01x04 - New Tech

[bunniefuu]

Okay, let's move on to "ard."

ALL: Ard.

Right, which means "alright."

So, the kids here use
a lot of Philadelphia slang,

or as we call it, "Philly slang."

So I like to incorporate
it as sight words,

which are words that kids recognize

without sounding them out.

For instance, "boul" means "boy,"

so I'd say like,

"Ooh, I have a crush on boul." [LAUGHS]

Or, "Boul Meets World"
is my favorite show.

JANINE: "Cheesesteak."

CHILDREN: Cheesesteak.

And let's go to "boul."

Boul.

Right. Sometimes it's spelled B-U-L,

which is interesting.

What is going on in this classroom?

Hey, Mrs. Howard.

I'm just teaching the
kids some sight words.

[CHUCKLES]

It's a helpful teaching tool,
because these kids use these...

- CHILDREN: Jawns...
- Jawns all the time.

You're abandoning the phonics principle

that these children need.

This is a classroom, not a hoagie stand.

Oh, boom. Hoagie.

Hoagie.

We had it on the board, so...

Hm.

Okay, kids.

Let us move on to "oldhead," one word.

CHILDREN: Oldhead.

Young bouls are so disrespectful.

MELISSA: They said that...
Oh, they do. Look.

- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- What it do, Abbott teaching crew?

Damn, the last time I was up this early

was to cuss out the mailman.

I don't need all them bills coming.

Uh, I thought breakfast
was being provided.

Don't act like you don't see
these little boxes of cereal

right here.

So, listen up.

Your favorite HBIC, AKA me,

has acquired some new
learning technology

that will help our little
ones with their reading.

Well, the school district mandated it.

It's a city-wide push.

What are you doing here?

This isn't for th
through th grade teachers.

I'm just here for the camaraderie,

and this tasty breakfast.

You guys, I have been
reading up on this,

and our students are
gonna get a huge boost

from this software.

I mean, our kids are gonna be reading

at the speed of light.

Well, I, for one, prefer
the tried and true methods

over whatever the latest doohickey is.

I mean, I have yet to see the program

that can do what I do
by, you know, teaching.

Well, old-school teaching is great,

but the latest doohickey
can be a helpful addition.

Yeah, tech has its place.

Like when you haven't been
with a man for a few years.

Um, are subs gonna have to do this?

I thought I'd mainly
be showing Pixar movies.

You guys, all I'm saying is,
we should keep an open mind.

There was a great website
called AtoZOneTwoThree

that taught me how to
read when I was a kid.

My parents certainly
weren't around to do it.

[LAUGHS] I had to potty-train myself.

Overshare.

Well, I do not need some
young Zuckerburn...

Zuckerberg.

Pimple-faced kid fresh
from the Smart Bar...

- Genius Bar...
- ... telling me how to teach!

Good morning.

You're the tech teacher?

Sure am.

Can't keep us old folks down, right?

Alright, what I'm
providing you with today

will revolutionize your classrooms.

It not only helps in
teaching students how to read,

it delivers up-to-the-minute
data on their progress

that will be analyzed
at the end of each day.

And the better the results,
the more funding we get,

- so this is good, y'all.
- Mm-hmm.

Each of you will get one of these.

New tablets! [CHUCKLES]

[WHISPERING] Yeah!

Okay, who do you got to bang
to get into the analytics annex?

It's really very easy.

Just use the highlight tool

to pinpoint the pronunciation mistakes,

create a word cloud,
output a ranks list,

see the percentage of your
students that missed that word,

and that'll determine
whether it becomes a "TAI,"

or "Targeted Area for Improvement."

- Easy-peasy, keep it breezy!
- Oh.

[TABLET BEEPING]

Hey. How's it going, Barb?

- Oh. Easy-peasy.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, sure.

I am so excited that
Barbara is so confused,

because it means I get to
help her with something.

I need her help every day,

so if I can return the favor just once,

it means I'm no longer a newbie...

I'm her peer. [LAUGHS]

Gregory. Broseph. Brotato.

Yeah, I'm still, uh...
Still finding that.

What's up, man? I'm just
looking for some creamer.

Listen, you're the new guy
here. I've been here a month.

I am the second-year vet.
I figured I would, you know,

show you a few things around here.

No, I'm just, uh, looking for...

So, we've got Ms. Cooper over there.

I've been here a year and a half.

She's been pregnant the whole time.

I don't ask questions.

I'll even take powdered creamer.

That's Mrs. Robertson.

Watch out, she will talk your ear off.

And, uh, oh, you know
Melissa, of course.

She's, uh... you know,
the Southern Philly type.

'Scuse me?

You talking about me?

Yeah, uh... I was...

I was saying you are a, uh...

A... A Southern Philly Type.

