01x05 - Is a Shark Good or Bad?

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Imposters"...

Yes, Doctor, we're on schedule.

I have a concern.

Is she getting distracted?

Are you attracted to me?

[laughs]

I almost jumped you at the coffee shop, first time we met. Oh.

I drive up and there's some strange guy here, touching your face. Just because we had one awkward dinner and you grabbed my tit, doesn't give you the right to be an assh*le.

Maybe I need to send Lenny Cohen.

Hello, Maddie. I'm Lenny Cohen.

This is Florence Hayes, our new IT man.

It symbolizes what? The wanderer who finally stopped his wondering.

I did get this. [gasps]

Now we can track her through her IP address.

Oh, my God, she opened it. Is it working?

What's happening? Seattle.

She's in Seattle. We're gonna need more money.

Do you work for the Doctor? No, sir.

Ah! Mr. Heller?

[panting]

Get out of here. Get out of here.

♪ ♪

First dead body?

Yeah.

When's she getting here?

Soon.

She'll be here soon.

It's late for you to be out here, isn't it?

My dad said I'm allowed to patrol the alley.

Oh. Are you a good guy or a bad guy? I'm not a guy at all.

Fine. Are you a good girl or a bad girl?

Let me see. Is a shark good or bad?

Bad. Why?

Because it eats people.

So if you're a person, a shark is bad because it might eat you.

But if you're a shark yourself...

Say, a hungry little boy shark that likes to eat people for snacks... If you're bad, I have to smash you with my Hammer of Justice.

Oh, please don't smash me with your hammer of justice.

Are you good or bad?

What if I won't say? Or don't know?

Can your Hammer of Justice tell if I'm good or bad?

What? No.

My Hammer of Justice is just, like, my tool.

I'm Hammer Man. Hm.

Look...

Think about it this way, Hammer Man:

I'm a tool, too.

So what do I know about being good or bad?

You're no fun. Not true, Hammer Man.

First, I get to have so much fun.

I'm like the shark's teeth.

Or that Hammer of Justice you're holding.

Or maybe I'm like the fire that's b*rned since the beginning of time.

No one knows who started it, and no one can put it out.

But I get to be the fire.

So maybe I'm not good or bad.

I just am.

[gulps] Sorry.

Was that too poetic?

A bit forced?

All right.

Time for you to go home.

Look, I promise I'll keep an eye on the alley for you.

Okay? Go on home.

Go! Ah!

♪ ♪

Ouch.

I could see why you didn't want to f*ck the guy.

All righty then. Let's do this.

♪ ♪ Cheapest flight to Seattle's $349 one way.

That's just over $1,000 for the three of us.

Jeez, man. Don't forget food and motels Hey, are you sure you wanna use red?

We always used red for everything must go sales.

It kinda screams desperation, no?

Red works, okay? All right.

We pull off your little scheme, we'll be able to buy the tickets and have enough to live off of for a while, right?

My little scheme is actually quite elegant.

It's all about a synchronized execution of various...

Hey, wouldn't cursive be more effective?

Yeah, see, that's what I'm saying.

The block letters are so... Which one of you guys went to art school?

Oh, yeah. Me.

Okay, back off. Both of you. Go.

I got this, okay? I'm just trying to...

Go! Okay, okay, fine.

Fine. Hey, you're right about execution, though, man.

The halfback doesn't stay back to block or the guys on the sales floor don't move product, doesn't mean a thing, you know? Yeah.

You feel me? Yeah, yeah, man.

I feel you. Definitely.

Whoa.

That's actually really good. Totally nailed it.

_ [overlapping chatter]

Dad, it's not fair! Mom said you'd get it for me.

Everyone has one. How many times do I have to tell you it's not gonna happen?

Just sit there and wait for me while I run my errands!

And do not move a muscle!

Oh, my God. I don't believe it.

Did he not put my wallet back?

Oh, there it is. Thank God.

[saw whirring] [panting]

Where the hell's Sally?

