Wi-Fi receiver and get it close enough to a cluster of suspected buildings, then the bounce-back of Wi-Fi signals can map out the negative space in the building like radar.
And we can see a general shape of what's in the building via reading software on our laptops.
Okay, but how do we get the tech into Kazakhstan?
Even a cursory profile at customs will show we're government contractors.
You'll go in undercover as a film crew sh**ting behind-the-scenes DVD footage for a Hollywood production in Kazakhstan for the tax breaks.
Here's the dossiers.
And they contain information on the film production and on your new identities.
Super Fun Guy?
They told the message boards they were gonna be sh**ting in Bulgaria to throw them off!
But I knew the topography of Bulgaria did not match Super Fun Guy's Temple of Chuckles!
Wow! This is gonna be so much fun.
Hmm? Excuse me, do you have enough coverage for your son until tomorrow afternoon?
Because you're gonna need to be on point on this mission.
Your friends seem unable to be anything other than what they are, and if you guys are gonna get in and out of Kazakhstan without be--
I'll need to be the face of a regular, normal film crew, got it.
On it.
Setting stun g*n to Tons of Fun!
(laughing)
Fantastic.
Hey, I got this for you.
You can park it outside the dollhouse.
(imitates motorcycle engine)
Thank you.
It's nice.
I thought her dad said the best bet was to give her space.
I am. We're just friends.
You and I are just friends.
How come I've never gotten a gift?
I got you a Super Fun Guy T-shirt from that street vendor.
One-- it was a Chinese knockoff.
Two-- it said Super Joy Joy Guy.
And three-- you need to let this Happy thing lie!
Happy and I are just friends.
(cell phone ringing)
Megan?
The doctors are moving my procedure up to tomorrow night.
You can still make it, right?
So, this will really give us X-ray vision?
Well, in theory.
You know, I set up Wi-Fi in the trailer for Ray, so let's test my hypothesis.
Okay, picking up Wi-Fi bounce back.
Ray, is everything all right in there?
(loud music playing)
Hey, broseph, what's up?
Nothing.
All right, I'm gonna get back to it.
Okay.
He's your friend.
Walter, may I talk to you for a moment?
I'm concerned that the, uh, the Wi-Fi receiver might be, uh, detected if it's inspected too closely by customs.
It's about Kazakhstan. So, maybe before we get there, we can put a false shell around the interior?
Well, that's the thing. I'm not going.
Um, I don't understand.
I can't go.
I'm not going.
Is this about the flight?
'Cause Paige will be with you.
No, I just...
It's a personal reason, and I cannot say.
Look, I-I can provide all the software support remotely from here and I will not let you down.
Apart from not going with us on this case.
Okay, well, have a good flight.
This is what Homeland got for us?
It makes me miss the garage.
Eh, it could be worse.
Stop complaining.
Cabe, we're helping pilfer a stolen nuclear warhead for the good of mankind.
All I'm asking for is a room without Legionnaire's disease.
Okay, guys, we will not be here for long.
Okay, once we find the location of the m*ssile, Cabe calls it in to the SEAL team, and we're out.
Happy, good to go?
Yeah, I'm done.
Ladies and gentlemen, the world's shortest boom mic operator.
Whoops.
Wow, you literally lowered the boom on me.
Let's get to it.
I'll go with.
The guys holding the warhead might have men patrolling the base looking for anyone that might disrupt their $20 million deal.
I thought you had to leave your w*apon at home 'cause of customs-- what can you do without a g*n?
(screams)
He can do that.
Though Super Fun Guy's fictional domain is Guffaton, the big-screen version of his story will be filmed right here in Kazakhstan, where we are behind the scenes.
"Guffaton"? It's Guffawtown!
Sheesh, Toby, if she doesn't know the mythology, she's gonna be busted for sure!
Settle down, Beavis. I don't anyone cares what Nerd-burg Super Dork Guy hails from.
Uh, guys, we got company.
Paige: Uh, nothing to see here.
Just a fake film crew.
Toby: He's almost gone.
Be cool.
All right, guys, let's get back to it.
We've been at it all day; we got to be getting closer.
We are getting close.
I am picking up a hum at 41.5 kilohertz.
Building 37?
Nothing.
No wireless signal from building 37, so odds are no m*ssile in there.
You got that, Sly?
Got it.
Walter: Okay.
Building 27.
All right, getting closer to a wireless signal.
Looks like some small crates.
It's too small for a nuke, but we're getting warmer.
Building 33.
Man: Hey. Are you guys with the Super Fun Guy crew?
Paige: Yes. Who the hell is this?
Happy, if this guy makes a move, you crack him with the boom mic and run right to the van.
I'm a location scout.
It seems we've filmed every bit of this country, but the idiot producers want us to find something more exotic.
(chuckles) You know what it's like.
(scoffs) Do I.
Well, I'll see you around the set.
Yeah, right.
Take it easy.
We got three team members out there, and the only one you're concerned with is Happy.
Thought you guys were just friends.
Sylvester told you my business.
Judas.
Okay, back to building 33.
Toby: Either that's a m*ssile on a flatbed truck, or they got the world's largest banana in there.
That's not all that's in there. Look.
They've got on-site babysitters for the nuke.
Sylvester, give me the longitude and latitude of building 33.
We're calling in the Navy SEALs.
Sylvester: Roger that. That's one rogue nuclear m*ssile captured.
I hate to say it, but this one was easy.
We deserve easy once in a while.
Copy that.
It's a shame we can't stay long enough to catch some filming, get Sylvester a souvenir from set.
I will never understand the allure of comic books.
Superheroes, evil villains.
It's nonsense. We do it all the time.
We aren't mortals who got powers from radiation exposure.
We're simply organisms with abnormally dense brains that process glucose at a rate high enough to allow for an advanced thought process.
Not to mention men fighting each other in skin-tight latex suits and identity-concealing masks.
Don't get me started on those psychological underpinnings.
(knocking on door)
Location Scout: Guys, it's me.
It's that location scout.
Location Scout: The, uh, the Kazakh police is after me.
I didn't have a permit on me and I don't have any bribe money.
Hey, I saw your van outside.
Guys, please.
Before somebody sees me out here.
We don't want the authorities led here.
He's right. Let him in.
Thank you.
Those cops will take your gold fillings.
Nobody move. Or I'll k*ll her.
Hey, hey, hey.
Easy, pal. Pockets inside out.
All of you.
We don't have any weapons. Just take it easy.
We're just a film crew.
Oh, really?
Uh-huh.
Then why is it when you were talking into the microphone, nothing... nothing was registering on her laptop?
Huh?
Because it wasn't plugged in.
Which means that you... are after something else.
You are spies.
There must be a-a malfunction with...
My father worked for the Soviet radio-- I know sound equipment.
Then-then you'll know that... that they can malfunction.
So, please, please, before you hurt innocent people, just... inspect my cameras.
I'm sure that you'll find that there was a-a defect that was interfering with the mic transmission.
Hold it up. Hold it up so I can see it.
With pleasure. (grunting)
Nice tackle, boss.
Four years all-county.
I still got it.
How many men are inside that building guarding the m*ssile?
