04x16 - A Prize in Every Package
Posted: 03/18/22 10:53
(upbeat theme music)
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Goodbye city life
♪ Green Acres we are there
(playful music)
(expl*si*n booming)
- Beautiful.
Get a load of this rock.
- In the bag, in the bag.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(bell ringing)
Let's get out of here.
Not that way, stupid.
- Shh.
Did we lose 'em?
- I think so.
I don't hear anything.
Hey, Mack.
Let's divvy up the loot.
- Not now.
Later.
Hey, Mack.
- Huh?
- There must be a lot
of show business kids
in this neighborhood.
- How do you figure?
- Look.
(audience laughs)
Boy, when I was a kid,
the kind of stuff
we'd write on a wall.
- Psst.
- Where are we going?
- In there.
Come on, open the door.
- All right, get back.
- Not that way, the head.
- Ah, all right.
(audience laughs)
Now, what did we
come in here for?
- To stash the
jewelry, you dummy.
- What's in there?
- Looks like wheat or something.
All right, dump
it in, dump it in.
Now, what did you do that for?
Why didn't you throw
the whole bag in?
- I gotta bring it home.
I borrowed it from
my brother-in-law.
- All right, we'll stash it here
and pick it up
when the heat's off.
All right, let's get out.
- Boy, you sure
are cranky tonight.
Ow.
(uptempo music)
- Doggone it.
Every week they come
out with a new cereal.
One week it was Tooty Wooties,
and the next week it was...
- Hello there, Mr. Drucker.
- Afternoon, Mr. Drucker.
- Afternoon, folks.
- Oh, those are those Crickly
Wicklys they advertise on TV.
- What do they do?
Snap, crunch, ping?
- No, these are soundproof.
- I wonder if these are as
good as the Jumpy Wumpies.
- Jumpy?
- Yes, when you pour
hot milk over them,
they jump around in the bowl.
- Who wouldn't?
- My favorite cereal
used to be Itsy Bitsies,
but they stopped making them
when they came out
with Stuffy Wuffies.
- Who thinks up those?
- In Hungary, they had a
wonderful cereal, Shredded Goulash.
You can't get that here.
- Thank goodness.
- Well, this should
be pretty good.
It's got a lot of stuff in it.
Artificial coloring,
imitation sweeteners,
synthetic orange peels.
- No plastic raisins?
- No, they had those
in Jumpy Wumpies.
- Look, Lisa.
- This is the first cereal
I ever got with vitamin N.
- There's no such
thing as vitamin N.
- It says right here.
Contains vitamin N for energy.
- I believe energy
is spelled with an E.
- Since when?
- Well, it's always...
- Each box is supposed
to have a valuable prize.
- I'm sure.
- Would you like to try 'em?
They're 18 cents a
box or six for a dollar.
- We take six boxes.
- No, we don't.
- But, Oliver.
You might want them for
breakfast tomorrow morning.
- I'm not putting that
junk in my stomach.
- All right, then.
Give me 10 pounds
of hot cakes flour.
- On second thought, I am
putting that junk in my stomach.
We'll take these six boxes.
(rooster crows)
Good morning.
- Well, if it isn't my
husband, Handsome Harry.
(audience laughs)
- Is breakfast ready?
- Don't you even want to
pant a little from the kiss?
(pants)
- That enough?
- Personally, I thought it was
more than a two pants kiss.
- Breakfast, Lisa, hmm?
- All right, gorgeous.
Sit down.
There.
There we are.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
- Good morning.
- What's this?
Crickly Wicklys?
Why don't you buy the
kind I like, Poopy Woopsy?
- Poopy Woopsy.
- That a cereal with
the filter tipped flakes.
A valuable prize in every box.
I wonder what they give you.
(whimsical music)
A green glass bracelet.
- What did you expect, emeralds?
- That's what they are.
- Sure, emeralds.
- They are.
- Oh, boy.
Wait'll I give this to Lorelei.
I'll get a two pants kiss.
- You are to get at
least a five pants for that.
Do you know what
emeralds are worth?
- No, ma'am.
- Well, my aunt had
an emerald bracelet,
not half as good as this
one, and it cost her $12,000.
- $12,000?
- Why would they
put a $12,000 bracelet
in an 18 cent box of cereal?
- They're trying to
make new customers.
- That makes sense.
- I wish you did.
- See what you
get, Mrs. Douglas.
- All right.
(whimsical music)
Ooh, a diamond wristwatch.
Must be worth at least $8,000.
- Oh, boy.
- It's your turn, Mr. Douglas.
- Come on, I'm not going to...
- Oh, go on, Oliver.
(whimsical music)
- What did you get?
- A picture of Yogi Berra.
- Autographed?
- No.
- Tough luck.
- Hey, will you
stop opening all the.
(whimsical music)
- [Lisa] Ooh.
- Wowee, a diamond ring.
- Yes.
Ooh, it's at least six carats.
- That's a big
phony hunk of glass.
- It's a diamond.
- Look, how could
it possibly be a...
- Oliver, if there's one
thing I know, it's diamonds.