Check if she got back to you, will you?

Nothing.

I don't know. Maybe she's asleep.

This is not good.

You think maybe it was someone at the bank?

I mean, we pissed off a lot of people.

Maybe someone over there...

Sally did this. Don't kid yourselves.

No, this is not Sally's style at all.

We shouldn't jump to that conclusion.

I'm thinking it, you're thinking it.

But... Occam's razor.

The simplest explanation is the correct explanation.

Sally found the Doctor's money under the floorboard.

Heller found Sally. v*olence ensued.

Sally ran off with the Doctor's money.

What do you mean the Doctor's money?

Heller was laundering money for the Doctor.

He has been for years. And then he started skimming more and more and... How did you not tell me this?

How am I supposed to do my job? You didn't need to know!

If I don't know this kind of information...

No, you just had to land the guy, that's all.

Kids, shh!

I'm sorry that Heller was not exactly beloved, okay?

And if someone is holding some kind of a grudge and... and knew that he was keeping money here...

Sally's overcoat?

Yes. Hm. She left it in the hall.

And... [grunts] this, in our dead friend's fist.

It's her hair.

Same color, no?

Think it's a little bit of scalp in there.

Eyes on the prize. Scrub, scrub.

I'm gonna give the Doctor a ring-a-ding, figure out how to get you out of this ridiculous sh*t show you've got yourselves in.

Stay tuned.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪ Okay, a little to the left. I wanna get Dad's store.

Got it.

♪ My love let me go again ♪

[both grunt]

So sorry. Watch where you're going.

29 years old and still chasing Pokémon.

My bad. Yeah, your bad.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Thank you.

♪ Back to the back of a rebound ♪

♪ Coming around, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Ma'am, sorry to bother you.

May I see your receipt, please? Of course.

Oh, thank you.

Ooh, an espresso machine, huh? Yeah, it's a beauty.

Oh, it's lovely. All right.

Well, you have a great day. I will. Thank you.

[sighs]

Hi. This was a birthday gift from my husband.

It's a beautiful machine, but I think it's a little extravagant for our budget.

No problem. Do you have your receipt?

Yes, I do.

Oh, Jesus! Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry What a klutz.

I know, I'm such an idiot. You know what, my grandma says seltzer's the best on a stain.

Why don't we just take it off?

I'm gonna get some more towels.

Please, you're only making it worse.

Okay. All right, I'll be right back.

We'll have towels Okay, okay.

That's not gonna work on this shade.

How long is that flight?

Okay, yeah. Let's go ahead and book those three coach tickets.

Yes, the number is

4012-7496-2390-5185.

Oh, uh, the zip code is 17902.

Perfect. Yeah. Thank you very much.

Hey, how much is it to upgrade?

Yeah, let's go ahead and make it three first class tickets.

There we go, almost good as new.

Incredible. Thank you, I think.

See? What'd I tell you? Yeah, no problem.

Seltzer water. Grandma knows best.

Here we go. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks.

I have a big meeting. Oh, good.

Well have a great one. Thank you.

Yeah, you keep rocking that seersucker.

Sorry, yeah, I'm so clumsy. Such a klutz.

No worries, I think you saved it.

Tell me about Gary Heller.

He was the kind of guy... Maddie first.

He was, um...

Go on, take a breath. Use your head, not your heart.

Hon, keep talking.

He liked darts.

Not helpful.

He had his gallbladder removed, liked dumplings... I don't... Charming.

[sighs] Max, your turn.

Well, thank you.

He had a bunch of kinda sad dating profiles.

And he was looking into Russian mail-order brides before Miss Saffron Keyes here waltzed into his life.

Mm. Much better. What else?

He was not well liked at work.

Because?

He was a d*ck. He could be a d*ck.

Hm.

It's getting better all the time.

Now here's the play:

We finish here.

You leave your scrubs and you go home.

Throw away the clothes you're wearing in the same bag as some kitchen garbage.