- South Philly.
- Right. Right.

That's what I said. Right.

Honestly, it's like...
It's like the best part

of our beautiful city.

I love how you guys will
just, like, park anywhere.

Yeah, okay.

You know, I'm actually
teaching a lesson right now

about the unions in the city

and how many of them
started in South Philly.

Oh, no way.

I know some guys that were part of that.

I'm glad you're teaching
that to the kids.

Good job.

Just like I said...

she is a shady lady.

That's why you and me, we
got to stick together, man.

You know? Like coffee and creamer.

Alright, in.

Ugh. Teach the children
to read with this?

I can hardly read this.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Now, who took that picture of me?

[SING-SONG] Barbara.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, how's it going
with the new program?

Oh, it's, uh, a little
hard to understand,

but I'm getting the hang of it.

Okay, yeah.

Just wanted to check in in
case this was tricky for you.

You know, I grew up with this stuff

- and it gets me sometimes.
- Okay.

I somehow lost my crypto wallet.

But you come from
a different generation,

and so it would be
totally understandable

if you were having trouble with it.

Are you kidding me?

I'm Miss Tech, you know. I love tech.

Shop at the App Store. Got a Hotmail.

I once even rode in a Tesla.

I'm already ahead on the
first couple of lessons.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Well, that's great. Can I see?

- No.
- Oh.

Janine, you're disturbing my students.

I'm... I'm whispering.

It's just your...

overall presence,

so if you wouldn't mind
just excusing yourself?

I'm a little behind on my
Hotmail correspondences.

Okay.

Barbara says she's doing well,

but this program is really hard.

She just has a ton of pride,

so I'm gonna wait for her
to come and ask me for help.

Oh, I can't wait.

And that is how union
and non-union workers

came together and worked as one

to help solve the labor
crisis in South Philly, okay?

Alright, we are going to have to

grab a noun from the Noun Pool...

I don't get this.

Sweetheart, neither do I.

BARBARA: Okay, so here's
what I'm going to do.

I'm going to continue teaching
my students how to read

like I have been for years.

I'll input whatever information
I need to into that program,

and then I'll just keep
doing what I have been doing,

and everybody else will
just have to back off.

Hey, Hill.

That lesson, that was garbage.

- That's not what happened.
- Okay, well,

I've read several books on the subject.

I think I know the
history of the lesson.

Well, me and my family lived it,

so I think we know the history.

I've also listened to several podcasts.

Look, how about this?

I know a guy who was actually
a captain back in the day.

How about I hook you up,
he can come to the class

and do like an eyewitness
account for the kids?

Unexpected, but I am so happy

Melissa's bringing in a police captain.

He's gonna be able to talk to the kids

about how this is done peacefully.

I'm just really happy
Vinny, the strike captain,

is out of jail so he can do this.

It's also gonna count
towards his community service.

Just more hours,
and his record's cleared.

BARBARA: Good morning.

Come on down.

You ready for a good day?

That's what I'm talking about.

AVA: Morning, Abbott Elementarians!

It turns out one of our
teachers is just too good!

According to our new reading program,

Mrs. Howard's kindergartners

- are reading at a th grade level!
- No.

Mrs. Howard, you are,
once again, that girl.

Barbara?

No. No. No. Okay. Thank you.

No. Okay, that's enough.

When I say "Mrs.," you say "Howard."

- Mrs...
- ALL: Howard!

- Mrs...
- Howard!

- Mrs...
- Howard!

- Mrs...
- Howard!

Hey, Barbara.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

You clearly knew what you were doing,

and I arrogantly assumed...

Or hoped, rather...

That you would need my help,

but once again, I need yours.

You are officially
Yoda with better edges.

Okay, which one of you Young Sheldons

is gonna get me to Mars

witcha little smart reading selves?

There's actually no
need for all of this.

I'm just doing my job.

But don't forget, it was your girl

that brought in that dope program.

Oh, my God. Look at me,
not even taking credit

for something I had so
much to do with. [LAUGHS]

Barbara, you know what?
Since so many of us need help,

what if you put on, like,
a little presentation

for the rest of us?

You're thinking too small, Janine.

We should have an assembly and have

one of Barbara's students
read to the whole school.

Show these little illiterate
fools how to literate.

Yes! Not the second part. Yes!

Okay.

We can have Khalil read.

No, not Khalil.

Everybody knows that
little dork can read.

- I was thinking him.
- BOY: Whoo-hoo!

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

years old, reading
at a th grade level?

You performed a damn
miracle on that boy.

- That was a pretty tough time for me...
- Hey.

He's here. He's on his way in.

Oh. Oh. That's fantastic, Melissa.

Okay, let me, um, set him up for the...

Uh, students.

