04x03 - Hospital

[bunniefuu]

O'Neill, gall bladder, three
o'clock. Sorry?

Christine O'Neill, gall bladder
operation scheduled for three
o'clock with Mr Lee.

Wait, and I'll have a wee look for you.

One M, two Ls. Last visit, A&E
Saturday night, very tickly cough.

Right. Come on, Beth. Let's go.

No, we'll wait till they've
checked her in, Cathy.

No allergies as such, but I don't
like white sugar in my coffee.

Just leave her, she's happy.

Uh, will you be all right, Christine?

Oh, yes, and thanks for the lift, Beth.

Sorry I didn't have any pound coins.
Ah, it's OK.

Shame we had to stop at the Costa,
but they did specify a

totally empty bowel.

No, no bother.

Right, come on!
Hope it goes really well, Christine.

Oh, bless you, Cathy,

but I'll tell you all about it
when I see you tonight. Sorry?

Well, I'll be through and waiting by
the time you get to visiting hour.

Oh, no - sorry, Christine, I can't
come tonight. I'm...I'm busy.

What with? Many, many things.

But...but Beth will come and see
you, won't you? She loves hospitals.
Um...

Oh, thanks, Beth.
Don't bother with any flowers,

just an orange Lucozade and a
copy of Take A Break.

OK, Mrs O'Neill, if I could just
have your signature there, please.

Thank you.

Actually, Beth, f*ck it - bring us a
wee bunch of carnations for the BP.

# Mmm mm mm mm

# Mmm mm mm mm

# Mmm mm mm mm mm mm

# Oh oh oh oh

# Oh oh oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh. ♪

I still don't see why it's us
that had to come.

We can't leave her on her own with
no visitors, Eric.

But what about Pat?
Is she not coming? No. Why not?

She's in the southern.

Listen, we'll not stay that long,
will we?

I mean, I've still go and eat dinner.

Not that long, no.
She'll still be tired, anyway.

We'll stop and pick you up
something on the way home.

SNORING

Hello.

I think she's sleeping.

Aye. We should just go.

She's sound.

Well, better not disturb her.
Come on.

Just leave the bags.
She'll get them when she wakes up.

LIGHT SNORING

Did you get the Lucozade? Oh, God.

Hi, Christine.
SHE LAUGHS

Yes, it's all there.

Oh, bless you, Beth. Bless you.

Was I asleep, was I? I think so.

What time is it? Just after seven.

At night? Yes, at night.

Oh, I've lost all track.

Do you want us just to
leave you to rest?

No, no, come in. Come in.

So, how are you feeling?

Oh, not bad. A bit uncomfortable.

Well, that's to be expected,
I suppose. Are you sore?

Hmm, a wee bit.

Well, at least it's done. Eh?

The operation. At least it's done.

Oh, no - I've not had it.

You what? I've not had it yet.

They put it back to first thing
tomorrow morning.

I thought you were sleeping off
the anaesthetic.

No, I'm sleeping off the steak pie
I had for my dinner. What?

hours with no food and then a
dirty big steak pie -

you'd conk out as well.

Oh, wait till I get myself sat up here.

So, why have they delayed it?

Mr Lee got bogged down with a cyst.
Oh, dear.

So, they said I could either
reschedule for next Tuesday,

or I could overnight and get it
done in the morning.

Did you not fancy waiting until Tuesday?

Tuesday's soup and a sandwich day, Beth.

I mean, that's not even a proper lunch.

Hey. Oh, here she is, my wee angel.

This is Heather. Hi, there.
Hello, there.

This is my lovely neighbour
and her husband.

Yeah, how you doing?
I'm good, thanks.

I've been hearing lots about you.
Oh. Oh, right! All good, I hope.

Yeah.

Uh, I've just been filling them in
the situation, Heather. Oh, right.

Heather was the one that had to
break the news to me.

Do you get specially trained in how
to have these difficult

conversations, Heather?
No, no, not really.

Well, you did very well.

We both kept it together, didn't we?
Yeah.

So, listen, I came to check you
were all OK in here.

Oh, we are fine, honey.
Don't you worry about us.

You've got enough on your plate,
I'm sure.

They're run off their feet in here,
Beth.

OK, I'll leave yous to it. Heather.
Yes?

