06x12 - The Scary Things

[bunniefuu]

ANNE: Okay, let me tell you something,
Kate Hoffman.

What you're experiencing right now?

- It's like, a metaphor.
- A metaphor?

Yeah! Anything worth doing
is f*cking scary,

- and is gonna hurt like hell.
- f*cking scary, gonna hurt.

And the fact that
you're scared right now,

that's how you know
that you have to do this.

I have to do this.

We have to do this.

God you're so smart, Anne.

f*ck yeah, here we go!

This is just the beginning.

We are gonna accomplish crazy sh*t,

because we are never gonna
stop pushing each other.

EMPLOYEE: Are we good here?

Or is there more pep talk coming?

Let 'er rip!

Ow! Holy sh*t!

Ow! Oh! Aaah!

(ANNE HOWLS)

(BOTH SCREAM)

♪♪♪

(WAKING INHALE, PATS BED)

(GRUNTS)

(SHEETS RUSTLE)

(SLEEPY INHALE)

(DRAWER RASPS OPEN)

♪♪♪

(DRAWER RASPS CLOSED)

Mom.

(FOOTSTEPS THUD ON STAIRS)

(MARKERS RASP)

- Where's mommy?
- I don't know.

(ELLA BABBLES)

Kate?

(QUIET CHEWING)

(SILVERWARE CLINKS)

Okay, we've barely said
a word to each other

since Tomé left, so...

I'll start.

I may have crossed a line,

and said some things I shouldn't have,

and for that I am...

truly, truly sorry.

I just thought it was important to uh...

say some words.

Here's some words, I'm not sorry.

Okay, that's a great start.

You married me because
I'm a firecracker.

I guess at some point you decided

- that wasn't for you anymore?
- Right, because,

who needs growth or change?

And you know what you get
when you bottle up a firecracker?

- A molotov cocktail.
- Oh, that is so clever.

How long have you been
waiting to drop that one?

Oh, morning, sweetie!

- Who you textin'?
- No one.

- Okay, wow.
- (CELL PHONE RINGS)

You gonna get that?

Hello?

- Who is it?
- Hey, Lauren.

- Lauren's her friend.
- Yeah, I know who Lauren is.

Um, sure, I can email you the notes.

What are you talking about, Alice?

They're f*ring me.

They said that I am a danger
to myself and others,

- whatever the f*ck that means!
- I'll see you at school, okay?

- I gotta go now. Bye.
- No, Alice, please!

Everything okay?

Uh-huh. I'm just late for school.

(NOTIFICATIONS WHOOSH REPEATEDLY)

(SIGHS) Bye.

- (PHONE BUZZES)
- Bye, have a good day.

(DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Do you know where Kate is?

- No, do you not?
- She was gone when I woke up,

and I can't call her
because I've had her phone

- since the kitchen fire.
- Sorry, kitchen fire?

Why is this the first
I'm hearing about this?

Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?

She's fine. Well, kind of.

She's got some burns on her arm.

- Oh my God!
- I know. I know.

Uh, I tried calling her office,
she's not there.

I tried her mom, her sister.

Okay. Okay.

I have one more idea.

Great, if you find her,
could you give me a call back?

Yeah, I'll keep you posted.

(CALL BEEPS OFF)

♪♪♪

NINA: Which is why we believe

your book has the ability to do...

Hi, Sloane, thanks for joining us,
you know Beverly Berner,

author of "Raccoon and the Rock."

Of course, wonderful to see you, hi.

I thought I was early to this meeting.

Oh, no, Nina bumped the
meeting up to an hour ago.

We've already covered so much.

Huh! I never got that email.

(CLICKS TONGUE) Oops.

Sloane here is pregnant,
you know how that goes.

Oh, congratulations, Sloane!

- Thank you.
- Well, we're pretty much done here,

so you can probably
just sit this one out.

Ah! You know what,
I would, it's just uh,

I wanna make sure you
have enough time to pack.

Pack? Where am I going?

Oh my God,
I guess you didn't get my email.

You don't have to worry
about this account

or any other account, for that matter.

You'll have enough to
think about in Cleveland.

- Cleveland?
- Congrats!

You're gonna be running
our Ohio satellite office.

I was so impressed with your initiative

- these past few weeks that...
- That you're transferring me?

Promoting.

