02x09 - Spirit Animal

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Workin' Moms"...

PURDEEP: May I present to you,
the face behind that campaign.

- It was you?
- Kate, we need to let you go.

Who is this creature?

It's just a girl I've been seein'.

I am finding this very disrespectful.

I just don't think we
should hang out anymore.

Take it easy, I guess.

Think that's the thing that bothered me

about the way you orgasm.
It was just so tepid.

I just want you to listen for once.

Oh my God.

Dude, are you cumming right now?

Don't look at me.

- That's really f*cked up.
- Ugh.

Mabel, do you know that
when you hit me, you hurt me?

[SIGHS]

Val, please do not interrogate my child,

just because you read an article,

and now think she might be a sociopath.

She is fine. Am I right, Anne?

You are the real... expert, here.

Yeah, yeah, healthy dose of aggression.

Hey, where's Kate?

Well, actually, Mabel's not
the only one I'm worried about.

Kate left me a voicemail.

[SIGHS] Now this is highly
inappropriate, but...

Val, it's Kate. Can't
make it in today,

just uh, really, really
workin'. Slammed.

Gettin' fired from two jobs
was just the best thing

that ever happened to me.

That's the truth,
not a lie. [LAUGHS]

Anyway, I'm at it, you know,
just a lot of work stuff.

Definitely not home, veggin'
out in front of the TV,

eatin' chips. [LAUGHS] Bye.

What do you guys think that's about?

[WOMAN IN INFOMERCIAL] And once
applied, you'll find will not grow back.

I mean, I used to
have a thick mustache.

- [CHIPS CRUNCH]
- CHARLIE: Mama.

Shh!

[OPERA MUSIC]

♪

♪

♪

ANNE: You called me. What's up?

I'm uh, scrambling to
find a replacement speaker

for my Master's class.

- Know anyone?
- Oh, uh...

I mean, I'd ask you but, as we both know,

public speaking is not exactly your forte.

Well, that's not exactly...

You chose to work out of
the safety of your own home

for so many years, you haven't
been in front of people.

Just so lonely there.

I would love to speak at your class.

- Really?
- Mhm.

Okay, perfect. Yes, no
we would love to have you.

So how does your schedule look today?

Oh, uh, it's pretty open, actually.

I'll let them know.

[SIRENS WAIL IN THE DISTANCE]

Simply because I enjoy soft
wattage and elegant pens,

does not mean I'm down
with whatever this is.

Hmm?

[LOW HUM OF STUDENT CHATTER]

This is a pretty big class.

There are actually some really brilliant

students in here.

♪

[ANNE SIGHS] These kids look .

I know. Think we used
to look so young. Tight.

Hmm. We should get started. You ready?

Yeah, you know what? I
am just going to run out

and grab a quick cigarette.

I mean... I... I quit smoking.

I mean, I have to go to the bathroom.

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE] Diarrhea.

[QUICK FOOTSTEPS THUD]

Oh, I'm sorry.

♪

[METAL SQUEAKS]

[FIRE ALARM SOUNDS]

There is a fire, everyone! Get up! Come on!

I really want to talk to you guys,

I just... there's something on fire!

Come on! Go, save yourself!

[FIRE ALARM RINGS]

TV ANNOUNCER: boy and
a -year-old Shih Tzu.

The shih Tzu is now being
deemed a hero for barking

loud enough to alert the
neighbours to the situation.

- CHARLIE: Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
- God, that's awful.

In some ways, it's like
she's free, you know?

- [CHARLIE HUMS]
- [CHIPS CRUNCH]

TV ANNOUNCER: It was here that
he saw forced signs of entry...

[PHONE BUZZES]

- Hello?
- Hi, is this Kate Foster?

Yeah.

Great, I'm calling from
Alice Carlson's school.

She's not feeling well,
and we can't seem to reach

either of her parents, or her nanny.

Yeah, welcome to the club,

I don't know where they are right now.

Anne's not really taking my calls, so.

Well, it's just that
you are the next name

on the emergency call list.

Really?

Yeah, so are you gonna
come and pick her up?

She wants to go home.

Of course. Tell her I'll be...

tell her I'll be right there.

Okay, we gotta uh... we gotta
go. We gotta go. Come on.