- What do you know
about sapphires?
- Ooh, it's gorgeous.
- They're blue glass.
- Oliver, I didn't get
to where I am today
without knowing what's
real jewelry and what isn't.
(audience laughs)
- Here, try your luck again.
Well?
- Yogi Berra.
- You're a born loser.
- Oliver, we ought to buy
some more of this cereal.
Delicious.
- Yeah, I'm gonna get
me 75 boxes and retire.
- You'll be retiring a
lot faster than you think
if you don't get back to work.
- I don't have to work anymore.
I'm independently wealthy.
Jewelry wise.
- That stupid kid.
He gets a few hunks
of junk jewelry and...
(knocking on door)
Come in!
- Howdy.
- Hello there, Mr Ziffel.
- I just come over to
show you something.
Looky here.
- Ooh, your birthday?
- No, Crickly Wickly.
- What?
- You, too?
Look what I got.
- That's pretty.
You didn't happen
to get a couple
of diamond earrings did ya?
- No.
Eb got some sapphires.
- Aw, too bad.
Arnold wanted to
trade a bracelet he got
for a couple of diamond
earrings to go with his choker.
- What choker?
- His Prickly Wickly choker.
Arnold, come in here
and show it to them.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I'll be a...
- Yeah, that's what Doris
said when she saw it.
- Did Mrs. Ziffel get anything?
- Yep, she got a
picture of Yogi Berra.
- Ooh, that's what
Mr. Douglas got.
- Couple of born losers.
(audience laughs)
- Look, Mr. Ziffel.
That's cheap costume jewelry.
(Arnold squealing)
- Don't pay no
attention to him, Arnold.
He don't know what
he's talking about.
- Would you like
me to prove it to you?
- How?
- I'll take all this junk
over to the jeweler in Pixley
and have it appraised.
- Ooh, this is a
magnificent diamond.
Not a flaw in it.
- Are you sure?
- Oh, positive.
- And you say
this stuff is all real?
- Yes, these are some of
the most beautiful jewels
I've ever seen, Mr., uh.
- Douglas.
How much do you
estimate they're worth?
- Well,
roughly $200,000.
- 200...
- Mr. Douglas, if
you bought them
you ought to know
what they're worth.
- Oh, I didn't buy them.
- You inherited them?
- No, no.
I got them in boxes of.
- Of what?
- If I told you, you
wouldn't believe me.
- If you'd like me to keep
these in my safe for you.
- No, thank you.
Thank you.
Good day.
- Good day.
Hello, operator.
Connect me with the
sheriff's office, please.
Yes.
Hello, Sheriff?
This is Klaxon, the
jeweler over at Pixley.
Yes.
Say, I got a flyer from
the jeweler's association
the other day on the
Berkman jewelry robbery
and a man was in
here a few moments ago
with some jewelry that
matches the description.
Yes, Douglas.
I think he lives in Hooterville.
- I told you it was real.
- I know you told me.
- What did the man
say it was worth?
- $200,000.
There must be some explanation.
- Okay, let's hear it.
- Lisa, I've got to make a call.
- To whom?
- The Crickly Wickly people.
- Calling from where?
Hooterville?
I'll take it.
Hello?
- Hello, who's this?
- Charles Bennett.
I'm in charge of public
relations for Crickly Wickly.
- My name is Douglas.
Oliver Wendell Douglas.
I want to talk to you
about your cereal.
You see, we bought six boxes.
- Don't you think they're
a great improvement
over our Fudley Wudlies?
- I don't...
Look, I want to talk to
you about the prizes.
You see, we found some jewelry.
- Jewelry?
(laughs) We don't put
any jewelry in our cereal.
Just baseball
cards, plastic ducks,
and an occasional
back scratcher.
- We found jewelry.
$200,000 worth.
- 200.
One moment, please.
Ms. Travis, where did you
say this call was coming from?
Hooterville?
Do they have a
fruitcake farm there?
(audience laughs)
Thank you.
Hello?
You still there?
- Yes, I'm still here.
- I was afraid of that.
- What?
- Now, about this jewelry
you claim was found
in our Dinky Inkies.
- We found them
in a Crickly Wickly.
- $200,000 worth?
- Yes.
My wife found a six
carat diamond ring
and a diamond wristwatch.
And Eb, my hired hand,
found an emerald bracelet
and sapphire earrings,
and Arnold found a diamond
choker that's worth $80,000.
- Lucky Arnold.
He must be dancing with joy.
- Well, he can't dance.
He's a pig.
- That's a p-i-g, pig?
- Well, what other
kind is there?
Now, the reason I'm calling
is to find out what I should do.
- Well, for one thing, the
next time you have our cereal,
just put milk on it.
- I didn't eat any
of your cereal.
- Oh, you just drank the sauce.
(audience laughs)
- Look, I called
you in good face.
Good fate.
Faith.
- You're getting a
little blurry there, Jack.
(audience laughs)
- I'll ask you once more.
Do you know anything
about the jewelry
we found in your cereal?
- No, I don't.
- Then, goodbye.