Four. No, uh, seven.
Maybe 12-- I really can't remember.
Did you tell anyone about us?
Yup-- Super Fun Guy.
He's not gonna tell us anything. Let's just leave before his friends start looking for him.
We have Navy SEALs preparing to storm that building.
They could be walking into a trap if this guy told his buddies about suspicious Americans moving around the base.
(phone rings)
Cooper, what do you got?
Copy.
Understood.
All right, stick by the horn, Katherine. We might need you.
I like nothing about the tenor of that phone call.
Well, we don't have to worry about the Navy SEALs walking into a trap. They've been grounded.
Homeland picked up chatter from this guy telling his buddies about us.
He promised to check us out further and call them back within ten minutes with an update.
And then, when he didn't, they figured he was in trouble and that outside forces, namely the American government, were aware of their imminent warhead deal.
Gets better.
Our arms dealer pals?
They used their pull with the Kazakh government.
They've secured the borders and grounded flights in and out of the country, claiming a swine flu outbreak.
So we're stuck in a foreign country with no help and no way out.
We seem to have a habit of getting into situations like this, don't we?
Where is Super Fun Guy when you need him?
♪ Scorpion 2x05 ♪
Super Fun Guys
Original Air Date on October 19, 2015
Paige: Can we sneak across the border?
This isn't the U.S. and Mexico. We'd get caught.
There is dense forest in the country's interior.
Maybe you could hide out there while Cooper sets up an extraction in a week or so.
Maybe wait for things to calm down a bit?
Hey, chief, where would one find a plunger?
Not now.
Roger that.
Cabe: We're not running, we're not hiding.
And even if we could get out of here, that nuke sale would till go through, and the buyer ain't gonna be a decorator buying an accent piece.
We might want to get out of here, but that m*ssile-- we're gonna see it again, guaranteed, when it hits Atlanta, Chicago or L.A.
Okay, okay, so, problem solving 101: what is our goal?
We need to get to the nuke.
Right, okay, and what's our obstacle?
Guaranteed death from Eastern Bloc mobsters.
So we can't get into that building. Kind of a roadblock.
Not if we don't want to go in that building.
But we could go under it. Look at this.
Here are the guards. Here's the m*ssile, and look at this convex circle on the floor here.
Is that a defect in the concrete?
Or a metal hatch.
Kazakhstan has bad winters.
U.S. colleges have underground tunnels so students don't have to walk for miles in the snow. Why not this place?
Sylvester: I'm in the schematics of the base.
Happy was right. There are multiple steam tunnels crisscrossing between the buildings. If you can make it to building 28, there's a tunnel that runs 50 yards to the hatch that Happy spotted in the m*ssile warehouse.
Okay, okay. So, back to problem solving 101.
Once we're in, how do we disable a Soviet-era nuclear warhead resting on a flatbed truck with armed guards in the next room?
Delicately.
I could rewire it, but that just slows the bad guys until they find someone to fix it after we're gone.
What if we just leave it where it is and neutralize it?
Neutralize enriched uranium?
Yeah, if you submerge uranium for two minutes in nitric acid, it will lose efficacy.
They'd be selling a dud.
Okay, cool, we'll just run down to the corner store, pick up some peanut brittle and nitric acid.
Sylvester: He's right.
But you can get nitric acid from a munitions factory.
It's a main component in gunpowder.
Just did a quick search and there is a munitions plant 12 miles from your location.
Walter: Okay, great work.
Now text the address and then hack the ministry of defense to get the specs of that plant.
Okay, I just sent the address.
(watch beeping)
And I will get you those specs in a bit.
Uh, no, I-I need it now, pal.
You will get them before you arrive.
Sylvester?
(phone rings)
Hello?
Hey. I'm just checking in because I know you're going to prep soon.
I'm scared.
And I know what it's like to be scared better than anybody else.
But tonight you're gonna wake up in recovery, 100% fine, and I will be there to tell you so.
Sylvester, I really do love you.
I love you, too.
I'll see you tonight.
Okay.
I'm sorry to hear your friend is sick.
Seriously?
We have to put a bell on you.
I know how you feel.
No, you don't.
You feel powerless, because you can't do anything to make her situation better.
Right?
You are ill-informed.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to hack into the Kazakhstan Ministry of Defense.
Bro, I've lived in a Gremlin for two years.
I know about feeling powerless.
But it doesn't last forever.
Opportunities to be strong present themselves every day.
Like thunderstorms.
Thunderstorms don't present themselves every day.
Now who's ill-informed?
Cabe: Security inside each main entrance.
Patrol car looping the grounds. Everything's watched.
Don't think we can tell 'em we're a film crew doing a piece on nitric acid.
Nobody's watching those domes.
Toby: Who the hell would want to break into a water tower?
Actually, they're filled with sand, because nothing is more dangerous than a chemical fire in a munitions factory.
Now, in a fire, those dozen tanks around the building launch sand through those pipes right inside to suffocate the flames.
I stand corrected.
Who the hell would want to break into a sand tower?
We would. Now, I'd hack the building's server, set off the fire alarm.
The deluge system kicks in, sending sand-- and one of us-- flying into the chemical storage room.
Right to the nitric acid.
According to the plans Sly sent, we'd go through the east tower.
Workers will think there's a munitions fire.
They'll be running out of there like Jesse Owens.
And whoever's inside can slip out in the chaos.
Speaking of which, who will be inside?
Well, nitric acid is dangerous, so it's always stored in an airtight, locked safety cabinet.
We'll need someone to get in, pick the lock and then get out in seconds.
Great.
I'm hacking the fire alarm.
Unlocked.
I'm dropping into the hatch now.
How's it looking in there?
Sandy.
Walter: Happy, I'm about to set off the fire alarm. Now, on my go, inhale deep, 'cause you're gonna be buried alive for about 20 seconds.
Oh, sounds lovely.
Okay, go.
(alarm wailing)
(grunts, groans)
Uh, not good.
What's wrong?
My leg is stuck and I am hanging upside down.
Cabe: You better hustle, kid.
If the firefighters get there before you get out, it's over.
Okay. I hate to complain, but I'm getting a little dizzy here.
(shouting)
Oh, my axilla.
What you up to, just hanging around?
Really?
(grunts) Come on.
(groans) Sorry.
Okay, what are you thinking, candy's gonna come out of me?
I can't reach.
Quit screwing around!
Firefighters will be there in minutes!
I got an idea.
What are you doing?
I am taking my pants off.
Dear Diary, it finally happened.
Okay, look out.
Uh... just friends.
Walter: Guys, hurry up.
Clock's ticking.
The lock's a joke.
I'll been in in a sec.
Open.
Okay, help me pull.
(grunts)
Got it!
As much as I hate saying this, you need to put this on.
(coughing)
(shouting in Russian)
Let's go!
I can't believe that worked.
I can't believe I left my pants in there.
I'm so glad I brought extra clothes.
You did?
Don't sound so disappointed.
It's creepy.
Okay, all we have to do now is take the underground tunnel to the nuclear warhead, compromise the uranium, and then get out of here.
All right, so we have a shot.
We have no shot.