Whatever your day was supposed to be is still what your day will be.

You will go to work.

You will do all the things you would do if your boss didn't show up. Any word from Heller?

There's absolutely no way we can push that 10:00 conference call.

I left him a message at home and on his cell, but I'll try again now.

Well, let me know. Okay.

Please leave a message. [beep]

Hi, Mr. Heller. Just checking in again.

Your 10:00 call is still on, so let me know if you need anything at all.

[phone beeping] Max, check the hospitals.

Check her apartment. The number you have reached is no longer in service.

She's injured and scared.

But she's not in trouble.

Yes, I wonder if you could help me.

I'm looking for a woman who might have been treated at your facility at 5'7...

Find her. Don't let her leave.

It's only dangerous for her if she leaves.

This afternoon, a package from an associate of the Doctor's will arrive at the bank addressed to Heller, care of Saffron Keyes.

Here you go. It will contain everything we need to resolve the situation.

If you stay calm, if you keep your wits and do exactly as I say, all will be well.

Just do your job.

No, for a second, the card actually slipped out of my hand.

[laughs] It was like slow motion.

It was in the air and boom, I snatched it back.

Odell Beckham Jr. style. Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Practice pays off, man. Good sh*t.

Oh, you're all grown up. We're so proud of our little mastermind. [laughs]

Get off, man. Stop screwing around.

I gotta say, that was fun as F.

I like being a master criminal. I do too.

Are we terrible people?

Do you feel like a terrible person?

I actually don't at all.

Do you? No.

Get busy living or get busy dying, am I right?

Exactly. And that's why we have the code, and now we get to confront the real criminal, Maddie Jonson.

No "H" in Jonson.

We could be in the same room with her in six, seven hours.

Jesus.

Wow.

♪ Images you left in my head ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[overlapping chatter]

♪ ♪

Amaretto rocks.

You remember that?

You must be really good at your job.

I actually suck at my job, but I remember you.

About a week ago, in that corner over there.

A bunch of college girls. Amaretto rocks.

College girls? [chuckles]

I've been out of college for years.

College-looking girls.

Girls who, like, went to college, you know?

Yeah, just some old friends. I don't see them a lot.

You don't have to apologize for your friends.

I was just being a d*ck.

[sighs] Would you settle me up, please?

Aww. Why? You like being a d*ck?

Sometimes.

Come on, I'm harmless.

[clears throat]

Hey, you're Jules Langmore?

Yeah. Why? Jules Langmore the artist?

I am, yeah.

But... wait, what? Yeah, I saw your show.

The one on Perk Haus on... On Stanhope.

Yeah. Yeah, that was you, right?

That was your show? Hardly my show.

I mean, just 'cause the coffee shop puts your art up because your friend works there...

I don't know sh*t about art, but those little box thingies you make, that is dope.

[laughs] It's like when you hear a great song for the first time and you go, "What the f*ck is that?" you know?

Do I sound like an idiot? Oh, no, no. Not at all.

Thanks. I'm so flattered. I...

I'm Jules.

Cece.

♪ ♪ I... I didn't mean to be rude, before.

I can be really aggro with pretty girls.

Sorry. [laughs] No, don't...

Don't apologize; you're fine.

I mean, if you love my art, you must be crazy, but...

Don't do that.

You're good. End of story.

You know I came here to see you, right?

[laughs] Oh, yeah? Yeah.

What? You think I got out early on a Saturday night without my minions of rich girls to protect me?

I don't know your life.

Well, I don't.

Well, I'll drink to that.

Jules Langmore came to find me.

Whoo!

sh*t.

[dance music]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪ Come on. Don't you have to be behind the bar? What?

Don't you have to be behind the bar?

No, I think I'm gonna quit tomorrow.

What? You can't quit.

Why not? You just... you can't.

I don't know.

♪ Blink at me, good ♪

♪ Look to the right ♪

♪ Look to the right ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪

♪ On your knees ♪

♪ Roll on over ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪ You wanna go somewhere we can be alone?