- There are more
ding-a-lings that eat our cereal.
Now, just a moment.
You can't...
- Chicago police.
- We got a report that
some stolen jewelry
was stashed in your grain bin.
Now, we just went through
it, but they ain't there.
- That's strange.
I just had a call
from a man who said
he found some jewelry
in our Crickly Wicklys.
- Oh?
Where'd he call from?
- I believe it was Hooterville.
I better call him back.
- That won't be necessary.
We'll take care of it.
- We better get going.
- Not that way, stupid.
We'll take care of it.
- Oliver, why do we have
to talk to Mr. Drucker?
Why can't we just
keep the jewels?
- Because obviously they got
into those packages by mistake.
- Oh.
- Mr. Drucker, I
came in to ask you.
- Oh, I was just
trying these on.
Got 'em in a box
of Crickly Wicklys.
- We'll take 12 more boxes.
- I'm sorry, they're all gone.
When people found out about
the prizes, they cleaned me out.
I don't know how they can afford
to give away such
expensive gifts.
These earrings must've
cost at least a dollar.
- I'd say they're worth 5,000.
- What?
- These are real diamonds.
- Diamonds?
Oh, doggone it.
Do you see 'em?
- Yes, that pickle
is wearing one.
No, no.
Not that one,
the one next to it.
- Mr. Drucker, where do these
boxes of cereal come from?
- [Lisa] There it is.
- Mr. Drucker, would you
please answer my question?
- What is your question?
- I'm not talking to you.
- What are you looking for, Sam?
- His earrings fell
in the pickle barrel.
- Oh.
Why don't you have
your ears pierced?
Then they wouldn't
fall off so easily.
(audience laughs)
- Mr. Kimball, if you're...
- Say, that sure is a
nice looking pickle.
How much you want for it?
- You can have it.
- Nah, I don't like pickles.
(audience laughs)
- What'd you do that for?
- Look, about the cereal boxes.
- What cereal?
- I was talking to Sam.
- Oh.
That's him with his
head in a pickle barrel.
- [Sam] I got one.
- Yeah.
Hey, Sam.
- You dimwit.
This guy wants to talk to ya.
What did you say your name was?
- Mr. Kimball.
- Mr. Kimball?
Boy, he's got the
same name as me.
- Hank, why don't you
go count coffee beans?
- Oh, it'll be a pleasure.
Well, not a pleasure.
- Go count 'em.
- Mr. Drucker, I
have to talk to you.
- Oh, I do that for
you Mr. Drucker.
- I want to show you something.
- One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine.
10, 11, 12,
13, 14, 15.
- Holy Toledo.
Where'd you get all that?
- The same place
you got the earrings.
In the cereal.
- Oliver?
- Oh, did you find my earrings?
- No, my ring fell in.
- Oh, for the love of.
- 26, 27, 28, 29, 30.
- Mr. Kimball, could
you count quietly.
- Oh, I thought you wanted
me to count the coffee beans.
24, 25.
- Mr. Drucker, I just spoke to
the Crickly Wickly people and...
- Hi, Sam.
- Hi, Clyde.
- And who do those belong to?
- Mr. Douglas.
- Oh?
- Mr. Douglas, this is
our sheriff Clyde Prentice.
- Good, how do you do?
- You're under arrest.
- What?
- Oliver, hold this.
- Lisa, I don't have the...
- What are you wearing that for?
- He's under arrest.
- What for?
- For suspicion
of grand larceny.
- What did he grand larson?
- Those.
They fit the description
of the stolen merchandise
from the Berkman Jewelry
Company in Chicago.
- Sheriff, I...
- May I remind you, Mr. Douglas,
anything you may say
may be used against you.
- Clam up, Oliver, until
I get you a mousepiece.
- I am a mousepiece,
or a lawyer.
- Make a run for it, Oliver.
I'll throw the net
over his head.
- Lisa, please.
- And just who are you?
- I am the wife of
the grand larson.
- Well, maybe you
better come along, too.
- Where are my handcuffs?
- Oh, I don't think
you'll try and get away.
- I always do.
(audience laughs)
- Lisa.
Sheriff, you're
making a mistake.
- Would you mind coming along?
And if I do make a mistake,
it won't be the first
one I've made in my life.
Now, come along.
- I want my ring.
- [Clyde] Come on.
- 291, 292, 293.
- Hank.
- 294, 295, 296.
- Hank?
- Yes?
Oh, where'd Mr. And
Mrs. Douglas go?
- They were arrested.
- Oh.
- 297, 298, 299, 300.
- All right, let's go
over this once more.
Why don't you two
tell me the truth?
Where did you get that jewelry?
- Well, you see we
were onboard ship.
And while I was
entertaining the captain,
my husband went
through all the state rooms.
- Lisa.
- Well, we told them
the other story 12 times
and they didn't believe us.
I thought they might
like this one better.
- Tell us once more.
- Okay.
We were onboard ship.
- Not that one, the other one.
- This morning I
came into the kitchen.
- And he gave me
a two pants kiss.
- We're not interested
in your sex life.
