05x15 - The Inmates of Summer/To Save a Squirrel

[bunniefuu]

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS:
Aye, aye, Captain.

I can't hear you.

Aye, aye, Captain!

Oh...

♪ Who lives in a pineapple
under the sea? ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ If nautical nonsense be
something you wish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪

♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants! ♪
Ready?

CAPTAIN & KIDS:
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants. ♪

(Captain laughing heartily)

(piccolo playing)

(ocean waves crashing,
seagulls calling)

(chattering)

PATRICK:
SpongeBob!

SpongeBob!

(gurgling)

(grunts)

SpongeBob!

You forgot to tell me
you were leaving.

(sniffling)

Well, Patrick, I...

guess this is...

(both sobbing)

I'm going to miss you, buddy.

Me, too, Patrick, me, too.

(sobbing)

♪ Sun Fun Island is so fun ♪

♪ Sun Fun Island, here we come ♪

♪ Sun Fun Island,
we camp late ♪
(cheering)

♪ Sun Fun Island,
we can't wait! ♪

(both sobbing)

♪ La, la-la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la-la, la... ♪

(sobbing)

(steam whistle blowing)

Oh, Patrick, if
I had only known

how hard not saying
good-bye could be.

(gasping, grunting excitedly)

Well, see you later, bud.

Patrick, that's it!

You can come with me
to summer camp.

Then I never have
to say good-bye.

Summer camp?

But I'm not even ready yet!

How 'bout now?
Yep.

This stuff is just
my carry-on, porter.

The rest of my things
are right over there.

(agitated grunting)

Whee!

Oh, and porter, thanks!

(steam whistle blowing)

♪ Sun Fun Island,
we can't wait... ♪

Boy, that looks
like a boring boat

to be on, huh, guys?

Guys?

(thunder rumbles)

Welcome to Inferno Island.

Yay!
Yay!

What in the Seven Seas
just assaulted my eardrums?

Could that have been
an unrequested sound-off?

Well, it must have been
my imagination.

And you can all thank
your lucky stars

that I have a very
active imagination!

Because it so happens
that it is my sworn duty

to think of fun things to do
with the trash

that society has thrown away.

I always prefer to recycle.

(snickering)

Holy fish paste!

We got ourselves a couple
of rabble-rousers.

What's your name, son?

SpongeBob SquarePants.

And are you a rabble-rouser?

Funny you should ask.

Once I...
Well, I hope you aren't

because you sure look
mighty tasty,

and it's too soon
after breakfast

for me to want to chew
somebody's head off!

Actually,
I am a little hungry.

"Hungry"?!

Barney, fetch these two
poor, hungry souls a snack.

On the double!

(chomping loudly)

Oh, these guys are tough.

The food coma is setting in.

Yeah, I could use a nap.

Did you say "a nap"?

Well, I know the perfect place

for you two to go
digest that meal.

OFFICER:
A couple days in the hole

never hurt anybody.

This camp is very upscale.

(flies buzzing)

l had no idea
they had a hot tub.

All right!
Let them out.

Now pay attention, worms.

Watch the way they crawl out

on their bellies
begging for mercy.

And see what's waiting for you

next time you foul up

the same way these two did.

It was quite an enjoyable soak.

That is, until this guy
got thirsty

and decided to drink
the bathwater.

Not bad.

Except for this
aftertaste.

(inmates cough and choke)

Shut your traps!
All of you.

Because of that little outburst,

I am going to treat you all
to an activity

so heart-wrenchingly boring
and physically exhausting

that it is guaranteed
to render your soul

broken beyond repair.

Yay!
Yay!

This is a pretty fun
camp game, huh, Patrick?

Yeah.
It's made even more fun
and challenging

by the fact that we're wearing
these heavy ankle weights.

(thunder rumbles)

OFFICER:
Good night, ladies!

(men grumbling)

lNMATE:
My corns won't stop ringing.

lNMATE :
I miss my rubber ducky.