We are alone.

♪ Look to the right ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪

♪ On your knees ♪

♪ Roll on over ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪

♪ Let me get a close-up ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Are you ready? ♪

What the f*ck?

Stop! What are you doing?

Cece! Cece!

Get the f*ck out of my dream.

♪ My so-called wife ♪ Hey, guys, guys.

We need a new code. What? Why?

Come on, relax. The ATM guy was a definite assh*le.

And the seersucker guy will get reimbursed by his credit card company.

Don't use that soothing Ezra tone.

I hate that tone. Sorry, jeez.

I'm not talking about a grifter's code.

Wha...

We need a Maddie code.

What does that even mean, the Maddie code?

We have no idea what seeing her is gonna do to us.

I do. I'm gonna get my money back...

Okay, no, don't. Don't pretend like this is someone who stole your lunch money.

This is your ex-wife.

Your shape-shifting, money stealing, professional con artist ex-wife.

And mine. And his.

What are you thinking?

Okay, what if she sees me and declares her love for me and begs me to leave you two schmoes in the dust and take off with her? How do you know she won't do that with me? Or me?

I don't. And neither do you.

I mean, you wouldn't do that?

I wouldn't. Would you?

I don't know.

Would you? Guys, come on.

If she comes at me with that stupid offer, all Alicey and sh*t, is like, "This is the real me.

I wasn't faking it with you."

Okay, maybe I would consider... Jesus, really?

What is with you two? Oh, come on, Ezra.

She speaks a little Francois to you, you're gonna pop a chub so fast you're not even gonna know... She's not Eva.

I know you guys better than I know her.

Maybe. Probably. But what if she's more Eva than anything else? She was in the French Club.

The point is, all we really know about her is that she's better than us.

She's a master. I mean, she could turn us against each other.

We really don't know what she's capable of.

You're right.

Yeah, she's right.

We need a Maddie code.

No contacting her... on our own.

No alone time.

No sex. Uh, I think we could...

Both: No sex.

[indistinct chatter]

[cell phone chiming]

Jesus.

Come on, come on.

Hi.

I'm good. Kinda crazy right now.

Can I call you back?

Bye.

♪ ♪

How's your day going?

Female announcer: Train 457 departing to San Francisco.

Will be boarding on platform four.

It's now leaving at 1:55.

Train 457 departing to San Francisco.

Is now leaving at 1:55 p.m. on platform four.

You always liked trains best, didn't you?

Max.

That looks like it hurts pretty bad.

You should see the other guy.

I did.

How much? About 300 grand.

I found them under the floorboard a couple of weeks ago.

That's when I knew this was not a run-of-the-mill gig, was it, Max?

I didn't tell you because the Doctor thought...

Screw the Doctor, to quote our dear girl Maddie.

Sal. We went with them because we thought that would make life easier, give us more freedom.

That's not how it turned out, is it?

I don't know.

We have a good setup.

Security, protection.

At what cost, Max?

You're 60 years old and you answer to him like you're a kid.

You don't think that doesn't k*ll me a little bit every day?

Well this is the life we chose.

It's not who you are.

You never would have kept secrets from me.

Not like this.

What am I supposed to do here, Sal?

I don't know.

If you turn me in, he'll k*ll me.

I'm not gonna turn you in.

Then what? Hm?

Don't you ever think about getting out?

Yeah, once in a while, sure.

The grift, the life... that is who I am.

Once upon a time we had something.

Maybe you were too proud to give in to it.

Maybe I screwed things up in Tulsa.

But we had something.

Come with me, Max.

We can try again and see what happens, just the two of us.

Come with me.

He'll look for us and he'll never stop.

I don't like the train idea. I think we drive.

It's three hours to the border. We'll put the money in a spare tire like we did in Sarasota that time.

I'm gonna need 20 minutes to get my stuff together.

We're gonna have to move as fast as possible, given the Heller situation.

Who knows who the cops are gonna be talking to.

