03x16 - Gabby Goose

[bunniefuu]

O-N-Y-X...

- marks the winner.
- Ah.

[Chuckling] Oh! Triple-word score.

points. Looks like Jessica wins.

[Marvin laughs]

And it's not even my first language.

Great game, guys.

Marvin, I love the nautical terms.

I never knew "port" and "starboard"
meant "left" and "right".

Yeah, I learned that in the Navy.

You know, you get 'em mixed up,
and you got punished...

severely.

And, uh, Honey,
I love how you added an "S"

at the end of words
already on the board.

So clever.

I let you all do the work, and then...
Bam...

I hit you with an "S."

All right,
game night is just getting warmed up.

How about we play charades next?

- Uh-huh.
- I call Honey as partner.

Oh, n-no, no.
We'll... We'll play as couples.

A couple of gals... Me and Honey.

No, married couples.
Come on. It'll be fun.

Honey and Marvin, you go first. Okay.

Okay.

[Clears throat] [Chuckles]

- All right, ready? Go.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Uh, it's a book... novel.

W... Uh,
first word sounds like a dress, dress!

Uh, cup of tea?

"T." Tess...

"Tess of the D'Urbervilles"!

Yeah! Ah!

[Both laugh]

My girl almost went to college.

Louis: Nice. [Both laugh]

Jessica, let's show 'em what we got.

Honey: Go.

Um...

Movie.

Sounds like...

Beard. Uh...

[Marvin chuckles]

Big hat.

Sounds like big hat.

Uh, wh...

Uh...

Happy man reading?

Uh...

Cat burglar.

m*rder! [Gasps]

Sounds like m*rder!

Sounds like m*rder, okay.

Uh... woman singing.

Wha... Louis.

What are you doing?

Time's up!

Ugh! Aw!

What was that?

That was Abraham Lincoln...

Abe, sounds like Abe,

"Babe"... the movie "Babe."

I have to go to the bathroom.

[Laughs] We'll get 'em next round.

[Chuckles]

Can I get anyone more snacks?

Well,
it's been lovely having you two over.

S E Gabby Goose

♪ Fresh off the boat ♪

♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪

♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪

♪ Fresh off the boat ♪

♪ Homey,
you don't know where I come from ♪

♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪

♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪

- Is it yours?
- There was nothing on the envelope.

Was it yours to open up?
Was it yours to open up?

I don't know, Grandma.
We sent in your audition tape.

Hey, MTV!

[Groans]

I did it!

I finished designing my
Tupac tribute tattoo.

I'm gonna get this the day I turn .

You really flattered
yourself with those abs.

Oh, those aren't my abs.

See, the six-pack is part of the tattoo.

Tupac had a six-pack?

I'll never understand rap.

[Sighs]

You know,
it's been tough since 'Pac's death,

but I finally feel like I'm at a place

where I can see the light
at the end of the tunnel.

Lover: This is Ed Lover for MTV News.

Tragedy has struck again.

At : a.m. Pacific Standard Time,

Christopher Wallace,

[Voice breaking] a.k.a.
The Notorious B.I.G.,

was sh*t and k*lled
while leaving a party.

[Door closes]

Louis: Ah. [Chuckling] Hey.

Hey!

Thank you again for hosting game night.

Marvin and I had so much fun.

It was a blast, wasn't it?

Shame it had to end so early.

I know. Jessica's hilarious.

[Laughs] She just loves to win.

Her competitive spirit
is a beautiful thing.

So beautiful.

- She's beautiful.
- She really is.

[High-pitched] But, you know,
it is kind of annoying

that she's such a bad loser.

[High-pitched] Yeah,
it's not the best quality.

She sort of ruined game night.

She definitely ruined game night.

[Normal voice] And it's frustrating,

but there's not much I can do about it.

[Normal voice] I mean, you could talk
to her and tell her how you feel.

- [Chuckling] No. No way.
- Why not?

The way I was raised,
we don't talk about sensitive things.

Long story short, my brother's
nickname became "Clean Gene."

Sensitive subjects like money,
family history,

and, uh, S-E-X

were never talked about growing up.

- But you're an adult now.
- So?

So talking to Jessica
about being a bad loser

doesn't seem like a sensitive subject.

I mean,
I wouldn't even know what to say.

Try this.

Compliment the trait you want
to criticize, say you love her,

stress you mean no offense,

and then flip the
compliment into a critique.

Works every time.

Ha.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Pumpkin, come here.

- [Chuckling] Hey, Lou.
- Hey, Marv.

Sweetie, I don't have much time.

I've got a double molar transplant in,
uh, minutes.

Marvin, I love your enthusiasm.

[Chuckles] It's one of the
reasons I fell in love with you.

And I don't mean to offend you,

but [sighs] you high-five too hard.