Paige: All those people-- there's no way we get in there and into the tunnel without getting caught.
Sly, are you sure there's no other tunnels leading to the m*ssile warehouse?
No, just building 28. Why?
Nerds beat us to it.
That's the Super Fun Guy movie.
Walter: No. That is our one shot at getting to the warhead going up in smoke.
I can't believe it. We've stopped falling planes, crashing satellites, escaped from Cuba, but we're finally bested by a Hollywood film crew?
Happy: Let's just blow past these artsy-fartsy punks.
Paige: There's security.
They catch us, call the cops, we're nailed with fake I.D.'s.
Say good-bye to America for the next ten years.
I'm more concerned about the psychos with the m*ssile.
They're on high alert. They smell something fishy, gunplay breaks out and some of those film crew civilians get hurt.
Um, guys, I just saw a bunch of extras dressed as Super Fun Guy and his Krazy Krew, which means they must be sh**ting his epic battle versus the Imposter Roster.
Great. Go to NeverKissedAGirl.com and tell them all about it.
No, I-I am trying to make a point.
There are all those people out there, in disguises, walking freely about the building we're trying to access.
Okay, I pick up what you're laying down, but how do we get the costumes?
Leave that to me.
I am looking at the invoice right now!
Those props were supposed to be here last night!
So if they're not in my hands by tonight, one of us is gonna be looking for a job, and it ain't gonna be me.
(quietly): All right, Sylvester.
I'm right by the wardrobe trailer. Tell me what to get.
Okay. Super Fun Guy, of course.
And then you need two female costumes. So Patty Prankenstein and Zany Zoe.
Don't need a backstory, Poindexter. Just give me colors.
Teal, orange, red, blue, green.
(scatting softly)
How's it going, guys?
I'm starting to think we should just let 'em have the nuke.
Oh, wow, you look great!
With great responsibility comes a great wedgie.
This is just wrong.
I know. Whimsical Boy wasn't even a part of the Krazy Krew until year five of the mythology.
Don't say anything.
Just friends.
I don't know how the actors move in these things.
I want Homeland to double our fee.
I feel absurd. I don't like feeling absurd.
I can't believe I'm not there with you.
I can't believe I got caught by you people.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Okay. The R-400 warhead panel is sealed with 129 screws.
Now, Happy will be busy with the door, which leaves 43 screws each for me, Paige and Cabe.
Toby, you'll hold on to all of them... until we're ready to put the panel back on.
Happy: Six rotations per screw maximum should take 4.5 seconds, tops.
That's 2.325 minutes for each of you.
Plus four minutes to submerge the uranium in acid, and we should be in and out in just over seven minutes.
Done. Let's go.
I'll go first. Make sure it's safe.
And then I go down a ladder in this skirt?
Nice try.
Guys, you should be okay to enter the m*ssile warehouse.
I'm focused in on them.
I can see the guards now.
The image is a little clearer, and it's clearly four men playing cards. It appears they are playing hearts.
I repeat, they are playing hearts.
Walter: Sylvester, it's pitch-black down here. How much farther?
In 20 feet, there's a ladder that you can climb to the hatch.
♪ ♪
Happy, be careful. One of the guards is walking towards the door.
It's just a refrigerator.
We're okay. Refrigerator.
That's a refrigerator.
It's cool. We're good.
Okay, okay. The acid, acid.
Okay.
Okay.
(sizzling)
(exhales)
(quietly): Can't we just fast-forward and add the second piece of uranium?
We can k*ll two birds with one stone.
Well, if the two half spheres come into contact, they could reach critical mass and set off a nuclear blast.
Separate it is.
(chuckling)
What are you doing?
Shut it.
I'm sorry.
What?
It's just too funny.
Walter's in a superhero costume exposing himself to radiation.
Okay, it's not the time to get into character, Giggler.
(laughs) You lost your pants.
Toby, Toby, take a deep breath.
No, don't.
Don't, don't, don't.
The iron screws fell into the nitric acid to create nitric oxide.
It's laughing gas. (laughing)
Shut up.
Your hero name should be Super-ego!
Guys? They heard!
Hurry up and neutralize the rest of the uranium.
(men shouting in Russian)
(Toby laughing)
Paige: Guys?
Guys, they're cutting through the tape.
(men shouting in Russian)
Take cover!
(men shouting in Russian)
Oh!
Seriously outmanned! Get us out of here!
(men shouting in Russian)
(g*nf*re continues)
What happens if one of the b*ll*ts hits the m*ssile?
Nothing. But if it hits the uranium spheres, it's a nuclear reaction!
Are you kidding me?!
(click)
Are you kidding me?! Happy!
(engine starts)
Okay! Hold on to your supersuits!
(shouting in Russian)
(tires screeching)
Walter: Okay. Just need to dissolve the other half of the core, and then the m*ssile is useless.
Careful!
We need evac, stat!
We've got hostiles on our tail and the nuke in our possession!
Cooper: Homeland can't direct a chopper.
We're not supposed to be there!
So that's it? You're just gonna leave us high and dry?!
No, no, no. Homeland can't help you.
But if an international organization of 28 nations had proof that a humanitarian mission that was safeguarding civilians from a nuke was in jeopardy, different story!
Okay! I follow!
Sly, I need you to get to NATO and tell 'em we need an extraction!
But I've only ever driven once, as you know.
No buts! I need you to get a photograph to NATO!
(computer beeps)
Oh, boy, this is not good.
Cabe? Cabe? Cabe?!
I just looked up the address to the NATO office. Now get on!
What, on-on Happy's organ-donation machine?!
You want to stop feeling powerless?
You want to be a hero like your pals are being right now?
Then this is your moment, big fella.
Seize it like a superhero would.
(screaming)
Get the lead out, Hap.
This thing only has so much in her.
I can't hold them off forever!
Almost there!
Oh, no!
Ow, my face!
Nice shot!
Yeah, but now we don't have any acid, so we can't dissolve the uranium.
And those guys will be catching up to us soon enough.
Okay, what's our plan B?
There's only one option.
Toby, get online and search for Kazakhstan's precious mineral history.
I'm on it, pal.
But I don't like where you're going with this.
I thought you said disarming the nuke was a delay tactic, not a solution.
That's not what I'm doing.
I'm arming it.
My name is Sylvester Dodd.
I work with Agent Cabe Gallo, badge number 2835.
I'm requesting an immediate extraction from a humanitarian mission in Kazakhstan, where they are there protecting civilians from illegal nuclear weapons.
We're the National Association of Theater Owners.
You want the NATO on Pico.
That's my bad.
No choppers.
Come on, Sly, don't let us down.
You know, Walter, when I was ten, I got suspended for setting an M-80 off in a toilet.
This is worse.
There are no other options.
There are no civilians for miles.
And the mine's been shut for years because the land's already toxic.
Toxic, not blown up.
The entry shaft goes down 13 miles at a 42-degree angle.
Now, the U.S. detonated nukes just a few hundred feet under Nevada's soil.
Yes, Nevada.
Doing this here?
Kind of an act of w*r.
We let this fall into the wrong hands, it'll be far worse than eviscerating an already condemned mine.
Son, I got all the faith in the world in you.