We are about to hear from

a heroic, upstanding
citizen of this city, okay,

who helped to peacefully end one of...

Kids, meet Vinny Romano.

Call me The Tire Iron.

Uh, hello, Mr. Iron.

Um, is there anything
else we could call you?

Nope.

Okay, come on now. Here we go.

I don't think Will is
ready to read just yet,

but I have read from
this book so many times,

he practically has it memorized.

I'm sure he'll have no problem.

- [SLOWLY] "Jack... and... Jill..."
- Yes.

- "... went up the..."
- The.

Okay, Will, it's your name with an "H."

Hilliam!

No.

Barbara, can I borrow some gold stars?

I gave all mine out this morning.

My kids are amazing.
Uh, I'll even take red.

Oh, sure.

Thank you.

Oh, well, if it isn't Abbott's
brightest little reader.

Are you excited to show
the school your skills?

Yeah?

- Here you go.
- Hmm.

- Is he okay?
- Oh, he's fine. [CHUCKLES]

This child has just gained entry

into the magical world of books,

so please, Janine, allow
him time to celebrate.

Okay. Yeah.

Good morning, kids.

Good morning to you all, as well.

Subbing here has been...

fine.

[STAMMERS]

I haven't even gotten past
teaching the kids my name,

let alone that confusing
reading program.

I'm hoping once they learn those things,

then we can just start watching movies.

- Hey, Gregory.
- Hey.

Hi.

Um, how are you settling in?

- It's going well.
- Yeah?

I'm figuring out where everything is,

who everyone is.

Yeah. Well, I'm Janine.

- That I know.
- [CHUCKLES]

Hmm...

Uh, my gosh. How are you doing

with this new reading program?

Oh. [SCOFFS] I'm not gonna lie.

It's got me even more confused

than I already was teaching here.

I cannot get past a single
lesson without an error message.

It's really annoying.

Why don't we get together
after school...

and we can figure it out?

Um, I would love that.

You kidding me? [CHUCKLES]

Oh, my God, but, sh**t. My boyfriend

is picking me up after school today.

You know what?
You can come hang with us.

I mean, we're just going to IKEA.

You can help us pick out a bed.

Oh, okay. Yeah, um...

Oh, God. Um...

I actually have somebody
picking me up after school.

- She's a girl...
- Oh.

She's a woman, I mean.

Like, it's a car full of women and...

What?

Nothing.

Oh. Okay, well, see you later.
I'll see you around school.

Yeah, yeah. Alright, you, too.

Hey, enjoy the bed.

- Oh, we will.
- Ha!

Uh, I was just kidding.
But see you later!

- Uh-huh.
- Bye.

So hundreds of us come
piling off this bus, right?

And the punk firefighters,

they didn't even show their
pretty little faces, you know?

And the pigs, they were mad
'cause we were throwing rocks.

It's like, hey, just relax.

They're just freakin' rocks, you know?

[LAUGHS]

So, anyway, we tell that...

MELISSA: He's great, right?

[WHISPERING] Why did you bring him here?

Uh, didn't we agree to this?

I thought you were
bringing a police captain.

Someone to talk about how the
union worked together in peace?

That's not the real
story. This is the truth.

He's giving them an
eyewitness account to history.

Eyewitness? I think the
term is "accomplice."

This is the problem I
have with people like you.

You want to romanticize this city,

but you won't acknowledge the truth.

Like, you want to run
up the Rocky steps,

but you can't take a punch in the face.

I can take a punch in the face.

What... What... What are you saying?

I'm some kind of, like, hipster poseur?

Look, I care, okay? I am
here, teaching, every day.

No, I'm saying you can't
teach the kids right

if you don't respect where they're from.

It's about respect.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Me and the rest of the
class are going on strike

until there are no more pop quizzes.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Lights. [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

We are here to celebrate
Barbara's genius kindergartners.

This is a tremendous
opportunity for this school.

Before we begin, I would
like to detail all the ways

that I personally made this happen.

It all started when I was
watching "Coach Carter"

for the th time.

... and Jill came tumbling after.

Perfect!

Now, when we get up on stage,

you're gonna do it just like that, okay?

No. And no dancing.

But that's what I do, Ms. Howard!

Hey, Mrs. Howard.

Hey, after the assembly,

do you think you can come
help me with the program?

My kids are struggling,

and I know I ask you
for help all the time,

but what can I say?

You're the best. [CHUCKLES]

- Janine...
- Sometimes I wonder

if I put you on too high a pedestal,

but then I think it's not high enough.

I say, "Janine, she's
just a person like you..."

You know what? I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

You make...

[VOICE BREAKING] I'm sorry.

You make me want to be a better teacher.

Okay. [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

I'm starting to forget the words.

Oh, gotta go!

I've done more for
this school in one year

than he did for the whole movie, so I...