(sighs)

What's wrong, SpongeBob?

The other campers
just aren't having

as much fun as you and me.

lf only we could think
of some sort of group activity

that we could all do together.

Then we'd all be having the same
amount of fun as each other.

Good night.

That's it!

We'll show him
we can be self-starters.

(whistle blowing)

Rise and shine!

Now, which one of you vile,

low-down, foul, miserable,

wretched swine
left this pathetic

worthless, horrid,
meaningless...

(panting)

Abomination?

Who said that?

Me, sir.

And what is the meaning
of this thing?!

It's a play.

For our amusement
and inspiration.

Hmm... of course.

Well, then,

I'll watch your play.

And I will enjoy every act
of your pathetic,

meaningless,
ridiculous production.

You know why?

Uh, because you cherish

the fine art of thespianism?
No!

Because it'll be the last act
you'll ever perform

in your pathetic lives!

So get to it!

And I better be
truly entertained.

Cool!

Kid's wasting his time.

All done.

(steam whistle blowing)

You thinking
what I'm thinking?

Uh...

lt's a boat, you simpleton!

What do boats do?

Uh... make smoke?

No, knucklehead.

They float.

Away from this island

with all of us on board.

Now, here's the plan.

(whispering)

Hey, buddy, you need some help?
Really?

Sure...

Aye, fore jibs-men.

What forces blow
the merry winds of Galilee?

Get ready!

Huh? Oh.

♪ 'Tis we ♪

♪ Here to sing a song
of maritime camaraderie ♪

♪ Together ♪

(electric guitar chords)

♪ Together, together ♪

(synthesized drumbeats)

♪ Together ♪

(sliding chords)

♪ Together ♪
(slide whistle blows)

♪ Together, together ♪

♪ To-ge-ther ♪

♪ Like the boat upon the sea ♪
♪ Together ♪

♪ In happy camaraderie ♪
♪ Together ♪

♪ That's the way ♪

♪ It ought to be ♪
♪ Together ♪

♪ Just you ♪
♪ And you ♪

♪ And you ♪
♪ And you ♪

ALL:
♪ And me... ♪

♪ Together, together ♪

♪ Together. ♪

(cheering and applause)

(sobbing)

I've never seen anything
so beautiful

in my... my...

(sobbing)

Okay, let's do it.

Uh, hey, guys, what
are you doing?

We're breaking out
of here, that's what.

Escaping!

Oh, and thanks
for the convincing stagecraft.

(steam whistle blowing)

Encore! Encore! Encore!

(sobbing)

Do... Do it again.

(continues sobbing)

What the...?!

Turn the ship around!

(shouting indistinctly)

I'm stuffed.

I can't even begin

to imagine
a punishment appropriate

for what has happened
here tonight.

Words cannot attempt to describe

the disgusting, vile,
the-the-the...

the complete disregard

for the storied tradition
of musical theater.

So, starting this very moment,

every one of you sub-protozoas

will be sentenced to...

FISH:
Ahoy, hello?

Yoo-hoo!

What in the name of...?

(wheezing)

For Neptune's sake, man,

speak the King's English.

I'm...
I'm Camp Counselor Crouse

from Sun Fun Island.

You're who, what?

Well, I was doing
roll call and discovered

one of my sun-funners
was missing.

I came to take him back with me.

A SpongeBob, uh,
SquarePants.

(clamoring)

Enough! So tell me, counselor,

just what do they do on
your sunny funny island?

Well, we, uh, make macaroni art.

Egad!

And we sing campfire songs.

Ugh!
Oh, and we

help and support each other.

Stop!

These heinous activities

sound like t*rture too severe

for even the lowest, filthiest,

undeserving...

Wait a minute!

I have a brilliant idea.

(groaning)

Oh, that is very good, Bruiser.

(sobbing)

(both sighing)

SpongeBob.
Patrick.

You first.

(sighs)

I...

I liked the other
island better.

Me, too!

