- (ominous music playing)
- (thunder crashes)
(rock music playing)
Red or green? (chuckles)
Should be pretty easy.
Okay, so, I'll just go for it.
- (electrical zap)
- (screams)
♪ I remember one night the
kid cut off his right arm ♪
- ♪ In a bid to save a bit of power ♪
- (Mike grunting)
♪ He got , watts ♪
(chuckles) Oh f*ck.
- (sighs)
- ♪ In a big acoustic tower ♪
(coughs) Phew!
Okay, so that one... nuh-uh
This one... mm, eh, give it a sh*t.
- (electrical zap)
- Ow! f*ck!
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Triangle, square,
square, triangle.
Oval into oval, hexagon into hexagon.
Parallelogram into... well, duh...
parallelogram. (laughs) All right.
(snaps fingers)
(clicks)
- (hums)
- (ecstatically) f*ck! Oh f*ck.
(stammers) I push that one, it...
and I push that one, it's like...
and it's like... Wait a minute.
What if I push 'em both? (chuckles)
- (electrical zap)
- (screams) f*ck!
- (groans)
- ♪ In the tall buildings ♪
- (whirs)
- Ow. Ow. Ow.
♪ Worthy men from Spain and Siam ♪
Whoa. (chuckles) f*ck.
(grunting) f*ck. f*cking button.
Ow. Ow. Okay, easy.
Easy, easy, easy. Easy.
(music fades)
(coughs, sniffles) Hey,
Mikey, you home yet?
Phil. Hey, happy Friday, man.
- Huh?
- Hey! Likewise, dude.
Oh, do you know what? Come
here. I have a surprise for you.
- Oh, no way.
- Mike: Yeah. How was your day?
It was good. They still
got me on the button game.
Oh, I remember the buttons, sure.
Um, Jesus, it hurts, like, every time.
I thought they were gonna come fix that.
Hi, honey. Mwah.
Lemme just wash up real quick
and I'll be right back, okay?
- (water running)
- Oh, that's good.
Just wash the work week
off. It's the weekend.
Um, so, what's this surprise you got?
Oh my God, yeah. Okay,
all right, close your eyes.
- Okay.
- Actually, open your eyes, I'll turn around.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay. All right.
Are they... Are your eyes closed?
No, my eyes are open. I'm
looking at the back of your head.
Sorry. Okay, here we go. Okay, ready?
- (wolf whistle)
- What the hell?
- Ah! Right?
- What is that?
Where'd you get it from?
It's basically like a...
a warrior face paint.
- Warrior.
- I think it's like a trophy
for k*lling it in my challenges.
- (chuckles) You know.
- It's warrior face paint?
I look tough as hell, huh?
I know, dude. I want some.
The only down side is it does make
my lips stick together a little bit.
Wh... I want my lips to stick.
I want lipstick.
This isn't fair, dude. I'm just, like,
- having a little bit of a panic att*ck.
- No, I see that.
Every day's the same
f*cking thing here, man.
I do the button game, I get zapped.
You're doing your maze thing.
It's just like, what is this, man?
Where are we? What are
we doing here, Mike?
Dude, dude, dude, just
take your green pellet.
- Okay? There you go.
- (gulps, sighs)
- I feel better. (chuckles)
- Those types of questions...
It's... it's a fool's
errand to try to answer.
Okay? This is our life.
This is how it's always been and
this is how it always will be.
You know, I bet you the cave rats
asked these very same questions
when they weren't, you know,
jerking off to stars or whatever.
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- You know?
- Well, here, take another pill, and let's...
- No. You know what?
I'm actually good. Me and
Lumpy are going to dinner later
and I don't wanna fill up. (laughs)
- Like my name. Philip.
- I love name jokes.
That's cool. Oh, that's cool.
You guys are going to dinner?
- Yeah.
- And that's just a you-and-her thing?
Yeah, we're not double-dating
or anything this week.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah. Right, right.
- It's just gonna be like...
- (sniffles)
- What did you say?
I didn't. I breathed in through
my nose sharply. (clears throat)
- If you're inviting me, I, of course, will go.