- Why not?
- You opened a box of cereal.
What was in it?
- Crickly Wicklys.
- Besides those.
- The diamond wristwatch.
- And then your hired
hand opened a box
and he found that
emerald bracelet.
- I thought you wanted
us to tell the story.
- Then, tell it.
- Well, you see, we
were on this ship.
- One more time and
I'm locking you up.
Go ahead.
- Look, I opened a box of cereal
and I found a
picture of Yogi Berra.
- Then what?
- Well.
- Then, I opened a box
and I found a diamond ring.
And then Eb opened a box
and found sapphire earrings.
- And then I opened
one and got a picture of...
- [Both] Yogi Berra.
- Right.
- Mr. Douglas, doesn't
it seem strange to you
that everybody
else found jewelry
and all you got was two
Yogi Berra baseball cards?
- Well, you know the old saying.
Lucky in love, unlucky
in opening cereal boxes.
(audience laughs)
- I'm not the only one
that got Yogi Berra.
Mrs. Ziffel got one, too.
- Oh, I thought
Mrs. Ziffel found this.
- No, Arnold found that.
- And who is Arnold?
- He's the Ziffel's pig.
- Oh, he opened
the package himself?
- Yes.
He does lots of things.
He turns on the TV, he rides
a bicycle, he goes to school.
- This is a pig
you're talking about?
- Yes.
Mrs. Ziffel can't do
any of those things.
- And you claim that
this belongs to the pig.
- That's right.
- And you stole it from him.
- No.
He came over to
trade a bracelet he got
for a pair of earrings
to go with the choker.
- Oh, boy.
- Then, what did you do?
- I took the jewelry up
to the jeweler in Pixley.
- And tried to sell it.
- You didn't tell me that part.
- He said I tried to sell it.
- How does he know?
- Look, all I did
was get it appraised.
I didn't believe it was real.
- Oh, come now, Mr. Douglas.
You certainly must've
thought it was real
when you took all that
trouble to blow the safe.
- You didn't tell
me that part either.
- I didn't blow any safe.
I didn't steal any jewelry.
I found it where I said I did.
- It'll be asy to
check your story.
We'll call the Cuckly
Wuckly company.
- Crackly Whackly,
uh, Kookly Wook.
Huntly Brinkly.
- He'll get around to it.
- Crickly Wickly.
- I told you.
- Get 'em on the phone.
- Just a second.
There's no point
in calling them.
I already did.
- And what'd they say?
- Well, they said...
- Yes?
- Well, how could they tell
on the phone if I was drunk?
I mean.
- Well, I always could tell.
- I don't blame you
for getting drunk.
You made a pretty
nice haul there.
- Look, I know my rights.
Now, either you...
- Sheriff Prentice?
- Yes.
- Chicago police.
- Nice to meet you, Deputy.
- Hello there.
I am Lisa Douglas and
this is my husband, Oliver.
What can we do for you?
- Mrs. Douglas, please.
Now, what can I
do for you fellas?
- Looks like you've
already done it.
That's the loot from
the Berkman heist.
Where did you get it?
- We've been
trying to tell them.
We found it in the cereal.
- Now, if you
don't like that story,
we have another one
where we were on the ship
and I was entertaining
the captain and...
- Quiet.
- This man's right.
According to our investigation,
the crooks stashed the loot
in a bin at the cereal factory
and it got packed in
the boxes by mistake.
- I'll be doggone.
- I told you.
Now, are we free to go or would
you like to have me sue you?
(playful music)
(Arnold grunting)
- Hey, what do you
think you're doing?
- That belongs to him.
- It does not.
- It does, too.
- Don't tell me.
That choker was one
of the very first things
we took out of the safe.
- Big mouth!
- Don't move, I got ya covered.
- I emptied out all the
pickles, dumped out the brine,
but your ring isn't in there.
- It has to be.
- No, it doesn't.
I just remembered.
I wasn't wearing
it this morning.
I left it on the sink when
I was washing dishes.
- Lisa, Mr. Drucker ruined
a whole barrel of pickles.
- Oh, don't worry about 'em.
They're plastic.
- Plastic pickles?
- I just keep 'em
there for city folks.
They kind of expect
to see a pickle barrel
in a general store.
Gotta keep up our
backwood appearance.
- Yes, I guess you...
- [Sam] Oh, hi Clyde.
- Hello, Sam.
- [Lisa] Hello there, Sheriff.
- Hello, folks.
I've been looking
all over for you two.
I wanted to apologize
for doubting your story.
- Oh, that's all right, Sheriff.
We understand.
- Thanks.
Now, if you'll both come
along with me please,
I want to take you
in for questioning.
- What for?
I thought you said
you believed our story.
- About the cereal.
It's the other story I
want to talk to you about.
I got a flyer from
Interpol about this couple
that are wanted for working
transatlantic steamers.
Seems that she
entertains the captain
while he goes through
the state rooms.
- My wife just
made up that story.
- Can we discuss it
down at headquarters?
- Well, I'll be.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat theme music)
- [Lisa] This has been a
Filmways presentation, darling.