But if we fire this off and the choppers don't come for us, we're captured, we're labeled t*rrorists, and then it's lights out.
If there's an abnormal configuration in this old mine, the blast could mushroom-cloud right under us.
We'd all be cooked.
Are you certain about this?
No, it's effectively an experiment.
And experiments have uncertainties.
Fantastic.
What I am certain of are my abilities.
Maybe it's the outfit, but I'm with Walter.
Okay, our friends are back.
Okay, okay.
Happy, raise the flatbed to a 21-degree angle.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Guys, get down!
It worked.
It's gone.
We did it.
(g*ns click)
You just cost me $20 million.
Now you all die.
Any ideas, Walt?
I don't want to die in this outfit.
Listen, these guys are just hired g*ns.
They follow my orders.
They had nothing to do with this.
(shouting in Russian)
(gasping, yelling)
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Looks like the Giggler delivered the punch line.
Did you just KO that guy?
It must be the uranium.
(helicopter flying nearby)
Oh, that-that works.
Sylvester did it.
I can't believe how awesome we must look right now.
You made it.
Of course I did. I promised.
You brought a friend?
And a motorcycle helmet?
Wild day?
Not really.
The hardest thing I had to do was visit a bureaucrat's office.
Did you know there are two NATOs?
Paige: I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to catch some Z's.
Toby: I'm so tired, I couldn't catch anything.
How's your hand?
Sore.
Well, that's the difference between gloves and no gloves.
Got to say, I was impressed with your right.
You turned your hips.
I have a decent teacher.
You still interested in getting in the ring?
No clue why, but yeah, I am.
Grab your gear and meet me out front in five minutes.
I'm taking you into Monty's Gym.
You got to start sparring.
And, uh, thanks for saving my ass out there today.
Cabe, are we becoming friends?
Now you ruined it.
Where the hell's my bike?
Come to think of it, where's Sylvester?
(tires squeal)
Hey!
No one rides my rides.
It's all right.
I needed a ride to order the helicopter, and Ray got me there.
Just getting back now?
All night bowling.
Won every frame.
Walter: That's incredible, Sylvester.
You got on a motorcycle.
I told you I'd get the job done.
Yeah, you did, at... at that.
Ray: Speaking of getting the job done, Wally, I fixed everything in here.
Patched all the walls, repaired all the pipe fittings, so no more leakage.
What is that?
What?
That.
Nothing, just... a T-shirt.
You are not part of Scorpion.
But I live here.
So does a possum in the rafters.
Well, I did kind of help you guys, you know, get out of Kazakhstan, so...
But it's spelled wrong.
We're a team of geniuses.
Two P's-- got it.
Eh...
Got it!
Oh, hey, uh... You really came through for us today.
Even with my messed-up EQ, I can tell that there's something weighing on you.
Is there something that you want to discuss or...?
Yes, there is.
But I can't.
Okay.
If you change your mind, then, uh...
Okay... Oh!
Ah! (laughs)
Almost forgot.
Got something for you.
I, uh, thought you might like it.
My costume.
Hey, I'm going to start wiring the dollhouse, if you want to help.
I got plans with Cabe.
Uh... rain check?
Uh, sure.
That's cool.
Well, have fun with Cabe.
See you.
What just happened?
You've been waiting for an in with Happy for months, and she just gave it to you.
Did the spandex cut off the blood to your brain?
Several times today, I realized I can't just be friends with her.
I am an addict.
First with gambling, then with her.
For her it's wiring a dollhouse; to me, it's an alcoholic just rubbing his lips against the beer bottle.
I can't do it.
So, what's the new plan?
There's only one way to break an addiction.
Cold turkey.
I'm done with her.
Overheard your conversation with Sylvester.
That was a nice thing you did.
Thought of a coworker's feelings, put yourself in his shoes, made a gesture.
That's real progress, Walter.
Human progress.
Does that makes you happy?
Me being more human?
Yes, because I know in the long run it makes you happier.
You're doing great.
Keep it up, Clark.
"Clark"?
Clark Kent-- Superman's alter ego.
You know, you're out of costume now, so now you're Clark Kent.
You know what? I'll never understand why people get so worked up over something that's not real.
Oh, I don't know about that.
When I think about the people we work with-- extraordinary people with special abilities doing their best to help others?
Today you saved lives by stopping a rogue nation from getting a nuclear w*apon.
If that's not proof that superheroes exist, I don't know what is.
Zany Zoe played her part.
No, I'm just Lois Lane.
You know, Sylvester says that Lois Lane was pretty important.
And, um... you did look, um... uh, nice in that costume.
Thanks.
You looked nice, too.
All right, well, I got to go get Ralph.
Have a nice night.
Okay.
Yeah, sure. You, too.
Oh. Sly.
Um, so, Clark Kent.
How did things with him and Lois Lane play out?
Some stories they get together, but it doesn't last long.
That's kind of the price of being a superhero.
No girls, no glory, no fame.
Saving the world gets in the way of life.
I guess with great responsibility comes great... loneliness.
Thank you for the rundown.
(metallic scraping)
Seriously, Ray?
Ray: I can fix it! Can totally fix that!
Get it?
Instead of suspended animation, suspenders animation.
Very clever.
You seem tired.
Maybe we should save the rest for Wednesday.
Yeah, I would love to.
Um, but I... have a procedure scheduled.
What kind of procedure?
Deep brain stimulation.
My tremors have gotten worse, so they're gonna put this--
The tip of an electrode into the thalamus of your brain and then connect that to a pacemaker.
They're hopeful it gives me a better quality of life these last few months.
Don't say that.
I thought geniuses like facts.
Not that one.
I'm nervous.
If they're off by a fraction of an inch, I could lose my vision, my ability to speak.
Can you be there when I come out of it?
I know it's silly, but if I open my eyes and I see you, I'll be reassured.
I will absolutely be there.
It'll take a few days for the doctors to know if the procedure's a success, so, please, don't tell anyone... especially not Walter.
Cabe: All right, jab-- one, two!
(punches land)
One, three!
All right, can't wait for Toby to get here... so he can watch his twin sister box.
One, three, six!
(grunting)
Aah!
(whoops)
I told you to throw an uppercut, and you threw a hook.
Correction-- I threw a hook right through concrete.
Cabe, I think I'm ready for a smoker.
Some church-basement, amateur-hour slug fest?
Let me get in the ring.
You know these pillars fight back in a smoker.
Happy: Don't get too excited.
That wall's water-damaged.
Seriously?
Sylvester: Not just the walls.
The pipe above my desk has been dripping onto my workspace.
This is absurd.
If the collective IQ of NASA scientists had a baby with the brains of M.I.T. researchers, they'd give birth to us.
Yet somehow, we work in a dingy garage that is falling apart at the seams.
It's a sham!
Or a mockery.
Both: A shmockery.
Sounds like this place is in need of some serious Ray-novations.
He's still here?
Ray: Luckily for you.
I'm gonna fix this place up.
The least I can do for letting me live here.
Yeah, I think I missed that vote.
Well, I'm off for my morning constitutional.
Morning.
What's up?
We want to get out of this dump.