It hurts my hand.

I shouldn't be here.

Well, thank you for telling me, Boo-boo.

From now on,
I'll high-five you less hard.

Thank you so much. [Chuckles]

- High five?
- High five.

[Laughs] Mm.

I just can't imagine
how Faith must feel.

Do you think Lil' Kim will be there?

[Chuckles softly] Yeah.

I just hope she puts on
something classy for a change.

She's always got her junk out,

and it's a solemn occasion, you know?

Yo, my mom just walked in. Hold on.

Mom, I got Monica from
Delta Airlines on the phone.

She hooked me up with a sympathy rate

on a flight to Bed-Stuy
for Biggie's funeral.

Could you give her your credit
card so she can book it?

Sure.

Mom! B.I.G. d*ed!

I thought he already d*ed.

Mom, no, that was Tupac!

Well, I am sorry you're sad,

but music people die all the time.

Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Here.

Have a Pop-Tart.

[Sighs] He's not eating.

It must be serious.

As his brothers,
it's our duty to cheer him up.

[Telephone rings]

Sorry, Monica.

Just to finish what we
were talking about earlier,

I don't know if Foxy
should give a eulogy

if Kim's gonna be there.

Too much heat, you know?

So, I was thinking that,
next game night,

we'll play "Trivial Pursuit."

No way. We'll just lose.

That's a white-people game
with white-people questions.

All the answers are
"Winston Churchill" or "the Red Sox."

[Sighs]

Jessica...

I love your competitive spirit.

It's one of the reasons
I fell in love with you.

And I don't mean to offend you...

but you're a sore loser,

and it's ruining game night for me.

[Sighs]

I could try to not care
about winning so much.

[Chuckles] Thank you so much.

It means a lot that you
would do this for me.

Oh, it's nothing. [Chuckles]

Honey was right.

I'm so glad I talked to you about this.

Honey?

You talked to Honey about me?

You... You made our private life public?

Let's say this box is our house

and this wedge is our private life.

[Wedge clatters]

That's what you just did.

Uh, where did that wedge go?
Is it behind the credenza?

Remember that the pink wedge
is behind the credenza.

Louis, I'm being serious. [Sighs]

I don't want you talking to
people about our private issues.

All I said was that
you were a sore loser.

This isn't a big deal.

Gossip about a husband
complaining about his wife

will spread like wildfire,

and soon everybody will know about it!

Honey is your best friend.
She won't say anything.

And she's the only person I
talked to about this, I swear.

Marvin can back me up.
Marvin was there?!

He's the biggest blabbermouth in town.

He gossips all day

to every patient who sits
in his dentist's chair.

[Imitates Marvin]
"Did you hear that Louis Huang

hates his wife, Jessica Huang?

Ha, some story about the Navy."

Marvin wouldn't gossip about you.

[Normal voice] He probably already has.

[Sighs]

I have to go on the
offensive now and fix this.

What? How are you gonna do that?

I am not telling you, gabby goose.

[Door opens, slams closed]

Eddie, look who's here.

I'm so sorry.
I can't believe Biggie's gone.

He was the best.

He was. He was.

I thought we could mourn together.

Biggie loved his "lime-on."

That's how he got big.

Babe, I appreciate it,
but I think I just need to be alone.

Evan: Stand aside.

I didn't think it would get to
this point, but here we are.

Look at me, Eddie!

I'm wearing the French-cut
shorts you love to make fun of.

Comment on how much of
my legs you can see!

What is wrong with this guy?

We have to cheer him up.

I'm gonna read a book I have
about the five stages of grief.

My science teacher gave it to me

when the class gerbil
ate one of her babies.

What?! That's horrible!

Was the baby alive? Don't tell me.

Was it? No, she wouldn't.

[Doorbell rings]

So, I, uh,
took your advice and talked to Jessica.

Yay! How'd it go?

Totally backfired.

She's furious that I spoke to
you about our private problems.

I'm sorry. How'd you guys leave it?

She said she's "going on the offensive"
and fixing this,

then left.

What do you think she meant by
"going on the offensive"?

Well,
maybe it means she's going to get even

by telling people something
private about you.

No, she's not vindictive like that.

I once commented in passing

that she had big hands
for a woman her size,

and the next day she gave me this.

That ran in the real-estate
guide all last spring.

Buyers would come to open houses

and look at my hands, disappointed.

- So she's a little vindictive.
- Yeah.

But even if she told people

an embarrassing thing about me,
I'd be fine with it.

- I'm an open book.
- But she knows you better than anybody.

There's nothing she could say

that would make you uncomfortable?

[Thinking] My shoe lifts.

I've got to stop her.

She's probably headed to
Marvin's dental office

right now.