- No.
You know Fridays are date
nights for me and Lumpy.
It's our one night a week to
just get out and really enjoy...
You guys are together
almost every night.
I don't know how many times I
have to go over this with you.
(slowly) Friday nights?
Can you understand me now?
- That's offensive.
- (coughs) If I just speak...
- That's an offensive accent.
- What accent was I doing?
I can't even tell, but there's
a hint of something...
- and I don't like it.
- No. No, no, no.
- Can I please come?
- (emphatically) I'm not going
- over this again!
- Lumpy: Boys, boys.
Boys. Now, Philly, I
think it would be so nice
to have Mike at dinner. You
know, we've got plenty of pellets.
(chuckles) Lumpy, you keep
me sane. Do you know that?
You're the only thing worth living for
in this crazy, mixed-up world.
- Mike, of course you can come. I'm sorry.
- Oh, such a good man.
- Isn't he such a good man?
- A great guy.
- Great guy.
- Two great people.
(chuckles) Our relationship
is like two spring meadows
just coming together and
causing like a valley...
Of mild arousal.
I know. I was just gonna say
that, too. Just mild arousal.
- (both laugh)
- It... it's pretty sick.
- What are you guys talking about?
- Nothing, Michael.
♪ ♪
(beeping)
(beeps, buzzes)
(whirs)
(sighs)
- (chimps chattering)
- (sniffles)
(chatters)
(slurps, chatters)
- (chuckling)
- You know what, Corey?
It was your idea to get on this
f*cking monkey in the first place.
Ugh! Come on, are you kidding me?
No, that's exactly what you said, Corey.
You said we're gonna get on the monkey
and then we're gonna get
front seats at the Knicks game.
You know what? It was a good plan.
- Wh-wh-wh-what was the plan?
- We get on the circus monkey.
- And what?
- The circus monkey
goes to Madison Square Garden.
We hop off the monkey and we've
got courtside seats for life.
It was foolproof, you idiot.
Yeah, and then the f*cking
monkey got kidnapped.
How the f*ck was I supposed to
know it was gonna get kidnapped?
Pass me the ball. Can you
do this? Can you do this?
- I could do that.
- No, you can't do sh*t.
You got no skills to pay the bills.
Yeah, right, dude. They
call me Carmelo Anthony,
- 'cause I'm the best Knick of all time.
- Get the f*ck outta here!
- What kind of Knicks fan are you?
- All right, who do you like?
Top five Knicks of all time: I
got Patrick Ewing at the center,
Willis Reed... I switch him
over to the power forward...
Bernard King at the small forward,
Earl "The Pearl" Monroe sh**ting guard,
Walt "Clyde" Frazier at the two.
That's just my starting team.
Off the bench! God knows what
I'm gonna do with you guys.
You know what, dude? You and
me should play for the Knicks.
- We would be good.
- Right?
I mean, we'd be fantastic. Quick.
We'd be sick. We have four arms.
- Four arms.
- Check it out.
Okay, yeah, we would have
some problems with the size.
Yeah, you are a little short.
(stammers) I had a little
coffee in high school.
- Okay? It stunted my growth.
- Uh, that explains it.
But I'm like Muggsy Bogues. He was
' ". He was like a little gnat.
- Gnats are smaller than us!
- That's true.
- Gnats are smaller than fleas.
- Wait a second.
- Did we not take a left?
- Jesus, everything looks the same.
Huh. Maybe we'll go this way.
- (rustles)
- Holy sh*t.
Look at f*cking this.
(heavenly choir sings)
Erik: This is beautiful.
Corey: It's f*cking huge!
- (snores)
- (chimps chattering)
God. Makes you think about how much
smaller we are than this monkey.
And then Madison Square Garden?
I bet you could fit like,
- I don't know, monkeys in there.
- At least monkeys.
I mean, can you imagine
how big the whole world is?
Damn, dude. Sometimes
it's... it's all too much.
- What do you mean, Erik?
- I was just thinking...
There's this monkey,
we're in his assh*le...
Does he even know we exist?
Probably not. You know?