- Okay, thank you.
- Oh, I guess it's time to go.

That kid's a reading fool.

Good afternoon, Abbott.

My student, William,

will be reading "Jack and Jill."

Oh! [LAUGHS] Change of plans.

My copy of Michelle
Obama's book just came in,

and since Will reads
at a th grade level,

that shouldn't be a problem.

Oh, no. I really think
that Will would prefer to read...

Don't nobody want to hear about
pails and water and whatnot.

We want to hear what
"Michelle O" got to say.

I hope there's a section in there

about her meet cute with
my man, Barry Hussein.

MAN: Alright.

[GULPS] Okay. Here goes.

Okay, that's enough. [CHUCKLES]

Everybody, um, my student, Will,

is a wonderful student and dancer,

but he cannot read this book just yet.

The truth is, I was actually
able to log into the program,

but, um, I was just pushing buttons.

I did not mean to say

that they could read
at a th grade level.

I know how to teach
these kids how to read.

I just can't use that program.

So I lied.

I can't believe Barbara lied to me.

Normally, I encourage
cheating, but, girl,

you gots to let me know. [LAUGHS]

Barbara? Who'd have thought?

Hey, Barbara. Another great
Abbott Elementary assembly.

Um...

Why wouldn't you let me help you?

I was handling it the best way I could.

By lying instead of letting me help you?

That is not what this is about.

Then what is it about?
Because I don't get it.

[SIGHS]

I am good at this job, and
I know how to do it well,

but admitting that I couldn't
figure this program out,

it was like I was saying,
"I am getting too old."

And you don't know
what that feels like...

All these new people and this new tech.

[SIGHS] It just made me feel like

I was being pushed out to sea.

Okay, well, if you're being pushed out,

then I'm being pushed out,
too, because it's hard for me.

It's hard for all of us, even the kids,

and they come out of
the womb selling NFTs.

See? I don't even know what that is.

So I guess I'm just an oldface.

- Oldhead.
- And that, too.

I don't know what NFT means, either.

Hm.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

What if we figured out
this stuff together?

I'd like that.

Okay.

Are we having a moment right now?

Are those jelly beans on your belt?

I wanted to teach
Barbara something so bad

that I never considered what
she might be going through.

But we did have a little
bonding moment back there.

I ruined it, but it happened.

You got that, right?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey.

I brought you some lasagna
as a peace offering.

You know, I don't just eat Italian,

or am I a stereotype to you?

Oh, my God, no. Of course
not. I'll... I'll throw it out.

Hey, hey. What am I,
an idiot? Give it to me.

- Oh!
- Um.

Melissa, I...

I made some dumb assumptions
about you, about South Philly.

I was condescending.
Basically, I was a jerk.

I wish my ex-husband
could ever admit that much.

Well, I'm really sorry.

Listen, you're trying
to sanitize this place

and its history... It doesn't need it.

This is who we are, the
good, the bad, and the ugly.

Tire Iron, of course,
representing the ugly.

Well, I wouldn't say
that... to his face.

Hey, I know you mean well, hon.

You want the best for your kids.

Just next time, have a
more open mind, that's all.

I will. And... And thank you.

My students got a lot out
of what Vinny had to say.

- Oh, good.
- They collectively bargained,

and they all have pensions now.

[CHUCKLES]

Solid. [CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- But...
- There you go!

- [LAUGHS] Yes!
- Yes!

It can be daunting when
a new technology is introduced

and it's changing the way you do things,

but this is the future.

- I got in.
- I've mastered it.

Girrrrllls...

And Young Idris.

Turns out the software we've been using

was invented by
the Pennsylvania Penal System

to collect data for prisons.

Prisons?

Something about the correlation

between lower reading levels

and the amount of prison beds
they're supposed to build?

Oh, my God.

Apparently, it's illegal. [SCOFFS]

I am just as disgusted as you all are.

Disgraceful.

You're gonna sell those, aren't you?

And what would you rather I do, Melissa?

[SCOFFS]

That's a shame.
I really liked that feature

where I could teach a whole
class on just one letter.

You know what?

I think I might know
something we can use instead.

- It's pretty simple. And then...
- Very.

The fun thing about this is...

"At , I'm still in progress,

and I hope I always will be."

- Did he just...
- Oh, my God.

You... You just read! You just read!

BOTH: He just read!

You're a baby genius!

Wow.

Ooh, yes!

Oh, my goodness!

[LAUGHS]

Yes, yes!

"Failure is a feeling

long before it becomes
an actual result."

Mm. I know that's right.

Can I have a break?

No, keep reading.
It's just getting good.

Mnh-mnh-mnh.

Absolutely not. Let's go.

Come on, Barbara.

You owe me an Audible membership.