Wait, why would she go see Marvin?

Honey, I love your innocence.

It's one of the reasons
why we're friends.

And I don't mean to offend you,

but your husband is the
biggest jabberjaw in Orlando.

His belly is a white-hot
forge of gossip.

Your boy talks.

[Sighs] I don't want to be outside.

This is where Biggie d*ed.

I have a book about grief,
and it says it's important

to get outside and be
among your friends.

You were there for me when
the Browns left Cleveland.

I'll be here for you.
Anything you need, I'm here.

You hear me? I'm here for you.

Why are we sitting in a circle?

Group therapy has helped me a
lot with my issues with my dad,

and I think talking your
feelings out with us

could help you, too.

I don't think that's a good i...

Just try listening.

All right, a few of us will share first.

Walter,
tell us about what you struggle with.

Nothing. I'm doing great.
Zero complaints.

So it looks like Walter
struggles with honesty.

What about you, Trent?

Well,
I was browsing Newsweek the other day,

and I saw a story that
really shook me up.

It said that redheads
were going extinct,

so now I feel all this pressure

to marry a redhead to
keep the gene pool alive.

But here's the thing...

I'm just not attracted to them.

Thank you for sharing.

And what about you, Brian?

For the last few months,

I just can't look
anywhere without being...

stimulated.

This is especially challenging
at school because...

well, there's a tree by the library

that looks like a naked lady.

Hmm. Oh.

Tree by the library?

Did you know Biggie
was only years old?

I'm .

Half my life could already be over.

What have I done with
my time on this Earth?

You know what's crazier
than Biggie dying so young?

He knew his days were numbered.

His first album is called
"Ready to Die,"

and I'm thinking, "Am I ready to die?"

Are you guys ready to die?

Yikes.

Okay. Uh, that's enough for today.

Great session.
Let's pick it up next Tuesday.

So, you know how Sheila's
put on a few pounds.

[Muffled] Hmm.
She says it's a hormone issue,

but I heard it's
'cause she's on antidepressants.

Zoloft?

Maybe Zoloft. I don't know.

Lou. [Chuckles]

- What are you doing here?
- Oh [chuckles]

Just in the neighborhood,
buying some basketballs.

[Chuckles] Thought I'd drop by.

[Thinking] Smooth. We're in.

I must say it's an honor

to be visited by both Huangs in one day.

Oh, God. Jessica did come here.

Does he already know? Should I ask him?

No, dummy. Just play it cool.

Jessica was here? [Thinking] Damn it.

Yep, she popped in real quick to
grab some free mini toothpastes.

[Chuckles] Oh, that's normal.
She does that.

Maybe she didn't say anything.

I just love it that she's so
passionate about her tooth care.

[Chuckles] A great smile
really makes you stand taller.

[Thinking] Taller?
She definitely said something.

I can't believe this.

- Stand taller, huh?
- Yep. That's my slogan.

[Laughs]

Shaquille.

[Thinking] Well, maybe she didn't, then.

This is getting me nowhere.
I have to ask him if he knows.

Dr. Ellis,
we've got an emergency in Room Two.

Another kid cracked a
tooth on a Jawbreaker.

Why don't they take those
things off the market?

I got to run, Lou.

Sorry to cut the visit short.

Short?

Short? Was that a pun?

Was he mocking me?

Oh, no.

[Laughter] All the time.

I knew it!

She told Marvin,

and now she's telling
the neighborhood ladies

about my lifts.

She's so vengeful.

No way. [Laughs] You're not serious.

- Totally serious.
- Oh, he does not.

I swear he does.

I swear he does.

You ladies having a good
laugh about my lifts?

I am ' " and three-quarters,

and it's a quarter-inch
lift to get to ' ".

I am not ashamed.

- Louis.
- What, Jessica?

Are you afraid I'm gonna tell everyone

that you had a meltdown
playing charades?

[Gasps] Jessica,
you had a meltdown playing charades?

Louis, you wear lifts?

Ehh.

You thought I told Marvin, Deidre,
and Carol-Joan about your lifts?!

I would never say embarrassing
things about my husband

- behind his back.
- I know. I just...

It reflects badly on me, too.

I don't want everyone knowing
I'm married to a short man.

Short? It's just a quarter-inch.

Yes. A quarter-inch from normal.

[Sighs] Look, I know I overreacted,

but you said you were going
on the offensive. [Sighs]

I meant charm offensive.

I was showing them my best self

so that, if they did hear any gossip,

they wouldn't believe it.

If Deidre heard that I got upset
at charades, she would say,

"[Imitates Deidre] That
doesn't sound like Jessica.

The beautiful woman with normal-size
hands would never do that."

- That's really smart.
- It is.

And I wasn't just doing it for me.

I complimented you, too.