You're gonna be running
the show down there.

Isn't it interesting that
of all the executives,

you targeted me?

Here's some advice, Mentee.

You don't need to bring other women down

to raise yourself up.

Just a little something to noodle on

while you're down in Ohio...

doing your time.

(CHAIR CREAKS)

♪♪♪

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

♪♪♪

Yeah, yeah, no, I get that.

And we will take that into account.

Hey, so Arden forwarded me

- the Perlmutter Dorman report,
- (SNAPS FINGERS)

and I think it's missing some...

it's missing some signatures.

I also just wanted to let
you know that I miscarried,

so I'm not pregnant
with our child anymore.

I knew for a while
that it was a possibility.

A probability, actually.

So, obviously you're not
gonna want to marry me,

which I totally get.

Okay. That's it.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(QUIET BUBBLING OF WATER)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)

♪♪♪

- Hey.
- Hi.

Are you on an edible

or are we straight up
raw-dogging the aquarium now?

How did you find me?

You brought me here
when I divorced Brad.

Ah.

I don't know why you
find this so calming.

These creepy little
f*ckers will k*ll you.

Oh, jellyfish?

They got no brains, no hearts,

no bones, no eyes.

They can't feel a g*dd*mn thing.

Yet, here they are.

♪♪♪

Hey, why didn't you tell me about this?

Oh, yeah. Um, Nathan...

Why does he have your phone?

Because I gave it to him.

I think maybe uh, I'm...

I might be addicted to work.

Whatever.

You do not have an addiction,
you have a career

that requires your constant attention.

- Okay.
- And you shouldn't be shamed for it.

(SIGHS)

Okay, that's the pep talk,
now is when you realize

you can't just spend
your whole day zoning out

in front of these floating
alien breast implants.

Wanna bet?

(RELAXED EXHALE)

Snap out of it, we're leaving.

- Where are we going?
- I have an idea.

But just can we... let's maybe...
we wait 'til they feed them.

Now!

♪♪♪

(KNOCKS)

(PHONE RINGS)

I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I...

Stop.

It's fine.

I'm just sorry you had
to go through that.

What's that old saying?

If at first you don't succeed...

bone, bone again?

(CHUCKLES)

"Bone, bone again?"

I forgive you, is what I'm saying.

I mean, sure, you tried
to trap me with a fake baby,

convinced me to marry you,

but somehow,

you managed to charm me along the way.

So, chin up.

I want to be with you, baby or not.

You're just saying this
to keep your job.

No! No, I'm not.

You and I make sense,
there's no getting around it.

We're a vibe.

♪♪♪

- Great, guys.
- Thank you.

Thanks, we'll see you in a bit.

I don't know how we're gonna
finish all this work...

So I'm not gonna take a mat leave,

I'm gonna work right through it.

Okay, are you sure that's a good idea?

I think it's a great idea.

I'll take a three-day weekend,

I'll be induced Friday,
I will be on email on Monday,

Tuesday, I'm back in the office.

That sounds kind of impossible, no?

At the very least, take a week.

- (LAUGHS)
- A week, just a week.

And give you guys an
opportunity to parade

another assh*le in heels through here?
I don't think so.

I am gonna be here, g*ns-a-blazing,

ready to find the next great...

- Sloane?
- Sloane?

- (LOUD THUD)
- Sloane!

- sh*t! Oh, come on, sh*t!
- Sloane?

PAUL: Well, the good news is,
the doc says you're fine.

You do have an iron deficiency.

But of course you would know that,

had you been attending
your appointments.

And taking your iron supplement.

Look, if it's about me,

we can just get you a different
ultrasound technician...

- I get it, I get it.
- Do you?

I've seen you just do incredible things.

So I know that you're capable

of-of taking better care of yourself.

Okay, enough, I got it.
I will come to my appointments.

That's a good start.

You could also try maybe...
I don't know,

letting your guard down a little?

Is that a pregnancy term
I'm unfamiliar with?

Call it whatever you want, it's...

Because even though you won't let them,

there are people out there
trying to love you.

Sorry, I-I shouldn't...
I probably-I shouldn't have...

Actually, I should say that, because...

I love you.

I shouldn't have said that.

So that advice wasn't
strictly medical, then?

- Well...
- Because the last time I checked,

you were my f*ckin'
ultrasound technician.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(DOOR CREAKS, SLAMS)

Come. Come here! Come.

