12x12 - About Last Night...

[bunniefuu]

# I'm going down to South Park #

# Gonna have myself a time #

# Friendly faces everywhere #

# Humble folks without temptation #

# Going down to South Park #

# Gonna leave my woes behind #

# Ample parking day or night #

# People spouting "howdy neighbor" #

# Headed on up to South Park #

# Gonna see if I can't unwind #

# Come on down to South Park #

# And meet some friends of mine #

If there is anyone out there tonight

who still doubts that America is a place

where all things are possible.

Who still wonders if
the dream of our founders

is alive in our time

who still questions
the power of our democracy...

tonight is your answer.

Yeah!

Obama!

Woo-hooo!

We did it,
we f-ing did it!

Yeah!

It's been a long time
coming but tonight,

because of what we did on
this date in this election

at this defining moment
change has come to America.

Yeah!
Yeah Obama!

Change!
It's changeeeee!

Sasha and Malia I love you both
more than you can imagine.

And you have earned the new puppy

that's coming with us to the White House.

We will name him "Sparkles".

He's so awesome!

He's so perfect and awesome!

Where we are met
with cynicism and doubt

and those who tell us that we can't.

We will respond with that timeless creed

that sums up the spirit of a people.

Yes we can.

Yes we can!

Yes I can!

Yes I can!

Here comes the change everybody!

Whoooo!

Did you see?
Our man is in!

We did it!

Everything is going to be awesome now!

This is the greatest day of our lives!

Yes we can!

I don't even know what to do now!

I know what to do!

Looosers...

Looosers...

Looosers!

Loosers!
Looosers!

Oh shut up!!

We lost?

It is natural.

It's natural, tonight,
to feel some disappointment.

We fought as hard as we could.

And though we fell short

the failure is mine, not yours.

No!
No!

Aww, poor ol' John McCain.

He looks real sad.

No, no, this can't happen-- no!

Steven!

It's all over, Linda!

The country as we know it
is about to change.

We're all dead.

You don't know that Steven!

With an inexperienced
man as president, we do know it!

He is right, game over man, m'kay!

We'll probably be dead by sunrise!

Butters, Daddy loves you.

Just remember that.

He always loved you.

Wooo! Obama!

Get outta here!

Dude have you seen my parents?

No, everyone's out
partying in the streets.

What's wrong with your brother?

He was a McCain supporter.

It's okay, Ike, Obama will do fine.

Wahhhh!

- Mr. President, over here!
- Congratulations!

- Great job Mr. President!
- Great job, Obama!

Thank you all for your support.

If you don't mind I'm going to
spend the rest of the evening

getting some much needed rest.

Senator McCain!

'President' Obama.

- Boom baby!
- Boom baby!

Oh man that was perfect!

I almost thought we were
going to tie for a minute there.

That would have screwed us!

You played it perfectly.

There was no way.

It's McCain, we did it.

Obama is President.

Yeah, so I've heard.

You guys are out of your freaking minds,

you know that?

Yes, we do.

Assemble the rest of the team,

we've only got ten hours.

Sure, hard part's over, right?

Actually, the hard part's just starting.

# Yahoo #

Obama, yeah, I can't believe it!

Obama!

Obama!

Obama! Obama! Obama!

# Celabrate good Obama #

# Come on #

# It's Oba-Obama #

Bleechh!

Yes, I'd like to make a noise complaint.

# Who let the dogs out #

# Who-who who-who-who #

# Who let the dogs out #

Obama!
Obama!

# Who let the Obama out #

# Who-who who-who-who #

Oh-oh police are here!

Oooohhhh!

Ooohhh!
Ooohhh!
Ooohhh!

Okay people, time to disperse.

Party's over.

- Boooo!
- It's a party! Obama!

Come on, time to go home.

What are you, a McCain voter?

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

Sorry pal, but Obama's President now!

Obam-a!
Obam-a!

Obama!

Obama!

Yeah, yeah, flip the cop car!

Flip the cop car!

Hey, put down my car!

Yes we can!

No...
Hey stop it!

Jesus Christ.

# Obama you're so fine #

# You're so fine you blow my mind #

# Hey Obama #

# Hey Obama #

Hey you guys wanna buy a TV?

Bravo, Obama and McCain.

Ten years you two have been
working on this plan

and you finally pulled it off.

Guys we've all
known each other a long time

had many incredible adventures

but this is going to be our
greatest feat ever.

I knew it!

I knew when you two ran for president
you were just working an angle.

Always workin' the angles.

My friends, while the entire country
is busy reacting to the election

we are about to pull off
the greatest heist in human history.

So... come on, enlighten us.

What are we stealing this time?

The Hope Diamond.

Rated number four of the
ten most precious diamonds in the world.

Going street value,
Middle Eastern market, of course

$210 million dollars.

210?!

Million.

No, no, no, no, no.

The Hope Diamond is ungettable.

Every thief in the world knows that.

Almost ungettable.