Well, that's not happening.
All my funds have gone into my rocket and Megan's research.
Hit up your billionaire pal Elia for some cash.
That's inappropriate.
Okay, I have an idea.
Why don't you guys kick in?
I'll give up equity in the company for an influx of cash.
I just bought a '43 Harley Knucklehead that's roached.
I am what you would call cash-poor.
All my money is tied up in comic books.
Two words-- race and track.
Wow.
Sounds like you guys could use an influx of cash.
Who's ready to work?
Organized crime members in Kazakhstan have obtained a Soviet 1970s-era nuke.
They are preparing to sell it tomorrow night to the highest bidder.
Starting price-- 20 million.
And none of the potential buyers are our friends.
Intel tracked the m*ssile to an abandoned Soviet naval base on the Ishim River, containing 47 warehouses on 100 hectares.
It's deserted, except for the occasional security patrol, but those guys are unarmed private contractors.
We have no idea where the m*ssile is on this base.
So, you want the guys in the flea-infested garage to find it.
That's fine. Our fee is $5 billion.
Zip it.
Katherine?
Well, if Scorpion can use their tech skills to locate the building the warhead is being stored in, we can then send in a SEAL team from neighboring Kyrgyzstan to take down these sellers and disarm and confiscate this weaponry.
Soviet-era buildings were constructed with lead and concrete, so a Geiger counter or thermography won't help us find it.
Walter: Yeah, you said the, uh, m*ssile is from the '70s, so we're probably dealing with an R-400 Elbrus?
Very good.
Yeah, well, I own a Russian rocket.
Anyway, the Elbrus releases an electrical hum in the 40 kilohertz range.
Humans can't hear it.
Dogs can't hear it.
But I could rig a sensor, like a tricked-out microphone that could pick it up.
Won't get the exact building, but we can narrow it down to two or three.
Walter: Yeah, and then we can narrow it down from there, so logic dictates that whoever's hiding the m*ssile will have a temporary security system in place until the sale is complete, most likely on a Wi-Fi transmitter.
Well, if we build a strong Wi-Fi receiver and get it close enough to a cluster of suspected buildings, then the bounce-back of Wi-Fi signals can map out the negative space in the building like radar.
And we can see a general shape of what's in the building via reading software on our laptops.
Okay, but how do we get the tech into Kazakhstan?
Even a cursory profile at customs will show we're government contractors.
You'll go in undercover as a film crew sh**ting behind-the-scenes DVD footage for a Hollywood production in Kazakhstan for the tax breaks.
Here's the dossiers.
And they contain information on the film production and on your new identities.
Super Fun Guy?
They told the message boards they were gonna be sh**ting in Bulgaria to throw them off!
But I knew the topography of Bulgaria did not match Super Fun Guy's Temple of Chuckles!
Wow! This is gonna be so much fun.
Hmm? Excuse me, do you have enough coverage for your son until tomorrow afternoon?
Because you're gonna need to be on point on this mission.
Your friends seem unable to be anything other than what they are, and if you guys are gonna get in and out of Kazakhstan without be--
I'll need to be the face of a regular, normal film crew, got it.
On it.
Setting stun g*n to Tons of Fun!
(laughing)
Fantastic.
Hey, I got this for you.
You can park it outside the dollhouse.
(imitates motorcycle engine)
Thank you.
It's nice.
I thought her dad said the best bet was to give her space.
I am. We're just friends.
You and I are just friends.
How come I've never gotten a gift?
I got you a Super Fun Guy T-shirt from that street vendor.
One-- it was a Chinese knockoff.
Two-- it said Super Joy Joy Guy.
And three-- you need to let this Happy thing lie!
Happy and I are just friends.
(cell phone ringing)
Megan?
The doctors are moving my procedure up to tomorrow night.
You can still make it, right?
So, this will really give us X-ray vision?
Well, in theory.
You know, I set up Wi-Fi in the trailer for Ray, so let's test my hypothesis.
Okay, picking up Wi-Fi bounce back.
Ray, is everything all right in there?
(loud music playing)
Hey, broseph, what's up?
Nothing.
All right, I'm gonna get back to it.
Okay.
He's your friend.
Walter, may I talk to you for a moment?
I'm concerned that the, uh, the Wi-Fi receiver might be, uh, detected if it's inspected too closely by customs.
It's about Kazakhstan. So, maybe before we get there, we can put a false shell around the interior?
Well, that's the thing. I'm not going.
Um, I don't understand.
I can't go.
I'm not going.
Is this about the flight?
'Cause Paige will be with you.
No, I just...
It's a personal reason, and I cannot say.
Look, I-I can provide all the software support remotely from here and I will not let you down.
Apart from not going with us on this case.
Okay, well, have a good flight.
This is what Homeland got for us?
It makes me miss the garage.
Eh, it could be worse.
Stop complaining.
Cabe, we're helping pilfer a stolen nuclear warhead for the good of mankind.
All I'm asking for is a room without Legionnaire's disease.
Okay, guys, we will not be here for long.
Okay, once we find the location of the m*ssile, Cabe calls it in to the SEAL team, and we're out.
Happy, good to go?
Yeah, I'm done.
Ladies and gentlemen, the world's shortest boom mic operator.
Whoops.
Wow, you literally lowered the boom on me.
Let's get to it.
I'll go with.
The guys holding the warhead might have men patrolling the base looking for anyone that might disrupt their $20 million deal.
I thought you had to leave your w*apon at home 'cause of customs-- what can you do without a g*n?
(screams)
He can do that.
Though Super Fun Guy's fictional domain is Guffaton, the big-screen version of his story will be filmed right here in Kazakhstan, where we are behind the scenes.
"Guffaton"? It's Guffawtown!
Sheesh, Toby, if she doesn't know the mythology, she's gonna be busted for sure!
Settle down, Beavis. I don't anyone cares what Nerd-burg Super Dork Guy hails from.
Uh, guys, we got company.
Paige: Uh, nothing to see here.
Just a fake film crew.
Toby: He's almost gone.
Be cool.
All right, guys, let's get back to it.
We've been at it all day; we got to be getting closer.
We are getting close.
I am picking up a hum at 41.5 kilohertz.
Building 37?
Nothing.
No wireless signal from building 37, so odds are no m*ssile in there.
You got that, Sly?
Got it.
Walter: Okay.
Building 27.
All right, getting closer to a wireless signal.
Looks like some small crates.
It's too small for a nuke, but we're getting warmer.
Building 33.
Man: Hey. Are you guys with the Super Fun Guy crew?
Paige: Yes. Who the hell is this?
Happy, if this guy makes a move, you crack him with the boom mic and run right to the van.
I'm a location scout.
It seems we've filmed every bit of this country, but the idiot producers want us to find something more exotic.
(chuckles) You know what it's like.
(scoffs) Do I.
Well, I'll see you around the set.
Yeah, right.
Take it easy.
We got three team members out there, and the only one you're concerned with is Happy.
Thought you guys were just friends.
Sylvester told you my business.
Judas.
Okay, back to building 33.
Toby: Either that's a m*ssile on a flatbed truck, or they got the world's largest banana in there.
That's not all that's in there. Look.