You're not serious.

- I sure am.
- One belly button piercing is enough.

That's why we're gonna
get matching tats.

Of what?!

- " ." Isn't that awesome?
- I mean, no.

- It's the year we met!
- Well...

It's the year we knew
exactly who we were!

- Yeah, stupid.
- Fearless!

We didn't run away from things
that would have scared us,

we ran towards them, remember that?

Yeah, I do remember.

So now any time you want,

you just look down at your tattoo,

and you remember the year
that you decided that

- nothing was gonna stop you.
- Hmm.

Dare me to make mine a tramp stamp?

No, don't do that.
Anne, I mean it! Anne! Anne!

(BIRDS CHIRP, INSECTS BUZZ)

(PENSIVE EXHALE)

(CARS WHOOSH BY NEARBY)

(LATCH CLICKS)

(PILLS RATTLE, DOOR THUDS)

(SIGHS)

(PILLS RATTLE)

Oh, f*ck.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(KNOCKS)

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

I'm sorry I'm so guarded. There.

- (SIGHS TEARFULLY)
- Okay.

It's just that I'm pregnant.

And I love you.

And I think I need you.

(SIGHS)

Whatever nasty thing you're gonna say,

- just get it out of your system.
- I wasn't gonna say anything.

Because I already know
I'm never gonna be the mom

- that you are.
- (SIGHS)

There's no need to bring up all that.

But I never got the hands-on
training that you did.

Mom was already gone by the
time I could absorb anything...

- Sloane, stop.
- But my body

can make babies,
so surely that's a sign that

- I should be able to raise...
- Enough!

I am well aware of my limitations,
thank you.

I didn't mean it like that.

You're as smart as they come,

but you have the emotional
intelligence of my...

B.H.

Your B.H.?

My butt hole, Sloane!

- You're an idiot.
- No, you're an idiot.

♪♪♪

You're gonna be just fine.

Just checking in,
make sure that we are on track

for this wedding I keep
hearing so much about!

You know what, things are moving along
beautifully, Louise.

You lovebirds put a deposit
on a venue yet?

Well, we actually did, finally...

- No.
- Well, we did...

- The wedding isn't happening.
- I'm sorry?

I think what she means is the
wedding isn't happening on...

What I mean is,
we're not getting married anymore.

And also...

I quit!

So you don't have to worry
about optics, or whatever.

Wait. What are you...

What are you doing?

You're not a bad guy.

Well, you're no worse than me, at least.

And that's the problem.

There's a better version
of me in here somewhere.

I want to keep looking for her.

And I won't be able to hear her

over you calling me
a butt-plug all the time.

(SHAKY EXHALE)

Take care of yourself, Malcolm.

♪♪♪

See you on the flick side, Gar!

Aah! Oh!

(ENGINE ROARS, TIRES SQUEAL)

What the sh*t?!

Alice, thank God!

Why have you been ignoring my calls?

I really needed you, huh?

Should we get help?

It's okay, I got this.

Look, there's nothing
I can do for you, Heather.

You realize I'm just a kid, right?

I can't fix your whole life.

Why don't you just go home, okay?

We're done.

Get in the car.

I said, get in the car!

♪♪♪

Maybe you should go first, you know?

No, what?
I'm not letting you off the hook.

You're up,
you're goin' first. Isn't this fun?

(CELL PHONE BUZZES)

KATE: Oh God.

It's just, I'm not so sure
about this, actually.

I know, that's how you know
you have to do it.

(TATTOO g*n BUZZES)

Stop, stop, stop!

Uh, uh, uh...
you know what, no thank you,

I'm just not so sure I want this,
actually, I know

I don't want this. I don't want to.

Okay, so what,
you're just gonna have a dot

on your lower back
for the rest of your life?

I'd rather a dot than the year

"Livin' la Vida Loca" came out.

I mean, there was other songs
that came out that year.

I don't think we have
anything left to learn

from our year-old selves, okay?

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

It means that we're so busy
co-signing each other's

shitty behaviour that
we're ignoring the truth,

and you know what that leads to?

To me believing I can
literally do everything,

and then almost lighting
my kids on fire!

So you're saying that I
caused your kitchen fire?

I mean, maybe. Probably not, but...