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Goodbye city life
♪ Green Acres we are there
(playful music)
(expl*si*n booming)
- Beautiful.
Get a load of this rock.
- In the bag, in the bag.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(bell ringing)
Let's get out of here.
Not that way, stupid.
- Shh.
Did we lose 'em?
- I think so.
I don't hear anything.
Hey, Mack.
Let's divvy up the loot.
- Not now.
Later.
Hey, Mack.
- Huh?
- There must be a lot
of show business kids
in this neighborhood.
- How do you figure?
- Look.
(audience laughs)
Boy, when I was a kid,
the kind of stuff
we'd write on a wall.
- Psst.
- Where are we going?
- In there.
Come on, open the door.
- All right, get back.
- Not that way, the head.
- Ah, all right.
(audience laughs)
Now, what did we
come in here for?
- To stash the
jewelry, you dummy.
- What's in there?
- Looks like wheat or something.
All right, dump
it in, dump it in.
Now, what did you do that for?
Why didn't you throw
the whole bag in?
- I gotta bring it home.
I borrowed it from
my brother-in-law.
- All right, we'll stash it here
and pick it up
when the heat's off.
All right, let's get out.
- Boy, you sure
are cranky tonight.
Ow.
(uptempo music)
- Doggone it.
Every week they come
out with a new cereal.
One week it was Tooty Wooties,
and the next week it was...
- Hello there, Mr. Drucker.
- Afternoon, Mr. Drucker.
- Afternoon, folks.
- Oh, those are those Crickly
Wicklys they advertise on TV.
- What do they do?
Snap, crunch, ping?
- No, these are soundproof.
- I wonder if these are as
good as the Jumpy Wumpies.
- Jumpy?
- Yes, when you pour
hot milk over them,
they jump around in the bowl.
- Who wouldn't?
- My favorite cereal
used to be Itsy Bitsies,
but they stopped making them
when they came out
with Stuffy Wuffies.
- Who thinks up those?
- In Hungary, they had a
wonderful cereal, Shredded Goulash.
You can't get that here.
- Thank goodness.
- Well, this should
be pretty good.
It's got a lot of stuff in it.
Artificial coloring,
imitation sweeteners,
synthetic orange peels.
- No plastic raisins?
- No, they had those
in Jumpy Wumpies.
- Look, Lisa.
- This is the first cereal
I ever got with vitamin N.
- There's no such
thing as vitamin N.
- It says right here.
Contains vitamin N for energy.
- I believe energy
is spelled with an E.
- Since when?
- Well, it's always...
- Each box is supposed
to have a valuable prize.
- I'm sure.
- Would you like to try 'em?
They're 18 cents a
box or six for a dollar.
- We take six boxes.
- No, we don't.
- But, Oliver.
You might want them for
breakfast tomorrow morning.
- I'm not putting that
junk in my stomach.
- All right, then.
Give me 10 pounds
of hot cakes flour.
- On second thought, I am
putting that junk in my stomach.
We'll take these six boxes.
(rooster crows)
Good morning.
- Well, if it isn't my
husband, Handsome Harry.
(audience laughs)
- Is breakfast ready?
- Don't you even want to
pant a little from the kiss?
(pants)
- That enough?
- Personally, I thought it was
more than a two pants kiss.
- Breakfast, Lisa, hmm?
- All right, gorgeous.
Sit down.
There.
There we are.
- Good morning.
- Hi.
- Good morning.
- What's this?
Crickly Wicklys?
Why don't you buy the
kind I like, Poopy Woopsy?
- Poopy Woopsy.
- That a cereal with
the filter tipped flakes.
A valuable prize in every box.
I wonder what they give you.
(whimsical music)
A green glass bracelet.
- What did you expect, emeralds?
- That's what they are.
- Sure, emeralds.
- They are.
- Oh, boy.
Wait'll I give this to Lorelei.
I'll get a two pants kiss.
- You are to get at
least a five pants for that.
Do you know what
emeralds are worth?
- No, ma'am.
- Well, my aunt had
an emerald bracelet,
not half as good as this
one, and it cost her $12,000.
- $12,000?
- Why would they
put a $12,000 bracelet
in an 18 cent box of cereal?
- They're trying to
make new customers.
- That makes sense.
- I wish you did.
- See what you
get, Mrs. Douglas.
- All right.
(whimsical music)
Ooh, a diamond wristwatch.
Must be worth at least $8,000.
- Oh, boy.
- It's your turn, Mr. Douglas.
- Come on, I'm not going to...
- Oh, go on, Oliver.
(whimsical music)
- What did you get?
- A picture of Yogi Berra.
- Autographed?
- No.
- Tough luck.
- Hey, will you
stop opening all the.
(whimsical music)
- [Lisa] Ooh.
- Wowee, a diamond ring.
- Yes.
Ooh, it's at least six carats.
- That's a big
phony hunk of glass.
- It's a diamond.
- Look, how could
it possibly be a...
- Oliver, if there's one
thing I know, it's diamonds.
- What do you know
about sapphires?