But then, does God even know we exist?
And-and... and if he
did know we existed,
why would he even care about us?
Corey: I don't know.
Maybe he doesn't, man.
Maybe we're free. Just passing through.
A brief pause in the great cosmic dance.
It's like we're between
planes of existence, you know?
- We're ephemeral.
- You know what I like about you?
- You got good words, Corey.
- Thanks, Erik.
We are ephemeral. It's like
I'm only a small reflection
- of the world I constructed.
- Yeah, exactly.
I... I am big. I mean, I am the
second-tallest flea on this monkey's ass.
That's gotta stand for something, right?
Yeah! You're getting it!
Erik: Yo! I'm ephemeral!
I don't give a sh*t!
Corey: There you go, Erik! Let it out!
Erik: I got blood
pumping through my veins!
I'm feeling good! It's mostly
monkey blood, too! How you like that?
Woo! I can see it on
the Jumbotron right now.
Erik and Corey are the two
greatest Knicks of all time!
There's three seconds
left. I have the ball.
- I put it behind my back!
- Woo-hoo!
Two, one! He sh**t...
And it's good!
(buzzer sounds)
- Corey: Yeah, yeah! Woo-hoo!
- The crowd goes crazy.
- Everybody's going nuts.
- Yeah!
- (kisses)
- Whoa. Wh-wh... what
the... What the f*ck was that?
Oh. Uh, I thought we were ephemeral,
like "Who gives a sh*t?" You
know? I don't know. I'm gay.
Uh, yeah, no, I'm... I'm
gay too, but this is...
this is a sacred place, my
friend. You gotta earn that.
I'm sorry. sh*t. I'm an idiot.
Well, don't apologize.
Maybe... maybe you try again.
- Oh.
- Maybe shut your eyes this time?
- Yeah. Sorry.
- None of that tongue sh*t.
- Of course.
- Kiss me on the lips,
- like a gentleman.
- (kisses)
There you go. Soft, nice.
Hold me tight.
(owl hoots)
(thunder crashes)
Phil: Anyway, we're out
to dinner with Craig and...
- What's his wife's name?
- Sarah.
- Sarah, yeah. So we...
- Yes.
- Craig and Sarah?
- She's just, I mean, beautiful,
- lovely, really nice.
- She's so nice,
but Craig's got this nasally
voice, so he's like...
(nasally) talking about everything.
(normal voice) The
waiter comes over, right,
and he tells him, "I'm sorry. I think
there's a cat in here or something."
No, that's just Craig. That's just Craig!
(laughs) That's Craig!
- (all laughing)
- Lumpy: I love it. It's so funny.
Oh, careful.
- Oh f*ck.
- Philly.
- Philly. Philadelphia.
- Philly made a spilly.
- I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry.
- Can we get some napkins over here?
I'm sorry. I'm f*cking sorry.
Baby, I think you've
had a bit too much.
- Mmm.
- I think you're all mixed up.
You know what? We've been here a
while. Why don't we call it a night?
No, you guys stay.
I... I'm f*cking wasted.
You know, I know it. Listen, I know it.
Maybe you just need a little lie down.
- I love you so much, Lumpy.
- (chuckles) Oh.
Give your little baby
boy a kiss, Mommy...
- (coughs) I mean, Lumpy.
- (laughs) Yes.
- My little sweetie.
- No, this is great. I'm glad I came.
I'm gonna go lay my little
head on my little bed.
- That's a good idea, probably.
- Sleepy bye-byes.
I'll be dreaming about you...
- Oh. My darling.
- ...my precious Lumpy.
The only thing that
makes life worth living.
- Aww.
- Oop! I got it.
- I got it. Get off. I got it. I got it.
- Oh, mind... Okay.
- All right?
- Okay, see you guys later.
- Yeah, all right. Get some sleep, okay?
- Peace. Peace, Philly.
- (both laugh)
- Yeah, Phil is crazy, huh?
No, he really is.
He's absolutely mental.
Yeah. You're not
mental, though, are you?
(clears throat)
(whispering) Lumpy, we
can't keep doing this.