They've got on-site babysitters for the nuke.
Sylvester, give me the longitude and latitude of building 33.
We're calling in the Navy SEALs.
Sylvester: Roger that. That's one rogue nuclear m*ssile captured.
I hate to say it, but this one was easy.
We deserve easy once in a while.
Copy that.
It's a shame we can't stay long enough to catch some filming, get Sylvester a souvenir from set.
I will never understand the allure of comic books.
Superheroes, evil villains.
It's nonsense. We do it all the time.
We aren't mortals who got powers from radiation exposure.
We're simply organisms with abnormally dense brains that process glucose at a rate high enough to allow for an advanced thought process.
Not to mention men fighting each other in skin-tight latex suits and identity-concealing masks.
Don't get me started on those psychological underpinnings.
(knocking on door)
Location Scout: Guys, it's me.
It's that location scout.
Location Scout: The, uh, the Kazakh police is after me.
I didn't have a permit on me and I don't have any bribe money.
Hey, I saw your van outside.
Guys, please.
Before somebody sees me out here.
We don't want the authorities led here.
He's right. Let him in.
Thank you.
Those cops will take your gold fillings.
Nobody move. Or I'll k*ll her.
Hey, hey, hey.
Easy, pal. Pockets inside out.
All of you.
We don't have any weapons. Just take it easy.
We're just a film crew.
Oh, really?
Uh-huh.
Then why is it when you were talking into the microphone, nothing... nothing was registering on her laptop?
Huh?
Because it wasn't plugged in.
Which means that you... are after something else.
You are spies.
There must be a-a malfunction with...
My father worked for the Soviet radio-- I know sound equipment.
Then-then you'll know that... that they can malfunction.
So, please, please, before you hurt innocent people, just... inspect my cameras.
I'm sure that you'll find that there was a-a defect that was interfering with the mic transmission.
Hold it up. Hold it up so I can see it.
With pleasure. (grunting)
Nice tackle, boss.
Four years all-county.
I still got it.
How many men are inside that building guarding the m*ssile?
Four. No, uh, seven.
Maybe 12-- I really can't remember.
Did you tell anyone about us?
Yup-- Super Fun Guy.
He's not gonna tell us anything. Let's just leave before his friends start looking for him.
We have Navy SEALs preparing to storm that building.
They could be walking into a trap if this guy told his buddies about suspicious Americans moving around the base.
(phone rings)
Cooper, what do you got?
Copy.
Understood.
All right, stick by the horn, Katherine. We might need you.
I like nothing about the tenor of that phone call.
Well, we don't have to worry about the Navy SEALs walking into a trap. They've been grounded.
Homeland picked up chatter from this guy telling his buddies about us.
He promised to check us out further and call them back within ten minutes with an update.
And then, when he didn't, they figured he was in trouble and that outside forces, namely the American government, were aware of their imminent warhead deal.
Gets better.
Our arms dealer pals?
They used their pull with the Kazakh government.
They've secured the borders and grounded flights in and out of the country, claiming a swine flu outbreak.
So we're stuck in a foreign country with no help and no way out.
We seem to have a habit of getting into situations like this, don't we?
Where is Super Fun Guy when you need him?
♪ Scorpion 2x05 ♪
Super Fun Guys
Original Air Date on October 19, 2015
Paige: Can we sneak across the border?
This isn't the U.S. and Mexico. We'd get caught.
There is dense forest in the country's interior.
Maybe you could hide out there while Cooper sets up an extraction in a week or so.
Maybe wait for things to calm down a bit?
Hey, chief, where would one find a plunger?
Not now.
Roger that.
Cabe: We're not running, we're not hiding.
And even if we could get out of here, that nuke sale would till go through, and the buyer ain't gonna be a decorator buying an accent piece.
We might want to get out of here, but that m*ssile-- we're gonna see it again, guaranteed, when it hits Atlanta, Chicago or L.A.
Okay, okay, so, problem solving 101: what is our goal?
We need to get to the nuke.
Right, okay, and what's our obstacle?
Guaranteed death from Eastern Bloc mobsters.
So we can't get into that building. Kind of a roadblock.
Not if we don't want to go in that building.
But we could go under it. Look at this.
Here are the guards. Here's the m*ssile, and look at this convex circle on the floor here.
Is that a defect in the concrete?
Or a metal hatch.
Kazakhstan has bad winters.
U.S. colleges have underground tunnels so students don't have to walk for miles in the snow. Why not this place?
Sylvester: I'm in the schematics of the base.
Happy was right. There are multiple steam tunnels crisscrossing between the buildings. If you can make it to building 28, there's a tunnel that runs 50 yards to the hatch that Happy spotted in the m*ssile warehouse.
Okay, okay. So, back to problem solving 101.
Once we're in, how do we disable a Soviet-era nuclear warhead resting on a flatbed truck with armed guards in the next room?
Delicately.
I could rewire it, but that just slows the bad guys until they find someone to fix it after we're gone.
What if we just leave it where it is and neutralize it?
Neutralize enriched uranium?
Yeah, if you submerge uranium for two minutes in nitric acid, it will lose efficacy.
They'd be selling a dud.
Okay, cool, we'll just run down to the corner store, pick up some peanut brittle and nitric acid.
Sylvester: He's right.
But you can get nitric acid from a munitions factory.
It's a main component in gunpowder.
Just did a quick search and there is a munitions plant 12 miles from your location.
Walter: Okay, great work.
Now text the address and then hack the ministry of defense to get the specs of that plant.
Okay, I just sent the address.
(watch beeping)
And I will get you those specs in a bit.
Uh, no, I-I need it now, pal.
You will get them before you arrive.
Sylvester?
(phone rings)
Hello?
Hey. I'm just checking in because I know you're going to prep soon.
I'm scared.
And I know what it's like to be scared better than anybody else.
But tonight you're gonna wake up in recovery, 100% fine, and I will be there to tell you so.
Sylvester, I really do love you.
I love you, too.
I'll see you tonight.
Okay.
I'm sorry to hear your friend is sick.
Seriously?
We have to put a bell on you.
I know how you feel.
No, you don't.
You feel powerless, because you can't do anything to make her situation better.
Right?
You are ill-informed.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to hack into the Kazakhstan Ministry of Defense.
Bro, I've lived in a Gremlin for two years.
I know about feeling powerless.
But it doesn't last forever.
Opportunities to be strong present themselves every day.
Like thunderstorms.
Thunderstorms don't present themselves every day.
Now who's ill-informed?
Cabe: Security inside each main entrance.
Patrol car looping the grounds. Everything's watched.
Don't think we can tell 'em we're a film crew doing a piece on nitric acid.
Nobody's watching those domes.
Toby: Who the hell would want to break into a water tower?
Actually, they're filled with sand, because nothing is more dangerous than a chemical fire in a munitions factory.
Now, in a fire, those dozen tanks around the building launch sand through those pipes right inside to suffocate the flames.
I stand corrected.
Who the hell would want to break into a sand tower?
We would. Now, I'd hack the building's server, set off the fire alarm.
The deluge system kicks in, sending sand-- and one of us-- flying into the chemical storage room.