- Ooh, it's gorgeous.
- They're blue glass.
- Oliver, I didn't get
to where I am today
without knowing what's
real jewelry and what isn't.
(audience laughs)
- Here, try your luck again.
Well?
- Yogi Berra.
- You're a born loser.
- Oliver, we ought to buy
some more of this cereal.
Delicious.
- Yeah, I'm gonna get
me 75 boxes and retire.
- You'll be retiring a
lot faster than you think
if you don't get back to work.
- I don't have to work anymore.
I'm independently wealthy.
Jewelry wise.
- That stupid kid.
He gets a few hunks
of junk jewelry and...
(knocking on door)
Come in!
- Howdy.
- Hello there, Mr Ziffel.
- I just come over to
show you something.
Looky here.
- Ooh, your birthday?
- No, Crickly Wickly.
- What?
- You, too?
Look what I got.
- That's pretty.
You didn't happen
to get a couple
of diamond earrings did ya?
- No.
Eb got some sapphires.
- Aw, too bad.
Arnold wanted to
trade a bracelet he got
for a couple of diamond
earrings to go with his choker.
- What choker?
- His Prickly Wickly choker.
Arnold, come in here
and show it to them.
(audience laughs)
- Well, I'll be a...
- Yeah, that's what Doris
said when she saw it.
- Did Mrs. Ziffel get anything?
- Yep, she got a
picture of Yogi Berra.
- Ooh, that's what
Mr. Douglas got.
- Couple of born losers.
(audience laughs)
- Look, Mr. Ziffel.
That's cheap costume jewelry.
(Arnold squealing)
- Don't pay no
attention to him, Arnold.
He don't know what
he's talking about.
- Would you like
me to prove it to you?
- How?
- I'll take all this junk
over to the jeweler in Pixley
and have it appraised.
- Ooh, this is a
magnificent diamond.
Not a flaw in it.
- Are you sure?
- Oh, positive.
- And you say
this stuff is all real?
- Yes, these are some of
the most beautiful jewels
I've ever seen, Mr., uh.
- Douglas.
How much do you
estimate they're worth?
- Well,
roughly $200,000.
- 200...
- Mr. Douglas, if
you bought them
you ought to know
what they're worth.
- Oh, I didn't buy them.
- You inherited them?
- No, no.
I got them in boxes of.
- Of what?
- If I told you, you
wouldn't believe me.
- If you'd like me to keep
these in my safe for you.
- No, thank you.
Thank you.
Good day.
- Good day.
Hello, operator.
Connect me with the
sheriff's office, please.
Yes.
Hello, Sheriff?
This is Klaxon, the
jeweler over at Pixley.
Yes.
Say, I got a flyer from
the jeweler's association
the other day on the
Berkman jewelry robbery
and a man was in
here a few moments ago
with some jewelry that
matches the description.
Yes, Douglas.
I think he lives in Hooterville.
- I told you it was real.
- I know you told me.
- What did the man
say it was worth?
- $200,000.
There must be some explanation.
- Okay, let's hear it.
- Lisa, I've got to make a call.
- To whom?
- The Crickly Wickly people.
- Calling from where?
Hooterville?
I'll take it.
Hello?
- Hello, who's this?
- Charles Bennett.
I'm in charge of public
relations for Crickly Wickly.
- My name is Douglas.
Oliver Wendell Douglas.
I want to talk to you
about your cereal.
You see, we bought six boxes.
- Don't you think they're
a great improvement
over our Fudley Wudlies?
- I don't...
Look, I want to talk to
you about the prizes.
You see, we found some jewelry.
- Jewelry?
(laughs) We don't put
any jewelry in our cereal.
Just baseball
cards, plastic ducks,
and an occasional
back scratcher.
- We found jewelry.
$200,000 worth.
- 200.
One moment, please.
Ms. Travis, where did you
say this call was coming from?
Hooterville?
Do they have a
fruitcake farm there?
(audience laughs)
Thank you.
Hello?
You still there?
- Yes, I'm still here.
- I was afraid of that.
- What?
- Now, about this jewelry
you claim was found
in our Dinky Inkies.
- We found them
in a Crickly Wickly.
- $200,000 worth?
- Yes.
My wife found a six
carat diamond ring
and a diamond wristwatch.
And Eb, my hired hand,
found an emerald bracelet
and sapphire earrings,
and Arnold found a diamond
choker that's worth $80,000.
- Lucky Arnold.
He must be dancing with joy.
- Well, he can't dance.
He's a pig.
- That's a p-i-g, pig?
- Well, what other
kind is there?
Now, the reason I'm calling
is to find out what I should do.
- Well, for one thing, the
next time you have our cereal,
just put milk on it.
- I didn't eat any
of your cereal.
- Oh, you just drank the sauce.
(audience laughs)
- Look, I called
you in good face.
Good fate.
Faith.
- You're getting a
little blurry there, Jack.
(audience laughs)
- I'll ask you once more.
Do you know anything
about the jewelry
we found in your cereal?
- No, I don't.
- Then, goodbye.