What? I love it when you get all riled up.

It's always been you, Sal.

You know that, don't you?

Max.

[indistinct chatter]

[pop music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Hey! Hi. Hey.

So sorry I'm late.

It's okay.

So glad you called. I wasn't sure I was gonna hear from you after yesterday.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that.

Maybe I overreacted.

But I just didn't know that you and he were...

We're not.

It's just a little more complicated than it seems.

Okay, well maybe you should tell me about it.

Trust me, I don't really, really want to.

But right now, I don't wanna lie to you and I can't tell you the truth. Yeah.

Okay. Guess there's nothing I can do.

Well you can maybe take me back to your place.

Curl up on the sofa. Order a pizza.

You are always asking for the impossible.

Thank you. There you go.

So are you feeling Neapolitan or Sicilian?

Ah, but first, you know what?

I'm gonna get a fire going.

Hey.

[sighs] Yeah Come here.

How's this?

Closer.

[sensual music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Shh.

Just a little longer without words, please.

Thank you.

It's beautiful.

It's from an old lover.

That's okay.

You can tell me.

And trust me, I have stories.

Oh, I bet you do. [both laugh]

He gave it to me and made up this stupid story about a wanderer.

A wanderer? Yeah, he said that he was a wanderer, traveling through the dating wilderness until he met me.

And what happened?

Turned out I wasn't done with my wandering.

After it ended, I couldn't get the clasp to open and... just kinda got used to having it on.

Or maybe I was just not ready to let him go.

What you doing?

It is a tricky little sucker, isn't it?

Oh. Boom.

There you go.

Now you can move on.

Boom.

Who does a girl gotta screw to get a scotch in this joint?

That'll be me.

Tell me again how this is going to work.

'Cause I'm still not convinced we should get in bed with this guy.

All I'm saying is what he's offering makes sense for both of us.

And his whole model... his genius... is that it's Internet-based.

That's how he found us.

That's how he gets this information for potential marks.

The financial information... Just everything.

I don't know, Maxie. The old timers that we learned from, they just go to a new town, trick up a driver's license or a Social Security card and bingo, they're in.

Well, not anymore.

You know, not anymore... These days, you need infrastructure. But some stranger behind a computer somewhere?

I like to know who I'm working with.

I mean, what kind of doctor is he?

He didn't say and I didn't ask.

He just said to call him the Doctor.

Okay, well that's just creepy.

I've been in business with shadier people.

And Sy Roberts vouches for us and Sy is a rock.

You know that. And too good to be true is too good to be true every time.

Yeah, right, right. But times change.

And we have to adapt. This could be our chance at the big time. Such a big dreamer.

Okay, so sue me. I'm excited.

My mother said I was unduly exuberant.

Here, sit down.

[sighs]

Sal, I'm good at this, you're good at this.

When we work together, it's dynamite.

I don't disagree.

Hey, come on. He gave us a year out.

If we're not happy in a year, we walk away.

And who knows, we might end up on some beach together somewhere.

Oh, man, you're really worked up.

The beach! 12:00, about 30 paces out.

Got him. All right. [clears throat]

Lay one on me, baby.

We're certainly dynamite at this part.

[laughs]

[grunts] Oh, my...

Easy. Oh, my goodness.

Was that me? That was embarrassing.

Are you all right? Whoa, whoa.

I'm so sorry. Are you all right?

I'm fine. I apologize. Bird watcher.

Aren't you guys staying at The Grand?

Yeah, we are. Oh, so are we.

You gotta let us buy you a drink tonight.

It's the least we can do. Yeah, promise you, we're good company.

I'm Ted. I'm Eloise.

Hey, kiddo. Hi.

Ready to go?

Let's do it.

Anybody need a ride?

Hello. I'm Sally. And you must be...

Yes, I must be.

And I know who you are.

Right. And this is Max.

We've met. Of course.

Uh, we have the Doctor's money, right here.

I called Max after Heller att*cked me and we were looking for you, so you can give it to the Doctor, so here.