Oh, but why not, Mike? I want you.
- Don't do this.
- I just... Please.
He's right there.
(snores) I pick the
green one, I get zapped.
I pick the red one, I get zapped.
Oy vey. It's a whole thing.
- We have to tell him.
- No!
- (gasps)
- No, you can't, or all this falls apart.
The guilt is eating me up inside.
I should be eating you up outside.
- (slurps)
- Oh my God.
Lumpy, what the f*ck?
- (clatters)
- (kissing)
(Phil moans)
Morning, Mikey. Morning, Lumpy.
- Ah!
- What?
(moans) I had the craziest
dream last night, you guys.
These two people just like wrestling,
but it was also like they
were having a lot of fun.
- So weird, dude.
- (both laugh nervously)
That's crazy.
- Phil: Yeah, dude.
- So abnormal.
But you were asleep for the
whole night, though, right?
Yeah, pretty uninterrupted.
It felt good, actually.
- You needed that.
- Wait a... mmm.
- Hold on a second.
- Hmm? What's up?
- Why are you stopping talking?
- Umm... Lumpy.
What did you do last
night after I went to bed?
- Nothing.
- She didn't really do anything.
- Nothing. Yeah.
- She just kind of hanging.
So, I went to bed and nothing happened?
- No. No. No.
- No, no, I didn't. Did you?
- I didn't. No.
- Did I... no. I didn't see...
Well, I can't believe this.
Look, dude. O-okay.
They come in here overnight and
give Lumpy warrior face paint.
Mike's got warrior face paint.
Philly's the only boy in the
apartment not getting face paint!
- This is just rich, you know? This...
- Phil.
(sighs) Yeah, Mikey?
What is it, my best
friend in the whole world?
- Lumpy and I are in love.
- (gasps)
- What'd you say?
- It's time to come clean.
Lumpy, is this true?
(sighs) I... I don't know what to say.
That's kind of all I can say.
But... Lumpy is my girlfriend.
And... and, Mike,
you're... (clearing throat)
you're my best... You're
my best friend, dude.
How could you... ack! How could...
- (choking)
- Mike: Phil!
- Lumpy: Oh my God.
- He's trying to k*ll himself.
- Okay, I'm gonna grab his legs.
- I wanna die! I wanna die!
- I'm trying!
- Get off of me! Go on!
I'm not strong! f*ck you! f*ck you!
(grunts) All right.
Oh, there he goes. There he goes.
- Grab him.
- I'm trying.
- Lumpy: Phil.
- Phil, what are you doing?
- (chokes, coughs)
- I don't know how
you could drown yourself
with one of those anyway.
- Okay, get him. Keep an eye on him.
- No, get off!
- I wanna f*cking die.
- Both: No, no, no, no, no!
Ow! sh*t.
Oh God, here we go again.
- Light myself on f*cking fire!
- No! Don't blow it out!
- Lumpy, get a blanket!
- Watch me burn!
- Get off of me!
- Son of a bitch.
- (grunts) Oh...
- Mike: Well, that didn't work.
- Please.
- Just... just stop.
- It's never going to work.
- You're not going to k*ll yourself
by running into a wall,
okay? Just quit it.
- Lumpy?
- Yes?
Was I not a good boyfriend to you?
Oh. Ohh.
That's not really the answer
I was looking for, Lumps.
I think you just need to eat. I
think you need to eat something.
Exactly. Darling, have some pellets.
- (excitedly) That's it!
- What?
I'll go on a hunger strike, dude.
- No. D...
- If I don't eat, then I'll die.
Don't do that.
You two lovebirds are gonna
have to watch me wither away!
(laughs maniacally)
Mike: All right, get your
hand on green. Go.
- Okay, I'm trying. (laughs)
- Where are you putting your hand?
Where do you think I'm putting my hand?
- Oh my God.
- (Lumpy sighs)
♪ ...into Lump's pajamas ♪
♪ She totally confused
all the passing piranhas ♪
Mike (on TV): Nobody ever
thanks the plate guy.
- Can you believe Variety panned this?
- It's really good.
- Really funny and good. Really.