I told them that you cut
your own fruit by yourself.

No man does that.

I was tired of waiting
for you to come home

so I could eat melon.

I want to eat melon when
I want to eat melon.

Okay, Louis, do you know why I did that?

Because I care about our
reputation in the community.

Since when do you care
what people think?

I don't want them having
the wrong idea about us,

that we're the kind of people
who tear each other down.

If anything, we lift each other up.

- Hmm.
- Like your insoles.

I feel terrible.

What can we do to fix it?

[Sighs]

We invite everyone over for game night,

and we put on our best face together.

I prove that I can handle
losing at charades,

and we show them that we are a solid
couple just like everyone else.

How do you know we'll lose?

[Chuckles]

Louis, come on.

♪ I still leave you
on the pavement ♪

♪ Condo paid for... ♪

Look at that mope.

Why is nothing we're doing working?

The grief book says he needs
more time to process the loss.

Hey! What the hell?!

I've had enough of your sadness.

- Cheer up!
- Stop hitting my butt!

We're trying so hard.
Why won't you feel better?

What Evan's trying to say is we
don't like seeing you so sad.

Maybe if you tell us

why it's hurting you so badly,
we can help.

[Sighs]

It's hard to explain.

Biggie's always been there for me.

When we moved to Orlando
and I had no friends,

his rhymes cheered me up.

He was my friend.

And I always thought that,
maybe one day,

we'd be friends for real...

Hanging out on the
double yacht we bought

with the money from our joint
soda venture, "Notorious F.I.Z."

[Sighs]

I loved him, and now he's gone.

[Sighs]

I don't know what else to do!

I've got a less violent plan.

[Laughter]

Carol-Joan, I love your shirt.
Are those horses?

Yes. Wild ones.

Unbroken like your spirit.

[Whispering] This is going perfectly.

Initiate phase two.

Uh, so, what game should we play first?

How about charades? I love charades.

- That could be fun.
- Charades it is.

Couple teams. Me and
Jessica will go first.

Okay. Great. Fine. All right, great.

Ready? And... go!

Jessica: It's a movie.

Uh, flying a jet.

Gorilla.

Angry Gorilla?

Angry Gorilla Flying Jet,
saying goodbye!

Uh, j...

Runner.

Sassy runner.

Sassy runner falls down!

Uh... laughing baby?

And time!

What... What were you doing there?

[Breathes deeply] That famous scene

when John Dunbar and
Two Socks romp together,

causing the Sioux to name him...

"Dances With Wolves."

[Sighs] Yes.

[Chuckles] Of course.

I totally should've gotten that.

It was a really good
Two Socks impression.

Hmm.

Deidre: Okay.
Well, Richard and I will go next.

CJ, if you're keeping time,

can you make sure and give
us the extra seconds

that Richard gave Jessica?

It's a minute-glass, not an hourglass.

Oh, look who's suddenly Mother Time.

I wish you had that attitude

when you're eating ice-cream cones.

Drip, drip, drip all over my Volvo.

- I do not have ice cream.
- Oh, please.

No, for "Dances With Wolves,"
you should've used that

tomahawk-chop gesture.

Ooh. N-No.
Marvin, we've talked about this.

That gesture might not
seem like a big deal

to people of your generation,

but it is offensive to Native Americans.

I've asked you never to use that term
"my generation."

It's offensive to "me-Americans."

Okay, but if you're gonna say it...

- I don't eat ice cream.
- I'm just asking you not to use it.

Why is that the focus?
[Indistinct arguing]

I don't know where to look.

Just look at the plant in the corner.

[Arguing continues]

I still haven't gotten that
wedge from behind the credenza.

I can't believe they criticize
each other right in front of us.

Me neither.

And how about Carol-Joan telling us

her husband doesn't believe in pandas?

I get now why you were upset

that I complained to Honey about you.

I promise I won't do it again.

Thank you.

And if something's bothering you,
you can just tell me.

I tell you.

You sure do, every day.

[Both laugh]

It's hard for me, but I'll try.

So go ahead.

Oh. Right now?

Sure.

Okay. Um, there is one thing.
I mean, it's tiny.

Whatever it is, just say it.

I want to have another kid.

Something smaller.

Okay.

You guys did this?

I designed and painted it.
Evan tarped the floor.

Do you see any paint
spots on the carpet?

No, you don't.

Now Biggie can be with you forever,

or at least until you
move out of the house.

Thank you.

Even though Biggie's gone,

it's good to know I have my
bros with me when I need them.

♪ Unh ♪

♪ Unh ♪
♪ Unh ♪

♪ Come on ♪

Is that...

Oh, my God! It is!

The double yacht!

♪ Sometimes your words
just hypnotize me ♪

♪ And I just love your flashy ways ♪