We're all good. In the trunk.

[sighs] Listen, uh, I want you to know that, um, we were never gonna run, okay?

We were just really concerned about the Heller situation, you know, and so relieved to see that you've taken care of it, and...

Time to go. Please, I promise you, we were never going to run.

You need to stop saying "we."

Maxie.

Rules of the game, Sal.

You knew 'em. You broke 'em.

Get in, Sally.

Chin up, Max. It's better to be sad than dead.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

You're just gonna sneak out, huh?

Didn't wanna wake you.

[clears throat] Come here.

Both: Morning.

That was quite a night.

Think we should do it again? Maybe.

All right, well how about maybe tonight and then maybe tomorrow?

And then definitely Friday after your birthday party. [laughs]

October 25th, right? Yeah.

I'm gonna throw you one kick ass birthday party, lady.

I don't think so.

I'm not into birthday parties.

I always hated them.

Until you met me.

[sighs] Yeah.

[laughs] I don't have a say in this do I?

No.

Have a good day.

[laughs] Idiot.

[acoustic music]

♪ ♪

Morning, sunshine.

[sighs] It was a crazy day, yesterday.

In all my years... Max.

Look, I totally get how after a day like that a person would need some comfort.

To be held and loved in a world where love doesn't seem possible.

Or there's only v*olence and retribution and betrayal.

You're really laying it on thick.

You're like a daughter to me.

You know that, don't you? And what?

You caught me staying out after curfew?

Get to the point, pops.

Pops? [laughs]

Oh, that's good.

It's all good.

And this guy, Patrick... that's his name, Patrick Campbell.

You know his name. The point is, you did some good work. I wasn't working.

Well, you just didn't know you were working.

He's an assignment, sweetie pie.

No. Yeah, the Doctor called it in.

Nope. Not gonna happen. He said that Patrick Campbell could be one of our biggest scores.

The numbers aren't good; they are amazing.

Not in a million years, Max. Oh, yes, you most definitely will, and so will I.

Because the payoff... the payoff is huge.

This is the big one.

Hazard a guess? I give up, Max.

What's the payoff?

We get to live.

We get to keep breathing fresh air and keep drinking good booze.

Some of us get to keep screwing handsome, rich men.

At least for a while, anyway.

I figure you'll get engaged to him in what, six weeks, tops.

I mean, you're so hot for each other.

Married right away and 28 days later...

It's our lives, Maddie. [sighs]

So freshen up. Go back to work.

Wait for the flowers to arrive.

What about Sally?

What about her?

She made a big mistake and he'll find her.

Rest assured, the Doctor will find her.

And when he does... That's it?

You loved her.

Don't even try to tell me that you didn't.

And?

You love this guy Patrick.

Doesn't change anything.

And don't be arrogant. This is the life we chose.

There are rules. We don't get to break them because we're stupid enough to fall in love.

Now get going.

I'll see you in the game.

In the game.

Yeah, the mother-effing game.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Yes, ma'am, they were just following protocol, but it shouldn't be much...

Holy sh*t. Andy, what the hell?

I mean, holy sh*t, he's gone. Andy, Andy, just... just tell me what's going on.

Heller bailed, man. What do you mean, bailed?

He, like, embezzled a bunch of money to marry some Russian chick and they, like, ran off to the Maldives, where they, like, don't have extradition or whatever.

Wow.

Gary Heller in the wind, huh?

Yeah. I mean, I never liked the guy, but yeesh.

Yeesh, indeed, Mr. Wang.

Yeesh, indeed.

_

_

Ez.

Hi, Eva.

What are you...

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

What the f...?

Alice. How did you...

Always forward, never back.

Hey, Ce.

♪ ♪

♪ My love, let me go again ♪

♪ Right back, back to the top of the slide ♪

♪ Down, sad clown ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ My clown, let me love you ♪

♪ What's that back to the back of the rebound ♪

♪ Clowning around ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