♪

[AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY]

Wasn't she beautiful?

Her name was Constantine.

She won four blue ribbons, and my heart.

[SIGHS] She was such a remarkable woman.

- So obedient.
- Yeah well, that's one...

- one pretty dog.
- Hmm.

Hmm. [CHUCKLES]

Three-letter word for entertainment?

[SNAPS FINGERS] DVD. [POP SOUND]

DVD's not a word, it's an acronym.

Oh, man. [CHUCKLES]

Old Constantine was
probably smarter than me.

So, I understand this is a bit unorthodox,

but I think because
we're just stuck out here,

we should continue with
our guest lecturer today.

How nice it is that some
stragglers are joining us

from other classes.

The more the merrier!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Yes, welcome.

- This is Dr. Anne Carlson.
- Take it away, Anne.

Oh, we're really doing this.

Okay uh, don't you guys have
day raves and sh*t to get to?

Pep rallies? No?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Today's lecture, which... is happening...

is going to be about... [SIGHS]

♪

Ethical responsibility.

♪

As a psychologist, psychiatrist,

or mental health professional,

we are bound to follow
certain codes of conduct.

But in the real world,

it's our job to protect our patients

against our own human shortcomings.

That's right.

We will be held
accountable for our actions.

♪

FRANKIE: Thanks for meeting me.

I um... I was wondering if
you have given my proposal

any more thought?

Reba and I have been talking,

and we've agreed to buy out
of your half of the house.

- [SIGHS] Yes!
- Thank you, G,

that's really gonna help
me get back on my feet.

Awesome.

We also thought, maybe it's time we started

talking about divorce... officially.

Oh.

Huh, I hadn't really thought
about that, to be honest.

- I hope I'm not upsetting you.
- No, no, no. No. No.

It's... you're totally
right. It's just uh...

yeah, I'll put that on my to-do list.

- Becoming single's a lotta work.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE NERVOUSLY]

No, but seriously, I
am... I'm happy for you.

How's Reba?

She's good. Things are good.

Last night we ordered
Thai food from that place,

the one with the good mango salad.

The onion-less one. You know the place.

Yeah, I sure do. Yeah.

But when the food arrived,

we realized we had actually ordered

from Best Thai Princess,
and not Best Thai Queen.

There were so many onions.

Oh, it was a disaster, Frankie.

What am I even talking about?

This story must be so boring for you.

[CHUCKLES] No. It's... it's really not.

[KATE SIGHS]

GIRL ON TV: I do, it's
just that... I'm dying.

- I thought your stomach hurt?
- Shh.

CHERRY [TV]: It's true. I
haven't told the squad yet.

[KATE SIGHS]

So um, how's your Mom doin'?

What's she been like...

eating? Like, wearing?

She at...?

CHERRY: I know you're
right it's just that...

Okay, we'll just watch.

CHERRY: they'll make
me take it easy,

and I need to dance
right now. You know?

Like no one is watching.

BOY: I do. And you
know what I think...

- Um...
- I have to go to the washroom.

Go ahead, sweetie.

BOY: If this is your
last year on this planet,

[KATE SNIFFS]

BOY: Dance, Cherry, dance!

Hey, there's more toilet
paper in the cupboard.

- CHERRY: Why'd you let her dance...
- [CLICKS OFF TV]

[KATE SIGHS]

[FOOTSTEPS THUD]

[KNOCKS] Alice? You okay in there, honey?

ALICE: There's blood.
In my underwear.

Has-has there ever
been blood there before?

No.

[SILENCE]

Okay, uh... uh yeah.

Okay. So there's tampons under the...

probably too soon for that.

Um, sh*t. I don't have any pads.

It's okay. We're gonna...
we're gonna improvise,

we're gonna figure this out.

Um, don't worry, okay, honey?

[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]

I want my Mom.

I know, sweetie. Come
here. You're gonna be okay.

♪

Is there any other questions? Yeah?

Is it awkward running into
the patients, in the world?

It is, very awkward. It
can be quite torturous.

My favourite time was in the liquor store,

we both had carts filled with wine.

She said she was having a party. Liar.

I said I was having a party
because I am also a liar.