- Really funny and so good.
(chanting) I'm in space.
♪ She might be dead ♪
♪ Lump lingered last
in line for brains ♪
♪ And the one she got was
sorta rotten and insane ♪
- I think I'm gonna turn in.
- Okay.
- Night, baby.
- All right, good night. Love you.
Okay, love you. (chuckles)
(slurps) Hmm-hmm-hmm.
(page flutters)
- Umm... hey.
- Mmm?
Do you mind just like... I don't...
When you're turning the page,
it's... it's pretty loud.
I'm literally just turning the page.
It just feels like you're actually
making a point to turn it loud.
Hate to break it to you, me reading
is not a personal att*ck on you.
This is exactly what
Dr. Schumacher said.
- Mike: Schumacher's a quack.
- (Lumpy sighs)
I don't understand why this is a thing
that is rooted in the relationship.
It's always, "Oh yeah, this
thing you did this one time."
Why are you being so
aggressive toward me with this?
- I'm sorry. I'm being aggressive?
- Yeah, you are.
She could've read a magazine
right on top of my head.
I would've been a f*cking
magazine rack for her.
I miss Lumpy's rack.
Oh my God. (coughs) So sad.
Mike: You actually make
it a loud thing somehow!
Lumpy: At least I'm
reading, not watching p*rn.
- (snoring)
- Mike: Oh my God.
♪ ♪
Phil: A rat in the sewer.
That's what makes sense.
Mike: It just feels right.
(coughs, moans)
Mike: You know, it's really good, too.
I wasn't expecting it to taste
like this, which was really nice.
(grunts)
(moaning, chewing)
- (gasps) Whoa, dude.
- Politically, it makes a difference.
What the f*ck was that, man?
You're cracking up, Philly.
Mike: Good to take into
consideration. Oh, Phil.
Phil's up. Phil! Join
us for brunch. Come on.
- I feel weird.
- Mike: Come on.
You can still be on your "hunger strike"
- and hang out with your two roomies.
- Yeah.
- There he is. Welcome back.
- I can actually see your heart b*ating.
- I can see it through your chest.
- Mike: Wow. Look at that.
- Oh, interesting.
- So, listen,
I was just telling this story.
- Yeah.
- So, Lumpy and I just had lunch
with our friends Craig and Sarah.
- Craig and Sarah?
- So, Craig's got this...
What the f*ck, dude?
This all just happened.
This all just happened.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, Mike. Who is... Who is Craig?
- Craig?
- Who actually is Craig?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Craig is...
Honey, how do we know Craig?
(distorted) From college.
Sarah is his wife.
- That was weird. That was...
- She knows Craig from college.
- 'cause Sarah is his wife.
- Well, exactly. Yeah.
- Mike.
- What's confusing?
Can I talk to you real quick
over here? Is that cool?
- Why?
- Just a quick talk.
Yeah, but we're eating.
We're in the middle of eating.
He hasn't actually had
his morning pellets.
I have boy problems. It
has to do with my wiener,
- and it's really personal.
- Oh!
It's super embarrassing for
me to bring it up right now.
- Phil has these problems all the time.
- No, I know.
Let me go bro out with him for
- a little bit.
- Thank you so much.
- I'll be back.
- We'll be right back. I'm so sorry.
Okay, Mike, I need you
to listen to me, dude.
Look, you just get some hand
sanitizer and just douse the thing.
No, Mike, dude, listen to me.
Craig, Sarah, these f*cking people...
They're not real, man,
and neither is Lumpy.
- What are you talking about?
- Remember what
we said earlier about
this being everything?
I don't think this is everything, dude!
I think there's more than that! I...
I had a f*cking vision last night
that we lived in the sewers, dude.
I had a mom, and you had parents,
and we'd listen to ,
dude, and it was sick tight.
Phil, you're seriously acting crazy.
- You need to eat. Just take a pellet.
- I don't... (gags)
- (slurring) Eat the pellet, dude. Eat the...
- Whoa!
- Come on.
- That's it, dude. It's the pellets!
They're clouding our f*cking
vision, man. That's why Lumpy...