The diamond is kept in the
Smithsonian Natural History Museum

long considered to be the most
thief-proof structure ever built.

The diamond wing is protected
by impenetrable walls

of 2-foot wide steel.

On the northeast side,
a seven-five laser system.

There is simply no side of the Smithsonian

that can be breached.

So you go in from the roof.

Drop into it from the top.

Can't get to it from the top.

Because a polymer shelf
runs the entire expanse.

Okay, you can't get into
the museum from any side

and you can't drop from above.

So you can't get the diamond.

Meet the presidential escape tunnel.

A two-mile-long underground passage

that runs from the White House

to a location outside the city limits
in case of an att*ck.

The tunnel is only accessible
from the Oval Office

and just happens to travel...

right underneath the Smithsonian
Natural History Museum.

- Boom baby!
- Boom baby!

You get somebody into that tunnel

they can blast into the museum -

let the others in...

The heist is on.

So you both run for president

because one you has to win

and you've got your access to the tunnel.

And we run a particularly brutal campaign

so that the nation is as
distracted as possible

over the next eight hours.

This all sounds very risky.

We've spent ten years
putting this plan together.

If we are indeed the greatest
thief club in the world--

And we are.

We won't get caught.

Yes I'm trying to locate my parents.

My name is Kyle Broflovski.

Yes, I know Obama won.

Kyle-- Kyle you gotta get out here!

What?

Your little brother's climbed
out onto the window!

I think he's going to jump!

Oh my God!

Wahhh!

Ike don't do it!

There's still so much to live for!

No! Nooo!

I know you really wanted McCain to win

but it's going to be okay.

No, that's not true, Ike!

The economy could easily
stabilize with Obama's plan!

Ike, don't jump!

You could really hurt
your ankle or something.

Really, Ike that's like
five feet off the ground...

don't do it!

Good bye!

- No!
- No!

Ike...
Oh crap Ike!?

Alright everyone, I'm turning in for the night.

Go to standard security, team three.

Sir...Sir, we have a bit of a problem.

- What?
- The new President Elect is here.

He wants in to the Oval Office.

Barack Obama?

They're all right through here, sir.

Uh, hello.

Is there something we can
do for you Mr. Obama?

Just checking out the new digs.

How are you guys?

Good, sir.

I'd like to see the Oval Office, please.

Right now?

I don't waste time, gentlemen.

I've only got two months to figure out

how I want to redecorate,

if you know what I mean.

You know, change the drapes and stuff.

Sure, right this way Mr...President.

I will need absolute privacy,

is that understood?

Yes, Sir.

Thanks.

I got a hundred dollars!

Alright, McCain... I'm in.

Nicely done, B.

We're in position outside the Smithsonian.

You find the escape tunnel?

I'm already on it.

Boom baby.

Yeah!

Weeeeww... change...

Change!

Change!

Dad...Dad we have a problem!

Not anymore we don't!

Everything's different now!

No, Dad we gotta take Kyle's
brother to the hospital!

We don't have to take crap

from the rich fat cats anymore!

Dude, he's wasted.

Hey it's my boss!
Hey boss!

Oh hello, Marsh.

Yeah, you know what?

f*ck you!

Huh?

You heard me you f*cking piece of sh*t!

I can finally tell you what I think of you!

f*ckin' assh*le.

Dad what are you doing?!

It's okay, Stan, everything's changed.

I don't need his stupid
f*cking job anymore!

You're a little f*cking ass f*ck.

Piece a' sh*t!

You know what Obama said?

"Yes we can!"

Hey, I voted for Obama!

Obama's not talking about you!

Can someone help us!

My little brother fell out the window!

I just want to say to everyone

who's a little disappointed
that we lost the election

that there's always next year!

Maybe I'll run for
Vice President again in 2009!

Uh, Mrs. Palin have you seen or
heard from John McCain?

Uhh, no, I don't really
know where he went.

Kind of seems a little odd, I guess, but--

Oh, my phone's going ringy--
Excuse me.

Hallooo?

Hello Sarah, it's McCain.

I hope to God you're calling to tell me

you're in position below the
vault with the L-7 charges.

I'm in the tunnel now, Sarah.

Should be almost below the museum.

Just make sure you don't blow
the transformers along with the tunnel

because it will trigger the 5.4 laser system.

And don't damage any coupling wires

or it'll be worthless when
Garret shuts down the grid.

I'll be there in 30.

God, she's awesome.

Oh, I guess Senator McCain's
gonna fly me back to Alaska now.

He's got a private jet you know.

Okay, bye-bye then!

Bloody idiots.

Alright here we go.

What's that noise?

It's ok, just some construction outside.

Oh no --

McCain...we've got a problem.

Hang in there Ike,
we're gonna get you help.

Hey, there's some people!

Listen, stay back stay back!

We don't have any more room in the ark!

You have to let us in!

You know the country is doomed!

Who are you to turn us away?

I built this bunker in case McCain lost!

There isn't enough room for everyone!

Hey excuse me, but we need some help!