Is there any chance of another
pillow for my back here, is there?
Sure.

Oh, and Heather,

the batteries in this remote control
are on their way out.

It's triple As,
just the wee tottie ones.

I'll have a wee look.
Oh, and Heather! Yes?

What time's the toast coming round?

I'll check and see.

Oh, she seems nice.

Oh, she's a wee star.

Not like that other one. Which one?

Oh, the big redheaded one. Oh,
she's a right nippy sweetie heart.

Is she? Aye.

Told me off for buzzing her
through for mustard.

Uh, we...we brought you a few wee
things just to...just to keep you
going.

Oh, bless you.

And those flowers you asked for -

we just need to find something
to put them in.

Oh, yeah. I think there's a wee vase
in that cupboard there.

Eric, see if you can find it,
will you? There we are.

Just shove that stuff in there
while you're at it.

You'll have to make a wee bit of
room first, though. Um...

Shift that stuff onto the
bottom shelf, Eric.

That's just my things to put
on when I get out.

If I'd known you were staying in
another night,

I could have brought you up
some clothes.

Oh, no, those pants were fresh on
this morning, Beth. Urgh.

Hi. Oh, hello again.

Um, I...I was just rejigging some
things in the cupboard and,

uh, I'm moving these out the way.
Oh, right. OK.

I brought your pillow.
Oh, thanks, honey, thanks.

Just down at my back there.

That's it. How's that?

Hmm, have you not got anything firmer?

Um...

Aye, that's it. Just give it a good
puffing up, then.

There we go. How's that for you?

It'll do for now.

Right, anything else you need?

No, no, we're fine, thank you. OK.

Here, Heather. Yes?

Thanks, honey.

Well, it's good you've got your
own room, isn't it?

Oh, well, they did have me in
the ward at first,

but when this room came up, everyone
insisted that I should get it.

Hmm. It's all changed from when your
mum was here, Eric.

Oh, aye, aye, it was all wards then.

Oh, you get no privacy in a ward.

I know. Remember last year when I
was in with my toe, Beth? Yes.

There was a poor man in the
bed next to me,

was getting his stomach shaved
before his operation,

and they didn't even have a
curtain up round him.

Dear God! I know.

I recorded the whole thing on my phone.

One thing about the ward is at least
you have some people to chat to.

Well, I did get talking to the woman
in the next room there.

A lovely woman.

Her daughter lives down south, so
she's no had anybody, any visitor.

Oh, that's a shame.

I said that you would pop in and see
if there was anything that
she needed.

Hmm.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh! Here she is. Oh, hi, Colin.

Hi, Colin. Hey.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I...I was just in having a
wee brain scan.

But they couldn't find one. Awful!

THEY LAUGH

Oh, wait, I'll just take a wee squirt

of this antibacterial stuff here.
Can't be too careful, eh?

Yeah. Nice of you to come, Colin.
Yeah. So, how did it go?

I've not had it yet. You've what?

It's been put back to tomorrow.
Oh, for God's sake!

I know, very stressful day.

Stressful! She was lying sleeping
off a steak pie when we came in.

Oh, dear. You still got to stay
over?

Oh, yeah. Absolute nightmare.

Here, Colin. You have this chair,
and I'll go and ask for another one.

Oh, well - make sure you get Heather.

Heather's the nice one, Colin.

She's done her degree and she's
studying for her master's in public
health

as well as working in here full time.

Oh, really? Aye.

Remind her about that toast,
will you, Beth?

Yeah, it's not a bad wee set-up
you've got here.

Oh, I can't complain
Colin, I can't complain.

I mean, I would have preferred a
quilt as opposed to the blankets,

but I don't like to make a fuss.

Is that an en-suite, is it?

It is, aye. Hey? Aye, not bad.

Oh, a shower as well.

You can just go from one to the other.

I tell you, it's quite spacious.

Well, it's designed for wheelchairs,
isn't it?

Oh, yes, everything's
disabled-friendly in here.

There's wee ramps everywhere.
Is there?

They're a f*cking nuisance.

You know, that's the one good thing
about living in Britain,

no matter who you are,
no matter what's wrong with you,

the good old NHS will be there for you.

Are you still with BUPA?
Oh, God, aye.

Ooh, it's busy out there.

Well, visiting's seven till eight,
and one till two tomorrow, Beth.