- What are you guys talking about?
- Jesus Christ.
- Okay, stand back from me, Lumpy.
- Hey, Lumpy.
- Hi.
- All right, dude? I don't want any trouble.
Mike, listen to me. The pellets?
It's like a brain wash
or something like that.
What?
And Lumpy wants us to eat
them because she only exists
- because we take the pills, Mike.
- That's nonsense.
That's ridiculous. Why
would you listen to him?
He's crazy and half-starved.
Okay, well, that's a good point.
That's what happens when you don't eat
- the pellets!
- I f*cking look good, Mike.
You get sad. You look terrible.
I'm not sad! I'm the
happiest I've ever been!
- Because I'm thinking straight, baby!
- If he's not gonna eat,
we're gonna make him, okay, Mikey?
- Oh sh*t.
- Are you with me, or are you not?
This is a little nuts, Mike,
don't you agree, dude?
Like maybe something
bigger is at work here?
It's for his own good. Give me the pill.
- I'm warning you, dude.
- You're gonna eat this sh*t.
- She's freaking me out.
- You'd better have an umbrella,
'cause we're gonna make it
rain up in this m*therf*cker.
- (grunts)
- What the f*ck?
- I gotta make it hurt, m*therf*cker.
- What the hell, Lumpy?
- You're insane, dude!
- Not the vases!
We got those in Prague!
Phil: You broke my fricking heart, dude.
I loved you, Lumpy! (grunts)
- (rips)
- (Phil shouts)
Oh sh*t.
(screaming) What the f*ck?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
m*therf*cker! You ripped
my f*cking arm off!
You f*cking monster. (grunts)
(groans, grunts) f*cking...
Mike: Did you want more syrup?
- What the f*ck?
- Mike: What are you reading?
- Lumpy: w*r and Peace.
- Dude, seriously?
- f*cking...
- I mean, it's really dull,
but I just feel like it's
something you should do in life.
♪ ♪
(elevator dings)
(beeping)
(beeps)
- (hums, beeps)
- (bubbling)
(elevator door opens, closes)
♪ ♪
All: Algae! Algae!
(barking "algae")
- Algae.
- (sighs) Algae.
Algae. (chuckles)
- Algae, algae.
- Algae.
- Algae?
- Algae.
- Algae, Algae. Algae!
- Algae. Algae.
- (stressed) Al-gae!
- Algae, algae.
- (crying) Algae! Algae!
- Algae?
(screams)
- (spanks)
- Algae.
- (cries)
- Algae. (laughs)
Parents: Algae.
- ♪
♪
- (passionately) Algae. Algae.
- (door opens)
- Algae? (gasps)
(screams) Algae! Algae, algae!
- Algae!
- Algae?
- (sadly) Algae.
- (clears throat)
- Algae, algae. Algae, algae.
- Algae.
- Algae, algae.
- Algae, algae.
Huh! Algae, algae?
- Algae, algae.
- Algae, algae, algae.
- (laughs) Algae, algae.
- Algae.
- (chuckles)
- Algae.
(sniffles) This is good sh*t.
What strain is this again?
- Uh, algae?
- W... wait. What?
- Uh, algae, algae.
- But... okay, if this is algae,
and I'm algae, then everything is algae,
and then nothing is algae,
and nothing matters!
Existence is futile!
- Life is meaningless!
- (laughs)
- Algae, algae.
- Shut the f*ck up!
- Algae!
- Stop saying "algae"!
f*cking think for once in your life!
- (laughing) Algae!
- Wake up, you f*cking sheep!
- Mom, Dad!
- Both: Algae?
Am I alive? Do I matter?
- Algae, algae, algae.
- No! Listen to yourselves!
- You're insane!
- Algae, algae! (gasps)
- You! Say something!
- Algae?
- Algae, algae, algae.
- (screams) This isn't real!
- This is a test! There is no God!
- Others: Algae, algae.
- Life is prison!
- Algae, algae, algae...
I am insignificant. My
existence carries no weight.
I am ephemeral. I am... I am nothing.
(barking "algae")
Could you get your
f*cking dog out of my...