I just, I-I think our families
need us to grow,

you know what I mean,

and we're not letting each other do it.

Like, you were ready to change
for Lionel, and I said not to.

- Why did I say not to?!
- Well, you were just being

- supportive, so...
- That's not what supportive looks like.

But what if I wanna slow down,
you know? Is that so bad?

Like, what if I wanna be
present with my family?

Is that a crime?
Would you ever let me do that?!

Would you ever accept that?
Could you not right now?!

No, okay? No!
I wouldn't accept that, because...

Because at we had
our bellybuttons pierced

and we said we were gonna
take over the world? Cool!

- (FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
- (CELL PHONE BUZZES)

Sorry. God!

What?!

You told me, I should assert
my authority more

with the kids,
but then we weren't allowed to yell.

I... You can't just go changing
the g*dd*mn rules on people,

- you know?
- (CAR SCREECHES NEARBY)

Do you have any idea
how hard it is to find

a teaching job right now?
Of course you don't.

You' don't know anything,
you're just a... Excuse me!

ANNE: It's okay, it's okay. Come here.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Okay, it's okay,
just go find your friends,

- okay? Go stay with them.
- Okay.

Okay.

- (DOOR BANGS)
- (GASPS)

(SIGHS) Heather, I understand
that you're in pain right now.

You're harassing a child at her school.

- You crossed a line.
- You're just jealous,

because you're not half
the therapist your kid is.

Now if you'll excuse me,
we weren't finished.

Alice?

- Hey!
- Hey! Get off of me!

- (LOUD THUD)
- (SOBS)

(MOANING CRY)

If you take one more step
towards my daughter,

I will k*ll you.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay!

(SOBS)

(SIGHS) Why didn't you
just come to me sooner?

I didn't know she was
gonna show up at my school.

- Well, she did.
- I know!

I just... got in over my head.

If you had just talked to me
about this, we could've...

Sorry! But sometimes
talking to a creepy lady

is less scary than talking to you!

I know.

I'm working on it.

♪♪♪

Where do you think this one goes?

Can you see his belly? Hmm?

- (DOOR CLICKS OPEN)
- Oh, thank God.

(DOOR CREAKS, SLAMS)

Hey.

Uh, sorry, I um...

I was with Anne.

(SIGHS) Well, that's great.

Nice of her to call me back
and keep me posted.

I uh,

I just um...

Hey, we're fine.

Okay.

But you're gonna have to
explain yourself to Nathan Jr.

Why, where-where is he?

He's spending the night at Cassandra's.

What-what?
Why-why did you let him do that?

You were missing.

- He thought he lost another mom.
- Oh no, Jesus!

I'm-hey, I'm sorry.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Hey!

♪♪♪

We need to get Mr. Giraffe.

Whoa!

You found a cave!

This has been here this whole time?

Yeah.

It's just gonna be
you and me for a while.

- Is that okay?
- That's okay, mama.

I think it's okay, too.

There's not a lot of room
in this cave, anyway.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

She's fine, but...

But she was scared to come to me.

- Oh, I hate myself.
- No.

Yes, it's not a turn of phrase.

I hate... myself.

Stop it!

I've been thinking about what you said.

Do you ever feel like our friendship

is like this time capsule?

Built on ideas that
don't serve us anymore?

It's like we've been feeding
each other this steady diet

of poison for a really long time.

Okay.

You know how I said

that anything in life worth doing is...

f*cking scary and going to hurt?

Mm-hmm.

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

(READYING EMOTIONAL EXHALE)

I... I think I need time

to figure out who I am without you.

Jesus!

Do you...

Do you mean that?

If this friendship has...
has run its course,

you know, or-or served its purpose,

then maybe that's okay.

Maybe letting go of it could be like,

a celebration.

It doesn't feel like a celebration.

But you don't disagree.

I don't know what to say.

♪ I looked into your
eyes and realised ♪

♪ That there was something missing ♪

♪ And if I stay ♪

Okay, okay.

- I don't know what to do!
- It's fine, just go.

It's good, it's good. You're right.

♪ It's just a dream it's only fake ♪

Okay.

♪ I just gotta leave ♪

♪♪♪

♪ I gotta leave ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

- ♪ Turn the key ♪
- (SNIFFLES)

♪ I try, I try to drive away
into the night ♪