Right.

So, did you...did you say you
got your dinner?

I did, Colin. All right for some.

And what's the food like? Oh, so-so.

Not the best. But to be honest,
I wasn't that hungry, Colin.

Steak pie, was it? Hmm.

Chicken and a wee wrap thing and...

RUMBLING

..and macaroni cheese with a slice
of garlic bread - only one.

Oh, and a bread and butter pudding.

So, tomorrow, then?

Yes, that's right, Colin.

You nervous? Oh, no, no.

I'm in very safe hands with Mr Lee.

Oh, he's...he's good, is he?
Oh, he's excellent.

In fact, when he came up to see me
today to apologise for the delay,

he told me that gallstones is his
speciality.

Oh.

Well, that and pinning back ears.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

Aye, well, it's...it's not the
operation you need to worry about,

you know, I mean,
it's...it's the bugs. Eh?

Well, folk get through the
operations themselves all right,

but then they contract one of these
super bugs. I mean,

hospitals are rife with them.
That's why that stuff's there.

Hello. Hey!
Oh, hi, Alan. Hi, Michelle. Hi.

All right, all right? Beth, all
right? Hello, Alan. How are you?

All right, aye. Oh, come in.

Oh, what lovely surprise.

You told us to come, cos you said
you didn't want it just to be Beth.

Sit down, Michelle. Go on,
sit...sit...sit down here.

Oh, no, you're OK, Colin.

No, we're needing more chairs.

Well, don't worry,
I'll...I'll...I'll sort it.

Beth, go and see that wee nurse.

See if she can sort us out with a
couple more chairs, eh?

Aye, and give her another nudge
about that toast as well, Beth.

Well, this is nice.

How are you doing, Missus?

Oh, so-so, Michelle, so-so.

I wasn't even sure if you'd be awake.

Did it all go OK?
She's not had it yet. What?!

It got put back to tomorrow morning.

Oh, no, how come?

The operation before ran over.

Well, that's the thing, you know,
it's all slots.

I mean, if the person before you
runs over, I mean,

that's you, you're...you're...you're
buggered.

Aye, that happened to my mate.

He was due to get his warts frozen
off and they couldn't do it.

He was going on holiday
the next day. Oh, no.

Two weeks in Faliraki and not even
a tit wank.

DOOR OPENS

Thanks, Beth.

Well, it's...it's nice to see yous.

Always nice to see you, Michelle.
You're looking well.

Thanks, Colin.

Well, sorry we're a wee bit late.

It's just by the time we get in from
work and got something to eat.

Gammon steak, Eric.

I need to get comfortable here.

Far too many pillows.

No need.

So, have you still got to
stay the night?

I do, Michelle, aye.

Well, at least you've got your own room.

Aye, no way could I be in a ward.
No? Oh, no.

Those wee cardboard things for when
you need to go the toilet.

I mean, I'm all right pissing in
front of folk, but I couldn't do a
dump.

Did you get chairs?
Yes, I did, thanks. OK, then.

Oh, Heather! This is my neighbours.

This is Michelle and Alan -
they live across from me.

Remember the one I was telling you
about that left the blinds

open and I saw him drying himself?
Right. Hiya.

And this is Colin.

It's his wife that slips her empty
bottles into my blue bin.

How you doing? I'm good, I'm good.

But listen,
I'll leave you to it just now, OK.

OK, thanks, Heather. Oh, Heather.
Yes?

How's the wee woman in the
next room doing?

Oh, she's fine.

Oh, that's good. She's gonna pop her
head in and say hello, see.

She's had no visitors. Right.

Well,
she's actually been moved upstairs.

Upstairs? Where to?

Intensive care.

She took a wee infection after she
came out of theatre, so...

Oh! Anyway, I'll leave you for now.

See? What did I tell you?

Did you two do your hands
on the way in? No!

Well, on you go.

Get a bit of that on your hands -
kills the germs.

Beth, that's terrible about
that wee woman.

Well, listen, she's in the best place.

Well, you SAY that.

She's lovely, Heather.

I tell you, they deserve a medal,
some of the nurses.

Aye. Well, that one does. I know.

When you think about the stuff
they have to deal with.

I know, they're literally cleaning
up shite sometimes.

Yeah, I couldn't do it.