But that's not as bad
as when you run into them

in the middle of the street,

and they're crying all over you. Ew.

Okay, I think that is all
the time we have today.

If you have any more
questions for Dr. Carlson,

you can email them to me.

Let's thank her for coming.

- [APPLAUSE]
- Oh, thanks.

And uh, class is dismissed.

See you all later.

Huh. Well, Anne, I have to say...

I am surprised.

Oh yeah? I'm not.

Yeah, somehow you kinda pulled it off.

Sure did. [CHUCKLES]

Thank you. That was a great opportunity.

Great. Anytime. Absolutely.

_

[PAPER FLAPS IN WIND]

Excuse me, Dr. Carlson,

I just wanted to say, that was amazing.

- Oh.
- I just,

I am a huge fan of yours, Dr. Carlson.

Big time. I'm Carly.

Hi Carly, it's really nice to meet you.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the talk.

Well, it's not even just that.

I... I read your thesis

when I heard that you
were coming in, and... wow!

You read my thesis?

It was so moving.

I know. I'm a really big dork.

I'm sorry.

[SIGHS] But you know,

I should really get going to my next class.

Do you think I could take
you for a coffee sometime?

I would love to share a donut with you.

Or just... get inside your
skin and be you. [LAUGHS]

Just joking.

[ANNE LAUGHS]

Yeah! Sure... that sounds really nice.

Here's my card.

Great. That's great I'm gonna call you.

Great.

[SMALL CHUCKLE]

What?

VOICEMAIL: New Message.

KATE: Hey, it's me. I don't
know how else to say this but,

your daughter is
bleeding in my house,

from her vag*na.

- She's having her period.
- Oh sh*t.

sh*t! sh*t!

♪

[ENGINE RUMBLES AND TURNS OFF]

Thanks again for doing this.

I mean, we're still
broken up, and everything.

Okay, yeah sure, man. Whatever.

Just wanna show her
that I'm happy. You know?

You're not happy?

Oh I am, I just... I just wanna look happy.

Right. So, smile.

No, I mean I want you to make me look good

- in front of Giselle.
- Oh. I get it.

You want me to make her jealous.

- I got this.
- Okay.

Yeah, used to this for
my stepmom all the time.

Okay, cool.

Can you drive me to Quizno's after?

Yup.

[DOOR SQUEAKS AND SLAMS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOOR OPENS]

- Hey... Frank?
- Yo, I'm Juniper.

- I'm her lover.
- Okay.

That's right. Uh, anyway...

How nice to meet you, Juniper.

Oh.

Oh... um sweet...

- so sweetheart...
- Mhmm?

Maybe you just wanna...

I'll meet you in the car in a minute, okay?

- Right.
- Yeah.

[WHISPERS] For some sex.

- That was a lot. I'm so sorry.
- Mhm.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Thank you for getting on board with this.

I mean... buying my part of the house.

Sounds like you're in a good place.

- Minus that strange girl.
- [FRANKIE LAUGHS]

- She's... and...
- Mhm.

- Anyway.
- [BOTH LAUGH]

Thank you.

[HEAVY METAL PLAYS]

ALICE: Can't believe
you put me in a diaper.

It's a pull-up. It's for big girls.

Come here.

[DIAPER RUSTLES]

So look, your Mom is gonna call any minute.

Um, but in the meantime, has she...

talked to you about this,

or at school maybe, did they like teach...

- I don't... know.
- Okay, um,

do you have any... do
you have any questions?

- When does it stop?
- Hmm. Uh...

- in about years.
- What?

- Okay, look,
- years?

All right, let's just take
a step back for a second.

So, periods generally
last five to seven days.

Five to seven days?

Probably five, unless
you're like a heavy flow,

- kinda situation.
- How often?

- Every month.
- Every month?

Until you're ... ish.

But, that's insane. Are you sure?

[CHUCKLES]

Yes, unfortunately I am.

But look, you are now
part of a very cool club.

I mean sure, we bleed every month, and...

actually our hormones mess
with us almost constantly,

and we're actually very iron-deficient,

- so you have to watch it.
- So, being a girl sucks.

[SIGHS]I know, sweetie. I know.

Come here.

[KATE SIGHS]

I don't wanna spend the
rest of my life in a diaper!