- There are more
ding-a-lings that eat our cereal.
Now, just a moment.
You can't...
- Chicago police.
- We got a report that
some stolen jewelry
was stashed in your grain bin.
Now, we just went through
it, but they ain't there.
- That's strange.
I just had a call
from a man who said
he found some jewelry
in our Crickly Wicklys.
- Oh?
Where'd he call from?
- I believe it was Hooterville.
I better call him back.
- That won't be necessary.
We'll take care of it.
- We better get going.
- Not that way, stupid.
We'll take care of it.
- Oliver, why do we have
to talk to Mr. Drucker?
Why can't we just
keep the jewels?
- Because obviously they got
into those packages by mistake.
- Oh.
- Mr. Drucker, I
came in to ask you.
- Oh, I was just
trying these on.
Got 'em in a box
of Crickly Wicklys.
- We'll take 12 more boxes.
- I'm sorry, they're all gone.
When people found out about
the prizes, they cleaned me out.
I don't know how they can afford
to give away such
expensive gifts.
These earrings must've
cost at least a dollar.
- I'd say they're worth 5,000.
- What?
- These are real diamonds.
- Diamonds?
Oh, doggone it.
Do you see 'em?
- Yes, that pickle
is wearing one.
No, no.
Not that one,
the one next to it.
- Mr. Drucker, where do these
boxes of cereal come from?
- [Lisa] There it is.
- Mr. Drucker, would you
please answer my question?
- What is your question?
- I'm not talking to you.
- What are you looking for, Sam?
- His earrings fell
in the pickle barrel.
- Oh.
Why don't you have
your ears pierced?
Then they wouldn't
fall off so easily.
(audience laughs)
- Mr. Kimball, if you're...
- Say, that sure is a
nice looking pickle.
How much you want for it?
- You can have it.
- Nah, I don't like pickles.
(audience laughs)
- What'd you do that for?
- Look, about the cereal boxes.
- What cereal?
- I was talking to Sam.
- Oh.
That's him with his
head in a pickle barrel.
- [Sam] I got one.
- Yeah.
Hey, Sam.
- You dimwit.
This guy wants to talk to ya.
What did you say your name was?
- Mr. Kimball.
- Mr. Kimball?
Boy, he's got the
same name as me.
- Hank, why don't you
go count coffee beans?
- Oh, it'll be a pleasure.
Well, not a pleasure.
- Go count 'em.
- Mr. Drucker, I
have to talk to you.
- Oh, I do that for
you Mr. Drucker.
- I want to show you something.
- One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine.
10, 11, 12,
13, 14, 15.
- Holy Toledo.
Where'd you get all that?
- The same place
you got the earrings.
In the cereal.
- Oliver?
- Oh, did you find my earrings?
- No, my ring fell in.
- Oh, for the love of.
- 26, 27, 28, 29, 30.
- Mr. Kimball, could
you count quietly.
- Oh, I thought you wanted
me to count the coffee beans.
24, 25.
- Mr. Drucker, I just spoke to
the Crickly Wickly people and...
- Hi, Sam.
- Hi, Clyde.
- And who do those belong to?
- Mr. Douglas.
- Oh?
- Mr. Douglas, this is
our sheriff Clyde Prentice.
- Good, how do you do?
- You're under arrest.
- What?
- Oliver, hold this.
- Lisa, I don't have the...
- What are you wearing that for?
- He's under arrest.
- What for?
- For suspicion
of grand larceny.
- What did he grand larson?
- Those.
They fit the description
of the stolen merchandise
from the Berkman Jewelry
Company in Chicago.
- Sheriff, I...
- May I remind you, Mr. Douglas,
anything you may say
may be used against you.
- Clam up, Oliver, until
I get you a mousepiece.
- I am a mousepiece,
or a lawyer.
- Make a run for it, Oliver.
I'll throw the net
over his head.
- Lisa, please.
- And just who are you?
- I am the wife of
the grand larson.
- Well, maybe you
better come along, too.
- Where are my handcuffs?
- Oh, I don't think
you'll try and get away.
- I always do.
(audience laughs)
- Lisa.
Sheriff, you're
making a mistake.
- Would you mind coming along?
And if I do make a mistake,
it won't be the first
one I've made in my life.
Now, come along.
- I want my ring.
- [Clyde] Come on.
- 291, 292, 293.
- Hank.
- 294, 295, 296.
- Hank?
- Yes?
Oh, where'd Mr. And
Mrs. Douglas go?
- They were arrested.
- Oh.
- 297, 298, 299, 300.
- All right, let's go
over this once more.
Why don't you two
tell me the truth?
Where did you get that jewelry?
- Well, you see we
were onboard ship.
And while I was
entertaining the captain,
my husband went
through all the state rooms.
- Lisa.
- Well, we told them
the other story 12 times
and they didn't believe us.
I thought they might
like this one better.
- Tell us once more.
- Okay.
We were onboard ship.
- Not that one, the other one.
- This morning I
came into the kitchen.
- And he gave me
a two pants kiss.
- We're not interested
in your sex life.
- Why not?