Could you not, Michelle? I could see
you in a nurse's uniform.

Where's the toilets?

Uh, they're just down the end of
the corridor there.

I need to go. Back in a minute.

Well, there's one there. Huh?

Christine, would it be all right
if Alan had a slash in there?

Hey? Oh, oh, aye, aye.

Oh, now, before I forget,
I brought you a few things.

Oh.

It's just wee things.
Oh, that's lovely of you.

Oh, ha-ha. Ha-ha!

Do you want me to open them up and
put them in the bowl for you?
Oh, thanks, Michelle.

URINATING

Can't get into them!

THEY LAUGH

URINATING CONTINUES

Oh!

URINATING CONTINUES

URINATING STOPS

Hmm!

So...

URINATING CONTINUES

URINATING PETERS OFF

FARTING

FLUSHING

There we go.

Did you wash your hands? Uh.

Back in.

Oh, f*ck it.

Changed days with the en-suites, eh?

I was saying earlier, I remember
this place when it was all wards.

Oh, God, don't! we used to come
visit my gran here. She was in a
ward.

Was she?
Yeah, my Granny Thompson. Oh.

Oh, she was great for her age. Oh.

So, when she came in here,
she just went downhill like that.

Oh, that's a shame.

It was only a chest infection she had.

Well, that's what it started off with.

See, when she went into that ward,
she just deteriorated.

It was horrible.

She just faded.

All the sparkle in her eyes went and
her skin went that grey way.

It was like every time we came,
she got worse and worse.

And then one time we came up,
and we got to the ward...

SHE WHIMPERS

..and the curtain was around the
bed.

SHE CRIES

And the nurse pulled me and my mum aside

and said that she'd gone.

She d*ed just before we got there.

SHE SOBS

SHE SOBS

SHE SNIFFS

Do you want a tangerine?

I'm fine.
You're all right, Michelle.

Aye, she cries quite a bit,
but this is going for too long.

Oh, tough places, hospitals.

Can bring up a lot of emotion in folk.

Oh, aye, Alan. Well, you see it all
in hospitals, don't you?

You know, births, deaths, enhancements.

Here, Beth -
what if I don't get out of here.

What? What if something goes wrong?
Oh, don't think like that.

It's a simple operation, and you
said yourself, Mr Lee's one of the
top guys.

Aye, but there's always a risk,
isn't there? Christine!

I could take an infection like that
wee woman next door, and I

would end up in intensive care.

Getting your dinner through a pipe.

Wouldn't even get the chance
to taste it.

Oh, Beth, what have I done with my life?

Oh, Christine!

You've done loads.

Do you think so?

Yes! I mean, there's your friends,
your house,

your lovely daughter and your
granddaughter.

Who are not here!

I mean, I'm just on my own.

Maybe just as well I bow out now, eh?

Days and days go by - I'm just
sitting in that house myself.

Don't even speak to a single soul.

You speak to me every single day.

Sometimes several times.

Everything's gonna be OK, Christine.

Years ahead of you.

You could go into a home if you're
fed up being on your own,

just like my grandad. Aye? Aye.

But then she d*ed quite soon after.

There's absolutely nothing to
worry about, trust me.

All righty? How we doing?
Oh, Heather.

All right, Christine?
Are you feeling all right?

She's just getting herself a
bit worked up. Oh.

She kicked her off, telling her
about her gran.

Do you think I'm gonna be OK?

Of course you are. Are you sure?

It's a really straightforward operation.

Mr Lee's brilliant. We'll get you
down there first thing -

you'll be back up here in no time.

And we'll keep a good close eye on
you until you're ready to go home.

Oh, that's good.

And are you gonna be here? Yep.
I'll be here.

Oh, cos see that big
redheaded one? What, Laura?

Aye. Well,
I don't like to speak ill of folk,

but there's something evil about her.

Don't you worry about a thing.
You just lie back and relax.

You're very lucky, you know. Hmm?

All these visitors in to see you.

You've obviously got a lot of people
who care if they're prepared

to go out of their way to come
up and see you.

And this one here's not even
had his dinner yet. Oh! Has he not?

I'll be fine. Thanks, Heather.

Oh, she's lovely.

Aye, it's folk like her that
keep the NHS going.

Oh, you're quite right, Eric. She's
a lovely looking lassie as well.