[KATE CHUCKLES]

Oh my God, I'm gonna die!

You're not gonna die.

Hey, you're not gonna die.

You're gonna kick some ass. You know why?

Because being a girl, is awesome!

Yes, we have periods,
and they're uncomfortable,

but that's what painkillers are for.

We birth life.

I'd like to see your Dad do that.

And on top of that, we can
be doctors, or engineers,

or the President, you
know in some countries.

Hell, you wanna be a YouTube star?

Oh my God, yes!

Well, give that one a
little more thought, maybe.

The point is, we can be
anything we want in this life.

Does that sound good?

Yeah? Come here.

[KATE SIGHS]

FRANKIE: Dorothy...

Dor-Dorothy?

Dorothy!

- [SHOUTS] Dorothy!
- [DOROTHY SNORTS AWAKE]

Oh!

I thought... you were so still.

I was just napping, honey.

Sometimes my eyes only close half-mast.

It's very common with dry eyes.

Those were no half-masts.

Those were full moons.

[DOROTHY SIGHS]

I'm sorry if I scared you.

So, for dinner tonight,

I was thinking...

oh... I see.

Yeah. I think I gotta...

Yeah.

Things aren't working out. Not a match.

Yeah, yeah. It's just that it's...

It's okay, Frankie,

these things tend to have a shelf life.

I mean, I don't know where
I'm going, right, but...

maybe it's time to figure that out.

I understand. You wanna
be self-sufficient.

Yeah! It's not like I want
my old life with Giselle back,

but I do really, really
wanna be in a good place

for my daughter. You know what it is?

I just wanna like order
the wrong Thai food,

and then eat it, but like, by myself.

- Dependent on no one. Just...
- But you.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Like I've been saying, self-sufficient.

- Mhm.
- It really is a shame.

You made a beautiful Constantine.

Okay, Dorothy, I think um...

I think I'm just gonna say it.

You should get another dog.

♪

Oh.

♪

[KNOCKING]

Oh God, thank God you're here!

- Where is she? Is she okay?
- She's fine.

She's totally fine. Hey, I'm uh...

sorry you missed this moment.

Well I'm... I'm sure you
probably did the right thing.

- I did.
- She put me in a diaper.

We did what we could with short notice.

Where's your nanny?

Mean Nanny? She's slacking lately.

I think she's got a boyfriend or something.

Oh. [LAUGHS] Wiccan love.

[BIRDS CHIRP]

Well, I should get her home.

Yeah, no, please.

Can you just go wait
in the car for a second?

- Sure.
- Okay.

Bye, Kate. Thanks for traumatizing me.

Hey, I didn't give ya that period.

No, just a diaper rash.

- She's gonna be fine.
- Yeah.

Look, I know that there's
sh*t going on between us,

but thank you.

For taking such good care of her.

No, of course.

I know we haven't talked about your Dad.

It's not about that.

- I know.
- I mean I guess it sorta is, but...

No, I know, it's about you.

- I heard you got fired. Twice.
- Yeah.

It's just uh... I think
I ruined my life, Anne.

And I guess I deserve it.

I treated you terribly. I know.

And I let Richard down too.

I don't know what to do, you know?

I'm uh... really embarrassed.

I should just stay home.

I don't know why I'm trying so hard

to make this g*dd*mn career happen.

[SIGHS]

Can I just be real for a second?

- Yeah.
- You gotta cut this sh*t out.

What are you doin'? I
don't even recognize you.

You gotta wake up, man!

You didn't let Richard
down. You were loyal.

You were on top of your game.

You had a crisis with your son,
and Gaze punished you for it.

It's not fair what happened.

- You don't need those f*ckers.
- [KATE LAUGHS]

You should start your own shop.

[HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS]

Look at me! You're good!

You can't give up, okay?
You gotta keep going.

If you give up, I swear to God I'll go...

I will... I will cut people.

I will go out, I will drive around town,

I will collect people. I will...

Okay, okay, I won't.

Okay. I won't.

[ANNE CRIES]

- I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry, okay.

[CAR HONKS]

ALICE: Hello? I'm in a diaper, here.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh God, I missed you!

- I missed you.
- [ANNE LAUGHS]