- You opened a box of cereal.
What was in it?
- Crickly Wicklys.
- Besides those.
- The diamond wristwatch.
- And then your hired
hand opened a box
and he found that
emerald bracelet.
- I thought you wanted
us to tell the story.
- Then, tell it.
- Well, you see, we
were on this ship.
- One more time and
I'm locking you up.
Go ahead.
- Look, I opened a box of cereal
and I found a
picture of Yogi Berra.
- Then what?
- Well.
- Then, I opened a box
and I found a diamond ring.
And then Eb opened a box
and found sapphire earrings.
- And then I opened
one and got a picture of...
- [Both] Yogi Berra.
- Right.
- Mr. Douglas, doesn't
it seem strange to you
that everybody
else found jewelry
and all you got was two
Yogi Berra baseball cards?
- Well, you know the old saying.
Lucky in love, unlucky
in opening cereal boxes.
(audience laughs)
- I'm not the only one
that got Yogi Berra.
Mrs. Ziffel got one, too.
- Oh, I thought
Mrs. Ziffel found this.
- No, Arnold found that.
- And who is Arnold?
- He's the Ziffel's pig.
- Oh, he opened
the package himself?
- Yes.
He does lots of things.
He turns on the TV, he rides
a bicycle, he goes to school.
- This is a pig
you're talking about?
- Yes.
Mrs. Ziffel can't do
any of those things.
- And you claim that
this belongs to the pig.
- That's right.
- And you stole it from him.
- No.
He came over to
trade a bracelet he got
for a pair of earrings
to go with the choker.
- Oh, boy.
- Then, what did you do?
- I took the jewelry up
to the jeweler in Pixley.
- And tried to sell it.
- You didn't tell me that part.
- He said I tried to sell it.
- How does he know?
- Look, all I did
was get it appraised.
I didn't believe it was real.
- Oh, come now, Mr. Douglas.
You certainly must've
thought it was real
when you took all that
trouble to blow the safe.
- You didn't tell
me that part either.
- I didn't blow any safe.
I didn't steal any jewelry.
I found it where I said I did.
- It'll be asy to
check your story.
We'll call the Cuckly
Wuckly company.
- Crackly Whackly,
uh, Kookly Wook.
Huntly Brinkly.
- He'll get around to it.
- Crickly Wickly.
- I told you.
- Get 'em on the phone.
- Just a second.
There's no point
in calling them.
I already did.
- And what'd they say?
- Well, they said...
- Yes?
- Well, how could they tell
on the phone if I was drunk?
I mean.
- Well, I always could tell.
- I don't blame you
for getting drunk.
You made a pretty
nice haul there.
- Look, I know my rights.
Now, either you...
- Sheriff Prentice?
- Yes.
- Chicago police.
- Nice to meet you, Deputy.
- Hello there.
I am Lisa Douglas and
this is my husband, Oliver.
What can we do for you?
- Mrs. Douglas, please.
Now, what can I
do for you fellas?
- Looks like you've
already done it.
That's the loot from
the Berkman heist.
Where did you get it?
- We've been
trying to tell them.
We found it in the cereal.
- Now, if you
don't like that story,
we have another one
where we were on the ship
and I was entertaining
the captain and...
- Quiet.
- This man's right.
According to our investigation,
the crooks stashed the loot
in a bin at the cereal factory
and it got packed in
the boxes by mistake.
- I'll be doggone.
- I told you.
Now, are we free to go or would
you like to have me sue you?
(playful music)
(Arnold grunting)
- Hey, what do you
think you're doing?
- That belongs to him.
- It does not.
- It does, too.
- Don't tell me.
That choker was one
of the very first things
we took out of the safe.
- Big mouth!
- Don't move, I got ya covered.
- I emptied out all the
pickles, dumped out the brine,
but your ring isn't in there.
- It has to be.
- No, it doesn't.
I just remembered.
I wasn't wearing
it this morning.
I left it on the sink when
I was washing dishes.
- Lisa, Mr. Drucker ruined
a whole barrel of pickles.
- Oh, don't worry about 'em.
They're plastic.
- Plastic pickles?
- I just keep 'em
there for city folks.
They kind of expect
to see a pickle barrel
in a general store.
Gotta keep up our
backwood appearance.
- Yes, I guess you...
- [Sam] Oh, hi Clyde.
- Hello, Sam.
- [Lisa] Hello there, Sheriff.
- Hello, folks.
I've been looking
all over for you two.
I wanted to apologize
for doubting your story.
- Oh, that's all right, Sheriff.
We understand.
- Thanks.
Now, if you'll both come
along with me please,
I want to take you
in for questioning.
- What for?
I thought you said
you believed our story.
- About the cereal.
It's the other story I
want to talk to you about.
I got a flyer from
Interpol about this couple
that are wanted for working
transatlantic steamers.
Seems that she
entertains the captain
while he goes through
the state rooms.
- My wife just
made up that story.
- Can we discuss it
down at headquarters?
- Well, I'll be.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat theme music)
- [Lisa] This has been a
Filmways presentation, darling.