Right to the nitric acid.
According to the plans Sly sent, we'd go through the east tower.
Workers will think there's a munitions fire.
They'll be running out of there like Jesse Owens.
And whoever's inside can slip out in the chaos.
Speaking of which, who will be inside?
Well, nitric acid is dangerous, so it's always stored in an airtight, locked safety cabinet.
We'll need someone to get in, pick the lock and then get out in seconds.
Great.
I'm hacking the fire alarm.
Unlocked.
I'm dropping into the hatch now.
How's it looking in there?
Sandy.
Walter: Happy, I'm about to set off the fire alarm. Now, on my go, inhale deep, 'cause you're gonna be buried alive for about 20 seconds.
Oh, sounds lovely.
Okay, go.
(alarm wailing)
(grunts, groans)
Uh, not good.
What's wrong?
My leg is stuck and I am hanging upside down.
Cabe: You better hustle, kid.
If the firefighters get there before you get out, it's over.
Okay. I hate to complain, but I'm getting a little dizzy here.
(shouting)
Oh, my axilla.
What you up to, just hanging around?
Really?
(grunts) Come on.
(groans) Sorry.
Okay, what are you thinking, candy's gonna come out of me?
I can't reach.
Quit screwing around!
Firefighters will be there in minutes!
I got an idea.
What are you doing?
I am taking my pants off.
Dear Diary, it finally happened.
Okay, look out.
Uh... just friends.
Walter: Guys, hurry up.
Clock's ticking.
The lock's a joke.
I'll been in in a sec.
Open.
Okay, help me pull.
(grunts)
Got it!
As much as I hate saying this, you need to put this on.
(coughing)
(shouting in Russian)
Let's go!
I can't believe that worked.
I can't believe I left my pants in there.
I'm so glad I brought extra clothes.
You did?
Don't sound so disappointed.
It's creepy.
Okay, all we have to do now is take the underground tunnel to the nuclear warhead, compromise the uranium, and then get out of here.
All right, so we have a shot.
We have no shot.
Paige: All those people-- there's no way we get in there and into the tunnel without getting caught.
Sly, are you sure there's no other tunnels leading to the m*ssile warehouse?
No, just building 28. Why?
Nerds beat us to it.
That's the Super Fun Guy movie.
Walter: No. That is our one shot at getting to the warhead going up in smoke.
I can't believe it. We've stopped falling planes, crashing satellites, escaped from Cuba, but we're finally bested by a Hollywood film crew?
Happy: Let's just blow past these artsy-fartsy punks.
Paige: There's security.
They catch us, call the cops, we're nailed with fake I.D.'s.
Say good-bye to America for the next ten years.
I'm more concerned about the psychos with the m*ssile.
They're on high alert. They smell something fishy, gunplay breaks out and some of those film crew civilians get hurt.
Um, guys, I just saw a bunch of extras dressed as Super Fun Guy and his Krazy Krew, which means they must be sh**ting his epic battle versus the Imposter Roster.
Great. Go to NeverKissedAGirl.com and tell them all about it.
No, I-I am trying to make a point.
There are all those people out there, in disguises, walking freely about the building we're trying to access.
Okay, I pick up what you're laying down, but how do we get the costumes?
Leave that to me.
I am looking at the invoice right now!
Those props were supposed to be here last night!
So if they're not in my hands by tonight, one of us is gonna be looking for a job, and it ain't gonna be me.
(quietly): All right, Sylvester.
I'm right by the wardrobe trailer. Tell me what to get.
Okay. Super Fun Guy, of course.
And then you need two female costumes. So Patty Prankenstein and Zany Zoe.
Don't need a backstory, Poindexter. Just give me colors.
Teal, orange, red, blue, green.
(scatting softly)
How's it going, guys?
I'm starting to think we should just let 'em have the nuke.
Oh, wow, you look great!
With great responsibility comes a great wedgie.
This is just wrong.
I know. Whimsical Boy wasn't even a part of the Krazy Krew until year five of the mythology.
Don't say anything.
Just friends.
I don't know how the actors move in these things.
I want Homeland to double our fee.
I feel absurd. I don't like feeling absurd.
I can't believe I'm not there with you.
I can't believe I got caught by you people.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Okay. The R-400 warhead panel is sealed with 129 screws.
Now, Happy will be busy with the door, which leaves 43 screws each for me, Paige and Cabe.
Toby, you'll hold on to all of them... until we're ready to put the panel back on.
Happy: Six rotations per screw maximum should take 4.5 seconds, tops.
That's 2.325 minutes for each of you.
Plus four minutes to submerge the uranium in acid, and we should be in and out in just over seven minutes.
Done. Let's go.
I'll go first. Make sure it's safe.
And then I go down a ladder in this skirt?
Nice try.
Guys, you should be okay to enter the m*ssile warehouse.
I'm focused in on them.
I can see the guards now.
The image is a little clearer, and it's clearly four men playing cards. It appears they are playing hearts.
I repeat, they are playing hearts.
Walter: Sylvester, it's pitch-black down here. How much farther?
In 20 feet, there's a ladder that you can climb to the hatch.
♪ ♪
Happy, be careful. One of the guards is walking towards the door.
It's just a refrigerator.
We're okay. Refrigerator.
That's a refrigerator.
It's cool. We're good.
Okay, okay. The acid, acid.
Okay.
Okay.
(sizzling)
(exhales)
(quietly): Can't we just fast-forward and add the second piece of uranium?
We can k*ll two birds with one stone.
Well, if the two half spheres come into contact, they could reach critical mass and set off a nuclear blast.
Separate it is.
(chuckling)
What are you doing?
Shut it.
I'm sorry.
What?
It's just too funny.
Walter's in a superhero costume exposing himself to radiation.
Okay, it's not the time to get into character, Giggler.
(laughs) You lost your pants.
Toby, Toby, take a deep breath.
No, don't.
Don't, don't, don't.
The iron screws fell into the nitric acid to create nitric oxide.
It's laughing gas. (laughing)
Shut up.
Your hero name should be Super-ego!
Guys? They heard!
Hurry up and neutralize the rest of the uranium.
(men shouting in Russian)
(Toby laughing)
Paige: Guys?
Guys, they're cutting through the tape.
(men shouting in Russian)
Take cover!
(men shouting in Russian)
Oh!
Seriously outmanned! Get us out of here!
(men shouting in Russian)
(g*nf*re continues)
What happens if one of the b*ll*ts hits the m*ssile?
Nothing. But if it hits the uranium spheres, it's a nuclear reaction!
Are you kidding me?!
(click)
Are you kidding me?! Happy!
(engine starts)
Okay! Hold on to your supersuits!
(shouting in Russian)
(tires screeching)
Walter: Okay. Just need to dissolve the other half of the core, and then the m*ssile is useless.
Careful!
We need evac, stat!
We've got hostiles on our tail and the nuke in our possession!
Cooper: Homeland can't direct a chopper.
We're not supposed to be there!
So that's it? You're just gonna leave us high and dry?!
No, no, no. Homeland can't help you.
But if an international organization of 28 nations had proof that a humanitarian mission that was safeguarding civilians from a nuke was in jeopardy, different story!