(both sobbing)

(screaming)

Sandy! Sandy, save us! Sandy...
Sandy, save us!

(screaming continuing)

What the...?

(panicked grunting)

Whoa, there.

Calm down,
and tell me what happened.

SpongeBob and I are being
chased by a savage beast!

And he's gonna eat us!

Oh, no, he ain't.

(screaming)

There it is!
There it is!

(giggles)

This little guy?

Why, he's just
a harmless little cricket.

He's a land creature,
just like me.

(sobbing) Poor thing
must've gotten lost.

Well, he's not
going to hurt you.

See?

Aw, let's get you back home,
little fella.

There you go.

See, that wasn't nothing to be
afraid of, huh, guys?

(sobbing)

(sighs)
I don't have time for this.

l'm late
for my survival training camp.

Survival training camp?!

Patrick and I love camping.

Can we come?!

This ain't
no ordinary camping trip.

l go out into the wild,
armed only with my bare hands,

my quick wits,

this harpoon,
and pounds of dynamite.

Out in the wild,

it's eat or be eaten.

You have to be willing
to do anything

when you're alone
in the wild.

You two wouldn't
last a single day.

Hey!
We would so!

Why, I'll have you know
that just the other day,

Squidward commented
on our survival skills.

You two are harder to get rid of
than cockroaches.

Thank you, Squidward.

Why... aren't... these...
things... working?!

No way, guys.

This is a serious trip
for hardcore survivalists only.

But,
Sandy! But, Sandy!

No!

Aw!
Aw!

(engine rumbles)

(tires screech)

(snickering)

Shh!

We'll show Sandy
we're as tough as she is.

(SpongeBob and Patrick
grunting)

I guess the road
smoothed out.

(yelling)

(screaming)

That was a close
one, Patrick.

We were almost left
in the wilderness

without Sandy!

And nobody would've known
where to find us.

Weird. There's a door
back here, too?

No, Patrick. No!

(yelling and grunting)

Sandy, wait!

Sandy!

Sandy!

Well, at least we have food,
shelter and water.

l'll pitch the tent
while you start a campfire.

Then when we're all settled,
l'll cook us up some grub.

Okay, Patrick, we're all set.

We got fresh water,
a rugged tent for shelter...

And a nice fire
to keep us warm.

Hey, where'd you get
the firewood?

You burnt our food supply?!

Oh, no! Quick! Quick!
Put it out with something!

Fire! Fire! Fire!

Hey, Patrick, nice job.

(flames roar)
(screams)

Phew!

Uh-oh.

Well, we b*rned our food,

ruined our tent
and lost all our water.

Patrick, we are going
to need to use

our razor-sharp, quick wits

if we're gonna make it
out of here alive.

Gotcha.

Okay, here's the plan.

Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, no, no.

You made the last decision.
lt's my turn.

Sure, Patrick.
What do you think we should do?

Um...

maybe...

uh...

(owl hoots)

Uh, Patrick...

Well, for crying
out loud, SpongeBob,

l didn't rush you
when it was your turn!

Sorry, sorry.
Take your time.

(snoring)

(Patrick inhaling)
(gasps)

(thunder crashes)

Oh, sh**t!

l forgot what
I was gonna say!

No hurry, Patrick.

(teeth chattering)

Do you want to play
hide-and-go-seek?

Sure.

Let's go play
in that cave over there.

I like it here.

It's roomy, and best of all,

we have this cave
all to ourselves.

(crazed laughter)

Huh? Mice.

We'll only stay here tonight,
and then head home tomorrow.

(crazed laughter)

Home?!

This is your new home!

You'll be here forever!

Just like me!

(crazy cackling)

(goofy laughter)

Ah, good times.

What do you mean,
we'll be here forever?

How long have you been here?

(cackling)

Forty years I been here.

There ain't no way
out of this valley.

You're stuck here with me
for the rest of your lives!

We'll be here forever?

We're doomed!

Are you kidding?

That old coot's
been here for years

and look at him.