- Oh. Algae, algae.
- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
- Algae, algae, algae.
- (chuckles)
- A-algae, algae. Algae.
- Algae.
- Algae, algae.
- (chuckles) Algae, algae.
- Algae, Algae.
- A-algae?
Algae, algae.
(chattering)
(slurring) Lumpy, I
swear to f*cking God,
I put the toilet seat down.
God! What, are you on your period
- or something?
- Listen to me, man.
- Lumpy's not real, dude!
- It was a joke, Lumpy.
She's just a side effect
of the pellets, man!
Remember the sewers, dude!
Remember your family!
- Having freedom!
- Freedom?
- What is he saying?
- Don't listen to
him. He's a gross little pervert.
- Please eat.
- I... I don't know, Lumpy.
I mean, I sorta... I remember tunnels.
You know what? You're
thinking of the tube challenge.
- The tube challenge?
- You know, the
challenge with all the
tubes and all the...
You're just mixed up, my darling.
- You're all mixed up.
- All mixed up?
Mm-hmm. All mixed up
with the tube challenge.
♪ ♪
(slurs) "All Mixed Up"?
"All Mixed Up."
f*cking "All Mixed Up,"
dude. ! That's it!
(clears throat) Mike, Mike, Mike!
- Huh?
- ♪ You've got to trust your instinct ♪
- Mike, don't listen to him.
- ♪ And let go of regret ♪
(emphatically) Eat the pill.
- Mike, come back.
- ♪ You've got to bet ♪
- ♪ On yourself now, star ♪
- Come back to my sexiness.
Have you forgotten our love?
- Come back and be with me, please.
- ♪ 'Cause that's your best bet ♪
- (vocalizes music)
- Lumpy: Come on!
Both: ♪ All mixed up, you
don't know what to do ♪
♪ Next thing, you turn around
and find the person is you ♪
♪ Thought a freak might be the thing ♪
♪ But the first could be the last ♪
♪ So just get off of your ass ♪
- Dude, !
- I know. Right?
Oh my God! So dope, that song.
- Dude, I remember the sewers now.
- Exactly. Right?
Holy sh*t. Wait, they
kidnapped us. What the f*ck?
- Dude, let's f*cking bail.
- Yeah, no. f*ck this.
- Let's leave.
- Let's get the f*ck outta here.
Mike. Mikey. Phil. Philadelphia.
You'll die out there. It's safe here.
You're leaving heaven.
You're leaving perfection.
You're telling me you don't want it?
- She's definitely not real.
- No, she's not real at all.
I'm still... the pill is still in my body...
...so I'm still... I'm
seeing it too, actually.
Fine, you f*cking sewer rats!
Go back to where you belong! You'll
burn, you f*cking pieces of sh*t.
(high-pitched) Plague!
You are a plague!
(grunts, gasps)
- (whistles) Wow.
- That was... intense.
- Yeah.
- I gotta say.
She really went for it at the end there.
She went very hard, very hard about it.
- Wizard of Oz-y sort of thing.
- Oh, that's what it was.
- Yeah, she just melted. Yeah.
- It was like a Wizard of Oz thing.
Can you untie me and get me some water?
Oh yeah, yeah, sorry.
What do you want? What did you say?
Can you untie me and get me some water?
Water. Sorry, the water
part... I was gonna untie you.
I just didn't hear the
water part. Got it. Water.
Hey, man. Sorry for what
happened there before
with me stealing Lumpy
from you and everything.
You know what? It's totally fine, dude.
Now that we both realize she was a
figment of both of our imaginations,
I willed that into existence as well.
- I'm just glad we can be cool.
- Yeah, I know. Bros.
- Bros. (chuckles)
- So sick.
- (both snap fingers)
- (grunts)
- So, this situation.
- How do we get outta here?
- Umm... okay, here's a pitch.
- Mm-hmm.
I'll sneak through these bars
since I'm super skinny...
and I'll unlock it. And then, Mike,
since you're good at mazes,
you can navigate us
through air-conditioning
units or whatever.