I know you do but there's
no more room I tell ya!

You're going to deny them too?

God sakes man they're children!

Look them in the eyes

and tell them you won't take them in!

Look at their little cheeks!

Let go of my face assh*le.

Alright damn you!

The children can come in!

No, we don't want in your stupid shelter!

- Okay then I want their place.
- Me too!

We need to get a ride to the hospital!

There isn't going to be a hospital,
don't you get it!?

Let us in now!

Oh jeez it's already happening!

Society's breaking down!

Obama hasn't been elected four hours

and already the country is going to hell!

Mr. Obama...
Sir?

Alright, give me the keys.

Is there a problem, gentlemen?

Uh no, no Sir...
Everything ok in there?

Why wouldn't it be?

I'm sorry, but I asked to be left alone.

Yes, Sir it's just that...

Your wife is here.

My wife?

Barack, everyone's been looking for you!

What on Earth are you doing?

Uh... come on in, darling.

Th-thank you boys.

Okay Barack, tell me what's going on.

Michelle there's something I need tell you.

What is it?

Barack, what is it?

The laser system guarding the diamond

was replaced with an
optical relay three days ago.

You gotta be kidding me!

So the entire diamond vault
is inaccessible?

Is McCain online?

Hi Michelle.

Your guys weren't running update
checks on the security logs?

Michelle, we need you to do
a different scan hack to the vault relay.

On a new system--
in an hour?

Are you nuts?

My job was to pretend to
be married to this bozo

and get you three scan hacks
into a laser system.

Michelle, it's Sarah.

They did replace the laser system

but the new one isn't brand new.

It's an old H-7 series-

you can break this baby in 30 minutes.

Ugh, tell Davis to get me
a foretrans emitter

and enough pulse drives to light a spark.

- You catch that Davis?
- I'm on it.

We made it, Ike.

You're going to be okay.

There, just take a seat over there!

Excuse me!

My little brother needs medical attention.

Was he an Obama supporter
or a McCain supporter?

Why does that matter?

Because then I'll know if he partied too hard

or if he tried to k*ll himself.

Ma'am please, I think
my little brother needs immediate help!

You don't understand, kid!

There's only two doctors on call!

And Doctor Wilson is out celebrating
in the street somewhere!

So where's the other doctor?

Hey, come on people!

We can keep partying can't we?

Yes we can!

Come on let's sing!

# Ohhhh - bama #

# Well you came and you
gave without taking #

- Shut up!
- Ahggh!

# But I sent you away #

# Oh bama #

# When you kissed me and
stopped me from shaking #

# But I sent you away #

I've almost got it.

You're only going to have five minutes...

do you understand?

Did you really not like
pretending to be married?

Oh Jesus, now is not the time, B.

Come on, you have to admit
we had some fun.

My girls need somebody better

than a world-class diamond thief.

Wait, there, I got it.

Alright everyone we're about to go

so here's the revised schedule:

4:40 am...the team gathers

at the northwest exit of the museum.

4:45 am...
Michelle hacks the optical relay

allowing me access to the rear doors.

Go!

4:46...
From inside I can open the doors

and let in the rest of the crew.

5:10 am...
At the department of power
Quincy shuts down the grid

disabling power to the vault room.

5:12...
My Grandmother, who faked
her death on Monday

calls in a b*mb thr*at to the museum.

I said I put a b*mb in your building, yes.

5:13...
The guards open the southwest door

checking the museum for any bombs.

5:14...
McCain, dressed as a football player

enters security and shuts off
the diamond case alarm.

Hey you, stop!

Michelle and I head back into the tunnel

and the hole is patched.

5:15 am...
I walk out of the Oval Office

with the diamond securely
hidden in my anus.

All done, thanks.

Boom baby!

Just one thing-

don't you think people
are going to be suspicious

when you disappear?

Go looking for you?

We hired a guy for that
a couple months ago.

What the hell?

Ike?

Boom baby!

Here are all the tickets
for your group, Mr. Sanchez.

Thank you very much.

Well, friends, let us depart.

Hey uh...you guys go ahead.

I just came to say goodbye.

What?

I've decided to hang it up.

Maybe give this President thing a sh*t.

B, you can't be serious!

Besides, you d*ed in a jet in
the Rocky Mountains, remember?

Could have been I didn't make that flight.

What do you say, Michelle?

Would you and your girls like to move into
the White House with me?

You know, settle down,

just be President and First Lady for a while?

You're serious.

Who knows, maybe we could
change a few things.

What'dya say?

Ah...what the f*ck.

I just love happy endings.

It's still here...
It's all still here!

Does that mean maybe we overreacted?

No, no, I wouldn't say that.

It's just maybe...

Maybe Obama will be alright.

Ugh... oh ow... ow...

Hey, where are my pants?

Where's our TV?

Where are my pants and where's my TV?

Dad your boss called he said you're fired.

Ugh--
God dammit!

Obama said things would be different!

That son of a bitch lied to us!

I knew I should have voted for McCain!

Ragh!