He's in great shape.

Look at those muscular arms,

his rock-hard abs,
and that great complexion.

Why, he's glowing with health.

You're right, Patrick.

But what will we eat?
Where will we sleep?

Well, I don't know
about you,

but I've got all the comforts
of home right here.

Patrick's right.

lf I'm stuck here,
I should make the best of it.

I'll build myself a new home.

There, just like my pineapple
in Bikini Bottom.

Only smaller.

(groans)
Comfy.

Safe and sound
in my own little home.

Safe?! You're never safe
out in the wild!

If I were you, I'd keep
an eye on that big fella.

Patrick?

No, Patrick is my best friend.

He wouldn't hurt me.

He's a big boy.

Just wait till he gets hungry.

Out here, it's eat or be eaten.

(sniffs)

(screams)

He's gotten the taste
of flesh.

Hey, Patrick.

Hey, SpongeBob.

(stomach growling)

Sounds like you're hungry.

And boy, am I!

I'm so hungry...

I could eat anything!

I could eat an entire sponge...

(screaming)

...cake.

l was just gonna share
my golden sponge cake with him.

lt's got delicious
cream filling, too.

It's all true!

Patrick is
going to eat me!

What should I do?

You gotta protect yourself.

What you need is a fort.

This mud replica
of the Krusty Krab

should protect me
from that fiend Patrick.

Aah! He's on to me!

Must hide.

(panting):
I'm safe.

Patrick can't get me in here.

(crazed laughter)

I don't need to go outside.

I have everything
I need right here.

Spatula...

Now I just need some buns.

Oh, crunchy.

(retching)

I can't take it!

(screams)

I need some real food.

Remember, kid:

it's eat or be eaten.

Yes, yes!

I shall eat Patrick
before he eats me.

(crazed laughter)

(snoring)

(sniffs)

Mmm, something smells good.

What are you cooking, SpongeBob?

I'm gonna cook you up
and eat ya!

Aah! Well, why do
you want to eat me?!

I know what you're doing.

You're playing dumb,
but it won't work

because I'm going to eat you
before you eat me.

Well, not if I eat you first!

Oh, no, you don't!

(panting)

Where'd he go?

Come on out, Patrick.

You can't hide forever.

What's this?
Warm water?

You seemed kind of tense,
so I drew you a hot bath.

Wow, thanks, Patrick.

l did get a trifle
unhinged, didn't I?

Oops, I forgot the bath beads.

Thanks, Patrick.
You're a real pal.

Funny-looking bath beads.

They almost look like carrots.

Carrots?!

You're making soup
out of me!

I was not!

It was supposed to be stew!

(panting)

Phew!

I'm getting tired.

Why don't you take a nap
on this nice soft bed?

There, that's it.

Here, I'll tuck you in
with this nice soft blanket.

And what's a blanket
without a little ketchup!

Mmm!

This isn't a bed!

Wait! Come back!

You're not properly seasoned!

Mmm!

Aah!

Aah!

(panting)

Wha...? Hey!

Gimme that ketchup back!

No!

(both grunting)

Gotcha!

No, got you!

I got you!

(clapping)

Congratulations. You did it.

Did what?

Why, earned your survivalist
medals, of course.

Only a hardcore survivalist

will break down and
nearly eat his best pal.

Why do you care
if we're survivalists?

(crazed laughter)

'Cause I'm not
just some old hermit...

l'm Sandy Cheeks,
survivalist extraordinaire.

Sandy?
Sandy?

lt weren't no accident
that you fell out of my truck.

l was just testing
your survival skills.

You planned this?!
You planned this?!

Yep. And I'm happy to say,
you both passed.

Here's your survivalists medals.

Hooray!
Hooray!

Wow, it's great
that we won our medals,

but I'm still hungry.

Me, too.

Guys...

whatcha doing?

Uh, fellas?

Eat or be eaten.
Eat or be eaten.

Uh-oh.

Next time,
I'll bring more granola.