We'll just f*cking like... (mimics kicking)
And then we'll just like, "Whoa!"
down some f*cking slide or some sh*t.
Then some guy will try to
f*cking stop us.
(coughs) And we f*cking just
swung across this huge cavern
with some floss or whatever.
It was like, "Skloosh!"
Slide into first, safe, dude.
Two runs in, dude. (laughs)
- (cheering)
- Reporter: Wait, hold up.
You mean to tell me that all that
just worked? You just escaped?
- Uh...
- Uh, yeah.
- I mean, basically just like that.
- Yeah. Yeah. Easy-peasy.
Seems like you're skipping
over a lot of details.
Listen, dude, he just told you.
f*cking... (mimics kick) and
then it was all like... (whooshes)
- The whoosh, right?
- And I was like, "Whoa!"
- And then the guy was like...
- Did you not hear what Phil said?
- Am I not speaking English?
- You guys need to hear this twice?
- You guys need to hear this again?
- Jesus Christ.
Fine, fine. Back to
this Lumpy character.
You mean to tell me she was made up of
sawdust, chewed up food,
and your own feces?
Yes, sir, that is correct, but
Mike and I like to think of it...
It's on the inside
what counts, you know?
Which technically, for her, would
be just more fecal matter and sh*t.
It helped her stick together,
just so that's clear.
Last question. Rumors are flying.
Did either of you two ever find yourself
in an intimate embrace with Lumpy,
the sh*t-pile sawdust woman?
Hmm. How do you mean?
Did you ever f*ck a
lump of your own sh*t?
Both: No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Actually, funny enough, she
only did butt stuff to me.
That's interesting. For me,
she only held me like a baby,
sang to me, and brushed my
hair. That sorta stuff.
- Ah. Interesting.
- So, hmm, that's interesting.
Mom: Okay, maybe that's
enough questions for now.
- We're all very tired.
- (cheering)
Can you two shake each other's hands
so I can take a black and
white photo with a flashbulb?
- I don't see why not?
- Phil: Yeah, sure.
If you can imagine, it'll be right
on the cover of the newspaper.
Uh-uh, don't smile.
Reporter: Pssh! And here it spins.
(rat coughs)
Reporter: Any second now.
Hmm. I don't know... Oh, there it is.
Ah. Feels good to be home, huh?
It feels good, man. It
feels good to be on the air.
- Well, in New York City air.
- Safe and sound.
(train rattles)
- (ominous music playing)
- (coughing)
(speaks indiscernibly)
(speaks indiscernibly)
Ice-T: ♪ Animals, we back at it ♪
♪ First episode, we
in with the credits ♪
♪ Fleas on the monkey got
me feeling kinda funky ♪
♪ Who's messing with my
head? It must be Lumpy ♪
♪ Do the Lumpy now, rip your arm off ♪
♪ Scream out loud! Scream out loud ♪
♪ Do the Lumpy now, rip your arm off ♪
♪ Scream out loud! Scream out loud ♪
♪ What's in store for season two? ♪
♪ Dr. Labcoat's a shady dude ♪
♪ Who's gonna show up? Will
the rats ever grow up? ♪
♪ Put your dancing shoes
on, it's time to blow up ♪
- New York City.
- (people whooping)
- Let me hear it again!
- Man: Algae!
(all chanting) Algae, Algae, Algae!
Algae, algae, algae!
- Algae, algae!
- Ice-T: Algae, baby.
Phil: All right, I'm gonna go now.
- Lemme go. I'm gonna split.
- Man: Oh yeah!
- Check. Oh.
- Phil: What?
Okay, how much time do we have?
Mike: What happened? It's almost over.
You go, you go. No, you go.
- Do it.
- No, I can't.
Well, now you're putting
the pressure on me.
Well, now it's almost over.
It's basically over.
I can't. I told you...
- We should've written it.
- (sighs) Is Iced-T still here?
- Is he still here? Oh my God.
- He left but...
Okay, well, now the vanity
cards are up and it's over.
02x01 - Rats.
"Animals" revolves around the downtrodden creatures native to New York City, with each episode consisting of a different cast and story line.