Are you feeling a bit better now,
Christine?

Aye, I am, Beth. Aye, she's good,
Heather, isn't she?

Oh, yes. Hmm.

She's a wee angel, so she is.

SHE LAUGHS

Still no sign of that bloody toast,
mind you!

Well, we should maybe think
about making a move.

Oh, are you going?
Yeah, we've got to get up the road.

Oh, all right, Michelle. It was good
of you to come. Oh, no bother.

Come here.

THEY LAUGH

Aw!

You take care.

Oh, bless you, honey. Bless you
both.

See you Christine. I hope, uh...
I hope you don't die or anything.

Alan!

Really, Alan? Why did you say that?

Aye, just...I...I might just
push off myself.

Aye, all right, Colin. Christine.

Um, Colin.

Uh, I appreciate you coming, Colin.

Aye, it's...it's not a problem, and
I'll... I'll see you when you

get back home. Aye, no doubt.

And listen, don't ever be sitting in
that house of yours on your

own with nobody to talk to, when
we're just a stone's throw away.

Aye.
Just knock the door, you know.

Right, I'm away. I'll see you.

See you, Colin. Bye, Colin. Ta-ta.

You know something?
I've never been quite sure of him.

Hmm.

In fact, I always thought he was a
bit, hmm...

Selfish? Selfish wee d*ck, aye.

It was good of him to come.

Aye, it was, Eric. In fact, I was
pleasantly surprised.

Just goes to show you, it's at times
like these

that people show their true colours.

Did I leave my phone lying?
There it is.

Right. Better go and get Cathy.

Oh, right enough. Where is she?
She's at the shops.

I just came round here to k*ll a bit
of time until I had to go and
get her.

d*ck!

Oh, is it time to go?

Oh, no, no. Don't worry about that.

I was actually hoping you'd
still be here.

I've got a steak pie left over. Aye?

If you want it, you're welcome to
it. Nobody else wanting it?

Ach, no - it'll only be going in
the bin. Well...

Go on, Eric.

Aye, all right, then.

I'm absolutely starving,
to tell you the truth.

Hmm, just stick it there for you.

Oh, that's very kind of you, Heather.

No probs.

Oh, Heather. Butter or jam?

Ah, ha-ha!

Butter, my darling - right up to the
corners!

You let me know what time to come
in tomorrow.

It's one till two, Beth.

Remember, bring some coins.

Oh, yes, for the car park.

Aye, and I'd quite like a packet of
Polo mints from that machine
downstairs.

Mmm!

Beth. What?

Come here.

What is it?

Through the toilet.

Shut the door.

There's something I need to
discuss with you.

Right?

It's about my will. Oh, Christine.

No! It's important and I want to
tell you about it.

Really, it's going to be fine.

Beth, I don't know what I'd do
without you.

You do know that, don't you?

It's not just today that you've been
there for me, you are always there.

Oh, Christine.

I know sometimes it seems like I
don't appreciate it,

but I want you to know that I do.

Well, that's very nice of you to say.

I mean,
you drove me up here this morning,

you've been back to see me tonight,

you've been running in and
out getting people chairs,

you're coming back up tomorrow with
more magazines and juice

and maybe a wee chocolate orange, aye?

Right.
Anyway, when I get out of here,

I'm going straight down to my
solicitors.

Oh, Christine,
you've got years ahead of you.

Oh, no, this experience in here
today has given me a lot to
think about.

I mean, at the moment, everything's
been left to Sophie -

all the big stuff, the house,
my jewellery, my coat with the big

hood, and some of my porcelain's
going to Pam - the wee boy with

the bare feet and the fishing rod
and the frog playing the mandolin.

But it is my intention to tell them
that I want to leave

something to someone who's run
after me hand and foot,

who has been there in my hour of need,

and who never, ever gets even a
fraction of the thanks that they
deserve.

Christine, that is so kind of you.

It's the least I can do.

After everything Heather's done for me!

What an angel.

Right, Eric, that's us, le...

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

SNORING

# Heaven

# Must be missing an angel

# Heaven

# Missing one angel, child

# Cos you're here with me right now

# Oh

# Ooh, my sweet little angel

# Ah ah ah ah ah ah

# My pretty little angel

# Heaven

♪ I love you, love you,
love you... ♪