Okay! I follow!
Sly, I need you to get to NATO and tell 'em we need an extraction!
But I've only ever driven once, as you know.
No buts! I need you to get a photograph to NATO!
(computer beeps)
Oh, boy, this is not good.
Cabe? Cabe? Cabe?!
I just looked up the address to the NATO office. Now get on!
What, on-on Happy's organ-donation machine?!
You want to stop feeling powerless?
You want to be a hero like your pals are being right now?
Then this is your moment, big fella.
Seize it like a superhero would.
(screaming)
Get the lead out, Hap.
This thing only has so much in her.
I can't hold them off forever!
Almost there!
Oh, no!
Ow, my face!
Nice shot!
Yeah, but now we don't have any acid, so we can't dissolve the uranium.
And those guys will be catching up to us soon enough.
Okay, what's our plan B?
There's only one option.
Toby, get online and search for Kazakhstan's precious mineral history.
I'm on it, pal.
But I don't like where you're going with this.
I thought you said disarming the nuke was a delay tactic, not a solution.
That's not what I'm doing.
I'm arming it.
My name is Sylvester Dodd.
I work with Agent Cabe Gallo, badge number 2835.
I'm requesting an immediate extraction from a humanitarian mission in Kazakhstan, where they are there protecting civilians from illegal nuclear weapons.
We're the National Association of Theater Owners.
You want the NATO on Pico.
That's my bad.
No choppers.
Come on, Sly, don't let us down.
You know, Walter, when I was ten, I got suspended for setting an M-80 off in a toilet.
This is worse.
There are no other options.
There are no civilians for miles.
And the mine's been shut for years because the land's already toxic.
Toxic, not blown up.
The entry shaft goes down 13 miles at a 42-degree angle.
Now, the U.S. detonated nukes just a few hundred feet under Nevada's soil.
Yes, Nevada.
Doing this here?
Kind of an act of w*r.
We let this fall into the wrong hands, it'll be far worse than eviscerating an already condemned mine.
Son, I got all the faith in the world in you.
But if we fire this off and the choppers don't come for us, we're captured, we're labeled t*rrorists, and then it's lights out.
If there's an abnormal configuration in this old mine, the blast could mushroom-cloud right under us.
We'd all be cooked.
Are you certain about this?
No, it's effectively an experiment.
And experiments have uncertainties.
Fantastic.
What I am certain of are my abilities.
Maybe it's the outfit, but I'm with Walter.
Okay, our friends are back.
Okay, okay.
Happy, raise the flatbed to a 21-degree angle.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Guys, get down!
It worked.
It's gone.
We did it.
(g*ns click)
You just cost me $20 million.
Now you all die.
Any ideas, Walt?
I don't want to die in this outfit.
Listen, these guys are just hired g*ns.
They follow my orders.
They had nothing to do with this.
(shouting in Russian)
(gasping, yelling)
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Looks like the Giggler delivered the punch line.
Did you just KO that guy?
It must be the uranium.
(helicopter flying nearby)
Oh, that-that works.
Sylvester did it.
I can't believe how awesome we must look right now.
You made it.
Of course I did. I promised.
You brought a friend?
And a motorcycle helmet?
Wild day?
Not really.
The hardest thing I had to do was visit a bureaucrat's office.
Did you know there are two NATOs?
Paige: I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to catch some Z's.
Toby: I'm so tired, I couldn't catch anything.
How's your hand?
Sore.
Well, that's the difference between gloves and no gloves.
Got to say, I was impressed with your right.
You turned your hips.
I have a decent teacher.
You still interested in getting in the ring?
No clue why, but yeah, I am.
Grab your gear and meet me out front in five minutes.
I'm taking you into Monty's Gym.
You got to start sparring.
And, uh, thanks for saving my ass out there today.
Cabe, are we becoming friends?
Now you ruined it.
Where the hell's my bike?
Come to think of it, where's Sylvester?
(tires squeal)
Hey!
No one rides my rides.
It's all right.
I needed a ride to order the helicopter, and Ray got me there.
Just getting back now?
All night bowling.
Won every frame.
Walter: That's incredible, Sylvester.
You got on a motorcycle.
I told you I'd get the job done.
Yeah, you did, at... at that.
Ray: Speaking of getting the job done, Wally, I fixed everything in here.
Patched all the walls, repaired all the pipe fittings, so no more leakage.
What is that?
What?
That.
Nothing, just... a T-shirt.
You are not part of Scorpion.
But I live here.
So does a possum in the rafters.
Well, I did kind of help you guys, you know, get out of Kazakhstan, so...
But it's spelled wrong.
We're a team of geniuses.
Two P's-- got it.
Eh...
Got it!
Oh, hey, uh... You really came through for us today.
Even with my messed-up EQ, I can tell that there's something weighing on you.
Is there something that you want to discuss or...?
Yes, there is.
But I can't.
Okay.
If you change your mind, then, uh...
Okay... Oh!
Ah! (laughs)
Almost forgot.
Got something for you.
I, uh, thought you might like it.
My costume.
Hey, I'm going to start wiring the dollhouse, if you want to help.
I got plans with Cabe.
Uh... rain check?
Uh, sure.
That's cool.
Well, have fun with Cabe.
See you.
What just happened?
You've been waiting for an in with Happy for months, and she just gave it to you.
Did the spandex cut off the blood to your brain?
Several times today, I realized I can't just be friends with her.
I am an addict.
First with gambling, then with her.
For her it's wiring a dollhouse; to me, it's an alcoholic just rubbing his lips against the beer bottle.
I can't do it.
So, what's the new plan?
There's only one way to break an addiction.
Cold turkey.
I'm done with her.
Overheard your conversation with Sylvester.
That was a nice thing you did.
Thought of a coworker's feelings, put yourself in his shoes, made a gesture.
That's real progress, Walter.
Human progress.
Does that makes you happy?
Me being more human?
Yes, because I know in the long run it makes you happier.
You're doing great.
Keep it up, Clark.
"Clark"?
Clark Kent-- Superman's alter ego.
You know, you're out of costume now, so now you're Clark Kent.
You know what? I'll never understand why people get so worked up over something that's not real.
Oh, I don't know about that.
When I think about the people we work with-- extraordinary people with special abilities doing their best to help others?
Today you saved lives by stopping a rogue nation from getting a nuclear w*apon.
If that's not proof that superheroes exist, I don't know what is.
Zany Zoe played her part.
No, I'm just Lois Lane.
You know, Sylvester says that Lois Lane was pretty important.
And, um... you did look, um... uh, nice in that costume.
Thanks.
You looked nice, too.
All right, well, I got to go get Ralph.
Have a nice night.
Okay.
Yeah, sure. You, too.
Oh. Sly.
Um, so, Clark Kent.
How did things with him and Lois Lane play out?
Some stories they get together, but it doesn't last long.
That's kind of the price of being a superhero.
No girls, no glory, no fame.
Saving the world gets in the way of life.
I guess with great responsibility comes great... loneliness.
Thank you for the rundown.
(metallic scraping)
Seriously, Ray?
Ray: I can fix it! Can totally fix that!